Partnering with a smart lady that Im in love with, advice?

[ThinkDifferent]

Hey guys,

In February Im going to live in London because there is a girl that I really like. We dated several times in the past and had an excellent connection but werent able to do anything because of responsibilities (university in different countries). Anyway to come to the point:

I have the idea to start an online business together with her because of the following points:

1. I can trust her! very important. In the past I had a customer send her a large payment, no problem. I almost trust nobody but Im sure she would never steal or do something bad. Very sophisticated and good family. We can also talk very well.

2. She has skills that I dont have. She studied computer science and likes to learn, we could use that for advertisement. More importantly she is good with details. I am HORRIBLE at that, that alone will save me LOTS of money in missed/wrong payments.

3. She is extremely smart. How hard it is to believe she is even smarter than me , but honestly I do think she actually is smarter than me.

4. She is based in London so in terms of setting up legal company it could be easier if its through her. I havent researched it yet.

I thought about the following construction:

-I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
-She could learn how to do for example ads on websites and create traffic. Build beautiful website. Help with processing orders, delivering orders. Customer service.

Anyone experience with this?

Any advice would be greatly helpful. I will likely decide on this within a week or two.

 

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[Lavi Fletcher]

EVERYTHING I'M SAYING HERE IS USING YOUR EXACT WORDS, IF I AM WRONG AND YOU DID NOT INCLUDE THAT, I'M SORRY.

I hope you're not moving to London solely for her.

Every girl in existence, there are millions exactly like her.

Do not do something as huge as moving countries for one girl, as there are plenty more out there (3.5 billion, give or take).

What does "weren't able to do anything" mean? If it means have sex, then she probably doesn't want to have sex with you, unlucks ducks. If it means get more serious in general (unless she wanted to as well), she might not want to become serious just yet because of university, career or whatever else. What if you move, and she doesn't want to be with you, what then?

Please take a step back, you've established that you ARE moving countries, yet you are simply "thinking" about starting a business with her.

How about you actually talk to her and ask her thoughts first? You've obviously finalized it in your mind and are simply coming here for peer approval, but why don't you first see if she would be interested it? What if she straight up says "no thanks" then what are you gonna do, just forget about your business idea?

We don't know who she is, or how she is, no one can make that decision besides you.

Also, judging by the roles you've laid out, you do basically nothing and she does everything.

"Do the business model" wtf does that even mean. "Marketing strategy", well you've said she would make ads and drive traffic, so what would you do in that regard, and since you also said she likes to learn, she could learn marketing too. So she builds the website, processes orders, delivering orders, customer service. And what do you do? "Big picture thinking", how does that help you before you've even started?

idk d00d

 

[ThinkDifferent]

EVERYTHING I'M SAYING HERE IS USING YOUR EXACT WORDS, IF I AM WRONG AND YOU DID NOT INCLUDE THAT, I'M SORRY.

I hope you're not moving to London solely for her.

Every girl in existence, there are millions exactly like her.

Do not do something as huge as moving countries for one girl, as there are plenty more out there (3.5 billion, give or take).

What does "weren't able to do anything" mean? If it means have sex, then she probably doesn't want to have sex with you, unlucks ducks. If it means get more serious in general (unless she wanted to as well), she might not want to become serious just yet because of university, career or whatever else. What if you move, and she doesn't want to be with you, what then?

Please take a step back, you've established that you ARE moving countries, yet you are simply "thinking" about starting a business with her.

How about you actually talk to her and ask her thoughts first? You've obviously finalized it in your mind and are simply coming here for peer approval, but why don't you first see if she would be interested it? What if she straight up says "no thanks" then what are you gonna do, just forget about your business idea?

We don't know who she is, or how she is, no one can make that decision besides you.

Also, judging by the roles you've laid out, you do basically nothing and she does everything.

"Do the business model" wtf does that even mean. "Marketing strategy", well you've said she would make ads and drive traffic, so what would you do in that regard, and since you also said she likes to learn, she could learn marketing too. So she builds the website, processes orders, delivering orders, customer service. And what do you do? "Big picture thinking", how does that help you before you've even started?

idk d00d

Hahaha Loll. Dont know if I should respond.

Anyway I will.

1. we wernet able to do anything = we couldnt continue to have a relationship because I wanted to go to Asia to travel and needed to graduate Uni in Amsterdam. That a girl doesnt wanna have sex is some type of stereotype that I have never encountered in real life.
2. Of course I discussed it with her and she likes the idea, but I told her I will think about it for a while. I dont make huge decisions quickly.

 

[Ninjakid]

Okay bud, why did you REALLY start this thread?

 

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[Leo Hendrix]

How do you know she will agree to this in the first place?

DO you know her aspirations, vision and future dreams? How do you know hers and yours will align?

Sounds like you are taking a lot of risk and relying on someone else to help build your future.

Remember everything is an investment.

 

[Lavi Fletcher]

Hahaha Loll. Dont know if I should respond.

Anyway I will.

1. we wernet able to do anything = we couldnt continue to have a relationship because I wanted to go to Asia to travel and needed to graduate Uni in Amsterdam. That a girl doesnt wanna have sex is some type of stereotype that I have never encountered in real life.
2. Of course I discussed it with her and she likes the idea, but I told her I will think about it for a while. I dont make huge decisions quickly.

hahahaha that's not a stereotype, they just don't want to have sex with the guy at all. the % of girls who say they dont have sex on the first and actually don't is very, very small. the guys who are on the other side of the statement are usually the ones telling everyone that lol

well if you discussed it with her, whats the problem?

 

[ThinkDifferent]

Okay bud, why did you REALLY start this thread?

Get advice from people on what to be careful for, what to discuss in advance etc.

Its funny how in every thread there are several people looking for conspiracy theories.

How do you know she will agree to this in the first place?

DO you know her aspirations, vision and future dreams? How do you know hers and yours will align?

Sounds like you are taking a lot of risk and relying on someone else to help build your future.

Remember everything is an investment.

I discussed it with her. She will keep her job for the first couple of months though. She has got a high paying job but she doesnt like it anymore because its simple and she doesnt learn new things so she wants to quite anyway. So the first months she would be working in here "spare time".

 

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[Leo Hendrix]

I see, OK so she has agreed to it?

Hmm well you only live once, calculated risks can pay off.

 

[ChrisJTurner]

Ok, lets break things down here.

First I would like to say that, no one here is looking for conspiracy theories in your post, they are just asking more questions because you was so vague in your original post.
Lets be honest, you are on a business/entrepreneur website in which most users on this forum are educated and/or worth their salt in business. It goes without saying that they will rip apart your thesis to try and gain an understanding on your concept.
Having said that, some people talk utter BS (myself included sometimes) so maybe some are a little quick to jump to conclusions (myself included)
However, you may notice that when someone is on the right track, everyone will add to it and ask more specific questions to gain more knowledge in said subject.

Here is your original points in bold.

1. I can trust her! very important. In the past I had a customer send her a large payment, no problem. I almost trust nobody but Im sure she would never steal or do something bad. Very sophisticated and good family. We can also talk very well.
Yes, its very important to trust someone, especially in business.
However, just because you observed someone being an ethical person, it doesn't mean that they will be ethical all the time.
I'm sure Hannibal Lecter was ethical in some parts of his life but that doesn't mean you wont wake up in his ice box.

Be very careful with choosing business partners especially when forming a relationship with a woman.
Lets face it, you wont be the first or the last man on earth to be financially raped by a woman.
... Don't let the innocence cloud your judgement.

2. She has skills that I don't have. She studied computer science and likes to learn, we could use that for advertisement. More importantly she is good with details. I am HORRIBLE at that, that alone will save me LOTS of money in missed/wrong payments.
Honestly, in business, not many will give two hoots that she has a degree.
Its not a good advertisement, unless you are offering IT services.
However, if you can find a business partner who is good at the things you are not, this can be a good thing.

3. She is extremely smart. How hard it is to believe she is even smarter than me , but honestly I do think she actually is smarter than me.
No doubt, with a Computer science degree she is smart, so its not hard to believe ... and probably much smarter than some people on here.
Does being university smart make you successful?
No... You'll find most degree graduates pouring your coffee in Starbucks. Very smart.

4. She is based in London so in terms of setting up legal company it could be easier if its through her. I havent researched it yet.
You are a member of the EU, its not more or less difficult for you.

-I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
Seems like she'll be doing most of the 'doing' then.

So its almost 5.15am here in the UK and I haven't had my morning coffee, so please excuse my blunt post; but it for your benefit.

I have a gut feeling that you are making a HUGE mistake.

Don't listen to your penis, he is wrong most of the time.

 

[ThinkDifferent]

Ok, lets break things down here.

First I would like to say that, no one here is looking for conspiracy theories in your post, they are just asking more questions because you was so vague in your original post.
Lets be honest, you are on a business/entrepreneur website in which most users on this forum are educated and/or worth their salt in business. It goes without saying that they will rip apart your thesis to try and gain an understanding on your concept.
Having said that, some people talk utter BS (myself included sometimes) so maybe some are a little quick to jump to conclusions (myself included)
However, you may notice that when someone is on the right track, everyone will add to it and ask more specific questions to gain more knowledge in said subject.

Here is your original points in bold.

1. I can trust her! very important. In the past I had a customer send her a large payment, no problem. I almost trust nobody but Im sure she would never steal or do something bad. Very sophisticated and good family. We can also talk very well.
Yes, its very important to trust someone, especially in business.
However, just because you observed someone being an ethical person, it doesn't mean that they will be ethical all the time.
I'm sure Hannibal Lecter was ethical in some parts of his life but that doesn't mean you wont wake up in his ice box.

Be very careful with choosing business partners especially when forming a relationship with a woman.
Lets face it, you wont be the first or the last man on earth to be financially raped by a woman.
... Don't let the innocence cloud your judgement.

2. She has skills that I don't have. She studied computer science and likes to learn, we could use that for advertisement. More importantly she is good with details. I am HORRIBLE at that, that alone will save me LOTS of money in missed/wrong payments.
Honestly, in business, not many will give two hoots that she has a degree.
Its not a good advertisement, unless you are offering IT services.
However, if you can find a business partner who is good at the things you are not, this can be a good thing.

3. She is extremely smart. How hard it is to believe she is even smarter than me , but honestly I do think she actually is smarter than me.
No doubt, with a Computer science degree she is smart, so its not hard to believe ... and probably much smarter than some people on here.
Does being university smart make you successful?
No... You'll find most degree graduates pouring your coffee in Starbucks. Very smart.

4. She is based in London so in terms of setting up legal company it could be easier if its through her. I havent researched it yet.
You are a member of the EU, its not more or less difficult for you.

-I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
Seems like she'll be doing most of the 'doing' then.

So its almost 5.15am here in the UK and I haven't had my morning coffee, so please excuse my blunt post; but it for your benefit.

I have a gut feeling that you are making a HUGE mistake.

Don't listen to your penis, he is wrong most of the time.

Thanks for the reply, advice and warning.

Thanks about the info on setting op a company in the UK.

She isnt smart because she graduated (most of graduates on Uni are dummies), but because she actually really is very smart, analytical, book + streetsmart, very high IQ,

I actually would be doing most of the job. Besides all strategy I would do most customer service, advertisement and sales. She would help with processing orders as well as technical stuff like building website, finding ways to create traffic through ads etc. I think its important that she will check all orders and payments, because I suck at detail work and make many mistakes.

PS. guys who get financially raped by a woman usually have no experience with woman. They fall in love and cant think clearly. Stuff like a prenup should be standard.

 

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[ChrisJTurner]

Thanks for the reply, advice and warning.

Thanks about the info on setting op a company in the UK.

She isnt smart because she graduated (most of graduates on Uni are dummies), but because she actually really is very smart, analytical, book + streetsmart, very high IQ,

I actually would be doing most of the job. Besides all strategy I would do most customer service, advertisement and sales. She would help with processing orders as well as technical stuff like building website, finding ways to create traffic through ads etc. I think its important that she will check all orders and payments, because I suck at detail work and make many mistakes.

PS. guys who get financially raped by a woman usually have no experience with woman. They fall in love and cant think clearly. Stuff like a prenup should be standard.

Well, seems like you have made your decision.

I hope it all works out for you and I hope my above assumptions are wrong.

All the best
Chris

 

[BlakeIC]

well this good go either totally perfect or totally wrong

from the op you already seem deadset on what you want to do

 

[theag]

Bad idea.

London is a great city, so sure, move there. Lots of opportunities and great people to get to know.

The girl also sounds like a good catch, so sure, date her.

But I would skip the partnering in business part. Thats a recipe for desaster IMO.

 

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[theag]

Stuff like a prenup should be standard.

Yeah those tend to hold up really well in court.. not.

 

[100k]

It sounds like you've already made your mind up, and you just want people to tell you what you want to hear (that you should do it)... so I'll just leave you with this video:

 

[oimate]

First impression when I read this was-What exactly are you bringing to the party? She is seemingly bringing the brains,the details and will have to learn everything i.e

"I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
-She could learn how to do for example ads on websites and create traffic. Build beautiful website. Help with processing orders, delivering orders. Customer service."

So basically you lie back on the couch in her apartment in London and think of some 'marketing strategy' or 'business model'-Then you summon this girl and tell her to get to work (like a good little girl) on the website, creating traffic as well as processing and delivering orders and make things happen etc?

Soooo Yeahhhh- If shes as smart as you say, I'm thinking it wont take her long to figure out thats shes getting a raw deal.

In addition, London isnt cheap (I know from experince of living there) so whats the plan?

Land in London and move in with this " girl that I really like" but have only really 'dated several times", start a business that day and live happily ever after?

Not trying to break your balls here (and I hope it works out) but it all seems rather too simplistic and idealistic.

You're both most likely going to have to work and do this business (if she agrees) in the evenings.

Would a better plan not have been to be a hell of alot more proactive and started the business yourself, speak to her on skype everyday and get things movng on the website etc and just see how 'into' the business she is before upping sticks and going full on 110% intense by moving and starting a business together before you have even confirmed that you can make it work on a personal relationship sense?

 

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[MattR82]

Yep work on as much of it as you can yourself and ask her for advice.

I know zero about computers but my partner is a programmer that does websites for spare cash on the side and I would be very careful about how you are approaching this. No problem with advice and teaching etc though. But is does sound like you may (only a little and unintentionally) be taking advantage of her.

However.. a lot can be said for having an idea or concept and drive to create something. She is a great programmer but has never even thought of the idea of entrepreneurship. I would prefer to see her discover this side of what she can be for her own sake rather than take advantage of what she could do for me.

 

[Supa]

That sounds like getting a tattoo of the name of a girl you date for 2 weeks...

Why don't you spend some time with her before doing such a big step?

 

[ThinkDifferent]

First impression when I read this was-What exactly are you bringing to the party? She is seemingly bringing the brains,the details and will have to learn everything i.e

"I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
-She could learn how to do for example ads on websites and create traffic. Build beautiful website. Help with processing orders, delivering orders. Customer service."

So basically you lie back on the couch in her apartment in London and think of some 'marketing strategy' or 'business model'-Then you summon this girl and tell her to get to work (like a good little girl) on the website, creating traffic as well as processing and delivering orders and make things happen etc?

Soooo Yeahhhh- If shes as smart as you say, I'm thinking it wont take her long to figure out thats shes getting a raw deal.

In addition, London isnt cheap (I know from experince of living there) so whats the plan?

Land in London and move in with this " girl that I really like" but have only really 'dated several times", start a business that day and live happily ever after?

Not trying to break your balls here (and I hope it works out) but it all seems rather too simplistic and idealistic.

You're both most likely going to have to work and do this business (if she agrees) in the evenings.

Would a better plan not have been to be a hell of alot more proactive and started the business yourself, speak to her on skype everyday and get things movng on the website etc and just see how 'into' the business she is before upping sticks and going full on 110% intense by moving and starting a business together before you have even confirmed that you can make it work on a personal relationship sense?

It depends on the business but I will be spending most time on it, prolly 12 hours a day. Setting everything up, the ideas, as well as standard marketing, sales. So I would be doing more.

Yes London is FFFF expensive, I calculated that id spend around 1700euro a month. That is only for a private room in zone 2, food (Im pretty good at pricehunting), transport(abnormal high) and extra expenses such as activities and dinners.

Yes that is maybe a great idea.
Honestly Im not worried about the personal relationship part, we already dated for several months in the past and our personalities are really a good match. But yes, expecting that everything will go right is not smart.

An other option could be that I own 100%, do everything and after a while when I know which direction to go I could pay her to make a website, and if she creates traffic we could divide the profit from the traffic she creates. This way there is less pressure.

In the long run I would want a partner with organisational skills for sure anyway. Even tho Id give up half, the company will be stabler and the company would be better organised in terms of checking payments and paperwork. In the past I lost so much money and time because of my weak detail skills.

Bad idea.

London is a great city, so sure, move there. Lots of opportunities and great people to get to know.

The girl also sounds like a good catch, so sure, date her.

But I would skip the partnering in business part. Thats a recipe for desaster IMO.

Thanks for the advice, could elaborate more?

Also, I didnt know that prenups didnt stand up in court, I thought they mostly do. Anyway, Im very careful with who I date. My ex gfs are very good people who would never go out to hurt someone, there is no bad blood between us and im close friends with the last one.

 

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[Bila]

Go ahead....better to make a big fat mistake at 25 than at 45.

 

[BellaPippin]

Hey guys,

In February Im going to live in London because there is a girl that I really like. We dated several times in the past and had an excellent connection but werent able to do anything because of responsibilities (university in different countries). Anyway to come to the point:

I have the idea to start an online business together with her because of the following points:

1. I can trust her! very important. In the past I had a customer send her a large payment, no problem. I almost trust nobody but Im sure she would never steal or do something bad. Very sophisticated and good family. We can also talk very well.

2. She has skills that I dont have. She studied computer science and likes to learn, we could use that for advertisement. More importantly she is good with details. I am HORRIBLE at that, that alone will save me LOTS of money in missed/wrong payments.

3. She is extremely smart. How hard it is to believe she is even smarter than me , but honestly I do think she actually is smarter than me.

4. She is based in London so in terms of setting up legal company it could be easier if its through her. I havent researched it yet.

I thought about the following construction:

-I could do the business model, marketing strategy, products etc. Big picture thinking. Customer service.
-She could learn how to do for example ads on websites and create traffic. Build beautiful website. Help with processing orders, delivering orders. Customer service.

Anyone experience with this?

Any advice would be greatly helpful. I will likely decide on this within a week or two.

I'm gonna add my two cents just because I feel a bit like you in that I dated (and married, and moved in with) someone from another country. I describe myself as a risk-averse person but truth be told (my best friends tell me all the time) I have taken some risks that not all people would take:

-I signed up for an exchange program to live in some host-family's house for two years, in a new country miiiiiiles away from home.
-Kept a one year long distance relationship with the person I met in Chicago when I had to come home.
-Decided I would drop out of school to come back to America to give the relationship a try for six months.
-Took a leap of faith and got married on month seven (well, i mean...we had been dating for 2 and a half years)
-Year 4: Miss my family like crazy but we're making it work and we love each other.

Now don't get me wrong, this was/is no fairy tale. To make it short cause this isn't about me, each of these risks and their worst-case scenario were carefully calculated. I did follow my gut, but not blindly. I set conditions for everything and how it would happen.

In this same way and applying it to your situation I can tell you do trust her, and that's great. Just exercise precaution to cover your butt on top of that. It's free and it won't cost you and if you don't need it well, even better. I would move there and focus on the relationship first, which is the most important thing right? Start working on the venture on your own if you can. Tell her about it like it's just yours and see what kind of contributions she makes. Keep working on it. When you feel truly, really confident this person would be a good business partner (and still would have stuff on writing, there are a lot of horror stories around the forum for you to read) then I would know to invite her to join.

Don't be afraid of someone just because of the distance, just calculate the risks. Be prepared, have a plan B. Then take the leap.

 

[ThinkDifferent]

I'm gonna add my two cents just because I feel a bit like you in that I dated (and married, and moved in with) someone from another country. I describe myself as a risk-averse person but truth be told (my best friends tell me all the time) I have taken some risks that not all people would take:

-I signed up for an exchange program to live in some host-family's house for two years, in a new country miiiiiiles away from home.
-Kept a one year long distance relationship with the person I met in Chicago when I had to come home.
-Decided I would drop out of school to come back to America to give the relationship a try for six months.
-Took a leap of faith and got married on month seven (well, i mean...we had been dating for 2 and a half years)
-Year 4: Miss my family like crazy but we're making it work and we love each other.

Now don't get me wrong, this was/is no fairy tale. To make it short cause this isn't about me, each of these risks and their worst-case scenario were carefully calculated. I did follow my gut, but not blindly. I set conditions for everything and how it would happen.

In this same way and applying it to your situation I can tell you do trust her, and that's great. Just exercise precaution to cover your butt on top of that. It's free and it won't cost you and if you don't need it well, even better. I would move there and focus on the relationship first, which is the most important thing right? Start working on the venture on your own if you can. Tell her about it like it's just yours and see what kind of contributions she makes. Keep working on it. When you feel truly, really confident this person would be a good business partner (and still would have stuff on writing, there are a lot of horror stories around the forum for you to read) then I would know to invite her to join.

Don't be afraid of someone just because of the distance, just calculate the risks. Be prepared, have a plan B. Then take the leap.

Beautiful! Nice to read.

Its not my first relationship and we can connect extraordinarily well.

I just wish the best for her even without me. I never had that non selfish way of thinking with any other girl.

Thanks guys for the advice. Seems its better for me to work on it by myself for awhile while discussing it with her. So she has time to learn things in her free time and we can think better on how such a construction would play out.




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[oldkevx]

I wouldn't recommend it. If the relationship sours, the business is toast. Been there before and it is not fun/pretty.


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[ThinkDifferent]

thanks everyone

We spoke about it and decided it would be better if I work on it myself, she can help and then get paid for the stuff she does so there is less pressure.



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