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Parents, please post your responsibility ideas

andyhaus44

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Hello Fastlane Parents,

According to Brian Tracy, giving your children high levels of responsibility tends to lead to high levels self esteem, and giving children low levels of responsibility tends to lead to low levels of self esteem.

Coming from an age-appropriate standpoint, what are some of the things you allow your toddler to be responsible for?
 

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GPM

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Gun safety is super important. I was shooting a bit of 22 at around the 8 year mark at my uncles. Learned to be super safe at that time.

It blows my mind that children find their parents firearms in shoeboxes and then proceed to think that they are toys. That should NEVER happen
 

Mattie

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Hello Fastlane Parents,

According to Brian Tracy, giving your children high levels of responsibility tends to lead to high levels self esteem, and giving children low levels of responsibility tends to lead to low levels of self esteem.

Coming from an age-appropriate standpoint, what are some of the things you allow your toddler to be responsible for?
I think this depends on the definition of "Responsibility." When my child was a toddler, they just followed me around doing chores, thought it was fun, and there own set of cleaning supplies for their age, which were toys. I believe every toddler is different.

I would say as long it's not harmful to them physically, emotionally, mentally, there's nothing wrong with them following you around. This may be with baking, cleaning, or doing yard work. I don't believe you really have to tell them about responsibility, since they're so young, they don't understand the concept. They are usually mirroring your behavior. "Monkey See, Monkey Do. If you're washing a car for example, they usually have their own sponge, and think they're doing a great job helping you out.

I don't think they really understand until around five years old and older. This is usually when you have to start telling them to clean up, or make a chart for them of chores, and teach them as they grow.

It's more important to understand they dynamics of human development stages. As when I was a young mother there was information out there about their developmental stages, and what was to be expected, what was normal and abnormal in their growth.

I never allowed my child to play with toy guns, because that was my fear when they were over someone else's house would mistake a real gun for a toy gun.
 

YoungPadawan

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I'm not a parent, but if I were, something important I would do is NOT give them an allowance. Let them earn their money.

Teach them the value of a dollar. A big thing would be teach them to be creative to generate money, and make it fun for them - like teach them how to sell gum to their classmates. Or teach them to start little ventures, like cleaning pools, lawn mowing, or pressure washing. Teach them how to delay gratification.

I know, personally, that when I see a kid on the streetside selling lemonade, I buy from them and give them encouragement. Kids/people need to be more entrepreneurial.
 

amp0193

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Love this thread. @andyhaus44 you should follow letgrow.org

Basically... be the opposite of a helicopter parent.

Like... let your kid play outside by themselves (they won't get kidnapped). But only in the front yard when they 100% understand that cars = death.

Let your kids play by themselves... in general. No need to overschedule their free time with STEM activities and extracurriculars every day of the week. Independent play is learning.

Be super patient and let them try to do new things by themselves. Resist the urge to just put their shoe on, and watch them struggle for as long as they want to sit there and struggle.

As soon as they know how to do something, almost never do it for them again. My toddler can get a cup from the counter and get water from the fridge. 3 out of 4 times he sprays himself in the face. But he's done it before, so I usually won't do it for him now.

He can drink without a sippy lid, so now I don't give him sippy lids. Sometimes he makes the choice to run with his cup, or dump it on the floor on purpose. In these cases I take the cup away. Showing him the boundaries that are attached to this lidless freedom.

My 4 year old is tall enough to reach anything in the kitchen, using a step stool. So I make her get whatever she wants, even if it's on top of the fridge or top of the pantry.

Let them ride a bike. Let them ride their bike by themselves on the street. Let them ride to school. Let them ride to the store and buy something.

Basically, allow them the chance to be responsible for themselves.
 

amp0193

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It blows my mind that children find their parents firearms in shoeboxes and then proceed to think that they are toys. That should NEVER happen
Same could be said for sex ed.

If you never talk candidly about it... they will eventually make life-altering choices one way or the other... only you chose to not have any input into the matter.

I tend to talk candidly to my kids in regards to just about everything. I explained divorce to my 3 year old yesterday. Then we talked about war and poverty. Today child abuse came up. When we kept chickens, that provided lots of opportunities to talk about death.

They won't grasp the full realities of the concepts. But I'm extending trust to them that they are big enough to discuss these things. I'm allowing them to slowly construct a realistic framework for what the world is. Not a sugar coated one. I don't shy away from difficult questions, and I admit when I don't know something.
 

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Good call on the child abuse (and sexual abuse). I know too many people who were sexually and/or physically abused as children. I am going to teach my girl as soon as I can about not letting people touch her or making her touch them. It is absolutely heart breaking the shit that happens in the world, and I believe with all my heart that the more we can educate the planet the better off we will be.

You can't just hide and pretend these things don't happen. I love hearing about your parenting @amp0193 you are a huge inspiration.
 

Tommo

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I taught my 5 year old daughter to use a kitchen knife safely and she would slice up my onions for my Chilli con carne. I allowed her to watch Criminal Minds at 12 years of age and now she has just graduated, having studied forensics thanks to her loving that show.
She has grown into an awesome person but I am biased.
 

amp0193

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I am going to teach my girl as soon as I can about not letting people touch her or making her touch them.
Going along with that, you teach them that their body belongs to them.

If my toddler doesn't want a hug, I don't force it. My daughter was ok with me throwing her on the couch 7 times, but the 8th time wants me to stop... ok I can respect that.

You can't just hide and pretend these things don't happen.
If they know what it is, maybe they'll recognize when it (god forbid) happens to them, and tell someone.


I love hearing about your parenting @amp0193 you are a huge inspiration.
Thanks man, happy to share. I recommend reading anything you can find on dutch/danish/german parenting. Those cultures are big on developing independence and social skills. I've learned a lot from that, and from seeing it in practice.
 

amp0193

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I taught my 5 year old daughter to use a kitchen knife safely and she would slice up my onions for my Chilli con carne. I allowed her to watch Criminal Minds at 12 years of age and now she has just graduated, having studied forensics thanks to her loving that show.
She has grown into an awesome person but I am biased.
You sound like a great dad!

In German pre-schools, kids are taught to use real knives and how to play with fire. So I read in a book.

My 3 year old can make her own scrambled eggs on the gas range.

Teaching independence means practicing parental restraint. It's scary when there's danger involved, but risk is part of learning!
 

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Davejemmolly

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We treated our kids like little adults from as soon as they could string a sentence together.

My boy is now 10 and cooks better than I can!

My wife is awesome, and she's done a great job, but I still teach them the important stuff,... like how the Ultimate Warrior was heaps cooler than Hulk Hogan!

Also, I get to relate all my great founder / start up stories that my wife is sick of hearing. As a result, he asks for weekly updates on how our business development is coming along, whether we're any closer to launch, and how the meeting with the lawyers etc went..
 
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andyhaus44

andyhaus44

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amp0193, I love your parenting style, and I admire you. Any specific dutch/danish/german parenting books you can recommend?

I recommend reading anything you can find on dutch/danish/german parenting. Those cultures are big on developing independence and social skills. I've learned a lot from that, and from seeing it in practice.[/QUOTE]
 

amp0193

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amp0193, I love your parenting style, and I admire you. Any specific dutch/danish/german parenting books you can recommend?
I read these this year:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06Y1874D9/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01BD1SSCG/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XSHLNBW/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20


Found this when looking those up, looks good as well, I'll give it a read soon:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06ZYQZHBC/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
 

WJK

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My dad showed me how to use a gun when I was like 7. I was probably the only kid I knew who could handle a gun and not put everyone else and their self in danger.
I grew up a rural area. When I was around that age, I used to take my younger brother hunting. We were very independent kids who were fine out on our own. I had my own rifle and many times my brother and I brought home dinner.
 

Ninjakid

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I grew up a rural area. When I was around that age, I used to take my younger brother hunting. We were very independent kids who were fine out on our own. I had my own rifle and many times my brother and I brought home dinner.
Yeah I feel you. I'm a city kid, but my dad and half my family are farmers from northern Canada, so I grew up as kind of a hybrid lol. Rural kids who grew up like you get a lot more life experience at a younger age.
 
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andyhaus44

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MTEE1985

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Love this thread. @andyhaus44 you should follow letgrow.org

Basically... be the opposite of a helicopter parent.

Like... let your kid play outside by themselves (they won't get kidnapped). But only in the front yard when they 100% understand that cars = death.

Let your kids play by themselves... in general. No need to overschedule their free time with STEM activities and extracurriculars every day of the week. Independent play is learning.

Be super patient and let them try to do new things by themselves. Resist the urge to just put their shoe on, and watch them struggle for as long as they want to sit there and struggle.

As soon as they know how to do something, almost never do it for them again. My toddler can get a cup from the counter and get water from the fridge. 3 out of 4 times he sprays himself in the face. But he's done it before, so I usually won't do it for him now.

He can drink without a sippy lid, so now I don't give him sippy lids. Sometimes he makes the choice to run with his cup, or dump it on the floor on purpose. In these cases I take the cup away. Showing him the boundaries that are attached to this lidless freedom.

My 4 year old is tall enough to reach anything in the kitchen, using a step stool. So I make her get whatever she wants, even if it's on top of the fridge or top of the pantry.

Let them ride a bike. Let them ride their bike by themselves on the street. Let them ride to school. Let them ride to the store and buy something.

Basically, allow them the chance to be responsible for themselves.
I’d love to add here but I’d be plagiarizing this.

My son is almost 4, his responsibility is everything he can reasonably be responsible for. He gets frustrated, he gets hurt, he cries, but he survives.

I would add to just let kids be kids. I read a WSJ article a couple days ago about parents spending thousands of dollars on test prep for 4 year olds. To me that is just insanity.

Also, let them figure out their own problems. My son was playing with a ball in his karate class last week and a 6 year old tried to take it away, after some arguing my son finally hit him and made him cry. I don’t advocate him being violent but I do 100% advocate letting kids handle it themselves. Oh, and that kid leaves him alone now.
 
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WJK

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I’d love to add here but I’d be plagiarizing this.

My son is almost 4, his responsibility is everything he can reasonably be responsible for. He gets frustrated, he gets hurt, he cries, but he survives.

I would add to just let kids be kids. I read a WSJ article a couple days ago about parents spending thousands of dollars on test prep for 4 year olds. To me that is just insanity.

Also, let them figure out their own problems. My son was playing with a ball in his karate class last week and a 6 year old tried to take it away, after some arguing my son finally hit him and made him cry. I don’t advocate him being violent but I do 100% advocate letting kids handle it themselves. Oh, and that kid leaves him alone now.
I agree. Kids organize themselves. They, like water, find their level. They need to have their freedom to try, succeed and fail.
 

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teach them to contribute to the family .... chores, cooking, cleaning
then teach them to create value to earn money ......

don't pay them to clean their room. that is a duty to their family to help out. always be there for your family!

pay them when they take a special project to redo the laundry room where it is more efficient for the family to do laundry (something they could think through / do at a younger age).
help them start small businesses to create value for others to earn money..... buy sell, cut grass, pick up sticks

then make them spend a portion of their money. too many teach kids to 'save!save!save' ...... no, no, no
teach them to spend their money effectively (budget) and to use their money to create more (invest)
 

Shepherd

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I once heard a psychology professor say she considered self-efficacy much more important than self-esteem as a focus when raising children. Having two young adults myself, I have to say I have a hard time arguing with that perspective.
 
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amp0193

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n was playing with a ball in his karate class last week and a 6 year old tried to take it away, after some arguing my son finally hit him and made him cry. I don’t advocate him being violent but I do 100% advocate letting kids handle it themselves. Oh, and that kid leaves him alone now.
Thanks for bringing this up!

The helicopter moms ruin the playground. The most minor of disagreements occurs, and in they flock to separate the kids and sort it out for them. Unfortunately, it takes two parents to stand back and make the choice to let them handle it. I have yet to come across one scenario where someone didn't intervene.

Siblings are good for this though. It's been fun watching my toddler become old enough to fight back. She's been taking his toys for the last year. Now it's his turn.


My approach is to let a situation get messy, and then do a "de-brief" afterwards when the dust has settled. Help them learn from it.
 
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amp0193

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I once heard a psychology professor say she considered self-efficacy much more important than self-esteem as a focus when raising children. Having two young adults myself, I have to say I have a hard time arguing with that perspective.
Self-efficacy ultimately leads to self-esteem. Makes sense!
 

amp0193

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pick up sticks
Our neighborhood has a lot of mature trees. The sticks are crazy!

I'm gonna see if my daughter is up for this.

I would 100% pay for a kid to come and pick up the sticks in my backyard.
 

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