Pain of regrets and limiting beliefs

[OVOvince]

I'm 25 years old, and financially speaking I am finally ahead of peers my age. Still nowhere where I want to be.

It's been an unhealthy, intensely lonely road, mostly my fault. I learned how to socialize a lot later in life but I was also immature for the most part. I don't regret cutting off most of the people I did, but the very small amount of people I do regret cutting off, giving me haunting pains.

I have major trust issues and can't really make friends or any deep connections with anyone.
I have learned to do meditation, visualization, use NLP, and at times these tools and techniques have given me a great surge and bolt of energy and focus that last for months and months, but when the past seeps into my mind, it's hard to be consistent with my mindset.

My question is, for those people who's lives started around my age, how do you deal with regrets of missing out on your youth?

I've gone from blaming everyone around me, to blaming myself to make change happen, but sometimes I really hate myself for being so retarded and weak when I was younger.

 

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[Lafandriel]

puh ... that happens from time to time but it is important that you make a decision for yourself... I think in the end that is the most important thing.
Of course not everyone around us will like the change and the decisions we make and that hurts very much but I also feel that by continuing to go the way you will meet people who might understand you and with whom you will be able to bond.

do you regret the change?

 

[Scot]

I can definitely relate to what you posted. I am 28, I have done pretty well for myself in the slow lane, but at the expense of my youth. I graduated college at age 20 through hard work, but didn't enjoy school or party. It wasn't until o joined the Marine Corps that I got that out of my system.

I look back occasionally and wish I'd done things differently. But you have to realize, were still in our 20's and there is so much life ahead of us.

Don't regret not having fun or making friends while younger. Focus on building a life for yourself and a fastlane so that you can do whatever you want while you're still young.

My goal is to be financially independent by age 35. There's still plenty of youth left to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

 

[GMSI7D]

I'm 25 years old, and financially speaking I am finally ahead of peers my age. Still nowhere where I want to be.

It's been an unhealthy, intensely lonely road, mostly my fault. I learned how to socialize a lot later in life but I was also immature for the most part. I don't regret cutting off most of the people I did, but the very small amount of people I do regret cutting off, giving me haunting pains.

I have major trust issues and can't really make friends or any deep connections with anyone.
I have learned to do meditation, visualization, use NLP, and at times these tools and techniques have given me a great surge and bolt of energy and focus that last for months and months, but when the past seeps into my mind, it's hard to be consistent with my mindset.

My question is, for those people who's lives started around my age, how do you deal with regrets of missing out on your youth?

I've gone from blaming everyone around me, to blaming myself to make change happen, but sometimes I really hate myself for being so retarded and weak when I was younger.

i a m 40 and i am starting living...


you have 15 years of youth ahead that i will never have until you reach 40 and mid life.

the solution : evolution


this is called polarity in esoteric teaching

weak<----------> strong

yin<--------------> yang

cold <--------------> hot

dark<----------------> light

and so on

all theses things are the same things at different level

strenght is already waiting in you to be unleashed

the tree is already in the seed waiting to be released

same thing with you

you are here . -------------------> and evolution leads you here .

 

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[OVOvince]

do you regret the change?

No I don't, I should start enjoying it more.

I can definitely relate to what you posted. I am 28, I have done pretty well for myself in the slow lane, but at the expense of my youth. I graduated college at age 20 through hard work, but didn't enjoy school or party. It wasn't until o joined the Marine Corps that I got that out of my system.

I look back occasionally and wish I'd done things differently. But you have to realize, were still in our 20's and there is so much life ahead of us.

Don't regret not having fun or making friends while younger. Focus on building a life for yourself and a fastlane so that you can do whatever you want while you're still young.

My goal is to be financially independent by age 35. There's still plenty of youth left to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Everyone says this, and I believe it,I just have to figure out how to burn this to my brain lol.

i a m 40 and i am starting living...


you have 15 years of youth ahead that i will never have until you reach 40 and mid life.

the solution : evolution


this is called polarity in esoteric teaching

weak<----------> strong

yin<--------------> yang

cold <--------------> hot

dark<----------------> light

and so on

all theses things are the same things at different level

strenght is already waiting in you to be unleashed

the tree is already in the seed waiting to be released

same thing with you

you are here . -------------------> and evolution leads you here .

At first I was confused, but I think I get it. Right now I am being weak and letting the past get to me. Time to grow up and make the most of the rest of my life. Did I get it?

 

[Joe Cassandra]

In 10-15 years, you won't care.

I grew up in a family of 11 kids in GA. I went to high school two hours away (with traffic ---left at 5:30a), played sports, so I wouldn't get home until 7-8p. Chatted on AIM with friends until 12a, repeat. After high school I spent a year in Ireland volunteering, then jetted off to college out of state. Moved to Texas and started a family.

For pretty much 13 years, I lost touch with all my family (except my mom, but that's still debatable). My siblings all stayed close to each other and became 'best friends' as many siblings do.

I was the weirdo black sheep straying outside the herd.

Many of my high school friends I grew up with all through middle school then high school. Most stayed in GA and some remained close friends (groomsmen at weddings, etc.)

After high school, many close friends I didn't see (or talk) to again for another 10 years...Keeping in contact with 'close friends' has always been a crutch for me. (What if they don't want to talk to me? Will it be awkward? I don't want to interrupt their day..)

It wasn't until the last 6 months when I started rebuilding this part of my life. Talking to my siblings. Met a few old high school friends for a couple events.

What I found: The past wipes away. It's just a stepping stone to where you are. At some point, you'll jump to a next point. If there's an emptiness...explore it.

I lived in Texas with my wife and kid. We made the decision to move back to GA to rekindle my relationship with my family. Part of the "renewal" was awkward, But, most of it filled in the gaps from when I wasn't there.

The past gets forgotten.

And, I start again. (I'm 29).

 

[sparechange]

i went hiking with a self made billionaire today, i am in the same position as you and 25 aswell, so what we screwed up, we are idiots and acknowledge it, the positive thing is that we learned from it.

he mentioned thinking of the past, our past creates our future. there is logically no sense in dwelling in the past. its done and gone, the most important thing is to be present in the moment. he brought this up aswell, i recomned you visualize this...go somewhere quiet and close your eyes and envision it clearly.

you are 90 years old, and a doctor tells you that youve got about 1 month to live. what are your thoughts? think about this clearly, and strongly envision it. your whole mindset at 90 with cancer will be to enjoy your life to its fullest, you will not give one ***** about the past. its completely gone, you will be focusing on the present time, with 1 month left to live what will you do?

perhaps goto a restaurant, thoroughly enjoy your food, go somewhere with a view and gaze at the sights, maybe get in a high speed pursuit with the police whatever tickles your fancy!

i think the point is clear, be present in your life and enjoy your time. also the pursuit of happiness is a true failure. the last bit is a bit of a conundrum for myself perhaps you aswell, but it does make sense if you think about it

 

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[V8Bill]

Don't worry about missing out on anything because if you think about it enough you'll realise that you're missing out on millions of things every day - how much time should we spend worrying about what we're not doing, getting or have right now? Unless your life depends on you looking young your age is largely irrelevant once you enter adulthood. You will feel young forever. I've spoken to 80 year olds who told me they still feel young in their mind. I'm 52 and I still do things that I liked doing when I was a younger idiot. Now I'm an older idiot - same same. I can count my real friends on one middle finger and besides, friends are over rated, acquaintances will treat you better and if they don't, just count them on the same middle finger.

As for your trust issues, you know what they say "trust everyone but always brand your cattle". Be nice to people, be kind and polite and helpful. If they do bad by you it's on them. I used to work with an old Italian man. In his broken English he once told me "Bill, you want to know how to tell a good guy from an arsehole?" Of course I said yes because that would be a very handy skill. He said "You can't" (at least that's what I think he said)..."the arsehole will show themselves soon or later".*

My advice is to ignore the #yolo tag because life is really really long. Worrying about these sorts of things is a waste of your day and in the end; today is the only thing you really have - do you really want to spend most of your hours worrying about things that aren't worth worrying about? No. Enjoy each day as much as you can and as long as you're making progress on the things you want to make progress on that's the only thing you can really do. If you have no direction just try to do something exciting, satisfying or fascinating each day and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

* Yes, we who speak the Queen's English say arse not a$$. Same thing.

 

[Hai]

I don´t really buy into the "have fun and party hard at young age". It´s kind of a social hyperreality. It´s not fun to me and I don´t enjoy hanging around with groups of people or going to bars. Maybe at an older age. But right now, the focus is on securing the future and having fun executing on business.

If you have fun doing things, you would do it anyway.

I´m personally looking to switch focus on "the other things of life" once I reached the preferred money system target.

 

[jsk29]

I'm 25 years old, and financially speaking I am finally ahead of peers my age. Still nowhere where I want to be.

It's been an unhealthy, intensely lonely road, mostly my fault. I learned how to socialize a lot later in life but I was also immature for the most part. I don't regret cutting off most of the people I did, but the very small amount of people I do regret cutting off, giving me haunting pains.

I have major trust issues and can't really make friends or any deep connections with anyone.
I have learned to do meditation, visualization, use NLP, and at times these tools and techniques have given me a great surge and bolt of energy and focus that last for months and months, but when the past seeps into my mind, it's hard to be consistent with my mindset.

My question is, for those people who's lives started around my age, how do you deal with regrets of missing out on your youth?

I've gone from blaming everyone around me, to blaming myself to make change happen, but sometimes I really hate myself for being so retarded and weak when I was younger.

You've accomplished some of your objectives, but it seems you haven't allowed yourself to enjoy those small victories along the way.

In our modern society, it's a hard "concept" to understand, but there really is no time but the present.

Reality is NOW. NOW. NOW. A series of ever flowing nows.

If you constantly live in your head - wallowing in painful pasts or ideal futures - you may completely lose touch with how to be present.

Also, many of my "negative" judgments I've cast on others have been externalizations of traits and aspects of myself that I've disliked and tried to dis-identify from.

Don't be too hard on yourself!

 

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[OVOvince]

In 10-15 years, you won't care.

I grew up in a family of 11 kids in GA. I went to high school two hours away (with traffic ---left at 5:30a), played sports, so I wouldn't get home until 7-8p. Chatted on AIM with friends until 12a, repeat. After high school I spent a year in Ireland volunteering, then jetted off to college out of state. Moved to Texas and started a family.

For pretty much 13 years, I lost touch with all my family (except my mom, but that's still debatable). My siblings all stayed close to each other and became 'best friends' as many siblings do.

I was the weirdo black sheep straying outside the herd.

Many of my high school friends I grew up with all through middle school then high school. Most stayed in GA and some remained close friends (groomsmen at weddings, etc.)

After high school, many close friends I didn't see (or talk) to again for another 10 years...Keeping in contact with 'close friends' has always been a crutch for me. (What if they don't want to talk to me? Will it be awkward? I don't want to interrupt their day..)

It wasn't until the last 6 months when I started rebuilding this part of my life. Talking to my siblings. Met a few old high school friends for a couple events.

What I found: The past wipes away. It's just a stepping stone to where you are. At some point, you'll jump to a next point. If there's an emptiness...explore it.

I lived in Texas with my wife and kid. We made the decision to move back to GA to rekindle my relationship with my family. Part of the "renewal" was awkward, But, most of it filled in the gaps from when I wasn't there.

The past gets forgotten.

And, I start again. (I'm 29).

i went hiking with a self made billionaire today, i am in the same position as you and 25 aswell, so what we screwed up, we are idiots and acknowledge it, the positive thing is that we learned from it.

he mentioned thinking of the past, our past creates our future. there is logically no sense in dwelling in the past. its done and gone, the most important thing is to be present in the moment. he brought this up aswell, i recomned you visualize this...go somewhere quiet and close your eyes and envision it clearly.

you are 90 years old, and a doctor tells you that youve got about 1 month to live. what are your thoughts? think about this clearly, and strongly envision it. your whole mindset at 90 with cancer will be to enjoy your life to its fullest, you will not give one ***** about the past. its completely gone, you will be focusing on the present time, with 1 month left to live what will you do?

perhaps goto a restaurant, thoroughly enjoy your food, go somewhere with a view and gaze at the sights, maybe get in a high speed pursuit with the police whatever tickles your fancy!

i think the point is clear, be present in your life and enjoy your time. also the pursuit of happiness is a true failure. the last bit is a bit of a conundrum for myself perhaps you aswell, but it does make sense if you think about it

Don't worry about missing out on anything because if you think about it enough you'll realise that you're missing out on millions of things every day - how much time should we spend worrying about what we're not doing, getting or have right now? Unless your life depends on you looking young your age is largely irrelevant once you enter adulthood. You will feel young forever. I've spoken to 80 year olds who told me they still feel young in their mind. I'm 52 and I still do things that I liked doing when I was a younger idiot. Now I'm an older idiot - same same. I can count my real friends on one middle finger and besides, friends are over rated, acquaintances will treat you better and if they don't, just count them on the same middle finger.

As for your trust issues, you know what they say "trust everyone but always brand your cattle". Be nice to people, be kind and polite and helpful. If they do bad by you it's on them. I used to work with an old Italian man. In his broken English he once told me "Bill, you want to know how to tell a good guy from an arsehole?" Of course I said yes because that would be a very handy skill. He said "You can't" (at least that's what I think he said)..."the arsehole will show themselves soon or later".*

My advice is to ignore the #yolo tag because life is really really long. Worrying about these sorts of things is a waste of your day and in the end; today is the only thing you really have - do you really want to spend most of your hours worrying about things that aren't worth worrying about? No. Enjoy each day as much as you can and as long as you're making progress on the things you want to make progress on that's the only thing you can really do. If you have no direction just try to do something exciting, satisfying or fascinating each day and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

* Yes, we who speak the Queen's English say arse not a$$. Same thing.

thank you guys, i suppose i just needed a refresher on this perspective.

I don´t really buy into the "have fun and party hard at young age". It´s kind of a social hyperreality. It´s not fun to me and I don´t enjoy hanging around with groups of people or going to bars. Maybe at an older age. But right now, the focus is on securing the future and having fun executing on business.

If you have fun doing things, you would do it anyway.

I´m personally looking to switch focus on "the other things of life" once I reached the preferred money system target.

im not into drinking or partying either, doesn't mean i don't feel like i missed out on other things

You've accomplished some of your objectives, but it seems you haven't allowed yourself to enjoy those small victories along the way.

In our modern society, it's a hard "concept" to understand, but there really is no time but the present.

Reality is NOW. NOW. NOW. A series of ever flowing nows.

If you constantly live in your head - wallowing in painful pasts or ideal futures - you may completely lose touch with how to be present.

Also, many of my "negative" judgments I've cast on others have been externalizations of traits and aspects of myself that I've disliked and tried to dis-identify from.

Don't be too hard on yourself!

so the overwhelming answer is to be more mindful in the present moment. something i guess i knew yet wanted to hear from strangers on the internet.

im gonna stop bitching now lol

thanks guys