I've lost my identity as person (Legendary follows...)

[oimate]

Hi all,

Just a semi rant/little bit of self loathing.

I am your normal 35 yr old, sidewalker-mid 30k job, house,friends and decent enough social skills.

I am currently single but quite proactive on a number of dating sites and I can get laid without too much effort.

However, Change is required after my last couple of dates..in particular the last one.

She was quite honestly a knockout and the dream woman, who could quite easily do some modelling and I think we got on pretty well. The date went fine and we've been texting since so I know she didnt think i was a complete tool.

Whilst on the date, we were talking about likes, dislikes and interests, hobbies and life experiences-It was then that I realised that I have no sense of conviction about whom I am, and bar some travelling I done back in my early 20's, I have lived a pretty mundane existance for the past 10 years.

Off course I was able to blurt out how I like to keep fit by going to the gym (and I do) but outside work and a couple of hours in the gym per day, I literally have no real interests or hobbies and worse of all..I dont feel strongly about ANYTHING else in particular..I'VE NO IDENTITY OR CONVICTIONS IN MY LIFE!!.. I even use other peoples misfortunes or behaviours to sneer at when trying to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this or been there and went about rectifying whom they are as a person?

As I said earlier, I am the classic sidewalker whos literally one paycheck from broke, who has aspirations to make more money but never bloody does.

I would love some thoughts of your thoughts people.

 

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[jon.a]

For 35 you seem pretty insecure and immature. Maybe you need to experience a few successes beyond getting laid.

 

[Delmania]

Has anyone else experienced this or been there and went about rectifying whom they are as a person?

Try reading this: http://jamesaltucher.tumblr.com/post/132084071774/the-ultimate-guide-to-reinventing-yourself

As for personal experience, yes I have gone through this, and it's still something I struggle with. My strategy is to be like the Roman god, Janus. Look to the past to see success there and what it means, look to the future to what I want, and figure out what I need to get there.

 

[oimate]

For 35 you seem pretty insecure and immature. Maybe you need to experience a few successes beyond getting laid.

I would agree Jon, however, i dont deem getting laid as some major life achievement to be proud off-Anyone can get their leg over if they really want to.

Perhaps the point I am trying to get across is although ultimately I know I shouldnt care what anyone really thinks about me-Point is, If I am to take a step back and assess what/how other people would view me-I know they would probably only be able to say that 'he's a nice guy'. A 'nice guy' isnt all I want to be remembered if you get me.

 

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[Delmania]

A 'nice guy' isnt all I want to be remembered if you get me.

Then what do you want your eulogy to be?

 

[Lex DeVille]

I agree with jon.a.

It sounds like your mind runs on autopilot most of the time. You said you don't have any hobbies or interests and you don't have a sense of identity. So I feel like trying to set business related goals may not be very useful for you right now.

But, what if you set some abstract goals that let you start to engage more of the world? Lack of experiences and lack of hobbies/interests kind of goes hand in hand if you ask me. What could you choose to do that will at least give you opportunities to discover more about yourself, or life in general?

No need to travel to Tibet, unless you think that might solve your problem. But what if you just said "I'm going to help someone in some way today." Then find someone, help them, and see how that makes you feel. If it sparks inspiration, or motivation, or some other feeling you want, then perhaps you're getting somewhere.

We are not our ego. We are not our identity. Those things don't control us unless we let them. You noticed your ego is controlling you and wasting life. Now you can choose to do something different.

But only you can make that choice.

 

[Mattie]

Really I would say you're afraid to do anything different than what's in your comfort zone. I see people do this, and it's self limiting thinking. I can't do this or that. Things have to look a certain way, or I have to have enough money before I try something new. Mom or Dad said I couldn't do this, or someone else said, it's not cool. It's getting lost in what the world tells you to be, and living in fear. A fear based reality if I do something different it means I have to take risks, try something new, think differently, do work, and invest in myself.

If you don't have an identity, you're allowing other people to create it for you. Doing what you're told, staying in pecking order, and being submissive to the herd. A follower rather than a leader.

If you don't want to be there, you'll have to do something different.

 

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[jon.a]

I would agree Jon, however, i dont deem getting laid as some major life achievement to be proud off-Anyone can get their leg over if they really want to.

Perhaps the point I am trying to get across is although ultimately I know I shouldnt care what anyone really thinks about me-Point is, If I am to take a step back and assess what/how other people would view me-I know they would probably only be able to say that 'he's a nice guy'. A 'nice guy' isnt all I want to be remembered if you get me.

I have known many successful people. A few where I knew that I wanted some of that, which is to say I wanted to be like them, not to have the stuff that they had, but to have the calm self confidence. The most successful warriors and businessmen that I've known you wouldn't even know of their successes. They don't need to give a shit so they don't need to brag. Do something bold and meaningful and try to stay quiet about it. Few men can do this.

Humans like you don't even exist to people like them.

 

[oimate]

Then what do you want your eulogy to be?

Thats the question D. I want to be seen as a success, someone who excelled at having vast amounts of drive and passion to life. I want to be rich in a cash sense also.

I know myself this is all about breaking out of shitty habits and mindsets and when I log onto the forum and read some amazing books, I am motivated and get a little buzz..only for this to lapse the next day and back to the life of normal.

Jon was right from earlier-I guess I am insecure for a 35 yr old, I've never been in love and get bored of a partner quite quickly, on occasion I have even finished with a gf as I decided that spending the weekend with her was detracting from me working on improving myself only to lapse back into doing nothing on a weekend.

I know this is bullshit in itself-I genuinely cant figure out who I am as a person or what interests I truely have-

Ps this isnt a 'pity me' thread-I know that only I can change my mindset and life

 

[Delmania]

Thats the question D. I want to be seen as a success, someone who excelled at having vast amounts of drive and passion to life. I want to be rich in a cash sense also.

I know myself this is all about breaking out of shitty habits and mindsets and when I log onto the forum and read some amazing books, I am motivated and get a little buzz..only for this to lapse the next day and back to the life of normal.

Jon was right from earlier-I guess I am insecure for a 35 yr old, I've never been in love and get bored of a partner quite quickly, on occasion I have even finished with a gf as I decided that spending the weekend with her was detracting from me working on improving myself only to lapse back into doing nothing on a weekend.

I know this is bullshit in itself-I genuinely cant figure out who I am as a person or what interests I truely have-

Ps this isnt a 'pity me' thread-I know that only I can change my mindset and life

There's a thread here from @MJ DeMarco about 7 ways to improve your life, I'd recommend reading it and applying it. As for your relationship issues, love is a verb, not a noun. You don't "fall in love" with someone, that's attraction. However, it seems you need to get over your ennui first before committing to a relationship, unless this girl in particular seems like she'll be your best friend.

 

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[Bouncing Soul]

My post sucked, ignore.

 

[Imgal]

Off course I was able to blurt out how I like to keep fit by going to the gym (and I do) but outside work and a couple of hours in the gym per day, I literally have no real interests or hobbies and worse of all..I dont feel strongly about ANYTHING else in particular..I'VE NO IDENTITY OR CONVICTIONS IN MY LIFE!!.. I even use other peoples misfortunes or behaviours to sneer at when trying to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this or been there and went about rectifying whom they are as a person?

As I said earlier, I am the classic sidewalker whos literally one paycheck from broke, who has aspirations to make more money but never bloody does.

I would love some thoughts of your thoughts people.

I think you're actually being too hard on yourself saying that you don't have any interests / hobbies or feel strongly about anything. I know it for a fact because you're here on this forum. I have absolutely no interest in fly fishing whatsoever so if I landed on a fly fishing forum I would not be signing up and I wouldn't be posting. The fact you are here and posting indicates that you're interested in two things at the very least - entrepreneurship and self-improvement / personal development however you want to put it. Add to that you're active on dating sites. Sure part of that might be to get some action, but equally it shows you're someone who wants to get out there and know other people.... all of these show a really strong desire to learn and develop you as a person.

The fact you say you are a classic sidewalker is the reason why you are. We are the people that we define ourselves as. Take a kinder look at yourself and stop wasting times on what you don't like. Embrace the you that wants to grow, improve and succeed. Wake up that person every day and you're on fire.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

What you're experiencing is a lack of purpose. As such, life is lived like a piece of driftwood floating down a river where your day's momentum is not dictated by you, but by inertia. As a result, the tides of gratification is what leads you down the river.

The answer to breaking free from the current is to find a purpose that carries your soul outside the tides of life-- the place where few people live and die.

 

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[oimate]

Really I would say you're afraid to do anything different than what's in your comfort zone. I see people do this, and it's self limiting thinking.

If you don't have an identity, you're allowing other people to create it for you. Doing what you're told, staying in pecking order, and being submissive to the herd. A follower rather than a leader.

If you don't want to be there, you'll have to do something different.

Agreed-I am in a limiting place mentally and physically-I co-own a house and live in a small town so that presents challenges based on 1)selling house that is in negative equitity 2) Having lived in various places around the world, I feel if I was to move again it really would be just like starting over again (I know you will say 'starting over' from what exactly-But with quite a broad employment background that I havent exactly excelled at or should I say havent exactly carved out a niche, I know I would be simply moving for the sake of moving and most likely taking a financial hit for the privlige of moving.

MJ and Lex are correct in that I am simply just letting life happen and without a purpose/goal (even any easily attainable short term goal) this is the way it will continue.

Why do we continue to live this unsatisfactory life when I assume seeing we're all members of the fastlane forum the underlying belief is that we know we should be doing better and we're all smart enough to be a success!

Its about the daily motivation and getting shit done attitude that I/we must learn.

 

[Bouncing Soul]

Why do we continue to live this unsatisfactory life when I assume seeing we're all members of the fastlane forum the underlying belief is that we know we should be doing better and we're all smart enough to be a success!

Its about the daily motivation and getting shit done attitude that I/we must learn.

No more "we"! Start there. You yourself are not doing the shit you need to do to be fulfilled. Do not try to make yourself comfortable placing yourself in to some group of people that share your malaise for life.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VE4Y0Z2/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

 

[Vigilante]

Hi all,

Just a semi rant/little bit of self loathing.

I am your normal 35 yr old, sidewalker-mid 30k job, house,friends and decent enough social skills.

I am currently single but quite proactive on a number of dating sites and I can get laid without too much effort.

However, Change is required after my last couple of dates..in particular the last one.

She was quite honestly a knockout and the dream woman, who could quite easily do some modelling and I think we got on pretty well. The date went fine and we've been texting since so I know she didnt think i was a complete tool.

Whilst on the date, we were talking about likes, dislikes and interests, hobbies and life experiences-It was then that I realised that I have no sense of conviction about whom I am, and bar some travelling I done back in my early 20's, I have lived a pretty mundane existance for the past 10 years.

Off course I was able to blurt out how I like to keep fit by going to the gym (and I do) but outside work and a couple of hours in the gym per day, I literally have no real interests or hobbies and worse of all..I dont feel strongly about ANYTHING else in particular..I'VE NO IDENTITY OR CONVICTIONS IN MY LIFE!!.. I even use other peoples misfortunes or behaviours to sneer at when trying to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this or been there and went about rectifying whom they are as a person?

As I said earlier, I am the classic sidewalker whos literally one paycheck from broke, who has aspirations to make more money but never bloody does.

I would love some thoughts of your thoughts people.

You're still a 20 year old frat guy in a 35 year old body.

Life is not about getting laid (crass immediate gratification), working out (that's not a personality characteristic), or self appreciation (what are you, 19?). It's not about dating a knockout (superficial), enjoying others misfortune, or spending everything you make.

You've missed most of the highlights of the past 10 years, by looking inward and not looking outward.

Here's what I missed from your post, and I surmise you have missed from your life :

1. philanthropy - what are you doing to make the world a better place
2. investment - instead of focusing on getting laid via. dating sites, what if you focused on being the type of person that didn't have to pay dating sites to get laid?
3. family - my guess is you are the douche bag uncle that isn't involved
4. spirituality - finding a reason that is bigger that you
5. service - when was the last time you did something for someone else that you didn't know
6. strategy on where you're headed
7. financial security - why are you at where you are at? My uncle was 85, never made more than minimum wage, but was in a better financial situation than you are. He had some money in the bank.

Why are you here at the forum? My guess is you were searching for "entrepreneur" and trying to figure out how to escape the rat race that you are in. Most (not all, but most) people can't find success until they fix several of the above areas. It's hard to concentrate on creating value that could impact thousands of people and improve their lives if you can't see past Friday night's dance party and getting laid from the next poor soul in similar circumstances who answers your next ad.

Pull your head out of your a$$. Put some basic building blocks in place. You can't build a mansion if the foundation sucks. You have to fix the foundational aspects of your life before you are ever going to graduate from mediocrity.

The degree to which this post pisses you off will be directly commensurate with the degree that you see yourself within it.

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

You're still a 20 year old frat guy in a 35 year old body.

Life is not about getting laid (crass immediate gratification), working out (that's not a personality characteristic), or self appreciation (what are you, 19?). It's not about dating a knockout (superficial), enjoying others misfortune, or spending everything you make.

You've missed most of the highlights of the past 10 years, by looking inward and not looking outward.

Here's what I missed from your post, and I surmise you have missed from your life :

1. philanthropy - what are you doing to make the world a better place
2. investment - instead of focusing on getting laid via. dating sites, what if you focused on being the type of person that didn't have to pay dating sites to get laid?
3. family - my guess is you are the douche bag uncle that isn't involved
4. spirituality - finding a reason that is bigger that you
5. service - when was the last time you did something for someone else that you didn't know
6. strategy on where you're headed
7. financial security - why are you at where you are at? My uncle was 85, never made more than minimum wage, but was in a better financial situation than you are. He had some money in the bank.

Why are you here at the forum? My guess is you were searching for "entrepreneur" and trying to figure out how to escape the rat race that you are in. Most (not all, but most) people can't find success until they fix several of the above areas. It's hard to concentrate on creating value that could impact thousands of people and improve their lives if you can't see past Friday night's dance party and getting laid from the next poor soul in similar circumstances who answers your next ad.

Pull your head out of your a$$. Put some basic building blocks in place. You can't build a mansion if the foundation sucks. You have to fix the foundational aspects of your life before you are ever going to graduate from mediocrity.

Harsh but I'm willing to bet accurate. I hope you take it as constructive and tough love because those 7 things will help you turn it all around.

All of the greats in history who really DID something with their lives -- the MLKs, the Ghandis, the Mother Theresas -- if you read their biographies you can distinctly find a moment in their life where they stopped thinking "there's only me here" and started thinking "there's only we here".

On purpose:

You don't find your life's purpose... it's not a thing that jumps out from behind a rock one day and says "Ah-HA! I'm your life's purpose!"

You DECIDE what your purpose is going to be.

On the above quote:

I feel like you were trying to impress us with your post. Look man, we all get laid. We all go to the gym. We don't care about the superficial stuff. As silly as it sounds over an online forum we actually care about the real you. A large portion of us know each other in person. We've shared success and we've shared failure. We've been through good times and bad. But our conversations rarely come around to "how many chicks did you bang this month".

P.S. I know the identity crisis completely. After I sold my dojo I was no longer a "martial arts instructor" (what I had been for the previous 17 years) -- it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I learned my job is not my identity. But it was difficult for me to decide what my identity was after that. I feel I have it down pretty well right now but I'm still shaping it. 5 years in the making.

Start journaling your thoughts and feelings every day. You'll learn a lot!

 

[AndrewNC]

I like to keep fit by going to the gym (and I do) but outside work and a couple of hours in the gym per day,

Take pride in the fact that you're killing it with the gym. This is more than a lot of people can say about their lives. When I begin to focus more on the good that I have in life, it begins to build the habit of focusing on positive emotions, which in terms is an upward spiral of even more positive emotions.

"rock bottom sets you free"

It's this very moment in your life that is going to be the point that you recognized started your upward spiral and change for the better.

 

[Mattie]

It doesn't matter where you're living. This is a self-limiting belief. Environment can have an influence on you, but there are times you deal with environment temporarily unless it's a war zone or physically dangerous. Many people start their business in a garage, library, or where ever they may find that is quiet and few distractions.

I agree with M.J. and Vigilante. There is a lot of self-discovery and finding your purpose to be done. If you don't, it makes it hard to be an entrepreneur. You won't stick long enough to a task to get anywhere. The limited thinking can be various thoughts which prohibit you. Every time you write them down, you will see them as you did in this thread. We're just pointing them out to you, but you should question all your thoughts and beliefs. Why do you believe them? Where did they come from? Are they yours other people's.

Starting over is not an easy process. It takes time. Do you have to high of expectations? Thinking they should be accomplished this year. You have to remember everyone's at a different level in here. Some people have different amounts in their bank accounts, so naturally they'd be headed in success faster. You can only start where you're at and move from there. Don't compare yourself to other people, or it will take you ten times longer to take action and make more excuses.

You can't build a mansion if the foundation sucks

This really is where you're at in life. Building the foundation. If you haven't got the things listed Vigilante wrote down, you can't build the mansion because it will collapse and fall down. "This is probably the part, where the old foundation has collapsed, and you're sinking on shifting sand. "Help Me, Help Me." Only the lesson in it, "I don't need someone to help me." It's an illusion. You just need to get up and take action. Do the research and find the answers. Push through your fears, motivate yourself, and don't depend on anyone else to do the work for you. We've all been there, because frankly from a young age, you're taught to depend on other people. You get in a bad habit of playing victim to get attention. Negative attention is better than no attention. Positive attention comes when you can be self-reliant and independent. Personally responsible to create your reality and life.

 

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[Imgal]

We've all been there, because frankly from a young age, you're taught to depend on other people. You get in a bad habit of playing victim to get attention. Negative attention is better than no attention. Positive attention comes when you can be self-reliant and independent. Personally responsible to create your reality and life.

This really is at the centre of it all. People say we're all looking for approval. Personally I think it actually comes down more to wanting attention. We never truly grow out of crying to get our parents attention when we're feeling vulnerable. The problem is though that this negative desire for attention creates a cycle of needing external reinforcement to feel better and motivate us... and when that's the source you're always going to struggle to achieve as you're relying on the opinions of others. It's a heavy weight to carry ... unlike when you move to standing on your own two feet, grounded by the fact you know where you're going and what you're trying to achieve.

 

[Vigilante]

Sidebar... some of the women that have recently come to this forum kick a$$. Carry on.

 

[Andy Black]

When you've been a member for a little while, you start to see patterns, and can predict the responses that threads like this will get.

@Vigilante also laid down the law in this thread. (That was a hint to OP to go and read that thread. There's a lot of great advice in there.)



@oimate

Good for you for owning up and putting pen to paper. I'm delighted you spotted something out of the corner of your eye and suddenly realised you're playing in a sandpit when the whole beach and ocean is right behind you.


What's the secret to getting the life you want?

MJ said it, and without a trace of judgement too I might add. (Respect MJ.)

What you're experiencing is a lack of purpose. As such, life is lived like a piece of driftwood floating down a river where your day's momentum is not dictated by you, but by inertia. As a result, the tides of gratification is what leads you down the river.

The answer to breaking free from the current is to find a purpose that carries your soul outside the tides of life-- the place where few people live and die.

@SinisterLex hinted at it too:

find someone, help them, and see how that makes you feel

Think about those two nuggets of advice.

Now go and compare your post to @TheDamageUndone's introduction post. (Especially the 10th post.)


.
.
.


Some recommended reading for you:

• The "Astonishing Secrets" Thread
• New Guys: Save Yourself Years Of Frustration - It Worked For Me!
• "How do I find my niche?"
• Standing Still As Life Passes By
  
• Ever wonder how people end up in dead end jobs at 40?
• "Clarity of Purpose"
• Finding your focus
• Article from Justin Jackson: Just Help People

 

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[Bouncing Soul]

Wow, nice one, @Andy Black..value bomb

 

[Andy Black]

Also, go to 1:12:20 in this video. His answer to this question blew me away.

 

[Ubermensch]

Hi all,

Just a semi rant/little bit of self loathing.

I am your normal 35 yr old, sidewalker-mid 30k job, house,friends and decent enough social skills.

I am currently single but quite proactive on a number of dating sites and I can get laid without too much effort.

However, Change is required after my last couple of dates..in particular the last one.

She was quite honestly a knockout and the dream woman, who could quite easily do some modelling and I think we got on pretty well. The date went fine and we've been texting since so I know she didnt think i was a complete tool.

Whilst on the date, we were talking about likes, dislikes and interests, hobbies and life experiences-It was then that I realised that I have no sense of conviction about whom I am, and bar some travelling I done back in my early 20's, I have lived a pretty mundane existance for the past 10 years.

Off course I was able to blurt out how I like to keep fit by going to the gym (and I do) but outside work and a couple of hours in the gym per day, I literally have no real interests or hobbies and worse of all..I dont feel strongly about ANYTHING else in particular..I'VE NO IDENTITY OR CONVICTIONS IN MY LIFE!!.. I even use other peoples misfortunes or behaviours to sneer at when trying to be funny.

Has anyone else experienced this or been there and went about rectifying whom they are as a person?

As I said earlier, I am the classic sidewalker whos literally one paycheck from broke, who has aspirations to make more money but never bloody does.

I would love some thoughts of your thoughts people.

You know that scene in the movie Fight Club, when Tyler Durden starts off by lamenting the lack of potential in men just like yourself:

Believe it or not, brother, I can literally see the wasted potential in you. You're a middle-child of history, man. You have "no great war, no great depression." Your war is a $piritual war. Your war is your life.

Perhaps you've done the math, and you know that 35 years adds up to a whopping 306,000+ hours - and you have nothing to show for it all, no deeply held beliefs, no cherished ways of doing things, no craft you've mastered, no skill that you've monetized.

And yet...

You've gotten everyone's attention, haven't you?

Well, I have good news for you. Getting someone's ATTENTION(!) is so important in the sales process that Grant Cardone has a 48-minute video dedicated to the subject:

You have to start winning now, brother. That is the way to turn around your situation immediately.

Early in the above video, notice that Mr. Cardone points out that you need to take advantage of CURRENT market situations. That means, if there is a particular industry in which the service companies are poised for growth, then hunt down those service companies and start selling for one of them.

You can obviously get a date. A general rule of thumb is that if you are good at picking up women, you should be good at sales. The same skills - and the same process - applies. As a corollary to this, this means that if you've studied pick-up artistry, then you've studied sales (to an extent).

Let me ask you an honest question. If you had a check - with your name written on it - would you feel as down in the dumps as you did when you posted the OP? If that check had "$20,000" and your name written on it, would that make you feel better? If you were making money every single day - more than most people do in a week, a month, a year... - would you even have time to worry about your hobbies and interests?

You say you are a side walker that lives paycheck to paycheck. If you increase the frequency of those paychecks, and even if you put some extra zeroes on those paychecks, living "paycheck to paycheck" might not sound so bad to you. The only way to increase your number of paychecks and rapidly increase the size of said paychecks it to get a sales job.

Bro, you know what I say? I say it's great you don't have any hobbies and interests. Therefore, you have nothing to distract you from hustling (selling), making money (selling).

Dude, you don't have time for "hobbies and interests." You need to be in your zone 24/7. You need to have that hustler's electricity coursing through you at all times.

You know what a real hustler is doing while other people fool around with their "hobbies" and "interests"? He's busy dominating his industry. He's busy setting up meetings, setting up calls, following up, following up, and closing, closing, closing. @sija1 Some of us turn coffee into code. Others turn it into closes.

Your life sounds like the early stages of Robert Greene's (see above) life. In the video above, Greene discusses "turning points" in life. At age 36, Greene probably felt a lot like how you feel right now. He had over 80 jobs in his life, before penning his first best seller. In hindsight, he sees that he drew upon his entire life's experiences as material for the pages within his books.

It is human nature to focus on the negative side of things, the emptiness in the half full glass - to feel lost in the black darkness of a night sky, instead of using the stars as sparkling compasses.

35 may seem old to you, but it is really quite young. Most of us live around 18 years under the oppressive dictatorships of our parents. You haven't even lived half of your life as a free man yet. You still have decades to live, and the best is yet to come. At least, at this point, you have admitted the truth to yourself.

 

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[sija1]

Some of us turn coffee into code. Others turn it into closes.

As long as it gets turned into something useful, it will not matter what it is.

 

[oimate]

You're still a 20 year old frat guy in a 35 year old body.

Life is not about getting laid (crass immediate gratification), working out (that's not a personality characteristic), or self appreciation (what are you, 19?). It's not about dating a knockout (superficial), enjoying others misfortune, or spending everything you make.

You've missed most of the highlights of the past 10 years, by looking inward and not looking outward.

Here's what I missed from your post, and I surmise you have missed from your life :

1. philanthropy - what are you doing to make the world a better place
2. investment - instead of focusing on getting laid via. dating sites, what if you focused on being the type of person that didn't have to pay dating sites to get laid?
3. family - my guess is you are the douche bag uncle that isn't involved
4. spirituality - finding a reason that is bigger that you
5. service - when was the last time you did something for someone else that you didn't know
6. strategy on where you're headed
7. financial security - why are you at where you are at? My uncle was 85, never made more than minimum wage, but was in a better financial situation than you are. He had some money in the bank.

Why are you here at the forum? My guess is you were searching for "entrepreneur" and trying to figure out how to escape the rat race that you are in. Most (not all, but most) people can't find success until they fix several of the above areas. It's hard to concentrate on creating value that could impact thousands of people and improve their lives if you can't see past Friday night's dance party and getting laid from the next poor soul in similar circumstances who answers your next ad.

Pull your head out of your a$$. Put some basic building blocks in place. You can't build a mansion if the foundation sucks. You have to fix the foundational aspects of your life before you are ever going to graduate from mediocrity.

The degree to which this post pisses you off will be directly commensurate with the degree that you see yourself within it.

Vigilante you are a complete and utter... speaker of the god darn truth!!.

I am indeed that guy whos literally wasted the past 10 years of my life looking inwards and going for that quick gratification/fix when I should have been having plans and clearly defined goals to becoming less of an self obsessed a**hole.

Your post and the other contributors telling me how it is/tough love did piss me off of and I am happy it has.

You are right that the foundations of my life does pretty much suck so becoming a more rounded person and working out who the hell I am and imposing from base level of who I want to be should be the first initial step to graduating from mediocrity

 

[IceCreamKid]

I’m going to sound like a complete douchebag for saying this, but trust that I’m saying this because I love you.

You sound like a college boy who never grew up. If you had a daughter and she dated a guy like you, would you be smiling about it?

Here’s the problem that I see…

Love is the #1 most effective bribe used by Satan. Attaching too much love to something/someone can be incredibly dangerous for you because it clouds your sense of logic, drains you of motivation, and makes it difficult to see the truth standing in front of you.

I’m not saying that love is a bad thing. I’m just saying that we must maintain a keen sense of what we place too much love and attachment to.

Take out a piece of paper and write down all of the things that you love. Sex…dating sites…cars…your dream woman…anything.

Now think about this for a few minutes: Whatever it is that we love is what we usually end up focusing on all the time. What we focus on usually becomes a habit. A habit repeated over time eventually crystallizes into a final phase that Napoleon Hill refers to as hypnotic rhythm.

The land of hypnotic rhythm is where you’ll find most of society. The drifters. The zombies. The people with no purpose. They mindlessly go to their job everyday like automatic clockwork…an automatic rhythm…hypnotized without even thinking about their greater purpose in life. They’re not bad people, but you’ve made it clear that you don’t want to be one of them.

So take a step away from the noise of life and seriously ask yourself, “What are my strengths that I can offer to the world?”. Everyone has a genius level talent somewhere deep inside of them, but most fail to notice that it’s there because they love the wrong things and are completely clueless to this because they are now in the hypnotic rhythm phase. Find your greater mission and love it. This may require you to lose friends, family, and groups that you hang out with online and offline. That’s okay because you are following your greater purpose.

 

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[Vigilante]

Vigilante you are a complete and utter... speaker of the god darn truth!!.

I am indeed that guy whos literally wasted the past 10 years of my life looking inwards and going for that quick gratification/fix when I should have been having plans and clearly defined goals to becoming less of an self obsessed a**hole.

Your post and the other contributors telling me how it is/tough love did piss me off of and I am happy it has.

You are right that the foundations of my life does pretty much suck so becoming a more rounded person and working out who the hell I am and imposing from base level of who I want to be should be the first initial step to graduating from mediocrity

Shows you have a core worth saving. Get to it. I can't wait to read your post six months from now.

 

[Formless]

"I lost my identity."

Did you ever have one? (legitimate question.)