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Learnings from 3,000+ PMs with fellow forum members

Pebblepottage

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To date I've had over 700 PM's with fellow forum members.

I PM to give thanks for following me or for giving me rep.

I always ask how things are going, and strike up a brief conversation.



I've noticed some common themes from these conversations (especially with people trying to get started or trying to "get traction").


My main learnings are that:
  1. People often over-complicate things.

  2. People often get in their own way.

  3. People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")



Sound familiar?



There's been some classic GOLD threads addressing this, and here's a few:

I wrote a post along similar lines:

And Justin Jackson wrote a great article here:




In my opinion:

  • Over-complicating things, getting in your own way, and not believing you can add value are all symptoms of the same thing.
  • Each of the posts listed above are trying to address this exact same thing.
  • The symptoms above are all related to being "me" centric, and the posts above are all ways to stop being "me" centric.

If your goal is to help others, then things get a lot less complicated.

If your goal is to help others, you're less likely to get in your own way - because you're not even in the picture anymore.

If your goal is to help others, you'll realise that giving thanks to other forum members can add a lot of value to their lives, and to the forum. (We know we should give to receive, but I'd no idea of the power of "giving thanks" until I thanked so many people in the forum.)




A few months ago I decided to "learn to create talking head videos".

I got tangled up that first evening, because my goal was wrong.

My goal was to create a video.

My goal was not to say "thank you" to @SinisterLex for the videos he was adding to the forum.

I screwed up.

I over-complicated things.

I got in my own way.

I believed I couldn't add value to the forum.

All because I was thinking about "me", and not thinking about Lex.




After I gave myself a stern talking to, I created my very first talking head video.

Here it is (and it's very relevant to this thread):





I've done 16 videos so far, and it's not until this evening that I've noticed a common theme.

Here's another video that might help you:






Here's another where I talk about my "founding story"... a story from 2009 that still sends shivers down my spine when I remember it:




I talk a bit more about that story in this radio interview.



Who will you help this week?

Who will you thank today?
Thanks Andy for that info. I have a question that I will ask later.
 
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ChrisV

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"What would you say have been the most influencing factors, ideas or strategies that have lead to your success?"

Realising that I already have the skills. That I already have the knowledge. That I am smart enough. That I am good enough. That I know enough. That I *am* enough.
:thumbsup:
 

Andy Black

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John F.

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Thank you for this thread. This one hits home for me. I spent a lot of time spinning my wheels trying to figure out what to do with business. I always thought I was trying to find the best way to provide value to people, but I was really just trying to figure out the best way to make money. Focused on ME.

The major turning point for me was when I stopped trying to figure out how to make money and figured out how to help people. This also started from a ME basis. I asked myself "what do I need help with?" then worked backwards from there. Strange way to find a way to help people, but we all have problems that need solving.

Since then I have created a health/longevity company. I know I have health problems I need solved, but I also know that there are millions of others that need help too.

The more focus that goes into other people needs and less on my own, the more things progress and the more clarity of purpose that arises.

A progress thread will be coming out soon. What I have gotten to thus far is a direct result of what I have learned from this forum.

So thanks :)
 
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Andy Black

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Worth a bump. There's a lot of new people in the forum recently and I still see the same patterns when I PM them.
 

TedM

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Someone just PM'd me after reading this post, asking how to learn to give without expectation of anything in return.

Here's my reply:


How to learn to give without wanting anything in return?

Baby steps. :)



Smile first.

Say hello first.

Say thank you.

Give a Like.

Send some Rep.


Strike up a friendly conversation with someone who looks bored or is having a bad day at work.

Hold a door open for someone.

Help someone with their shopping.

Give some money to a homeless person.

Tip a waiter or waitress bigger than normal.

Give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Double back and give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Drop them further towards their destination than you needed to.



Make someone smile.

Have a laugh with someone.

Put your hand on someone's shoulder and look them in the eye when you say sorry.

Put your phone down when someone talks to you.



Start small.

See the effect your actions have on others.

Feel those nice feelings within yourself for doing it.

Create an imbalance in the world.

If you got something back each time you helped someone, then each transaction would be complete.

Have faith it will come back to you.



Like everything, just start.



It's been said I live in a "sunny little world".

I didn't realise I did until they'd said it.

I didn't realise some people lived in dark little worlds.

My world revolves around making other people's days a bit sunnier.

I smile first.

They smile back.

I live in a world of smiling people.

That's pretty good for starters eh? :)
Your wife must be a happy lady, Andy! You know how to treat people well.
 

Peter Kay

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Someone just PM'd me after reading this post, asking how to learn to give without expectation of anything in return.

Here's my reply:


How to learn to give without wanting anything in return?

Baby steps. :)



Smile first.

Say hello first.

Say thank you.

Give a Like.

Send some Rep.


Strike up a friendly conversation with someone who looks bored or is having a bad day at work.

Hold a door open for someone.

Help someone with their shopping.

Give some money to a homeless person.

Tip a waiter or waitress bigger than normal.

Give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Double back and give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Drop them further towards their destination than you needed to.



Make someone smile.

Have a laugh with someone.

Put your hand on someone's shoulder and look them in the eye when you say sorry.

Put your phone down when someone talks to you.



Start small.

See the effect your actions have on others.

Feel those nice feelings within yourself for doing it.

Create an imbalance in the world.

If you got something back each time you helped someone, then each transaction would be complete.

Have faith it will come back to you.



Like everything, just start.



It's been said I live in a "sunny little world".

I didn't realise I did until they'd said it.

I didn't realise some people lived in dark little worlds.

My world revolves around making other people's days a bit sunnier.

I smile first.

They smile back.

I live in a world of smiling people.

That's pretty good for starters eh? :)
Thank you @andyi feel guilt of all this but thi is relieving to read.
Thank you
 
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patchy

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Great post andy. Very simplified about just help someone instead of over complicate things. I will use this input from now on and hopefully when coming up with ideas it will come much easier.
 

Tacko6

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To date I've had 700+ PMs with fellow forum members.
(EDIT: 3,000+ PMs now.)

I PM to give thanks for following me or for giving me rep. I always ask how things are going, and strike up a brief conversation.


I've noticed some common themes from these conversations (especially with people trying to get started or trying to "get traction").

My main learnings are that:
  1. People often over-complicate things.

  2. People often get in their own way.

  3. People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")

Sound familiar?


There's been some classic GOLD threads addressing this, and here's a few:

I wrote a post along similar lines:

And Justin Jackson wrote a great article here:


In my opinion:
  • Over-complicating things, getting in your own way, and not believing you can add value are all symptoms of the same thing.

  • Each of the posts listed above are trying to address this exact same thing.

  • The symptoms above are all related to being "me" centric, and the posts above are all ways to stop being "me" centric.

If your goal is to help others, then things get a lot less complicated.

If your goal is to help others, then you're less likely to get in your own way - because you're not even in the picture anymore.

If your goal is to help others, then you'll realise that giving thanks to other forum members can add a lot of value to their lives, and to the forum. (We know we should give to receive, but I'd no idea of the power of "giving thanks" until I thanked so many people in the forum.)



A few months ago I decided to "learn to create talking head videos".

I got tangled up that first evening, because my goal was wrong.

My goal was to create a video.

My goal was not to say "thank you" to @SinisterLex for the videos he was adding to the forum.

I screwed up.

I over-complicated things.

I got in my own way.

I believed I couldn't add value to the forum.

All because I was thinking about "me", and not thinking about Lex.


After I gave myself a stern talking to, I created my very first talking head video.

Here it is (and it's very relevant to this thread):



I've done 16 videos so far, and it's not until this evening that I've noticed a common theme.

Here's another video that might help you:




Here's another where I talk about my "founding story"... a story from 2009 that still sends shivers down my spine when I remember it:



I talk a bit more about that story in this radio interview.



Who will you help this week?

Who will you thank today?
Great post. Really refreshing to read. I’m 100% in the over-complicating bracket at times.
 

Andy Black

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I know this post is from 2016 but I cannot thank you enough for this Andy, I truly appreciate you sharing your story and offering an insight into the way you think.
You're welcome @HaydenLayne.

What's your biggest takeaways, and what will you do different going forward?
 

ninjacopywriter

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To date I've had 700+ PMs with fellow forum members.
(EDIT: 3,500+ PMs now.)

I PM to give thanks for following me or for giving me rep. I always ask how things are going, and strike up a brief conversation.


I've noticed some common themes from these conversations (especially with people trying to get started or trying to "get traction").

My main learnings are that:
  1. People often over-complicate things.

  2. People often get in their own way.

  3. People often believe they can't give value to the forum yet (saying nice things like "I'd love to give back when I can add value.")

Sound familiar?


There's been some classic GOLD threads addressing this, and here's a few:

I wrote a post along similar lines:

And Justin Jackson wrote a great article here:


In my opinion:
  • Over-complicating things, getting in your own way, and not believing you can add value are all symptoms of the same thing.

  • Each of the posts listed above are trying to address this exact same thing.

  • The symptoms above are all related to being "me" centric, and the posts above are all ways to stop being "me" centric.

If your goal is to help others, then things get a lot less complicated.

If your goal is to help others, then you're less likely to get in your own way - because you're not even in the picture anymore.

If your goal is to help others, then you'll realise that giving thanks to other forum members can add a lot of value to their lives, and to the forum. (We know we should give to receive, but I'd no idea of the power of "giving thanks" until I thanked so many people in the forum.)



A few months ago I decided to "learn to create talking head videos".

I got tangled up that first evening, because my goal was wrong.

My goal was to create a video.

My goal was not to say "thank you" to @SinisterLex for the videos he was adding to the forum.

I screwed up.

I over-complicated things.

I got in my own way.

I believed I couldn't add value to the forum.

All because I was thinking about "me", and not thinking about Lex.


After I gave myself a stern talking to, I created my very first talking head video.

Here it is (and it's very relevant to this thread):



I've done 16 videos so far, and it's not until this evening that I've noticed a common theme.

Here's another video that might help you:




Here's another where I talk about my "founding story"... a story from 2009 that still sends shivers down my spine when I remember it:



I talk a bit more about that story in this radio interview.



Who will you help this week?

Who will you thank today?
thank you..i need to shift this mindset...
and yes, the imposter syndrome is real...big programming there
 

Tomco

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Thank you for the post Andy! I have been aware that I tend to over complicate things in my life, adding in unnecessary steps and procedures, making sure everything goes the right way.
But recently, I have decided to let go and be more grateful with the little things and accept them as they are.
Sometimes I'm doubtful if I'm doing the right thing, since results aren't apparent immediately. But your advice helped me to re-figure my goals, taking the necessary small steps to a better future.

(Btw love your accent! )
 
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Andy Black

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Btw love your accent!
Thanks. I think it's a British army brat accent. (All the army kids had a similar accent.)
 

Dragos222

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I am guilty of seriously over-complicating things but I realized it was due to a few things.

1. I make the decision of 'what idea I want to execute on' way to big of a deal. I feel like I've only got 1 shot so don't want to screw it up. This has caused me to execute on almost nothing.

2. As a part of number 1 I fear losing money on a pursuit that will not have any return.

So I end up way overthinking things and do nothing.

Now I realize I don't have to dump tons of money into an idea before I can find out if it works, so I'm just going with the one that I think *might* be best.
I strongly believe that if you are genuinely bringing value, you can start over as many times as needed, because people will see that you are a genuine good person.
 

JophMax

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Someone just PM'd me after reading this post, asking how to learn to give without expectation of anything in return.

Here's my reply:


How to learn to give without wanting anything in return?

Baby steps. :)



Smile first.

Say hello first.

Say thank you.

Give a Like.

Send some Rep.


Strike up a friendly conversation with someone who looks bored or is having a bad day at work.

Hold a door open for someone.

Help someone with their shopping.

Give some money to a homeless person.

Tip a waiter or waitress bigger than normal.

Give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Double back and give a hitch-hiker a lift.

Drop them further towards their destination than you needed to.



Make someone smile.

Have a laugh with someone.

Put your hand on someone's shoulder and look them in the eye when you say sorry.

Put your phone down when someone talks to you.



Start small.

See the effect your actions have on others.

Feel those nice feelings within yourself for doing it.

Create an imbalance in the world.

If you got something back each time you helped someone, then each transaction would be complete.

Have faith it will come back to you.



Like everything, just start.



It's been said I live in a "sunny little world".

I didn't realise I did until they'd said it.

I didn't realise some people lived in dark little worlds.

My world revolves around making other people's days a bit sunnier.

I smile first.

They smile back.

I live in a world of smiling people.

That's pretty good for starters eh? :)
Found this post in the MTF thread. I will say that It is an excellent piece of advice. It also reflects my outlook on life after reading Letting Go by David Hawkins. I highly recommend that book for people who might have a problem with expectations.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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JophMax

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Phenomenal book, one of my favorites.
It certainly is. It has helped me deal with emotions in a healthier way by letting go of them and surrendering expectations of how things should be.

I'd learn about this book when I looked at your recommended section, so I have to thank you for that. This and The Power of Now had been absolutely game changers for me.

P.S: Also thank you for making me discover Personality Isn't Permanent and Ultralearning.
 

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