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Money mindset - I’ll show you mine if you show me yours...

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Sprocket

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Hey all and happy Wednesday! I hope it’s good for you :)

I haven’t posted much, there are so many times I think of this forum and want to post but by the time I’ve got the kids to bed I have the mental capacity of a goldfish.

However, something that’s been buzzing around my head for a while is money mindsets - how we think about money. Not what you want to think about money because you read it in some book, but what you feel in your gut when you’re about to check your bank statement, spend money or when an unexpected expense comes up. What does your unconscious mind tell you?

I’ve come to realise that my money mindset is shocking and I’ve gone through life thinking that this is how everyone on the planet views money too. It literally JUST occurred to me at 36 years old that this may not be the case.

So, I’m writing this post to let you into my messed up money mindset and inviting you to share yours (messed up or not) as a way to help us learn and understand that there are many beliefs about money (as pointed out in unscripted) and to perhaps see just how different these beliefs can be and how some may be more unconscious and irrational than others.

Before I proceed - none of the below is coming from a place of blame or being a victim. They’re just facts about my brain so far, I have some “faulty programming” that I’m paying attention to fixing :) It’s up to me. Also - this is my unconscious thinking, I know its irrational and that’s what I need to fix.

Here goes:

Hello, I’m Sprocket and I have a messed up money mindset”

I know it came from my childhood when a family business went under and put us into massive financial difficulty. I was young and my mum (being kind and loving) wanted to protect me and told me there was no problem, trying to carry on as usual. She didn’t realise I absorbed every emotion, worried tone and expression and let it overwhelm me and form who I am.

My dad was more honest but I can still see the pain in his kind and gentle eyes, I still see remnants of that pain now. My own grandad had just spent my dads (his son in-laws) inheritance (£200k in todays money) on a tax bill and he was happy to let our house go with it, leaving my dad to fight for his young family. This one life event set my money mind set for many years.


(This is just scene setting - not a poor little me story. It’s cause great pain in many ways but a hell of a lot of good has come out of the suffering too).

So how is this event present in my mindset today..? This is how I unconsciously see money...

Trust
I trust next to no one when it comes to money. By trying to protect me my mum made me mistrust and question everyone and everything when it comes to money.

Insecurity
“There will never be enough money and if you do have some you can lose it in a heartbeat”. I feel like everyone is out to take your money - haha writing this makes me realise how daft it is! But I literally feel like I have to protect my money, it’s so stressful. I also feel like everyone I know has so much more.

Fear
Honestly, even though my husband and I have been saving, I’m still terrified when I open the bank account, I literally cross my fingers (and yes I’m 36) every time I log in! I worry that an unexpected bill will come up. I’m terrified of the future. My mind: “you’re going to need so much money when the children are older” cold sweat, churning stomach..!

Pain
I can’t see money as joy, I want to deeply, but my overwhelming unconscious feeling is that money (or lack of) is linked to pain. I’m desperately sad for families and people that are struggling, this pain is all around you when you look. I find it hard to truly enjoy money.

Control
I have to have full control over my finances otherwise I feel stressed out and irritable.

Here are a few of the lovey nuggets my unconscious brain tells me. Please don’t judge, I know they are crackers, its just how my mind has evolved through what I’ve been told, how I’ve been raised:

“You have to struggle”
“Wealth doesn’t come to people like us”
“You have to work really really hard to have an average life”
“Luck brings money”
“Don’t expect to make too much”
“Success comes from a secure and high paying (slow-lane) job”
“Poor is kind”
“I feel poor”
“Don’t risk money”
“Never lend money, you won’t get it back” (this was literally drummed into me!)
“If you don’t inherit you won’t have wealth”
“Making money will heal the past”
“Money is security, it keeps you safe”

Please don’t view this as an indulgent (all about me and my problems) post. It’s just a part of me that I’m working on overcoming. I really wanted to be honest and to see if others would share their mindsets so we can see the full spectrum of how we think about this money stuff we’re all so keen to earn!

As I mentioned - there is an excellent section in unscripted and many good books etc too.

Have a fantastic day and I look forward to talking to you!
 

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Andreas Thrane

Workaholics aren't heroes
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Sep 6, 2018
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Hi Sprocket

Thanks for sharing your issues. I think it’s normal to have issues connected with money.

My mindset concerning money has changed dramatically down the road. My mom was alone with 3 sons to provide for. She worked her a$$ off in a slowlane job working in the medical industry. I was growing up in the belief that it was the only way to do things.


Nowadays I believe money is a tool towards freedom. Understanding freedom in the widest sense possible. Freedom for me is not only being free from the 9-5 hell, but also security for my family, the house I think they deserve to grow up in etc.

It continues to baffle me why some people paying 250$ for a shirt and still complaints about the 9-5 job. It stuns me that my oldest brother already looking forward to the day he retires, (he is 40 years old) and it’s all he talks about.
 
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Sprocket

Sprocket

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Mar 7, 2018
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183
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Hi Sprocket

Thanks for sharing your issues. I think it’s normal to have issues connected with money.

My mindset concerning money has changed dramatically down the road. My mom was alone with 3 sons to provide for. She worked her a$$ off in a slowlane job working in the medical industry. I was growing up in the belief that it was the only way to do things.


Nowadays I believe money is a tool towards freedom. Understanding freedom in the widest sense possible. Freedom for me is not only being free from the 9-5 hell, but also security for my family, the house I think they deserve to grow up in etc.

It continues to baffle me why some people paying 250$ for a shirt and still complaints about the 9-5 job. It stuns me that my oldest brother already looking forward to the day he retires, (he is 40 years old) and it’s all he talks about.
Yeah, I love people watching, looking at what they’re spending money on, it truly fascinates me!

Totally agree with the freedom concept - that’s what my rational brain believes lol, now how to convince the other half of my brain and I’ll be good!
 

RazorCut

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I’ve never been that money motivated, though most people who know me would say otherwise because I’ve had so many businesses. However I built them more for the fun of the challenge than expressly as a money making instrument.

As long as I had enough money for myself and my families needs I’ve never been too bothered with amassing it. I was happy within a comfort zone. Daft really.

You really have a deep seated negative ‘thought loop’ running regarding money. Such a strong core belief can be incredibly debilitating as you are so obviously aware. Have you considered seeking professional help?
 
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Sprocket

Sprocket

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
Mar 7, 2018
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UK
I’ve never been that money motivated, though most people who know me would say otherwise because I’ve had so many businesses. However I built them more for the fun of the challenge than expressly as a money making instrument.

As long as I had enough money for myself and my families needs I’ve never been too bothered with amassing it. I was happy within a comfort zone. Daft really.

You really have a deep seated negative ‘thought loop’ running regarding money. Such a strong core belief can be incredibly debilitating as you are so obviously aware. Have you considered seeking professional help?
Eek! I think putting it all down on one page makes it look worse than it is... I promise I’m actually really positive generally. I’m very aware they are irrational beliefs - gremlins in my thought processes which catch me out when I’m low or tired (little buggers). Generally however I’m conscious enough to override them. Learning how to do this perminantly is my challenge :)

I really hope I don’t come across as a doom and gloom, poor me kind of person :-/

My reason for this post wasn’t so much to ask for help or advise - more to start a conversation and exchange thoughts. It genuinely does interest me how different people really think about money. Especially since I’ve accepted my beliefs as true for everyone for so long...
 

RazorCut

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I really hope I don’t come across as a doom and gloom, poor me kind of person :-/

My reason for this post wasn’t so much to ask for help or advise - more to start a conversation and exchange thoughts. It genuinely does interest me how different people really think about money. Especially since I’ve accepted my beliefs as true for everyone for so long...
Not at all. It's just that list:

“You have to struggle”
“Wealth doesn’t come to people like us”
“You have to work really really hard to have an average life”
“Luck brings money”

etc.. will create a glass ceiling and it is worth the effort to banish them. Personally I see money as easy to produce but not in huge volume, just in quantities higher than the circle of people I'm associated with.

It's why spending time with people in a much higher wealth bracket would be useful.

It helps to remove those self-imposed barriers. It opens the mind to the fact that to 10x your income doesn't mean you have to 10x or 20x your effort. You just have to put the effort that got you 1x to better use.
 
Last edited:
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Sprocket

Sprocket

Bronze Contributor
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Mar 7, 2018
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Personally I see money as easy to produce but not in huge volume, just in quantities higher than the circle of people I'm associated with.
This is a good nugget of insight :) I like it!
 

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