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Is my association with the term "deserve" holding me back?

Discussion in 'Mindset, Motivation, Choices' started by SprdshtGoddess, Dec 23, 2016.

  1. SprdshtGoddess
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    I just discovered TFM about two weeks ago, and I am blown away - it is truly the most influential book I have ever read. I love the matter-of-fact attitude about how we aren't entitled to a damn thing (despite the fact that I've been accused more than once of being a bleeding heart liberal), as it resonates with how I've lived the last several years of my life.

    That being said, I am now reading The Millionaire Mindset, and the "D" word came up in a testimonial-type quote from someone who attended the guy's seminar. "I deserve to be wealthy." Within its context, the takeaway was that the gal smashed some of her limiting beliefs about money and reclaimed her financial freedom.

    What I struggle with and what subsequently drove me to write this post is that I don't believe I am entitled to or deserve anything. I have felt that way for a long time, but it's not because I have a low sense of worth or anything - it's actually quite the opposite. Life is what we create, and it's up to me to create it. I'm not owed a damn thing. Of course, that's a sentiment that MJ echoes repeatedly (yay!).

    My question is this: am I missing the boat and inhibiting some mental barrier breakthrough from happening by having these sentiments? I don't believe that I deserve to be rich or get out of debt but rather it's my responsibility to make it happen. But, my finances are a mess and I wonder if this attitude may be a contributing factor. Do those of you who have accumulated large amounts of wealth believe that there is a healthy level of entitlement that drove your success?

    Thank you


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  2. beatgoezon
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    beatgoezon Bronze Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    One thing I've come to realize about entitlement and life

    There's a difference between being worthy and being deserving, society tends to mix these two up.

    I believe we are all worthy of safety, love, social acceptance, opportunities, and a desire to live the good life. As equals, no one is superior in terms of worthiness to another, we are all equally worthy to live the life we desire for ourselves.

    But are we all equally deserving?

    Those who discipline themselves to avoid smoking, eat, healthy, and exercise are more deserving of good health than those who smoke, do drugs, drink excessively, eat junk food, and not workout

    Those who risk countless years, capital, self-respect, and effort to become wealthy are more deserving of the freedom it brings than those who live day to day, not plan financially, spend money on nonsense, and never invest in themselves

    Those who consciously change their attitudes, behavior, have loyalty, have self-control on emotions, and care for their social circle are more deserving of family and love than those who lie, deceive, cheat on their spouses, gossip, and spread corruption in the world.


    We're all worthy of living our dream life, but the deserving are the ones who aren't just sitting and dreaming, they're consciously molding their life to their desires
     
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  3. Digamma
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    Yes.

    "Deserve" has the assumption that someone has to give it to you.

    In life you get what you make of yourself, not what you deserve.

    Or if you prefer it put another way, you deserve exactly what you get, so whatever you get you deserved.
     
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  4. SteveO
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    SteveO Legendary Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Deserve is a difficult word for me. It is not easy to place it into a proper context. We work for things and accomplish. Do we deserve as a result? I guess. But the word is so often used as if someone is entitled.

    Entitlement? No, just no...
     
  5. G-Man
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    G-Man Platinum Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    In my experience, people that overspend and spend poorly typically aren't grateful for what they already have. If you're grateful for what you already have, there's not much motivation to go buy a bunch of shit, is there? Not trying to be rude. I'm talking about myself as well.

    Be grateful. Think about what you can do for somebody else... today. It's like a muscle. The mindset shift follows action, in my experience. Start doing things for other people makes you into the kind of person that gets happiness by doing things for others. By looking at things for other people's benefit, you start to see problems that need solving and so on.
     
  6. MidwestLandlord
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    MidwestLandlord Platinum Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Difficult question.

    I think it's a matter of respecting yourself more than it is "I deserve this"

    Respect: "a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way." - Mirriam-Webster

    Do you respect yourself enough to pursue your financial dreams, and make the sacrifices necessary to do so, or do you let your need for "immediate gratification" and "fitting in" consume you?

    Does that make sense?

    As for entitlement, yeah I've struggled with that a lot in life. I've often been called an arrogant prick (for me it is a self worth issue haha)

    No, I don't "deserve" anything, I'm not "entitled" to be rich. But by golly, I'm gonna work hard to fulfill my dreams.

    "I deserve to be rich!" is a bad mindset. But so is "I don't deserve to be rich!" ...ya know?

    Like I said, difficult question. I don't think the word "deserve" really falls into the equation at all.
     
  7. SteveO
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    SteveO Legendary Contributor FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Agree. A firm belief that you will be wealthy is more appropriate.
     
  8. G-Man
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    G-Man Platinum Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    This has action verbs in it. "Deserve" is not active. Like all the stuff I see on this forum from guys that have achieved a lot of cool, inspirational stuff, it always seems to circle back to simple (albeit sometimes difficult) action taking.
     
  9. Kak
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    Kak Legendary Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    I must say it is a word that doesn't find its way in to my vocabulary very often.

    You're on the right track focusing on being the person responsible for your own life. Not thinking you are entitled to the fruits of other people's effort or labor. Collectivist culture does not breed success, individualism, or wealth. Good job recognizing that. Expand on that and consider libertarianism instead of liberalism.

    I can respect libertarianism I can't respect liberalism. Liberalism is the ideology of losers.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
  10. Kak
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    Kak Legendary Contributor Read The Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR

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    The other interesting part here... I have noticed that being a voluntary giver can greatly change your perspective. It can make you more thankful for what you have. It can make your heart break for people who give up on their dreams. You will be thankful that you haven't.

    I say this to folks all the time and there is a common theme:

    People who give say things like: I am so thankful for what I've created. I am so blessed. I am glad I have an affinity for learning. I'm glad I got to help out.

    People who don't give say: I can't afford to give.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
  11. MJ DeMarco
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    MJ DeMarco Raving Lunatic Staff Member Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass LEGENDARY CONTRIBUTOR Summit Attendee

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    Admin Post
    Thank you, I'm happy to hear I was able to make a difference.

    You aren't -- you have the free-will to pursue what makes you happy, or you have the free-will to think it's someone else's job to make you comfortable.

    I believe you are owed the freedom to pursue a life that matters.

    No, exactly the opposite. I can earn the life I feel I deserve -- but it will be hard, it might be long hours, and it won't be all sunshine and rainbows. Life is not fair, human beings can be corrupt, and capitalism has its flaws -- but it is still the best economic system in the world because it is based upon individuality and freedom. I also know that my grinding effort will need to be channelled into a SYSTEM that UNLIMITEDLY rewards versus LIMITEDLY caps. This is the Fastlane construct.

    Greed is a human characteristic and no economic system can eradicate it, despite what the liberal politicians might tell you. The objective is to channel that, mute it, or refocus it into things that add value to society, the help our fellow man, and ultimately, make the place a better world.



    The FASTLANE is NOT about making a fortune by screwing anyone and everyone, destroying the environment, and being a shady business owner-- it's about winning absolute freedom in your life (within the scope of our cultural constraints, which requires money, sometimes a lot of) by virtue of providing actual value to others, and a lot of it.

    The only thing I believe you deserve is the freedom to choose, the freedom to act, and the freedom to pursue.

    "Wealth" can only be delivered by the market by inputting a value stimulus. The larger the stimulus, the greater your wealth.

    Welcome to the forum.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2016
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  12. biophase
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    I hate the word deserve. I find it to be a really hard word to use, in my opinion, properly.

    For the OP, I think your mindset shouldn't be I deserve to be wealthy, but I can achieve whatever goals I set. That's all you need to believe.
     
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  13. Kak
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    Agreed, unless someone deserves to be sued ;)
     
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  14. AndrewNC
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    This mental block will be released when you release the negative self-judgement.

    The question you want to ask yourself is "What does it mean about me if I am wealthy?" The answer you're looking for some negative self-label.
    • It means I am greedy.
    • It means that a hoarder.
    It's this negative self judgement that has gotten in the way. You had an unconscious fear that if you are wealthy, it will mean something bad about you. It doesn't logically make sense, but deep down - that is where the problem was.

    I know on the surface you know it's a good thing wealthy because you are an entrepreneur that helps people, and simply the fact that you're asking these questions and reading this right now means you're well on your way to already being wealthy.

    But everyone knows these things, and the solution to your problem came when you dug down a little bit deeper, below the ground.

    A seed was planted.

    Before you were woken up to our way of thinking and living, some people planted some faulty seeds in your mind. I see this all the time with the people who don't get it like us. They don't realize that we provide value to people, and the only reason you are getting wealthy is because you are providing solutions to problems in their lives.

    It's a same that you're so generous and they still point the fingers at you...

    So your entire life, your teachers, friends, co-workers, society didn't understand this lesson, so they paint a picture of people with money as being greedy. They say we take more than our fair share. I think they do this because they don't understand that the more you give, the more you receive, and simply by the fact that you're giving more (in the form of your products or services), means that you are the complete opposite of being greedy.

    I think it's fair to say now that you're a member of the Fastlane forum here, you can look down at all of them and see that maybe they are the greedy ones?

    I mean, you are here ready to provide solutions to problems in the world. They are the ones that pay people like us the more for the solutions. If you're in a large enough market - you are the motivated go-getter who solves problems for hundreds of thousands (or even millions) of people.

    And with this product or service you are offering - you wouldn't be able to scale your business and reach millions of people if you didn't put a price tag on your product.

    The below diagram is from the logical levels of change. It's what I base all my transformation work off of, and tt the very top is your identity.

    You act congruent with who you think you are.

    So now that you shifted your identity from being a taker (the illusion of being greedy or taking more than your fair share), to the identity of a giver, who is solving problems - you can now see that as an entrepreneur, you are confident in what you are doing.

    Regardless if other people are confused about what it means to make money. The people who planted the faulty seed in your mind are the very ones who water the seeds with the money they spend on products every day.

    And simply by the fact that you can see this now means that you feel an obligation to go out and make some sales. Can't you?

    So now, because you read all of this and you understand this, when you answer that question again: "What does it mean about you if you make money?" What positive identity do you have now?

    Screen Shot 2016-12-23 at 2.32.04 PM.png

    P.S. People use "I deserve to be wealthy" and other positive affirmations to trick their brains into believing this new identity. Positive affirmations are like taking a pile of dog shit, covering it in frosting, and calling it a cupcake.

    It's this negative self-judgement that you scooped up which was the issue all along.
     
  15. Raoul Duke
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    Raoul Duke wubba lubba dub dub Read The Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    The problem is that people are constantly repeating negative affirmations in their heads.
     
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  17. liljmoneyswag
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    How about just starting? Instead of I deserve to be wealthy/successful, how about my products/services deserve to be wealthy and successful bc they are great!
     
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  18. SprdshtGoddess
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    Wow - thanks everyone for your awesome replies! I've been working like mad all morning, day, and night to meet a deadline for my beta testers and haven't been able to spend adequate time absorbing and replying to your comments. It is now stupid late, so I'll have to do that later. I definitely will, though. You have definitely given me gold! Much appreciation to all of you :)
     
  19. SprdshtGoddess
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    I couldn't agree more - thanks for this!
     
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  20. SprdshtGoddess
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    Thanks for taking the time to respond in depth, MJ - I appreciate it!

    And, as an economist myself, I agree fully with Milton Friedman's sentiments about greed. As long as negative externalities are negated, I'm satisfied (although my post wasn't intended to invoke a debate about capitalism or liberalism). I am grateful to have the opportunities that capitalism provides :)
     
  21. SprdshtGoddess
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    Wow - thanks for this, Andrew. I identify with so much of this. And the positive affirmation analogy was perfect! No dog shit cupcakes for me. They never did it for me anyway.
     
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  22. MyRoadTo7
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    My philosophy matches that of the late Jim Rohn, life won't always give you what you want, but you will mostly get what you deserve. If the farmer plants a seed, water and cultivate it, then in miraculous fashion he gets what deserves...a crop. I think you should always feel like you deserve the desires of your heart, and make it a point to get it. Go get get the life you DESERVE!


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  23. biophase
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    But what if a cold front comes in and kills the crop? Did he deserve the crop or did he deserve the cold front to come and kill it?

    I think much more logical. If you follow the steps of growing a plant, you will most likely get a plant because science says a plant will grow if you do A, B and C. I don't think of it as deserving, but more like hard work will get results.
     
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  24. Ubermensch
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    You should be. MJ is a rare breed, a winner as a entrepreneur, with an equal or even greater ability to describe the inner workings and mechanics of success in the economy.

    That's a fair assessment. So, let's evaluate your question with the "matter-of-fact" part of our selves, rather than the "bleeding heart" part of it. After your rational mind creates wealth, you can appease your heart by starting non-profits and engaging in charity. If you think about it, engaging in charity is a natural extension of behavior for the wealthy, because - as it is in industry and enterprise - it boils down to finding needs, and developing a useful and effective process to meet and serve those needs.


    Personally, @Ubermensch congratulates you for seeing the potential error of your ways, questioning them, and considering change. It is this skill that allows humans to dominate a planet full of predators and animals with far greater physical weapons.

    To fully unleash the power of your mind, Ayn Rand understand that we humans needs to grow wings, yet most people grow weighted shackles in the place that they should've sprouted wings.

    The sentiment you express in the OP exists in society, sometimes insidiously. For instance, you strike me as the sort of person who might complain about the "greed" of particular individuals or companies in industry, perhaps in Wall Street or other sectors. And the word "greed" is the most fatuously used word to explain a hackneyed idea. The concept of greed itself is a non-concept; greed is defined as "too much" desire for something.

    The question is: Too much, according to who?

    The point is: No one has the right to tell you how much you deserve, and anyone that uses the word greed tacitly assumes that he or she has some way of telling us all how much we deserve.

    THAT'S why Gordon Gekkon and Milton Friedman rightfully tell us that greed is good.





    On this forum, the phrase Does it hurt bad enough has a kind of reputation. You won't force yourself, the world - or the universe - to change, acknowledge your existence and give you what you want until your desire to do so forces actions that will logically produces results.

    Lots of people hate on @Ubermensch, in real life, and on this forum. The haters and doubters in real life are of far more concern to @Ubermensch than the typed talks of tomfoolery from those that do not actually know @Ubermensch.

    Because @Ubermensch has such a high degree of self-belief, self-love and self-appreciation, he acts accordingly.

    Think about it like this. Have you ever been in love? Head-over-heels in love, like you would do anything for this person? Like you would die for this person, or kill for this person. Like no matter what happened in life, no matter what anyone said, you would do everything in your power to take care of this person.

    Now, ask yourself, do you feel this way about yourself? Because if you really wanted to give someone that you love the sun, moon and stars, you would probably figure out that you need financial freedom to provide the freedom, the healthy lifestyle, the luxury, the fun, that your love deserves.

    Love yourself. Re-awaken your inner child. Let her whisper her deepest desires to you. Pay attention when she talks. What does she really want?

    Find out, and then fighting like hell to win will be an after-thought.


     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2016
  25. MyRoadTo7
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    True. Logic is always a key to the equation, but it's not the only key. And do note, that I did say "mostly deserve."lol I'd like to say that they're all ingredients in the cake of success. Sometimes being an entrepreneur requires you to do the illogical things. There's not always a ROI on every transaction, but as an entrepreneur I'd still spend $30 to satisfy a customer that only spent $10. There is nothing really logical about the mind. Science only makes a hypothesis about most things and that holds true until another scientist discovers a new "truth." Science isn't always absolute, as it's mostly based on someone's "theory." Your mindset can make or break you. How I live and my beliefs won't have the same effect on someone with a different belief system. There's no right or wrong generally, but there's definitely a right or wrong in the case of each individual. It's definitely something each individual should explore for themselves. (I love talking philosophy) I deserve the great life and I have a great life, but the way my ambition is set up, I want to keep getting greater.


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