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RANT My brother tried to kill me and my family did nothing about it.

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OutofPoverty

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Long story short, my brother,26, tried to kill me by choking me out to death because he doesn’t like his life circumstances. He has felonies on his criminal record, baby mama drama, a child he can’t afford, works as a shitty tow truck driver for low pay, and hates his life. He projects his problems onto me. He never takes responsibility or accountability for his actions. What’s frustrating is that this is not his first time doing this to me and has been a reoccurring problem growing up with him. While my mother does NOTHING about it. She has allowed other people to abuse since childhood but always blame me for it.

Now that the aftermath is over, I have a swollen neck/jaw, bloody eye, bruised elbows and knees. It’s hard to open my mouth and bend my knees. I called the national suicide hotline number to discuss what happened, but my brother overheard me and put me in a chokehold while he tried to break my phone. “I’m not afraid to kill you.”

My mother and uncle will allow him to do whatever he wants to me, but it’s a problem if I do something about it (he could stab me for the fun of it and they will find a way to blame me) . He said “if you call the police and someone comes to this house, you will see what happen.” He told me “i’m not afraid to kill yo punk a$$ and I will do it.” Ironically, my mother witnessed him put me in a choke hold and didn’t do anything about it. I’m on the ground begging for my life, as I am about to past out/die. I felt powerless. How the f*ck can you watch him choke me to death,slam my head onto the floor, and watch an attempted murder go on?

I don’t have anywhere to move/ go to, friends places to move into. I don’t earn enough money to move out yet ($10.50 an hour aka minimum wage in my state). I hate living with this toxic family. I know there isn’t much this forum can do about it, but I need a place to vent because I feel helpless right now due to having no one to turn too. I’m afraid this situation will end with me being dead because of his mistakes. I cannot stand people with an external locus of control. Let’s use logic, even if he did kill me will that fix your life problems? Will your child support go away? Will you earn more money? Will those felonies disappear from your criminal record? Will those treasonous choices you made go away?Will your responsibilities as a father of a seven year old girl go away? Nope...but guess what he’s a sidewalker so he does not want to think about the long term consequences of his choices.

As for an action plan, I will seek out a counselor to talk and see what a restraining order can do against him. On a positive note, I got accepted into a program called Year Up and I will enroll into the cyber security courses (it’s free for one year). I will use this program to develop my skills to earn enough money to get my first apartment.

On page 365 of Unscripted where it talks about negative/destructive people, I am cutting contact from my toxic family once I am financially independent. The only sad thing is my seven year old niece sees me as her father figure because I show her love and support than her real father does. I will figure out a solution to this problem.
 

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AgainstAllOdds

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You need to move out or call the cops and let the chips fall where they may.

A better avenue for you to get advice could be Reddit. I've seen people on Reddit ask for advice before and get a good amount of feedback/recommendations on what they can do. I'm not sure if this forum has as vast knowledge on a situation like yours.

I'm praying for you man and am so sorry this is what you have to go through.
 

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I'm not sure if this forum has as vast knowledge on a situation like yours.
That's what I'm here for! I know lots about f*cked up situations like this, thanks to numerous f*cked up experiences in my life.

There's two possible solutions for this.

  1. Violence.
    Degenerate pieces of shit like this are usually too far gone to know niceness. Their entire paradigm is f*cked up-ness, and they want to inflict misery and pain onto the world.
    Let's say you you were tight with some tough, nasty, crazy people yourself. You tell them about this situation, they drag your degenerate brother out of the house, work on him with a lead pipe, and tell him next time he will be wrapped in barbed wire and in the bottom of a lake.
    When bullies become the prey, their true colours tend to show... They're cowards. It would send a good message to your fam as well that you're not to be f*cked with.

    Now here's the flip-side:
    Violence only begets more violence. All this will do is start you down the path of using fear. This is exactly how the criminal underworld works. Everything and everyone runs on the constant threat of violence. You can get what you want, but in the end you're always a prisoner, and you've dirtied your own hands. This is why I recommend you go with the second option:

  2. You go to the cops, and get the f*ck out of there. Your brother just tried to murder you. He has committed attempted murder, your mom and uncle are accessories. All of them are in a position to get locked up behind bars. And you mentioned you're in the States, they aren't lenient on shit like that.

    You mention your life is in danger and staying in this house will likely get you killed. The system has resources to get you to safety. There is NO reason you need to live in constant terror. Your brother is not some all mighty deity, he's a bully who would cower in fear if someone stronger and more dangerous got ahold of him.

    Shit like this makes my blood boil, and even right now I'm sweating from surging adrenaline as I write this. Toxic environments are full of people like your fam who would have you believe you're meant to suffer. You deserve to live somewhere where people aren't trying to kill you at the very least.

    Choose option two, and prepare for your life to be completely different, but free from terror.
 
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Xeon

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Long story short, my brother,26, tried to kill me but choking me out to death because he doesn’t like his life circumstances. He has felonies on his criminal record, baby mama drama, a child he can’t afford, works as a shitty tow truck driver for low pay, and hates his life. He projects his problems onto me. He never takes responsibility or accountability for his actions. What’s frustrating is that this is not his first time doing this to me and has been a reoccurring problem growing up with him. While my mother does NOTHING about it. She has allowed other people to abuse since childhood but always blame me for it.

Now that the aftermath is over, I have a swollen neck/jaw, bloody eye, bruised elbows and knees. It’s hard to open my mouth and bend my knees. I called the national suicide hotline number to discuss what happened, but my brother overheard me and put me in a chokehold while he tried to break my phone. “I’m not afraid to kill you.”

My mother and uncle will allow him to do whatever he wants to me, but it’s a problem if I do something about it (he could stab me for the fun of it and they will find a way to blame me) . He said “if you call the police and someone comes to this house, you will see what happen.” He told me “i’m not afraid to kill yo punk a$$ and I will do it.” Ironically, my mother witnessed him put me in a choke hold and didn’t do anything about it. I’m on the ground begging for my life, as I am about to past out/die. I felt powerless. How the F*ck can you watch him choke me to death,slam my head onto the floor, and watch an attempted murder go on?

I don’t have anywhere to move/ go to, friends places to move into. I don’t earn enough money to move out yet ($10.50 an hour aka minimum wage in my state). I hate living with this toxic family. I know there isn’t much this forum can do about it, but I need a place to vent because I feel helpless right now due to having no one to turn too. I’m afraid this situation will end with me being dead because of his mistakes. I cannot stand people with an external locus of control. Let’s use logic, even if he did kill me will that fix your life problems? Will your child support go away? Will you earn more money? Will those felonies disappear from your criminal record? Will those treasonous choices you made go away?Will your responsibilities as a father of a seven year old girl go away? Nope...but guess what he’s a sidewalker so he does not want to think about the long term consequences of his choices.

As for an action plan, I will seek out a counselor to talk and see what a restraining order can do against him. On a positive note, I got accepted into a program called Year Up and I will enroll into the cyber security courses (it’s free for one year). I will use this program to develop my skills to earn enough money to get my first apartment.

On page 365 of Unscripted where it talks about negative/destructive people, I am cutting contact from my toxic family once I am financially independent. The only sad thing is my seven year old niece sees me as her father figure because I show her love and support than her real father does. I will figure out a solution to this problem.
Don't wait for you to be "financially independent" before you cut off contact.
It will take a LONG LONG time, and before then, it would have done damage to you psychologically and physically (in fact, you're probably already mentally stressed out by this guy and could develop into more serious issues later down in life due to childhood trauma).....

So, take action now and leave asap. Take the shortest route to be safe. Even those counsellors and restraining orders will take a long time to process due to all those paperwork.....

Once you're in a safe place, file a report against him and let the authorities know the safety situation of your niece. By staying in that house, you will ONLY slow down your future progress and hustle, meaning it'll take you even longer to "get there".

Page 365 of Unscripted may talk about "negative/destructive" people, but I'm sure MJ is mainly referring to folks who are wet blankets and try to pull you down from your dreams, not physically abusive or violent criminals who can kill you anytime.

Post here:
Domestic Violence
Relationships

Those subreddits are pretty active.
 
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OutofPoverty

OutofPoverty

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Thank you @Xeon , @Ninjakid , and @AgainstAllOdds for your replies.

The first thing to do would be to move out before I call the police because once they are gone, who knows what he will do to me. I don’t won’t to risk it yet. I will contact old friends to see if i can crash at their place (it may be difficult because they are in college right, but it doesn’t hurt to try). Also, I took photos of my bruises and send them to my gmail in case they try to get rid of the evidence.

Also, I will contact the Year Up program about any housing opportunities once they’re open (8:30am and it’s 1:48am right now). In the mean time, I will do my best to avoid him
 

Xeon

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Thank you @Xeon , @Ninjakid , and @AgainstAllOdds for your replies.

The first thing to do would be to move out before I call the police because once they are gone, who knows what he will do to me. I don’t won’t to risk it yet. I will contact old friends to see if i can crash at their place (it may be difficult because they are in college right, but it doesn’t hurt to try). Also, I took photos of my bruises and send them to my gmail in case they try to get rid of the evidence.

Also, I will contact the Year Up program about any housing opportunities once they’re open (8:30am and it’s 1:48am right now). In the mean time, I will do my best to avoid him
Good, and if the folks at the Year Up program refuse to give you housing, emphasise on your critical situation now, it may spur them to help you more.

Also, I hate to say this, but seems like your brother belongs right INSIDE a psychiatric hospital / lunatic asylum, tied up in a straitjacket to prevent him committing violent acts on the staff there.
Your family members need some counselling as well to discover the truth as to why they are not speaking up for you (this is ABNORMAL behavior).
 
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OutofPoverty

OutofPoverty

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Also try to get some evidence on camera so it's not your word against theirs.
@Sebastya trust me... I got photos. I had to wait until I got my phone back and everyone is asleep because he didn’t want me to call 911. I hope the police will find this credible because it doesn’t look to bad to me and they may not believe. These photos are a couple hours after the incident.
 
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AgainstAllOdds

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Thank you @Xeon , @Ninjakid , and @AgainstAllOdds for your replies.

The first thing to do would be to move out before I call the police because once they are gone, who knows what he will do to me. I don’t won’t to risk it yet. I will contact old friends to see if i can crash at their place (it may be difficult because they are in college right, but it doesn’t hurt to try). Also, I took photos of my bruises and send them to my gmail in case they try to get rid of the evidence.

Also, I will contact the Year Up program about any housing opportunities once they’re open (8:30am and it’s 1:48am right now). In the mean time, I will do my best to avoid him
The police will arrest your brother for domestic violence and lock him up at least for 48 hours. That should get you enough time to make arrangements and leave if necessary.
 

NC Bidniss

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Long story short, my brother,26, tried to kill me but choking me out to death because he doesn’t like his life circumstances. He has felonies on his criminal record, baby mama drama, a child he can’t afford, works as a shitty tow truck driver for low pay, and hates his life. He projects his problems onto me. He never takes responsibility or accountability for his actions. What’s frustrating is that this is not his first time doing this to me and has been a reoccurring problem growing up with him. While my mother does NOTHING about it. She has allowed other people to abuse since childhood but always blame me for it.

Now that the aftermath is over, I have a swollen neck/jaw, bloody eye, bruised elbows and knees. It’s hard to open my mouth and bend my knees. I called the national suicide hotline number to discuss what happened, but my brother overheard me and put me in a chokehold while he tried to break my phone. “I’m not afraid to kill you.”

My mother and uncle will allow him to do whatever he wants to me, but it’s a problem if I do something about it (he could stab me for the fun of it and they will find a way to blame me) . He said “if you call the police and someone comes to this house, you will see what happen.” He told me “i’m not afraid to kill yo punk a$$ and I will do it.” Ironically, my mother witnessed him put me in a choke hold and didn’t do anything about it. I’m on the ground begging for my life, as I am about to past out/die. I felt powerless. How the F*ck can you watch him choke me to death,slam my head onto the floor, and watch an attempted murder go on?

I don’t have anywhere to move/ go to, friends places to move into. I don’t earn enough money to move out yet ($10.50 an hour aka minimum wage in my state). I hate living with this toxic family. I know there isn’t much this forum can do about it, but I need a place to vent because I feel helpless right now due to having no one to turn too. I’m afraid this situation will end with me being dead because of his mistakes. I cannot stand people with an external locus of control. Let’s use logic, even if he did kill me will that fix your life problems? Will your child support go away? Will you earn more money? Will those felonies disappear from your criminal record? Will those treasonous choices you made go away?Will your responsibilities as a father of a seven year old girl go away? Nope...but guess what he’s a sidewalker so he does not want to think about the long term consequences of his choices.

As for an action plan, I will seek out a counselor to talk and see what a restraining order can do against him. On a positive note, I got accepted into a program called Year Up and I will enroll into the cyber security courses (it’s free for one year). I will use this program to develop my skills to earn enough money to get my first apartment.

On page 365 of Unscripted where it talks about negative/destructive people, I am cutting contact from my toxic family once I am financially independent. The only sad thing is my seven year old niece sees me as her father figure because I show her love and support than her real father does. I will figure out a solution to this problem.
Spend every minute of spare time applying to jobs in another city, scrape every dime together that you can manage for a bus ticket, and get the hell out of there. Your life will not improve until your brother, and whole family for that matter, are no longer in the picture. The common phrase "blood is thicker than water" is a horrific misinterpretation of the full phrase "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb". You owe your family nothing, and you do not deserve to live in that toxic environment any longer.
 
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OutofPoverty

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I want to say thank you everyone for being concerned about my safety. I called my two friends but they didn’t pick up so I will visited them once I’m off work. I work first shift (6:30am-3:30pm). I’m currently on my forty minute lunch break (12:30pm-1:10pm).

@NC Bidniss. I have a full time in Jessup Maryland as a production work in a factory for $10.50 an hour. I live in Baltimore, Maryland so once I get to the library, I will research low income apartments in various cities. I still have to follow up with Year Up for my on boarding interview and I will address my situation to them. So far only white gumballs. I have $1,035 in my bank account
 
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Timmy C

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I want to say thank you everyone for being concerned about my safety. I called my two friends but they didn’t pick up so I will visited them once I’m off work. I work first shift (6:30am-3:30pm). I’m currently in my forty minute lunch break.

@NC Bidniss. I have a full time in Jessup Maryland as a production work in a factory for $10.50 an hour. I live in Baltimore, Maryland so once I get to the library, I will research low income apartments in various cities. I still have to follow up with Year Up for my on boarding interview and I will address my situation to them. So far only white gumballs. I have $1,035 in my bank account

Man i am so sorry this has happened to you. Ditch them all and never look back get outta there NOW not next week not tomorrow NOW. I couldnt think of anything so horrific.

My thoughts are with you mate.

Can you tell your boss what is happening?

Would he be willing to let you live at work until you figure something out?

can you do that and sign up to a local gym with a shower close to work so you have all that sorted?
 

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Run. Work out a plan to leave the whole city and start again elsewhere, carry it out ASAP, ditch all phone numbers they could contact you on, never contact them again as long as you all live, and don't come back.
+1

Sorry to hear about the problems my friend, as mentioned -- I'd GTFO. Even if I had to leave the city, work in a crap job, and live in a bad apartment, nothing is worth being treated like garbage. You are worth more than this.
 

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Sorry to hear about all this. It sounds scary. And it sounds like your family doesn't care & I'm betting have abused you themselves in the past.

I'm going to guess you're younger than your brother, and with friends in college, you're around 18-22.

...thinking about if I was in that situation at that age...

You're in a dangerous situation. You're #1 goal is to survive and not endure any more physical/long-term mental abuse (that could affect all your decisions for the rest of your life.

1.) Open 2-3 credit cards. I'd call, apply, tell them you're a prospective college student (not sure if you have a credit history), they'll point you to the cards you're most easily approved for. They'll most likely give you a $1k-$2.5k limit. Ask for at least $5k. (these are to keep you afloat for emergencies).

2.) I doubt you'd need to leave the state, but I'd look around where you work for new opportunities even if it's waiting tables. If you run away, they'd know where to find you.

3.) Find the cheapest apartment (sub $400 per month) and eat mac n' cheese. (you're still young and can handle this crappy diet).

4.) Find a group of like-minded people you can talk with and support (a local cybersecurity meetup if that's your passion)

5.) Don't be in a rush or feel pressure to have to go "fastlane." You need to rebuild yourself first.

Sending you some thoughts and prayers, David.
 

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That must have been a difficult thing to write about. You did not deserve anything that happened to you.

Well done for recognising the issue. You have to get out of there now. If this has been a long running theme in your life then it isn't going to stop and it can easily end up resulting in your death.

Surely there is someone on this forum that can help out in some way?
 

Bekit

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Long story short, my brother,26, tried to kill me but choking me out to death because he doesn’t like his life circumstances. He has felonies on his criminal record, baby mama drama, a child he can’t afford, works as a shitty tow truck driver for low pay, and hates his life. He projects his problems onto me. He never takes responsibility or accountability for his actions. What’s frustrating is that this is not his first time doing this to me and has been a reoccurring problem growing up with him. While my mother does NOTHING about it. She has allowed other people to abuse since childhood but always blame me for it.

Now that the aftermath is over, I have a swollen neck/jaw, bloody eye, bruised elbows and knees. It’s hard to open my mouth and bend my knees. I called the national suicide hotline number to discuss what happened, but my brother overheard me and put me in a chokehold while he tried to break my phone. “I’m not afraid to kill you.”

My mother and uncle will allow him to do whatever he wants to me, but it’s a problem if I do something about it (he could stab me for the fun of it and they will find a way to blame me) . He said “if you call the police and someone comes to this house, you will see what happen.” He told me “i’m not afraid to kill yo punk a$$ and I will do it.” Ironically, my mother witnessed him put me in a choke hold and didn’t do anything about it. I’m on the ground begging for my life, as I am about to past out/die. I felt powerless. How the F*ck can you watch him choke me to death,slam my head onto the floor, and watch an attempted murder go on?

I don’t have anywhere to move/ go to, friends places to move into. I don’t earn enough money to move out yet ($10.50 an hour aka minimum wage in my state). I hate living with this toxic family. I know there isn’t much this forum can do about it, but I need a place to vent because I feel helpless right now due to having no one to turn too. I’m afraid this situation will end with me being dead because of his mistakes. I cannot stand people with an external locus of control. Let’s use logic, even if he did kill me will that fix your life problems? Will your child support go away? Will you earn more money? Will those felonies disappear from your criminal record? Will those treasonous choices you made go away?Will your responsibilities as a father of a seven year old girl go away? Nope...but guess what he’s a sidewalker so he does not want to think about the long term consequences of his choices.

As for an action plan, I will seek out a counselor to talk and see what a restraining order can do against him. On a positive note, I got accepted into a program called Year Up and I will enroll into the cyber security courses (it’s free for one year). I will use this program to develop my skills to earn enough money to get my first apartment.

On page 365 of Unscripted where it talks about negative/destructive people, I am cutting contact from my toxic family once I am financially independent. The only sad thing is my seven year old niece sees me as her father figure because I show her love and support than her real father does. I will figure out a solution to this problem.
Hey Daniel, I'm really sorry about what happened to you.

I agree with all the others who posted here saying to get out of there, fast.

One idea I had for how your exit strategy could actually work in the short term: Get a blue collar job. Why? Because there is a shortage of labor, driving wages up. If you're able bodied and willing to work, you may be able to get a $20/hour job instead of the $10/hour one you have. That way, you can have a little bit more breathing room for affording basic stuff while you design the life you want.

Read this thread where the forum members discussed the blue collar opportunity in detail.
Blue Collar Recession

But I would say get away from there, at least as far as Harrisburg or Hagerstown, or (why not dream?) someplace super far out of reach, like Arizona.

Here's an article that explores the cost of living in various metropolitan areas in the US, and hey look, Harrisburg is ranked #1 for the most affordable compared to the price of a house.

How Many Years of Income Does a Home in Your City Cost? - CityLab

Do you have a vehicle?
 

Scot

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Following on @Bekit post, a lot of blue collar work does travel and per diem. I know a few years ago a bunch of friends got jobs building a power plant in SC, with zero experience, and makes $30/hr plus lodging and $150/day per diem.

Maybe check out jobs in the oil industry. Brother can’t f*ck with you if you’re on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico
 

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Hello. I'm really sorry about your situation, but at least you have identified it as a major problem in your life and are looking to put an end to it.

As many of the others, I think you should leave your family; it must be your top priority right now.

I would add to the great advice everybody has made, that you could reach for one of your former teachers or professors from highschool or middle school; someone you know, who earned your trust.

People working in schools and education, in my experience, are good counselors. Maybe she or he has good ideas, since they know your city and context.

Best of luck man.
 

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GTFO

If you decide to stay, every City has a Human Services department with resources for situations like this, but it only goes so far, and nothing will remove you from the situation permanently as long as you stay near. Calling the cops will hold you there to go through the legal processes and be a witness for probably a few years if it’s a legit case, and will just make you more of a target when he gets out.

I think you’re better to just abandon that life.

Pick a spot you’d like to live, your dream area of the country or world, and just go there. Roll in homeless if you have to. Go to a Church, Police Station or Fire Station to get funneled toward resources that will help you get on your feet. Get a job, start like you just got out of high school. Procrastinating could leave you dead tomorrow.
 

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Please record everything. I have friends who have had abusive step-parents and they were too afraid to go to the police after it happened. When they tried to report it after their injuries healed, the police couldn't do much.

Like what everyone else is saying, you need to try and move ASAP. If you ever need someone to talk to, please reach out on here in a PM.

Some resources that might help:
 

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Your brother will attack you again, it’s a matter of when, not if. You might not live the next time. Every time he strangles you, your probability of dying increases substantially. It sounds like you already know this.

Leave home and never go back.

Tonight.

Right now.

You might not get another chance.

Get to an ER immediately. Strangulation can have some nasty side effects, such as blood clots and nerve damage, that may not present themselves for a few weeks.

While at the ER, tell them you were attacked and strangled. Ask them to call the police and talk to the responding officer(s) with a doctor or a nurse. Police don’t know what to look for in a strangulation. This is very important.

Be aware that if you file a report with the police, the DA is going to press charges on your behalf, even if you don’t want them to. I would call some lawyers at this point. You may get one to take you on pro bono given the circumstances. The DA will then build a case, including an interview with you, and will later ask you to testify if it goes to trial. This isn’t a bad thing, just something should know. The DA is going to pressure you to testify. You do not have to testify, but understand they want a conviction. This is where a lawyer is handy. I am not a lawyer.

Call 211. They can help with housing and possibly a lawyer as well.

Good luck! I will be praying for you. I’ve been in very similar circumstances. You can do this and you will be fine, but you have to act NOW.

Get going!!!
 

Xeon

All Cars Kneel Before Pagani.
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But I would say get away from there, at least as far as Harrisburg or Hagerstown, or (why not dream?) someplace super far out of reach, like Arizona.
Arizona. Yes, especially Arizona. The Home of the FastLaners. :cool:
 

Ninjakid

Platinum Contributor
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Arizona. Yes, especially Arizona. The Home of the FastLaners. :cool:
If depression was a place, it would be Baltimore.

Hey there's a positive spin, OP gets to move somewhere nice and never look back!

 

NewManRising

Silver Contributor
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Medford, OR
The only thing I will say is get away from your family ASAP and any way you can. This should be your priority before anything. Aside from the abuse, this is not an environment you can be creative in and grow. It is just not possible. Once you separate, do yourself a favor and cut your brother off for good.

If you'd like to keep contact with other family members, do so on your terms and have some hard boundaries.

Good luck.
 
OP
OP
OutofPoverty

OutofPoverty

Bronze Contributor
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Hey Daniel, I'm really sorry about what happened to you.

I agree with all the others who posted here saying to get out of there, fast.

One idea I had for how your exit strategy could actually work in the short term: Get a blue collar job. Why? Because there is a shortage of labor, driving wages up. If you're able bodied and willing to work, you may be able to get a $20/hour job instead of the $10/hour one you have. That way, you can have a little bit more breathing room for affording basic stuff while you design the life you want.

Read this thread where the forum members discussed the blue collar opportunity in detail.
Blue Collar Recession

But I would say get away from there, at least as far as Harrisburg or Hagerstown, or (why not dream?) someplace super far out of reach, like Arizona.

Here's an article that explores the cost of living in various metropolitan areas in the US, and hey look, Harrisburg is ranked #1 for the most affordable compared to the price of a house.

How Many Years of Income Does a Home in Your City Cost? - CityLab

Do you have a vehicle?
@Bekit. No I do not have a vehicle
 

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