Overcoming Fear and Lethargy

[Devampre]

How do you personally deal with or overcome feelings of fear and/or lethargy?

As of late, I have been falling short of my desired potential and haven't been acting/grinding as my higher self would prefer. Through self reflection and introspecting I believe at the root it is fear and lethargy that is the cause of my shortcomings.

Is it simply a muscle one needs to just improve over time? Is there a quote that makes you spring to action? Any insight or tips is greatly appreciated.

 

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[DeskWarrior]

How do you personally deal with or overcome feelings of fear and/or lethargy?

As of late, I have been falling short of my desired potential and haven't been acting/grinding as my higher self would prefer. Through self reflection and introspecting I believe at the root it is fear and lethargy that is the cause of my shortcomings.

Is it simply a muscle one needs to just improve over time? Is there a quote that makes you spring to action? Any insight or tips is greatly appreciated.

I struggle with fear as well. I’ve been reading Awaken the Giant Within, and I think it‘s helpful in this area. Here are some quotes:

• “The key thing to remember is that we don't necessarily move away from real pain; we move away from what we believe will lead to pain whether it really does or not.” (p.74)
• “The most effective way to change is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”
• “Exercise for Getting Yourself to do Things you've been putting off:
  1. Write down four actions that you need to take that you've been putting off.
  2. Why haven't you taken action on those things? In the past, what pain have you linked to taking that action?
  3. What pleasure have you experienced by indulging in this negative pattern?
  4. Write down what it will cost you if you don't change now. How does that make you feel?
  5. Write down all the pleasure you'll received by taking each of these actions right now. Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally.”

 

[Devampre]

I struggle with fear as well. I’ve been reading Awaken the Giant Within, and I think it‘s helpful in this area. Here are some quotes:

• “The key thing to remember is that we don't necessarily move away from real pain; we move away from what we believe will lead to pain whether it really does or not.” (p.74)
• “The most effective way to change is to get your brain to associate massive pain to the old belief. Then you must associate tremendous pleasure to the idea of adopting a new, empowering belief.”
• “Exercise for Getting Yourself to do Things you've been putting off:
  1. Write down four actions that you need to take that you've been putting off.
  2. Why haven't you taken action on those things? In the past, what pain have you linked to taking that action?
  3. What pleasure have you experienced by indulging in this negative pattern?
  4. Write down what it will cost you if you don't change now. How does that make you feel?
  5. Write down all the pleasure you'll received by taking each of these actions right now. Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally.”

Thanks for the quality reply. I enjoyed the exercise in that third bullet.

I decided to have the questions and my answers in a notepad document that I can read anytime I feel like I am delaying action due to fear or lethargy.

In theory I see how this could be effective. So I will try this out as I work through my next projects and tasks.

Cheers

 

[Black_Dragon43]

How do you personally deal with or overcome feelings of fear and/or lethargy?

Fear is overcome by having a plan, and then relaxing. When you relax, start breathing more deeply, and focus on feeling your body and being comfortable, your stress level naturally decreases, and your thinking becomes clearer. As a result, you're able to take better decisions, and fear doesn't get blown out of proportions or exaggerated. But if you try to THINK more about it, while in the grips of fear, that is a huge mistake. You'll only get more afraid and more paralyzed, because your mind is simply taken over at those points by the fear. You're not actually thinking, it's your fear that has taken over the computer in your head, and it's using it to fuel itself. You need to first relax, center yourself, be present with the situation, create a rational plan, and then follow-through.

Lethargy is a different beast. How rested you are will have a big impact. When I go to sleep very late, for example, I have trouble concentrating and focusing. Also much lower motivation. On those days, it tends to be damage-control really for me. So you want to get proper sleep and be rested - that's super important.

Second thing you can do is build a habit of being active. That could be going for a run every day, working out, whatever it is. But you need to start slowly, and make this into a habit. You want to be the kind of person who is naturally active, and taking action, not lazy and lethargic. These are habits that we create.

“Exercise for Getting Yourself to do Things you've been putting off:

1. Write down four actions that you need to take that you've been putting off.
2. Why haven't you taken action on those things? In the past, what pain have you linked to taking that action?
3. What pleasure have you experienced by indulging in this negative pattern?
4. Write down what it will cost you if you don't change now. How does that make you feel?
5. Write down all the pleasure you'll received by taking each of these actions right now. Make a huge list that will drive you emotionally.”

This is an interesting exercise, very similar to how you'd approach things with CBT. But ultimately, I think that what "kills" us are thousands of small decisions that we don't even think about - nor do we have time to think about. During the course of a day, there are thousands of small decisions that add up. Some that we have to make in a fraction of a second. You're not going to be able to pull out your worksheet and do an exercise for assessing the pain and benefit in each case. So in those small moments, you're acting based on your default pilot.

Now you can train your default pilot so that you unconsciously start making better decisions all the time, and that will, over time, make a GIANT difference in your life. I have found meditation to be helpful in this. Much more helpful than any CBT-kind of practice, that basically takes you through a judgement process, as above, and makes you assess benefits and drawbacks of taking the action. One trap you can fall into is that the drawbacks can be enlarged by your state in your mind, such that you're not able to assess them realistically. That can keep you stuck. It also consumes a lot of willpower if you do this repeatedly throughout the day, as I have found out.

 

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[SEBASTlAN]

This might be oversimplistic, but some caffeine goes a long way in my experience.

 

[Devampre]

Fear is overcome by having a plan, and then relaxing. When you relax, start breathing more deeply, and focus on feeling your body and being comfortable, your stress level naturally decreases, and your thinking becomes clearer. As a result, you're able to take better decisions, and fear doesn't get blown out of proportions or exaggerated. But if you try to THINK more about it, while in the grips of fear, that is a huge mistake. You'll only get more afraid and more paralyzed, because your mind is simply taken over at those points by the fear. You're not actually thinking, it's your fear that has taken over the computer in your head, and it's using it to fuel itself. You need to first relax, center yourself, be present with the situation, create a rational plan, and then follow-through.

Lethargy is a different beast. How rested you are will have a big impact. When I go to sleep very late, for example, I have trouble concentrating and focusing. Also much lower motivation. On those days, it tends to be damage-control really for me. So you want to get proper sleep and be rested - that's super important.

Second thing you can do is build a habit of being active. That could be going for a run every day, working out, whatever it is. But you need to start slowly, and make this into a habit. You want to be the kind of person who is naturally active, and taking action, not lazy and lethargic. These are habits that we create.


This is an interesting exercise, very similar to how you'd approach things with CBT. But ultimately, I think that what "kills" us are thousands of small decisions that we don't even think about - nor do we have time to think about. During the course of a day, there are thousands of small decisions that add up. Some that we have to make in a fraction of a second. You're not going to be able to pull out your worksheet and do an exercise for assessing the pain and benefit in each case. So in those small moments, you're acting based on your default pilot.

Now you can train your default pilot so that you unconsciously start making better decisions all the time, and that will, over time, make a GIANT difference in your life. I have found meditation to be helpful in this. Much more helpful than any CBT-kind of practice, that basically takes you through a judgement process, as above, and makes you assess benefits and drawbacks of taking the action. One trap you can fall into is that the drawbacks can be enlarged by your state in your mind, such that you're not able to assess them realistically. That can keep you stuck. It also consumes a lot of willpower if you do this repeatedly throughout the day, as I have found out.

Thanks for the reply. I feel that it may be more lethargy than fear in my current case. I've noticed that with smaller tasks I can execute promptly, but for some reason I've been struggling to follow through on projects that require a longer time commitment.

And logically I understand that a larger project is nothing more than a bunch of small steps put together. But, I still fail to follow through and fall into common pitfalls such as:

• Seeking comfort,
• Giving into or looking for distractions,
• Overthinking,
• Perfectionism

There is also a chance my sleep schedule, diet, environment or something else may be influencing this unwanted behavior.

This might be oversimplistic, but some caffeine goes a long way in my experience.

I'm no stranger to caffeine. Often having 1 to 3 cups a day or an energy drink. It certainly does have it's benefit.

 

[WJK]

How do you personally deal with or overcome feelings of fear and/or lethargy?

As of late, I have been falling short of my desired potential and haven't been acting/grinding as my higher self would prefer. Through self reflection and introspecting I believe at the root it is fear and lethargy that is the cause of my shortcomings.

Is it simply a muscle one needs to just improve over time? Is there a quote that makes you spring to action? Any insight or tips is greatly appreciated.

Feeling afraid is natural and normal. People who aren't afraid are fool-hardy and dangerous. Fear tells us to think and be careful. Here's the question to ask before you proceed, "What is the worst thing that can happen if I do ____?" If you can live with that outcome, you can affirm that decision. Being brave is stepping forward in spite of being afraid. Here's the poem that I have over my desk,

"To be brave is to behave
Bravely when your heart is faint
So you can be really brave
Only when ain't."
by Piet Hein

Here's some more food for thought. If you fail to make a decision, you ARE making a decision to let nature take its course. And you are still 100% responsible for any and all results. I don't know about you, but I'd rather decide, rather than waiting to see what happens in that gaping void.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Thanks for the reply. I feel that it may be more lethargy than fear in my current case. I've noticed that with smaller tasks I can execute promptly, but for some reason I've been struggling to follow through on projects that require a longer time commitment.

Ahh, I see! For this, I’d suggest that you set a simple ritual, that takes you preferrably 1 minute or less to do, that consists of the first task you need to do to take care of the big task. Let’s say the big task is to run a marathon. So before you run it, you need to get into your running shoes. That’s your 1 minute task.

Do that, and do it consistently, even if afterwards you quit. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you get into the habit of taking action. Over time you will add more to it. Maybe it will be that you put on your shoes and you go for a walk. Then a 10 min run. And so on. If you’re consistent, you’ll get better and better till you run the marathon.

Here's the question to ask before you proceed, "What is the worst thing that can happen if I do ____?"

The problem with this for people who are naturally anxious is that when fear takes over your brain, you will not be able to give a rational answer to the above question. Im trying to think of an example to offer you... let’s take something like driving. An anxious person could think that the “worst that can happen” when driving is having a horrible car accident and landing in prison, for example. Hence that answer will make them feel even more fear and not take action, and they will feel they’re rationally jusitifed. Even though what actually happened is that anxiety hacked their brain...

 

[WJK]

The problem with this for people who are naturally anxious is that when fear takes over your brain, you will not be able to give a rational answer to the above question. Im trying to think of an example to offer you... let’s take something like driving. An anxious person could think that the “worst that can happen” when driving is having a horrible car accident and landing in prison, for example. Hence that answer will make them feel even more fear and not take action, and they will feel they’re rationally jusitifed. Even though what actually happened is that anxiety hacked their brain...

That kind of reaction is an outlier -- more of an OCD response. I was referring to rational outcomes. Like... if I invest my money in this proposed business, I could lose it. Businesses fail and that may happen. Can I live with that financial loss? If I can't afford to lose that money, then I cannot make that investment.

It's part of what I do to weigh the different options. It is one decision-making tool in my goodie box...

 

[Black_Dragon43]

That kind of reaction is an outlier -- more of an OCD response. I was referring to rational outcomes.

Maybe... Im not trying to say everyone is like this, however based on my experience people who tend to be towards the naturally anxious side, tend to be unable to rationally think their way out of their problems.

It’s interesting you bring up OCD, a doctor thought I had it when I was in my teens, and I think he may have been right at that time. I used to obsessively wash my hand, check to make sure the oven is closed, come back to make sure I closed the door and so on.

I no longer do these things, but I understand where someone who does comes from. When this happens to you, rationally you feel completely jusitifed to check, because after all, you MAY have forgotten to close the door - certainly a possibility, at least logically, since it’s not a logical contradiction that you haven’t forgotten it.

So to get out of that, you need to let go of the need for certainty (screw it, if I left it open, that’s it, I’m not going back), and try to relax FIRST before you think. Otherwise fear and anxiety has your mind hacked, and it will use it to think for you.

To this day, even though I don’t have any overt obsessive-compulsive behaviors (and a dr wouldn’t be able to diagnose me based on any behaviors he would see watching me), my mind still tends towards the anxious side, and I always consider possibilities that I think others wouldn’t ever entertain. So for me, thinking my way out of such issues seems to be impossible... rather it’s about letting go, relaxing, and gaining back control first, before any thinking.

Also, the jury is still out on what exactly OCD is. The word goes that it’s incurable, but then how are cases like myself explained? Obviously in my opinion Im not cured, but rather I’ve learned to manage my mind which operates in this way more effectively, rather than change it. So it’s possible that OCD stems from something more primary - a pattern of thinking, a habit of considering potential problems, etc.

 

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[WJK]

So it’s possible that OCD stems from something more primary - a pattern of thinking, a habit of considering potential problems, etc.

I agree. It's a way of seeing the world. So, I was you, I would create a habit of going through a preset process to make decisions. I use one myself...

The flip side of asking this question concerns those people who assume that everything is going to go perfectly. Then when it doesn't, they are shocked. They take risks with assets that they can't afford to lose -- like using the kid's next week lunch money to fund a risky business. And they don't have a problem with that kind of behavior. I think you can agree that asking what can go wrong is a prudent part of making a decision.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

The flip side of asking this question concerns those people who assume that everything is going to go perfectly. Then when it doesn't, they are shocked. They take risks with assets that they can't afford to lose -- like using the kid's next week lunch money to fund a risky business. And they don't have a problem with that kind of behavior. I think you can agree that asking what can go wrong is a prudent part of making a decision.

Right I see what you mean. Yeah, there are people who seem to be perpetual optimists, and never consider risks. It helps to avoid stress in the short term if you're like that, but if you actually do take risks, and you don't consider them, you'll create greater stress down the road.

I agree. It's a way of seeing the world. So, I was you, I would create a habit of going through a preset process to make decisions. I use one myself...

What also helped me was understanding how things stand and creating a model for it in my head. For example, realizing (and accepting!) that we never have complete certainty, and the challenge in life is to make good decisions without having access to all the information. So that was part of it... realising that I can never be 100% sure that I closed the door.

So next, I had to figure out at what level of certainty it would make sense to start worrying if I closed it and go back to check. And I realised that the situations where that would happen would be exceedingly rare, since I'm not a forgetful person, and I pay attention to these things. So unless I have actual reasons to doubt, it would be irrational to do so.

Studying philosophy helped me - basically you learn that doubting must be grounded within reasons to be rational. Doubting merely because something is logically possible doesn't actually help us gain any meaningful information that could help us learn how to act better.

So yeah, I think having a process that you go through when making decisions, and having some fundamental axioms so to speak right can go a long way.

 

[Silverfox148]

How do you personally deal with or overcome feelings of fear and/or lethargy?

As of late, I have been falling short of my desired potential and haven't been acting/grinding as my higher self would prefer. Through self reflection and introspecting I believe at the root it is fear and lethargy that is the cause of my shortcomings.

Is it simply a muscle one needs to just improve over time? Is there a quote that makes you spring to action? Any insight or tips is greatly appreciated.

You need to get clarity about what you want in life 100%, forget all the bullshit of those around you and ask yourself what you really want.

For me: I want absolute freedom to do what I want with my available time on this earth.

Absolute clarity: I'm willing to hustle, grind, dig in the trash, embarrass myself, bet on myself, etc. Whatever, absolutely clarity and laser like focus to achieve it.

 

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[WJK]

Right I see what you mean. Yeah, there are people who seem to be perpetual optimists, and never consider risks. It helps to avoid stress in the short term if you're like that, but if you actually do take risks, and you don't consider them, you'll create greater stress down the road.


What also helped me was understanding how things stand and creating a model for it in my head. For example, realizing (and accepting!) that we never have complete certainty, and the challenge in life is to make good decisions without having access to all the information. So that was part of it... realising that I can never be 100% sure that I closed the door.

So next, I had to figure out at what level of certainty it would make sense to start worrying if I closed it and go back to check. And I realised that the situations where that would happen would be exceedingly rare, since I'm not a forgetful person, and I pay attention to these things. So unless I have actual reasons to doubt, it would be irrational to do so.

Studying philosophy helped me - basically you learn that doubting must be grounded within reasons to be rational. Doubting merely because something is logically possible doesn't actually help us gain any meaningful information that could help us learn how to act better.

So yeah, I think having a process that you go through when making decisions, and having some fundamental axioms so to speak right can go a long way.

I must make a lot of decisions that have NO right or wrong answer. It's simply a fork in the road. Do we go left or right? Where will that path lead us? Is it the best decision for everyone involved? Am I putting anyone in danger? Can I mitigate any unforeseen consequences in advance?
And in every decision, I know that it may be the wrong decision in the end. I must live with that. There may information I didn't have when I made that decision. Things may change, and I may have to make a course correction during that part of the journey. There are no absolutes in this world.
To combat that uncertainty, I have purposefully built habits and processes into my day. If you're worried about locking the door, add an extra step to your routine when you close it. Pause for a minute and recheck the knob before you walk away. It the pause that makes you think about your action. You can even add nodding your head when you see that the door is locked. And add a phrase telling yourself that you're grateful for having that secure lock. You can do all of it in a split second. The reason for nodding your head and telling yourself that you are grateful is to push away the negative thought and replace it with a positive one.
The bottom line is that it is your life and your thoughts. You are in charge of both. If you want to change, then do it. Good luck!

 

[Black_Dragon43]

I must make a lot of decisions that have NO right or wrong answer. It's simply a fork in the road. Do we go left or right? Where will that path lead us? Is it the best decision for everyone involved? Am I putting anyone in danger? Can I mitigate any unforeseen consequences in advance?
And in every decision, I know that it may be the wrong decision in the end. I must live with that. There may information I didn't have when I made that decision. Things may change, and I may have to make a course correction during that part of the journey. There are no absolutes in this world.

For sure - that's just how uncertainty works. However, there are right and wrong decisions GIVEN the information that we do have. And that's what we should care about. We want to make right decisions given what we know -> we cannot know everything, and that "right" decision may turn out to be wrong in light of changing circumstances. As you say, we have to then just keep moving.

To combat that uncertainty, I have purposefully built habits and processes into my day. If you're worried about locking the door, add an extra step to your routine when you close it. Pause for a minute and recheck the knob before you walk away. It the pause that makes you think about your action. You can even add nodding your head when you see that the door is locked. And add a phrase telling yourself that you're grateful for having that secure lock. You can do all of it in a split second. The reason for nodding your head and telling yourself that you are grateful is to push away the negative thought and replace it with a positive one.

Heh, an OCD mind is a funny beast when it comes to these strategies. It's like cutting a head of the hydra - it gives birth to another two. Which is why in OCD, compulsions don't diminish the obsession, they make it stronger. Because the next thought will be "Hmmm, I messed with the door knob to check it, what if I unlocked it without realising? Or what if I didn't check it properly? Must check again" -> and on it goes. So the only way is to do sufficient diligence and ignore the thoughts after a certain point. If you listen to them, they will consume you.

 

[Devampre]

You need to get clarity about what you want in life 100%, forget all the bullshit of those around you and ask yourself what you really want.

For me: I want absolute freedom to do what I want with my available time on this earth.

Absolute clarity: I'm willing to hustle, grind, dig in the trash, embarrass myself, bet on myself, etc. Whatever, absolutely clarity and laser like focus to achieve it.

I feel as though I do have clarity as to what I want. Just to be thorough, today I am putting every one of my goals into a new document and breaking it down like this:

SMART GOAL:
Specific: The goal that I want to achieve
Measurable: The way I determine that the goal has been achieved
Attainable: Is this goal possible for me to achieve and have others done it?
Realistic: Is this goal realistic to achieve in my ideal timeframe?
Time: Preferred deadline to achieve goal.

CHECKLIST
Current state: This is where I currently am at regarding the goal.
-Step One:
-Step Two: (sidenote regarding how to reframe one's thinking on the difficulties of this step)
-Step Three:
-Step Four: (sidenote regarding how to reframe one's thinking on the difficulties of this step)
-etc...
Desired state: This is where I want to be at regarding the goal.

I do agree that clarity is part of the game, but I also believe that by breaking down such goals into smaller steps one might be saved from undesired rumination and other such forms of time wasting.

In the checklist section, I am also going to add little notes in parenthesis () to help combat any thought patterns that may cause inaction. These won't be necessary for all steps, but may be ideal for steps where we may not always get the desired outcome despite taking action.

I hope this goalsetting format can be of value to others as well. I personally feel it will help me write better checklists for my daily operations that better align with my longer term goals.

I also really hope this doesn't look like incredible action-faking. My goal with doing this was to actually prevent action faking and negative thought patterns in the future.

Final Note: I don't recommend doing this with small goals that are only a couple steps or aren't overly important to oneself.

 

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[Johnny boy]

An Adderall, Nihilism and 'exposure therapy' combo should knock out both of those problems pretty quick

Sprinkle in some revenge for past embarrassments and some insecurities and you should be on fire.

 

[Devampre]

An Adderall, Nihilism and 'exposure therapy' combo should knock out both of those problems pretty quick

Sprinkle in some revenge for past embarrassments and some insecurities and you should be on fire.

Lol, I do agree with the 'exposure therapy' part. I'm just uncertain about the use of adderall.

I've also found Nihilistic perspectives are sort of a double edged sword. On one side the meaninglessness allows us to see that the actions and consequences are so miniscule that execution is quite simple. On the other side, the meaningless can make us question what is the real point in any execution to begin with.

As for bringing up the pain from one's past, I feel that it too can be somewhat of a double edged sword. One that seems to fuel some people and internally defeat others.

 

[WJK]

For sure - that's just how uncertainty works. However, there are right and wrong decisions GIVEN the information that we do have. And that's what we should care about. We want to make right decisions given what we know -> we cannot know everything, and that "right" decision may turn out to be wrong in light of changing circumstances. As you say, we have to then just keep moving.


Heh, an OCD mind is a funny beast when it comes to these strategies. It's like cutting a head of the hydra - it gives birth to another two. Which is why in OCD, compulsions don't diminish the obsession, they make it stronger. Because the next thought will be "Hmmm, I messed with the door knob to check it, what if I unlocked it without realising? Or what if I didn't check it properly? Must check again" -> and on it goes. So the only way is to do sufficient diligence and ignore the thoughts after a certain point. If you listen to them, they will consume you.

We can all be like that. It's being human. Make a routine and follow it. Pay attention to what is important. The locked door knob is not that important.

 

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