Read Millionaire Fastlane
- Apr 28, 2017
This may provoke curiosity, but it is a poor beginning. There are several key elements that a headline (or its equivalent, like your question) should deliver:Which of your chess heroes will hand you a key?
You deliver just curiosity, which is the LEAST important. The most important is the first one. BENEFITS, meaning something that appeals to their self-interest. I see nothing that appeals to my self-interest here, and I'm a chess player.
Furthermore, this BENEFIT must be relevant to your product. Don't just grab attention for the sake of it. I read in order to get some benefit. This is not immediately clear. Chess heroes handing me a key?! What key?! WTH is this guy talking about? That's my reaction. It's not even immediately clear what you're advertising. If I have to think about it, or read a lot to understand what's going on, then it's bad copy.
Good copy is crystal clear from the get-go.
You want me to sign up to your newsletter. Why should I do it? You'll give me something I care about for free if I do. What do I, as a chess player, care about? "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women". That's what I care about. I want to be winning. I want to be superior to other players. So give me something that will improve my game. Something that actually makes it QUICK & EASY to improve my game. Make it something NEW - innovative, never before seen. Now you're hitting all 4 points. Condense it into a sentence. That is your first sentence.
My friends used to laugh at how badly I lost in chess... but then I discovered these 3 quick and easy steps which made their jaws drop. I suddenly started winning against friends who had played 1,000s of games more than I did. You should have seen their faces when I checkmated them... It may sound unbelievable, but these 3 small changes produced huge results. And I want to share these same 3 strategies with you. For FREE.
As a thank you note for buying this book, I want to share with you exactly how I did it. Drop me your email at ........... and I will instantly send you the exact blueprint I used. Do it now before you get caught up in the whirlwind of life and forget about it. I promise you, when you see the impact THIS will have on your game... you will not regret the 1 minute you spent entering your email and downloading this short guide.
This is much better, and along the lines I'd go for if I were you.
Don't try to be artsy/cutesy, it doesn't work. Hit the pain-points. You don't want me to say "Oh that was a great writeup" and then close your book, never to open it again. You want me to say "let me grab this now".
Also, you gotta fix your process. You don't give the book away after they enter their email with a link. I was able to steal them just by giving you a fake email. Send the link via email only.