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RANT I'm full of shit

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RocketG

Contributor
Sep 15, 2019
9
20
13
Guys, I need a reality check.

I'm frustrated with my mindset. I know that I need a complete paradigm shift in my thinking process. Let me start off with my background.

I'm 24 years old. Under the guise of "trying to find a profession I love" for 6 years, I've accomplished nothing. During those six years, I f*cked around for 2-3 years trying to decide what I wanted to do as a career. Initially, I changed my path for a career three times. I finally decided in attending a two-year computing program, but alas, I didn't even last two terms. I dropped out and I was absolutely devastated. I had utterly failed, so I blamed everything on everything else instead of thinking what I could have done wrong. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me. After going through the effort of upgrading courses just to get admitted, I didn't even make it halfway through the program. Pathetic. That's what I thought. I knew exactly why I had dropped out but I was purposely in denial. My ego blinded me from admitting it and it would blind me again. Shortly after, I forced myself to attend another 6-month web developer program because of peer pressure from my parents. This time, wanting to avoid failure at all costs, I completed this program successfully, but seeing as how I thought I knew most of the material, I got cocky and ended up half-assing the program. By the end of the program, the portfolios of my classmates were miles better than what I had managed to scratch up.

Unfortunately, after I finished the program, my mom became extremely ill and again, I took that shit personally. I couldn't believe terrible shit was happening to me AGAIN. My extremely egocentric sheltered a$$ was in disbelief that something like this could happen in MY life. And so, I drowned myself in self-pity for nearly a year. To get my mind off things, I took time to sharpen my web design skills with online courses so I could build a portfolio, get a job, and move the f*ck out of my parents’ house ASAP...but I never did in the end because of massive imposter syndrome/depression. Here I wasted almost a year, convincing myself that I was making a portfolio to apply for jobs. During this period, I also got a warehouse job. Needless to say, I f*cking hated it and quit after 4 months. Once I realized that I literally could not get myself to finish my portfolio much less have the courage to apply for any web related job, I decided to go attend college part-time for computer science. And now I'm slowly chipping away at getting that glorified piece of paper.

During this time, my health declined rapidly, and my energy levels are astronomically low compared to even two years ago.

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something. Even now, I'm taking two courses and I'm honestly f*cking terrified of taking more than that. I've grown up somehow with this mindset of elitism, of minimalist effort and I can't f*cking change it. I want to make a lot of money, and yet, I look down on minimum wage jobs and physical work. Above all, I KNOW that it defies all logic and I know that I'm wrong. But I still identify with these values. My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me. I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.

I realize that this might not be the best place to unload all my insecurities, but I do so knowing that I might get a harsh dose of reality from you, the fastlane forum, Masters of the Hardknock Life.

I appreciate each and every comment, thank you for reading

*EDIT:
Seriously, holy shit. Thank you to each and every one of you. I don't know what to say. All this advice is quite literally life changing and everyone here is generous enough to give it away. If what I'm feeling right now is how it feels to receive true value from others, this gives me all the more reason to provide it for others as well.

*NOTE: I really want to address every one of your comments but I really need to focus on my exams. So I'll come back to address them after a week or two.
 

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Last edited:

Simon Angel

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Apr 24, 2016
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Guys, I need a reality check.

You seem self-aware enough, so I don't think a reality check is what you really need.

Shortly after, I forced myself to attend another 6-month web developer program because of peer pressure from my parents. This time, wanting to avoid failure at all costs, I completed this program successfully, but seeing as how I thought I knew most of the material, I got cocky and ended up half-assing the program. By the end of the program, the portfolios of my classmates were miles better than what I had managed to scratch up.

Guess it wasn't "at all costs" then. Try looking at yourself more objectively - even if you're theoretically capable of achieving a lot, you have nothing to show for it. Not yet, at least.

And while you may be perceiving yourself as a misguided genius, to everyone else you're just a 24-year-old loser. Remember that.

Unfortunately, after I finished the program, my mom became extremely ill and again, I took that shit personally. I couldn't believe terrible shit was happening to me AGAIN. My extremely egocentric sheltered a$$ was in disbelief that something like this could happen in MY life. And so, I drowned myself in self-pity for nearly a year.

Sounds like nothing was actually happening to you. The suffering you experienced was due to your negative reaction to the situation. And how you react to the events that unfold in your life is your own choice and responsibility.

Life's full of suffering and you'd better get that ingrained in your psyche at an early age.

Also, I hope you're taking care of your mother.

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something.

You're overthinking it. If you're fed up with being mediocre, stop losing mental energy on being fed up and start working hard on not being mediocre anymore.

I used to be just like you not long ago. I despised working hard. Working at all, even. Always thought I was above that.

Well, the truth is you've got to start somewhere. And that start isn't usually pretty. But as long as you're not content with where you are, you'll improve significantly over the course of each quarter. And you'll thank yourself for pushing through it.

During this time, my health declined rapidly, and my energy levels are astronomically low compared to even two years ago.

Declined as in you got diagnosed with a chronic disorder? Lost a limb? Or just feeling like crap?

If this isn't just idiopathic lethargy i.e another symptom of your apparent victim complex, get a full blood test panel done, including markers for inflammation, and take it from there.

Build a routine for yourself. If you can't even do that, you won't be able to succeed in business or anything for that matter.

My health advice for you:

1. Go to sleep at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning - a shit ton of benefits
2. Challenge your body by doing 10 sets of push-ups to FAILURE. Doesn't matter if your total is 10, 100, or 1000 - same
3. Walk 10 000 steps every single day - a shit ton of benefits
4. Vitamin D - both from the Sun and capsules - a shit ton of benefits
5. Freezing cold showers every morning to start you day off by doing something super uncomfortable and difficult for the average person

Good luck.
 

Raoul Duke

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Speed112

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Bro...

WTF is all this?

It's... GREAT! Good f*cking job waking yourself up and realizing that there is in fact a better way and you should in fact be seeking it. Asking for help is the first step and I congratulate you for having the courage to do it. I've struggled with similar thoughts and feelings as you've been going through and it took me years to finally say "f*ck this" and get off my a$$.

Now, even if it isn't the right place to unload your shit, who cares? Other people's opinions don't matter. f*ck peer pressure. You're the star of your own story, so act like it.

24 is still plenty young, full of potential and opportunity. You've got an entire life ahead of you. So what are you going to do with it?

Judging from the language you're using, you're in a bit of an identity crisis.

"I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks."

Why? Is that who you are? Some dude who's afraid of taking risks?

Who cares about logic? f*ck all that.

You're angry. You should be. You've wasted years of your life. You want things to change. Good!

Use that to fuel yourself and propel yourself to your goals.

Have you got goals?

Why are you doing what you're doing?

It's no surprise that you're miserable going through random courses and shitty efforts just because you have to. You don't have to do what other people tell you. There's no "supposed to". You don't need a job or a glorified piece of paper or anything... except to focus on accomplishing your purpose and helping others accomplish theirs.

Ask yourself questions and find the answers. Why can't you finish your portfolio? Why do you even need a portfolio? Why don't you believe in yourself enough to get those jobs you want.

You look down on minimum wage low-skill work? Great, then don't do it. How can you do high-value low-effort work instead? Have you got what it takes for that?

Figure out your purpose and figure out the steps you need to take to fulfill it.

You can't change the shit that's happening around you. It happens to everyone. Deal with it. What you can change is the actions you take to overcome adversity and achieve your goals.

Right now your actions are half-assing courses and wallowing in self-pity. I know that feel. I've done that. My dad is actively doing that right now at f*cking 61. It's not easy to get over it. But nobody will get you over it except yourself.

Who do you want to be?

Some mediocre guy who coasts through bs while looking down at people who are actually making something of their lives while his is wasting away in the comfort enabled by his parents' disappointment?

Or a mountain of a man with indomitable will who independently gets up and overcomes adversity again and again in spite of uncontrollable weather to not just help but save the lives of those around him?

Figure out your own ideal you and act as you need to in order to become that you.

Leave the past behind. It happened. You can't change it. You flunked your courses. Your colleagues did better at some things. Who cares? Most of them will be stuck in the Slowlane for decades while you accelerate right past them. Shit happened. It's water under the bridge.

What about tomorrow?

Will you let the same things happen tomorrow? When will you put a stop to it? When you're 30? When you accidentally have a kid? When your parents finally die and you inherit a tiny sum you're going to waste anyway because you've not built the skills to manage it?

When?

You've already got more than you need to reach whatever goals you can imagine. Want to make a billion dollars? Easy. Go out there and make $1 first. You can make $1 right now. Go knock on doors and clean their windows or something. It's not hard. Making money is easy.

Once you make $1, you can put it forward to make $10. Take $10 and make $100. Then $1k. Then 10k. 50k. A million...

You might not go fast enough to reach a billion in your lifetime. But you can still reach 10, 20, 50 mil if you miss the mark (by a lot!). And you'll never accomplish anything if you're just standing still or starting over a hundred times.

So stop biding your time and just do useful stuff. Build your future. Design it and craft it with your brain and hands. Nothing will magically fall in your lap and your parents can't nurture you forever.

Be glad that you've had the opportunity to make it to 24 with health and education. You're probably more privileged than 99% of the people on the planet. Make use of it. Don't let it go to waste.

Take the skills you ALREADY have. The hard work you have in you that you've already put forth many times throughout your life. Take that and help someone. Anyone. Do it for free. Help them and prove to yourself that you can in fact do this. Use the things you're good at that they're not and make their life just a tiny bit better.

Once you stop believing you're a lazy bum, which should start right this moment... you will be able to charge people for the value you are providing for them. If you bring them $1000 worth of value by solving a problem they have, how hard could it possibly be to ask them for $200 in exchange for it? You've invested years in learning how to solve problems. So start doing that for people.

Are you worse than some random dude from the 3rd world with broken English and 80 IQ who charges people $10 for some menial task? I find that hard to believe. So f*ck being afraid. You can do GOOD. That's what matters. Even if you f*ck up. If you f*ck something up, learn from your mistake and fix it. No harm no foul. Next time you won't.

Every successful person has failed countless times.

If you're not failing, you're not going fast enough. So gear the f*ck up, get going, fail a bunch of times, earn your independence, earn your freedom, surpass your goals, aim higher... and stop holding yourself back.

You've got what it takes. You just have to believe in yourself a bit more.

Godspeed.
 

sparechange

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Nov 11, 2016
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You need to move out, even if temporary.. try it out for 6 months. Visit some Lamborghini dealerships, sit in the car, blow some farts, smell the leather and feel inspired. Ask for a ride in one, man those things are stupid fast, got a ride in a superlegga and I couldn't stop smiling god dam I need one of those.

Create a business that earns value voucher, I remember one of my first sales and cryed like a little girl that got a pony for Christmas, it feels good to get something out in the marketplace and have people thank you for your work, it might even be better than money, maybe you can even ''get lucky'' and earn millions or billions from it aswell, why not? Helping other people is one of the best feelings in the world, MJ likes to call it ''entrepreneurial heroin''

Make sure you smell the leather before farting, almost forgot that part! But let's start off with flooding the world with value, any idea that you have that can make some stranger smile or enhance their life in some way is something you *need* to do, once you figure out that part which pretty much everyone skips and only focus on how to make money... everything else will fall into place and it will become ''easy'' and it's all coasting downhill from there with just a few bumps in the road. I'm a total moron and have figured out this entrepenur thing, trust me I am a really stupid person, if I can do it so can you.

And a minimum wage job would actually be a good thing for you, you can learn how to be humble and respectful and use it as motivation to escape the rat race. Those people working minimum wage jobs supporting themselves are much more successful than a person like yourself looking down on them while you are a bum living at home.

IMO everyone should scrub a shit stained toilet with a horrible boss to know the alternative to an entrepreneurial lifestyle.

Good luck
 
Last edited:

salva101

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My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me.

On top of everything they said above (props to the routine posted by @Simon Angel — I’m doing it too) — I want to target this specific quote.

Even in this whole situation and being self aware, how possibly can you infer that your parents lack discipline or anything for that matter? They are lovely parents and you should be grateful for that. Its not their lack of discipline to offer you shelter for life, its YOUR lack of action that makes you stay there.

Shame on you trying to create another excuse on nice people — and that might be your problem...

And yeah, like already suggested above: take a health check, adjust your routine and take actions!

And Im pretty sure you, by this time, already know that a computer science degree is useless — actually the only thing it has helped me was in an immigration process (speaking as a seasoned 12 years Software Engineer here — cant stop to be amazed by how brilliant self taught developers are).
 

Rockeez

New Contributor
Apr 9, 2021
14
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I am from a third world country and in same similar life situation as you, but the difference is I am 23yrs.

I have come to a relization that I have to take responsibilities for whatever happens to me in life and stop blaming people.

People like us just have to believe in ourselves more and take courageous risks because that is only our limitation.
 

Primeperiwinkle

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I’m glad you’ve hit the point in the story where you’re sick of your own bs. Some ppl never get that far, they just keep lying to themselves.

But you’re still missing an essential element. Pride.

You’re afraid to ask for help from professional people.
You’re afraid to share the stupid loser level of portfolio you have now.
You’re afraid to look stupid.

Ergo, you need a challenge.

Find 20 successful web designers to contact and write them each a message. Tell them you are desperately trying to refine your skills and your portfolio sucks and then ask politely if they wouldn’t mind looking at your portfolio and saying one thing that you should focus on or change.

You have until the end of April.
Good luck.
 

Itizn

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Sep 25, 2019
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I'm 24 years old. Under the guise of "trying to find a profession I love" for 6 years, I've accomplished nothing.
It may seem that way now, but I can assure you that's not true.
It may take a few years, but things you've pursued and learned in that timespan will remain in your brain.

One day in the future an opportunity will present itself, and you'll be able to look back and draw from those years and experiences to help you move forward. It's funny how things work out in the end.

I have several seemingly irrelevant and unrelated experiences in my past exploits that manage to pop up, seemingly out of nowhere, while I'm on my current journey. Everything connects.
 

Mario_fastlaner

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My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me. I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.
I think the problem is here. You have to change your environment and take responsibility, so move out, get a job and go to another city. The only 2 ways that I know to have relevant changes are: change the environment or having a shock event.

Also, the fact that you're 24 and accomplished nothing is not a problem. We are taught by society that you have to know what to do and do it without losing time, when you're 14 you should already know what job to do, but the strength of the fastlane lies also in not needing a lifetime to become rich.

In his book, Mj says when he was 27 he was depressed and miserable, by the time of 31 (or 32) he was a millionaire.
 

RocketG

Contributor
Sep 15, 2019
9
20
13
You seem self-aware enough, so I don't think a reality check is what you really need.



Guess it wasn't "at all costs" then. Try looking at yourself more objectively - even if you're theoretically capable of achieving a lot, you have nothing to show for it. Not yet, at least.

And while you may be perceiving yourself as a misguided genius, to everyone else you're just a 24-year-old loser. Remember that.
You're absolutely correct. I'm glad you pointed this out. I've been internalizing all of this but never recognized or acknowledged it because I had no one to talk to. It's honestly refreshing to hear from someone else.

Sounds like nothing was actually happening to you. The suffering you experienced was due to your negative reaction to the situation. And how you react to the events that unfold in your life is your own choice and responsibility.

Life's full of suffering and you'd better get that ingrained in your psyche at an early age.
Yes, in hindsight, nothing that occurred was detrimental at all. I just reacted that way because I was an egocentric brat. Ironically, this was such a shock to me, which had me realize that shit happens in life, and we just have to learn to deal with it the best we can.

Also, I hope you're taking care of your mother.
Absolutely, despite my thoughts, I still love her, I always did and will, and so I do my best in helping her out.

You're overthinking it. If you're fed up with being mediocre, stop losing mental energy on being fed up and start working hard on not being mediocre anymore.
Seriously, it's like you've read my mind. I just need to take the step and stop worrying about stupid stuff.

I used to be just like you not long ago. I despised working hard. Working at all, even. Always thought I was above that.
Yes, you can say somewhere along the way, I acquired a massive sense of entitlement.

Well, the truth is you've got to start somewhere. And that start isn't usually pretty. But as long as you're not content with where you are, you'll improve significantly over the course of each quarter. And you'll thank yourself for pushing through it.
Yeah, I've become terrified not being valuable enough or smart enough to do certain things, which definitely comes from perfectionism. I need to get that shit out of my system but I guess the only way of doing that is taking that first step.

Declined as in you got diagnosed with a chronic disorder? Lost a limb? Or just feeling like crap?

If this isn't just idiopathic lethargy i.e another symptom of your apparent victim complex, get a full blood test panel done, including markers for inflammation, and take it from there.
It's a chronic condition that I've had since childhood. It didn't effect me much when I was younger but it's gotten noticeably worse. I've been going to the doctors to treat it but it's been pretty tight on me financially.

Build a routine for yourself. If you can't even do that, you won't be able to succeed in business or anything for that matter.

My health advice for you:

1. Go to sleep at the same time every night, and get up at the same time every morning - a shit ton of benefits
2. Challenge your body by doing 10 sets of push-ups to FAILURE. Doesn't matter if your total is 10, 100, or 1000 - same
3. Walk 10 000 steps every single day - a shit ton of benefits
4. Vitamin D - both from the Sun and capsules - a shit ton of benefits
5. Freezing cold showers every morning to start you day off by doing something super uncomfortable and difficult for the average person

Good luck.
I'll try to incorporate this into every day.

Thanks Simon. I'm going to take this to heart and come back to this thread to drill it into my head every day, so I can change for the better.
 

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Deleted78083

Guest
To quote something I have read here, "pick the color of your Lamborghini".

On a more serious note though.

All you wrote about is the past, it's gone, time to let it where it is and to focus on the future.

First thing, congrats, you are very self-aware.

Second, I didn't feel you have any "why" in your life. Reading you felt like reading a spoiled child (i could recognize myself a lot in there actually). Everything was handed to you and you don't know where to go nor how to do and get things by yourself.

You wanna be rich, ok, but why? If you don't have a why, you will go nowhere.

So figure that out.

Next up, you need to train your discipline muscle.

1. Cut sugar, seed oils, and carbs (try the keto diet)
2. Get at least 8h of sleep per night and don't go to sleep past midnight
3. Exercise at least 3x a week.

You will already feel better, you will have more energy, and will be better able to tack challenges.

Once you have figured out your why, draft on a piece of paper a one-year goal, then divide that goal in two and make-up a 6-months goal, which should help you achieve your one-year goal, then divide it into a one-month goal, that will help you achieve your 6-months goal.

Start working towards your one-month goal and don't rest until you reached it.

I'll let you figure out the rest after one.

NB: I used to look down on certain jobs as well. Then one day I heard "if you think you are too good for a job, you don't deserve it". I have since then, never looked down on a job ever again.
 

RocketG

Contributor
Sep 15, 2019
9
20
13
Bro...

WTF is all this?

It's... GREAT! Good f*cking job waking yourself up and realizing that there is in fact a better way and you should in fact be seeking it. Asking for help is the first step and I congratulate you for having the courage to do it. I've struggled with similar thoughts and feelings as you've been going through and it took me years to finally say "f*ck this" and get off my a$$.

Now, even if it isn't the right place to unload your shit, who cares? Other people's opinions don't matter. f*ck peer pressure. You're the star of your own story, so act like it.

24 is still plenty young, full of potential and opportunity. You've got an entire life ahead of you. So what are you going to do with it?

Judging from the language you're using, you're in a bit of an identity crisis.

"I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks."

Why? Is that who you are? Some dude who's afraid of taking risks?

Who cares about logic? f*ck all that.

You're angry. You should be. You've wasted years of your life. You want things to change. Good!

Use that to fuel yourself and propel yourself to your goals.

Have you got goals?

Why are you doing what you're doing?

It's no surprise that you're miserable going through random courses and shitty efforts just because you have to. You don't have to do what other people tell you. There's no "supposed to". You don't need a job or a glorified piece of paper or anything... except to focus on accomplishing your purpose and helping others accomplish theirs.

Ask yourself questions and find the answers. Why can't you finish your portfolio? Why do you even need a portfolio? Why don't you believe in yourself enough to get those jobs you want.

You look down on minimum wage low-skill work? Great, then don't do it. How can you do high-value low-effort work instead? Have you got what it takes for that?

Figure out your purpose and figure out the steps you need to take to fulfill it.

You can't change the shit that's happening around you. It happens to everyone. Deal with it. What you can change is the actions you take to overcome adversity and achieve your goals.

Right now your actions are half-assing courses and wallowing in self-pity. I know that feel. I've done that. My dad is actively doing that right now at f*cking 61. It's not easy to get over it. But nobody will get you over it except yourself.

Who do you want to be?

Some mediocre guy who coasts through bs while looking down at people who are actually making something of their lives while his is wasting away in the comfort enabled by his parents' disappointment?

Or a mountain of a man with indomitable will who independently gets up and overcomes adversity again and again in spite of uncontrollable weather to not just help but save the lives of those around him?

Figure out your own ideal you and act as you need to in order to become that you.

Leave the past behind. It happened. You can't change it. You flunked your courses. Your colleagues did better at some things. Who cares? Most of them will be stuck in the Slowlane for decades while you accelerate right past them. Shit happened. It's water under the bridge.

What about tomorrow?

Will you let the same things happen tomorrow? When will you put a stop to it? When you're 30? When you accidentally have a kid? When your parents finally die and you inherit a tiny sum you're going to waste anyway because you've not built the skills to manage it?

When?

You've already got more than you need to reach whatever goals you can imagine. Want to make a billion dollars? Easy. Go out there and make $1 first. You can make $1 right now. Go knock on doors and clean their windows or something. It's not hard. Making money is easy.

Once you make $1, you can put it forward to make $10. Take $10 and make $100. Then $1k. Then 10k. 50k. A million...

You might not go fast enough to reach a billion in your lifetime. But you can still reach 10, 20, 50 mil if you miss the mark (by a lot!). And you'll never accomplish anything if you're just standing still or starting over a hundred times.

So stop biding your time and just do useful stuff. Build your future. Design it and craft it with your brain and hands. Nothing will magically fall in your lap and your parents can't nurture you forever.

Be glad that you've had the opportunity to make it to 24 with health and education. You're probably more privileged than 99% of the people on the planet. Make use of it. Don't let it go to waste.

Take the skills you ALREADY have. The hard work you have in you that you've already put forth many times throughout your life. Take that and help someone. Anyone. Do it for free. Help them and prove to yourself that you can in fact do this. Use the things you're good at that they're not and make their life just a tiny bit better.

Once you stop believing you're a lazy bum, which should start right this moment... you will be able to charge people for the value you are providing for them. If you bring them $1000 worth of value by solving a problem they have, how hard could it possibly be to ask them for $200 in exchange for it? You've invested years in learning how to solve problems. So start doing that for people.

Are you worse than some random dude from the 3rd world with broken English and 80 IQ who charges people $10 for some menial task? I find that hard to believe. So f*ck being afraid. You can do GOOD. That's what matters. Even if you f*ck up. If you f*ck something up, learn from your mistake and fix it. No harm no foul. Next time you won't.

Every successful person has failed countless times.

If you're not failing, you're not going fast enough. So gear the f*ck up, get going, fail a bunch of times, earn your independence, earn your freedom, surpass your goals, aim higher... and stop holding yourself back.

You've got what it takes. You just have to believe in yourself a bit more.

Godspeed.
Holy shit. I'm amped as hell just from reading that.

You're right. f*ck all logic. I've been in my head for way to long, thinking about useless shit and doing absolutely nothing because of it. All this time I've been doing nothing in order to prevent failure. But I need to embrace that shit. This is such a massive confidence booster. Thanks for this.
 

RocketG

Contributor
Sep 15, 2019
9
20
13
On top of everything they said above (props to the routine posted by @Simon Angel — I’m doing it too) — I want to target this specific quote.

Even in this whole situation and being self aware, how possibly can you infer that your parents lack discipline or anything for that matter? They are lovely parents and you should be grateful for that. Its not their lack of discipline to offer you shelter for life, its YOUR lack of action that makes you stay there.


Shame on you trying to create another excuse on nice people — and that might be your problem...

Shit, after trying to argue this point, I gave up because you're absolutely right. My parents decide what they want to do, and I should as well . I think this is just a testament to my dependency on them. I would rather have them reprimand me in some way or form to get my a$$ into gear instead of me doing it myself. But I'm 24, an adult now. So it's up to me to take action in whatever I want to do. Thanks for pointing this out.

And yeah, like already suggested above: take a health check, adjust your routine and take actions!

And Im pretty sure you, by this time, already know that a computer science degree is useless — actually the only thing it has helped me was in an immigration process (speaking as a seasoned 12 years Software Engineer here — cant stop to be amazed by how brilliant self taught developers are).

Yeah, I'm realizing now that I need to do the work myself. School assignments can only teach so much, and ironically, I learned 10x more doing online courses than 1 semester of coursework in the same amount of time. I'm not specifically averse to getting a degree as I'm trying to use it as supplementary to what I will be self-teaching myself though.
 
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jpl

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@RocketG I’m looking forward to coming back here and actually reading that you took on the advice and changed something.

Trust me when I say that I know how hard it is to start changing who you are and becoming better. I’ve been in that bubble of self awareness and hating my life for about 6 years. My reality check (and FTE) happened when after getting a masters degree I felt entitled to at least 3k€ monthly salary and all I got was a 45h/week shit job for 1.9k€ after being unemployed for 8 months.
 

Brrr

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I think you may be lacking the actual motivation that leads to something.

It seems like you want money? Why? So that you can lounge around in a nicer house or a beach, consume expensive things, or maybe impress other people? Really think about what you want and what you are willing to give to society in exchange for that money.

What gets you out of bed in the morning to push that boulder up the hill for the nth day in a row is not going to be some future leisure or future purchase, but the practical building of something bigger and better than the day before. You are going to have good days and bad days but every day you should strive to move the needle a bit, it's a very long journey.

I think you need to start working a job if you are really directionless because it will create a routine that you can build around. After that, you can start to think about how you can impact things and start your entrepreneurship journey, the benefit of this is that while you are figuring this out you can save money for your project.

Forget about solving everything at once, just solve the first problem, then the second, and so on. Eventually, you will be in a totally different place and be a different person. You can't expect to change as a person if you don't complete the actions first. You don't become an athlete in your mind and then start getting good at a sport, getting good at a sport makes you an athlete.
 
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RocketG

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I’m glad you’ve hit the point in the story where you’re sick of your own bs. Some ppl never get that far, they just keep lying to themselves.

But you’re still missing an essential element. Pride.

You’re afraid to ask for help from professional people.
You’re afraid to share the stupid loser level of portfolio you have now.
You’re afraid to look stupid.
Yeah, wow this is it. I want to believe I'm some genius but really, I know I don't have jack to show for it.

Ergo, you need a challenge.

Find 20 successful web designers to contact and write them each a message. Tell them you are desperately trying to refine your skills and your portfolio sucks and then ask politely if they wouldn’t mind looking at your portfolio and saying one thing that you should focus on or change.

You have until the end of April.
Good luck.
Holy shit, I never even thought about this cuz my prideful a$$. I haven't worked on web design in a while but after this thread. I gotta get it. Amazing suggestions, thank you.
 

RocketG

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I think you may be lacking the actual motivation that leads to something.

It seems like you want money? Why? So that you can lounge around in a nicer house or a beach, consume expensive things, or maybe impress other people? Really think about what you want and what you are willing to give to society in exchange for that money.

What gets you out of bed in the morning to push that boulder up the hill for the nth day in a row is not going to be some future leisure or motivation, but the practical building of something bigger and better than the day before. You are going to have good days and bad days but every day you should strive to move the needle a bit, it's a very long journey.
Initially, I was just a young'un wanting yatchz, lambo's and the works cuz why the hell not. Just living the life of luxuries. But after my comfortable life was flipped upside down (figuratively), I've realized my pains are just the tip of the iceberg, that there are tons of people struggling through so much more. Needless to say, I want to help my inner social circle, but I also want to support the people that are hurting the most.

Now I don't want to come off as Buddha so of course, I'll mention that I want the luxuries of life. Multiple sports cars, a large home in a nice secluded location but I think the most important thing for me is my time. I don't want to work a 9-5 job until I'm 70 and "enjoy" the money while walking with a cane or stroller. I just want to retire early and make use of my time as I see fit.

I think you need to start working a job if you are really directionless because it will create a routine that you can build around. After that, you can start to think about how you can impact things and start your entrepreneurship journey, the benefit of this is that while you are figuring this out you can save money for your project.

Forget about solving everything at once, just solve the first problem, then the second, and so on. Eventually, you will be in a totally different place and be a different person. You can't expect to change as a person if you don't complete the actions first. You don't become an athlete in your mind and then start getting good at a sport, getting good at a sport makes you an athlete.
That also what I was thinking of. My first step should be getting a job so I can socialize and get to know people, their perspectives and broaden my own horizons a little bit. Get into a constant stride.

Thanks for the advice!
All of you on here are literally pulling my ill-formed thoughts right out of my brain.
 

RocketG

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Once you have figured out your why, draft on a piece of paper a one-year goal, then divide that goal in two and make-up a 6-months goal, which should help you achieve your one-year goal, then divide it into a one-month goal, that will help you achieve your 6-months goal.

Start working towards your one-month goal and don't rest until you reached it.

I'll let you figure out the rest after one.

NB: I used to look down on certain jobs as well. Then one day I heard "if you think you are too good for a job, you don't deserve it". I have since then, never looked down on a job ever again.
Will do, and if I have enough of backbone, I'll post it here on the forum for posterity.
 

Simon Angel

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@RocketG,

I don't know where you're from, but I can tell you what I did when I started out with web design (and owed a lot of money).

I live in Bulgaria and researched local service-based businesses, construction companies, and e-commerce stores.

After finding out obvious flaws in their marketing funnel or design in general, that would've potentially caused lower conversions, I would find the business owner's number and then called them directly to let them know they could be making way more money and attracting many more clients than they currently are with their website.

Once I got their attention, I always pushed to meet and discuss this face to face. That's when people start taking you more seriously, after all.

To arrange a meet-up, I usually say "When are you free to meet up this week?" and if they're the indecisive type, I just shoot a random day and hour and ask if it works for them.

The actual selling part is pretty straight-forward. You compliment their website (as shitty as it is) for a brief moment, and then proceed with explaining exactly what can be done to increase their sales. Depending on the industry and niche, you'll sound like a computer wiz to most business owners you meet, so they're going to ask for a simple explanation. It's also good to ask them a lot of questions about their business before you even start selling the website to them. Such as their revenue per year, profit per client, etc. Don't ever quote a price before you've discussed this.

Like @Speed112 said if you can provide even just one sale or client for the business through their new website per year, and that sale or client happens to be $10 000, $20 000 or whatnot (like for a construction company or some home-renovation type business like kitchen cabinets refinishing), then you can easily ask for 1/10 of that for the website.

If anything less than that, I'd think of a minimum price for your websites (like $1000).
 

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jpl

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Also @RocketG
I don’t know if you’ve already read TMF and Unscripted ? If not I highly suggest you pick up either of them and start today. Those books really change your perspective.
 

sparechange

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The only one I haven't been able to do yet

I've been jumping in the pool at 5 celcisus and doing laps, (last night had a bottle of wine) WOOO what a way to live life... try that sometime.
 

sparechange

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@RocketG SO when are you moving out?
 

Speed112

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@RocketG SO when are you moving out?

This is such a funny question.

When I was in a similar boat as him it took a long-a$$ time to finally pull that trigger. The breakthrough and realization that I wanted more than just the slowlane happened several years before I could commit to being free...

Was broke af in highschool with sick parents and couldn't support my endeavors and relationships -> depression.

Dropped out of school due to extreme disillusionment, was relentlessly attacked by everyone for it -> depression.

Mom died and I was stuck with my mentally ill father, with 0 social support, full of frustration, feeling trapped -> depression.

My purpose and passion were completely dead and I had 0 prospects, despite being miles ahead of my peers in terms of skills and experience.

I was trying to do some entrepreneurial stuff but I sucked at selling. Had no confidence in my voice, was afraid of asking for money, and when people volunteered to work with me I got cold feet and ran away.

At one point I had enough. Decided it was time to fix things. I needed to be free. So I got a sales job. It promised to solve my big bottleneck... selling to people and asking them for money. I had the skills to follow through already. Just needed confidence.

I vowed to dedicate myself for 3 months to this endeavor as shitty as it may be. I already knew I never wanted to be an employee. It wasn't as awful as expected... somewhat therapeutic. But I had no life outside that job for those 3 months. I even worked extra. Because I had a very specific and strong purpose: Earn My Freedom.

To accomplish that I needed to learn how to sell, learn how to ask for money, get out of my depression, get my confidence back, and MOVE THE F*CK OUT.

The sales job helped with all of those things. It was a new environment. I had performance-based compensation so I had incentives to learn and improve. It was high-pressure and high-energy so it forced me to perform. And it funded my efforts to move out.

90 days later I was ready to go! ...

Just kidding. I had packed my bags to leave 6 months before getting the job and it took 3 months after going through that experience to finally say "f*ck this" and go. So nearly an entire year between my decision that "I MUST move out" and finally taking the leap.

I had talked with quite a few of my international friends and had set up potential accommodations in several countries throughout that year. But I was never able to go all-in on it until a window opened up that was less committal. A place of my own still in the country and close enough to the roots holding me back where I wasn't cutting off all ties with my entire past life...

I've been in this place ever since.

12 months from decision to action.

3 months after moving out I was making 3 times more than I made at the sales job while working 10x less and having 100% of the freedom I so desperately aimed for.

Now I'd like to say that I wish I just moved out sooner, before even going to University, maybe even in my teens... I had the opportunity to go to school abroad, even in the US. But, realistically, had I not gone through all those steps, worked through my limiting beliefs, fixed my mindset, and encountered the opportunity for a lower barrier and less commitment on the leap... I likely would have still been stuck suffering and decaying together with my dad.

This path is liberating and extraordinarily empowering... but it's not easy. And going cold-turkey is a huge ask.

Small action is better than no action, and BIG action can be daunting.

Still, BIG action should be the aim, driven by a BIG purpose.

So I'd recommend, instead of attempting to go super all-in on independence NOW and risk relapsing into mediocrity because the foundation isn't strong enough to support the balls to the walls commitment...

Set a deadline. Answer the question. When are you going to take the leap?

Once that is set, take the time to prepare and build up to it. Face some obstacles and overcome them with the support that currently exists. Build that foundation, the confidence, the process that you can trust to carry you through all adversity. The leap will be pre-decided. You must not and cannot avoid it. So you must be ready for it when it happens.

Find a purpose that you believe in. Design a Plan A that you believe in. Become a YOU that you believe in.

And then let go.

If you wish to fly, you must jump out of the nest eventually. Jump. Flap your wings as hard as you can. You'll catch the wind somehow. And even if you hit the bottom, it's fine, because you're strong and can take it. It's gonna hurt, but you can climb back up and jump again. So don't worry. Trust yourself, your purpose, and your process and you'll get where you want to be.

Now be decisive and become a person that you can trust.
 

Kevin88660

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Guys, I need a reality check.

I'm frustrated with my mindset. I know that I need a complete paradigm shift in my thinking process. Let me start off with my background.

I'm 24 years old. Under the guise of "trying to find a profession I love" for 6 years, I've accomplished nothing. During those six years, I f*cked around for 2-3 years trying to decide what I wanted to do as a career. Initially, I changed my path for a career three times. I finally decided in attending a two-year computing program, but alas, I didn't even last two terms. I dropped out and I was absolutely devastated. I had utterly failed, so I blamed everything on everything else instead of thinking what I could have done wrong. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me. After going through the effort of upgrading courses just to get admitted, I didn't even make it halfway through the program. Pathetic. That's what I thought. I knew exactly why I had dropped out but I was purposely in denial. My ego blinded me from admitting it and it would blind me again. Shortly after, I forced myself to attend another 6-month web developer program because of peer pressure from my parents. This time, wanting to avoid failure at all costs, I completed this program successfully, but seeing as how I thought I knew most of the material, I got cocky and ended up half-assing the program. By the end of the program, the portfolios of my classmates were miles better than what I had managed to scratch up.

Unfortunately, after I finished the program, my mom became extremely ill and again, I took that shit personally. I couldn't believe terrible shit was happening to me AGAIN. My extremely egocentric sheltered a$$ was in disbelief that something like this could happen in MY life. And so, I drowned myself in self-pity for nearly a year. To get my mind off things, I took time to sharpen my web design skills with online courses so I could build a portfolio, get a job, and move the f*ck out of my parents’ house ASAP...but I never did in the end because of massive imposter syndrome/depression. Here I wasted almost a year, convincing myself that I was making a portfolio to apply for jobs. During this period, I also got a warehouse job. Needless to say, I f*cking hated it and quit after 4 months. Once I realized that I literally could not get myself to finish my portfolio much less have the courage to apply for any web related job, I decided to go attend college part-time for computer science. And now I'm slowly chipping away at getting that glorified piece of paper.

During this time, my health declined rapidly, and my energy levels are astronomically low compared to even two years ago.

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something. Even now, I'm taking two courses and I'm honestly f*cking terrified of taking more than that. I've grown up somehow with this mindset of elitism, of minimalist effort and I can't f*cking change it. I want to make a lot of money, and yet, I look down on minimum wage jobs and physical work. Above all, I KNOW that it defies all logic and I know that I'm wrong. But I still identify with these values. My parents are absolute angels in that they'll let me live at home for as long as possible, but I know this is a lack of discipline in their part by being too lax with me. I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.

I realize that this might not be the best place to unload all my insecurities, but I do so knowing that I might get a harsh dose of reality from you, the fastlane forum, Masters of the Hardknock Life.


I appreciate each and every comment, thank you for reading
Whats preventing you from putting into effort to pursue the course you have chosen?

It seems like you don’t really believe that the courses will benefit in or you are not that excited about becoming a web developer or computer engineer.

You are young and pretty good in having self awareness. You just need more experience to figure out the path ahead. A good software need good data inputs and upgrades as well.

Take a job to have a minimum income and enough personal time for you to venture into things that could be life changing.

1)Having the income could boost your morale.

2) Getting more exposure in the working world give you more exposure to real world outside your students life experience

3) I hate learning things in advance and pray that they are going to be useful. Let demand drive your learning. Learn what is relevant to your job or business. A lot of things you fan learn online and they are free.

You cannot figure out without trying.
 
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The-J

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There's a lot to unpack here so I'm only going to focus on one aspect of your post, since it's something that I've been dealing with for a long time and have only really started to break out of it last year (thanks to the pandemic, oddly enough).

What can I say guys, I'm fed up with my mediocrity. In all this, I see such small levels of effort in everything I do. I feel like I don't even know how it is to work hard at something. Even now, I'm taking two courses and I'm honestly f*cking terrified of taking more than that.
I have become too comfortable with living and I'm afraid of taking risks. I've regressed into a shell and no one will tell me otherwise, which is why I've come here as a last resort.

These two points are related. Why?

Your fear of taking risks is preventing you from putting the effort necessary to succeed.

Putting effort into anything is a risk, because there's an opportunity cost associated with doing anything. There could be something that will give better returns, or is more well suited for your skills. You just don't know, and that's the risk!

People talk about laziness. I don't believe in lazy. If I put a gun to your head and told you to do 100 pushups or I'll kill you, you'd do 101. You're not lazy, you're just stuck between two equally powerful forces: comfort (which keeps you unmotivated), and fear (which prevents you from moving).

So what do you end up doing? You put in just enough effort to stay comfortable. And it's never enough. You end up not doing the difficult things, and when you do the difficult things you cut as many corners as possible in order to reduce the amount of effort you have to put in.

Effort IS discomfort, and discomfort IS effort. The only way you can grow is to put in more effort, thus the only way to grow is to be uncomfortable. But how do you do that if you're comfortable?

First, accept where you are now. Without doing this you will always be lost. You ARE here, now.

Next, really take a look at your life. What will it look like if you continued on your current road? Is it a life you'd like to live? Let the pain of your own mediocre future motivate you. Why do you think MJ talks so much about FTEs? A "fk-this event" is the slap in the face that tells you "Hey buddy, the road you're going down ain't pretty, you need to change course NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW." A FTE makes you uncomfortable with your comfort. It pulls back the veil and shows you that the heaven you built for yourself is actually your own personal hell.

If you like the road you're going down, then leave this forum and continue on your path. You'll be happier that way. But, if not, keep reading.

Once you're uncomfortable with your comfort, you need to address your fear of taking risks. Just hating your comfort isn't going to help you if you're not willing to do what it takes to get out of it.

First, understand that everything you do is a risk, even if you do nothing. There's no getting away from risk. It's impossible. Being afraid of risk is like being afraid of food. You have to eat to live, and you have to take risks to get anywhere in life. So you need to learn to (1) execute scared, and (2) do due diligence for any endeavor. Due diligence means understanding the risks you're taking and deciding what level of risk is acceptable. You will get better at due diligence the more you do it. For now, accept that you're not very good at it but that you're willing to do it. Luckily, this is an ongoing process and you'll be doing due diligence a LOT as an entrepreneur, so you will eventually get good at it if you continue on it.

If you're uncomfortable, there's no excuse for putting in too little effort. You have to take the risk that your time, money, effort will be wasted. You HAVE to accept this. There's no getting around it. But you need to be confident that your assessment of the risk (your due diligence) is correct, and that what you're doing is less risky than the return it promises.

How can you be so confident? You just need to have faith, and that's all it comes down to. Unsatisfactory answer? Too bad. The world is a highly uncertain place. You're always going to be working with incomplete data. You can either delude yourself into believing you're right all the time (which will cause its own problems), or you can accept that you might be wrong but you're doing it anyway, because you're confident that you're right.

This took me a long time to type out and I had to do it in sections. I hope it was coherent enough for you to understand.

tl;dr JUST DO IT
 

Brrr

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Hey @The-J that a solid post you put up there, I hope it doesn't go to waste.

Loved the bit about doing just enough effort to be comfortable, that never goes away and you ironically get comfortable with new levels of discomfort. Also loved your bit about risk management and due diligence. Some might just call it experience, but I've definitely noticed these two aspects becoming bigger and bigger parts of the success equation.
 

DMNinja

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I'll offer my own 2 cents on all of this. Even if you feel like you're not in the right mindset (3B's) or even have a goal (MP) PROCEED ANYWAY.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, YOU HAVE A VERY CLEAR PICTURE OF WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO END UP.

Driving is equal parts both where you want to, and don't want to go. So steer clear of those places, and if needed, stumble around and eliminate more potential paths as you go. You're much younger than me and thus, you have more potential by definition.

DON'T WAIT FOR YOUR MINDSET TO BE RIGHT. MOVE AND YOUR MINDSET WILL FOLLOW.

I'd also suggest reading. If you want to read at least one of MJ's books, at least read Unscripted . Other recommended books are "Atomic Habits by James Clear" and "Principles by Ray Dalio"
 

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