• The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success
  1. Join 40,000+ entrepreneurs
    who are kicking butt and
    winning their dream life.

    Unscripted™ Entrepreneurship:
    A Business That Pays More Than Money, It Pays Time.

    "Fastlane" is an entrepreneur discussion forum based on The Unscripted Entrepreneurial Framework (TUNEF) outlined in the two best-selling books by MJ DeMarco (The Millionaire Fastlane and UNSCRIPTED™). From multimillionaires to digital nomads, the forum features real entrepreneurs creating real businesses.

    Download (Unscripted) Download (Millionaire Fastlane)  Register
    Registering for the forum removes this block!

GOLD! SinisterLex's Raw Review Corner

Discussion in 'Education, Learning, Books' started by Lex DeVille, Oct 31, 2015.

  1. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Hey guys,

    Getting a pretty steady flow of pm's for copywriting and profile reviews and thought it might be helpful if the feedback was shared. This way you can start to see common wins and mistakes and improve your own writing and skills.

    And thus, the Raw Review Corner was born.

    Warning - this first episode has some low-qual parts. Running on a couple hours sleep & didn't have the energy to set all the lights and stuff up.
    Future vids will be HD.




    How It Works:

    • If you have something you want me to review, or a question that might be helpful for a lot of people, send me a PM.

    • I'll take the request (as soon as I can) and do an honest review or give an honest response in video.

    • Your info will be anonymous unless you say it's okay to reveal it.

    • I'll post the video in this thread so everyone has access and can check it out without leaving the forum.

    What You Should Know

    • These videos are raw - meaning unfiltered (I'll edit for anonymity of course), but it's my opinion & anything goes.

    • My setup is in a corner

    • I don't have time for every question every day, but I'll do my best to respond as soon as possible.

    • It doesn't have to be copywriting or upwork profiles. If you need something else reviewed that's a good fit for this thread, fire away.

    • It doesn't have to be copywriting questions. If you have a question that lots of people need an answer to and you think I'm the right person to give you that answer, ask away.

    Episode 1

    The first episode may suck a little.

    Running on empty & didn't do proper setup.

    If I seem foggy that's why. That's also why it's not in HD.

    Anyway, that's all I've got. Hit me up with questions & requests & have a happy Halloween!

    P.S.
    If you're wondering if you should try it - just remember, the feedback you get helps other people learn too. And that's what it's all about.
     
    Andrew J., Djinn91, Trs_Shup and 36 others like this.
  2. tafy
    Offline

    tafy Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,647
    Likes Received:
    1,818
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Rep Bank:
    $9,778
    I will review your review!

    1. Wayyy too long Lex! You should do 4 mins max on one profile
    2. Stop apologising at the start
    3. Needs to be way faster
    5. Video quality and picture quality is really good :)

    Keep at it!
     
    Trs_Shup, The_Saphir, KOS2186 and 6 others like this.
  3. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Thanks for the feedback. All noted. ;)

    A good night's sleep tonight. Tomorrow's for real.

    I can take feedback just like I can give it.

    So, if anyone wonders, I'm totally open and look forward to your feedback on my vids.

    It's never personal. Feedback is how we improve.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    What I learned today:

    • Don't make videos when you're tired.
    • Some people want them short.
    • Don't hold back your real thoughts just to be nice because it doesn't really solve the problem.
    • Profile's are pretty much all the same.
    • If I post 1 video to show you guys how to do a solid profile, you can reference that.

    Alright guys... Bring it on.
     
    Trs_Shup, The_Saphir, KOS2186 and 5 others like this.
  4. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Raw Review Corner Episode 2 - @unorthodox

    I totally called you untouchable. Guess that's what my mind wanted so... you better change your name haha.



    This one took a lot of clipping to keep it under 5. Still wayyy too wordy, but at least it's not 14.
     
  5. wade1mil
    Offline

    wade1mil Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    1,698
    Likes Received:
    3,954
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Rep Bank:
    $8,053
    Lol love the realness :)
     
  6. Andy Black
    Offline

    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    6,990
    Likes Received:
    29,395
    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ireland
    Rep Bank:
    $164,125
    I didn't think it too wordy.

    Were you reviewing a different ad than what you showed in the video? You mentioned copy I couldn't see.

    I could still follow what you said though, so that's interesting for you. Do you have to show the newspaper ad even?

    You've a lot of energy and passion, which is kinda at odds with the whole potential dryness of the subject matter. It will be interesting to see where you take this.

    Well done putting it out there.

    (Timely too as I was just thinking of doing videos of me in full flow in front of a flipchart.)
     
  7. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    For those of you wanting profile reviews:






    The screen was split. The Newspaper ad is what forum member Unorthodox was re-writing. The copy on the right side of the screen is his hand-written sample. I just figured it would be a little more engaging to see both pieces since one was just bland handwriting and the other had some color.

    I actually wasn't going to show any copy. Was just gonna add it as something people can download if they want to take a look, but that's apparently not an option on Youtube. Gotta upload to dropbox and link to it or something I guess, but that takes extra time.

    Thanks for the comments. Video is a lot of fun and also a lot of work, but it will definitely be cool to see you on screen too!
     
  8. JaxAttacks
    Offline

    JaxAttacks Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    269
    Joined:
    May 16, 2015
    Location:
    California
    Rep Bank:
    $1,802
    You just keep kicking a$$ and offering us value. Thank you! Rep++
     
  9. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    THIS One Simple Headline Trick Fails You Every Time...

    A MUST WATCH for new copywriters. If you make THIS mistake, you're gonna miss the mark.

     
    Andrew J., KOS2186, Dwight and 8 others like this.
  10. MadMedia
    Offline

    MadMedia New Contributor

    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    12
    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $76
    Hey - the audio on the first video is great, I have the same Mic as you and I can never get that perfect sound, are you using some type of add-on?
     
    Lex DeVille likes this.
  11. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Nope, no add-ons. I use YouCam for recording and for some reason the closer I get to the mic the less echo it has.

    The second video above is a different mic, so that's why it sounds a bit different.

    For anyone else reading this and wondering what mic I use, the one in the first video is a Blue Snowball !CE. Funny since it's white.
     
    KOS2186, Supa and Andy Black like this.
  12. mws87
    Offline

    mws87 talk less, listen more. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    487
    Likes Received:
    908
    Joined:
    May 5, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Rep Bank:
    $3,377
    Oh man, I love this @SinisterLex . Great post!

    Not only are those titles negative, I feel they also kill credibility due to the interwebs being completely saturated with "simple tricks" and "this will be banned soon" clickbait headlines. It reminds me of the stereotypical shady guy lurking about who has a "hot tip" and wants to share it with you because you "seem like a nice guy". Reminds me of this guy who approached and started a convo with me in a book store. The dude acted like we were long-lost BFF's and slipped in the old "I'm actually planning on retiring next year" line at which point I ceased conversation. Same vibe I get when I read the "1 simple trick" headlines.
     
    KOS2186, ilrein, nichiseven and 2 others like this.
  13. Longinus
    Offline

    Longinus Platinum Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    813
    Likes Received:
    3,176
    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Flanders, Belgium
    Rep Bank:
    $14,230
    I was getting frustrated on Upwork. So I watched just one of your videos on Tuesday.

    Updated my profile with your advice in mind and applied for one job.

    Today I got the proposal. (They even want to pay more).

    Damn man, your advice is worth Gold.
     
  14. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    If You Give A Mouse A Cookie...

    This one's a bit of a rant, and it only applies to some of you.

    Hope it's articulated right, because I don't want to scare off anyone who comes with good intentions.




    Look guys, I truly don't mind helping out, but that doesn't mean there aren't lines that shouldn't be crossed.

    I want you to succeed, but just like a baby bird, at some point you gotta spread your wings and try to fly.

    Some of you do that, and to those who do, I'm truly proud of you for the efforts you make.

    For the rest who take shortcuts to cut 10 years off their Fastlane process...

    ...you'll learn (or maybe you won't) in 10 years when you're still trying to figure out how to use shortcuts to get ahead...

    Sucks this video needed to be made, because there's copy reviews waiting in que.

    But you asked for it, and you got it.

    P.S. Yes, I know a word snuck in over the intro section.
     
  15. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Raw Review Corner: Episode 4 - DRM Flyer Teardown

    Today we've got a DRM Flyer from an anonymous Fastlane Forum member. Took a few days but it's here!



    One thing I didn't mention that's really unclear is what the product/service actually is.


    Only the Home Depot line mentions replacing shutters, but it's hard to tell whether you're just selling shutters or whether you install them too.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2015
    Dwight, Green Destiny, Fox and 7 others like this.
  16. Boozoon
    Offline

    Boozoon Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    78
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $118
    Lex, although likes/thanks are nice, I wanted to take the time to thank you for putting out such quality content on the forum. I am doing your 15 days of freedom and love the exercises. I am on day 3 and here is an interesting story.

    I was contacted recently by a girl who works in a big supplement company, she is the regional manager responsible for my country. She told me if I wanted to write some articles about them and also let them use my existing articles on their website. I said cool, let's chat about that and arranged a phone call. As I was waiting for the phone call, I did the 5 headlines and wrote a 3 paragraphs description about a product of theirs that was really awfully presented. Like take-a-pen-and-stab-your-eyes awful. So I rewrote it and send her my version, along with some comments.

    SHe really loved it and asked me if i could write a whole article about their supplement. The benefits are not that great (they will give me points I can use to buy supplements) but hey, it was a nice move, I went the extra mile and I am sure she will keep me close if I continue to deliver value. Plus she sounded cute, haha.

    I also love how when you immerse yourself in the experience of "others first" opportunities appear everywhere. I already have an idea along the same lines for a famous gym in Dubai and who knows what else will come up.

    Sorry if my rant seems a bit incomprehensible, but if there is something I want you to keep is that -> This sh*t works. Copy writing works. SinisterLex rocks.

    Cheers ^_^
     
  17. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    Why They Don't Listen To Your Brilliant Advice.

    Isn't it weird how we always know the answer to other peoples' problems? It's obvious. It's right there.

    But they don't see it. They don't know the answer. So it's up to us to give it to them, right?

    Maybe not, and here's why.



    It's not that your advice isn't good. There's a lot of great advice floating around.

    But that advice ain't worth jack to the other guy unless it connects with him using his own models of reality.

    We all process information in different ways. If we want our advice to connect, it has to be YOU focused.

    It has to speak directly to the other person. It has to be custom tailored for them.

    That's how we help them. That's how we solve their problems. That's how we share advice that's valuable to them.

    Again, the disconnect isn't the advice. It's the delivery.

    What words do they use to describe their problem? How can you share your answer in a similar way?

    And what questions can you ask to help them find the answers for their self?

    Instead of being a know-it-all boss telling them what to do, what if we acted as mentors and friends?

    Who are you more likely to listen to?

    The answer's obvious, don't you think?
     
    Andrew J., The_Saphir, ay47 and 19 others like this.
  18. Andy Black
    Offline

    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    6,990
    Likes Received:
    29,395
    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ireland
    Rep Bank:
    $164,125
    Dammit, I thought I was following you. Now I see a few new videos I've missed.

    Ok, this video about the headline. The part that resonated with me is that the "This One Simple Trick" headline worked when no-one was using it. Now everyone is using it, it doesn't stand out.

    When I write ads for the Google SERP, I write something relevant by default. Then after a period of time, I see which search terms are driving the account. Then I do the Google search myself and see our ad in situ. Now I can see how we look versus the competition. I can adjust the ad to stand out. (And having 25 characters helps me get to the point.)

    Another thing you learn when you're paying for clicks, is to NOT click-bait. Match the ad to the offer. Exclude people who are tyre-kickers.

    Great video @SinisterLex. Thanks for taking the time to create these.
     
    The_Saphir, nichiseven, Fox and 2 others like this.
  19. Andy Black
    Offline

    Andy Black Any colour, as long as it's red. Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    6,990
    Likes Received:
    29,395
    Joined:
    May 20, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ireland
    Rep Bank:
    $164,125
    Loved this. Can we sticky this somewhere?

    EDIT: I will link to it somewhere for new members to watch.
     
  20. Vigilante
    Offline

    Vigilante Legendary Contributor Staff Member Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

    Messages:
    9,645
    Likes Received:
    54,392
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2011
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    Rep Bank:
    $185,162
    [HASHTAG]#goldwatch[/HASHTAG]
     
  21. SYK
    Offline

    SYK Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    312
    Likes Received:
    711
    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $4,373
    image.jpg ?

     
  22. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    How To Go To Town & Take Real Action & Meet People & Get Things Moving
    Custom Video For @Trevor Chaumont
    Not picking on you. Your post just happened to be the first one I clicked this morning, and it shows a common challenge new entrepreneurs face. It's called action-faking and it happens to the best of us.

    Click here for Trevor's thread.

    So this morning I took my happy a$$ into town and met people and got some info for you.
    Don't kid yourself I benefit from this too. :D

    (Somehow my outro got cut off, so the vid just ends, but I wrote my thoughts below anyway.)



    Not much planning. Sometimes you just gotta take action and let things fall into place.

    Here's what happened:

    1. Learned that a lot of business owners aren't in the office yet at 8 am (in my town.)
    2. Learned that some companies don't have the authority to make these decisions at the local level, so they may be a waste of time.
    3. Learned that window cleaning isn't something people need often so you'd need a lot of clients.
    4. Learned when business owners for specific places are likely to be in.
    5. Made a bunch of new connections with people I didn't know before.
    6. Refined my approach after every single business and got a little better at finding things to ask.
    7. Failed miserably at my first pitch, but still got key information (not necessarily about windows).
    8. Learned that when I don't hide my camera people get real defensive real fast!
    9. Learned I should be more clear about my plan of action & questions I want to ask.
    10. In the last business (one not in the video per their request) I spent like 15-20 minutes chatting and left with a private cell number for a local influencer (won't find that on Google...)
    11. Discovered realtors may not be as much of a direct opportunity as I originally thought.
    12. Discovered there may still be opportunity to work together with realtors if you find a way to benefit both of you since they can refer you to home sellers who are prepping their houses for sale.
    13. Found out window cleaning service isn't something people care much about here, and isn't a big issue for the businesses I visited.

    What I failed at:

    1. I didn't find out specific info about what the 3 other window cleaning companies charge.
    2. I was pretty scattered, until I warmed up after meeting several people.
    3. It never really got easier or less scary, but I did get better.
    4. No clearly defined outcome = hard to pinpoint my successes (when I accomplished what I set out to accomplish)

    What I felt:

    • Nervous
    • Anxious
    • Tense
    • Uncertain
    • Scared
    • Self-conscious
    • Fearful
    • Flighty
    • Self-Doubt

    When push comes to shove, I set out to do a thing and I did it.


    Maybe you can do it better.

    Whatever you do, focus on making it valuable for the other person, and in the end...

    Just do it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2018
  23. DaRK9
    Offline

    DaRK9 Gold Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    685
    Likes Received:
    1,379
    Joined:
    May 23, 2014
    Gender:
    Male
    Rep Bank:
    $7,041
    Awesome video man. I think this is the biggest problem most young people have with the social and online generation.

    I would go for the property management route or get in with a high-end HOA at a discount if X amount sign up. At my job, some guy does it for $20 when he comes in. Seems extremely cheap.
     
    Kingmaker and Lex DeVille like this.
  24. Kingmaker
    Offline

    Kingmaker Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
    Rep Bank:
    $295
    Awesome video man, reminded me of PUA in-field/Gary Vaynerchuk videos. I can see these blowing up among entrepreneur communities like on here and reddit.

    P.S. 4:58 "Not YOUR owner - the store owner." That came out as a low key pun at the guy being a wage slave LOL.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 6, 2018
    DaRK9 and Lex DeVille like this.
  25. Lex DeVille
    Online

    Lex DeVille CAUTION! I hurt people's feelings... Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

    Messages:
    2,298
    Likes Received:
    14,996
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The zone.
    Rep Bank:
    $41,362
    lol yeah, oops! :D
     
    Kingmaker likes this.

Join 1000s of entrepreneurs who are rewriting life's script and winning financial freedom.

---- ----

You must be a member to join the conversation.

Create Account

Join the community fast and easy!

REGISTER

Log In

Already have an account? Login here.

LOG IN

Share This Page