The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

MARKETPLACE partnership

Remove ads while supporting the Unscripted philosophy...become an INSIDER.

Alexishost

New Contributor
Sep 8, 2009
52
1
12
My company
hi, i have hosting business specialized in hosting for business.

Packages cost
the minimum packages cost of hosting for business is $440/ Year

Need Good Long term partner
I need good long term partner that can bring both of us good fortune. I can set up you 50% each order.

Good news
I would like to wait good news from you. Feel free to pm me or reply and pm me with your ideas or short proposal

Thank You
Have great day and prosper!
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

OP
OP
A

Alexishost

New Contributor
Sep 8, 2009
52
1
12
For your consideration, please kindly visit My company website : AlexisHost.com
 

FDJustin

Contributor
Apr 30, 2010
715
77
42
Canada
I can see you aren't a native English speaker. Yet, because your messages are understandable and don't require extra thought to understand, I don't know how much it matters. Still, you might consider getting someone who is natively English to perform minor grammatical tweaks to your site.

The structure is a little off but is by far forgivable. It's the little things that make me stop and consider what I'm seeing, rather than what I'm reading.
We don't need to tell you why we are better. Let your self experience at first hand - partnering with a serious player - a multi-million dollar company - with 8 years experience in (the) hosting industry.
The 'at' shouldn't be there, and the 'the' should.

Actually, if you do decide to recruit someone to rewrite the site, that message I picked out could stand a rewrite, now that I'm paying attention. It's possible to keep the overall message while having it said in a way that's more... Uhm. Positive. Maybe even engaging.

"Are you wondering if we can satisfy your needs? We invite you to experience first hand what it means to partner with a professional, multi-million dollar hosting company with over eight years of experience."

... Keep in mind, I'm not a copywriter, and I only did that in one pass without fretting over how to best present the message. So it can still use plenty of tweaking, and be tweaked in many ways. For instance, just changing the final period to an exclamation point (!) entirely alters the tone.
 
OP
OP
A

Alexishost

New Contributor
Sep 8, 2009
52
1
12
thank you fd justin. I appreciate your suggestion
 

Kinsey6287

Blazin Fast!
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Nov 2, 2009
212
103
49
And here I was thinking you had gotten banned...... Hmmm
 
OP
OP
A

Alexishost

New Contributor
Sep 8, 2009
52
1
12
do you have proposal to send Kinsey6287?
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Sponsored Offers

  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Fox's Web Design Guide: Earn $100K this year (Yes, 2020!) and Go Fastlane
How do I sell to a different country with an accent? And a foreign number. Cold e-mails don't...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Kill Bigger Incubator
Hey @Cruiser I just shot you a reply! Amazing product BTW!
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Lex DeVille's - Advanced Freelance Udemy Courses!
Well, we made it halfway through the year. Don't know what the rest'll bring, but it's gonna be...
  • Sticky
FEATURED! Introducing... WEALTH EXPO$ED, A Short Story By MJ DeMarco
Not really a teaser but it does employ a fictional story, so that is similiar. This upcoming...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE You Are One Call Away From Living Your Dream Life - LightHouse’s Accountability Program ⚡
Dropping a quick note in here to say... if you are on TFL, you are part of an elite group of...



Forum Sponsor

sponsor

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Monthly conference calls with doers
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom