The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

GOLD! Lex DeVille's: 15 Days to Freedom - Make Money Copywriting in 15 Days or Less

Accelerate wealth. Build a business that pays freedom. Join more than 70,000 entrepreneurs and register for the Fastlane Entrepreneur forum. Remove ads? Join the INSIDERS.

JDx

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
May 11, 2016
160
367
184
Amsterdam
Making up some good headlines is proving to be quite the challenge! Couldn't have thought it would.

For the day 3 challenge I've written a 'small' piece. I would appreciate your honest feedback!


"The Mountain-pass Exotics Tour"

Imagine the roaring sound of your engine, beautiful green scenery and the biggest smile on your face.
While speeding along the green mountainpasses you get to experience your car like never before.
Downshifting for a tight left hand turn, hitting the apex, and then the acceleration. Amazing.

On May 8th, 2017, the Mountain-pass Exotics Tour will take our guests along the finest routes of Europe. Cruising the Alps, placeXYZ, and passing through ABC before finishing at "THE MANSION" in Monaco.

All drivers will be welcomed at Castle ZYX with a breakfast banquet before heading off toward TOWN-A, where the 666km route will unfold.


The Tour will include:
  • 666km of the finest breath-taking roads Europe has to offer.

  • All inclusive meal arrangements, where your taste senses will be stunned through our Breakfast Banquet at Castle ZYX, Lunch at Castle 2 and closing diner at "The Mansion".

  • To ensure maximum driving pleasure, all drivers will receive a full gas fill-up card, to be used at any of the FASTLANE gas stations along the route.


Just 100 participants will be accepted for this tour, so all those who are interested are encouraged to sign up as soon as possible.
Submissions close on Friday, September 31st, after which no new participants will be accepted.


Will you join us on the 8th of May?


Sign up now. Join the select few, on the drive of a lifetime.

<sign up button>

--

Thanks in advance!
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
Day 5 Challenge


1. Solve a problem for someone. No matter how big or small, and don't ask anything in return.

2. Write 5 headlines for a real product that MAKES THEM STOP!

3. Write 5 influential sentences using the lessons from day 3.

4. Take 1 action you are most afraid of. Just do it.


5. Type a page of copy selling a real product, using a good headline, subheadlines, & the techniques listed in this lesson.​

Decided to use this to try to sell my mattress on craigslist. Liking these challenges!

Day 5 Challenge


1. Baby proofed my girlfriends house so she doesn’t have to chase the baby everywhere.


2. “Space X, Invest in the Future”

“How to Stop Being Lazy and Start taking Action”

“White Noise Machine, Sleep like a Baby!”

“Foot Therapy Pro, Fix Your Own Achy Feet!”

“Gas X, So Your Girlfriend Can Breath Again.”

“DRIBBLE, SHOOT, SCORE”


3. Over the next few days you should decide if you want this.

Grab your free teddy bear NOW.

You should have this down by friday.

Look at all of the things you are missing out on, you need this right away!

Hopefully these don’t run out by Christmas! There is only one week left!

4. Use new skills to sell mattress on craigslist.

5.
SUPER Soft Foam Mattress, Sleep Like a Baby.


Ever want a nice, soft, fluffy mattress that you


just sink into?


Ever want that mattress for a 3rd of the price?


This mattress has 3 layers of foam for ultimate comfort


while still giving maximum support. You also get


A brand new mite protective Mattress cover to


keep out the



nasty crawling bugs.


This will sell FAST so buy it NOW.


Text David at xxx-xxx-xxxx


$300
 
Last edited:

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
That's the thing, I did spend 20 hours digging them up. You could hire a VA but I didn't.

Most Clickbank sales pages have contact pages with an email.

Well, the reward is worth it ;)

Man.. I've sent around 40 proposals so far probably and got 1 job. This is mad disheartening.. Am I doing something wrong or is it just because I have only 2 reviews of previous jobs on my profile?

Here's one of my proposals for a client who wanted a Clickbank style sales funnel made:

----

Hello there!

Awesome Conversion Focused Copywriter And Sales Funnel Expert Ready To Craft You Some Killer Sales Material And Become a Long-Term Partner...

I noticed that you're looking for a kick a$$ copywriter/sales funnel expert for you weight loss product launch.

Everything you talked about on your job posting is my EXACT area of expertise. + I've been in the fitness industry for 8+ years, which makes it incredibly easy for me to craft the marketing message around your target markets needs, painpoints, and desires.

I've built tons of sales funnels with different uppsell structures with very high converting video sales letters. + I've done multiple email sequences for my own online business and clients businesses. I love critiquing video sales letters and I can easily identify how to make it better, because I know the exact structure, wording, and persuasion techniques that should be used in a high converting VSL.

-----

I attached a couple of different sales video script examples for you to get an idea of my copywriting and marketing skills.

The first one is a video sales letter script (example named: ''customer captivation offer'') that I made for a client who sells information products to females looking to compete in fitness competitions. The exact product sold with that video was a course on getting super lean for a competition and winning it. (check out the blue text under the actual script to see my explanation of the strategic marketing purpose of the sentences and words. This will give you good idea of my marketing, sales, and persuasion skills.)

The second example (example named ''tripwire sales letter'') was for another fitness business owner who sold a low dollar tripwire offer with this video sales letter. Both of these projects were very successful and the clients very happy.

-----

My education in creating video sales letters had come from today's highest level internet marketers like Perry Belcher and Todd Brown who pull in millions in sales with VSL's. I've invested thousands and thousands in courses and bootcamps to learn from these guys. And I credit the success of my VSL's to these two incredible guys.

-----

Now, I know you're probably get a bunch of lowball bids...

But you really want to risk this project on a lowest bidder, and not for the best copywriter and sales funnel expert?

I'm super excited to work with you on this project and create a long term relationship. Hit me up and let's get to work!!

-Mike
 

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
Well, the reward is worth it ;)

Man.. I've sent around 40 proposals so far probably and got 1 job. This is mad disheartening.. Am I doing something wrong or is it just because I have only 2 reviews of previous jobs on my profile?

Here's one of my proposals for a client who wanted a Clickbank style sales funnel made:

----

Hello there!

Awesome Conversion Focused Copywriter And Sales Funnel Expert Ready To Craft You Some Killer Sales Material And Become a Long-Term Partner...

I noticed that you're looking for a kick a$$ copywriter/sales funnel expert for you weight loss product launch.

Everything you talked about on your job posting is my EXACT area of expertise. + I've been in the fitness industry for 8+ years, which makes it incredibly easy for me to craft the marketing message around your target markets needs, painpoints, and desires.

I've built tons of sales funnels with different uppsell structures with very high converting video sales letters. + I've done multiple email sequences for my own online business and clients businesses. I love critiquing video sales letters and I can easily identify how to make it better, because I know the exact structure, wording, and persuasion techniques that should be used in a high converting VSL.

-----

I attached a couple of different sales video script examples for you to get an idea of my copywriting and marketing skills.

The first one is a video sales letter script (example named: ''customer captivation offer'') that I made for a client who sells information products to females looking to compete in fitness competitions. The exact product sold with that video was a course on getting super lean for a competition and winning it. (check out the blue text under the actual script to see my explanation of the strategic marketing purpose of the sentences and words. This will give you good idea of my marketing, sales, and persuasion skills.)

The second example (example named ''tripwire sales letter'') was for another fitness business owner who sold a low dollar tripwire offer with this video sales letter. Both of these projects were very successful and the clients very happy.

-----

My education in creating video sales letters had come from today's highest level internet marketers like Perry Belcher and Todd Brown who pull in millions in sales with VSL's. I've invested thousands and thousands in courses and bootcamps to learn from these guys. And I credit the success of my VSL's to these two incredible guys.

-----

Now, I know you're probably get a bunch of lowball bids...

But you really want to risk this project on a lowest bidder, and not for the best copywriter and sales funnel expert?

I'm super excited to work with you on this project and create a long term relationship. Hit me up and let's get to work!!

-Mike

Don't say I, me, I've, we. Only say YOU. The customer doesn't care about

you. Show the customer what you are GOING to do for them.

Don't say what you can do for them.

SHOW THEM

Re-read the first post on this thread.

Ingrain the wisdom that you so truly desire.

Then read it out loud so it's THUNDER in your mind.

First sentence says what YOU are. Try starting with

a question!


ABOUT THEM


You also have a lot of

FILLER

Make each word count.

Short and sweet or they won't read.

Add some tasty gummi bear FLAVOR into your writing.

Make them taste your rainbow of gummi bear skills.

Do it don't

SPEW IT

Do this 15 day challenge if you haven't already done it.

Do it again if you already have.

You are missing many of the fundamentals that are

in this thread.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
Don't say I, me, I've, we. Only say YOU. The customer doesn't care about

you. Show the customer what you are GOING to do for them.

Don't say what you can do for them.

SHOW THEM

Re-read the first post on this thread.

Ingrain the wisdom that you so truly desire.

Then read it out loud so it's THUNDER in your mind.

First sentence says what YOU are. Try starting with

a question!


ABOUT THEM


You also have a lot of

FILLER

Make each word count.

Short and sweet or they won't read.

Add some tasty gummi bear FLAVOR into your writing.

Make them taste your rainbow of gummi bear skills.

Do it don't

SPEW IT

Do this 15 day challenge if you haven't already done it.

Do it again if you already have.

You are missing many of the fundamentals that are

in this thread.

How do I show them what I'm going to do? Just by referring to examples? Didn't I do that in my proposal? I linked to 2 related projects.

And yes I will go through this challenge, my writing needs a lot of improvement. I'm not a native english speaker.
 

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
How do I show them what I'm going to do? Just by referring to examples? Didn't I do that in my proposal? I linked to 2 related projects.

And yes I will go through this challenge, my writing needs a lot of improvement. I'm not a native english speaker.
Tell them exactly what you are going to do for them.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
Tell them exactly what you are going to do for them.

Like ''I did this and this for a client and with I will build you xyz funnel with this type of sales letter and the benefit is this'' in that type of fashion?
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
Hello there!

Awesome Conversion Focused Copywriter And Sales Funnel Expert Ready To Craft You Some Killer Sales Material And Become a Long-Term Partner...

Let's break this thing down.

First, your headline (the sentence above) goes at the top. Before "Hi there," because you're writing for someone who wants sales copy. That's how you start to show them. You HAVE to GET their ATTENTION because that's what they expect (when you're dealing with someone who specifically says they want a "sales" copywriter.)

Second, your headline sentence is wayyyy to long. Make it like 8 words or less so they can scan and read it fast.

I noticed that you're looking for a kick a$$ copywriter/sales funnel expert for you weight loss product launch.

There's a grammar error in this sentence. You are done.

Everything you talked about on your job posting is my EXACT area of expertise. + I've been in the fitness industry for 8+ years, which makes it incredibly easy for me to craft the marketing message around your target markets needs, painpoints, and desires.

There's a spacing error in this sentence. You are done.

Plus you broke the golden rule and started talking about your experience. You switched from a Y.O.U. focus to a M.E. focus. If it was so easy to craft a marketing message for a target market, then your message should already have proven itself to your client.

Avoid claims like that unless you can back it up with some kind of visual or numbers.

I've built tons of sales funnels with different uppsell structures with very high converting video sales letters. + I've done multiple email sequences for my own online business and clients businesses. I love critiquing video sales letters and I can easily identify how to make it better, because I know the exact structure, wording, and persuasion techniques that should be used in a high converting VSL.

There's a spelling error in this sentence. You are done.

Too much M.E. focus here. Clients don't care about your business, your clients, or what you love.

I attached a couple of different sales video script examples for you to get an idea of my copywriting and marketing skills.

This is good. Keep this.

The first one is a video sales letter script (example named: ''customer captivation offer'') that I made for a client who sells information products to females looking to compete in fitness competitions. The exact product sold with that video was a course on getting super lean for a competition and winning it. (check out the blue text under the actual script to see my explanation of the strategic marketing purpose of the sentences and words. This will give you good idea of my marketing, sales, and persuasion skills.)

Paragraph is too long. Hard to read.

You used the word "exact" for a second time. This tells me your vocab probably isn't strong.

By now the client already has a good idea of your marketing skills. He knows you're not a pro.

The second example (example named ''tripwire sales letter'') was for another fitness business owner who sold a low dollar tripwire offer with this video sales letter. Both of these projects were very successful and the clients very happy.

Explaining each example makes them feel stupid. Like they can't figure it out on their own.

If your copy's clear, they should be able to figure it out no problem.

My education in creating video sales letters had come from today's highest level internet marketers like Perry Belcher and Todd Brown who pull in millions in sales with VSL's. I've invested thousands and thousands in courses and bootcamps to learn from these guys. And I credit the success of my VSL's to these two incredible guys.

Improper usage of the word "had."

"Thousands and thousands" really?

Personally, I wouldn't believe a word of this.

Now, I know you're probably get a bunch of lowball bids...

"Get" should have an "ing" on the end.

But you really want to risk this project on a lowest bidder, and not for the best copywriter and sales funnel expert?

The word "do" should come after "But" and you just planted a seed in your client's mind with the word "risk." Now he's thinking about risk and associating it with you.

I'm super excited to work with you on this project and create a long term relationship. Hit me up and let's get to work!!

Another M.E. focused sentence. He doesn't care what you're excited about.

---

So you wrote a long letter...congratulations.

But it still looks like every other application, just more of the same.

Based on what you said about risking low-budget freelancers, I'll assume your rates are set higher.

Your copy doesn't back it up. You need more low-budget gigs to build experience.

Stop sending so many applications. You're wasting your time.

I've never sent more than 5 applications before getting a gig. You know why?

Because I spend 2-5 hours perfecting an application and making sure I didn't miss a damn thing.

One single spelling or grammar error is enough to get skipped over.

It's enough to prove you're not the one.

They want the guy who knows his shit, and takes the time to do it right.

You wanna get paid like a pro, you gotta be a pro. 1 error is 1 too many. Take your time. Do it right.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
Let's break this thing down.

First, your headline (the sentence above) goes at the top. Before "Hi there," because you're writing for someone who wants sales copy. That's how you start to show them. You HAVE to GET their ATTENTION because that's what they expect (when you're dealing with someone who specifically says they want a "sales" copywriter.)

Second, your headline sentence is wayyyy to long. Make it like 8 words or less so they can scan and read it fast.



There's a grammar error in this sentence. You are done.



There's a spacing error in this sentence. You are done.

Plus you broke the golden rule and started talking about your experience. You switched from a Y.O.U. focus to a M.E. focus. If it was so easy to craft a marketing message for a target market, then your message should already have proven itself to your client.

Avoid claims like that unless you can back it up with some kind of visual or numbers.



There's a spelling error in this sentence. You are done.

Too much M.E. focus here. Clients don't care about your business, your clients, or what you love.



This is good. Keep this.



Paragraph is too long. Hard to read.

You used the word "exact" for a second time. This tells me your vocab probably isn't strong.

By now the client already has a good idea of your marketing skills. He knows you're not a pro.



Explaining each example makes them feel stupid. Like they can't figure it out on their own.

If your copy's clear, they should be able to figure it out no problem.



Improper usage of the word "had."

"Thousands and thousands" really?

Personally, I wouldn't believe a word of this.



"Get" should have an "ing" on the end.



The word "do" should come after "But" and you just planted a seed in your client's mind with the word "risk." Now he's thinking about risk and associating it with you.



Another M.E. focused sentence. He doesn't care what you're excited about.

---

So you wrote a long letter...congratulations.

But it still looks like every other application, just more of the same.

Based on what you said about risking low-budget freelancers, I'll assume your rates are set higher.

Your copy doesn't back it up. You need more low-budget gigs to build experience.

Stop sending so many applications. You're wasting your time.

I've never sent more than 5 applications before getting a gig. You know why?

Because I spend 2-5 hours perfecting an application and making sure I didn't miss a damn thing.

One single spelling or grammar error is enough to get skipped over.

It's enough to prove you're not the one.

They want the guy who knows his shit, and takes the time to do it right.

You wanna get paid like a pro, you gotta be a pro. 1 error is 1 too many. Take your time. Do it right.

Really appreciate you for doing a breakdown.

You pointed out so many things I didn't even consider while writing my proposal, and fixed my mindset toward writing proposals! Thank you.

So I'll lower my rate a bit and get a few more successful jobs under my belt. Would you recommend applying to copy jobs or like content writing gigs, which are probably easier to get with only two successful jobs on my profile. Both have 5 stars and a great written review from client. Whadya think?

And I would really love if you could PM me or post here on of your proposals that got the job for you, that I could model and look at your structure. :)
 
Last edited:

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
Like ''I did this and this for a client and with I will build you xyz funnel with this type of sales letter and the benefit is this'' in that type of fashion?
They don't care what you've done for other clients.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
They don't care what you've done for other clients.

They do want to see examples of previous work of course? Who hires someone who has never done projects for clients?
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
They do want to see examples of previous work of course? Who hires someone who has never done projects for clients?
Give examples after your main body. To back up what you've said.
 

Brandon Parker

All or nothing
Speedway Pass
Apr 16, 2015
34
67
118
25
Anchorage, AK
Really appreciate you for doing a breakdown.

You pointed out so many things I didn't even consider while writing my proposal, and fixed my mindset toward writing proposals! Thank you.

So I'll lower my rate a bit and get a few more successful jobs under my belt. Would you recommend applying to copy jobs or like content writing gigs, which are probably easier to get with only two successful jobs on my profile. Both have 5 stars and a great written review from client. Whadya think?

And I would really love if you could PM me or post here on of your proposals that got the job for you, that I could model and look at your structure. :)

I think you should go for article writing gigs and build up from there. This will get you more ratings and allow you to improve your writing. Grammar mistakes really will kill you, and I noticed a handful of them throughout your proposal.

You can do whatever you want, but I'd highly recommend improving your grammar/writing style before even attempting to write copy. Just keep practicing, you'll get better. Also, have you tried the Grammarly chrome extension? It's not perfect, but it will help you identify some grammar mistakes.

The most important thing you should do is re-read and edit your proposals. You'll catch most grammar mistakes by simply reading it back in your head or out loud.

They don't care what you've done for other clients.

I partially disagree with this. If what you've done for other clients proves that it can help your client as well, go for it. For example: if you are applying to a sales gigs, you can explain how you got results for a client by writing a sales letter, or whatever it may be. Clients want results, and any proof helps if it's communicated properly.

The key is that the experience is related and provides proof of results. Otherwise, don't even bother.
 
Last edited:

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
Day 6 Challenge

1. Help someone in some way without asking anything in return.
2. Choose a product and write sales letter for it. Before you start, prepare a specific outcome for your letter.
3. Write the headline for the letter to MAKE THEM STOP & have an emotional impact.
4. Weave techniques of influence into the body to carry that emotional impact throughout the letter.
5. Finalize the letter by driving your prospect with emotion to take some action.
(Click Here, Join Now, etc.)
6. Take some action that you've been too scared to take.

"Soul(er) Panel Future"

Do you ever feel bad that you are leaving too BIG of a carbon footprint here

------------------------------------------------------on Earth?-----------------------------------------------------------

Do you wonder if there are ways that you can reduce their IMPACT

on the environment?

You've pondered some different ideas.

Get an electric car? Recycle? Pick up trash?--------------Solar panels?

More and more people are switching to Solar Panels. They are getting cheaper and more efficient every year.

They are collectively starting to make a difference. How about a thought experiment?

We'll call all of the people who have switched to Solar panels "Soul(er) People"

Anyone in the next 100 years will be a soul person. The more soul people there are. The more impact they will have.

When Historians 100 years from now

look back and see who made HUGE contributions to fixing our planet.

Soul people will be a BIG determining factor.

Living off the sun is more than just powering your house.

MORE than just saving money.

MORE than being off the grid.

It is a VISION.

One that you will help to create.

The human race

and all other earthlings.

need you to act NOW

The more demand there is for solar panels

--------------------------the more effective they will get

They will become cheaper and cheaper.

We will be one step closer to

-----------------------------------A sustainable future

-----------------------------------------------------------------------for our children.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
I think you should go for article writing gigs and build up from there. This will get you more ratings and allow you to improve your writing. Grammar mistakes really will kill you, and I noticed a handful of them throughout your proposal.

You can do whatever you want, but I'd highly recommend improving your grammar/writing style before even attempting to write copy. Just keep practicing, you'll get better. Also, have you tried the Grammarly chrome extension? It's not perfect, but it will help you identify some grammar mistakes.

The most important thing you should do is re-read and edit your proposals. You'll catch most grammar mistakes by simply reading it back in your head or out loud.



I partially disagree with this. If what you've done for other clients proves that it can help your client as well, go for it. For example: if you are applying to a sales gigs, you can explain how you got results for a client by writing a sales letter, or whatever it may be. Clients want results, and any proof helps if it's communicated properly.

The key is that the experience is related and provides proof of results. Otherwise, don't even bother.

What should I put my hourly rate as for the content writing gigs? I had my hourly rat eat $20 for the first two copywriting gigs I did.

Actually the grammar mistakes were just because I didn't even bother to re-read my own proposal because I was in a funk when writing it..My writing is good enough when I just focus on it.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
What should I put my hourly rate as for the content writing gigs? I had my hourly rat eat $20 for the first two copywriting gigs I did.

Actually the grammar mistakes were just because I didn't even bother to re-read my own proposal because I was in a funk when writing it..My writing is good enough when I just focus on it.

You should test it and stop asking people to do the work for you because they can't.

Change your rates and note the results. If you like the results, good. If not, try again.

That's what being an entrepreneur is. Until you learn that, you won't make much money.
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
You should test it and stop asking people to do the work for you because they can't.

Change your rates and note the results. If you like the results, good. If not, try again.

That's what being an entrepreneur is. Until you learn that, you won't make much money.

I completely agree.

1. Decide what you want
2. Take action
3. Notice what's working and what's not
4. Change your approach until you get what you want
 

Peakdesire

Burning Desire to Succeed
Speedway Pass
May 16, 2014
372
216
121
You should test it and stop asking people to do the work for you because they can't.

Change your rates and note the results. If you like the results, good. If not, try again.

That's what being an entrepreneur is. Until you learn that, you won't make much money.

Sent 4 proposals today.

Utilized your tips and spent a little more time on the proposals.

Just got done with a phone interview with a dentist from San Diego who owns 2mil+/year dental practice...

Got hired at $15/hour to help him bring an information product to the market which will be sold to dentists via webinar.

Quite a long term project.

And I'll get 3% of the sales revenue of the product + he will hire me for more projects in the future.

On the phone he said ''you didn't have many jobs on your profile but I really liked your proposal and I got the feeling that you took some time to write it out so I respect that.''

Thanks Lex ;)
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
Sent 4 proposals today.

Utilized your tips and spent a little more time on the proposals.

Just got done with a phone interview with a dentist from San Diego who owns 2mil+/year dental practice...

Got hired at $15/hour to help him bring an information product to the market which will be sold to dentists via webinar.

Quite a long term project.

And I'll get 3% of the sales revenue of the product + he will hire me for more projects in the future.

On the phone he said ''you didn't have many jobs on your profile but I really liked your proposal and I got the feeling that you took some time to write it out so I respect that.''

Thanks Lex ;)

Nice work! That's how it's done!
 

Tapp001

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 24, 2016
130
248
164
34
I’m on Day Four, so I’m supposed to take action. One way I am going to take action today is to create an Upworks profile and see if there are any jobs I can apply to there. I’ve already checked out craigslist and will apply to one or two gigs there as well, but they seem to be focused more on general freelance than on copywriting.

Another way I am taking action is posting my five headlines for today.

Product: Industrial Dishwasher (Most of my examples are unsexy products. I’m aiming to work in some sort of industrial niche)

Desires of Client (Owner of a restaurant, or purchaser of equipment for a chain)

· Cost effectiveness (lower per-cycle cost than the next best solution)

· Reliability – Both in terms of time between servicing and the speed and quality of servicing itself

· Existence of supplies to keep the washer running

· Simplicity of Operation (i.e. Can my current staff learn to operate this washer with very little downtime?)

Deadlines

1. Are You Washing Profit Down The Drain?

2. This Washer is ALWAYS In Service

3. Efficient Washing. Extraordinary Service.

4. Durable. Efficient. Guaranteed.

5. Affordable Quality. Dependable Power.
 

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
I’m on Day Four, so I’m supposed to take action. One way I am going to take action today is to create an Upworks profile and see if there are any jobs I can apply to there. I’ve already checked out craigslist and will apply to one or two gigs there as well, but they seem to be focused more on general freelance than on copywriting.

Another way I am taking action is posting my five headlines for today.

Product: Industrial Dishwasher (Most of my examples are unsexy products. I’m aiming to work in some sort of industrial niche)

Desires of Client (Owner of a restaurant, or purchaser of equipment for a chain)

· Cost effectiveness (lower per-cycle cost than the next best solution)

· Reliability – Both in terms of time between servicing and the speed and quality of servicing itself

· Existence of supplies to keep the washer running

· Simplicity of Operation (i.e. Can my current staff learn to operate this washer with very little downtime?)

Deadlines

1. Are You Washing Profit Down The Drain?

2. This Washer is ALWAYS In Service

3. Efficient Washing. Extraordinary Service.

4. Durable. Efficient. Guaranteed.

5. Affordable Quality. Dependable Power.


These are good. Now how can you strengthen them?

"This Washer is ALWAYS in Service
and I'll Prove It Right Now..."

Either a subheadline or just a bit more headline to entice them deeper could work well.

"Are You Washing Profit Down the Drain?"


This could be a great headline with the right images, so I think you're off to a good start.

It would be a little vague without an image of a washing machine, so be careful depending on delivery.

"Is Your Machine Washing Profit Down the Drain?"

Notice how a simple change and an extra word adds clarity that may or may not be needed.

Overall not bad, and I've had clients who specifically requested headlines similar to your last 3.

These are good enough to get gigs for clients who need someone to write headlines.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
"Soul(er) Panel Future"

Do you ever feel bad that you are leaving too BIG of a carbon footprint here

------------------------------------------------------on Earth?-----------------------------------------------------------

Do you wonder if there are ways that you can reduce their IMPACT

on the environment?

You've pondered some different ideas.

Get an electric car? Recycle? Pick up trash?--------------Solar panels?

More and more people are switching to Solar Panels. They are getting cheaper and more efficient every year.

They are collectively starting to make a difference. How about a thought experiment?

We'll call all of the people who have switched to Solar panels "Soul(er) People"

Anyone in the next 100 years will be a soul person. The more soul people there are. The more impact they will have.

When Historians 100 years from now

look back and see who made HUGE contributions to fixing our planet.

Soul people will be a BIG determining factor.

Living off the sun is more than just powering your house.

MORE than just saving money.

MORE than being off the grid.

It is a VISION.

One that you will help to create.

The human race

and all other earthlings.

need you to act NOW

The more demand there is for solar panels

--------------------------the more effective they will get

They will become cheaper and cheaper.

We will be one step closer to

-----------------------------------A sustainable future

-----------------------------------------------------------------------for our children.

This is good enough to get hired on Upwork easily.

You need to clean up your grammar a bit. I think you meant to do it the way you did, but as a client it looks like an error.

You also need a call to action at the end. "You need to act NOW" isn't clear enough.

What action should they take?

Your storytelling is on point. I actually enjoyed reading about "soul" people. :)
 

JDx

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Speedway Pass
May 11, 2016
160
367
184
Amsterdam
Right after I submitted a proposal on Upwork, after having written out a piece of copy for them, the job closes.
They probably forgot to close the job after having hired someone, I guess :rolleyes:

Just wrote an "about us" (day 8) piece for wireless smartphone chargers (my failed webshop :p); please tell me what I can improve!
I'm struggling with applying all the items mentioned in the previous days/lessons, so I catch myself scrolling between the thread pages to look for all the hints.

(quote format to minimize length of post for those who dont want to read it. kind of messes up the format though, everything is italic)
Wireless iPhone Chargers
Let a broken charger cable be a thing of the past.

Imagine waking up in the morning, and finding your phone's battery at 6%.
Was the cable not plugged in? Or was it just not bent in the usual impossible angle?

An empty battery, caused by a broken cable, can ruin a whole day.
Now, you'll constantly have to drag your charging cable with you in order
to charge your phone and stay available.


Instead of fixing the cable, go without it!

Bending your charger cable in all kinds of weird angles is hardly
the right solution to your problem.
Instead of trying to fix it, why not just go without wires completely?

Wireless chargers - for iPhone and Android

At Cablefreebattery, we decided that broken cables should be a thing of the past.
Wireless charging has been around for a few years, but
is only supported by a limited amount of Android phones, like Samsung.
Fortunately, Apple iPhones are just as ready to charge wireless!


[ See our latest iPhone supported chargers ]link



You'll be charging wireless within 2 seconds

But how, you wonder?
Simply attach one of our receiver converters, suitable for
your brand and model smartphone, to your charger port.
Then, as soon as you place your phone on one of our many
wireless charger pads, the phone will instantly start charging!


Not just easy, also stylish!
Besides wireless charging being the easiest way to charge your phone, our
wide variety of charger pad designs will have you look smart and stylish while doing so.
Choose from our wide variety of pads, such as comic book superheroes Batman and
Iron Man, a stylish wooden charger pad, colorful circular pads or plain white or black ones.



Free worldwide shipping on ALL orders
So no matter where you are, how big or small your
order is; we'll ship it right to you - for FREE.


Are you ready to charge wireless?
Check out our mega sale - up to 50% off - right here[ link ]

I feel I tend to overthink certain sentences, and struggle a bit with applying breaks at the right places to keep the reader going and prevent the line from feeling choppy.
Any tips?

Thanks in advance!
 

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
This is good enough to get hired on Upwork easily.

You need to clean up your grammar a bit. I think you meant to do it the way you did, but as a client it looks like an error.

You also need a call to action at the end. "You need to act NOW" isn't clear enough.

What action should they take?

Your storytelling is on point. I actually enjoyed reading about "soul" people. :)
Wow thanks.

As for grammar errors I see a missing period and a missing comma. And when I lead the sentences down to the next line it could be done in a better spot. Is this it or am I missing something?

They should invest in Solar panels! Right meow.
 

arfadugus

Bronze Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jun 5, 2014
349
356
210
31
Day 8 Challenge

1. Close your eyes and imagine the life you want to have. See it is bright vibrant colors. Smell whatever success smells like to you. Hear any sounds that you associate with the life you want to have. Blow the image up and put yourself in it. See it from behind your eyes.

2. Help someone without asking anything in return.


3. Take some action you've been too scared to take.

4. Write 5 Creative Headlines

5. Write a website "About Us" page using everything you've learned to this point, and make sure you do it in logical order.
I decided to write an about me for my blog since I needed to do it anyway. I thought this would be a good place to get feedback. This is my draft and I'm hoping to get some input before I finalize it. Gonna have my girlfriend help me with the grammar and design but this is the content I came up with.

I’m Dave the Vegan

This is the site where….

You will learn how to optimize your diet for health and performance.

You will learn how to alter your body composition for long term gains and the abs you’ve always wanted.

You will learn hacks that increase your energy, motivation, and focus.

You will learn why it is a great idea to go vegan and how to do it the best way possible.

You will learn to get rid your own pain without surgery or drugs.

You will learn a little bit about philosophy and politics.

You will learn about money and how to change your financial destiny.

You will learn how minimalism will set you free.

Why should you want to learn this?

Every day we give up our dreams for mediocrity. We think small and believe that we are who we are and that there is no changing it. Well I am here to tell you not to give up on your dreams. There is a way and I’m going to show you.

I can help you by showing you the secrets I’ve learned. From years of study and self improvement.

Start by thinking of things that you’ve been wanting to do, things that you’ve been wanting to cut out of your life, and ways that you want to grow as a person.

Here is my story:

I grew up with a destiny to be average. My grades were C’s and D’s in high school, I never had any talents, after high school I was a drug addict for 4 years with no direction in life, no passion, no goals. I wasn’t the most ethical person. I wasn’t headed toward anything good.

Barely avoiding 90 days in jail I had to turn my life around. And that’s what I did. I quit drugs, I quit cigarettes, I got a ripped body. I beat powerlifting personal records, I started Jiu Jitsu, teaching myself piano and guitar. I worked with a special needs kid for 5 years. I read 200 books and learned a little bit about everything. I completely altered my destiny and I enjoy the present more than ever and I look forward to the future.

Now I want to help others like me find direction and start kicking a$$ at life.

Subscribe to learn more. It’s free.



Here are my creative headlines for part 4

"9 inspirational ways to get yourself in the gym."
"Smartphone, Useful Tool or Time Killer?"
"Successful People Believe in Themselves, and You Should Too."
"Healthy Vegan Diet is Easy, Here's How."
"Got Shoulder Pain? Here's the Milk."
 

Tapp001

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 24, 2016
130
248
164
34
These are good. Now how can you strengthen them?

"This Washer is ALWAYS in Service
and I'll Prove It Right Now..."

Either a subheadline or just a bit more headline to entice them deeper could work well.

"Are You Washing Profit Down the Drain?"


This could be a great headline with the right images, so I think you're off to a good start.

It would be a little vague without an image of a washing machine, so be careful depending on delivery.

"Is Your Machine Washing Profit Down the Drain?"

Notice how a simple change and an extra word adds clarity that may or may not be needed.

Overall not bad, and I've had clients who specifically requested headlines similar to your last 3.

These are good enough to get gigs for clients who need someone to write headlines.

Thank you for your help! I'm going to keep this in mind as I work through Day 5, and look at how my headlines could be improved. I think reading them aloud will let me make better edits.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
Here's why you have to be different and better. Why you can't just produce the same crap.

Copywriting is the most populated category of freelancer on UpWork.

Clients have a lot to choose from. And all these freelancers want your gigs.

This is also why it's wise to depart UpWork as soon as you're ready.

Also why you need to niche down. Pick a field and specialize if you wanna get found.

Upwork Copywriters.png
 

Tapp001

Bronze Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
May 24, 2016
130
248
164
34
Here's why you have to be different and better. Why you can't just produce the same crap.

Copywriting is the most populated category of freelancer on UpWork.

Clients have a lot to choose from. And all these freelancers want your gigs.

This is also why it's wise to depart UpWork as soon as you're ready.

Also why you need to niche down. Pick a field and specialize if you wanna get found.

View attachment 13262

... but only 2,500 for academic writing and research. I imagine that if you have the chops for it, you could sweep that category by applying the principles learned here to your work application.
 

Lex DeVille

Sweeping Shadows from Dreams
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jan 14, 2013
3,765
23,260
4,306
The Underground
... but only 2,500 for academic writing and research. I imagine that if you have the chops for it, you could sweep that category by applying the principles learned here to your work application.

Yes. A simple Y.O.U. focused application will crush every other candidate in virtually any niche.

That's what I was trying to get across in my other thread.

Some have used my training in other categories and easily cashed in.

One person messaged me here a few days ago; said he picked up a $15,000/mo contract on Upwork because of my thread.

Based on the numbers above, looks like everybody's jumping on the copy bandwagon.

Y.O.U. focus still wins.
 

Sponsored Offers

Introducing MJ's Personal Unscripted Network, Join Now for FREE!
Text... (via @Black_Dragon43 ) A forum user recently said something poignant. "Don't ask a...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE NEW: The Best School for Going Fastlane (Now open for summer enrollment)
With 300+ students, the method and/or main sources of traffic don't saturate? Seems web design...
MARKETPLACE Fox Web School "Legend" Group Coaching Program 2021
Hi - I sent out some emails with the updates but I'll PM you now also, thanks. The issue is...
MARKETPLACE Not sure how to start? This free book will teach you how to build a successful web design business
Hi Fox. Starting the book and got through the introduction. Had a conversation with Andy Black...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE You Are One Call Away From Living Your Dream Life - LightHouse’s Accountability Program ⚡
Chris is super sharp and is aware of many facets of entrepreneurship and can help get your...

Learn Fastlane Business Skills & Get Profitable Within 30 Days...

Get Started Now

Don't like ads? Remove them while supporting the forum. Subscribe.

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom