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Living the Fake Life...

Almantas

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Hi guys,

I have a question that has been bothering me for a long while now...it's somewhat related to Andrew and some of my friends.

I have one friend who is close to my heart. He's living a fake life. He's making things up, like his education and work experience (don't get me wrong, he's damn smart and you couldn't guess he doesn't have that level of education or work experience). He's living in the world he has created for himself and sometimes cannot differentiate between real and imaginary.

He said it gives him confidence in pursuing his goals and attracts like-minded people into his life. He's not selling anything - he's helping people and sharing knowledge for free and people appreciate it a lot. He's very gentle and polite guy. I am just a bit concerned about him, that's all.

Maybe there are forum members like my friend and Andrew who are afraid of coming forward. So, Andrew's threads aside, what advice would you give someone like my friend?

Thanks
 

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Almantas

Almantas

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My advice would be that it has no real bearing on your life. Can you find the humor in it? Otherwise, let it go.
I get it. Sometimes I sugarcoat things too, but minimally - I think we all do so sometimes. My friend's approach is something I can not comprehend, although I am extremely humbled that he's so honest and open with me - probably, because I don't judge him and never share his secrets with anyone.
 
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Almantas

Almantas

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I don't understand the question. Your friends is a lying impostor, where is the question?
The question is how can I help him?
 

jon.a

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The question is how can I help him?
You indicated that you've spoke with him and he likes what he's doing. There's no help to given by you.

Be careful to keep your dealings at enough arms length, that if he crashes he doesn't take you with him.
 

p0stscript

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probably, because I don't judge him and never share his secrets with anyone
Blown that one slightly ;)
Back to your original question, what advice would I give to someone like your friend? I'd advise him to stop, stop lying to others and more importantly himself
He said it gives him confidence in pursuing his goals and attracts like-minded people into his life.
Help him to get the confidence without the lie. Shakespeare put it far better:
"This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man"
 
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Almantas

Almantas

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Blown that one slightly ;)
I meant in a real world. It could open flood gates if people around him knew about this. But you're partially right nonetheless, lol.
 

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I had a "friend" that was attempting to fake it until he made it.

He now occupies a 10x10 cell in Leavenworth Prison where he will spend the rest of his life.

Be careful who your friends are. I measure you by the company that you keep.
 

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Ninjakid

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Dude, I feel like you're a little too unphased by this. This is not the type of person you want in your life.

He's very gentle and polite guy.
Every scam artist, serial killer, and child molester seems like a nice guy. Ted Bundy didn't get all those women into his van because he was an a**hole. I'm not saying your friend is this type of evil, but the idea is the same: deceive someone to meet your own ends.

Think of all the people he's deceived so far. When they find out he's not who he says, how will they feel? Betrayed?

Andrew seemed like a nice guy but he turned out to be a fraud and a snake in the grass. That's what your friend is.

I wouldn't be friends with someone like this on the basis I would never be able to trust them.
 

MJ DeMarco

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I had a "friend" that was attempting to fake it until he made it.
We probably need a thread on the difference between "fake it until you make it" and pure deception. Where's the line? Is there a line? Is there a such thing as a good "fake it until you make it?"
 

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WJK

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Hi guys,

I have a question that has been bothering me for a long while now...it's somewhat related to Andrew and some of my friends.

I have one friend who is close to my heart. He's living a fake life. He's making things up, like his education and work experience (don't get me wrong, he's damn smart and you couldn't guess he doesn't have that level of education or work experience). He's living in the world he has created for himself and sometimes cannot differentiate between real and imaginary.

He said it gives him confidence in pursuing his goals and attracts like-minded people into his life. He's not selling anything - he's helping people and sharing knowledge for free and people appreciate it a lot. He's very gentle and polite guy. I am just a bit concerned about him, that's all.

Maybe there are forum members like my friend and Andrew who are afraid of coming forward. So, Andrew's threads aside, what advice would you give someone like my friend?

Thanks
Isn't that why people throw away their time playing video games? Is that why people give up their true selves to social climb?
You're friend doesn't feel like he's worthy. The reason he gives away his work and makes stuff up is because he afraid that he isn't enough; his underlying fear is that people will reject him if he asks for anything, or reveals his real self. Everyone has that fear to a certain extent. You friend just has an acute case of it. And, if anyone says any negative, I bet he's hyper sensitive to it. He probably lays awake at night, worrying about the nuances of every word directed or might be directed toward him.

I bet he had a parent (or adult) who really ripped him when he was a kid. He learned early that he can't fight back and live through a confrontation. He like a baby elephant. They chain baby elephants and teach them that they can't escape that chain. Then, as adults, when they can easily break the chain, the elephant doesn't even try.

About the best you do for him to encourage him to take some small risks -- maybe some baby steps into getting paid for his work. If you are not really gentle with him, he'll take it as a personal rejection -- and he will really make himself suffer for anything that you say to him.
 

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@Almantas


One of my top 10 favorite quotes in the world:

‘You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’
(Variously attributed to Peter Drucker and lots of others).

In my experience, I don’t even want to associate as an acquantience with someone who doesn’t have similar standards to myself. I am not looking for an angel for every friend, but I expect honesty, trustworthiness and other things from those around me.

And they expect the exact same back.
When I have found people to be less than I thought, I have distanced myself from them.

I hung out with one or two shady characters back in my school days, and I got nothing good from it.


My experience is, those people can drag me down, and I have the free choice to associate with them or not.

These days, like the quote instructs: I don’t hang out with anyone who doesn’t lift me up.
 

WJK

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@Almantas


One of my top 10 favorite quotes in the world:

‘You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’
(Variously attributed to Peter Drucker and lots of others).

In my experience, I don’t even want to associate as an acquantience with someone who doesn’t have similar standards to myself. I am not looking for an angel for every friend, but I expect honesty, trustworthiness and other things from those around me.

And they expect the exact same back.
When I have found people to be less than I thought, I have distanced myself from them.

I hung out with one or two shady characters back in my school days, and I got nothing good from it.


My experience is, those people can drag me down, and I have the free choice to associate with them or not.

These days, like the quote instructs: I don’t hang out with anyone who doesn’t lift me up.
And, I'm sure this working well for you at this moment. I felt the same way when I was young and clawing my way up the food chain.

BUT, life happens to all of us along the way. I know you won't be exempt. I hope you create the relationships now that will support you when your life crashes, in one way or another. I know a lot of very successful people, who have ended up hating their lives. They traded away, or ignored, everything that had meaning to them. Money simply magnifies who you are. You can sure improve you future life by working on your core issues and relationships along the way of creating your financial success.
 

TonyStark

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We probably need a thread on the difference between "fake it until you make it" and pure deception. Where's the line? Is there a line? Is there a such thing as a good "fake it until you make it?"
I think the line is drawn when you take someone’s money. Then you better live up to those expectations!
 

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