Sorry, But MJ (or the forum) Can't Make Your Life Decisions For You!!

[MJ DeMarco]

I'm starting to receive a lot of emails, and even messages on this forum that request advice on major, life-changing decisions ... as if, I, and the forum, holds some type of crystal ball that knows the right decision for your life, your family, and your happiness.

Do I quit my job?
Do I move across the country?
Do I build the website myself? Or outsource?
Do I risk going into business with Joe Blow or stay in school?
Do I start this business? Or that business?
Do I wipe my a$$ with scented toilet paper or not?
Do I do this?
Do I do that?

Folks, I don't know!

I can't make these decisions for you.

The forum cannot make these decisions for you.

Everyone is different and only you know you. Some people are dealmakers. Some are introverts. Some are networkers. Some are analytical geniuses.

And yet, please understand that every decision of major consequence in your life carries with it RISK. And yet, RISK is fundamental to the Fastlane because it is the ROAD LESS TRAVELED and often involves sacrifice, and hard-work beyond the "well-traveled" road.

You have to do what is right for YOU and what YOU think will make you happy. And guess what? For some folks, that just might be a Slowlane -- no worries -- life is about happiness and being resolute in your dreams and goals. Whatever path you take, understand that everything extraordinary in life often involved an extraordinary risk.

If you are having trouble making a big decision in your life, I suggest you use the WADM decision matrix that I have used so many times in my life.

I have been HAPPY in every decision this matrix solved for me.

So to sum it up, I don't know if you should quit college.
I don't know if you should quit your job.
I don't know if you should move to another country.
I don't know if you should quit that business and start another.
I don't know if you should piss-off your parents and do what they don't want.
I don't know if you should learn how to code, or just partner.

And sadly,
the forum doesn't know if you should quit your job.
the forum doesn't know if you should move to another country.
the forum doesn't know if you should quit that business and start another.
the forum doesn't know if you should piss-off your parents and do what they don't want.
the forum doesn't know if you should learn how to code, or just partner.

While I'm flattered that I am asked about such big decisions, my answers are automatically BIASED based on my life experience. The forum responds in the same fashion.

This does not guarantee you will get a good answer based on what is best for YOU.

Take a deep breath, and ask yourself ... What is going to make me happy not just this week, but over the long term? Should you be blessed with another 40 years of life, is this the path you want to take? And remember, not all of life is rainbows and unicorns, the challenging path is the path of growth.

As for my take on decisions, you should already know what my answer will be ... the Fastlane path. But again, that is ME.

I am not you.

You may possess other strengths, talents, and attributes that make the other answer, BETTER.



Good luck and happy decision-making!

PS: Remember this axiom: Hard choices makes for an easy life. Easy choices makes for a hard life.

 

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[maximus20895]

I think another thing to take into consideration is that when he made some of his life decisions such as leaving Chicago for Phoenix, he didn't have $10,000,000. I think some people are asking him these questions are because he is successful in their eyes, but you have got to understand when he made his life decisions he wasn't where he wanted to be and that's why he made the decisions he did. He was in the same boat of you guys are currently in. It was the decisions he made for himself that determined where he is now.

You don't become successful and then ask the big questions, you ask the big questions and then become successful.

 

[Longinus]

MJ, you are right: only I know me and what makes me happy: vegan bodybuilding and sex with woman i love. It that wrong? That is me. I am not hurting anyone. But I am always thinking about what I can do to help people about money being debt and causing the most trouble in life. We are all slaves to it I believe. WE cannot do much without money. I think about creating a new money, or educating others than we should distribute the money available to all people equally. Or maybe we should start sharing more and using money less. I am confused and tired with everyone telling me how to live my one life. I am a single 40 year old dad
that loves working out and sex. I cannot forget what you said in your book about doing only one thing: eat, sleep, XXXX that one thing. I originally published a magazine in 2008 about bodybuilding and sexy Asian ladies. Now that I have 2 unsuccessful marriages I what to love many woman and sell my magazines online. Jay

 

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[Jonleehacker]

Here's my favorite decision making technique...

Think about your tough decision.

Get a coin, assign heads to one result, and tails to the other result.
eg. Heads I move to Phoenix, tails I stay in Chicago.

Take deep breath, with a clear head, flip the coin in the air.

Now, while the coin is in the air pay attention to your thoughts and feelings... which result are you hoping for?

The one you were rooting for is the answer to your decision, forget which side the coin lands on.

 

[Darkside]

I see threads with those kind of questions started on a daily basis but I hadn't considered that people are sending you these questions privately as well. Personally, I think major life decisions should be made by the person taking them. That way, if things go wrong you can't blame someone else for your choice and if it turns out going right then you can be pleased that you chose a path and it turned out well.

 

[911Carrera]

I can guarantee that anyone who would ask someone to make life changing decisions for them are not cut out for the fastlane and very likely to fail. Fastlane is not for everyone, that's why the slowlane and sidewalk exist. Again, I don't mean to be mean but I have a hard time understanding some of these guys' behavior.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Somewhat OFF TOPIC but needs mentioning: If you come here looking to ask me questions about a company I started in the Clinton Administration, it will be deleted. It's irrelevant. I didn't write The Millionaire Fastlane so you can dissect, piece by piece, how the company worked, how the company made money, how exactly I did this, did that, all so you can copy the same model thinking you can rewrite a story which was written years ago ...

I prefer to let ancient history remain ancient.

 

[Jon L]

I'll chime in here a bit...

My business only started improving when I said, 'screw what all of you think, I'm going to do what I think is best for my business.' EVEN THOUGH it went against conventional wisdom, and what I knew to be the 'correct' decision.

Before that moment, I was trying to do things based on what all the experts 'out there' thought about my business. Doing this, though, I was giving up my strength by not being fully engaged in my business. Business and life takes full engagement, not half-hearted attempts. It requires good decisions for the majority of the hundreds of decisions we make each day. The only way for those decisions to work is to be fully engaged, committed and in control of what you're doing.

Not that you shouldn't ask for advice. You should. But, take the advice and then make your own decision.

 

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[Rawr]

I think we need a thread on how to deliberately make decisions, and increase the aggressiveness/ risk.

That is the cause. Alleviate that and these emails will stop.

Some advice from someone's who also asked way too many questions:


1. Recognize choices have outcomes. You can't have every outcome, so narrow it down to the few you'd prefer and look for those choices. "Should I move?" hence becomes a write out of what "moving" means - "do I want nicer weather? Different crowd? Bigger/smaller city? Ocean? Hiking? Job opps?" - use matrix to select the choice.

2. Not making a decision is a decision. This one was hard to learn for me - when you are still feeling like you could do anything and be anything it is very hard to pick something and eliminate other options. But until you start narrowing it down, you can't move. Imagine sitting in a plane thinking of all the wonderful places in this world to go to. But never picking even a continent- so time passes and you are still stuck on the runway.


3. Making a decision can be scary but it is required if you want to make progress - don't think you will fail. We make many decisions daily - what to eat, when to go to bed, what to do - take confidence in these things - make better decisions and step them up to greater ones, feeling more confident in your choices.



If anyone feels they have more to add to decision making strategies I am sure there are many who would learn and the benefits are worth it. You start reaching for the steering wheel...

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Bump.

 

[MamaD]

I find that often people seek others to help them with major decisions just to have a 'fall guy' in the event the decision turns out to be the wrong choice.

 

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[FutureBlessings]

I agree MJ sometimes people need a reality check!! Im certainly one of those people who needed to hear that but thank God I never had the guts to ask you any of those questions lol. This post is a true wake call.

I think most people are living in fear and are afraid of making bad decisions because we have been brained washed for so many years to follow rules to live a "happy slowlane life". I have this fear too, but I will overcome it.

Most people feel if they could ask someone what to do it might solve their problems and unfortunately it doesn't. They have to look deep down in themselves. Everyone has a reason to be successful and over come obstacles in their lives. I guess they feel maybe you have the magical answer since you made it out the rat race.

We can only make ourselves do what are minds tell us and, if its all negativity then thats what life will bring us and vice versa. MJ cant guide us to the millions only YOU can. You wrote in your book what are good businesses to start to become fastlane. It's understandable if people just really need advice but, honestly NO ONE can decide your future/life for you.

I have major reasons to get out of this rat race I'm trapped in right now and, I will not stop until I succeed. Trust me I am taking my OWN advice as well, to make things happen.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I don't think you should feel responsible for running a free "Dear MJ" advice-for-the-lovelorn column. People should feel welcome to post questions here, and they will probably get some good advice from a wide range of viewpoints. *IF* you choose to chime in, great.

Thank you, this has been my approach, and the *IF* is if I read the post/question/thread.

I think it's unreasonable to expect someone who is inundated with requests for his limited time to drop whatever he's doing and spend hours answering everyone's questions *FOR FREE* no less. Why should MJ have to do this? If he has the time and desires to he can contribute on the forum here and there but he's under no obligation to do so. Would you ask Stephen King or JK Rowling for basically a one on one consultation just because you read their book? Probably not so please respect MJ's time, he's done enough by writing the book and putting this forum together for us.

I actually don't mind. I'm here everyday. I try to read what I can. But the bottomline is, I hate having to opine on major, life decisions because again, I am biased.

I find that often people seek others to help them with major decisions just to have a 'fall guy' in the event the decision turns out to be the wrong choice.

And that's what scares me ... I want someone to quit their job because they *felt* it was the RIGHT thing for them, not the RIGHT thing for me.

Im certainly one of those people who needed to hear that but thank God I never had the guts to ask you any of those questions lol.

It's no big deal, I would have thought of you no less. I just want you to be happy with the choices.

I know in the end I will surely change my plan. The fact is if I send you an email and you say to me "Yeh you should change" it would help me. I could say "Even the great MJ thinks I should change".

But do you understand that my answer will be BIASED based on my wisdom, life experience, and personal knowledge of myself? In the end, I want YOU (and anyone else that asks one of these personal, life-altering choices) to be HAPPY. Therefore, I'm not sure my BIASED answer is the ANSWER that will lead the questioner to happiness (or success), considering the decision had to be asked.

PLAN A might be the best Fastlane route for me, while PLAN B might be for someone else. I will pick PLAN A when internally based on your strengths, the correct action is PLAN B. (I'm just saying generically, not referring to you.)

While I'm flattered that I am asked about such big decisions, my answers are automatically BIASED based on my life experience. This does not guarantee you will get a good answer based on what is best for YOU.

In general, you should already know what my answer will be ... the Fastlane path. But again, that is ME. I am not you. You may possess other strengths, talents, and attributes that make the other answer, BETTER.

Also, the when I picked-up and moved across the country, I *knew* it was the right decision. It felt right. I didn't ask anyone. The other big decisions, I also *knew* but needed confirmation, that nudge, and that's when the WADM matrix fell into place because it was BIASED toward me.

The synopsis of this post is basically I want YOU to be happy with your decisions and live with them with responsibility - when MJ/Hakrjak/Sparlin/Rickson/RussH/Your Mom/Your BFF/Some Stranger on A Forum or anyone else *thinks* you should take PLAN A when the best for YOU is PLAN B, there's a potential for an incongruous result, one that won't make you happy.

YOU know YOU best.

I want everyone here to have the same result ... and that result is happiness via the 3 F's, fitness, family, and freedom.

 

[marklov]

I think the main cause is ppl read tmf and identify themselves as a "fastlaner" and then everything else becomes lower than them even decisions themselves.

Parents wants me to go to college then rags on them ( im guilty of this) but somehow they have managed to keep a roof over their head ( respect that)

College bores me and I can manage a lot more if I drop out and work on that 9 figure idea( when the problem really is lack of discipline)

F*ck em Im fastlane and thats all that matters , got twenty buck in the bank , eyeing that aventador tho (play on the title of MJ's thread)


From reading older posts I have started to realise that many of the younger readers approach the fastlane principle the wrong way or instead interpret in ways that contorts the true meaning or should I say lifestyle...

Just my musing on the topic...

 

[andviv]

Yes. Do it.
I guarantee it will work.
If it doesn't then I will return the fee you paid me for this invaluable advice.

Good luck.

 

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[Vigilante]

Somewhat OFF TOPIC but needs mentioning: If you come here looking to ask me questions about a company I started in the Clinton Administration, it will be deleted. It's irrelevant. I didn't write The Millionaire Fastlane so you can dissect, piece by piece, how the company worked, how the company made money, how exactly I did this, did that, all so you can copy the same model thinking you can rewrite a story which was written years ago ...

I prefer to let ancient history remain ancient.

Yeah yeah yeah. So anyway, I am thinking about starting a car and driver referral service. Like limos.com, but only with cars and private individuals that will use an app. So how exactly did you get advertisers?

 

[MJ DeMarco]

but I hadn't considered that people are sending you these questions privately as well.

Almost everyday ... and they are BIG decisions.

 

[GlassCannon]

It is not fair to expect life decisions from you, but at least an opinion. The ultimate decision will come from the us, but the reason why one goes to an expert is to get an advice, an opinion, not a complete silence.
I haven't sent any private message, but I have posted a few times in here and expected to receive an opinion from you but you remained silent :-(.
I told myself that maybe it is because I don't have the 'I have read the book' mention yet, so I decided to order the book and am currently reading it, hoping to get an opinion from you; though the help and opinion of others have helped me tremendously.

I think it's unreasonable to expect someone who is inundated with requests for his limited time to drop whatever he's doing and spend hours answering everyone's questions *FOR FREE* no less. Why should MJ have to do this? If he has the time and desires to he can contribute on the forum here and there but he's under no obligation to do so. Would you ask Stephen King or JK Rowling for basically a one on one consultation just because you read their book? Probably not so please respect MJ's time, he's done enough by writing the book and putting this forum together for us.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Bump ...

And I'd like to include that "anyone else on this forum" cannot make life decisions for you.

 

[Investfourmore]

I am new here, but I feel your pain to a lesser degree. On my blog I have people emailing me and asking how to invest in Real Estate all the time and I can tell they don't want to do the work it takes to make the right decision on their own. They want someone else to decide for them because it is easier and then they don't have the responsibility if they make the wrong decision. I try to point them in the way of self educating, but some just want a quick answer.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Just going through my personal emails today and trying to respond ... thought this needed a bump.

 

[Fox]

Somewhat OFF TOPIC but needs mentioning: If you come here looking to ask me questions about a company I started in the Clinton Administration, it will be deleted. It's irrelevant.

For the reader next year he is referring to Bill.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Courtesy bump. The forum can offer some insight, but ultimately it cannot think for you.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Bump, and pinned.

 

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[Jill]

Bump ... And I'd like to include that "anyone else on this forum" cannot make life decisions for you.

Uh-oh. I've been telling everyone what to do!

 

[early riser]

One observation I have noticed about the most successful millionaires and billionaires is that they would become it again if you took everything away from them.There is a simple reason, and that is their state of mind, a state of being, and even a matter of confidence.
With out that, I think the rest is irrelevant, so you need to figure out what will get you to that mindset.

Only you know what is best for you. For me, I had to move. As in I just packed my car and said time to start over.
The schooling part was already over so that part wasn't a debate.

Nothing wrong with asking questions and getting input, but the final decision should be solely yours. I'd rather create be responsible for my own success or failure than have to attribute it to someone else.

 

[Bellini]

I'm starting to receive a lot of emails, and even messages on this forum that request advice on major, life-changing decisions ... as if, I, and the forum, holds some type of crystal ball that knows the right decision for your life, your family, and your happiness.

Do I quit my job?
Do I move across the country?
Do I build the website myself? Or outsource?
Do I risk going into business with Joe Blow or stay in school?
Do I start this business? Or that business?
Do I do this?
Do I do that?

Folks, I don't know!

I can't make these decisions for you.

The forum cannot make these decisions for you.

Everyone is different and only you know you. Some people are dealmakers. Some are introverts. Some are networkers. Some are analytical geniuses.

And yet, please understand that every decision of major consequence in your life carries with it RISK. And yet, RISK is fundamental to the Fastlane because it is the ROAD LESS TRAVELED and often involves sacrifice, and hard-work beyond the "well-traveled" road.

You have to do what is right for YOU and what YOU think will make you happy. And guess what? For some folks, that just might be a Slowlane -- no worries -- life is about happiness and being resolute in your dreams and goals. Whatever path you take, understand that everything extraordinary in life often involved an extraordinary risk.

If you are having trouble making a big decision in your life, I suggest you use the WADM decision matrix that I have used so many times in my life.

Got a Tough Choice? HelpMyDecision.com Helps You Make Better Decisions!

I have been HAPPY in every decision this matrix solved for me.

So to sum it up, I don't know if you should quit college.
I don't know if you should quit your job.
I don't know if you should move to another country.
I don't know if you should quit that business and start another.
I don't know if you should piss-off your parents and do what they don't want.
I don't know if you should learn how to code, or just partner.

And sadly,
the forum doesn't know if you should quit your job.
the forum doesn't know if you should move to another country.
the forum doesn't know if you should quit that business and start another.
the forum doesn't know if you should piss-off your parents and do what they don't want.
the forum doesn't know if you should learn how to code, or just partner.

While I'm flattered that I am asked about such big decisions, my answers are automatically BIASED based on my life experience. The forum responds in the same fashion.

This does not guarantee you will get a good answer based on what is best for YOU.

Take a deep breath, and ask yourself ... What is going to make me happy not just this week, but over the long term? Should you be blessed with another 40 years of life, is this the path you want to take? And remember, not all of life is rainbows and unicorns, the challenging path is the path of growth.

As for my take on decisions, you should already know what my answer will be ... the Fastlane path. But again, that is ME.

I am not you.

You may possess other strengths, talents, and attributes that make the other answer, BETTER.



Good luck and happy decision-making!

Thought this might need a bump

 

[BeFound Faithful]

"Everyone is different and only you know you." -MJ


“Those who have the privilege to know have the duty to act.”

― Albert Einstein

 

[garyfritz]

MJ, IMHO: I don't think you should feel responsible for running a free "Dear MJ" advice-for-the-lovelorn column. People should feel welcome to post questions here, and they will probably get some good advice from a wide range of viewpoints. *IF* you choose to chime in, great. I don't think you're required to. Neither do I feel it's appropriate for people to PM you directly for advice. As you said, you can't make THEIR decisions FOR THEM.

Just because you run the asylum here, doesn't mean you're "on call" for everybody with a question!

 

[dnice]

Great post MJ. I agree you cannot help someone to make a life changing decision. People need to be responsible for their own decisions. It may be great to have your opinion but it seems that those who ask these types of questions think your answer will reduce their risk in life. To be in the fastlane is all about risk and no ones advice can reduce it.