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Stop Destroying Your Self-Worth

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Supa

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Just came across this great piece from zenpencils and thought I'd share it with you guys and gals, hoping some of you may get something out of it :)

I think most people are prone to comparing themselves with others from time to time.
Just take the example of this forum. Yes, we'd love to be where MJ and the other great contributors on here already are. But if you are like me, you are not there yet.

It's easy to fall victim to comparing your success, your bank account, the car in your garage, or your amount of free time to theirs. Doing that will probably result in feelings of frustration. Feelings of "I can't see me being there anytime soon".

But that won't help you.
Not in business. Not in any other area of your life.

Instead of comparing yourself to a more successful man, follow the breadcrumbs he leaves here for you to follow.
Don't be blinded by the bright light that shines from the top of the mountain.
Use it as a helping guide to follow that way up there.

Anyway, here's the image:

main-qimg-82f64f392a1aea490e4930800806110b-c
 

steer

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"You are what You are, don't try to be better, a boy in school is better than You at math? shame on him, propably he doesn't truly understand his inner voice, after long time of meditation and observation You will see that You will be happy when You will be usefull" :)
 

steer

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"I found in my data that people who reported spending large amounts of time in self-reflection—everything from their thinking about their thoughts to their emotions to what they want out of life— were not only less self-aware, but were also less happy, more anxious, less satisfied with their lives and relationships. I was just floored." Tasha Eurich

more here: A psychologist explains why we’re probably all delusional and how to fix it

In other words: If You want to know who You are, check how You act in various situations, but not sit all day and meditate.
 

Ika

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Interesting point.

But how do I stop comparing myself with others?
Oftentimes the comparison happens subconciously.

I know I've built this subconcious habit by conciously comparing myself to others.

But how do I redo this step?

Stop myself whenever I begin to compare?
Punish myself if I catch myself comparing?

"Just stop comparing" (subconciously) did not work for me so far.

Any help is appreciated!
 

Delmania

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Interesting point.

But how do I stop comparing myself with others?
Oftentimes the comparison happens subconciously.

I know I've built this subconcious habit by conciously comparing myself to others.

But how do I redo this step?

Stop myself whenever I begin to compare?
Punish myself if I catch myself comparing?

"Just stop comparing" (subconciously) did not work for me so far.

Any help is appreciated!

The same way you stop any urge. Once you notice it, focus on your breathing for a few seconds and let the urge pass. The more you try to stop comparing the more you'll compare.
 

Millenial_Kid5K1

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Interesting point.

But how do I stop comparing myself with others?
Oftentimes the comparison happens subconciously.

I know I've built this subconcious habit by conciously comparing myself to others.

But how do I redo this step?

Stop myself whenever I begin to compare?
Punish myself if I catch myself comparing?

"Just stop comparing" (subconciously) did not work for me so far.

Any help is appreciated!
Even if you were able to stop comparing yourself, you'd simply be operating in a black hole, where the simplest option would be to stagnate because "I'm me, and I'm fine the way I am."

I believe the problem stems not from comparing yourself to others, but from believing that success is related to innate characteristics rather than the result of intense effort in a specific area. For instance, if you view Elon Musk as just 'naturally gifted', you're likely to only feel envy and a damaged ego when you think about him.

If, however, you view him as the end product of decades of focused learning, self-cultivation, and grueling hard work, he becomes a well of inspiration to draw from, and a model to aspire towards.

Hopefully it's easy to see which is healthier and more productive.
 

Delmania

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Even if you were able to stop comparing yourself, you'd simply be operating in a black hole, where the simplest option would be to stagnate because "I'm me, and I'm fine the way I am."

Something similar occurred to me as well. It's helpful to have questions at hand in these cases; the 5 whys is a great simple tool. When you notice you're about to compare yourself, take a moment to breathe to let the emotions pass, and then start asking why you were comparing, and then asking why to your answers.
 

cmor16

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The graphic is a bit unfair. All 4 of those characters compare themselves to the others, but only one sees it negatively. It completely discounts the self worth of the other 3 and takes away from their successes.

Comparison is the basis of competition. It's inherent in all of us and it drives progress. It can be damaging to some, but inflating to others. The key is to shift focus to our strengths vs. the strengths of others.
 
Last edited:

Strider

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I'm not really in the best "spiritual health" right now but will try not to sound to whiny.

I believe comparison doesn't in a person to person sense has any real value when it comes to see who's better in life. That is, why bother comparing if the end is to feel worse, or to make others feel worse. The comparison is more productive when it's made to your former self and the ideal self, who do you aspire to become?
Also there's a fundamental problem in general when people compare themselves to others. Usually you compare yourself to the status/position/traits they have, that's not practical, you cannot change your status/position/traits just because you choose to, therefore comparing in a such a sense isn't healthy.
Having said that, if you see one guy hustling 24/7/365 and you watching Seinfeld reruns and 3 AM and wondering why the f*ck you aren't making any progress, comparing does give away the differences in actions. And the good things about actions is, they are purely a matter of will and discipline, you can do what you want.
Comparing yourself is generally bad in my opinion, because we tend to do it in a unhealthy self shaming way that won't help us. But if we are able to frame it in a way of "what am I doing wrong?" or "what are they doing that I'm not?" then you can find some nuggets that may help you in your journey, but we must always remember, our journey is ours.
 

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