Quit Asking for Advice If You Ain't Doing Shit With It

[MJ DeMarco]

Very rarely do I find an article that has me yelling and screaming "Yeah! Yeah! You tell em!" -- I feel as if this was written by me.

Awesome piece by Benny Hsu...

Stop Asking For Advice If You're Just Gonna Waste People's Time

Excerpts...

Let me say something if you’re thinking about emailing someone for advice.

I’m sure you’re emailing them because you value their advice.

You want to know what needs to be done achieve goals similar to theirs.

Here is my advice to you before you hit send. Don’t waste someone’s time if you’re not going to to anything with their advice.

I don’t come out of lamp

They’re hoping I’m a genie and I’m going to snap my fingers and grant them three wishes that’ll come true.

They’re looking for a free pass. They want me to have all the answers to their problems. They’re hoping I say, “Do A, B, and C” and everything will be perfect. They want me to say it’s so easy even a caveman can do it.

They want to buy a $1 l0ttery ticket and win millions.

I hit send and a couple things will happen.

Either I hear nothing back at all, or they reply with how appreciative they are that I took the time to write back.

I saved some of these emails just because I wanted to check and see how the advice worked for them.

Most of the time what I see is a blog that looks pretty much how it was the first time I saw it. They haven’t taken any of my advice and put it into action.

Why even ask if they don’t do anything with it?

I didn’t think much about it. I gave them my advice, and that’s all I can do. But this is a recurring theme.

Why why why?

Their problem is they want the quick fix. They want me or someone else to solve their problem for them and make the tough choices. They’re hoping that one email will give them all the inspiration and motivation they need. They want to skip through all the hard work and enjoy the rewards.

They expect someone to tell them how to make 1000 a day, working only one hour, with no experience, no website, and no stress.

They want someone to hold their hand and do everything for them.
While working on this post, I noticed this tweet from Steve Kamb at Nerd Fitness.



I willing to bet if Steve replied to emails like that, it’d be a waste of time. The first give away is “but don’t have any ideas”.

What it really means is “I’m too lazy to look myself.”

 

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[Kingmaker]

Bump. This thread kicked my a$$ long time ago, hope it helps someone else.

When I stopped asking general questions and started to DO first, I started to make more money than I ever have. NOT a coincidence.

"Asking questions (permission) is simply a way of avoiding action. When you ask a question you get to wait for an answer. Waiting is the opposite of doing." - Victor Pride

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I LOVE when these sort of people PM and email me.

Unfortunately, it is fundamentally impossible once you reach a certain volume.

If you have 100 emails asking you for advice and it takes you 10 minutes to provide it, you'll need to allocate 2 days just to follow-up. And after you spend those 2 days answering? Bam. There's another 100 for you to answer.

 

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[Andy Black]

Funny, A few of us forum members met up outside DC the other night and talked about this very thing.

@Andy Black You are truly one of the most generous people i know in terms of spending your time giving valuable advice. I think I told you at one point that has a cycle. After a while, when more than 50% of the people you spend time with don't do anything, the ability to continue will wane. These days, I can tell the difference from someone who is asking and will consider it and use it vs those that aren't.

It's also why meeting up with people if you are trying to get advice is best. When people see that you at least have the guts to show up they are more likley to spend the time. And it's hard to waste someones time face to face and then do nothing at all.

Thanks for the kind words Chris.

I've been thinking about this last night. I know some get discouraged when they give advice or mentoring to people who ask for it, and it then falls on deaf ears.

Maybe it's a matter of time for me, but so far I am not in the slightest bit discouraged.

What I realised last night is that I don't just "give with no expectation of a return", but I "give *expecting* no return".

It's no skin off my nose if I spend time with someone and they don't take action.

I get so much out of it myself... I learn different ways people are stuck. I learn different ways to explain how to get unstuck. I get better and better each time.

It's ultimately not up to me to motivate someone to take action. That has to come from within themselves.

I often finish those kind of coaching calls by saying I don't want anything in return, and they are under no obligation to act on anything we've discussed.

I just ask them to pay it forward if they make progress and are ever in a position to do so.

Every now and then I get an update out of the blue, and of course, I'm delighted to hear of someone making progress. But I don't expect it, so they are always a nice surprise.


EDIT: There's something else too. If I get paid, then I haven't created an "imbalance". The transaction would be complete.

Karma doesn't work like that.

 

[MikeMillionaire]

Mj I did this to you and I apologize .
I don't know what I was thinking and any answer you gave wouldn't change things anyway .

It's MY business

 

[Vigilante]

Does anyone else think it's somewhat futile yet amusing to give MJ speed for classic posts like this?

 

[Andy Black]

Damn. It didn't occur to me that people would do nothing with advice they ASKED for.

I think I need to change one of my favourite quotes from:

"People ask for advice for two reasons. To do the opposite, and to have someone to blame if it goes wrong."

to

"People ask for advice for three reasons. To do the opposite, to have someone to blame when it goes wrong, and to do nothing."


What do you reckon? Does it have a nicer ring to it?

 

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[LightHouse]

I can't like this thread enough. I can't stand anyone sending an email for anything, getting a response, then not emailing back. Not to mention PM's that are just copy pasted and generic... Zero effort on your part constitutes Zero effort on my part... and now you ruined your reputation!

After saying that I sure hope i followed up on all the emails I have sent in the past! haha

 

[DeletedUser394]

Now this is a quality bump. Not like the relationship trash that was bumped yesterday.

 

[Eskil]

Yeah I don't know how many times over the years that I have been pm'ed on forums or emailed by people who want me to give them specific solutions. And I have tried to help many that way, often with detailed responses - but more often than not, it is left unappreciated or worse; not used at all. I see those same guys some months later and they haven't acted on my advice at all. They just keep on trying new things instead, probably asking other guys for the next big thing. Lol..

However, when I DO know that my advice has been actively put into action, that makes me feel good too.
Like PatrickP mentioned, I enjoy helping people out when they come to me with questions and I can tell that they are serious about making a change for themselves. And I can speak for myself that when I do ask others for advice, be it email or pm, I DO act on it and use that advice.

I'm always aware of possibly wasting someone's time, so I always try to keep this in mind if and when I do contact someone.

It's the freeloaders / action-fakers of the world that end up spamming people like MJ's mailbox...

 

[LightHouse]

Funny, A few of us forum members met up outside DC the other night and talked about this very thing.

@Andy Black You are truly one of the most generous people i know in terms of spending your time giving valuable advice. I think I told you at one point that has a cycle. After a while, when more than 50% of the people you spend time with don't do anything, the ability to continue will wane. These days, I can tell the difference from someone who is asking and will consider it and use it vs those that aren't.

It's also why meeting up with people if you are trying to get advice is best. When people see that you at least have the guts to show up they are more likley to spend the time. And it's hard to waste someones time face to face and then do nothing at all.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Bump. Classic.

 

[SteveO]

A few of us forum members met up outside DC the other night

Did you scare them with your clown outfit?

I think most people that ask for advice already know what they plan on doing. Answers are frequently followed up with a statement about a better way.

 

[PatrickP]

I am going to take the other side.

I LOVE when these sort of people PM and email me. It is well documented I am very bored and love to talk/write about business. So I send a very long detailed reply and then if I don't hear back I think well I got my karma points in and that is just another person who wont be competing in the market place but it isn't because I didn't try to help them.

 

[jilla82]

Funny...I woke up this morning thinking how I have to stop asking for advice for every detail and just do.
The reality is that nobody can tell you whats going to work for you...even an experts advice can be wrong.

Will read later.

 

[Skys]

One thing I did learn here, is how important it is to ask the right question. So whenever you want advice, make sure you know what you want to ask and do some investigation on your own.

My worst PM was: Could U give me some booktips?

My best was about passive marketing. Where I asked somebody how to go about my goal to become a headhunter, and get to the fastlane with certain branding (branding myself).

The first question was SUPER impulsive, and I am even kind of emberassed I wasted people's time with it. Thankfully they plain ignored me haha Which, was maybe an even more valueable lesson that getting a book to read!

My question about passive marketing, I am super happy I asked. Because I well on my path making stuff happen with advice I would not have come up myself.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I hope you are saving them so if you do a follow up book you can let them know.

Yes.

if you could go back in time, would you still put it in?

Yes.

I enjoy hearing from readers ... unfortunately, some of them think I have some sort of crystal ball and can make their life decisions for them and "I enjoyed your book" turns into "What do I do?" Many sound very impressive, while others, are just too comfortable with their life to really make any changes (I have a great job that I hate but don't want to take the risk to leave it) and are destined to choose the illusion of security over the reality of happiness.

 

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[Andy Black]

I definitely agree that "you" (or anyone) shouldn't expect a thing. I think we are thinking about two different types here. The askholes and the folks that are in motion. If you are analyzing someones campaign, and they take your advice and consider it but do something else, that is somewhat normal and common. What i was referring to is the askhole. Someone who asks and asks but never does anything and comes back for more having not yet done a thing.

Ah yes. There are definitely those type of askholes out there. They can even be exceedingly nice people too.

One that springs to mind is a former small business client that asks almost every 12 months for my help to reduce their costs.

Every single time I tell them "You think your costs are too high because your revenue is too low."

They always agree.

Then I ask them "Have you created a dedicated landing page for that main search term driving your account?"

They always say "No." and disappear for another 12 months.

This has been going on years.

Imagine how much bigger their business would be now if they had been generating twice the number of leads and sales for the last 4 years?

 

[BrucetonGuy]

I have seen several posts on the forum that read something like "Where can I find a mentor?"

If these people would look closely, they will see that there is a WEALTH of knowledge available to them. All they have to do is ask and the information is provided (FREE of charge) from some VERY experienced Fastlaners! However, the problem arises when they DO NOTHING with that information or worse yet, they expect someone to do it for them.

To use an analogy, as I am an avid fisherman, this would be like someone who has never fished before, having 20-30 experienced, well recognized fishermen available to answer any question they may have about fishing. They ask "Where do I catch the biggest fish?" or "What pole/line combo should I use to catch this certain type of fish?" And after receiving the best, most detailed explanations, they do nothing and still don't know how to fish.

I have asked for and received some FANTASTIC advice from folks here on the forum and have implemented that advice. Why someone wouldn't run with that knowledge is beyond my comprehension.

ON A SIDE NOTE: I am going to post the picture of the baby in TMF Funnies thread!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Seriously I am not sure where they are getting your email addy from

My email address is listed in my book ... TWICE ... once at the beginning, and again, at the end.

 

[socaldude]

Unfortunately, it is fundamentally impossible once you reach a certain volume.

If you have 100 emails asking you for advice and it takes you 10 minutes to provide it, you'll need to allocate 2 days just to follow-up. And after you spend those 2 days answering? Bam. There's another 100 for you to answer.

I can only imagine you deleted your email account LOL. "Is this Fastlane?", "I need your help", "How about this idea?" "How do I do this?" "I don't do anything all day what do I do?" "Should I Do XYZ or ABC?" "What is your address"

Seriously the Fastlane is all about being a SELF determined individual. You are able to formulate your OWN reasoning and direction. Seriously we are all grown a$$ adults, we don't need someone to come wipe our a$$ and spoon feed us. Honestly if you need someone to come and hold your hand, pat your bottom, rub your belly and burp you then the Fastlane is NOT for you.

People are lazy. They want OTHERS to do the critical thinking and problem solving. Fastlaners? Nope. They think for 5 minutes straight, 20 minutes straight, 1 hour straight, 2 hours straight even DAYS straight until that problem is solved. The MAJORITY can't even think critically beyond two seconds. It's okay to seek help from others but ONLY AFTER you know you did your BEST.

STOP group thinking which destroys uniqueness and critical reasoning and move towards SELF thinking. Think different, Think a lot and think independently. This why warren buffett and steve jobs are rich. Warren doesn't ask for investment advice from other investors because he self thinks. Jobs doesn't do that either because he THINKS DIFFERENT.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

somebody who emails mj asking "how do i file an lcc paperwork" or "is this fastlane" is NOT doing their best.

Agreed.

My point is that Buffet did ask for advice and he used that advice.

And what do you think the Buffet's advice inquiry sounded like?

Something general like, "How do I invest?" (Read: Is this Fastlane? How do I find ideas? How do I learn computers?)

or something a little more specific, indicative of his ability to gather preliminary knowledge and do a little due diligence?

Example...

How do I invest in stock options? (Translation: "Give me A+B+C = I want to be rich")

VS

How does the risk profile change of a high-gamma option as it nears expiration? Does volatility come into play? How much risk is there in my portfolio being -300 delta and what's the best way to neutralize it?? (Translation: "I've started my knowledge journey... but confused on this...")

 

[LightHouse]

Thank you!

As I replied to something earlier I thought there had been a good thread on this.

Don't ask how to do something if you have not even tried it yet.

 

[AllenCrawley]

Bump. Nuff said.

 

[LightHouse]

Thanks for the kind words Chris.

I've been thinking about this last night. I know some get discouraged when they give advice or mentoring to people who ask for it, and it then falls on deaf ears.

Maybe it's a matter of time for me, but so far I am not in the slightest bit discouraged.

What I realised last night is that I don't just "give with no expectation of a return", but I "give *expecting* no return".

It's no skin off my nose if I spend time with someone and they don't take action.

I get so much out of it myself... I learn different ways people are stuck. I learn different ways to explain how to get unstuck. I get better and better each time.

It's ultimately not up to me to motivate someone to take action. That has to come from within themselves.

I often finish those kind of coaching calls by saying I don't want anything in return, and they are under no obligation to act on anything we've discussed.

I just ask them to pay it forward if they make progress and are ever in a position to do so.

Every now and then I get an update out of the blue, and of course, I'm delighted to hear of someone making progress. But I don't expect it, so they are always a nice surprise.


EDIT: There's something else too. If I get paid, then I haven't created an "imbalance". The transaction would be complete.

Karma doesn't work like that.

I definitely agree that "you" (or anyone) shouldn't expect a thing. I think we are thinking about two different types here. The askholes and the folks that are in motion. If you are analyzing someones campaign, and they take your advice and consider it but do something else, that is somewhat normal and common. What i was referring to is the askhole. Someone who asks and asks but never does anything and comes back for more having not yet done a thing.

 

[Skys]

Yep, your questions have improved a bunch in the last few months. Also, your actions have improved as well. Great to see.

Thank you. I still have a long route ahead of me and I still slip sometimes. The more I try to change my behaviour and my mindset, the more I realise how much really is about having the right mindset. Makes me very eager to learn, improve and be open minded about what people try to tell me.

One of the best books I have read the past month is "Just Listen", from Mark Goulston. Pretty eye-opening for a rehabing-stubborn guy like me!

 

[snowbank]

My email address is listed in my book ... TWICE ... once at the beginning, and again, at the end.

if you could go back in time, would you still put it in?

 

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[LightHouse]

Did you scare them with your clown outfit?

I think most people that ask for advice already know what they plan on doing. Answers are frequently followed up with a statement about a better way.

I only wear that in dark back alleys, luckily this was a pretty nice place.

 

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[chubbyrain]

I love this thread. It's direct and holds no punches.

I try to look at a lot of things from the perspective of Pareto's Principle.

So if 100 people need your advice, the chances are only 20 will ask for it. Then out of that 20 you've got yourself another 80/20 rule.

That means if you help 20 people with an email/phone call/conversation only 4 of them will look to take onboard some of your advice!

So, 100 people need help and "Pareto principle"ly speaking, only 4 will do something with it... Shocking...

Anyhow, that's not to say I live my life by a hard and fast rule run by Pareto's principle, but I do see it in life daily for a lot of things I encounter so for me it's a good barometer to measure things by.

 

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[Runum]

One thing I did learn here, is how important it is to ask the right question. So whenever you want advice, make sure you know what you want to ask and do some investigation on your own.

My worst PM was: Could U give me some booktips?

My best was about passive marketing. Where I asked somebody how to go about my goal to become a headhunter, and get to the fastlane with certain branding (branding myself).

The first question was SUPER impulsive, and I am even kind of emberassed I wasted people's time with it. Thankfully they plain ignored me haha Which, was maybe an even more valueable lesson that getting a book to read!

My question about passive marketing, I am super happy I asked. Because I well on my path making stuff happen with advice I would not have come up myself.

Yep, your questions have improved a bunch in the last few months. Also, your actions have improved as well. Great to see.

 

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