Major stress and dealing with it

[Sid23]

I'm a project manager on a new development deal that is going to break ground within weeks.

The stress is really weighing on me right now.

How do you successful fastlaners deal with stress?

I understand part of this stress is that this is the first project I've managed, so I'm seeing many things for the first time. I've got deadlines to hit, investors to keep happy AND superiors who are nuts (just my opinion).

I feel like my body is aching and my task list is all I can think about. Can't sleep much at night which isn't helping.

I KNOW I need to get used to this type of pressure, but its really weighing on me this first time.

Just needed to vent and hopefully pick up some tips for managing this stress.

Thanks,
Sid23

 

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[kimberland]

Ahhh... that brings back memories
of my first product launches.
Everything was new and I had no plan of attack and...

I was stressed out
but after everything was done,
I felt... like I was missing that stress.
It is like I had been running
and, all of a sudden, forced to walk.

Mentors really help in this sort of situation,
and buddies who are willing to pitch in
when it gets too much.

As for dealing with the stress,
I like to beat the poo out of things when I'm stressed.
I try to resist having that thing be the hubby
(joke, joke, I've never hit the guy,
well, not purposely, I'm a bit accident prone).
Usually a pillow will do.
A buddy does kick boxing.

Sometimes if it gets too bad,
I'll escape in a romance novel for an hour or two.

I also like to eat a lot of chocolate
but I don't reco that as part of a healthy lifestyle.

 

[bflash98]

I know how you feel there. I have been under the same type of stress and the only thing that helped me was to focus on my tasks while working and put those things out of my mind while I'm not working. Its not so easy to put things out of your mind but I have found if I have fun things to do play sports, dinners with friends/family and so on it made it easier to not focus on the stressful stuff.

Worrying about things never solves problems

 

[MJ DeMarco]

My girlfriend has been begging me to go to Yoga classes. She claims it works wonders. For me, I hop on this ...
View attachment 501

It looks like a wheelchair but its not - its a recumbent bike that I can drive for miles. Its easy on the back and is a great workout .... moreover, it allows me to absorb a little bit of nature and the beauty of the valley. I imagine in SF a little bike like this would be awesome -- plus, a phenomenal workout with all the hills.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

chocolate
having my 'bail out plan'
forcing myself to take time out - - - and do something I enjoy
and finally..... chocolate!

I'm looking forward to hearing about what other's do too... This is a weak area for me.

 

[mtnman]

Two things that will change your life here. Meditation and modified response.

In short, many people think meditation is stupid, not for them, never tried it, won't work, blah blah blah. The reality is that meditation comes in all shapes and sizes, much like people. There are many ways to meditate. You can, and will improve your stress levels implementing this into your daily life.

Often times, people are not healthy because our current health system only addresses physical health. Like anything else, only half of what we do (or less) is physical. Mental health (not the loony bin) is equally important and can have a dramatic affect in other areas of your life by taking responsibility for all aspects of your needs. I am writing a series of articles about this, and will try to post them here when I have time.

Two quick ways to try out meditation without following any particular methods or "ways" (which often relate to religions) are flame meditations or idea focused.

With the flame version, you watch a flame(candle) and focus your thoughts on its attributes. As other thoughts enter you mind (there's no stopping them contrary to belief) recognize them, but pay them no mind. Focus on the flame. Moving, color, heat, whatever. Or just visualize a picture of the 'word' flame, over and over again.

Likewise, with idea focused meditations, apply the same techniques, but on a focused idea of your choice. Very much like guided imagery, but you are creating the guide. Regardless, you focus on something entirely, getting out of your body in a way, mentally. This will free your mind from recumbent thoughts and refresh you mentally and physically.

20 minutes should do it. It doesn't always happen over night either. Like anything, it takes practice, but the rewards are great.


Modifying your response is a great preventative method to keep excess stress from building up. Jack Canfield's equation of E + R = O is a great explanation of this. Modify your response and you get a different outcome, is the core attribute. Change how you react in your stressful situations.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Great info mtnman! ++

Meditation is one of those things I know I *should* do, but during the times I need it the most (stress) I don't do it.

Same with Yoga. Yoga does really make a difference for my stress levels - - - when I do it - - - but I'm not always good at doing it.

 

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[GoldenEggs]

I am in a similar boat right now. What was working for me was lifting weights. I started a new rountine that has me doing 3 sets of 15, then 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2 and certain muscles I work to failure. I end up too exhausted to have time to worry.

Unforunately, I haven't made it to the gym this entire week so I am working on my language. Instead of thinking, we're @#$&#d, I focus on the actions we can take and have taken. I acknowledge my fear but I try to find out what action I can take to lessen that fear.

Then I tell myself that no matter what happens, atleast I am still alive and have my mind and my health. It takes effort to remind myself that this will not kill me and that while I still have life, I can turn anything around.

 

[imirza]

I hit the gym. Working out relieves any stress atleast for me. Pumping iron and engorging your pecs and biceps with blood to the point of explosion works wonders :icon_super:
Running too. I run 30 mins on the treadmill 3 times a week and lift weights 3 times a week. I do this in the morning so I am pretty relaxed most of the day.

Listening to music helps too. Certain types of music are known to relieve stress. Music alters your mood and generally relaxes you.

Then ofcourse, the number one stress reliever is sex. Engaging in sexual activity relieves stress though I don't want to dwell too much in this area since I might be going a little off topic :smxB:

 

[fanocks2003]

I would gather a team who is 100% responsible for their part of the project. That is what I do when I create companies. You need help in order to remain sain. I know how you feel now, because I started out as anyone else (alone). But I soon learned the ropes, but it was painfull lessons, because most of my learnings was through trial and error at least 80% of the time.

Delegating to the right people is the main idea I can give you. Finding the right people is easier said than done. But if you do, you will really see the difference.

 

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[Venturer]

I prevent stress by tackling the cause of it immediately when I start feeling the stress. Usually this is achieved by redirecting the problem to the person who created it and demanding an immediate solution. Don't keep the monkey on your shoulder.

In the rare cases that I am too late to prevent stress I lose it quickly when I take one of my four cycling tours that I make per week. Four times a week approximately 50 kilometers. Not in a gym but through woods and along farmland if possible.

The two to three hours of tennis that I play twice a week are also excellent stress relievers.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Then ofcourse, the number one stress reliever is sex. Engaging in sexual activity relieves stress though I don't want to dwell too much in this area since I might be going a little off topic :smxB:

Have you been talking to my hubby?

 

[zaiteku]

I know where you are coming from as my job is all deadline oriented as well, and I manage huge projects. The stress can be overwhelming at times, and sleep becomes difficult indeed creating somewhat of a downward spiral.

Everyone is different, I do martial arts, specifically Judo or JuJitsu, less frequently Muay Thai. I found that it was beneficial to me for several reasons:

1. it gets me out of work, I have to be somewhere at a certain time, and even though sometimes I have to go back to work after, its a guarantee that I cant work during those 2 hours.
2. I have a ton of training partners that are counting on me to be there, and motivating me to train, which further motivates me.
3. Being that the first 2 arts don't involve striking, I can go 110% with little risk of injury. Its like sprinting for hours.
4. it involves as much mental as physical energy and focus, sort of like real time chess. And when someone is trying to break your arms off, work is the absolute last thing on your mind, which is nice.
5. It creates something of a lifestyle change, so you are not just working, but you have to focus on getting better at something outside of work that is not related. Its often easy to forget the importance of these types of activities.

But sometimes I also just go for a surf and that helps a lot too.

 

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[ryanpal]

i workout 5 days a week. and some days i double up (run after weightroom). while it may help reduce stress a bit i'm still stressed out.

perhaps its the fact of having the end goal in mind and having to "yes boss" someone when they have an attitude. 3 times this month i almost snapped and walked out the door (today included). i feel as bad as it would be to burn this bridge all the way too the ground...it would put me where i want to be and force me to pursue the lifestyle i desire with no exceptions.

 

[Jito]

I know where you are coming from as my job is all deadline oriented as well, and I manage huge projects. The stress can be overwhelming at times, and sleep becomes difficult indeed creating somewhat of a downward spiral.

Everyone is different, I do martial arts, specifically Judo or JuJitsu, less frequently Muay Thai. I found that it was beneficial to me for several reasons:

1. it gets me out of work, I have to be somewhere at a certain time, and even though sometimes I have to go back to work after, its a guarantee that I cant work during those 2 hours.
2. I have a ton of training partners that are counting on me to be there, and motivating me to train, which further motivates me.
3. Being that the first 2 arts don't involve striking, I can go 110% with little risk of injury. Its like sprinting for hours.
4. it involves as much mental as physical energy and focus, sort of like real time chess. And when someone is trying to break your arms off, work is the absolute last thing on your mind, which is nice.
5. It creates something of a lifestyle change, so you are not just working, but you have to focus on getting better at something outside of work that is not related. Its often easy to forget the importance of these types of activities.

But sometimes I also just go for a surf and that helps a lot too.

Brazilian jiu jitsu works wonders for me...haven't been in a while (injuries), but nothing clears my head better than a few hours of getting beat up.

 

[Sid23]

Thanks everyone for the great ideas and suggestions. I'm taking the day off tomorrow and will definitely be sleeping in and then doing some yoga.

I guess when you get a certain level of responsibility, this type of stress is always present, huh? It's just how you deal with it...

 

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[Runum]

I get a back and neck massage every two weeks.

 

[Banthaman]

I agree with the mental practicing aspect of quieting the mind (I don't hold stock in the mysticisms only the science) I have used this and have shared it with my wife who used it to get through 4 all natural labors ... so I can vouch for its effectiveness. I had a little book on the method (something like A little book for quieting th mind) but cant remember off hand. Basically, get in a comfortable position siting up, pick a somewhat distant spot in the room to focus on and closing your eyes half way count your breaths in through the nose out the mouth 1,2,3,4 ... repeat. I also visualize the numbers as I'm counting. Personally, it has helped reduce my stress dramatically and helped me get through some 2- hours-of-sleep nights. the candle method works too, I just use this because I don't always have a medium.

 

[Yankees338]

I think the most important thing is to do something you enjoy or that makes you feel good. Getting a massage sounds like a good idea to me; getting out to play some baseball, tennis, basketball, or football is great for me, too.

Also, think about the absolute worst case scenario (realistically speaking). The worst thing I can imagine for you would be to lose your job. Yeah, that would suck, but it would give you a reason to get started on your own personal investing sooner! It could always just be a blessing in disguise. Don't dwell on the things that are troubling you, but just put things in perspective. Maybe you can watch a movie, too. Think about how lucky you are to be in the position that you're in, and use that stress to motivate you.

I realize I'm a few days late on this, by the way. How'd that day off work for you?

 

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[unicon]

I want to preface this response in that currently I am older and can get away without the level of physical discipline of my youth. Being somewhat evolved mentally you can coast a bit but I believe it hampers growth.

As a basic minimum routine I personally do a mimimum of 200 situps everymorning and lift weights before hitting shower, I do a minimum of 20 squats in the shower. This gets core, upper body, and legs going before I get out of the house. I have done this minimum for at least 30 years.

In evenings I "used" to go to the gym every day and rotate lifting for an hour minimum with a partner. This partner died so I sluffed off, the work out partner was very helpful especially if you are close friends. My partner had spent years weight lifting and I learned from him. The evening routine represented real measured growth and control.

Control is a key word here in that physical exercise is absolutely necessary to perform at the highest with clarity, it is the base for mental activity. I was not the smartest but the physical could always overpower my mental limitations given that I was organized.

Mentally first think in terms of the big picture and learn to prioritize.

Know that there are 3 skills: Conceptual, Human, and Technical - That these are what you will need to accomplish what you want to do.

Rk has a triangle in putting together a business, but I "list" these sub skills as
1) Conceptual-------------Why
2) Communication---------Who
3) Management-----------When
4) Organization-----------Where
5) Mechanics-------------How
6) Transactions-----------What

The key technical skill is organization
The key human skill is communication
The key conceptual skill is linking

Knowing the above framework will allow you to stay in control. The core technical skill of organization is the practical center to conquer time. Controlling time eliminates stress. You are also embracing organization so you are actually growing which is good stress.

Thus you are now growing physically and mentally as you work.

mental/physical = courage/work = heaven/earth = intangible/tangible = output/input

You become efficient

The optimum organizational tool which conquers time is a "List" therefore really study a list, put your lists in a 3-ring binder -- faster than a computer. Prioritizing involves re-organizing the list itself. A 3-ring binder that communicates will also motivate because it is clear and free of clutter. It will become a system and will do the work for you. It will answer every question before it is asked. Answers will come from the elimination of clutter as opposed to any useless activity defined as work.

With the above framework you have the success formula and if you stick to the fundamentals you will be successful.

The Tools and Concepts to facilitate growth and solve problems are in itself a "LIST":
1) We are all searchers and builders (not unlike hunters & gatherers)
2) What we are looking for is right in front of our nose
3) The answer will be simple (premise)
4) The optimum tool for surfacing what we are looking for is a list (a child can do it)
5) The list is the simplest most effective organizational tool
6) With 100% organization we can make time stand still
7) Therefore prioritize our lists with perfection (link)
8) When the list is perfect (or towards perfection) it communicates and clarifys direction
9) With communication you can inspire, teach, educate, learn to build more lists and test the truth
10) A list must have all 3 controls to be effective or its powerless (heading, numerical control, and vocabulary control)
11) A list is the ultimate in simplicity an is built upon
12) It takes real work, courage, and think time to build a quality list
13) A Question is what triggers the list
14) The Answer is in the list
15) To grow study lists for their secrets and discipline
16) You cannot find your calling without facing the truth and asking hard questions

As a practical example when I read great books I must outline or make a list of every concept in that book. One book may have 184 concepts when I am done, another may have 386 concepts or universal truths. They flow and are linked.

I further rank the top 20 list of best books. Within book 5, I may have 400 concepts. Because I attempt to rank the greatest truths and the greatest authors I develop a skill and a discipline of linking many different views and lines of thought. I am constantly ranking, constantly listing, looking for flaws in thinking. This gives me a global view and a global understanding based upon quality.

I don't just read the books I document them, I give them the priority they deserve, this gives me an edge. If I only read a book one time I would be missing out and not remember salient features. By making lists I miss nothing and I am building on what I learned before at optimum speed.

Finally I am able to discern real quality and therefore have real power, this is the optimum way to learn. When you study a list you can expand on its memory faciltation as well as its mathematical speed.

I better stop here!!!!!!!

 

[mtnman]

Good post. Some speed. I resonate with some of what you're saying.

It's almost as if some of your description describes a "physical" (on paper) mind mapping technique. It's simple, but there is quite a bit of specifics to building the proper list. Care to show an example?

 

[Bilgefisher]

All good replies. The key with stress relief is do what works for you.

-working out releases chemicals in the body that relax you. Sex is one of the greatest workouts you can have.

-Yoga works through breathing control and muscle relaxation.

One way I have found is deep breaths. Very slowly inhale count if you must. Then exhale deeply. Do this several times in a row and it helps tremendously. This oxygenates your blood.

-healthy living can go a long ways. When I work out more often, my resting heart rate is much lower. This helps on days when I haven't worked out.

-attitude. When I was in the Navy, I worried about everything, had a crappy life style and horrible diet. As I was starting to leave though, I realized that if something doesn't get done, the sun will still come up. Fight the battles you can have an effect on, don't worry about stuff that doesn't effect you and is not possible to change.

-also, I go and enjoy the scenery. I live in Colorado so its easy, but I will find I nice spot in the mountains and relax for about 4 hours and do absolutely nothing or read a book. Does wonders. Well thats what works for me...hope you can find some answers in there.

 

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[werbl]

Interesting thread. Like other posters, I work out, ride my bike, or run. I agree, this works great. Another thing that helps me, is just trying to lighten up. I find that once my stress level gets too high, I have to abandon whatever I'm working on for a little while. Then I just try to put myself in a better mood. I make an effort to feel happier. I'll force a smile - sometimes it really does help, play with the dogs, hang out with friends, or even watch an episode of Family Guy. After that I'm able to come back to the task and it feels easier.

One of the things I've been thinking about lately, is mental and emotional training. For example, when I first started running, 1 mile was a real struggle. Now a 3 mile run is on the shorter side for me. Easy. Something similar must apply mentally and emotionally, especially in dealing with stress. Have any of you - especially those that feel they handle stress extremely well, tried anything like this? Intentionally training yourself?

 

[fanocks2003]

Interesting thread. Like other posters, I work out, ride my bike, or run. I agree, this works great. Another thing that helps me, is just trying to lighten up. I find that once my stress level gets too high, I have to abandon whatever I'm working on for a little while. Then I just try to put myself in a better mood. I make an effort to feel happier. I'll force a smile - sometimes it really does help, play with the dogs, hang out with friends, or even watch an episode of Family Guy. After that I'm able to come back to the task and it feels easier.

One of the things I've been thinking about lately, is mental and emotional training. For example, when I first started running, 1 mile was a real struggle. Now a 3 mile run is on the shorter side for me. Easy. Something similar must apply mentally and emotionally, especially in dealing with stress. Have any of you - especially those that feel they handle stress extremely well, tried anything like this? Intentionally training yourself?

It is always great doing some hard fitness training like spinning etc. That always reliefs me of a lot of stress. Sleeping is also a great way of creating a calm mind. Drink camomille (unsure of the spelling) tea, a great substitute when trying to sleep.

 

[SteveO]

You have some great responses. Working out is critical. I run a lot of miles and feel like it clears my mind to an extent.

Stress is tough. But when it comes down to it, that is what we thrive on. Accomplishing tough tasks and seeing the results leads to some real gratification. But this is only temporary and it needs to be repeated to keep it going.

Lack of success will lead to some strong emotions as well. Hopefully toward digging in and learning how to succeed the next go round.

I find that if I break larger projects into smaller ones, that I can get my sense of accomplishment more often. It is nice to see the pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

 

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[unicon]

Mtnman

Don't have much time, but didn't I give you 3 specific lists and two other examples?

You are right merging the thinking with writing the list is a physical activity.

Incorporating a physical activity into your mental activity adds focus.

 

[mtnman]

Mtnman

Don't have much time, but didn't I give you 3 specific lists and two other examples?

You are right merging the thinking with writing the list is a physical activity.

Incorporating a physical activity into your mental activity adds focus.

I'll read your post again. It may have been really late when I checked this thread. Fastlane knowledge has been known to keep me up at night! Thanks

 

[^eagle^]

The breath and the emotions are inter related. When we are happy and content we are fully breathing all the way down into the belly. when we are stressed our breath shortens into thoratic gasps. By controlling our breathing we control our emotions.

I learned this from ten years of Tai chi training. Anything that gets your breath flowing deeply will help. Whether its exercise, sex, or meditation. That is why they all work.

So concentrate on fully breathing. Take five minutes to just "BREATHE" It will calm down your sympathetic nervous system and put you in the here and now.

Another thing that will help is adding small amounts of carbohydrates in your diet. Carbohydrates will raise blood sugar levels and stabilize mood. you can do this by eating a low glycemic index diet or by eating small amounts of carbohydrates

I used to train managers for a corporation And I had this one guy who was just off the wall freaking about everything. when I asked him what had eaten today he said "pork rinds" Which have ZERO carbohydratres. I got him to eat some grahm crackers and instantly he changed into the coolest mellowist guy you would ever want to meet. He thanked me profusely for this knowledge.

 

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