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Not sure this is the right place but looking for feedback on my landing page

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philviking

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Fellow Fastlaners!

I've been building an Add-On which allows you to connect your (mostly EU) bank accounts to Google Sheets so you can have up-to-date balances there for a no-hassle financial cockpit starting point. It includes seeing your balances, generating a PnL statement as well as some simple trend insights.

I offer a method, a spreadsheet template and the Add-On (free and premium version) - all to give structure and direction to the ones who have no clue where to start but do want to do better with their finances.

I got a lot of feedback from my closer networks that
1. they do not organise their finances and
2. they don't know where to start and
3. my method really works, not just for me.

This gave me the confidence to invest in an MVP. Part of the MVP is this landing page and marketing funnel that I'm building.

The landing page is at www.handsoffmoneyflow.com

I would be supremely grateful for any feedback. Is it clear what is offered? Can it be done better? What would you change?

The target audience is ambitious people who haven't put a lot of focus on dealing with their finances. They're probably reasonably well paid but feel like they're not in control or do not know how to deal with their finances.
 

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GatsbyMag

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My quick piece of feedback:

Scrolling through the website, I don't really know what it is you're offering to do, it seems like you want access to my bank account but for what? How will you ensure I "always have the right money for those pesky bills"?

It wasn't until I double checked that I saw the 'Ok, so, ready to sign up for the beta and pre-launch?' headline that I got an idea of what you're offering, it seems like you have a strategy that can be accessed through an ebook to help me save money and build credit? I feel like I should have known that immediately after I loaded the homepage.

I like the simplicity of the website, but it seems to be missing some media assets e.g. video, images to help me get a better understand of what you're offering.

Best of luck
 
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philviking

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My quick piece of feedback:

Scrolling through the website, I don't really know what it is you're offering to do, it seems like you want access to my bank account but for what? How will you ensure I "always have the right money for those pesky bills"?

It wasn't until I double checked that I saw the 'Ok, so, ready to sign up for the beta and pre-launch?' headline that I got an idea of what you're offering, it seems like you have a strategy that can be accessed through an ebook to help me save money and build credit? I feel like I should have known that immediately after I loaded the homepage.

I like the simplicity of the website, but it seems to be missing some media assets e.g. video, images to help me get a better understand of what you're offering.

Best of luck
Thank you for your feedback! It makes sense. Maybe an explanatory video in the top would be the way to go.
 
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philviking

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The design is fine but the copywriting is poor IMHO.
Care to elaborate on why? As you can probably guess I wrote it and would really appreciate and welcome any chance of improving my copywriting skills :)
 

Matt Sun

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1) Copy should consist mostly on 1 silabe words in order to be more "readable". (The book Chasvertising is great for improving copy in general, and that's where i got this from). But when you say right at the start "financially healthy Starter Pack" it's not only not very readable, but it also doesn't convey the benefits of your offer. Wich brings me to number two.
2) Benefits are king. Start by what your product will do for your customer. Scrolling down a little you say "
I get it, your finances could be better
"
That really says nothing about what you would do for me if I sign up. You have to tell me what are the benefits or I really have no reason to try your product.
3) There is so much more to improve: Social Proof. Time deadlines with call to action. Even talk about the technical aspect of your product in order to "seduce" the logical brain of your customer also.

That should give you an idea. Again, the book Cashvertising is great and that's where I got this ideas from.
 

Everyman

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Instead of asking random people here, ask 'the market' so your target audience.

Compare it to benchmarks and correct. Maybe what you have is enough?
 

Fastlane Liam

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Put this:

an Add-On which allows you to connect your (mostly EU) bank accounts to Google Sheets so you can have up-to-date balances there for a no-hassle financial cockpit starting point

On the website, that tell me what is does in 3 seconds
 

alexkuzmov

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Fellow Fastlaners!

I've been building an Add-On which allows you to connect your (mostly EU) bank accounts to Google Sheets so you can have up-to-date balances there for a no-hassle financial cockpit starting point. It includes seeing your balances, generating a PnL statement as well as some simple trend insights.

I offer a method, a spreadsheet template and the Add-On (free and premium version) - all to give structure and direction to the ones who have no clue where to start but do want to do better with their finances.

I got a lot of feedback from my closer networks that
1. they do not organise their finances and
2. they don't know where to start and
3. my method really works, not just for me.

This gave me the confidence to invest in an MVP. Part of the MVP is this landing page and marketing funnel that I'm building.

The landing page is at www.handsoffmoneyflow.com

I would be supremely grateful for any feedback. Is it clear what is offered? Can it be done better? What would you change?

The target audience is ambitious people who haven't put a lot of focus on dealing with their finances. They're probably reasonably well paid but feel like they're not in control or do not know how to deal with their finances.
Hey, (Phil?)

29624

1. The performance is not good.
The landing page should load much faster than it does.
Look into improving the load time of the page.

2. Those 3 dots in the upper right corner are confusin, I bet you that people will try to click on them.
3. I really dont understand what it is that you are selling. What is this add-on?
How does it work? Will it save me time or?
 
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philviking

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Read Millionaire Fastlane
Sep 27, 2019
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1) Copy should consist mostly on 1 silabe words in order to be more "readable". (The book Chasvertising is great for improving copy in general, and that's where i got this from). But when you say right at the start "financially healthy Starter Pack" it's not only not very readable, but it also doesn't convey the benefits of your offer. Wich brings me to number two.
2) Benefits are king. Start by what your product will do for your customer. Scrolling down a little you say "
I get it, your finances could be better
"
That really says nothing about what you would do for me if I sign up. You have to tell me what are the benefits or I really have no reason to try your product.
3) There is so much more to improve: Social Proof. Time deadlines with call to action. Even talk about the technical aspect of your product in order to "seduce" the logical brain of your customer also.

That should give you an idea. Again, the book Cashvertising is great and that's where I got this ideas from.
Great feedback, I will for sure take a look at that book. And I agree with your points. The initial draft I had focused more immediately on the benefits, but I wanted to try a storyline approach. I think I'll need a hybrid approach, as my thinking previously was that I would get "warmed up" leads to the landing page.

Thank you!
 
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philviking

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Instead of asking random people here, ask 'the market' so your target audience.

Compare it to benchmarks and correct. Maybe what you have is enough?
Agreed! And that is part of the plan. However my skills in this domain are quite.. undeveloped yet so coming here for some guidance seemed like a good idea.
 

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philviking

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Put this:

an Add-On which allows you to connect your (mostly EU) bank accounts to Google Sheets so you can have up-to-date balances there for a no-hassle financial cockpit starting point

On the website, that tell me what is does in 3 seconds
Hahaha, damnit, you're right. Why is it so hard to write good sales copy as soon as you start writing sales copy instead of just talking about it casually ‍*facepalm*
 
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philviking

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Hey, (Phil?)

View attachment 29624

1. The performance is not good.
The landing page should load much faster than it does.
Look into improving the load time of the page.

2. Those 3 dots in the upper right corner are confusin, I bet you that people will try to click on them.
3. I really dont understand what it is that you are selling. What is this add-on?
How does it work? Will it save me time or?
1. Yikes - didn't notice that. It's just a static page loaded from aws S3.. perhaps that's the issue? Need to look into it.
2. You mean the fake menu? It's there for added confusion points. It's the new thing. (You're right, I'll need to remove it :D)
3. Let me improve the copy also based on the other reactions in the thread and I'll get back to you on that one :D
 

Kid

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Mar 1, 2016
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I'm not expert on copy and you've been given few good advises above.

I would put my two cents in topic of your website name.
Putting it shortly - it has too many words and its too long.
Longer story is that is so confusing and so hard to read
that first i thought its "handsomemoney.com"
(which is only one level easier then your domain, btw)

So i would advise to keep thinking about new ones.
Good luck.
 

DST

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Nov 19, 2013
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There is too much reading before getting to the point. I exited the tab before finishing

A mysterious and vague story telling regarding my finances? I suspect it will either lead to spam or getting my bank account details, both which are a no from me


And the trying to be "personal" with "youthful" words (chill vibes, buddy, I and my friends) from a financial company, all I could think about was








My unpopular opinion:
The less a company has to offer, the more emphasis and time they put into copywriting. Imagine if Google, Facebook, Youtube, Snapchat, Instagram, Airbnb or Uber had a long story to read before people used their service, they would never have become what they did. None of the big companies do it, mostly wantrepreneurs and small timers. Its like equivalent of spending your time tweaking the logo - it matters very little, and is a distraction from doing the thing that really matters
 
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philviking

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Sep 27, 2019
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I'm not expert on copy and you've been given few good advises above.

I would put my two cents in topic of your website name.
Putting it shortly - it has too many words and its too long.
Longer story is that is so confusing and so hard to read
that first i thought its "handsomemoney.com"
(which is only one level easier then your domain, btw)

So i would advise to keep thinking about new ones.
Good luck.
Yes - I dislike the name actually. Just haven't gotten to the point where I want to invest in a brand expert to turn it into a real brand. At first I want to see what interest I can whip up from some paid traffic. Just to test the waters :)
 
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philviking

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Sep 27, 2019
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There is too much reading before getting to the point. I exited the tab before finishing

A mysterious and vague story telling regarding my finances? I suspect it will either lead to spam or getting my bank account details, both which are a no from me


And the trying to be "personal" with "youthful" words (chill vibes, buddy, I and my friends) from a financial company, all I could think about was








My unpopular opinion:
The less a company has to offer, the more emphasis and time they put into copywriting. Imagine if Google, Facebook, Youtube, Snapchat, Instagram, Airbnb or Uber had a long story to read before people used their service, they would never have become what they did. None of the big companies do it, mostly wantrepreneurs and small timers. Its like equivalent of spending your time tweaking the logo - it matters very little, and is a distraction from doing the thing that really matters
Good feedback.

The story telling is something I brought with me from enterprise sales I guess. It worked really well there when you can work out a strong pitch and get 45 minutes to present. Reading this I realise I've been applying those sales skills to the wrong context. Thanks for highlighting. Much to learn still!

I'm a bit stuck as to how to brand this thing. The method, when explained properly, really works and is quite simple and I have quite a few friends who now use it and it really has changed the way they deal with their personal finances. This is what I want to convey and what I want to promote simply because I see value in it. I'm finding it hard to "sell" the method in this context without sounding like another charlatan or guru.
 
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philviking

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I still don't understand what it is from the headline and subtitle. But maybe that's just me?
It's not. It was terrible but somehow I was blind to it until I got the feedback.

I updated since yesterday though. If you like, you could take a look again and let me know if it's now more clear?

www.handsoffmoneyflow.com
 

Dark Water

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"The Hands-Off Money Flow is a simple and free method + toolkit which uses automation and technology to save you time, money and brain power"

I still have no idea what I'm getting myself into when I read this. It's too complicated, seems shrouded. Tell me that it's an add-on with a Google Sheet companion. Even in section 2, the headline jumps to the benefits again before telling me in the body what it is.

Less is more. There are too many words being used to explain a simple tool. Cut to the chase early on.
 

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philviking

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Sep 27, 2019
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"The Hands-Off Money Flow is a simple and free method + toolkit which uses automation and technology to save you time, money and brain power"

I still have no idea what I'm getting myself into when I read this. It's too complicated, seems shrouded. Tell me that it's an add-on with a Google Sheet companion. Even in section 2, the headline jumps to the benefits again before telling me in the body what it is.

Less is more. There are too many words being used to explain a simple tool. Cut to the chase early on.
Thank you! I'll consider how to cut to the chase earlier. The challenge here is that the method itself is what can drive positive behavior change. But it requires some education before it becomes clear how and why it's valuable. I'm considering to outline the method on the page as well to give more clarity but it might get too heavy. Let's see, I'll perhaps try it out.
 
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philviking

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Ok - so I took a small step back and realised a few things.

The method needs to be separated from Add-On. It is too complex for the reader to get their head around what is actually offered with the way things are right now. Thank you all for that glaringly obvious feedback :D

The method stands by itself and should be explained in detail in a separate website focused on financial health. I already wrote about the method on Medium (and got very nice feedback).

The Add-On also stands by itself but can be marketed much more clearly if marketed by itself. It's a simple Add-On to Google Spreadsheets which allow you to see your bank account(s) balances and transactions (as long as the bank is supported). It will also be by itself on the Google Add-On Marketplace so it will need its own name + branding anyway.

I believe this to be the best way forward for now.
 

OverByte

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Very quick feedback:

#1 - Value proposition unclear - how is this going to save me time or money, not obvious and nothing hooked me to keep reading.

The orange on white text is very hard to read. Pretty sure this is an accessibility no-no. I use flux/nightshift (as to alot of people) and it's nighttime and the orange text is unreadable.

#2 - This is an app about finance, for me to consider it your brand / offering needs to elicit trust. This website does not look trustworthy. There are layout issues, poor UX (like the colors), it also doesn't have https certs (so chrome says 'Not-Secure' next to your url), which although you don't seem to be asking for sensitive information it still looks amateurish, and i'm not giving my bank info to a website that doesn't look professional. I don't want to see the words 'Not-Secure' next to your pitch to give you my financials.

The fact that it is a single page landing site also does not elicit trust, it looks like you set this up in a few hours.
 

sparechange

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What makes you feel like it looks like a scam? That's pretty seriously shit in that case..
Just gives off that vibe, a money website that makes you enter in an email address that will most likely be spammed, there should be a download button, I have no idea what the service is but if I could have the ability to download it quickly like the mozilla firefox addons, then I could actually judge it.

I'm sure tons of other people would feel the same way.
 
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philviking

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Thanks to your feedback I simplified and changed perspective a bit. For anyone interested in the progress here's the new site: Nordveld | Financial fluency for everyone

There are a few minor tweaks I still want to do but I'll be trying out the response with some paid traffic moving forward. Let's see what the marketmind responds with..!
 

alexkuzmov

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Thanks to your feedback I simplified and changed perspective a bit. For anyone interested in the progress here's the new site: Nordveld | Financial fluency for everyone

There are a few minor tweaks I still want to do but I'll be trying out the response with some paid traffic moving forward. Let's see what the marketmind responds with..!
1. Dont use gifs, consider making a video, upload it to youtube or wix if its allowed.
29748

2. The site feels empty.
Add more images, describe more benefits, more graphics.
Paint a picture in the mind of you customers.
 
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philviking

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Read Millionaire Fastlane
Sep 27, 2019
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20
1. Dont use gifs, consider making a video, upload it to youtube or wix if its allowed.
View attachment 29748

2. The site feels empty.
Add more images, describe more benefits, more graphics.
Paint a picture in the mind of you customers.
1. I will start using that Audit panel from now on :)
2. I'm keeping it lightweight for now to see if the core message is enough to generate some interest and clickthroughs. Then I'll gradually add on more content.

Thank you for your feedback!
 

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