My Darkest Days

[Supa]

@Vigilante asked me in another thread (this one) if I'd like to dive deeper into the story I told in that thread. That's what I want to do now in here.

What follows is a personal story, that I'd like to share with you guys. Vig's comment to my post in the above mentioned thread made me realise that, in his words I got quite a compelling story to tell. And even if I never really thought of it this way, his words made me think that there's at least a handful of lessons that can be learnt from my story. Lessons that I'd love if you could learn without having to go through the same situation that I had to.

I hope that nobody of you will ever experience something similar, because it was a pretty f*cked up time. That's probably the main reason why I think I should tell it. Learn from the mistakes and experiences of others, and your chances of avoiding those mistakes and experiences is a lot higher.

Before I start I'd like to put a little disclaimer here, especially for those who do not know me or some of my posts on here. I'm not running a successful business yet, so please do not expect this story as a success story. Sorry for the spoiler, but this story doesn't end with success, its end is rather a beginning, the beginning of my journey to the Fastlane.

Alright.

Let me take you back to early February 2014.

It's Monday. Probably around 5:30pm and I was just coming home after a normal day at the job. While parking my car in front of our house I noticed that no one seems to be at home, since not one car was there. That's odd. But never mind, they're probably just at the grocery store or at friends.

I don't know why, but when I entered the house, something seemed off. It was just not like it usually is. I tried to call my mom. Nothing. Then my dad. Nothing. Finally my younger brother (1 year younger). Again, nothing. Ok, that's definitely strange. Then I notice some kind of document laying where we usually store letters and stuff before opening them. I take that piece of paper and see that it's a recipe or some other document from our doctor send to my younger brother.

Not sure how it's in the US, but in Germany the doctor doesn't write the reason for a medicament or for an illness on a recipe, the doctors write some type of code on it for the health insurances. But thanks to Google it's not too hard to find out the meaning of the code.

A bit nervous, but I type that code into Google.

After it loads the page and shows me the first search results my stomach turns. I checked if I typed those letters and numbers correctly into the search engine. Nope, no typos. There it stands.

That code stands for the Aids virus. Shit. That's why no one's at home, they are at the doctor with my brother.

Immediately my memory starts to kick in and it hits me like a wall: my brother made a dumb decision while on vacation last year, and was afraid of being infected with HIV. I knew that he told me, that he's gonna do a test to make sure he's not infected. I remember laughing at him, because his worries were not really serious, based on the story he told (I gonna spare you this story..)

F*ck! I thought to myself. My little brother. Aids. No! That can't be true. Can it?!

Thoughts ran through my mind. How long until he shows the first signs of it? He's finally found a great girlfriend just a month or so earlier, will she stay with him? What effects will it have on his life? How long will he... No! I don't want to believe that! My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar sound. My phone rang. I ran to it, saw my brother's name on the display and without letting him talk asked him if everything's ok?!

My brother said no..

I didn't let him end his sentence and asked him if that Aids test really came out positive?

"My.. Wait, what?" my brother responded. I asked him about the document I found on the table.

"Oh, nah that's just the application to MAKE that test, NOT the results of the test.."

HOLY SHIT. That felt like the weight of an elephant being removed from my stomach. I was relieved.. Until I remembered the beginning of the conversation: "everything ok?" - "no.." I asked where the hell they are, when they're not at the doctor.

My brother started to cry. He told me that it was our house. I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. I just asked "what?!" He told me that our dad lied, and that it is our house. I still had no idea what he meant. "What the F*ck does that mean?!"

His next sentence gave me chills down my spine.

I feel like I need to make a quick cut here to give you some background information before we jump right back into where we left this story.​

My dad owned his own local business. We weren't rich, but also not poor, I would say mediocre describes it pretty good. There were always some bad months income wise, that's probably why no one of us really questioned the reasons behind our internet provider disconnecting our internet every few months, or why my dad always "forgot" to order new pellets (for the heating system of our house), or when my mom's phone provider disconnected her service again.​

In hindsight it may seem so obvious. But if you do not expect anything like that, you somehow just seem to oversee it or tell yourself that it's just a bad phase again. But the last few months been kinda extreme. Afterwards we all admitted that we were trusting my dad too blindly. My mom used to do the office work for my dad's company, but somehow he convinced her that he'll manage that himself so she doesn't have to work so much after her job. From that point on my mom had no overview over the company incomes, paid bills, and so on. My mom trusted my dad blindly. Who can blame her, my dad got this company for more than 10 years and everything went just fine.​

Whenever my mom had worries or asked my dad if everything's ok, he would get pretty offensive (not physical) and talked my mom down until she stopped asking him.​

Something was odd in those last few months leading up to February 2014. My parents used to be out in our garden all day on the weekends to plant something or build our plateau. Our house was their life work, they put so much effort into making it as awesome as possible. My parents took a loan to build that house, if I remember it right the price to build this house and everythign involved was around 280k (pretty normal for Germany.) But those last few months, even in the late summer days, where it's optimal to work in the garden, my dad didn't have any interest in doing so. We didn't notice this back then, only afterwards.​

Anyway, remember my brother's words? "It was our house." Well like I later discovered, the weekend right before this story starts, my parents had our neighbours over for dinner. While I was on the road with friends the whole weekend, my brother took part in the dinner. One of the neighbours told the group that there's a house listed for foreclosure in our street, and since that street is not that long (probably 18 houses) we should know the one. While everyone was like "F*ck, that's just sad.." my dad acted completely normal. He acted like always.​

When my mom asked him if that's our house, he told her "no it isn't honey."​

Alright. Back to where we left the story, on that day in February, with my brother on the phone.

"It is our house." my brother said. Without knowing what happened last weekend, I asked him what he meant, he told me that our house was listed for foreclosure. The date of the foreclosure was set to March 16. In 1 and a half months we will be without a home.

"I.. ahm.. what does that mea.." I couldn't get one real sentence out. After a few seconds I asked him what about our mom? Does she know it? Where is she? Is everything ok with her? My bro told me that he just drove my mom to her friend, her friend is also her boss and lives next to my mom's workplace (she's a hairdresser). Before I could ask more, my brother told me that he will get home soon and explain everything, but he gotta drive carefully now.

I couldn't get one thought right. I tried to call my mom again, this time she responded. I could hear how weak and sad her voice was in her "hello?" I asked her if she's ok, she told me that nothing's ok, she said "no Dominik, nothing is ok.. He just lied about everything, now they will take away everything from us.." I could hear her crying after she finished that sentence. The conversationwasn't too long, since my mom broke down after every few words, I told her that Denis (my brother) will get home soon so he can tell me everything. She should stay at her friend for the night. Then we ended the phone call.

After that I tried to reach my dad and he finally answered my call aswell. His voice didn't sound better than my mom's. I asked him what happened and he said that he f*cked up. I wanted to know what he did, but he just told me that he needs to be on his own now, he said "sorry, but I just can't right now.." then he ended that call.

There I stood.

Phone in my hand, face whiter than the wall behind me. My head felt empty, empty of any clear thoughts.

I went downstairs to my room (in the basement) and called my girlfriend via FaceTime. I had the energy to tell her what had happened, before I broke down crying.

My GF (via FaceTime) and me just sat there and talked about the whole situation. She told me that I gotta be strong now, that I know that my mom, understandable, is completely broken now. My brother probably too, and my dad caused this all and is not at home.

She was right.

It was up to me to hold this shit together or at least make my family hold it together. There's time to cry and to be sad, but that time can't be now, because it wouldn't help us.

While talking the connection suddenly got disconnected. Damn, f*cking FaceTime. Not now! I thought, since that happened way too often back then. I tried to call her again. Nothing. That was when I noticed that my phone was no longer connected with the WiFi, the whole (small) town we lived in had almost no reception on my phone, so without WiFi I was pretty much F*cked.

I went into the room besides mine and checked the rooter. There it was, a familiar blinking signal, instead of a static one that it shows when everything's fine. Shit. The internet provider disconnected our internet. Again.

There I sat on my couch.

Alone. Wiping away the tears off my face. Thinking about my girl's words.

For the next few months, this was the last time that I shed a tear about this whole situation.

A bit later my brother finally came home. We sat down in the living room. Before all this we barely talked to each other, except for the good morning, bye and a good night before going to bed. No, we weren't friends. We would argue about useless shit like scratching ones fork too loud on the table.

But not on this day.

There we sat. My 20 year old brother and me (21 at that time), I finally got told the whole story of what happened earlier that day.

Earlier this morning, after my brother and me already left for our jobs, my mom had a strange feeling that this house they talked about on the weekend, may be our house. She went upstairs, where my dad sat in his office and asked him straight away "honey, I have a feeling that this house is ours." My dad chose the complete a**hole route, telling her "are you crazy?! Do you think I would put you all in this situation and not even tell you?!" My mom gave in and said "yeah.. you're probably right." His sentence to end this whole argument was "you should probably apologize for accusing me of this." (I told you, the complete a**hole route..) My mom just responded "I won't apologize until I know whose house it is."

They ate their breakfast, drank a coffee and handled their day. Later that day, in the early afternoon, my dad drove my mom to the gym, since his car was in the auto shop and he needed to take my mom's car to drive to a customer. While my mom entered the gym for her usual monday spinning session, my dad drove away to work.

Just minutes after leaving the car, a good friend of my mom wrote her a text asking "are you ok?" kinda perplexed my mom replied "ahm, yes thanks. Why you asking?" her next words made my mom stop on the stairway, staring at her phone.

"A friend told me that your house is listed for foreclosure.."

My mom couldn't believe it. Her intuition earlier that day was right, her accusation against my dad, for what she was asked to apologize for, was right.

My mom called my brother and asked him if he could come and take her to a friend. My brother did. While driving her to a friend, my mom called my dad.

She told him "you can stop lying now, I know it." My dad didn't say a word. That's when my mom knew his whole house of cards broke down right in this moment. My brother brought my mom to her friend before he drove to his girlfriend.

After my brother finished telling me all this, we just sat there in silence for some minutes.

We then talked about what to do next. Talked about finding a new home. Talked if mom and dad gonna go through this together or go seperate ways. Talked about just everything that ran through our confused minds in that moment.

My brother went to bed later that evening, since he had to get up for work early the next day. I couldn't sleep that night. Stayed up until around 4am before I finally fell asleep. When I got up 3 or 4 hours later I called in sick at my job. Right before my brother left the house for his morning commute, my dad finally came home.

There he stood. The man who raised us, the man who was always strong, who we could not imagine crying or being really sad. This man stood in front of us, trying to say something that we could barely understand through his weak voice. Weak from crying. A few tears ran down his face, while he explained us that he F*cked it up. That our house is gone. My brother left for his morning commute and my dad and me talked a few minutes before he told me that he has to go to find a way to stop the foreclosure. Before leaving he asked me where our mom is, I told him she's at a friend. Then he drove away.

Later that day my dad called my brother and me to tell us, that we should bring our mom back home and he'd understand if she doesn't want to see him. He wanted to stay at his mom for the night.

My brother, my girlfriend and me drove to my mother's friend to get her home.

Shit, I will never forget that ride home.

Just seconds after getting into my car, our mom broke down crying. My mom's probably one of the toughest women I know, but she just couldn't hold it anymore. Right after one of us said "Hey mom.." she couldn't stay strong.

How we sat there in this car, driving in the heavy rain, my mom repeatedly saying "we lost it all.." while crying. Those moments resemble our hopelessness in some kind of movie-like scene. Where you'd watch from outside through the rainy windows into the car, not hearing a word, but feeling the hopelessness only by the looks on our faces, while we talk or watch outside the windows.

After we came "home" we sat down in the living room, eating the lasagna my girlfriend made for us earlier that day. We sat there the whole evening, with our mom in our arms, just talking about everything. About how blind we all have been. Telling my mom that it's not her fault, even if she probably didn't believe it herself. She couldn't believe that she didn't see anything earlier, she knows that such a foreclosure takes months, if not years before the house is sold. Our house is set to be sold in less than 2 months, how long did our dad hid all this from us?

Questions over questions. We didn't have any answers that evening, but it felt good to just talk. Talk until we were too tired to talk and go to sleep.

Second part is right below. Had to seperate it due to its size.​

 

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[Supa]

The next morning was just one of many that would follow, all with the same routine. That feeling, that I remember so vividly. Maybe some of you know this feeling.

Every morning I would wake up, sleepy as F*ck because I didn't go to sleep before 1am usually. Enjoying the warm bed and the early morning sun on my face. Just enjoying the moment, a moment that feels so normal, kinda happy because the sun's out. Enjoying those sleepy seconds, when suddenly this cold feeling overcomes me. My memory starts to kick in. I remember that nothing's normal. My sleepy smile vanishes within the fracture of a second. And while I remove the warm blanket and get up, I get back into the cold reality that this whole situation put us into.

The next days were a mixture of normality and absurdity. We all knew that we had to go to our jobs, we couldn't risk losing our income sources.

Quick break here, not a long one though, no worries. In the beginning I wrote that this story was the starting point of my journey to the Fastlane.. I actually discovered The Millionaire Fastlane already in 2012. Started reading it, was enthusiastically because of MJ's mindset and knew that I don't want to have to work a job my whole life. I also started a business with a friend right after starting to read the book and suggesting it to my friend. The business failed years later, my motivation to complete reading one book didn't take so long to fail.. I stopped reading TMF after reading about 1/3rd of it, the parts on the Sidewalk and the Slowlane, but stopped right before I came to the parts on the Fastlane. I don't know the reason for stopping to read it, or if there's even a reason other than being too lazy to read.
​

Anyway, let's continue.

A week went by, when my dad came to our house, trying to explain everything. We kinda expected what he'd say next, based on my dad's past, but hearing it from himself was still a shock, the type of shock where you knew it but somehow hoped for a different explanation, just to hear what you already expected.

My dad admitted, that he's addicted to gambling.

At first he tried to blame it on the fact that his company didn't go that good, aswell. But basically that was just an excuse, because in his next few sentences he told us, that instead of working he'd rather sit 8-12 hours in that damn casino playing on those slot machines. Every. Day. For. Over. A. Year.

He admitted some more things, like destroying some cables so that our telephone didn't work anymore, then blaming it on the phone company how they "couldn't make it work again." Or that he made our door bell not work anymore, in order to prevent that my mom would open the door for bailiffs or other people who could disclose his lies. Aswell as hiding every single letter that was in connection with unpaid bills, the foreclosure, from the bank, and so on.

Then my dad left. It was clear that my mom could not trust him anymore.

My mom, my brother and me spent the next days with searching a flat for us, aswell as getting as much info as possible on this whole situation, since we knew absolutely nothing. We had not one letter from our bank or anything.

I know I said I didn't shed a tear after the first day, but there was one exception.

Since my dad still had my mom's car, we improvised. My mom loves riding with the bike (she's sporty as F*ck) and on bad weather days my brother or me would either give her our car or drive her. Anyway, that day was a pretty sunny one so my mom left the house and took her bike. 30 minutes later she suddenly came back, running through the front door calling my name. I came jumping upstairs afraid that something happened, just to see my mom smiling like I didn't see her do in a long time.

When I arrived upstairs I saw the open door and my mom standing outside. Right in front of an old red Opel. Before I could ask what's going on here, she told me that she just saw that car for sale. She asked the owner if she could test drive it and decided to buy it. She just came home to get the 500€ for it. While she drove away in her new car, that allowed her to be mobile again, I had to shed a tear. But this time it wasn't out of sadness or hopelessness. No. This time, it was out of joy to see my mum this happy in midst of all this bullshit that she was going through.

That was one short moment of happiness in midst of all the chaos. The chaos was still there though.

We slowly started to getting answers to the questions we couldn't answer on that evening when we brought our mum back home.

There wasn't one day without another shocking revelation on how big the damage was, that my dad caused.

My mom went to all the banks, the tax office, friends of our family asking for help (not for money). She slowly started to bring light into the chaos that my dad left behind for us to fight through.

The people weren't nice to my mother, at least not at first. No one could believe that she knew nothing about all that. The woman at the bank was almost offensive against my mom, before she realized that she wasn't lying. My mom knew that she would face those hard words and headwinds. But she kept visiting the banks and everything until they believed her and some tried to help her.

The bank told my mum, that the foreclosure was announced over a year ago. That's why they couldn't believe that she knew nothing. They told her, that they gave my dad so many chances to find a solution, but he did nothing. They also told her, that it's too late to save the house. The only thing we could do is to get as much money out of the foreclosure as possible.

After hearing that my mum went to a friend of her, who knows a lot about selling houses (he's into RE) to ask him for help with it. They set up visits in our house with potential buyers and interested bidders in the foreclosure, aswell as searching for a flat for my mom.

On March 1st my brother and me moved into our own flat. That was my 22nd birthday.

The flat belongs to one of my friend's parents. He helped us to get this flat, and within 1-1.5 weeks after first talking about it, we moved in. My friends' parents refrained from taking a security deposit.

We asked our mum if she wants to live with us until she finds a flat, but she wanted to stay in our house until she finds something, to take care of it.

I remember those evenings, when I would drive to the gym to clear my head and on my way back home visit my mom and sit there for hours with her on the couch just talking. It broke my heart to leave her there in that empty house on her own. But she insisted to stay.

The foreclosure took place as planned, on March 16.

My mom was afraid that she does not only lose her house and everything, but also that she will end up deep in the red numbers, if the house sells below the sum it needed to reach to pay all the costs and debts.

She and our friend (the RE one) went to the foreclosure together. My mom was so nervous. My mom's friend told her, that he will bid too, if needed.

There were about 2-3 bidders who were dabbling around at 250k, we needed at least 270k.

It seemed pretty bad, but then my mom's friend raised the bid to 280k and another bidder raised it again, until my mom made about 40-50k plus off the foreclosure.

I remember how the new buyer told my mom that he was afraid of meeting my mom, because he expected her to be pretty pissed because he bought our house. He told her that he was pleasently surprised to find out that she's such a nice person. Not just that she wasn't pissed at him (it's not his fault), she also sold him the kitchen for like 7k, because the kitchen was not included in the foreclosure.

We lost our home, our past. But we went out of it with our heads up.

On April 1st my mom finally moved into her new home. She found a flat in a city near our new home.

My mum used a big amount of the-40-50k to pay back liabilities that my dad made over 1-2 years of not paying bills. She gave my brother and me a few thousand of it. And even if the judge told her, that she doesn't have to give my dad something of the money, she gave him a good amount to get back on his feet.

On March 1st 2015, almost a year after we managed to get out of the darkest time of our life, I was putting on some nice clothes, preparing to go to a restaurant, celebrating my 23rd birthday.

I was a bit nervous. Today was the day.

Today we would finally meet my mom's new boyfriend.

Please, let him not be an a**hole, I thought, while putting on my shoes before leaving my flat.

My brother, his girlfriend (yep still the same one) and his girlfriend's brother (a good friend of mine) arrived at the same time in front of the restaurant. We went inside and sat down, while my grandma (my mom's mom) and my step-grandpa entered the restaurant.

Then the moment finally arrived, my mom came into the restaurant, right behind a friendly looking guy in her age. I can see that she's way more nervous than we are. But it only took a few moments to see that he's awesome. The rest of the evening confirmed that first impression.

I love the image of us sitting in that restaurant, having a great time, laughing like crazy and just being happy.

A year ago on that day we were in midst of that chaos, that chaos that changed us all. We didn't know it back then, but that chaos brought us closer together than we've ever been. We were no longer just a family, no, we also became best friends.

4 days later, on March 5th I went on a 2 week vacation to the USA with 7 friends. This vacation showed me what's possible in life, the freedom and just everything that MJ wrote about in his book (as far as I read it at that point) Right after coming home I knew that the "save" life I fled into after all that happened (you know, the job, thinking about a second job, etc.), is not what I want for my life.

I picked up TMF again and finished reading it, then read it again.

In June 2015 I finally opened the garage and put my vehicle onto the road.

A road that will someday merge with the Fastlane.

Thanks for reading.



I'd like to add some more words before ending this post.
I wrote that story, in hope that someone will learn a lesson or two from it. I didn't point out the lessons I learnt, because I believe finding them yourself while reading will do more for you then me just writing "this taught me, that.."

Even if what happened marks an important turning point in my life, I am aware of the fact that what I had to go through is nothing compared to what others had to go through, or are still going through. But I also believe that it shouldn't be a competition in which the one with the worst experience wins. I think that everyone can learn from other's f*cked up experiences, to avoid having to go through similar moments of pain. Reading through Fox' thread where I initially posted this story in a TL;DR style showed me that a lot of people on here got compelling stories to tell, and I hope that I may encourage others to share their stories, if they are ready for it.

 

[beatgoezon]

Damn man, that kind of darkness is enough to kill a person's drive and turn them to despair, but to see you rise out of that chaos is very humbling.

Every morning I would wake up, sleepy as F*ck because I didn't go to sleep before 1am usually. Enjoying the warm bed and the early morning sun on my face. Just enjoying the moment, a moment that feels so normal, kinda happy because the sun's out. Enjoying those sleepy seconds, when suddenly this cold feeling overcomes me. My memory starts to kick in. I remember that nothing's normal. My sleepy smile vanishes within the fracture of a second. And while I remove the warm blanket and get up, I get back into the cold reality that this whole situation put us into.

I had a like a PTSD flashback where you mentioned this part, I know how brutal it feels, to be half-asleep and feel just pure peace, and slowly wake up to the hell your life has become... Truly painful bud for sure.

I'm very sorry you had to go through this man, I've had similar tragedies happen like this and let me just tell you this, that in hindsight they happen to shape us into something more, to kick us in the backside and show us we need to change.

The gambling, AIDs scare, seeing your mother break down like that, losing your home and life, and waking up to finish reading the TMF is really commendable to you @Supa.

All I'm going to tell you is that even though you haven't reached that life yet, don't give up on it and just push yourself harder than ever; but it could be hypocritical coming from me since I'm still working on going 120% into my business too.

Learn the lessons, shed your old self, face the reality, and sacrifice everything to make your vision happen; if not for yourself then for your mother,family, and girlfriend.

Your story really hit hard on my thinking that I'm not the only one who's been through this sort of darkness.

Thanks again for sharing such a personal story, and I wish you and your family the best of luck mate

 

[Supa]

Thank you for your kind words @beatgoezon !

I know the danger of getting into the wrong directions after something like this. There was like 1 or 2 months after everything was over, when I would smoke weed every few days just to turn my mind off or got addicted to tv shows like Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, watching them whenever I got time to do so.

I quit the smoking after realizing that I was going into a direction that I don't want to go, but I can definitely see how some people may get lost in it.

But what's even more astonishing for me is how easily I got back into the same routines like before starting to read TMF . Of course I didn't finish TMF at that point, but I already knew about the Sidewalk and Slowlane, in other words: I knew enough to know that working a job isn't going to get me where I want to be in life.

But still I fled into its so called safety. Enjoyed a new job that I just got. Spent my afternoons and evenings like society expected me to do. Watching tv, playing video games, hanging out with friends. I think I just wanted to create a life that is save from dramas like I had to go through.

That USA vacation sparked my fire again and I finally saw what this save life I fled into really is: nothing more than an illusion.

Anyway, I noticed that I left some things unanswered.

My brother's Aids test was negative. He's not infected. He and his girlfriend are still together, as happy as before. My mom and her new boyfriend moved in together earlier this year, and even if my mom has some trust issues after all that, she's happier than she's been in a long time.

 

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[OldFaithful]

That's quite a life changing experience @Supa. I'm glad you and your family have made the best of a bad situation. I was especially impressed with your mother's kindness to your father. She shared the proceeds of the sale with him, just to help him get back on his feet! That's awesome! How gracious.

My family has also been torn by failure, and it's taken me many years to rebuild a relationship with my father. It might take you many years too, but I can say now that I'm glad we did. Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[EE7]

Before I start I'd like to put a little disclaimer here, especially for those who do not know me or some of my posts on here. I'm not running a successful business yet, so please do not expect this story as a success story. Sorry for the spoiler, but this story doesn't end with success, its end is rather a beginning, the beginning of my journey to the Fastlane.

Phenomenal line. This story is extremely powerful. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Supa]

That's quite a life changing experience @Supa. I'm glad you and your family have made the best of a bad situation. I was especially impressed with your mother's kindness to your father. She shared the proceeds of the sale with him, just to help him get back on his feet! That's awesome! How gracious.

My family has also been torn by failure, and it's taken me many years to rebuild a relationship with my father. It might take you many years too, but I can say now that I'm glad we did. Best wishes to you and your family.

Great to see that you getting along with your dad again. Thank you!

 

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[beatgoezon]

Thank you for your kind words @beatgoezon !

I know the danger of getting into the wrong directions after something like this. There was like 1 or 2 months after everything was over, when I would smoke weed every few days just to turn my mind off or got addicted to tv shows like Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, watching them whenever I got time to do so.

I quit the smoking after realizing that I was going into a direction that I don't want to go, but I can definitely see how some people may get lost in it.

But what's even more astonishing for me is how easily I got back into the same routines like before starting to read TMF. Of course I didn't finish TMF at that point, but I already knew about the Sidewalk and Slowlane, in other words: I knew enough to know that working a job isn't going to get me where I want to be in life.

But still I fled into its so called safety. Enjoyed a new job that I just got. Spent my afternoons and evenings like society expected me to do. Watching tv, playing video games, hanging out with friends. I think I just wanted to create a life that is save from dramas like I had to go through.

That USA vacation sparked my fire again and I finally saw what this save life I fled into really is: nothing more than an illusion.

Anyway, I noticed that I left some things unanswered.

My brother's Aids test was negative. He's not infected. He and his girlfriend are still together, as happy as before. My mom and her new boyfriend moved in together earlier this year, and even if my mom has some trust issues after all that, she's happier than she's been in a long time.

Yea bud I understood that your brother was thankfully healthy, I just meant that the scare of it was enough to get to a person's nerves, good to know he's healthy man.

and bud I can totally related to this post you made, and I've been through the same pit you describe, except for me it wasn't drugs or alcohol, but cigarettes(2-2 and a half packs a day), watching Trash Tv online, etc

Keep the fire going man, use it to go far

 

[Supa]

A 2017 update.

I wrote that thread more than a year ago. The foreclosure of my family's house was almost three and half years ago.

That moment, when I came home to the realization of something being off and then pretty soon after that moment getting hit with our new reality. Thinking about that moment doesn't make me sad. Or angry.

Back then it felt so F*cking overwhelming. Waking up every morning. Stretching myself to the morning sun while getting that good "it's a sunny day" feeling for a second. A second, before your brain awakes completely and reality hits you in the face. It felt like nothing will ever be easy again. Nothing will ever be good again. And like we will never be happy again.

That's what it felt like in that moment. And in those days and weeks.

But it didn't feel like that forever.

There is a photo on the wall of my grandma's living room. On that photo you can see my mother sitting in the middle of my brother and me. His girlfriend took that photo of us. Ok, tbh, she had to take like 20 photos until there was one that my mother was happy with. The other 19 photos showed my brother and me with every type of dumb faces we could manage to make. Or us cracking up to those dumb faces.

That photo has a lot of meaning to me somehow. Not because it shows how much of childish idiots my brother and me are. But because of the time this photo was taken.

I can't remember the exact day or even month the photo was taken. But it was not long after my mother moved into her new flat. Which she did about 2 weeks after the foreclosure.

Just a few weeks ago we came out at the other end of the chaos we were pushed through. And there we sat. Laughing at our own stupid jokes and dumb faces.

And we are still laughing. Not only at our dumb faces though. Life's not always been easy in those years after that photo was taken. That's probably how life works. But in my own opinion, the positive outweighs the negative by far.

What happened in those 2 years after the last scene in my first post?

My mother and her boyfriend had their ups and downs, they moved in together, bought themselves a big camper and are planning on driving through half of Europe with it next year after my step-dad (how I call him now) retires at age 55 and my mom quits her job at age 52.

My dad is working a job and getting back up on his feet. Slowly, but he's already changed a bit to the better. Not sure if he stopped gambling, but there is not much we can do to stop him, if he's not doing it for himself or is searching for the help he may needs.

My brother and his girlfriend, and yes, it is still the same one, are going to move into their own flat together in October 2017. My brother started working for a big company, going the career way. Not what I want for life, but he's happy with that road. Besides of that, there's only enough room for one black sheep in the family

Me?

I worked on an online subscription based business from summer 2015 to summer 2016. A database of music industry contacts (like managers, booking agents, etc.). I did that together with a business partner from the UK. We got 3 sign ups of paying customers on this site. But we decided to stop that project due to several reasons.

In March 2016, thanks to the tremendous help of @Belcher, I started my weight loss journey and lost about 40 lbs so far, still going on. Mainly through CiCo and Keto.

In June 2016 I met a wonderful woman. In July 2016 we fell in love.

In July 2017 I got engaged to this wonderful woman

In August 2017, so far, I am still working on a project that I started in March 2017 and hope to finish by the end of this year. A novel, that I am writing.

 

[Christopher777]

Hey man, I just read the whole thread. I know how you feel. I had the same experience back in 2013. To lose the house you grew up in felt really bad.

But you know what?

What happened right after until this very day has buried those dark moments.

But it was not the event that caused all these positive changes.

It was me.

I know that you can relate.

I hope your dad's doing great. We all make mistakes.

We must not forget that mistakes are there to learn and evolve from, rather than just beating ourselves out for them.

Hardships make us a lot stronger if we have the correct attitude.

Cheers man.

 

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[Iammelissamoore]

Wow, your story is powerful - reading it, I was mixed with a lot of emotions.

Your mom is phenomenal, she has come a long way and has such a huge heart and the experience has made each of you stronger, even after the pain you went through. I know to date you have memories, but it's great to see that even after all of it, each of you managed to walk out with your heads held higher than ever; it's also great to see you each have each other's back.

There are so many lessons I have learnt in your story and I thank you for sharing it, I can imagine how difficult it was for you to share, but, many thanks for trusting to open up to us to teach us from your experience.

I'm glad to see you got the chance to finally complete TMF and you also managed to refocus your life in the positive direction you want. I wish you success on your journey in all you do. Thank you for your guiding light.

 

[Supa]

Hey man, I just read the whole thread. I know how you feel. I had the same experience back in 2013. To lose the house you grew up in felt really bad.

But you know what?

What happened right after until this very day has buried those dark moments.

But it was not the event that caused all these positive changes.

It was me.

I know that you can relate.

I hope your dad's doing great. We all make mistakes.

We must not forget that mistakes are there to learn and evolve from, rather than just beating ourselves out for them.

Hardships make us a lot stronger if we have the correct attitude.

Cheers man.

Sorry to hear, that you had to go through the same experience.
I'm glad you have such a great attitude about it.

Yes, my dad is doing better. It took him pretty long and wasn't easy for my brother and me witness how he couldn't get his head up for a long while.
He's on a good way now though, at least I hope that.

Thank you for your kind words and keep your great attitude

Wow, your story is powerful - reading it, I was mixed with a lot of emotions.

Your mom is phenomenal, she has come a long way and has such a huge heart and the experience has made each of you stronger, even after the pain you went through. I know to date you have memories, but it's great to see that even after all of it, each of you managed to walk out with your heads held higher than ever; it's also great to see you each have each other's back.

There are so many lessons I have learnt in your story and I thank you for sharing it, I can imagine how difficult it was for you to share, but, many thanks for trusting to open up to us to teach us from your experience.

I'm glad to see you got the chance to finally complete TMF and you also managed to refocus your life in the positive direction you want. I wish you success on your journey in all you do. Thank you for your guiding light.

Wow. I really appreciate your post

I'm glad my story resonated with you so much and I'm happy that you got something out of it. It's really cool to see, that not only someone who experienced something like that on his/her own can learn a lot of life lessons from it, but also someone who read this story.

Thank you so much for your nice words, they really made me smile while reading them

 

[Echizen]

Man, you write very well so I'm sure that your novel will be great too!

 

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[Supa]

Man, you write very well so I'm sure that your novel will be great too!

Thank you, the novel will be in German though, my native language. At least at first.