Need feedback on my copywriting

[Lex DeVille]

It starts with research. But research just gives you raw data. If you want your copy to convert you need to empathize with your audience. Not just know their problems or desires but how they feel about those things.

It's not enough to know a teething baby cries. You need to empathize with what that experience is really like from a frustrated, sleep-deprived parent's point of view. What happens in their body when they wake to another scream session in the middle of the night? What do they think to themselves as they stumble out of bed for the third time in two hours - two hours before the alarm goes off? How do they feel emotionally knowing teething might go on for another 2 years? Until you know you won't get me to buy your China import teething ring.

You can't THINK you know. You have to actually know and it requires thinking about their situation, understanding all the working parts and deeply empathizing until you have a clear picture of the world through their eyes.

Brands like Nike don't need extra copy to convert. That's the power of branding. They know their audience so well and have spent so many years anchoring sporty images and high-performance emotions to their brand that less is actually more. If you are Nike's target audience then you don't need writing to remind you who you are, how you want to be seen, what you will feel or why you should buy.

For smaller brands you have to know the audience better than they know their self. Anything less is a shot in the dark at what will move them to action.

 

[Lex DeVille]

Just wanted to ask you. To practice copy writing in the fastest and most efficient way possible should I skip doing research on companies since it will take quite a bit of time and just modify current descriptions?

Not sure if I'm understanding correctly, but the fastest way to write copy is just to write it. The most efficient way is to understand your audience first. Otherwise you'll just end up with a lot of revisions. I'm not sure what you mean by "modify current descriptions." I don't know who you're writing for or what you're writing (need context).

When I started I didn't spend much time on audience. I just wrote copy. The client either liked it and used it, or they didn't like it and requested changes or their money back. Anything you write for a company can be considered "copy." If you want that copy to get a response, you need to understand, and empathize with the audience.

 

[Lex DeVille]

Why doesn't Udemy already use "Learn to Earn?" Because it doesn't reflect their core audience - people who want to learn for the sake of learning.

Some of those people are short on time. Some aren't. Some want to learn to earn. Some don't. All want to learn for the sake of knowledge or skill aquisition. So the word "Learn" makes sense. "Time" also makes sense because it implies NOW is the time to learn. The subheadline then addresses their biggest objections and emotional justifications for why now is not the time to learn. Time and money.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I did read that book by Ray edwards wasn't a big fan, might need to re-read it. What about my bullet points up the top are they any good?

Nobody in here can give you this answer. There's only one way to find out what works in copy and it isn't by copying ads, rewriting headlines, using templates that people claim worked well for them, or asking an audience that isn't your target prospect if your copy is good. Let me ask you this...is your goal to pass a copywriting exam? Or is it to sell and make money? If it's the former, then keep doing what you're doing and do the whole copying ads bullcrap too.

The ONLY way to get results and improve as a copywriter is via the scientific method:

1) Define your desired outcome - "I would like my audience to do X."
2) Ask a question - "How can I get my audience to do X?"
3) Research - Gather information on your audience and get to know them
4) Hypothesis - "If my audience reads X I think they will respond with Y action."
5) Experiment - Put the copy in front of real prospects and give them a chance to read it.
6) Results - "Did the copy achieve my desired outcome?"
----- If NO: Review procedures and adjust something in your copy, then run another experiment
----- If YES: Analyze the data and draw conclusions
7) If you achieved your desired results, but they weren't as good as you hoped, form a new hypothesis, adjust something and run another experiment.

This is how you get better at copywriting.

Everything else is a class in writing 101- i.e. storytelling, flow and structure, persuasion tactics, grammar... None of that is copywriting. All of it is part of copywriting. That's why I cringe when I hear others say to copy templates and old ads. That doesn't teach you how to get better at copy. It teaches you techniques that MAY or MAY NOT work for your audience.

We can give you our opinions on your writing all day long. But it's just a writing critique at best. If you want to write good copy, you have to study and empathize with your audience, run experiments on that audience, and get real results that tell you 100% for sure if your copy is good or not.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I don't get why I can't get it right, like for example I googled how to practice copywriting and it didn't mention what you did. Maybe because its testing something completely different.

I'm not sure what you mean. You can't get untested copy right or wrong. It's just words until it's tested on an audience. Then it becomes copy.

It's not surprising Google doesn't mention my way. Most of the traditional training tells people to handwrite ads and build from templates and magically they'll learn human behavior and psychology.

As Fastlaners we know that's not how things work. There's a process. In copywriting, the process is writing AND testing copy. The more you test, the more you get results, and the more you grow.

Most training gives people an easy out. Testing copy is hard because you're faced with the reality that people might not respond to your words and you might find out you suck (plus you have to put systems in place to run tests).

So the gurus provide template headline structures and swipe files and outlines and say "do this and make money!" "Just handwrite these ads!" "Just read these books!" - and instead of getting good at copy, students get real good at studying and action-faking.

There is no "I suck" in copywriting. There's just writing that gets tested and gets results. As long as you're willing to interpret those results, make adjustments, and continuing to test your copy, you will get good. Even a terrible writer can write good copy once they adapt this process.

But let's define "good" real quick.

A good copywriter isn't good at writing for every audience. What makes a good copywriter is a willingness to research, experiment, and make adjustments based on results until the copy achieves the desired outcome, one audience at a time.

 

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[Lex DeVille]

Just wow Lex, thank you for this Gold.
This is something everybody should know. I've got the feeling that everything else is action faking?

In a sense, yes.

If the goal is conversions (sales, clicks, replies), then the only way to get results is to put an offer in front of an audience. Doesn't matter if the copy is duck poop or gold cake. Whether they act or don't, once the offer is in front of people, you establish a baseline of results.

There are variables to consider of course. Mainly the number of people who saw the offer. Was it placed it front of enough people to get a baseline? Showing one person the copy and that person doesn't buy won't tell you much. Showing 100 people will though.

If you show enough people and the results are 0, then change something. Preferably something big so the change is drastic and noticeable.

Bad Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. I am a test headline

Good Headline Test:
I Am A Test Headline vs. This is a Test Headline Muthaf*ckas!

If I were doing this I would test two completely different pages with completely different copy. Show them both to 100 people or more. If version one gets 0 results and version two earns 1 conversion, then I know version 2 is better.

The next step is to increase conversions. Once you have a baseline for positive results, you build upon those results. Maybe change the headline capitalization, or the bullet point features, or how the main call to action is worded.

Put the original best version and the new version in front of 100 more people and give them a chance to act. If version one gets 1 conversion and version two gets 0 then version 1 is the best. Go back to the drawing board and change something else. Run it again. Version one gets 2 conversions this time, but version two gets 5 conversions. Now you have a new baseline to work from.

Using this process, even the shittiest writer on the planet can be a conversion copywriter.

Now, if the goal is to pass a copywriting exam, or have the ability to recite template headlines, then studying ads and swipe files and old copywriters is NOT action faking. It's the exact right thing to do.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

It starts with research. But research just gives you raw data. If you want your copy to convert you need to empathize with your audience. Not just know their problems or desires but how they feel about those things.

It's not enough to know a teething baby cries. You need to empathize with what that experience is really like from a frustrated, sleep-deprived parent's point of view. What happens in their body when they wake to another scream session in the middle of the night? What do they think to themselves as they stumble out of bed for the third time in two hours - two hours before the alarm goes off? How do they feel emotionally knowing teething might go on for another 2 years? Until you know you won't get me to buy your China import teething ring.

You can't THINK you know. You have to actually know and it requires thinking about their situation, understanding all the working parts and deeply empathizing until you have a clear picture of the world through their eyes.

Brands like Nike don't need extra copy to convert. That's the power of branding. They know their audience so well and have spent so many years anchoring sporty images and high-performance emotions to their brand that less is actually more. If you are Nike's target audience then you don't need writing to remind you who you are, how you want to be seen, what you will feel or why you should buy.

For smaller brands you have to know the audience better than they know their self. Anything less is a shot in the dark at what will move them to action.

Just wanted to ask you. To practice copy writing in the fastest and most efficient way possible should I skip doing research on companies since it will take quite a bit of time and just modify current descriptions?

 

[Bekit]

With the swipe file I do have a folder with my versions of copy it has images I re-wrote, app descriptions I re-wrote, website content that I redesigned. Is this what you mean't by swipe file?

No, your swipe file is typically a collection of copy that other people have written.

1. Grammarly makes sure everything you type is clear, effective and mistake free.
2. Grammarly makes sure that you make no mistakes.
3. Write like a pro with Grammarly, error free.
etc...

I would want these to be spicier. They don't pop... they sound very factual, and they accurately describe Grammarly, but it's not copy that will turn heads.

1. Studies prove the best times to post on social media
2. 9 types of blog posts that will sky rocket your traffic
3. How to be creative when you are feeling lazy
4. How to make your business a magnet by attracting customers with images
5. 43 top headline ideas that gave these posts over 1 million visitors
6. Why your headline sucks and how to fix it

In my opinion, these are weaker than the original headlines that inspired them. I would recommend that before you spend more time rewriting other people's copy, sit down and learn the basic principles behind what works and what doesn't.

Your bullet points are not bad... but they would be even stronger if you had more different types of bullet points in your arsenal. Try signing up for Ben Settle's email list and notice how he writes bullet points. See if you can emulate the principles behind the copy, not just the copy itself.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Nobody in here can give you this answer. There's only one way to find out what works in copy and it isn't by copying ads, rewriting headlines, using templates that people claim worked well for them, or asking an audience that isn't your target prospect if your copy is good. Let me ask you this...is your goal to pass a copywriting exam? Or is it to sell and make money? If it's the former, then keep doing what you're doing and do the whole copying ads bullcrap too.

The ONLY way to get results and improve as a copywriter is via the scientific method:

1) Define your desired outcome - "I would like my audience to do X."
2) Ask a question - "How can I get my audience to do X?"
3) Research - Gather information on your audience and get to know them
4) Hypothesis - "If my audience reads X I think they will respond with Y action."
5) Experiment - Put the copy in front of real prospects and give them a chance to read it.
6) Results - "Did the copy achieve my desired outcome?"
----- If NO: Review procedures and adjust something in your copy, then run another experiment
----- If YES: Analyze the data and draw conclusions
7) If you achieved your desired results, but they weren't as good as you hoped, form a new hypothesis, adjust something and run another experiment.

This is how you get better at copywriting.

Everything else is a class in writing 101- i.e. storytelling, flow and structure, persuasion tactics, grammar... None of that is copywriting. All of it is part of copywriting. That's why I cringe when I hear others say to copy templates and old ads. That doesn't teach you how to get better at copy. It teaches you techniques that MAY or MAY NOT work for your audience.

We can give you our opinions on your writing all day long. But it's just a writing critique at best. If you want to write good copy, you have to study and empathize with your audience, run experiments on that audience, and get real results that tell you 100% for sure if your copy is good or not.

Oh I see, I've been doing it wrong this whole time? lol. Since I don't have a product besides my app. Is there a another way to do this? Thanks for your advice also.

Also my goal is to get good copywriting. Like writing better headlines, writing better body copy, writing better call to actions. But you just made me realize doing what I am doing I can't measure those results, I can't know if they are effective enough unless I have an audience. Is this correct?

 

[Lex DeVille]

Oh I see, I've been doing it wrong this whole time? lol. Since I don't have a product besides my app. Is there a another way to do this? Thanks for your advice also.

Also my goal is to get good copywriting. Like writing better headlines, writing better body copy, writing better call to actions. But you just made me realize doing what I am doing I can't measure those results, I can't know if they are effective enough unless I have an audience. Is this correct?

Yes, that is correct. A "good headline" is a headline that does what it's supposed to do when tested on a real audience. Same for bullets and body copy and CTAs.

This headline structure with certain words capitalized...
John's Catfish Meat Popsickles

is just as good as this headline structure with no words capitalized...
john's catfish meat popsickles

What makes it good is results. Not the structure or technique. The first one works for one audience. The second one works for another. Neither will work as good for the other's audience.

Since I don't have a product besides my app. Is there a another way to do this?

You could hop on one of the freelance sites and pick up some gigs there. Then you could put your skills to the test with real markets. Your clients and the market will give you feedback, and you'll have a chance to write for a variety of audiences that need different delivery and styles.

*edit*
I wouldn't say you've been doing it "wrong." There are things you can learn and takeaway from your method, and even copying ads and headlines method.

You'll still get results, but the results will be that you add techniques to your toolbox rather than learning which tool will get the job done.

 

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[Bekit]

Hey I had a question. So I found a swipe file like you mentioned. Listed here:

https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/johnmulry/The+Ultimate+Headlines+Swipe+File+2017+John+Mulry.pdf

I went to the bullet point section, starts on page : 26. My question is all these bullet points seem like titles or a headline. How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

This is because this particular swipe file consists of headlines only. I didn't see a bullet point section on p. 26, just more headlines. But, as the author pointed out, you could repurpose some of these headlines as bullet points, email subject lines, etc.

If you've read Ray's book, do you remember the 21 bullet point formats that he covered? I haven't really seen you write any bullets that conform to these formats. You want your bullet points to create an "open loop" in the reader's mind and create anticipation for what's coming without actually revealing the thing itself. For instance, here are 5 bullet points I recently wrote for a lead magnet on digital marketing, directed toward small business owners who are looking to hire a digital marketing agency:

"Revealed inside...

• The shocking truth about the difference between how digital marketing agencies market themselves to you versus how they market you to your customers
• The difference between the digital marketing results you are REALLY getting and what you COULD be getting
• SEO Myths that digital marketing agencies use to sell you on a dream (don't fall for these myths, because they make zero difference)
• One simple question to ask that can save you from getting yourself into a devastatingly bad situation for your business
• When you should learn a marketing skill for yourself and when you should outsource it (get this wrong, and you could lose a lot of money, fast)"

Notice that none of these bullets tell you WHAT is inside. You have to read the lead magnet to learn that. And that's the point. It's extra enticement to put in your email address in exchange for the information that you're going to get.

So this is a very different thing than your typical bullet points that you see in factual documents or product descriptions. Copywriting bullet points are called "fascinations" for a reason (because they are meant to stir up fascination and suspense and desire, while concealing the thing that's being promised).

How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

OK, let's say that you're writing bullet points for an online course. You do this:

1. Comb through the course for the biggest, most impactful, most insightful things that will be shared to the paying students. Make a list of them.
2. Then write bullets that "talk around the edges" of these insights without giving away the actual insight. Examples:
   1. Learn the one trick that will [accomplish X result that they want] in only [insanely short time period].
   2. The 7-step process for [getting the life that they want] without [paying the typical cost in time, money, or energy]
   3. My secret method for [thing that most people find hard to do] - most people would never share this, but when you implement this method, it's guaranteed to work for you the same way it works for me.
3. Place these bullets on the sales page for the course, and they will make people go, "oh my goodness, I just have to know what's inside this course!" And if your bullets are good, they will help you boost sales.

(It's probably worth pointing out that good bullets and good headlines alone aren't enough; you also need effective storytelling, the right structure for the page, clear calls to action, etc.)

For product bullet points, you would take a different approach. You would accurately describe the features of the product. Sometimes you would also tie them to a benefit, transformation, or aspiration that the person has. You're not evoking much curiosity here because they see a photo of the item on the page. So your bullet points will tend to be factual. Look at the copy on product descriptions for top-selling brands in the world (e.g. Nike, Apple) and emulate their style for this, except write in the voice & tone of the brand you're writing for. Or, if it's your own product, write it in your own voice & tone.

 

[Bekit]

Oh my goodness... *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause* *applause*

In my opinion, these are a huge step-change from the bullets I was seeing before. Of course, it's all hypothetical... but I saw some really good copy in there. Plus - what a hustle! You didn't do just 5 of each, you doubled it and did 10 of each! In my opinion, just by having done this exercise once, you're going to be significantly better at copy. So let me go through and just add a couple of my comments... take them or leave them if they're not helpful.

10) Coffee in the morning is bad for your heart pressure, right? Wrong! Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart.

Here I would change "Studies prove that one coffee a day is healthy for your heart" to something that conceals what the studies show. So something like "Learn what the most recent studies show, and how much coffee you should drink to optimize your heart health."

· The themed bullet

1) The 10 sleep depriving ideas that are keeping you from waking up effortlessly.

2) The 5 fail-proof ideas that will make you successful.

3) The 3 best times to post on Facebook to get the maximum impact for your business.

4) The 4 ways you are wasting [what?] and not even realizing it.

5) The top 5 items that are chewing your wallet away and how to get your savings back on track.

6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, and why what you are doing is ineffective.

7) Why your New Year’s resolution is a waste of time and what you really should be doing to hit your goals, make impressive strides forward this year, and demolish the obstacles in your way.

8) The 3 deadly excuses that are destroying your life, without you even realizing it.

9) 5 life threatening foods that are greatly shortening your life span.

10) The 2 easy ideas that will rapidly boost your website traffic

For the themed sequence bullet, you'd typically see repeated bullet points that follow the theme that you've laid out. But these all seem to be on different themes. So maybe try taking one of the bullets above and treating it as the "umbrella topic" and then writing multiple bullets on that single theme underneath it.

By the way, if you expand the quote on this one, I made a few minor corrections of spelling & grammar, but there were many small errors & typos throughout the bullet points that I didn't correct. These bullets wouldn't be "publication ready" quite yet. Try using a free service such as Grammarly to catch the majority of these issues. The most frequent error I noticed was using a comma splice. Look up what a comma splice is and try to develop enough understanding so that you can recognize one whenever you see it, and learn all the available options to fix it. Example: This sentence contains a comma splice: "6) The 3 secrets to staying slim all year round, why what you are doing is ineffective."

Minor errors might not kill your copy's effectiveness, but they can act as a distraction, and they can also spell the difference between whether you or someone else gets hired for a job if there are other copywriters competing for the position. That said, don't beat yourself up too much over this. Many, if not most of these bullets are error free.

I also made one suggestion for how you could make one of the bullets stronger by adding some extra copy to it.

· The giveaway bullet

1) A chance to win $500 dollars!
2) The 5 FREE unstoppable tactics that will make you a master salesman

I don't think you've understood the giveaway bullet. It's not a "giveaway" of a prize. It's also not a promise that you will reveal certain tactics for free, but only AFTER they convert.

The giveaway bullet is one where you finally give away an actual insight (instead of concealing it behind teaser copy). It's where you simply give away GREAT, insightful information. You state the secret itself, rather than saying you have a secret and promising you'll reveal it if they take a certain action.

Example: Let's take fastlane/slowlane as the topic.

• Learn the CENTS formula that will instantly allow you to evaluate any business idea on the planet to see if it's a fastlane idea or not. <-- NOT a giveaway bullet

Giveaway bullets: --> Nobody has to read MJ's book to learn the CENTS formula. He is giving it away.
• #1: The Commandment of Control: As an entrepreneur, you want to control your business whereas no one entity can put you into bankruptcy.
• #2: The Commandment of Entry: The more difficult it is to start your business, the better the opportunity you have. The difficulty IS the opportunity.
• #3: The Commandment of Need: Fastlane Entrepreneurs are committed to providing value, fulfilling needs, and satisfying wants because they know it attracts money.
• #4: The Commandment of Time: Your business must be able to detach itself from your time. This is accomplished by creative inventions that exist separate from your time.
• #5: The Commandment of Scale: If you cannot sell 10,000 in one day and are limited in production and/or distribution, you will be limited in the amount of money you can earn.

· The reverse hook bullets

I don't think you've understood the reverse hook bullet either. It is defined as "a bullet that presents, first, an interesting fact, and then presents an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact."

So - let's break that down. First, an interesting fact.
This fact should be something that you could hear on the news, or that you could read on Wikipedia, or that many people could measure and verify and come back with the same result. But it should be interesting. Like...
Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall.
Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol.

Second, an unexpected benefit that arises from that interesting fact. So I'm making these up, but maybe...

• Andrew Carnegie was only 5'2" tall. His life contains a hidden pattern that any shorter guy can use to his advantage, and it has worked for everyone who has tried it.
• Cholesterol-free can be bad for your cholesterol. Why this means you can eat more of the things you love.

· The naked benefit bullet

These are not quite on target, either. The naked benefit bullet is a direct benefit claim that's supported by additional facts. So let's take MJ's books as the subject...examples might be...
• Alter your mindset for life - once you read this book, you'll never be able to go back to your old way of thinking.
• Build wealth faster - thanks to the proven concepts found in this book, you won't waste your time building things that will keep you broke

· The transactional bullet

These are good! The one thing I would have liked to have seen is a couple of bullets that explore other ideas besides just "minutes/hours of time." For instance...(again, these are made up, but...)

• Give up these five foods, and never worry again about getting sick or fat.
• Give me your sleepless nights and “dead moments” where you’re waiting in line, and I’ll hand you back a recipe that optimizes your success and increases your freedom

That's all I have to time to review in this amount of detail, but overall you're doing a fantastic job!

I've also practiced the closing the sale part. I have a question is it a bad idea to use guilt in your copy? Like lets say what you say is true, that the client will regret it if they don't make the changes necessary to change their life.And your program offers the solution to this?

Using guilt in your copy... you can, but should you? Many of the techniques in copywriting can be used for great evil as well as great good. This does not mean that copywriting itself is evil. It's the user who can make a choice of how to wield the power of persuasion. You can either manipulate someone to make a decision that is against their best interest (something I've written about here: Invest in Yourself is a Broad Topic) or you can use your power to motivate that person to do something that is beneficial and good for their lives. I hope you'll commit to only ever using copywriting for good purposes that benefit others.

So let's take the example you brought up. You're writing about a good product, and what you say is true, and the client will regret it if they don't make the changes that will transform their life.

Then it seems fair to use all the motivation and compelling arguments in your power to get them to take action. You could remind of the cost of inactivity. You could remind them of the future benefit that they'll receive if they take action. You could remind them of the pain that they're experiencing because of NOT solving the problem. That doesn't mean you're using guilt. You're just using good arguments.

But let's say that you're writing about a product that is not all that great, and your audience is full of weak, gullible, desperate people, and it's not in their best interest to spend money on the thing that's being sold, and you know that if you sprinkle in a little guilt, you'll get them. Well, that's just slimy.

So - I recommend that you exercise your own moral compass. Be the kind of copywriter who stands for something and won't write the kind of copy that would stop you from sleeping soundly at night. You're wielding a powerful weapon. A strong man's hand can either make a fist and cause destruction, or it can caress an infant's hair. The old saying goes that the pen is mightier than the sword. Wield it wisely.

 

[Lex DeVille]

@Lex DeVille
Lex, for the Udemy Copy, is it really a bad idea to use the above headline? I was under the impression that a company can make multiple ads, all targeted at different audiences.

So if someone were to google 'learn to earn' this Udemy Landing Page would pop up since this page would be targeted at people interested in learning a certain skill to make money.

What am I missing here?

The only thing missing is that the page with that headline isn't a landing page. It's Udemy's homepage. If it were a landing page running ads to a targeted audience who want to make money then it would probably work pretty well.

On that note, "Learn to Earn" still probably won't work well if Udemy is running ads to targeted skills. "Learn to Earn" won't work as well as "Learn to Make Money Copywriting" if they're targeting people who want to make money writing copy.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Why doesn't Udemy already use "Learn to Earn?" Because it doesn't reflect their core audience - people who want to learn for the sake of learning.

Some of those people are short on time. Some aren't. Some want to learn to earn. Some don't. All want to learn for the sake of knowledge or skill aquisition. So the word "Learn" makes sense. "Time" also makes sense because it implies NOW is the time to learn. The subheadline then addresses their biggest objections and emotional justifications for why now is not the time to learn. Time and money.

Hey Lex quick question. Just wondering if I am practicing copy correctly? I re-wrote some app descriptions on the Google play store, I didn't do research but tried to tailor it towards the original but reinforce the benefits of the app and such. Here is what I wrote (keep in mind I purposely avoid the SEO compontent, so not keywords here) :

I also used the AIDA structure

"
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• Leverage your employees to build the talent brand of your company


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[LiveEntrepreneur]

Great Question!
I would take ads on web or print media- Imagine they are your customers and rewrite the ad / copy post it on the forum for feedback with "original" and "your copy", you could possibly get more experience that way. Although it is time consuming, it is worth it.
Pick up some of the famous copy ads (Example: American Express card letters); dissect,understand what they are targetting.
Hope it helps.

Hey I am sorta doing that. What do you think of the LinkedIn app description I rewrote?

 

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[Sampath]

Hey I am sorta doing that. What do you think of the LinkedIn app description I rewrote?

Sorry I missed it. I meant to say PRACTICE, PRACTICE & PRACTICE. I dont see any other way to get better.

Some thoughts /suggestions
(1) "LEARN to EARN"
"Why need a college degree to Earn?"
(2) "Land your dream job"
"Just Answer, dream job knocking your door!!"

 

[Bekit]

Hey Lex quick question. Just wondering if I am practicing copy correctly? I re-wrote some app descriptions on the Google play store, I didn't do research but tried to tailor it towards the original but reinforce the benefits of the app and such. Here is what I wrote (keep in mind I purposely avoid the SEO compontent, so not keywords here) :

Hey LiveEntrepreneur, I've noticed that you're a go getter and an action taker, and I like that about you. Here's the approach that I was taught to practice copywriting. I would not advocate your current approach, as you won't know if your copy is good or bad, so you might be reinforcing bad techniques in your mind rather than eradicating them. What you're doing is just guessing at what may be effective, but it also may NOT be effective. And you won't know unless they actually publish your copy, but if you're writing practice copy for people like Google, no one is going to publish this. So you have no feedback loop. Here's what you can do instead:

1. Copy successful, high-performing ads. Write them out by hand, word-for-word. This trains your brain to begin to see the patterns for effective, high-performing copy.

• What is a successful, high-performing ad? It's one that has typically served as the "control" for a long time. The control is the ad that is currently performing the best to sell a given product or service. Copywriters are constantly writing new ads, trying to get one to perform better than the control. They run a test. For example, half the audience gets the new ad, and half the audience gets the control. They see which ad generates more responses. The control still wins, so the new ad gets thrown out, and the copywriters start over trying to beat the control. An ad that lasts a long time as the control is something that you should emulate to improve your copywriting skills. Don't just emulate ANY ad.
• How do you get access to ads like these? Where do you find data on which ads fit this criteria? Two ways. First, keep your eyes open for what is often called a "Direct Response Swipe File." The direct response copywriters have been testing what works and what doesn't work for much longer than the internet has been around. So a lot of the basic principles of psychology and persuasion have already been uncovered by their long-term testing, and much of what you see on the internet is merely a rehash of what the direct mailing folks were doing all along. All the top copywriters in that space tended to keep a "swipe file" of good ads that they could model and use for inspiration. Second, look at the brands that have enough money to do a lot of testing. Find their landing pages. One way to do this for any industry is to type in some of the top keywords that indicate buying intent, look at the Google Adwords ads that the largest companies in your space are running, and then click on the ads to see what kind of landing page they go to. Look at their headline copy. Study their bullet points. Find out what customer pain points they're speaking to. Notice what kind of aspirations they're tapping into. Pay attention to what kind of language they're using. (Is it highbrow, posh, super polished language? Or is it common, everyday-speak? Or is it borderline crude/vulgar? They're using this kind of language for a reason, because the target audience uses it.) Take the ads that stand out to you and add them to your own swipe file. (Start a swipe file now if you haven't already).

2. Write out 100 headlines for a single product. Use a handful of proven headline "formulas" to create your headlines. Make sure you incorporate strong emotion words in your headlines. The headline should make a big promise while evoking curiosity. One place where you can get different headline formulas is simply by googling terms like "Copywriting formulas for headlines" and you'll get lots of results.

3. Write out 100 bullet points for a single product. Again, use proven "formulas" to construct your bullet points. Part of the discipline of copywriting is being creative within a structure. You never want to write from scratch if you can help it. I learned to write bullet points from Ray Edwards' book, "How to Write Copy that Sells," which includes 21 different bullet point formulas with examples. You write 5 bullet points for each type and at the end you'll have 105 bullets. By just doing this exercise ONCE, you'll become significantly better at writing enticing, compelling copy. How fast could you get good at copywriting by doing it repeatedly?

4. Go through your list of headlines and bullet points. Pick the best 10-15 of each. Then post them in this thread (preferably with some context about what product they're for) and I think you'll get some more constructive feedback on your copywriting. (Please post them as text, not as images. It's very hard to tell what you've written in image format.)

Hope this helps!

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

No, your swipe file is typically a collection of copy that other people have written.


I would want these to be spicier. They don't pop... they sound very factual, and they accurately describe Grammarly, but it's not copy that will turn heads.


In my opinion, these are weaker than the original headlines that inspired them. I would recommend that before you spend more time rewriting other people's copy, sit down and learn the basic principles behind what works and what doesn't.

Your bullet points are not bad... but they would be even stronger if you had more different types of bullet points in your arsenal. Try signing up for Ben Settle's email list and notice how he writes bullet points. See if you can emulate the principles behind the copy, not just the copy itself.

Thanks for the feedback I really appreciate that. I have been working on more bullet points I have done about 75 re edits so far. I'll be posting later if you're interesting in checking them about.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

So this is my bullets points, I took the courses from Udemy and tried to make them better. Here it will show the old bullet points and my ones which are the new ones.

These courses were based maily on business, entrepreneurship, marketing.



Marketing course
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OLD TEXT

• Reach 1,000,000 people with your marketing AND BEYOND
• Get ahead of your competitors with creative SEO strategies like voice SEO for 2019
• Top social media marketing strategies to grow your business and brand yourself and your business as an authority
• Get publicity and press coverage from large publications, radio shows and podcasts to reach a broad audience
• Join my office hours and get personal help from me
• Increase the sales conversion rate of your site visitors for immediate revenue boost

NEW

· Reach well over 1 million people with the best marketing strategies

· Turn your competitors to dust with unbelievably powerful SEO strategies

· Social media strategies that the pro’s use, learn how to accelerate your business.

· Get massive coverage from the press like New York times, Inc magazine.

· Rocket boost your sales conversion rate and immediately boost your revenue

· Find out why your competitors are crushing you and how to fix it

· Turn visitors into immediate buyers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another marketing course

OLD BELOW

What you'll learn

• Increase your sales conversion rate with more effective sales pages
• Sell more within hours or days of taking the course
• Learn major sales tactics professional sales people and large companies use
• Create a much more engaging home page that gets more people into your sales funnel
• Boost SEO on Amazon, other eCommerce sites or your own site through higher conversions and click-throughs

NEW BELOW

· Make unbelievably effective sales pages, that skyrockets your conversion rate.

· Boost your sales IMMEDIATELY.

· Learn the sales tactics that billion-dollar companies use to make billions.

· Suck your visitors into your home page with an irresistible offer.

· Learn to make a ground-breaking SEO strategy that will boost your Amazon, or any other eCommerce site sales.

· Learn the game changing strategies that will transform your business into a money machine.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Online business course

OLD BELOW


· Learn a variety of the best online business ideas that you can start today in order to develop a residual income

· Understand the economic dynamics of money and how to use them to create a supplemental passive income
· Learn how to use the secret tools you need for long term passive income success
· How to keep the right mindset to suit the passive income lifestyle working from home


NEW BELOW


· Find the most sustainable online business ideas, that will set you for life.

· Find the secret formula to making money in your sleep

· Learn the secret tools that no one told you about to make passive income

· Work from home, work when you want, no alarm clocks.

· Make easy money doing fun and exciting work.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entrepreneur
ship course
OLD BELOW

· Make confident decisions securing your success as an entrepreneur

· You'll learn how to recognise negative self limiting beliefs and eradicate them forever
· You'll no longer procrastinate or waste precious time
· Overcome emotional, psychological and physical blocks preventing you from becoming successful

· Apply practical tools to get your business off the ground and successful

· Take your business to a higher level and enjoy your success


NEW BELOW


· Learn to save a TON of time by learning how to make the right decisions

· Eliminate procrastinate forever and become a go-getter

· Learn how to destroy any negative beliefs you have about yourself.

· Make your business soar to the sky and achieve financial freedom quicker than ever

· Learn the secret tools that puts you ahead of the game

· Overcome ANY sort of blocks that prevent you from becoming successful.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copywriting course

OLD BELOW

· Structure and write compelling sales copy

· Apply the power of emotional drivers, even when writing in a B2B environment
· Beat run-of-the-mill writers who focus on 'needs
· Write powerful calls to action

· Understand how to leverage features, benefits and advantages

· Craft professional press releases that get published

· Know how to become a Voice in their Industry

· Understand how to schmooze bloggers and the press to get published

· Interview end customers with confidence to create persuasive case studies

· Use the power of words to generate more sales leads

· Glean from a wealth of real-life examples

· Master White Papers - the most powerful way to generate sales leads bar none



NEW BELOW

· Write highly effective copy

· Learn the tricks that the pros to put themselves ahead of the game

· Write irresistible calls to action

· Create amazing press releases that get published

· Avoid the pitfalls that most copywriters fall into and save yourself a ton of time

· Become a known authority figure in your brand

· Learn to seduce bloggers to publish your content

· Use POWER WORDS to ramp up your sales

· Learn from real life examples that will make you a better copywriter

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copywriting course

OLD BELOW


· Get more people to take action after reading your words

· Persuade colleagues to agree with your ideas
· Compel your readers to click, buy or share
· Never worry about “blank page anxiety” again

· Sell more stuff (without feeling like a greaseball!)

· Grow a lifelong passion for words and language

NEW BELOW

· Suck people into your text and persuade them to buy

· Convince people to agree with your ideas

· Make irresistible offers that your customers can’t refuse

· Sell without being a sleazy salesman!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copywriting course

OLD BELOW

What you'll learn

• Improve conversion rate of online product sales
• Write copy that builds trust and engages customers

NEW BELOW

· Ramp up your conversion rate of your online products

· Write copy that turns visitors into buyers and into return buyers

· Write an irresistible offer that makes customers fork out their wallets

· Learn the shortcuts that will immediately improve your copywriting


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sales course

OLD BELOW


· CREATE Optimal Mindset For Sales Success so that you stop making unconscious mistakes and more naturally do things that lead to more sales

· UNCOVER What Your Prospects Actually WANT to Buy so that selling becomes easier and more enjoyable
· DISCOVER Your Ideal and Most Profitable next Clients so that you waste less time pitching the wrong people
· SELL the way your prospects naturally buy so that you encounter less resistance and close more sales

· ESTABLISH a Rock Solid Sales Process so you can consistently make sales and always know what to do next

· DETERMINE which metrics to pay attention to so you know how to create maximum improvement with the least amount of effort

· USE peak performance secrets so that you can exponentially grow your sales skills and income

· UNDERSTAND your prospect's true mind so that you can deliver a razor sharp sales message and avoid turning your prospect off



NEW BELOW



· Revolutionize your mindset – Learn the mindset you need to put yourself ahead of every other salesperson.

· Find out what your prospects actually WANT, so you can boost your sales

· Discover your most profitable client so that you can extract as much money as possible, with the least amount of time.

· Learn to convince your customers to make quick buying decisions.

· Establish a proven sales strategy that will skyrocket your sales system.

· Find exactly which metrics you need to focus on to get the maximum results in the least amount of time.

· Understand your prospects real motives so that you can send the perfect message that will persuade him or her to buy.

· Learn the performance enhancement secrets that will explode your personal growth in sales

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sales course

OLD BELOW

· SELL the way your prospects actually buy...not the way they say they buy

· TURN prospect interest into a buyer's commitment
· INFLUENCE your prospect's even when you're not around
· UNCOVER your prospect's true questions, concerns and objections quickly

· CREATE buying moods in your prospect in a couple minutes

· BUILD rapport quickly using an underutilized technique

· CRAFT vivid and compelling presentations that deeply influence

· MOTIVATE your prospects to buy right now by tapping into the hidden engines of decision making

· CONVERT objections into agreement

· REMOVE buyer's remorse and reduce refunds

· AVOID unnecessary stalling and hesitation in your prospects

NEW BELOW

· Learn the right words to say, so that your customers instantly buy from you.

· Turn thinkers into immediate buyers

· Make your customers buy, even when you aren’t there!

· Learn how to effortlessly handle any objections

· Change your prospects mood into a buying mood.

· Build trust immediately using secret techniques

· Create convincing presentations that build immediate confidence

· Motivate your prospects to buy immediately without pressuring them

· Convert objections agreement then into buying decisions

· Eliminate buyer’s remorse, refunds and generate repeat customers

· Remove any hesitations or stalling from your prospects

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entrepreneur ship online business course

OLD Below

· Understand the principles of a successful business

· Have everything in place to begin, tools, etc
· Understand why a basic site is important

· Understand how Affiliate Marketing works and benefits your business

· Understand Adsense, how to use/implement it, have it setup, etc.

· Understand how to create emails and email campaigns within an email marketing account

· Create an info product based on planning and your interest, passion, etc.

· Complete site build out with WordPress, understand and implement more advanced WordPress setup and config

· Learn to publish your product

· Create a marketing plan and begin executing it

· Principles of scaling a business and a plan for executing it

· Have an understanding of how to identify and research their niche
· Understand how to formulate an effective and thorough plan
· Understand marketing basics, tools, resources and begin researching best channels to market in
· How to manage customers and have a plan in place

NEW BELOW

· Learn what makes a business successful so you can get the same success

· Get immediate access to the tools that you need to succeed

· Learn why a basic site is important to success

· Learn to make an unlimited amount of money with affiliate marketing

· Learn to use AdSense to immediately increase traffic to your business

· Learn to create emails that get everyone talking about your business

· Create an info product based on planning and doing what you love

· Learn how to effortlessly set up a WordPress website that will be crucial to your success.

· Learn to publish your product

· Create a winning marketing plan that makes you money in your sleep

· Create a plan to scale your business that will bring you massive revenue

· Learn how to quickly identify your target market

· Learn how to make the perfect plan for your business that puts you ahead of the game

· Learn the marketing basics that you need to become a massive success

· How to deal with customers and get them to keep buying from you
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

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[Bearcorp]

It starts with research. But research just gives you raw data. If you want your copy to convert you need to empathize with your audience. Not just know their problems or desires but how they feel about those things.

It's not enough to know a teething baby cries. You need to empathize with what that experience is really like from a frustrated, sleep-deprived parent's point of view. What happens in their body when they wake to another scream session in the middle of the night? What do they think to themselves as they stumble out of bed for the third time in two hours - two hours before the alarm goes off? How do they feel emotionally knowing teething might go on for another 2 years? Until you know you won't get me to buy your China import teething ring.

You can't THINK you know. You have to actually know and it requires thinking about their situation, understanding all the working parts and deeply empathizing until you have a clear picture of the world through their eyes.

Brands like Nike don't need extra copy to convert. That's the power of branding. They know their audience so well and have spent so many years anchoring sporty images and high-performance emotions to their brand that less is actually more. If you are Nike's target audience then you don't need writing to remind you who you are, how you want to be seen, what you will feel or why you should buy.

For smaller brands you have to know the audience better than they know their self. Anything less is a shot in the dark at what will move them to action.

Anyone learning or writing copy needs to understand this, well said @Lex DeVille

 

[Sampath]

Yes, that is correct. A "good headline" is a headline that does what it's supposed to do when tested on a real audience. Same for bullets and body copy and CTAs.

This headline structure with certain words capitalized...
John's Catfish Meat Popsickles

is just as good as this headline structure with no words capitalized...
john's catfish meat popsickles

What makes it good is results. Not the structure or technique. The first one works for one audience. The second one works for another. Neither will work as good for the other's audience.



You could hop on one of the freelance sites and pick up some gigs there. Then you could put your skills to the test with real markets. Your clients and the market will give you feedback, and you'll have a chance to write for a variety of audiences that need different delivery and styles.

Another possibility could be:
Since you are in Australia, try selling your unused stuff on gumtree / ebay where you have to put ads, that way, you can get test your copy; as long as it sells and you make money....you can adjust as you go.

 

[Sampath]

A good copywriter isn't good at writing for every audience. What makes a good copywriter is a willingness to research, experiment, and make adjustments based on results until the copy achieves the desired outcome, one audience at a time.

I love that Lex. It is so true!
My copy could be with excellent English language & grammatically correct; unfortunately if it does not resonate /connect with the audience emotionally and does not get them to do what the copy is intended to then it is absolutely of no value!..

Also my view is that probably - the good guidance books gets the reader to copy paste some templates to get started; most of the times reader forgets to adjust & learn as they go and expect it to work as a copy & paste solution straight from the guru - even I have done that mistake in the past; but learnt it the hard way, at least "late than never".

Some of the guru make this an excuse to squeeze money from the buyers offering "copy & paste" marketing - which I don't agree is real copywriting training.

Experience - plan, do , check, act - simple cycle is forgotten and human tendency is to get it right first time.
Thanks for all your advice on @LiveEntrepreneurs copy', I have learnt heaps as well.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

Hey LiveEntrepreneur, I've noticed that you're a go getter and an action taker, and I like that about you. Here's the approach that I was taught to practice copywriting. I would not advocate your current approach, as you won't know if your copy is good or bad, so you might be reinforcing bad techniques in your mind rather than eradicating them. What you're doing is just guessing at what may be effective, but it also may NOT be effective. And you won't know unless they actually publish your copy, but if you're writing practice copy for people like Google, no one is going to publish this. So you have no feedback loop. Here's what you can do instead:

1. Copy successful, high-performing ads. Write them out by hand, word-for-word. This trains your brain to begin to see the patterns for effective, high-performing copy.

• What is a successful, high-performing ad? It's one that has typically served as the "control" for a long time. The control is the ad that is currently performing the best to sell a given product or service. Copywriters are constantly writing new ads, trying to get one to perform better than the control. They run a test. For example, half the audience gets the new ad, and half the audience gets the control. They see which ad generates more responses. The control still wins, so the new ad gets thrown out, and the copywriters start over trying to beat the control. An ad that lasts a long time as the control is something that you should emulate to improve your copywriting skills. Don't just emulate ANY ad.
• How do you get access to ads like these? Where do you find data on which ads fit this criteria? Two ways. First, keep your eyes open for what is often called a "Direct Response Swipe File." The direct response copywriters have been testing what works and what doesn't work for much longer than the internet has been around. So a lot of the basic principles of psychology and persuasion have already been uncovered by their long-term testing, and much of what you see on the internet is merely a rehash of what the direct mailing folks were doing all along. All the top copywriters in that space tended to keep a "swipe file" of good ads that they could model and use for inspiration. Second, look at the brands that have enough money to do a lot of testing. Find their landing pages. One way to do this for any industry is to type in some of the top keywords that indicate buying intent, look at the Google Adwords ads that the largest companies in your space are running, and then click on the ads to see what kind of landing page they go to. Look at their headline copy. Study their bullet points. Find out what customer pain points they're speaking to. Notice what kind of aspirations they're tapping into. Pay attention to what kind of language they're using. (Is it highbrow, posh, super polished language? Or is it common, everyday-speak? Or is it borderline crude/vulgar? They're using this kind of language for a reason, because the target audience uses it.) Take the ads that stand out to you and add them to your own swipe file. (Start a swipe file now if you haven't already).

2. Write out 100 headlines for a single product. Use a handful of proven headline "formulas" to create your headlines. Make sure you incorporate strong emotion words in your headlines. The headline should make a big promise while evoking curiosity. One place where you can get different headline formulas is simply by googling terms like "Copywriting formulas for headlines" and you'll get lots of results.

3. Write out 100 bullet points for a single product. Again, use proven "formulas" to construct your bullet points. Part of the discipline of copywriting is being creative within a structure. You never want to write from scratch if you can help it. I learned to write bullet points from Ray Edwards' book, "How to Write Copy that Sells," which includes 21 different bullet point formulas with examples. You write 5 bullet points for each type and at the end you'll have 105 bullets. By just doing this exercise ONCE, you'll become significantly better at writing enticing, compelling copy. How fast could you get good at copywriting by doing it repeatedly?

4. Go through your list of headlines and bullet points. Pick the best 10-15 of each. Then post them in this thread (preferably with some context about what product they're for) and I think you'll get some more constructive feedback on your copywriting. (Please post them as text, not as images. It's very hard to tell what you've written in image format.)

Hope this helps!

Hey I had a question. So I found a swipe file like you mentioned. Listed here:

https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/johnmulry/The+Ultimate+Headlines+Swipe+File+2017+John+Mulry.pdf

I went to the bullet point section, starts on page : 26. My question is all these bullet points seem like titles or a headline. How do these work when it comes to for example an online course? Or even describing a product? Am I missing something?

 

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[Hijena1]

Nobody in here can give you this answer. There's only one way to find out what works in copy and it isn't by copying ads, rewriting headlines, using templates that people claim worked well for them, or asking an audience that isn't your target prospect if your copy is good. Let me ask you this...is your goal to pass a copywriting exam? Or is it to sell and make money? If it's the former, then keep doing what you're doing and do the whole copying ads bullcrap too.

The ONLY way to get results and improve as a copywriter is via the scientific method:

1) Define your desired outcome - "I would like my audience to do X."
2) Ask a question - "How can I get my audience to do X?"
3) Research - Gather information on your audience and get to know them
4) Hypothesis - "If my audience reads X I think they will respond with Y action."
5) Experiment - Put the copy in front of real prospects and give them a chance to read it.
6) Results - "Did the copy achieve my desired outcome?"
----- If NO: Review procedures and adjust something in your copy, then run another experiment
----- If YES: Analyze the data and draw conclusions
7) If you achieved your desired results, but they weren't as good as you hoped, form a new hypothesis, adjust something and run another experiment.

This is how you get better at copywriting.

Everything else is a class in writing 101- i.e. storytelling, flow and structure, persuasion tactics, grammar... None of that is copywriting. All of it is part of copywriting. That's why I cringe when I hear others say to copy templates and old ads. That doesn't teach you how to get better at copy. It teaches you techniques that MAY or MAY NOT work for your audience.

We can give you our opinions on your writing all day long. But it's just a writing critique at best. If you want to write good copy, you have to study and empathize with your audience, run experiments on that audience, and get real results that tell you 100% for sure if your copy is good or not.

Just wow Lex, thank you for this Gold.
This is something everybody should know. I've got the feeling that everything else is action faking?

 

[Bekit]

Just ran across something on the forum that you can add to your swipe file... A very generous user shared seven downloadable resources that you can check out here:

Copywriting Mastermind Group 2016

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

This is because this particular swipe file consists of headlines only. I didn't see a bullet point section on p. 26, just more headlines. But, as the author pointed out, you could repurpose some of these headlines as bullet points, email subject lines, etc.

If you've read Ray's book, do you remember the 21 bullet point formats that he covered? I haven't really seen you write any bullets that conform to these formats. You want your bullet points to create an "open loop" in the reader's mind and create anticipation for what's coming without actually revealing the thing itself. For instance, here are 5 bullet points I recently wrote for a lead magnet on digital marketing, directed toward small business owners who are looking to hire a digital marketing agency:

"Revealed inside...

• The shocking truth about the difference between how digital marketing agencies market themselves to you versus how they market you to your customers
• The difference between the digital marketing results you are REALLY getting and what you COULD be getting
• SEO Myths that digital marketing agencies use to sell you on a dream (don't fall for these myths, because they make zero difference)
• One simple question to ask that can save you from getting yourself into a devastatingly bad situation for your business
• When you should learn a marketing skill for yourself and when you should outsource it (get this wrong, and you could lose a lot of money, fast)"

Notice that none of these bullets tell you WHAT is inside. You have to read the lead magnet to learn that. And that's the point. It's extra enticement to put in your email address in exchange for the information that you're going to get.

So this is a very different thing than your typical bullet points that you see in factual documents or product descriptions. Copywriting bullet points are called "fascinations" for a reason (because they are meant to stir up fascination and suspense and desire, while concealing the thing that's being promised).



OK, let's say that you're writing bullet points for an online course. You do this:

1. Comb through the course for the biggest, most impactful, most insightful things that will be shared to the paying students. Make a list of them.
2. Then write bullets that "talk around the edges" of these insights without giving away the actual insight. Examples:
   1. Learn the one trick that will [accomplish X result that they want] in only [insanely short time period].
   2. The 7-step process for [getting the life that they want] without [paying the typical cost in time, money, or energy]
   3. My secret method for [thing that most people find hard to do] - most people would never share this, but when you implement this method, it's guaranteed to work for you the same way it works for me.
3. Place these bullets on the sales page for the course, and they will make people go, "oh my goodness, I just have to know what's inside this course!" And if your bullets are good, they will help you boost sales.

(It's probably worth pointing out that good bullets and good headlines alone aren't enough; you also need effective storytelling, the right structure for the page, clear calls to action, etc.)

For product bullet points, you would take a different approach. You would accurately describe the features of the product. Sometimes you would also tie them to a benefit, transformation, or aspiration that the person has. You're not evoking much curiosity here because they see a photo of the item on the page. So your bullet points will tend to be factual. Look at the copy on product descriptions for top-selling brands in the world (e.g. Nike, Apple) and emulate their style for this, except write in the voice & tone of the brand you're writing for. Or, if it's your own product, write it in your own voice & tone.

Thanks so much for your wealth of information. i appreciate the in depth information. Ill read that book again and try implement those bullet points. Thanks for those great examples its giving me a good idea of the type of things to write.

 

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[Bekit]

I

I tried to practice the giveaway bullet but having problems with it. Before I write more was wondering if I am on the right track? Also (update) did the reverse hook bullet and the naked benefit.

Giveaway bullet



1) Copywriting is the secret weapon that people use to become millionaires. Learn how you can also become the next copywriting millionaire, without busting your a$$ off.

2) The stock market won’t make you rich, but starting a Fastlane business will. Learn for free how to become a millionaire.

3) Passive income in the secret to becoming a millionaire today. Learn what you can do today to live the life of your dreams.

4) Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps.

5) Yes, real estate will make you rich over 30 years, but a Fastlane business will make you rich in less than 10 years. What is your choice?






Reverse hook bullet

1) Having bad grades means you will perform poorly in school. But it does not dictate your future, as you can change whenever you like.

2) If you are lazy then you tend to get less done. This is great as you simplify your life through efficiency.

3) Workaholics tend to burn themselves out quickly. Learn why being a workaholic is great for your work ethic, and why you will succeed

4) Thomas Edison made 10,000 attempts before he was successful. Learn why failure is a beautiful thing and why you should embrace it.

5) Coke is one of the worst foods for your health. Though it cleans rust like a champ. Learn how to maintain your home with coke.




Naked benefit bullet

1) How to make millions while still in bed and taking no risk!

2) How to run a successful eCommerce business and make millions without ANY inventory.

3) How to effortlessly fall asleep without the need of any supplements.

4) Make money immediately with ASO. Learn the secrets to nailing your app store listing.

5) Learn how to learn rapidly – After reading this book you would have wished that you discovered it 10 years ago.

Your reverse hook bullets look good. I like how you came up with some counter-intuitive topics there. Nice job.

Your naked benefit bullets also look good.

Your giveaway bullets still aren't giving anything away. Let's take this one as an example and break it down:

"Guru’s don’t care about you, but they do care about your wallet. Learn to stop falling for the guru traps."

Does this reveal or conceal what the guru traps are? It conceals it. You know that there ARE guru traps out there, but you don't know how to stop falling for them just by reading the bullet. A giveaway bullet would actually reveal the ways to stop falling for the traps.

Maybe a series of giveaway bullets on this topic would be...

• Trap #1: Fake gurus share what worked for them, but they did it years ago, before the market was saturated. Don't expect that following their methods will work equally well in a crowded market.
• Trap #2: Fake gurus show you screenshots of their income, but they don't show you how much they spent to get those screenshots. People with deep pockets can spend thousands of dollars on facebook ads or google adwords, and then show you climactic results that people on a tiny budget could never attain.
• Trap #3: Fake gurus promise that "anybody can do this, even without an idea or any expertise." But the truth is that in order to make money in business, you need to solve a business problem, and most gurus will never help their clients to come up with a high-quality, money-making idea, because that's a lot of hard work.

Think of the giveaway bullet as just "sharing the facts" or as "spilling the beans" - you're giving away a little piece of what you could legitimately save for your paid product, but you're revealing it ahead of time. Part of the point is to make people think to themselves, "If what they're giving away is this good, then what kind of gold must they have in the paid product?" and that incentivizes the purchase.

 

[LiveEntrepreneur]

So I been practicing copywriting and was looking to get feedback if I could improve my copy some how. Keep in mind the way I practiced was just making headlines which I thought would grab more attention. I recently read that before you do any of that stuff you need to know who your audience is. Does that mean before I start changing any copy I should be researching the target audience for these companies?

Anyways this is my copy:

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

Why doesn't Udemy already use "Learn to Earn?" Because it doesn't reflect their core audience - people who want to learn for the sake of learning.

Some of those people are short on time. Some aren't. Some want to learn to earn. Some don't. All want to learn for the sake of knowledge or skill aquisition. So the word "Learn" makes sense. "Time" also makes sense because it implies NOW is the time to learn. The subheadline then addresses their biggest objections and emotional justifications for why now is not the time to learn. Time and money.

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.

 

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[LiveEntrepreneur]

Not sure if I'm understanding correctly, but the fastest way to write copy is just to write it. The most efficient way is to understand your audience first. Otherwise you'll just end up with a lot of revisions. I'm not sure what you mean by "modify current descriptions." I don't know who you're writing for or what you're writing (need context).

When I started I didn't spend much time on audience. I just wrote copy. The client either liked it and used it, or they didn't like it and requested changes or their money back. Anything you write for a company can be considered "copy." If you want that copy to get a response, you need to understand, and empathize with the audience.

That makes sense. Thanks, i know what to do now.

 

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