I agree with the too many words part as well.
Music is emotional and visceral. A few exciting words, a video sample, and a buy now button. Punch them right in the face with how the offer improves their lives, and let the most motivated buy right away; then, let the copy keep rolling for those who need more info with strategic buy now's along the route.
Check out @Kung Fu Steve 's marketplace ad. The copy is like textbook perfect.
Thanks for the advice @broswoodwork and @Sheens - I added some more buttons so people can buy quicker.
I get what you're saying with there being a lot of text... I've had other people say that too. However, when testing my opt in page, I had a lot of text... and more text always beat less text... even for signing up to download a song. I know... it seems silly... but it seems to work - so I'm inclined to leave the long text on the page for now!
I'll checkout @Kung Fu Steve 's ad!
Edit: Have you guys run tests and found that shorter copy converts better than longer copy?
I appreciate the kind words.
What's still missing here, and what I mentioned to you before @SamRussell was that the medium needs to change.
A 1% conversion on a long-form sales letter is not uncommon. I'd argue I'm pretty good at writing copy (I've spent many years doing it), and the most I get is 3-4% (that's on the higher end and matches with some of the best copywriters on the planet)...
HOWEVER, compare that to my real strength -- which is speaking. From the stage I can close 30-80% of the room depending on how well I've pre-framed.
But the stage is a VERY different medium than a written letter...
I still think you need to go where your audience is ALREADY buying (spotify, tiktok, soundcloud, itunes) and make your case THERE.
To shift the market's current behavior -- or to be more accurate to shift buying behavior back several years (with your email followups and campaigns) is a hard game.
I know this is going to sound obnoxious but it's akin to asking me to cut out an ad in a newspaper, put that in an envelope along with cash and $2.50 shipping and handling, mail it to a specific address, and wait for the product to be shipped to me.
While you've been contemplating this -- that girl I told you about before that was hustling on instagram and tiktok? Well... one of her songs just went viral on the app... she hit #1 on spotify and #160 on itunes.
But she put in a STUPID amount of work to be able to do that.
And, if I can be so bold... you're still sitting here trying to get your 1% conversions up to 2%... it'll never get you to where you want to be my friend.
A new strategy is required!