JAJT
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The biggest problem with all these emails is that it sounds corporate. You don't want to sound corporate. You want to sound human.
Type like you talk.
If this were me I'd likely try something that started with this:
Subject: FYI (website issues)
Body:
Hey there,
Not sure if you knew this but your website has some problems that you might want to consider looking into. I spent 2-3 minutes looking around and found:
- It doesn't work well on mobile phones, at all (which is how most people browse the web these days)
- It doesn't adjust properly when you resize the screen
- It's hard to read on new monitors
- It looks really, really dated compared to some of your competitors (check out these guys: www-competitor-com)
I actually do web design as a living so I figured I'd reach out and let you know there's serious room for dead-easy (and affordable) improvement. Take a look at what I threw together quickly for you for free: (photo)
I could do your entire page like that for about $800. That price also includes making it look like this on mobile phones: (photo)
Is that something you'd be interested in?
Type like you talk.
If this were me I'd likely try something that started with this:
Subject: FYI (website issues)
Body:
Hey there,
Not sure if you knew this but your website has some problems that you might want to consider looking into. I spent 2-3 minutes looking around and found:
- It doesn't work well on mobile phones, at all (which is how most people browse the web these days)
- It doesn't adjust properly when you resize the screen
- It's hard to read on new monitors
- It looks really, really dated compared to some of your competitors (check out these guys: www-competitor-com)
I actually do web design as a living so I figured I'd reach out and let you know there's serious room for dead-easy (and affordable) improvement. Take a look at what I threw together quickly for you for free: (photo)
I could do your entire page like that for about $800. That price also includes making it look like this on mobile phones: (photo)
Is that something you'd be interested in?