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Opinion: Everyone (yes, everyone) should have a therapist. Especially those trying to pursue an Entrepreneurial lifestyle.

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ChrisV

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So, you decide you're going to start going to the gym. You've never been there before and you're not an expert on fitness. This gym offers free personal trainers for every client. Absolutely free, no catch, no fine print. It would be completely insane to pass up that opportunity. In the US, therapy is covered under almost every major insurance in most cases. In other words, it's completely free. It's the mental equivalent of a free personal trainer, and your mind is just as important as your body. For achievement, even more so. It would be totally insane to try to figure out fitness by yourself when you have the aid of a professional.

But you say "a therapist can't teach me business skills." But in life, your mind is your biggest obstacle. Entrepreneurship isn't hard. Fix a problem and sell the solution. Just get a Economics 101 textbook. It's not hard. Yet, 90% of the people that visit this forum won't stick around here. They'll hang out here for 3 months posting inspirational posts, and then go back to their job. Why? Is selling solutions that hard? No, it's all the mental shit they're unprepared to deal with. Limiting beliefs, maladaptive views, unconscious patterns. For instance, I had a friend who wanted to expand his business, but he felt like selling was sleazy. He just had an aversion to salesmanship of any kind. But after he was able to work through that mental barrier, his results skyrocketed. A therapist can help you uncover all these hidden blocks faster than you ever could.

A therapist is to the mind as a personal trainer is to the body. A lot of guys have this 'macho' thing where they think that going to a therapist implies that they're f*cked up. And maybe they are, maybe they're not. But with the aid of someone who has studied the human mind for their entire lives, it makes the process 100x easier. As humans, there are all sorts of things going on that we have no awareness of. Stuff you didn't even notice. Fears of certain levels of success, limiting beliefs.... behavioral patterns that hold people back.

Also, while you're at it.. a lot of Entrepreneurs are hiring Life Coaches these days. Entrepreneur Magazine: The Rising Popularity of Life Coaching. Just be careful, many of those are wackos. Pick the right one.
 

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LightHouse

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Omg I love this, I want to add a bunch of interesting points here . Great thread start @ChrisV

Ok, So i totally agree with this.

I have a therapist, a lot of noteable fastlaners have therapists... most just do not want to mention it or frankly, it's personal so there is no need to display it. (I mention it here because it is relevant for the skeptics)

A lot of folks have references in their life that tell them "talking about their feelings" is "gay" or stupid" or "pointless". Maybe you even have someone influential in your life tell you to not go, or you've heard a story of someone who put everything out there and it didn't work for them.

The fact is, you never know until you try.

So how's about we approach this with over coming some common objectives I hear.

Ill start with

1.) cost
2.) shame
3.) vulnerability

#1 Cost - As @ChrisV stated, if you have health insurance, it's likely covered 100%. If you do not have health insurance, there are a lot of options that are lower cost, and sometimes even free programs. Betterhelp.com is 40-70/wk which is far less than 150-300 for a traditional office visit. There are other platforms as well. (more on that in a bit)

#2 shame - A good therapist is there to lead you on your own journey. Getting the right help means putting it on the line, but you don't have to put out what makes you uncomfortable. Ease into it. If you are worried about someone seeing you going into the therapist office, or people judging you that you have to interact with, try an online service, phone service or video chat service.

#3 vulnerability - what if you put yourself out there and it doesn't work? what if you want to hide your porn addiction, your drug habit, infidelity, stealing habits, lying, self demonizing thoughts, etc.

Well.... you can hide and dodge that all you want. But you can't do both. If you want to get better, you can't do it without addressing the very methods that got you in a bad spot. '

So i'll ask it in a different way.....

What is on the line if you DON'T put it out there and get it fixed? What do you stand to lose?


The fact is, entrepreneurship above all is extremely stressful and you will without a doubt ride a constant violent roller coaster. Hopefully the trajectory over all climbs, but it will go both ways, there is no avoiding it.

The pursuit isn't worth it if you wind up "successful" with a wrecked personal life, wreck relationships, or bad health.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Also relevant to the subject...


I don't get hung up on labels or judgments. Therapist, life coach, whatever works for someone is advisable.

If anyone watched Billions, they had a therapist on staff for their hedge fund which I believe (someone can correct me) is based on real life. Sometimes we need an objective, third-party sounding board that goes beyond the wife, the kids, or the beer buddy.
 
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ChrisV

ChrisV

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That stuff affects people. Extreme example but, let's say your father really wanted you to get into a legal field. He was in legal, his dad was in legal, his dad's dad was in legal. His dream was always for you to be in legal services. You start a media-related business and everything is just going to shit. You go in and see a good therapist and have a "holy shit" type moment. You figure out that you're self-sabotaging your own business because unconsciously you don't want to go against your father's plans. Every time you get close to success, something inside you just unconsciously f---s it up. This stuff happens all the time.

All you had to do is go in and tell a therapist "I can't seem to succeed at what I'm trying to do" and they'll dig in and try to get to the root of the issue.

Again that's an extreme example, but it could simply be that you've plateaued. It could be whatever. It could be that the stress of maintaining a business is causing you stress and affecting your relationship with your wife.

Also, I don't know that you necessarily have to be f*cked up to see a therapist. It's like, just because you have a personal trainer or nutritionist, doesn't mean you're a fat f---. I see it as housekeeping.

Also also, why not have a therapist as well as life coach? It's like having a bunch of expert advisors at your disposal at all time. But note that therapists and life coaches are two very very different things. Most life coaches aren't equipped to deal with deep psychological patterns, and most therapists aren't equipped to give you productivity tips.

And let's face it.. all of us are a little f*cked up. Not one of us has a completely spotless psyche. Even if you don't have some wild issue, every improvement you make in that area will pay off 10 fold.
 
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ChrisV

ChrisV

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Okay guys, I found something awesome

If you are worried about someone seeing you going into the therapist office, or people judging you that you have to interact with, try an online service, phone service or video chat service.
So there's this great little online service that uses online IFS therapy to find and fix whatever issues you might have. You fill out their questionnaire, and they give you a full report telling you what areas you need work on, and they have an online therapy tool where you can take care of each issue you have for $8 or $14 each (depending on how deep you want to go.) They also have monthly subscriptions for $30 and $40/mo if you want to take care of ALL of them.

So for instance this the the list of Personal Patterns. I'm posting this sample list to show people also that therapy isn't just for issues traditionally seen as emotional. It could be procrastination and self-sabotage:


Procrastination Pattern
"I avoid doing tasks that need to be done."

Foggy Pattern
"I feel spaced out, sleepy, or confused."

Underminer Pattern
"I tell myself that I am inadequate and I shouldn’t bother trying to make something of myself."

Taskmaster Pattern Taskmaster Pattern
"I push myself to work all the time and judge myself as lazy or incompetent."

Perfectionist Pattern Perfectionist Pattern
"The things I do never seem to be good enough."

Victim Pattern Victim Pattern
"I have been wronged and it has ruined my life."

Destroyer Pattern Destroyer Pattern
"I believe that I am fundamentally flawed and don’t deserve to exist."

Inner Critic Pattern
"I judge myself, doubt myself, and push myself to be different than I am."

Angry Pattern
"I can get carried away with my anger."

Indulger Pattern
"I overeat and can’t get my weight under control."

Food Controller Pattern
"I am really hard on myself when my eating gets out of control."


Rebel Pattern
"I feel a need to fight with people in power."

Self-Effacing Pattern
"I feel shy and awkward in social settings."

Defensive Pattern
"When I get criticized, I defend myself, and it often leads to a fight."

People-Pleasing Pattern
"I go out of my way to please people while ignoring my own needs."

Controlling Pattern
"I need to be in charge and have things done my way, and people resent me and fight with me."

Judgmental Pattern
"People tell me that I’m too judgmental so they pull away from me."

Passive-Aggressive Pattern
"I want to please people, but somehow they get frustrated and annoyed with me."

Caretaking Pattern
"I’m always taking care of my friends but I don’t get caring in return."

Intimacy-Avoiding Pattern
"I long for love and intimacy but it doesn’t happen in my relationships."

Dependent Pattern
"I need my partner’s love to feel whole."

Conflict-Avoiding Pattern
"I’m afraid of conflict, so I don’t bring up things that are bothering me, and they fester."
Do the quizes:

 
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Jon L

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I use Ginger.io through my health insurance (Kaiser), which makes it completely free. Once a week video chat with a therapist. They are excellent. Its changing my life, and hopefully my business.

Entrepreneurship brings out the demons. Its crazy how much negative thoughts poor into my head that I just accept as reality. Literally crazy. No wonder I haven't been successful yet, though things are changing...
 
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ChrisV

ChrisV

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I sometimes write things as I think of them, and I wanted to add one little anecdote about one way psychology hampered my earning potential.

See our brains often aren't as intelligent as we'd like them to be. They make quick sweeping judgments that sometimes sacrifice accuracy for quickness.

Much of my adult life I've felt bad taking money from people. Even if I did them a great service, I'd feel bad taking their money. Even when it was obvious both parties benefited from the transaction. So I did a little digging as to why, and figured out the root event for this. The event was: when I was a kid my dad always gave me money. My dad was of course the male figure I most looked up to in my life, so I really respected the things he did. When I was below kindergarten age, he would always just give me $1, $5, $10.. whatever. So one day I thought it would be nice to give him a dollar. I mean he was always giving me money, so why not. I handed him a dollar, and the generous provider he was, he wouldn't accept it. He obviously wasn't being mean, he was just being a gentleman by not accepting a 3 year old's money. My mom saw it and was like "he's just trying to be nice... don't do that" and I don't remember if he took it or not. But in that momen a belief was formed: "gentlemen don't take money from people." No one here was being malicious, it was just that my father was my role model for what real men did. In that moment, I learned it was 'ungentlemanly' to accept money from people.

As you can imagine, this belief took a pretty large toll on my earning capacity throughout the years. I'd feel bad asking asking for money, I'd feel bad asking for more. All sorts of things.

Even if you have a benign upbringing with completely well-meaning parents, things can (and do) go wrong. And I think a good therapist can help you get to the roots of these things.
 

brockzilla

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I use Ginger.io through my health insurance (Kaiser), which makes it completely free. Once a week video chat with a therapist. They are excellent. Its changing my life, and hopefully my business.

Entrepreneurship brings out the demons. Its crazy how much negative thoughts poor into my head that I just accept as reality. Literally crazy. No wonder I haven't been successful yet, though things are changing...
I have Kaiser too...do you need to be referred by the GP before in order to be covered?
 

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guy93777

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So, you decide you're going to start going to the gym. You've never been there before and you're not an expert on fitness. This gym offers free personal trainers for every client. Absolutely free, no catch, no fine print. It would be completely insane to pass up that opportunity. In the US, therapy is covered under almost every major insurance in most cases. In other words, it's completely free. It's the mental equivalent of a free personal trainer, and your mind is just as important as your body. For achievement, even more so. It would be totally insane to try to figure out fitness by yourself when you have the aid of a professional.

But you say "a therapist can't teach me business skills." But in life, your mind is your biggest obstacle. Entrepreneurship isn't hard. Fix a problem and sell the solution. Just get a Economics 101 textbook. It's not hard. Yet, 90% of the people that visit this forum won't stick around here. They'll hang out here for 3 months posting inspirational posts, and then go back to their job. Why? Is selling solutions that hard? No, it's all the mental shit they're unprepared to deal with. Limiting beliefs, maladaptive views, unconscious patterns. For instance, I had a friend who wanted to expand his business, but he felt like selling was sleazy. He just had an aversion to salesmanship of any kind. But after he was able to work through that mental barrier, his results skyrocketed. A therapist can help you uncover all these hidden blocks faster than you ever could.

A therapist is to the mind as a personal trainer is to the body. A lot of guys have this 'macho' thing where they think that going to a therapist implies that they're f*cked up. And maybe they are, maybe they're not. But with the aid of someone who has studied the human mind for their entire lives, it makes the process 100x easier. As humans, there are all sorts of things going on that we have no awareness of. Stuff you didn't even notice. Fears of certain levels of success, limiting beliefs.... behavioral patterns that hold people back.

Also, while you're at it.. a lot of Entrepreneurs are hiring Life Coaches these days. Entrepreneur Magazine: The Rising Popularity of Life Coaching. Just be careful, many of those are wackos. Pick the right one.

the point is to see what happens in other cultures or in history

if history never showed the need for therapists or if other cultures and societies on earth don't need therapists, maybe this is the capitalist american culture which is wrong

the big picture can't be wrong

.
 

Jon L

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I have Kaiser too...do you need to be referred by the GP before in order to be covered?
you need to be referred by someone, so a GP works. Kaiser invested in Ginger, but its a fairly new Kaiser offering, so not too many doctors or therapists in Kaiser know about it.
 

Dan_Cardone

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Thanks for this post!

Been considering therapy for a little while now. No big issues that Im aware of but one commonality between almost super successful people I know is that many of them have therapist on call and use them often.

Anyone here have experience with betterhelp.com?

Thanks!
 

Everyman

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@ChrisV Man I love your posts. They provide so much value.

We don't understand what's holding us back. We think 'I need to procrastinate less' or 'I cannot spend that much, it's not worth it' while the problem is somewhere else and it isn't money or procrastination... And nothing changes until we go really deep into ourselves, and work on the real demons, nightmares and issues inside... which a 'qualified' therapist helps with a lot...

Entrepreneurship brings out the demons. Its crazy how much negative thoughts poor into my head that I just accept as reality. Literally crazy. No wonder I haven't been successful yet, though things are changing...
I get you there. I meet so many great people (even myself) with so many talents, potential and still spark of life inside, only to be held back by decades of bad programming, harming our souls, which brings us down to being a zombie... A therapist can definitely help and I hope you are on the right track.
 

reedracer

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Hmm, I may need to start back up.
BTW, a lot of companies have an EAP that works like an ombudsman for your health benefits.

 

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