Not Fulfilled? Depressed? Maybe You Need An Alignment

[AnAverageJoe]

So I took the MBTI a few times over several days and each time I got INFP. This clears up so much for me.

Some of the strengths of an INFP are idealistic, open minded and creative, and some of the weaknesses are being impractical, doesn’t like dealing with data, and takes things personally. All of which are very true for me.

The part that stuck out the most to me was the career path. It says “It is perhaps more challenging for INFPs to find a satisfying career than any other type...where INFPs will not thrive is in a high-stress, team-heavy, busy environment that burdens them with bureaucracy and tedium.” I mentioned in my earlier post that my job is the reason for a lot of stress, anxiety, and mental fatigue, and what they described there fits my job perfectly. I’m working a job that my brain isn’t wired to work. No wonder I feel the way I do...

It also said “First and foremost is seemingly every INFPs’ dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one, and there are many viable options for freedom-loving INFPs. The internet brings to the world the opportunities of blogging and freelance work...”

I mentioned in another post on the forum that I have always loved to write. I began writing fiction in my early teens and continued through to my early college years. I only stopped writing because I was made to believe writing wasn’t practical and I couldn’t make any money being a writer. I now know that’s not true and that there is money to be made out there as a writer.

Because of the results of the test I doubled down on my desire to be a writer and I went to Udemy and purchased a course to strengthen my writing skills and another course to learn how to be a freelance copywriter. I’ve also found a few companies that need a contracted content writer so I am going to apply to those just to see what happens. Wouldn’t hurt to get paid while I learn. I’m also going to do the @SinisterLex copywriting challenge.

Now I am going to continue going through my core values and take the other test to keep digging deeper into who I am as a person. Thanks a lot for posting this @eliquid. This has been a real game changer for me.

 

[dgr]

This is why I like the enneagram tests.

Enneagram shows me as a type 8, which is an extroverted type.

But,

An unhealthy type 8 moves towards type 5, which is a more introverted type.

If I take the Myer-Briggs while I am in a healthy state, it starts with an "E", but if I take it from an unhealthy state, it starts with "I"

So one of the things I watch in myself is "withdrawing" from people. If I see myself being more introverted I know something is bothering me that I need to fix.

Let's flip this around:

My wife is a type 5, which is a more introverted type.

In a healthy state, she moves towards type 8, an extroverted type.

Both of us change our levels of introvert or extrovert depending on where we are at mentally.

So the enneagram takes into account that our personalities are dynamic or fluid in a fashion that is more intuitive for me than Myer-Briggs testing.

I'm an 8, and I lean towards 5 when stressed. I had a few initial tests that told me I was a 5 (at the time I was more like a 5)

This is what I like the most of Enneagram. In my past I admired people who was clearly healthy 8's, wanting to be a bit like them. And I've struggled a lot with some 7 traits (the first time I hear about Enneagram I thought I was a rare-case of introvert 7 ).

Is not casual that after of years working on my self-development, I'm more and more adquiring 8's traits and abandoning 7's traits.

But your comment has made me think about how to keep an eye in this traits to recognize when I'm going in the wrong direction. Very useful!

But how do you define a value? Here are the first thoughts that came to my mind:

• Something I want to embrace
• Something I want to live by
• Something I want to be a part of my life
• Something I want to be
• Something I want others to know me for
• Something I should prioritize if I want to really be happy
• Something my endeavors should align with
• Something that attracts me to others if they have it or make me feel it

Other things I usually aks myself when doing this exercises are:
- What I repeatly hate and make me get really angry with the world?
- What are the common values and real motivations after my previous works? Why I abandoned them? Why I enganged with them in first place?

Also, I've done several mind-maps with my interests, dreams, experience, knowledge... these were really useful for me.

Finding out who you are without all the scripted BS from society, and then choosing to live congruently to that?

Wow. It sounds like a great mission statement for all Truth seekers Also a great headline for an infroproduct

It takes a lot of soul searching and self-discovery to find out who you are, your true values, your "why" so to speak, apart from the influences of society.

It needs time, brutal honesty with oneself... and I think it also needs action. Once you have find out that "why", you have to test it and expose your authentic self to the world to know how it feels and how it looks when the world respond to that.

Also, it takes a lot of courage to then go out and manufacture a life that is congruent to what you discover. Often times living congruently to your values is opposite (or at least in disagreement with) what society expects of you.

This is hard. If finding out who you are is laborious, this part is really hard. Is the expose-your-authentic-self-to-the-world part. Probably the most rewarding but hardest part of all this.

For example, a software engineer can work in virtually any field. Medicine, energy, music, technology, shoes, money, physics, etc. Your skills as a software engineer are who you are and how you work in the field you choose.
With these values, you can apply them to virtually any lifestyle, job, or business. For example lets take adventure and simplicity. They can be applied to software engineering, marketing, real estate, etc. It might take some experimenting to see in what ways they can best be applied, but I bet it can be done.

This idea alone can transform a career that you hate into one that you love! I read something similar a time ago and I thought "how I had not realized this before???".

Historically well-known successful people became that way for being true to who they are. They didn't try to be someone else. They don't let society change them. (I think of MLKJ, Steve Jobs, etc)

There is research out there, trust me, that will generally say things like, "type 5's tend to be INTJs and INxJs" and there are things out there that will say "INTJ's tend to have these values"....

There's also some books in Amazon wich are specifically written for each type. Just search for your letters (INFJ, INTP...).

It also said “First and foremost is seemingly every INFPs’ dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one, and there are many viable options for freedom-loving INFPs. The internet brings to the world the opportunities of blogging and freelance work...”

This book is aimed to INFJs but maybe can be useful in your quest for living the writing life... or maybe you can find some similar resource more INFP specific: https://www.amazon.es/INFJ-Writer-Cracking-Creative-Genius/dp/0692766693/

 

[eliquid]

Sorry, but wanted to bump this since I know some people might be looking for direction in the new year

 

[WarWizard]

@eliquid , A lot of your story resonates with me, along with Andy's (I've been in various roles in the IT field for close to 15 years now, and only my recent role has been close to using my 'natural strengths').

I've been on a self discovery quest for a while, and have done some of these tests multiple times.
Yet, your write up has created some connections in my mind that didn't exist before, and it will help me further refine my understanding of myself, and how I can best serve the world.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for taking the time, and having the courage to open up so much and share your results, process and journey.

Just wondering if you have ever taken the Kolbe A Index and/or the Wealth Dynamics test?

Also, have you looked into your 'core beliefs' to see how they are influencing you and choices you make. I've found the concept of it interesting and am working on figuring mine out to see how they've influenced my actions and results thus far, and how I can change them to help me achieve the results that I want to in the future.

Your process of determining values and correlating them to personality types etc to arrive at a mission statement is very interesting and something that I will do over the next few days and weeks. This will help me a lot as I stop doing a few things and start on other projects.

Personally, what I have done so far (over the last 5 -7 years) is taken the MBTI, DISC, Kolbe A, Kolbe Career MO, Wealth Dynamics, StrengthsFinder 2.0, EP10/BP10, VIA Character Strengths, Richard Step Employment Personality, Emyth IQ, 4 Temperaments, Enneagram, Multiple Intelligence's, Left Brain/Right Brain, Rocket Fuel - Visionary/Integrator, and a few free strengths tests to compare them all.

A lot of these I've done at least a couple of times over a few years' time, and they have remained fairly consistent.

The reason I did a lot of these tests was to find the common threads and patterns, as I would not want to just rely on one test.

I've dedicated a notebook in which I've been keeping the results and tracking connections, but with the process you have refined and shared up here, I should be able to connect some of the dots better and get a more useful solution.

I the past, I've looked at each test's results individually and have gone 'How do I use this in my job/project that I'm working on/business that I want to start'. But now I can use all of

I've also managed to get my wife to take some of the tests, and the results have helped me understand why she thinks and acts in certain ways (which wasn't making sense to me and was frustrating me, until the tests gave me the understanding to appreciate her strengths - which by the way compliment mine almost perfectly)

Also, you've really opened my eyes to the difference between freedom and autonomy, which then helped me understand why I've loved some of the jobs I've worked in the past, and why I've hated others. It also helped explain my internal pull towards entrepreneurship.

Thanks again.

Much appreciate what you have shared here (TFLF) in various threads.

Ben.

 

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[eliquid]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for taking the time, and having the courage to open up so much and share your results, process and journey.

Your welcome

Just wondering if you have ever taken the Kolbe A Index and/or the Wealth Dynamics test?

Haven't, but I will mark them down later in the year to try

Also, have you looked into your 'core beliefs' to see how they are influencing you and choices you make. I've found the concept of it interesting and am working on figuring mine out to see how they've influenced my actions and results thus far, and how I can change them to help me achieve the results that I want to in the future.

So this is a bit of back and forth, but for a long time I didn't really know my core beliefs.

I mean, I had these internal gut reactions and feelings.. but I didn't have a name for them or a process. I was just walking around like a mouth breathing sheep for a while. The whole time though, I knew something was off and wrong, that I was unhappy and depressed.. this was me at least knowing this wasn't the lifestyle I wanted.

That lead me to figuring out the names and process for my core beliefs.

So when I look back, I can see the mistakes I made by not knowing or following.

Now, from the point of knowing my beliefs going forward.. I can say they are influencing my choices.

How?

I constantly look at my values all the time. I have to make sure I don't lose focus on them and I have to make sure everyday my gut check feels right about them ( or else it might be time for a change ).

Then I look at my mission statement and remind myself whatever I am doing has to align with that.

Do I get off track? Sure!

I might take on some shiny project thinking it fits ( it's amazing what you can tell yourself, to fool yourself ) and then a week later Im in the middle of it and it hits me that this isn't what I thought it was and it violates something in my mission statement. But that's how you learn.

Lastly, I compare my choices to my priorities.

That systems helps me avoid of ton of bad choices. It also helps me recognize a bad choice when I thought something was a good choice and I'm knee deep in it.

There is also the u-turn. Im not sure if @MJ DeMarco uses this in the book ( I havent memorized it ) but lets say before you realize your values you are in the slowlane. Once you figure them out, you plan a course for the fastlane. But instead of changing lanes smoothly, maybe you have to do a u-turn and go the other direction into their fastlane.

That u-turn pivot might take a couple months to pull off. It might take you time to totally course correct and shed that job ( or business ) and get the resources needed to u-turn into the fastlane in the other direction.

That u-turn phase can cause you to doubt yourself and can open you to rethinking if you are doing the right thing. Hard times might come and you might want to head for the safety of the slowlane again.

Finding out my core values helped me steer through the u-turn completely.

If you happen to be old enough to know, think of your core values like a Brodie Knob on a steering wheel. They also go by "granny knob" and suicide knob. It helps you complete that steer into the direction you want to go.

Personally, what I have done so far (over the last 5 -7 years) is taken the MBTI, DISC, Kolbe A, Kolbe Career MO, Wealth Dynamics, StrengthsFinder 2.0, EP10/BP10, VIA Character Strengths, Richard Step Employment Personality, Emyth IQ, 4 Temperaments, Enneagram, Multiple Intelligence's, Left Brain/Right Brain, Rocket Fuel - Visionary/Integrator, and a few free strengths tests to compare them all.

Damn that's a lot!

Some I know, some I didn't. I'll have to see if I can take them and if any overlap.

.

 

[eliquid]

Do you think for someone who is naturally more a lonely hustler should keep this path or try something different ?

Like, i'm trying to open a new concept of Coffee Shop (long story) because i know i'm able to make something great, but i'm also nervous because i don't like to work with other people.

I'm an ENTJ, i love to help people, but i also prefer to work lonely (which is not what i'm doing right now as i am Coffee Shop Manager / Barista), i'm more in the lifestyle of a Trader for example.

What would you say from your experience and several tests ?

Thanks,
Alessio.

I think for the majority of people, and for the majority of times, at our core we do not change.

Is it possible to change? Yes

Is it likely or easy? No

Because of that, I feel that at our core "a leopard doesn't change his spots" for the majority of time.

Because of this, don't try to change who you are or fight it. If you love to help people and also be a loner, don't try to be a manager of other people or work in large groups as it will just drag you down.

At best, maybe you can find another loner like yourself that likes to help people that you can work with. While you would be his manager, he could work independent of you and you wouldn't feel like you were working "with people". Maybe you can put him in charge and you come in 1x a week to "manage" and set expectations.

If your issue is the customer ( working as a loner ), then you would need to get out of any role where you interact with people daily on an immediate basis ( anytime they need their coffee ) and change that do where you have the power to dictate when you interact with them ( giving you the power as the loner ). As in, you either do above ( put someone in as manager and you come in 1x a week ) or you find a new position/career where you dictate when you interact with people.

With my SaaS for an example, I can dictate when I help people in the support desk role. When a ticket comes in, I don't have to jump and answer it right then and there, I can wait 2-3 hours maybe. When someone wants coffee or has an issue, you have to fix it right there. You might need to be in a role like me where you have power to interact with people on your timeline.

.

 

[MakeItHappen]

Thanks for this thread @eliquid

I have neglected my core values and personality in the past big time. It's not just about the goals it's also about the journey and I want my journey to feel more aligned with my personality.

I have done the mbti test over the years multiple times and I always got the same results and reading about my personality type was like I was reading about myself, crazy.

I have done the enneagram test years ago but don't remember the results... so I will do the test again.

Have you had any experience with the Big Five Personality Test?

Concerning finding my core values I have found the following book:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BC24NRQ/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

It's highly actionable with a lot of exercises and questions for self-reflection, so I am excited about learning more about myself.

I think it was Elon Musk who said that if you love what you do even if you fail you atleast enjoyed the ride. However, if you don't enjoy what you do and you fail it feels like a huge waste of time. If you love what you do you become bolder and are willing to take more risks because even if you fail you don't "lose" all the time and effort doing something you didn't like while you could have done something that you valued more.

I am excited about choosing goals in the future that are not just about the outcome but also the journey...

 

[eliquid]

My birthday came and went last month and I have been looking over my yearly values, mission statement, priorties, etc.

Decided to keep things as they are for this year with no change from last year.

Have a found the sweet spot? Only time will tell.

.

 

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[PedroG]

I just started going through my highlights for "Awaken The Giant Within" and I'll be doing the exercises this time. I started the exercises before but never finished them, and I had a realization the other day...

Everything I've been unhappy about, especially this past year, has to do with conflicting values. Everything. It just hit me. And something needs to change.

 

[T. Davis]

As we get close to the end of 2021 and enter into 2022, I want to bump this thread for those of you that like to do "new year, new you" type of activities.

A few years ago when I was working as a consultant, I reviewed an app (that unfortunately, no longer exists). It had you record a bunch of things you did each day (sleep, exercise, eat well, be creative, and a bunch of others, I forget) and record your happiness each day for 10 days. Then, after 10 days, they told you what daily activities you did on days that you were the happiest.

To my utter surprise, being creative was the thing most linked to my happiness. None of the other healthy things that modern self-help media told me would make me happy made much of a difference.

It was a huge eye opener and I started to see just how different each of us are. So I started thinking and exploring which experiences really made me happy. It took a lot of reflection—"Why isn't this activity making me happy?" "What would need to change about this activity to make me happy?" etc...

Eventually I discovered, I'm happy as long as:

• I'm creating something.
• I'm learning something.
• I have the freedom to make my own decisions.
• I'm engaging with the world in ways that have postive impacts.
• I have the freedom to spend my time how I want to.

Which translates into these values: Creativity, Personal Growth, Autonomy, Kindness, & Balance.

Sometimes it's hard for us to see our values without translating them into experiences. So hopefully this approach can help some of you who are struggling to figure out your values.

 

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[eliquid]

Wanted to bump, middle of the year coming up and I know some people need a refresher

 

[eliquid]

Wanted to shamelessly bump for 2023.

I did a reread of this thread and Im planning to evaluate some things for the new year.. not really with more tests or anything, but just thoughts and directions and goals as priorities shift.

In the last 6 years since this thread started, my kids have graduated high school, started college or moved to other countries and started their own careers.. and now life is a lot different than it was prior.

And with major shifts in life, you need to re-evaluate where you are headed and if a pivot is needed to keep you where you want to go.

While I still love my kids ( right? ), focus has to be on my wife and me now. Things like health as you get older, finances ( retirement, grandchildren, etc ), bucket lists, and leaving a legacy afterward.

For everyone else, be thinking about your life today and the changes it may need to get you there, and how this might impact your values.

 

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[eliquid]

Any specifics?

I'm curious to what raises the red-flags on that particular SAAS. I mean, what are they demonstrating publicly (or in the collab offer) that made you go, "Uh, no."

The short answer is basically:

1. It wasn't a simple deal. Very complex ( un-needly ) and also tied me up for a set period of time. This violated 2 of my core values.
2. I dealt with the company prior as a customer 5 years ago. They were very customer UN-friendly. I didn't want that type of experience now as a collab. How could I trust them today, when they did me wrong 5 years ago.
3. My gut was telling me, something was off. I felt they didn't deserve my insight and wisdom ( another core value I had ) with this collab. I can't pinpoint it yet, but I think some of it overlaps with #2 above and also how complex and tied up I would be ( #1 above ). It just felt like, they didn't deserve to know what I could share with them.

I know #3 sounds odd, but it takes a lot for me to share with someone everything I know. I mean, it took me a lot of time, money, blood and sweat/tears to know what I know. I can't give that up to just anyone. It's not about money or what I get in return, it's more about... are you going to be the type of person that doesn't abuse what I share with you?

If someone gives me the feeling they might abuse it, I have a hard time sharing it with them.

 

[eliquid]

This is why I like the enneagram tests.

Enneagram shows me as a type 8, which is an extroverted type.

But,

An unhealthy type 8 moves towards type 5, which is a more introverted type.

If I take the Myer-Briggs while I am in a healthy state, it starts with an "E", but if I take it from an unhealthy state, it starts with "I"

So one of the things I watch in myself is "withdrawing" from people. If I see myself being more introverted I know something is bothering me that I need to fix.

Let's flip this around:

My wife is a type 5, which is a more introverted type.

In a healthy state, she moves towards type 8, an extroverted type.

Both of us change our levels of introvert or extrovert depending on where we are at mentally.

So the enneagram takes into account that our personalities are dynamic or fluid in a fashion that is more intuitive for me than Myer-Briggs testing.

+ rep

And this fits right into why I stress taking the MBTI multiple times, spread out over time.

Because doing it once is misleading ( see @MidwestLandlord post above )

Doing it 3-4 times in a short time span is misleading ( see @MidwestLandlord post above )

Doing it multiple times, over periods of time, gets me to an "average" of the real me.

When you know all the factors in play ( see @MidwestLandlord post above ), you start to see why sometimes you just can't trust anything done once or done quickly multiple times. And Im not just speaking about MBTI or Enneagram, I'm talking about other things in your life too.

.

 

[RayAndré]

Thinking about it, maybe its better to change the "Something I want to..."s above ^^ to "Something I already..."


Hmm...should your values be something you see your best self as? Or something you are now, but might want to change?
Something you would like to be/embrace? Or something you already are/embrace?

 

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[Gwenqou]

Appreciate the information! Often time, people like to jump into things and do it, without thinking the purpose and meaning behind it (i.e. follow what the society tells you: go to college, or else everyone will get ahead of you)

Sometimes we need to slow down, look around us and see where we are.
But most importantly, understand who we are.

Without understanding who we are, what our values are, what makes us truly happy, we could end up wandering in this world without a purpose, living our lives soullessly

I remember I took the test 4 years ago, took them again recently. The result is still the same: ESTJ. The descriptions fit like a glove. Started to look into this personality type more in depth. Will take it again over the course of next few weeks. Thanks again

 

[AnAverageJoe]

Thank you @eliquid, this is exactly what I needed. I'm going to do the tests and write down my values and priorities and take my time on it.

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

This is me 100%. I've been sidewalk/slowlane my entire life. I didn't know any better until I found MFL about a year ago. Since then I have been slowly trying to turn my life around. I'm broke af, I've been broke af my entire life, and now I am married with two kids. Leaving the sidewalk/slowlane won't be easy, but now I now it's possible. I have to provide value.

I said all that to say this, I'm in the situation I'm in now because I have no idea who I really am. I've always just done what society has told me to do, or what I thought was expected. Go to college, get a job, get married and have kids, blah blah blah, then die. I work in an industry that I absolutely hate and I've done it for the last decade. What should be a mindless and simple job wears me out mentally to the point that when I come home to work on my "biz" I end up staring blankly into my laptop without accomplishing anything. I work my job because it's quick easy money, not because I enjoy it or it aligns with who I am as a person.

Sorry, I'm not trying to hijack your thread, this is just exactly what I needed right now. Thanks again @eliquid, I can't wait to finally find out who I am as a person at 31 years old.

 

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[WJS]

Thank you for creating this thread @eliquid! I've done a few personality tests before and am now starting to read Enneagram to find out more details.

Of the few personality books that I've read so far I find that this book in particular is interesting:



There are only 4 types of personalities introduced in the book: Popular Sanguine, Perfect Melancholy, Powerful Choleric and Peaceful Phlegmatic. Given that there are only four types of personalities most likely they would overlap with the other more complex personality traits found in the Enneagram.

This book was written humorously, packed with various real-life stories of the author's own life experiences, her family members and the people that she came in contact with. The advice given was also very wise and practical. It was one of the books that really opened my eyes about my strengths and weaknesses and what to do with them. Plus the fact that it was written in a light-hearted manner made it an entertaining and informative read. Do check it out if you have time.

Reading Enneagram might take some time as the subject itself is rather complex. But thank you for mentioning it. It would be helpful to understand myself in a much deeper level.

 

[Kennypaul]

I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.

However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.

Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.

My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.

And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.

I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....

Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.

In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.

These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.

In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.

So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.

I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:

The Post

Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.

But the big question is, what is it I want?

And what do I do when my want's change?

It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?

In 2015, my core values were:

• Individuality
  
• Freedom
  
• Trust
  
• Simplicity
  
• Activeness

These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:

• Simplicity
  
• Creativity
  
• Entrepreneurship
  
• Stability
  
• Autonomy

Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...

It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.

So why is this important?

As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.

Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.

If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.

For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:

"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"

If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.

An example of this might be:

• Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
  • I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
• Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
  • It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
• Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
  • It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
  • However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.

A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.

You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.

But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.

So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).

Get the picture?

Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.

Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.

BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.

One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.

My priorities for 2015 where these:

• Family
• Charity & Faith
• Building Net Worth

I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.

Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.

For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.

I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.

And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.

This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.

You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.

Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.

Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.

Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:

• Simple - It's not hard to write content
• Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
• Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
• Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
• Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects

So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.

Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.

It's not hard to prove either.

Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.

You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?


Do yourself a favor....

1. Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
2. Make a mission statement around them
3. Figure out your top 3 priorities
4. Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
5. Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
6. In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.

I simply love your post!.It reminds me of the topic on "VALUES" in the Best selling book called "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck" by Mark Manson.In this particular part of the book,Mark identifies the following as "shitty values",values you should not be prioritizing in your life;
-Pleasure
-Material success(with the sidewalk mindset)
-Always been right
-Always staying positive(its OK to feel bad sometimes,it's an emotion too)
-etc.
Manson considers good values to be;reality-based,socially constructive,achieved internally,immediate and controllable.An example of a good value is honesty,it's completely within your control,it's reality-based and has benefit to others.So is "improvement".etc
Bad values,on the other hand,are:superstitous,socially destructive,not immediate or controllable and reliant on external events.An example of a bad value is the desire to be popular(not in all cases).Popularity is out of your control and is socially destructive(not in all cases).It breaks people down rather than building them up(not in all cases also).But the point is,we should ALWAYS chose our goals based on our values.(Hopefully,they should be good values).

 

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[Get Right]

@MJ DeMarco Featured post quality above by @eliquid . Wow, that was powerful.

 

[LittleWolfie]

These two links might be interesting for anyone who stumbles upon this thread:

• What Business You Should Start, Based on Your Personality Type: Part 1 - Rationals and Idealists
• What Business You Should Start, Based on Your Personality Type: Part 2 - Artisans and Guardians

A big thanks for this @RayAndré , I stumbled upon this after a post another threab by at @Mainstream7. While these indicators a re far from perfect, m issue with them has always been about matching them to the right kind of business. Although I though all business involved social relationships. especially now there seems ot be a demand for a social media presence. Although I'm always on the lookout for a business model that works well with everything done by email.

Perhaps eCommerce. Hiring an extrovert seems rather an expensive approach, that is only possible for much later stage business.

Personally I'm more interested in one man type business that fit the INTP approach.

 

[The Abundant Man]

These two links might be interesting for anyone who stumbles upon this thread:

• What Business You Should Start, Based on Your Personality Type: Part 1 - Rationals and Idealists
• What Business You Should Start, Based on Your Personality Type: Part 2 - Artisans and Guardians

What if I don't have a personality type?

 

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[Danny Sullivan]

Since i'm currently reading Principles from Ray Dalio and there are chapters dedicated to this topic (Find out what you and others are like), i though i'd share his thoughts on the topic (which i find to be very true in all aspects):

"
Knowing how one is wired is a necessary first step on any life journey.
It doesn't matter what you do with your life, as long as you are doing what is consistent with your nature and your aspirations. Having spent time with some of the richest, most powerful, most admired people in the world, as well as some of the poorest, most disadvantaged people in the most obscure corners of the globe, I can assure you that, beyonder a basic level, there is no correlation between happiness levels and conventional markers of success. A carpenter who derives his deepest satisfaction from working with wood can easily have a life as good or better than the president of the United States. If you've learned anything from this book I hope it's that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has an important role to play in life. Nature made everything and everyone for a purpose. The courage that's needed the most isn't the kind that drives you to prevail over others, but the kind that allows you to be true to your truest self, no matter what other people want you to be.

His book is a clear reading recommendation.

I can't thank you enough for this thread. It came to me in a time where i was clearly forcing things upon myself that weren't consistent with my nature. Beeing able to recognize and change it made a great difference for my life.

 

[LuckyPup]

Whoever is giving you those answers is a flake. I know a lot of introverts who are entrepreneurs, including myself. Most introverts make off better as entrepreneurs than employees.

.[/QUOTE]

Amen to that! Took me over 20 years to figure that one out.

 

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[eliquid]

For happiness, your self-image and actions should be congruent. Basically, you are happiest when you are acting and behaving as your ideal self.

This is exactly what this exercise helps do. How do you become your ideal self if you do not know where to start?

When you are just moving through the motions of life and heading down roads society might have placed a lot of emphasis on themselves, but just aren't what you would have headed down?

Where do you know where to start unless you know "who you are"?

Why you fail over and over again and stay frustrated and unhappy?

That is what this post starts you on the journey to.

Personality tests gives you your strength and weaknesses but you aren't limited by them. Dont simply adopt some label that is output by a personality test.

No one mentioned you should just adopt a label by a personality test.

This is why I focus a ton on taking just 1 test multiple times. Past that, taking multiple more different tests, multiple times.

If you just adopt the label past that point, you haven't learned or taken to heart the core message of this post and simply quit once you got your result from the test. You didn't press on to make change or learn what that change meant.

I can't hold your hand the entire way through your life ( not meaning you @NuclearPuma , but readers of this post ), just like @MJ DeMarco can not hand hold you past reading one his books. If you quit after the tests, you failed.

Most people don't know their own true strengths and weaknesses. This will get you on that road. Past that you also have to make your mission statement, priorities, goals, etc and you align those with your strengths and weaknesses which I cover in the thread too.

This all builds a foundation, which most people don't have and don't know how to make, that aligns the things you plan out and do, with who you actually are. This gets you down the road to start a journey to find out who the ideal you even is.

.

 

[LuckyPup]

I agree with some of the OP but also find it a little bit limiting in terms of thinking.

For happiness, your self-image and actions should be congruent. Basically, you are happiest when you are acting and behaving as your ideal self.

But you somewhat define what that ideal self is.

Personality tests gives you your strength and weaknesses but you aren't limited by them. Dont simply adopt some label that is output by a personality test.

I agree that true satisfaction in life comes from living with integrity, when your actions are in congruence with your "true" self. I don't think anyone is claiming that these tests DEFINE a person completely, but they can provide insight that many people lack. Those insights can help a person define his/her ideal self.

As Eliquid illustrated, this isn't a "one and done" event; it's an ongoing process. People are dynamic and evolving all the time. I'm not the guy I was 20 years ago, thank God, and not even the guy I was two years ago.

I think all of this is in the spirit of Plato's advice, "Know thyself," and that takes some self examination... at least for me.

 

[eliquid]

Not sure I posted this for 2018..

I skimmed my posts and didn't see it.

But in 2018 I did this as my mission statement based on my core value evaluation in 2018 ( mid year )

To:

1. Solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship
2. Create Ah-Ha moments based on insight, enlightenment, and knowledge
3. Live a full and stable life with complete and utter autonomy

.

 

[eliquid]

After much thought the last couple days ( I thought this would take me longer, but seems like I have this down really well now after several years ), I came down to this:

To:

1. Solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship
2. Share my full knowledge, wisdom and insight with those that deserve it
3. Live a full and stable life with complete and utter autonomy

So it didn't change much. I actually liked my 2018 version alot and think I hit the nail on the head. I just refined it for 2019-2020 with #2.

I found my values really didn't change either, so my mission statement didn't really need to much.

I think this year I will look more into sports ( as exercise ). Running and Swimming are single person sports that have interests aligned with an INTJ. I've also had a fascination with triathlons for years, so maybe I might head in that direction starting to train for my 5 year personal goal.

I'm also going to triple down on a DO NOT DO list. I need to keep weeding out to get to my minimum.

.

 

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[eliquid]

Had a couple down moments this week that really got me in a funk.

As I examined them and looked them over to find out the why's, I realized these specific incidents didn't align to my core values, priorities and mission statement!

Sometimes things slip into your life and you don't realize it. This is why I constantly hound on always being aligned with your values in all things you do and being aware.

Good thing is, I can put them on my DO NOT DO list so I can spot the issues faster going forward.

.

 

[eliquid]

And that doesn't even get into the social and professional benefits of getting some insight into how other people think and why they behave as they do... (things which most nt folks should really appreciate )

Yes, this alone has helped me with writing 100X better marketing as I can better target certain personalities in my writing.

Things like knowing INTPs and INTJs might only be 3-5% of my audience ( based on stats I found ) lead me to better understand the other personalities so I can make sure I am writing to them and hitting their emotional triggers better since they are a lot larger audience/make up.

.