Road to Self-Awareness

[Dbbuzbee]

Perhaps the singular "trait" that seems to be pushed as vital for success in life by leaders across many fields is Self Awareness. Self Awareness is defined as the "conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires." It makes sense why this is vital because you must understand yourself and how you operate.

Despite the importance of it, it is harder to find this true essence of who we are, and it is something i have trouble figuring out sometimes. I am curious to see what anyone on here has done and found effective in cultivating self-awareness in their lives.

How do you find who you truly are?

 

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[Sean Kaye]

Intellectual honesty.

Most of us know our true strengths and weaknesses, we're just usually not comfortable admitting it to ourselves.

Great example - I have the capacity to work hard and be very focused, but I procrastinate because I'm lazy and need deadlines and stress to get motivated. I'm also too comfortable with my existing lifestyle and that holds be back.

To fix that, I need to stop being an adrenalin junky when it comes to getting things done.

That's a form of self-awareness. You need to be brutally honest with yourself because for the most part in life, nobody else will be.

 

[tpjay]

I think you find self awareness through experiences. If you go through something and think "aw man that freaking sucked" you now have evidence that this may be something you are not interested or good at. On the other side if you go through something and say "WOW. Where can I get more of this?", "When can I do this again?" or catching your self saying "Damn. I wish I can do this for the rest of my life". Something along those lines. Go out there and try stuff and you will see what you gravitate towards and why you do. I am still doing this myself and probably after writing this going to make a list of things I enjoy and hate because self awareness is key.

You begin to learn what you want and don't want from experiencing in real life or even in imagination the effect of a given experience has on your nervous system. It was either good or bad? Write down the good one in one list and write down the bad ones in another. Past experiences, current experiences (right now I am liking sharing this information with you**), future one you cant wait to experience (like going to Disney Land). Find your Disney Land.

 

[Harti]

How do you find who you truly are?

The simple answer is that you let go of what you are not and see what stays.

If one persistently asks the question "who am I?" (or more accurately "what am I?") one goes through various stages of disidentification:

• Am I my body? If this would be the case, I would have been different as a child then now as an adult. Has my sense of self changed in that period as dramatically as the body? No. That means even though I can perceive the senses of my body, I am not it.
• Am I my thoughts? If this would be the case, I would not be able to listen to them. If I say "hello" in my mind, I can hear it. This means I cannot be the thoughts.
• Am I my emotions? Clearly not, as I can be angry, sad, happy, and so on, but no matter what I'm feeling, it's not me.
• Am I my story? "I am the friend of x, the son of y", "I am an entrepreneur / successful / fit / tall / fat / small". If any of this were the case, would I still be me if that changes? Yes.

If we truly contemplate this question, we will soon see that we are not the content of anything we're experiencing. Staying with this question without searching for a mental answer opens us up to the awareness that what we are is consciousness that is simply witnessing.

Here's something incredible: When we continuously stay with the process of disidentifying from everything we are not, what we will eventually see is that we are not even the one moving the body or thinking the thoughts. We are simply watching a movie. We can then see that it is "a" body instead of "my" body and that there is no thinker of thoughts. This results in experiencing an ever-lasting peace that is beyond every emotion attainable through outer "gain", the certainty that we cannot die because we're completely beyond everything, and that what we usually take so seriously (our life and its circumstances) is in reality just a game designed to make us see what we really are. All desires, needs, and wants fall away. There is nothing to do or get anymore, not even the need to breathe (a sort of curiousity can arise to whether the body will continue to breathe or not, but in the end it doesn't really matter).

If you want to experience this first-hand (which is in fact our true nature), the process of disidentifying is simple:

• Whenever the mind starts conceptualizing (which it probably even did while you were reading this post), simply realize that you are not the mental images you see or the thoughts you hear. Once this is clear to you, decide to radically abandon them - they probably seem important, but this is just an illusion designed to keep you within the boundaries of the mind. Soon the worry will come up that we cannot survive/function without thinking, but even this is fake and another identification we can let go of.
• Once the mind is clear again, pay attention to the feelings you can sense, but don't name them, this would be thinking again. Decide to stay with them and let out the energy behind them - thoughts come up because they are energized by feelings. Don't try to change or modify them, don't indulge (lose yourself) in them, don't judge yourself for them. If you find yourself guilty/weak/etc. because of your feelings, pay attention to that resistance first and let go of that identification.

Reality shines forth as every concept of self is let go of, so this is a clearing process of the self. In order to realize our true place as the witness, we have to be willing to abandon everything we are not. At times this can feel like an immense loss because every identification has a secret payoff, it's like juice we're secretly extracting out of it. Think of the "guilty pleasure" you feel when you are feeling sorry for yourself or angry at someone. If it was just hurting, you'd soon let go of it, but there's a pleasure connected to it that keeps you in it.

Why are we not experiencing this already?

It's not that we have to "get" this state of awareness or have to do anything for it. It's simply that we are so focused on the content that our consciousness got soaked into it. Remember a time when you were so drawn into something that you forgot about everything else. This is essentially what happened on a large scale. We are so soaked into our life, thoughts, feelings, and stories, that we forgot our true place. The process of disidentification gets us back into complete safety.

Best,
Harti

 

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[tpjay]

Here's something incredible: When we continuously stay with the process of disidentifying from everything we are not, what we will eventually see is that we are not even the one moving the body or thinking the thoughts. We are simply watching a movie. We can then see that it is "a" body instead of "my" body and that there is no thinker of thoughts.

This is very trippy but when you do this your are exactly right. I read a book called Psycho-cybernetics everyday and he states that we are simply conscious and we control a machine "the brain". As an anology, we are the diver in a car steering it and directing it where WE decide and the Brain, the engine that give the car power, simply does the all work.

Would you agree with this perspective?

 

[Harti]

This is very trippy but when you do this your are exactly right. I read a book called Psycho-cybernetics everyday and he states that we are simply conscious and we control a machine "the brain". As an anology, we are the diver in a car steering it and directing it where WE decide and the Brain, the engine that give the car power, simply does the all work.

Would you agree with this perspective?

It's definitely an advanced state, yet whenever there's "control" there's still the identification as the doer. Would you still be you if you didn't drive the car?
Now more importantly: What do you feel when you think about not being the driver of the car? The feelings that come up like fear or anger are what are keeping us in the belief that we are drivers. We want to see us as the drivers because it gives us a sense of safety. Only speaking about it can trigger defensive reactions like an angry "this is BS" since it's threatening a construct we invested so much emotional energy in. Just staying with the energy and letting it out without mentalizing is what helps us relax into the space where we don't need to worry about driving.

Best,
Harti

 

[tpjay]

It's definitely an advanced state, yet whenever there's "control" there's still the identification as the doer. Would you still be you if you didn't drive the car?
Now more importantly: What do you feel when you think about not being the driver of the car? The feelings that come up like fear or anger are what are keeping us in the belief that we are drivers. We want to see us as the drivers because it gives us a sense of safety. Only speaking about it can trigger defensive reactions like an angry "this is BS" since it's threatening a construct we invested so much emotional energy in. Just staying with the energy and letting it out without mentalizing is what helps us relax into the space where we don't need to worry about driving.

Best,
Harti

Here is an excerpt from the book:
"You must learn to trust your creative mechanism to do
its work and not "jam it" by becoming too concerned
or too anxious as to whether it will work or not, or by
attempting to force it by too much conscious effort.
You must "let it" work, rather than "make it" work.
This trust is necessary because your creative mechanism
operates below the level of consciousness, and you
cannot "know" what is going on beneath the surface.
Moreover, its nature is to operate spontaneously
according to present need. Therefore, you have no
guarantees in advance. It comes into operation as you
act and as you place a demand upon it by your actions.
You must not wait to act until you have proof—you
must act as if it is there, and it will come through. "Do
the thing and you will have the power," said Emerson."

Your brain IS your subconscious because you really don't know what is happening below the level of your conscious and your brain is always working. So the relationship between you and your brain is a relationship of trust. You say "Hey Brain, can you help me find an opportunity to help people?" and let it work because it always is.

Excerpt for Steering your car:
"It is the job of the forebrain to pose problems and to
identify them—but by its very nature it was never engineered
to solve problems."

 

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[tpjay]

It's definitely an advanced state, yet whenever there's "control" there's still the identification as the doer. Would you still be you if you didn't drive the car?
Now more importantly: What do you feel when you think about not being the driver of the car? The feelings that come up like fear or anger are what are keeping us in the belief that we are drivers. We want to see us as the drivers because it gives us a sense of safety. Only speaking about it can trigger defensive reactions like an angry "this is BS" since it's threatening a construct we invested so much emotional energy in. Just staying with the energy and letting it out without mentalizing is what helps us relax into the space where we don't need to worry about driving.

Best,
Harti

This is me agreeing with you btw haha @Harti

 

[Olimac21]

Through experiences, looking into past actions or results with a dettached perspective and very important: having into consideration how are you perceived by others. Most of the times the perception of others is stronger than yours or at least complementary. I am not saying that others perception of you is your final image, it just acts as a complementary view of yourself and can be a good feedback mechanism.