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Residual energy following me in life, don't know what to do anymore

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ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
Every person I get involved with business or a promise to do business with, I end up getting bullshitted. I can't take it anymore. I make sure to turn work in ontime everytime. I get bullshitted by everyone females, business partners, everybody. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I know you get what you put out but I make sure to live up to my word. I really want a music career. And once again have to start from the bottom and at 34 again taking this kid on as a partner.

Last situation I got involved in was taking on a partner for my news/culture/media website... I didn't want to do it, the kid convinced me and told me Ohh I go to college and know people that will write for us and I myself will produce 2 articles a day...So I dropped my pursuit of a music career to do it with him, it's now 112 days later he wrote 6 articles... He did do things but not returning to the site the kind of devotion I did. His family is millionaires and had no incentive to push himself, his girlfriend is autistic and this is one of the reasons he explained why work didnt get done cause she keeps tabs on him while him living in Atlanta and her being in Oregon... Everytime they broke up from him not holding her pockets, I would rejoyce a little on the inside cause that mean work would get done. .. I returned his content he wrote back to him and broke the partnership.

I'm in a pretty bad spot in life and things happened to me last year, ontop of that stuff more total different stuff happened to where I was embarrased and exposed by a female that tried pursuing a relationship with me. I got no like motivation for anything anymore. I got ideas for businesses and alls they take is effort. I started taking adderall couple months ago (prescribed by doctor), this has helped some but I dont know anymore. Nothing gos my way not even a little bit or despite the effort I put in. I still got the site, its a pretty unique name and I owned the domain past 5 years.

2016 was my only successful run at SEO, when the site got to be worth over 100k he locked me out of everything and I learned my lesson to get an LLC. The last known traffic was april 2016, when I exed out the project it was up to 5 million hits a month and it was the only website in the world in the niche we were doing. I still have the info on it but. No clue anymore.

Neway if you have any inspriation just to keep going on with life I'd appreciate it.
 

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MJ DeMarco

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I learned long ago that the only person I can trust to get the work done is ME.

Stop putting faith into other people. Stop partnering with shitty people. Stop relying on others.

Do it yourself and build yourself a solid foundation of success where you will be better at hiring/partnering with other people. With personal success, YOU can be in the driver's seat, instead of being led around like a leashed puppy.

How much time do you spend on social media? Based on the tone of your message, I'm guessing a lot. Social media is a curse and a depressional cesspool.
 

Lex DeVille

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Every person I get involved with business or a promise to do business with, I end up getting bullshitted. I can't take it anymore. I make sure to turn work in ontime everytime. I get bullshitted by everyone females, business partners, everybody. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I know you get what you put out but I make sure to live up to my word. I really want a music career. And once again have to start from the bottom and at 34 again taking this kid on as a partner.

Last situation I got involved in was taking on a partner for my news/culture/media website... I didn't want to do it, the kid convinced me and told me Ohh I go to college and know people that will write for us and I myself will produce 2 articles a day...So I dropped my pursuit of a music career to do it with him, it's now 112 days later he wrote 6 articles... He did do things but not returning to the site the kind of devotion I did. His family is millionaires and had no incentive to push himself, his girlfriend is autistic and this is one of the reasons he explained why work didnt get done cause she keeps tabs on him while him living in Atlanta and her being in Oregon... Everytime they broke up from him not holding her pockets, I would rejoyce a little on the inside cause that mean work would get done. .. I returned his content he wrote back to him and broke the partnership.

I'm in a pretty bad spot in life and things happened to me last year, ontop of that stuff more total different stuff happened to where I was embarrased and exposed by a female that tried pursuing a relationship with me. I got no like motivation for anything anymore. I got ideas for businesses and alls they take is effort. I started taking adderall couple months ago (prescribed by doctor), this has helped some but I dont know anymore. Nothing gos my way not even a little bit or despite the effort I put in. I still got the site, its a pretty unique name and I owned the domain past 5 years.

2016 was my only successful run at SEO, when the site got to be worth over 100k he locked me out of everything and I learned my lesson to get an LLC. The last known traffic was april 2016, when I exed out the project it was up to 5 million hits a month and it was the only website in the world in the niche we were doing. I still have the info on it but. No clue anymore.

Neway if you have any inspriation just to keep going on with life I'd appreciate it.

 

JAJT

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I don't mean to be mean here, but you need a wake up call.

Your entire post reads like a "woe is me" tale of someone who keeps making bad decisions and blaming it on others instead of yourself.

I didn't want to do it, the kid convinced me

Your fault for doing what you didn't want to do. How can some "kid" convince you to drop your entire career aspirations and do something else? Grow a pair!
it's now 112 days later he wrote 6 articles
How do you wait 112 days for 6 articles when your partner promised 2 per day?

By week 2 you should have dropped his a$$ - and that's a generous timeline.

2016 was my only successful run at SEO, when the site got to be worth over 100k he locked me out of everything and I learned my lesson to get an LLC.

It's either yours, or it isn't. If you're working for someone else, you aren't owed anything except what you signed and agreed to. If you own it, nobody can kick you out. I don't get this scenario at all. How would an LLC have helped?

Look man - nothing is going your way because you make bad decisions and rely on others and point the finger out at the world instead of at yourself.

Pick one of your ideas that "just needs effort" and put in the effort! Hire people who produce if you need that and quickly cut out people who don't. Don't do things you don't want to do and don't blame others for your decision to change directions.

There is no "energy" following you around - you're just seeing the consequences of your own actions. Learn from them! Be the hero of your own story instead of a side role.
 

blueyedgibson

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Extreme Ownership is a great book! Jocko and Leif make you want to get up and get shit done (they narrate the audiobook). I know we all aren't Navy SEALs, but we can apply a lot of their basic principles to our lives.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Extreme Ownership is a great book!

How does this compare to David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" -- because I absolutely HATED that book and found the guy a poor role model, and not in the least heroic -- instead he was mentally unstable, a horrible decision maker, and someone just trying to assuage his childhood trauma. It kinda soured me on these "rah rah" books from Navy Seals.
 

Raoul Duke

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How does this compare to David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" -- because I absolutely HATED that book and found the guy a poor role model, and not in the least heroic -- instead he was mentally unstable, a horrible decision maker, and someone just trying to assuage his childhood trauma. It kinda soured me on these "rah rah" books from Navy Seals.

Night & Day. Extreme Ownership is a great book.

 

Lex DeVille

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How does this compare to David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" -- because I absolutely HATED that book and found the guy a poor role model, and not in the least heroic -- instead he was mentally unstable, a horrible decision maker, and someone just trying to assuage his childhood trauma. It kinda soured me on these "rah rah" books from Navy Seals.

I get the sense that a lot of people feel the same (I do). I liked Can't Hurt Me for the idea that we might be holding more than 60% of our potential back. I wasn't looking for a role model. I'm looking for that one key takeaway or little edge a book might hold. The 40/60 concept was that key piece from Goggins' book for me.

Extreme Ownership has a completely different vibe. Where Goggins was all about discovering how far he could push himself, Jocko and Leif are about the team and leadership. They do get a bit dramatic with their storytelling, but they tell war and business stories to highlight leadership lessons.

Extreme Ownership is the key takeaway. I think it's a way more important lesson than the Will development lesson Goggins pushes. It teaches what it takes to be a leader, whether that is on the battlefield or in business. There are several other valuable leadership lessons in there too. I particularly liked the last chapter, Discipline Equals Freedom (although it's also a lead-in for their second book).
 

blueyedgibson

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How does this compare to David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" -- because I absolutely HATED that book and found the guy a poor role model, and not in the least heroic -- instead he was mentally unstable, a horrible decision maker, and someone just trying to assuage his childhood trauma. It kinda soured me on these "rah rah" books from Navy Seals.
I haven't read "Can't Hurt Me" so I am unable to compare the two books. Extreme Ownership has more value than the typical "rah rah" books out there. Jocko and Leif do discuss war stories, but it gives context to the main points. I was pleasantly surprised with this book, considering a gruff Navy SEAL is not everyone's cup of tea. I'd be curious to know your thoughts if you do read/listen to it.
 

PapaGang

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How does this compare to David Goggin's "Can't Hurt Me" -- because I absolutely HATED that book and found the guy a poor role model, and not in the least heroic -- instead he was mentally unstable, a horrible decision maker, and someone just trying to assuage his childhood trauma. It kinda soured me on these "rah rah" books from Navy Seals.
The only rah rah book I read that was really enlightening was Unleash the Warrior Within by Richard Machowicz.

Practical advice, great storytelling. Light on inspirational platitudes and actually has some great diagrams and actionable frameworks to help people succeed. It's also a quick read. Maybe two days at most.

This guy was fairly unknown but I found a video of him talking about his brain cancer and how he was handling it. I was so floored by this guy's attitude I had to research him, and found his book. It's pretty great.
 

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ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
I learned long ago that the only person I can trust to get the work done is ME.

Stop putting faith into other people. Stop partnering with shitty people. Stop relying on others.

Do it yourself and build yourself a solid foundation of success where you will be better at hiring/partnering with other people. With personal success, YOU can be in the driver's seat, instead of being led around like a leashed puppy.

How much time do you spend on social media? Based on the tone of your message, I'm guessing a lot. Social media is a curse and a depressional cesspool.
Holy shit I just realized MJ responded to my post first.I havnt read any other responses..You're right. Cept for social media. Other than when problems arise on wordpress or questions on python coding. Not on too often, and furthermore, don't really talk on the phone either which I got called weird last year cause of it with this group of people I befriended,, then, defriended ( in person ). I got some questions MJ, well maybe one for now.

I'm on SSdi for ideopathic epilepsy, havnt taken in a major seizure in the past 2 years though and feel guilty being on some sort of welfare. I did try working the 2 years ago, and then they found me flopping in a corner like a fish. I won't go into why I'm epileptic but was against my will and no longer epileptic. It looks extremely bad on me to a female that I am on SSI, looks like I have no ambition and am stuck in this like box. I get 1600 a month, 600 in rent as I need 3 bedrooms 1 for a recording studio. By 10th of every month my money is basically spent. I'm going over expenses and memberships I have online and cut some out last month and further trimming down. My question is:

Is your Forum Subscriber 3 month membership crucial and beneficial to someone like me? With that said, I do logos and graphic design and what not and made a little bit of extra money on fiverr. Perhaps I can put some skills I have in the Job listings. Ok now back to the ADHD. I will eventually touch on why I have ADHD and how I got it at 5 months old when I have some sort of success and post it in your Success stories section of the website or journeys to inspire people with it (if they have it and aren't misdiagnosed like 10 million people/kids.) With that said, reading your book the script on my phone was the first time in my life I could read something ( which I'm an excellent public reader/speaker) but, didn't always take the info in or fully contemplate it < this was the first time ever I picked a book up and could not put it down until it was done....
 

Kasimir

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Every person I get involved with business or a promise to do business with, I end up getting bullshitted. I can't take it anymore. I make sure to turn work in ontime everytime. I get bullshitted by everyone females, business partners, everybody. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I know you get what you put out but I make sure to live up to my word. I really want a music career. And once again have to start from the bottom and at 34 again taking this kid on as a partner.

Last situation I got involved in was taking on a partner for my news/culture/media website... I didn't want to do it, the kid convinced me and told me Ohh I go to college and know people that will write for us and I myself will produce 2 articles a day...So I dropped my pursuit of a music career to do it with him, it's now 112 days later he wrote 6 articles... He did do things but not returning to the site the kind of devotion I did. His family is millionaires and had no incentive to push himself, his girlfriend is autistic and this is one of the reasons he explained why work didnt get done cause she keeps tabs on him while him living in Atlanta and her being in Oregon... Everytime they broke up from him not holding her pockets, I would rejoyce a little on the inside cause that mean work would get done. .. I returned his content he wrote back to him and broke the partnership.

I'm in a pretty bad spot in life and things happened to me last year, ontop of that stuff more total different stuff happened to where I was embarrased and exposed by a female that tried pursuing a relationship with me. I got no like motivation for anything anymore. I got ideas for businesses and alls they take is effort. I started taking adderall couple months ago (prescribed by doctor), this has helped some but I dont know anymore. Nothing gos my way not even a little bit or despite the effort I put in. I still got the site, its a pretty unique name and I owned the domain past 5 years.

2016 was my only successful run at SEO, when the site got to be worth over 100k he locked me out of everything and I learned my lesson to get an LLC. The last known traffic was april 2016, when I exed out the project it was up to 5 million hits a month and it was the only website in the world in the niche we were doing. I still have the info on it but. No clue anymore.

Neway if you have any inspriation just to keep going on with life I'd appreciate it.

I'm sorry to hear that you got betrayed by friends and business partners. I literally can't imagine how that must have felt. But what is stopping you from succeeding right now? Yes you lost a lot, but why don't try again, what can you lose?

There are times in our lives where the best we can do is just work as much as we can. Don't know about your condition but it didn't stop you from success in 2016 why now? Working in SEO, web design, etc. is still very profitable. I really wish you all the best. And if you need any help or advice feel free to pm me. Don't worry I won't steal your company. ;)
 

ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
I'm sorry to hear that you got betrayed by friends and business partners. I literally can't imagine how that must have felt. But what is stopping you from succeeding right now? Yes you lost a lot, but why don't try again, what can you lose?

There are times in our lives where the best we can do is just work as much as we can. Don't know about your condition but it didn't stop you from success in 2016 why now? Working in SEO, web design, etc. is still very profitable. I really wish you all the best. And if you need any help or advice feel free to pm me. Don't worry I won't steal your company. ;)
Humans and Baboons have similar social hierarchies and structure except, humans have varying mediums of these social structures. I'm in about 3 online communities (now including this one) for special interest in life. The female situation and friend stuff got better by Jan of this year, cause I started saying the word "no" and started to, hmm, the word worry isn't what I want to use here, the word (think) is more appropriate. Yea, I started to think more about me and what I want. I was in this hump socially and love wise where residual habits of bitching about the 2. I will now devote my social time to this place and the other 2. Hey thanks for the encouragement Kasimir
 

Kasimir

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Humans and Baboons have similar social hierarchies and structure except, humans have varying mediums of these social structures. I'm in about 3 online communities (now including this one) for special interest in life. The female situation and friend stuff got better by Jan of this year, cause I started saying the word "no" and started to, hmm, the word worry isn't what I want to use here, the word (think) is more appropriate. Yea, I started to think more about me and what I want. I was in this hump socially and love wise where residual habits of bitching about the 2. I will now devote my social time to this place and the other 2. Hey thanks for the encouragement Kasimir
No problem, love to help if I'm able to.
I also had some difficulties with friends including females. It wasn't that I didn't have any friends, the problem was that I didn't focus on me and I worried too much about what other people thought of me. Honestly, that's still a problem, but surely not nearly as big of an issue as then a few years ago. But I'm working on it.
What is your business situation right now if I may ask?
 

Kevin88660

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Every person I get involved with business or a promise to do business with, I end up getting bullshitted. I can't take it anymore. I make sure to turn work in ontime everytime. I get bullshitted by everyone females, business partners, everybody. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I know you get what you put out but I make sure to live up to my word. I really want a music career. And once again have to start from the bottom and at 34 again taking this kid on as a partner.

Last situation I got involved in was taking on a partner for my news/culture/media website... I didn't want to do it, the kid convinced me and told me Ohh I go to college and know people that will write for us and I myself will produce 2 articles a day...So I dropped my pursuit of a music career to do it with him, it's now 112 days later he wrote 6 articles... He did do things but not returning to the site the kind of devotion I did. His family is millionaires and had no incentive to push himself, his girlfriend is autistic and this is one of the reasons he explained why work didnt get done cause she keeps tabs on him while him living in Atlanta and her being in Oregon... Everytime they broke up from him not holding her pockets, I would rejoyce a little on the inside cause that mean work would get done. .. I returned his content he wrote back to him and broke the partnership.

I'm in a pretty bad spot in life and things happened to me last year, ontop of that stuff more total different stuff happened to where I was embarrased and exposed by a female that tried pursuing a relationship with me. I got no like motivation for anything anymore. I got ideas for businesses and alls they take is effort. I started taking adderall couple months ago (prescribed by doctor), this has helped some but I dont know anymore. Nothing gos my way not even a little bit or despite the effort I put in. I still got the site, its a pretty unique name and I owned the domain past 5 years.

2016 was my only successful run at SEO, when the site got to be worth over 100k he locked me out of everything and I learned my lesson to get an LLC. The last known traffic was april 2016, when I exed out the project it was up to 5 million hits a month and it was the only website in the world in the niche we were doing. I still have the info on it but. No clue anymore.

Neway if you have any inspriation just to keep going on with life I'd appreciate it.
I don’t know you but sounds like you are a generous person who have potential, that’s why people who know you do make an effort to bullshit and make promises to you to capture the future return on your efforts, but it seems like you have a problem saying no to people.

I don’t think that you do not know how to judge people. It is more like you do not want to upset others, who sense your inability to say no as a weakness, and try to lock you into some relationship where they gain the upside in it.
 

ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
I don’t know you but sounds like you are a generous person who have potential, that’s why people who know you do make an effort to bullshit and make promises to you to capture the future return on your efforts, but it seems like you have a problem saying no to people.

I don’t think that you do not know how to judge people. It is more like you do not want to upset others, who sense your inability to say no as a weakness, and try to lock you into some relationship where they gain the upside in it.
You're majority right about me with just something wrong. One of my passions is NL Texas Holdem and felted

Joseph Cheong couple times.​

. One of the things ADHD grants me is speed in everything, even my body processes like hair growth, or wound regeneration, or synaptic firing, and even have to watch what drugs I take cause my threshold is very big with drinking ( which I barely maybe once every 2 years). My hair grows 10 inches in a year, or if I shave my eyebrows clean, instead of needing months to grow they come back in 2 weeks. Or being able to read someone really fast and not giving tells I just did. However, anything in life I believe in the power of possibility in unlikely people or things. Like someone doing something they aren't supposed to, or having some innate gift they're not meant to wield/have and I've had this. In Christianity my mom calls it power of discernment < which is where I get it from and don't want to offend people with a few situations where I called it way before finding out or having any tell tail signs. Before I go into long-winded explanation.

I was given my American Indian name when I was 12, night before (which we weren't told going to be named) I dreamt of an Eagle flying east over those tall rock formations in Arizona, the ones with trees growing on them, and in a bright early sky. My name was called and I was given tobacco as an offering for the fire and ceremony. Vic (the medicine man) names me Morning Eagle. I didn't understand for a long time why this name especially around that age could never wake up early for school. By 21 fully understood. I see things way before other people do, or find trends (like I did with btc or other stuff) and can predict patterns. However, me and my mom are alike but our styles are different. My Mother can see right through someone's fake facade and the world for what it is or what they are. When I look at the world or someone I can see what it or they could be.


Off top of mind theres alot of situations where I shouldnt of survived, or did the things I could or do. Example, my side of the car getting crushed by an 18 wheeler with the roof and door frame coming down on my head. Just wasn't real or possible me surviving that and walking away with only a scratch on my skull but was a heavy blow. Similar story, my Mother was hit head on by a driver. When her car was hit, she went through her windshield and fully through the windshield of the car that hit her head on, and fully conscious, just like how I was with the 18 wheeler hit. I'm a Texas Holdem player at heart, so when I do things it's all on the line or not, sometimes paid off, sometimes it hasn't. Like with females, friends, or business partners. But MJ is right and need to do things for myself and believe Corona lockdown is the Universe & gods making people grow the f*ck up. THank you for your kinds words. And I know I have to be a little more realistic like my Mother than I currently am. However, I got my niceness from my Mother. Which we both serve the community for that dopamine rush you get. She's the smartest person I know.
 
Last edited:

ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
Night & Day. Extreme Ownership is a great book.

Getting the book now. Hope it's as good as Script. It's wild you posted that cause I play motivation vids through out day w/Jocko narrating most of them. I play these instead of listening to music cause music gets you high and you'll get lethargic and lazy less proficient.
 

Kasimir

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Sep 4, 2020
271
240
150
Switzerland
You're majority right about me with just something wrong. One of my passions is NL Texas Holdem and felted

Joseph Cheong couple times.​

. One of the things ADHD grants me is speed in everything, even my body processes like hair growth, or wound regeneration, or synaptic firing, and even have to watch what drugs I take cause my threshold is very big with drinking ( which I barely maybe once every 2 years). My hair grows 10 inches in a year, or if I shave my eyebrows clean, instead of needing months to grow they come back in 2 weeks. Or being able to read someone really fast and not giving tells I just did. However, anything in life I believe in the power of possibility in unlikely people or things. Like someone doing something they aren't supposed to, or having some innate gift they're not meant to wield/have and I've had this. In Christianity my mom calls it power of discernment < which is where I get it from and don't want to offend people with a few situations where I called it way before finding out or having any tell tail signs. Before I go into long-winded explanation.

I was given my American Indian name when I was 12, night before (which we weren't told going to be named) I dreamt of an Eagle flying east over those tall rock formations in Arizona, the ones with trees growing on them, and in a bright early sky. My name was called and I was given tobacco as an offering for the fire and ceremony. Vic (the medicine man) names me Morning Eagle. I didn't understand for a long time why this name especially around that age could never wake up early for school. By 21 fully understood. I see things way before other people do, or find trends (like I did with btc or other stuff) and can predict patterns. However, me and my mom are alike but our styles are different. My Mother can see right through someone's fake facade and the world for what it is or what they are. When I look at the world or someone I can see what it or they could be.


Off top of mind theres alot of situations where I shouldnt of survived, or did the things I could or do. Example, my side of the car getting crushed by an 18 wheeler with the roof and door frame coming down on my head. Just wasn't real or possible me surviving that and walking away with only a scratch on my skull but was a heavy blow. Similar story, my Mother was hit head on by a driver. When her car was hit, she went through her windshield and fully through the windshield of the car that hit her head on, and fully conscious, just like how I was with the 18 wheeler hit. I'm a Texas Holdem player at heart, so when I do things it's all on the line or not, sometimes paid off, sometimes it hasn't. Like with females, friends, or business partners. But MJ is right and need to do things for myself and believe Corona lockdown is the Universe & gods making people grow the f*ck up. THank you for your kinds words. And I know I have to be a little more realistic like my Mother than I currently am. However, I got my niceness from my Mother. Which we both serve the community for that dopamine rush you get. She's the smartest person I know.
Oh wow, what a story. Ever thought about writing a book? :)
Did you ever think about trying to help younger people who are maybe in a similar situation? Things like ADHD are becoming more and more popular. And sadly as you said they are often misdiagnosed and in some cases, these are even self-diagnosed. Because it's allegedly cool now to have a thing. I think with the kindness from your mother and your experience you could help a lot of kids.
 

ToneDoinIt

New Contributor
Oct 1, 2020
7
9
11
Ohio
Oh wow, what a story. Ever thought about writing a book? :)
Did you ever think about trying to help younger people who are maybe in a similar situation? Things like ADHD are becoming more and more popular. And sadly as you said they are often misdiagnosed and in some cases, these are even self-diagnosed. Because it's allegedly cool now to have a thing. I think with the kindness from your mother and your experience you could help a lot of kids.
You're a smart guy. A book, eventually. I will have a writing career, but w/music. And there's a lot I've been through being a first gen millennial being born in 86. Too much to put on this forum post and if I did it would sound or look like I'm bitching. I want my Mom to write a book badly. We're were heavily involved in the Amanda berry case,, in fact, the only ones looking for her the 11 years she was missing because, the 1st district police in Cleveland told her "your daughter is most likely a run away", we were so close to the case cause my Mother was her mom's best friend (only became best friends with her after her daughter went missing and to support her), we were so close to the case my family was at her Amanda's moms bed side as she was passing away w/my Mother telling her " I know you're tired, it's ok, we're going to still look for her" The things that happened in my families life are real. Like me being estalked and is why I'm hesitant posting things about me,but this forum is to help build people up and get their personal careers and finances up so Ill give example. Things dealing with the law, alot of things.

This channel is pretty much abandoned, like I said former partner convinced me he would produce content, and with the guy above saying how can he convince. In business there's these things called Variables, and they come up all the time, like a functioning part of our websites social media branding not working. More specifically an Instagram module that automatically posts from our site, to IG, or vice versa, it not working, then having to contact the Wordpress Theme Author and then paying for support. and since August no solution. These kind of Road Blocks come up in my life or ventures all the time, everytime to point it feels like I'm cursed. To modules not working to server errors, I know this is complaining 8(.
< such as that

Back to giving out personal stuff. This YouTube Channel I abandoned as I'm not able to concentrate building a website, making content for that site, making sure everything's updated on it, learning very minimum PHP to change things on the APACHE server, branding, social media branding about 15 other things it takes for a functioning enterprise to work, and then making 3 beats a day and recording a song, then render those beats to videos with effects used in Premiere Pro, Adobe After Effects etc < which I just bought a gaming level computer < don't have one game installed just need faster render times for videos, and low editing cache latency. Throw making of a mixtape ontop of all that (more variables like cover art, so many other things, like finding spotify playlist curators, then investigating if those curators have bot listeners or real people in order to be paying the amount of money they want). The one thing that's different about me and my Mother's heart is I give too many chances...People think I'm the shife tough one, no thats her lol. When people say "ohh man, I got this dream, I'm going to make it, I'm going to do it, I'm different than everyone else, I have talent, they have writers, I'm just me" well, these people are very critical on others, but that same amount level of critique they don't apply to themselves and they produce a shotty sh!t product, or atleast the bad ones do... People like me (in person) because I'm able to show people they have this unlimited insurmountable power and ability that they need not look anywhere but inside themselves. Whether I'm hanging out, in competition with someone playing games, socially, anything. And it seems only person I'm not able to do this for is myself....Because I am my hardest critic and don't stop until I nail it. And perhaps is why I havn't got alot accomplished in life as I figure to do it right or not at all and figure to delegate some of the work needed to a partner believing I can't do it all myself (like the last partner for my news/culture/media . From Beats, Full songs, to websites, anything... Now again, before I post beat example not for any kind of brand promotion or advertising as I cut the costs for alot of it to put on hold until News site was done including my beat stars store (stopped paying for the monthly fee) and a bunch of other things. With music these days, and this is something I learned recently my self, you have to leave room on the track it self for the performer craft (be it singer, rapper, or spoken word). If you ever wondered to yourself "why the hell has music got so sh!tty, or simple sounding" the above explaination can perhaps explain that away. So here these go from simplest to complex with just a little music theory.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="
View: https://www.youtube.com/embed/pVfdGYLrFYE
" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="
View: https://www.youtube.com/embed/dwJJc6iwmwg
" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="
View: https://www.youtube.com/embed/08wCo1RRQ68
" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="
View: https://www.youtube.com/embed/91XfanO9U08
" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="
View: https://www.youtube.com/embed/4AcemjRZ6fk
" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="[FREE] Trap Type Beat 2020 - " Them Migos" | Perfect | Rap-Instrumentals Hype Freestyle Beat - YouTube" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I was in the middle of rebranding my channel using a YouTube low competition keyword formula where you reuse exact keywords in title w/minor changes in it like the beat name, using same video tags, and same description in order to properly ranking for low competition high search volume beat video niches such as, Drake Type Beat, or Trap Type Beat 2020 < Drake type is low competition or atleast was last time I checked, not Trap.

Before you think it's all totally garbage, please keep in mind I don't use loops. Yes, every producer uses samples, melodic samples. Every sound on these is a sample, the only samples I actually use are one-shot wave file samples, a single kick for example, or a single clap, or hi hat. Absolutely no melodic samples, I make these all here from scratch.... Now I have wayyyyyyyyyyy more complex beats/music like my Chop C# remake rendition I made from scratch. But that isn't the goal. Now making music can be quite lucrative for a Artist, Beat Maker, Producer aside from having his stuff playing on the radio. You can sell instrumentals for peoples workout videos on YouTube, product commercials (on Tv OR Product Placement commercials on YouTube or Private Site) alot of things. Or per se you don't sell anything, you don't have a store and just upload your stuff to YouTube or Soundcloud, then you can get an ascap or BMI Writers or Publishing company license as technically everytime a beat is played anywhere, and I mean anywhere, you're supposed to be compensated for it.... People who do not claim and collect these royalties that money sits in a account and gos unclaimed until I believe a record label or I believe the industry can claim it after a certain amount of time thus the music industry being worth trillions. But just Beats/Instrumentals are not my goal... If you ask me "have you ever had any kind of success with music before?" I would have to tell you "Wow, what a great question. I'm so glad you asked that, yes, Yes I have." Once again as Mj said I need to do things myself and that reverberates to every part of my life and literally rings true with everything as I can't think of a time I didn't do anything major without a partner or group. I was apart of a production group that formed from all of us meeting on a video chat website in 2007, and our group made the beat for the song below and it is a Major placement - (to uninitiated a Major placement for a beat is when an artist signed to a major record label uses your music). However, one of us only got paid for it (Igrind) because he filed the ascap membership, it's not the biggest song in the world and he didn't become rich off of it, but I still thought it was cool we were apart of the process.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="Jody Breeze - Lights Camera Action (Official Music Video) - YouTube" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>



Now, I give myself a hard time alot. More than others, because I'm capable of things people don't think I can do. When I tell you here and now I am x50 a way better Lyricist, WordSmith, Singer, or if you want to Call it Rapper than I am a beatmaker or producer. "Well, that's great Tone, but the music just isn't about the best lyrics, it's how you deliver it and the richness of your voice". Wow, my sentiments exactly! Luckily, my mother gave me her old cassette recorder from the 70's when I was 2 years old, then when home alone franchise came out bought me a talk boy! My voice is my best feature. And I have a story, a unique one, w/part of it gang banging @ 13/14 all the while at the exact same time singing in a boyband. To going homeless at 15 with my family (that had toddlers aswells) all from a house fire, while dropping out of Highschool in the 9th grade. But, sometimes I cry. Why? Because I don't have unrealized talent, I have unseen talent by the world and can point the finger and blame nobody but me for letting things get me down (nothing I mentioned here) and give me the false notion of stopping me from my dream. Not hardcore tears, not wose me, just sad, and I'm not mentioning any of this for sympathy, this isn't a place for cryers, but winners, and don't want symp. "Why Tone?" I started making music and beats at 17/18. I'm now 34, and by the day this impending feeling of doom lingers more and more over my head because of it feeling "almost" to late but not yet...Someone that's 50 or 60 prob saying "you're still a puppy", that may be so, but I let things get to me and in my mind and figuratively flip me over to my back side and do me dry. The thing that's detrimental is I'm not marketable compared to a 21 year old self, but what I'm not, is hopeless. I still believe IN a chance and a chance over that 21-year-old as 18 to 34 is the general demographic as I turned 34 last late july. That's not reason for the chance, it go's full circle back to the ADHD. How? Well luckily, because of the ADHD in general being a developmental disorder ( that's if a person truly has it, and I truly do) you're given excelled gifts in some fields of intellect, some fields not and even physically held back but eventually catch up, and excelled in some fields. What does that mean? Well because physically I look around 23, oldest I got if I don't eat for a week and face gets drawn is 26. How is that so? Well, Usually a persons brain and amygdala is fully formed by 25, this is why psychologist, Doctors and other researchers say you're the person you're going to be for the rest of your life by 25, that basically you're set in your ways. This is absolutely tried and true and Tai Lopez has a video on it, but he said a person can change after that by way of severe trauma. But, YES BUT! But, if you truly have ADHD your amygdala and brain only start to be fully formed at 36! And that's earliest, can be later. This i the time to start because luckily I don't look haggard, if not now then never. This is the reason for alot, this is why just at turning 34 this year my Wisdom teeth just broke through in the back of my gums, this is why I even have epiphyseal tissue still open in my body when had some ex rays taken recently, this is why my beard wasn't fully formed and continues to darken, and this makes up the largest part of me still having a chance aside from forming will power to not give up. Because this is the year I listened to that little voice in the back of my mind saying " this is your last shot"

My Mother being the great woman she is tried to get me treated as a teenager holistically. Lets just say mushrooms and kale pills and 1 to 1000 tinctures of things didn't work... I went and got all my records from schools starting 1st grade and my medical records from 3 actual DO medical Doctor diagnosis, 3 Psychiatrist diagnosis, 4 psychologists diagnosis, and 4 testing diagnoses from 4 separate schools. All school reports said something similar or looked similar stating " distracts other students during class time ( making them laugh), school work proves to be hard". This is where I learned to be the funniest person I know to make up for not being able to sit still or keep occupied on one task. It also wasn't easy because I only found 1 diagnosis when I tried going to this Doctor out here and would eventually find out her practice doesn't believe in ADHD or that it's over-diagnosed and tried telling me I had something else that and insinuating I was drug seeking all the while never having a problem with any of that before or record for it. I was pissed, she had an actual MD license, was a Psychologist too, but had crystal therapy and other stuff. I left that cow a bad review, but before I did courier sent the rest of my paperwork I found in a storage unit my mom has as we live in separate cities. I'm on highest dose they can prescribe a person w/the very first attempt to dose me doing nothing. That's when Doc explained people that have it have higher threshold for drugs, and explains when I got Labrum surgery from Cleveland Indians Overhand Pitcher Doctor before you wake up from surgery they hit you with a numbing sedative suppose to last 3-4 days, lasted 12 hours from waking up. Or when I go to dentist them having to keep hitting me with novocaine. And further explaining why one christmas even ( only time I really drink) I went through a 24 case and half ( so 36) bud lights, If I remember right 30 some jello shots, about 15-16 shots of 151 ( cause my sister is half puerto rican and likes it so we had it) and I forgot what else, but I was straight and wasn't sloppy. When was doing all this research past 12 months (decided to seek help through meds "Adderall" past 4 months) alot of people so gravitated toward cocaine use and explains why there is rampant crack cocaine usage in the hood where I was raised or any other hood, because ADHD is a trauma developmental disorder, with alot of unchecked trauma so the heads self medicate. And of course explains why I go off on long tangents of providing info nobody asked for just incase they needed minor details. ADD you're born with it. My mother said she was told she had ADD but I think cause she's going to turn 70 next may they didn't know alot about it back then. She is less figity but does have alot of energy and told me that's why I clean to burn it off and doesn't look her age. I think there's proof you can get it invitro. If so, she has it, my grand mother received shock therapy while pregnant with my mom. I come from a nervous person I'm an emote and won't go into the spiritual part of my life cause this forum is about bettering yourself financially. But, eventually will go into what kind of shock I endured while inside my mother and what she was put through when pregnant with me, by whom, and then explain how I got it (and remember what happened giving me ADHD8( ) and that i've dealt with this for 34 years and has gone unchecked for that long. This will come when I hit some sort of milestone.


But, music this is my last shot to form structure as a person in general and discipline to get what I want in life. And not rely on anyone. This is the only amount of time in my life I remember reading books and not getting the ADHD sweats go up my back making me readjust in my seat or just stop. Before being helped chemically, the only thing that could make me submit In my chair, not move and do my work is Music production. But with a career, a successful one, it's something you know deep deep deep in you that can happen. And to save cash not getting any kind of Film Company, after projects take off going to buy Ursa or Cinema Camera, lenses from Aliexpress, already have Student Id Activated Adobe Suite Creative Cloud for video production when the time comes but that's day dreaming 50 steps ahead of from where I'm at right now. If I could be seen heard I know I have lasting power that's not the goal, it be to help a kid that's confused and to own up to his own shit and not blame or take it out on anyone. That's why I don't believe in procreating on GOV assistance, won't produce a child if on any either as I was a product of it from my Dad being an a**hole. I did need to be on SSI for a while cause of something that happened and don't get the 725 people usually get because I paid alot from what I earned from things. But the most fulfilling part of my aspirations my mom being proud of me finally cause I'm self actualizing what I want to be doing in life and where I want to be. That is the ultimate success in my mind picturing her sweet old a$$ sitting down and having to worry about the selection of cars she wants.


I have 4 ideas and domains already purchased, setup on my VPS. Installing themes/plugins now w/ the branding for it done (logos) and branding ancillaries (social media accounts attributed to it)

Ohh I forgot to mention in my rant I'm paying a craigslist english tutor to come once a week, to help communication skills and pay less proof readers. Had to dropout in 9th grade .
 
Last edited:

Kasimir

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
Sep 4, 2020
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Switzerland
Hi mate,

What a story. Needed to make an ice cream break after halfway through :).

So here my takes:

Music
Sounds great and you really put in a lot of effort.
Do you sing, rap, or do you "just" do beats and producing?

ADHD
For me, it sounds like you were a perfect person to help others. Could you imagine yourself helping other people struggling with similar problems?

Amanda berry case
Never heard of that case before, due to the fact that I live in Switzerland. But after a short google search, I'm shocked about what happened. And sorry to hear that you were so close to the victims family.

Business
It's clear that you do whatever it takes to succeed. What I didn't get is, if your business is only around your music or are your branding businesses in another niche? If yes what are these businesses around, if I may ask?

Book
You have to write a book. Maybe now it's too early, but in some years it would be great!

Your story really sounds like a book or a film. If you need any help feel free to pm me.
-Kasimir
 

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