I just left my girlfriend of 3 years, for business. Am I a selfish prick?

[eliquid]

When I was younger than you, I would have said yes you were selfish in public.

Deep down inside though, I would have secretly thought to myself you were doing what you should for you. I always thought I was selfish on the inside, so I masked that on the outside.

As I have grown older, I've learned to trust my "inside voice" more and more and lead me to the right choices in life.

Turns out it's not selfishness.

You did the best thing for her and yourself, even though it hurts both of you ( maybe you ).

She needs someone that can meet her needs and demands, and you are just not that person right now.

You need space and time to meet your needs and demands.

I don't like to discipline my kids and see them fail. It hurts me and them at that point in time for right then and there. However, it's what they need and is the best thing for both of us.

I wish I was 20 or 17 doing what I knew I should have done from my inside voice, instead of worrying about what people told me to do and how to act and behave.. afraid of my inside voice that I finally let out much older in life.

You're making the right choices.

How do I know? they're always the ones that are hard and you question yourself over about, again and again.

.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

"Women will make you lose money.

Can't believe I'm reading this here on a forum that likes to practice itself in personal responsibility and accountability for one's choices...

In other words, you think with your balls and not with your head.

Quit playing victim and blaming women for your poor choices.

Women don't MAKE you do anything, you're lack of self-control and critical decision making ability MAKES you do things...

 

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[Duane]

It's your life, do what you want.

 

[SM Switi]

you have already made your decision and now you want someone to tell you something that would encourage you and make you feel better about it, you want someone to tell you that you have made the exact right choice (I was in that position one day) but the fact is no one can for sure tell you that, none of us have lived your life or witnesses your experience, your choice's probability of being wrong for me is the same probability of being right it depends only on you and only you can figure it out, it can be that she's really getting in your way and blocking your potentials and I would call that a toxic relationship, but also it can be that you are using her as an excuse for your inefficiency and after you have gotten rid of this excuse a million more new ones will suddenly pop out into your life

 

[MTF]

I'm sorry, but I need to give some tough love here.

Hey everybody, so, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20)

This is contradictory. Do you want to focus 100% on your business or your 20's?

I call it BS. Nobody ever focuses 100% on their businesses or anything else for that matter, with the exception of geniuses like Elon Musk.

When I was focused on getting my business off the ground, I still had time for my girlfriend, still hanged out with friends, practiced sports, and enjoyed my life. And I still managed to build a high six-figure business.

Don't fall victim to the myth of an overworked entrepreneur. If you don't have time for anything else but your business, it means that you don't know how to organize your time and be productive.

The relationship wasn't bad at all, I loved her (still do), but there were times where I just felt like I wanted my independence. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to hustle 100% and be free to move across country tomorrow if I wanted to, without having to worry about her (being in college).

...

Not to say that I didn't do shit in the relationship, I didn't let myself go, I still had my business goals, worked out, read books... I just felt like I could have done A LOT more if I was alone during those 3 years, she was an excuse for me to procrastinate, and just be comfortable and chill out with her.

You're making excuses. Your girlfriend didn't limit your independence or made you waste time. You need to realize this now while you're still so young. If not, you'll always blame your partner for your own shortcomings.

Maybe she wasn't the right person for you, but don't blame her for your procrastination. If you were on a diet and somebody put a slice of pizza in your hand, would it be their fault that you cheated? Ultimately, it's your decision to eat it or throw it away. Granted, it's better not to have such people around (particularly if they're doing it because they want you to fail), but you are being a dick if you blame them for your own lack of self-discipline.

The person you are with, unless they're literally keeping you chained somewhere in a basement, aren't limiting your independence - particularly if like in your case, it's a person you love who seems to support you. Obviously, this would be different if they were unsupportive and didn't want the best for you but I assume that wasn't the case. @Spicymemer45 gave a good example in this thread. Hundreds of thousands of women would do all kinds of nasty things with Conor, but he understands that nothing will ever match the loyalty and support coming from Dee.

As for moving across the country, it looks like a purely hypothetical situation just to make an excuse. If you wanted to move, there would be time to worry about the impact of this decision on your relationship and possible solutions.

Whenever I visualized moving out of my parents house, I didn't really like the idea of living with her either, I just wanted to be alone and independent and hustling.

You're 20. There's no wonder that you're afraid of commitment. Moving in together is a big commitment, no matter how much you love the other person. It's not about her, it's about you not being ready for it - and there's nothing wrong in it. Anyway, you didn't have to live with her, you could have gotten your own place and invited her from time to time.

Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

This one is the biggest excuse in the entire thread.

You're a male. You will always feel like you're losing out when seeing an attractive girl, no matter how attractive your girlfriend is. Don't fool yourself this feeling will ever disappear (okay, actually it will, probably somewhere around your 70s or 80s). A grown-up male will acknowledge the beauty of the stranger and exert his self-control to realize that the brief, ultimately meaningless satisfaction of his primal urges isn't worth losing his long-term partner.

If you want to be 100% focused on your business, don't fool yourself that you'll be able to do so if you're constantly chasing meaningless sex with strangers. This is much more time-consuming and energy-sapping than being in a relationship.

Decide what you want in life: to build a successful business that will make you free or to let your primal urges enslave you. I don't know about you, but to me the feeling of freedom upon reaching financial independence is worth soooooo much more than having sex with hundreds of women. Personally, if I had to choose, I'd rather be wealthy and asexual than be a broke womanizer whose life is controlled by a stupid boss.

As for the second part about building confidence, etc. - nothing prevents you from doing so in a relationship. Yes, you won't be able to improve your pick-up skills if you want to stay faithful, but it's only one way of building confidence. You can get into sales, learn public speaking, volunteer, join social clubs, and do all kinds of other things to improve your social skills and grow. Then there's also immense personal growth you get from being in a relationship which IMO is much more valuable than the ability to chat up a drunk girl in a nightclub and make her go home with you.

I should be feeling good, but I can't help but feel a little down. There's thoughts in my head that are like, "Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".

I think that the thoughts in your head are right. But it's no use crying over spilled milk. Even if it wasn't an entirely good decision (in the end, only you can judge it), you can learn from it and make better choices in the future.

 

[eliquid]

This really spoke to me man, thank you. It is hard but I feel like this really is the start of big things for me. I've been struggling with this decision for a long time..

I even regretted getting into the relationship so it would have all been easier for me, but I've learned a lot and now I'm grateful to be making this choice.

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk

I wasn't going to share this, but I actually broke off a relationship for the same exact thing.

I was working a full-time job, trying to start my own business on the side, had this girlfriend, debt for school loans and debt on a flashy convertible, etc...

Problem was she lived far away, like an hours drive from me. We saw each other like 2-3 a week maybe because of my job and the drive.

I was starting a business in web design/marketing/running my own web design business and it was stressing me out trying to get it off the ground plus work a job and see her...

One weekend I came up to see her and crashed on her bed and fell asleep. When I woke up she wanted to drive back into town ( where I just came from ) to watch some parade and I made up 20 reasons why not to. It was then I knew I shouldn't be in this relationship because I was holding her back and not doing what I wanted.

It was really hard on me. Same on her. I didn't want to string her along and hurt her more.

.

 

[Red]

As with most things in life, if it's not a "F*ck yeah" then it's a no. If she was the one you saw yourself with forever, you would've found a way to make it work. You didn't, so you ended it.

You did the right thing.

Stop looking at this as "I broke her heart" & more like "I am freeing her up to find what she truly wants -someone who wants to be with her as much as she, them." Sometimes we have to make hard decisions because of the position we put ourselves in. You've done the best thing for her AND yourself. Don't F*ck it up now. Feel the hurt (a relationship has ended, after all), examine why you did what you did (languished in a relationship that wasn't right for you both for so long), move on & make better choices in the future. You got this.


- someone who has done this same exact thing. Repeatedly. Finally figured her shit out & stopped doing it. At 30. *sigh....

 

[G-Man]

As with most things in life, if it's not a "F*ck yeah" then it's a no.

This^^^^

To be fair, I didn't fully understand the concept until I met my wife. Like @Red I was knocking on 30 by the time I did.

If you don't want her more than _____ you don't really want her, and that's ok.

Best thing for everyone involved is to just mercy kill the relationship and move on. I almost straight up married a girl basically because I didn't want to break her heart. Time and age have allowed me to see how totally F*cked that is.

 

[biophase]

I always pay for the 1st and 2nd date. But it would bother me if they never offered to pay for drinks later, the tip or dessert after the 2nd date. This was a few years ago.

But now, I don't care, I pay for every date, the first date could be a $250 meal and I don't give a sh!t. You know why? Because I pick a place that I want to eat at. The price of the meal or date (I've gone to an NBA game on the 1st date) doesn't matter to me because it's something I would have done with or without a date. Just some of the benefits of having FU money.

And another thing, women do make you lose or spend money. It's something you chose to do. Who asked who out?

Now that I'm older, I'm seeing that your mindset and what lens you see things through has a huge bearing on how your life turns out. Many of you need to change it.

 

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[Ninjakid]

You'll move on to focus completely on yourself and your own goals, and she'll move on to find someone else who loves her entirely.

This is probably the best thing for both her and yourself.

 

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[Red]

"Women will make you lose money. Money will not make you lose women".

Your poor decision making will make you lose money -FTFY.

 

[Esoteric Wealth]

Hey everybody, so, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20).

I met this girl when I was 17, I had recently gotten over another break up, was working out, dressed well, and felt on top of the world and confident. She was the hottest girl that was ever interested in me. I almost didn't want to jump into another relationship right away, but of course I felt pressured and made it official.

The relationship wasn't bad at all, I loved her (still do), but there were times where I just felt like I wanted my independence. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to hustle 100% and be free to move across country tomorrow if I wanted to, without having to worry about her (being in college). Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

Not to say that I didn't do shit in the relationship, I didn't let myself go, I still had my business goals, worked out, read books... I just felt like I could have done A LOT more if I was alone during those 3 years, she was an excuse for me to procrastinate, and just be comfortable and chill out with her. Whenever I visualized moving out of my parents house, I didn't really like the idea of living with her either, I just wanted to be alone and independent and hustling.

I've ALWAYS had a hard time breaking up with someone, even when things are going bad, I've had a problem with attaching too hard. I attempted to break up with her maybe after the 2nd year, but I felt hopeless and got back with her.

Then I read The Rational Male, I don't know why, but the author really spoke to me, and after just a few chapters in, I got the courage, and I broke up with her the next day for good. She did not take it well at all.

I should be feeling good, but I can't help but feel a little down. There's thoughts in my head that are like, "Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".

I guess my plans are just to now work on myself and I really have no plans for a relationship for a very, very long time. I'm entering the non-exclusive dating scene now.

My mother obviously doesn't agree with the break up, and thinks I just broke my poor girlfriends heart for no reason.

What do you guys think? Am I a selfish prick for breaking up with her? Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?

 

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[Kak]

Ah yes.. the tried and true advice. Of a sucker.

Tell that to the guys who have girls drooling over them over a walk in the park and a pack of skittles.

First date to a halfway decent restaurant AND pay for it all?? What am I, a saint? I got businesses to build. One of those "first dates" every week and I'm down big time.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

Yep, a sucker with a hot wife that supports everything I do. That understands business. That never questions my intentions.

I’m not surprised there’s a new one every week, every damn one of them thinks you are a complete loser.

Ironically, for all of your hating on feminism, making them pay for a date is feminist.

 

[MidwestLandlord]

Well sure yeah, there's plenty in there that may not apply to you or me or others and goes too far for some individuals. For others that have been the perpetual nice guy, maybe too nice it can be an effective way to start behaving differently with women. Just like with most life philosophy you've got to take it with a grain of salt and apply what works for you.

Agreed.

However,

I hear Red Pill terms in mainstream media occasionally now. Makes me cringe every time. It's certainly gaining traction in society.

"Alpha Male"
"Beta Male"

Bleh.

Here's my thoughts on the Red Pill:

Lot's and lot's of truths in the red pill.

But,

Some men are trading one script, the blue pill, for another...the red pill. You can see that in this thread where there is arguments about paying for dates. Only nice guys (betas) pay for dates, so if you are paying for dates you must be an blue pill schmuck that gets taken advantage of by the gold-diggers...I.E all women. (yes I am being dramatic here)

Afterall, a real "Alpha Male" would never pay for a date...obviously. (sarc)

But jumping from one script to another is missing the point entirely.

The point of moving away from the "blue pill" script IMO is to gain an inner locus of control.

Instead, they just gain the exterior locus of control from another script. You can see that in the ego-invested arguments regarding paying for dates.

Yes, a lot of men are taught to worship women as some sort of heavenly creatures sent from above that can do no wrong, and that finding your "soul-mate" is the one and only goal in life that will ever make you feel whole.

Lord knows that's what I was taught, and so were 9 out of 10 men I know IRL.

And that script DOES NOT WORK.

However, men's tendency to turn the red pill into another script and follow the more extreme mindset and behaviors, like not paying for dates ever, all women are gold-diggers to some degree, women will drop men for someone "better" on a whim, etc, are following something that does not work EITHER.

The red pill for the most part reeks of playing to "not lose"

It's very defensive. It's very outcome dependent.

"I don't pay for dates because she might be taking advantage of me" is playing to "not lose" and very outcome dependent because your actions are being dictated by your perception of her supposed ulterior motives.

Want to pay for dates? Then pay for them.
Don't want to pay for dates? Then don't pay for them.
Want lot's of sexual partners? Then go do that.
Want one special woman in a monogamous relationship? Then go do that.

Women, as a group, are not evil.
Men, as a group, are not evil.

People, as a group, CAN be evil.

People...not just one specific gender.

Love is a real thing...for both genders.
Pair-bonding is a real thing...for both genders.
Sexual desire is a real thing...for both genders.

The point is to quit following a script, any script, and make decisions that bring you happiness and fulfillment without causing harm to others (example: lying to get laid)

Inner locus of control
Self-actualization
Self-awareness
Pursuit of happiness

NOT a script, regardless of the color.

(and that's the conclusion of my rant for today. Stayed tuned! There might be more tomorrow!)

 

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[Spicymemer45]

*Rubs Hands Together*
*Drum Roll*
No.

You are not a selfish prick for doing what is best for you.

You are responsible for your own happiness and relationships, and you recognized that.

If you wanted to have her in your life and still focus entirely on your business and purpose

You could have made it happen, you just needed to communicate that to her. And you still can if that's what YOU want to do, then go for it.

Do not feel bad for being a man, your courage shines like a beacon for other men to see and follow their own paths.

So in the words of Tyler Perry

"You do you Boo-Boo"

​

 

[ThirtyOne]

What do you guys think? Am I a selfish prick for breaking up with her? Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?

Zero chance of us to know the answer to this question. We barely know you. Others have shared some solid wisdom here, particularly @eliquid and @SM Switi .

However,

my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

Though normal, this could become a problem in the future if it ends up being a mindset thing. Bear with me as I get a little philosophical.

We are complicated creatures, both instinctive/animal and self-aware/man.

Years from now, you could be married to the love of your life. You could be at the beach and an attractive girl in barely anything walks by. Your animal side is going to recognize that she's hot. Nothing wrong with that.

However, is she and the potentially huge market of attractive girls out there (millions of em) worth the cost of throwing away what you have built with your spouse? Hell no. < That's man's ability to see above instinct and make wise choices.

 

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[Spicymemer45]

Melissa's comment reminded me of this.

Conor and Dee.

Even if this doesn't explicitly apply to you or this thread, Conor McGregor and Dee Devlin are to me, a stark figure of loyalty and love

Conor was just a teen when they met and she stayed to live with him when they were dirt F*cking poor and living off of a few hundred bucks.

Conor speaks very often of the love he shares for Dee and how she is his biggest supporter and he still puts boxing first.

Conor's just a F*cking man in general, smooth talker and all, a very masculine figure.

I personally would feel at the most deep and profound levels of my heart, immense joy and almost nostalgia if during the peak of one the hardest hurdles in my life (And deciding to move forward) a woman like Dee stood by my side and kissed and spoke to me like that.

Another example

Cinderella Man is a movie that is set in place during the Great Depression after WWI and Russel Crowe plays the famed boxer James J Braddock and the movie has a predictable buildup and it all comes down to Braddock fighting the champ.

The wife of James J Braddock (Mae) spoke to him,in this clip James is about to go out and fight the champ (A Champ who had accidentally killed men in the ring)

Enough of my rambling, just enjoy this beautiful clip.

I don't know about you, but if my girlfriend/wife spoke words like this to me, I'd know that I am a man who's on his own path and truly owning his desires and mission, and I would cherish her for such love and blessing.

So maybe this breakup is the sign of you nearing the mountaintop @Richard Espinosa

Hopefully one day you'll find a cheerleader like that!

Cheers- G​

 

[Kak]

I also agree but only up to a certain point. Admittedly, having a 9 month old daughter and seeing phrases like “men need to rise up” or “men are under attack” gets me fired up more than it would have in the past. Men will always be under attack, it doesn’t mean they need to fight back, it means I need to raise my son to be a good person with common sense and not a moron who thinks he’s superior.

Forgive my politics for the moment, but yes, it’s absurd how our media and certain politicians try to portray men as guilty until innocent. BK’s reactions in his opening statements were that of common sense regarding his record as a judge, father and husband, not as a man fighting back against women.

Another example that my fellow WSJ readers would know about is that California is trying to MANDATE a female board member at companies. These are extremely dangerous precencents being set. What I was alluding to above, albeit rather over the top, was that it is adherently just as bad to make statements leading in the other direction like males are on a path to losing alpha status on this earth. That is something I don’t see happening.

(If we ever get together for a round of golf we can chat further on this, I’m sure we’ll have a good laugh)

Admittedly, I looked at his comments FAR more figuratively than literally. His language was sharp, but in a figurative sense I agree.

The left pinning men against women. One race against another. The rich and the poor. It's all reprehensible and those that don't recognize it as a political tool of mass manipulation are fools.

Wedge driving and affirmative action of any kind is by definition unequal. If women want board seats, they should earn them.

Looking forward to that golf round.

 

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[Esoteric Wealth]

you have already made your decision and now you want someone to tell you something that would encourage you and make you feel better about it, you want someone to tell you that you have made the exact right choice (I was in that position one day) but the fact is no one can for sure tell you that, none of us have lived your life or witnesses your experience, your choice's probability of being wrong for me is the same probability of being right it depends only on you and only you can figure it out, it can be that she's really getting in your way and blocking your potentials and I would call that a toxic relationship, but also it can be that you are using her as an excuse for your inefficiency and after you have gotten rid of this excuse a million more new ones will suddenly pop out into your life

Damn dude, you're so right. I think ultimately, my gut tells me I would have regrets years down the line. This is my choice and I'm just gonna roll with it.

 

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[The-J]

I met this girl when I was 17

There's your answer. I don't mean to be a dick, but like... it really doesn't matter lmao

If you didn't see yourself marrying her AND you think you should look for women who are more compatible with your lifestyle, then you did nothing wrong. Sure, you hurt her feelings and she'll probably remember you as a dick for life, but that's the way it goes with relationships.

You're 20. Go live your life.

Granted, I did the opposite of what you did and don't regret it, but everyone's life is different.

 

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[Lex DeVille]

You chose one of two selfish options. Yes. You are selfish.
(as are all humans)

Are you a prick? That has yet to be determined.
So far it doesn't seem like it.

 

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[Kak]

Right? They belong back in the kitchen, unable to vote, drive cars or think for themselves. WTF is wrong with you? Are you actually in Florida or are you in the Middle East or somehow stuck in the 1920’s? Former me would’ve simply ignored you and this thread but this is absurdity. There is no “slaughter” against men unless you’re an idiot who can’t keep his hands to himself or his di*k in his pants.

There is a lot of middle ground between the grotesque, destroyer of women, that feminism is today and your quote above.

I'm inclined to agree with @Richard Espinosa that the feminist indoctrination of young men is pretty sickening.

What the hell us wrong with a woman that cooks?

 

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[Longinus]

Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

This may say something about your uncertainty.

A good partner will boost your confidence and make you forget about the other girls around.

 

[biophase]

What do we need to change?

Your view that going on a date is a burden to you. You going into it thinking of coffee in case it goes bad, you don't have to stick around for 2 hours and you get away with paying only $10.

Instead, why don't you go into it thinking that you wanted to get coffee anyway and instead of sitting alone you get to meet and talk to someone new?

Just be excited to meet someone new and figure out what they know. I've known in the first minute whether or not I'm attract to a girl or not, but that doesn't mean I cut a date short and leave. And yes, I've had some bad dates... where the girl would talk about stuff I didn't care about, like designer purses and shoes, or staying in 5 star hotels. But instead of being annoyed, I'd try to understand why that stuff was important to her, see where she's coming from.

 

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[Esoteric Wealth]

@Red @G-Man @SinisterLex @Longinus @Satvik Gupta @luniac @The-J @GMSI7D

I really, really appreciate all your responses. I do feel like I've made the right choice. Yesterday I was kind of freaking out towards the end of the day, after work, felt alone. Today I feel calmer.

I'm confident it only gets better from here.

 

[G-Man]

@Andy Black I don't know the exchange rate between rep dollars and Euros, but I'll gladly pay you in rep dollars for a shiny ban hammer.

 

[MTEE1985]

There is a lot of middle ground between the grotesque destroyer of women that feminism is today and your quote above.

I'm inclined to agree with @Richard Espinosa that the feminist indoctrination of young men is pretty sickening.

What the hell us wrong with a woman that cooks?

I also agree but only up to a certain point. Admittedly, having a 9 month old daughter and seeing phrases like “men need to rise up” or “men are under attack” gets me fired up more than it would have in the past. Men will always be under attack, it doesn’t mean they need to fight back, it means I need to raise my son to be a good person with common sense and not a moron who thinks he’s superior.

Forgive my politics for the moment, but yes, it’s absurd how our media and certain politicians try to portray men as guilty until innocent. BK’s reactions in his opening statements were that of common sense regarding his record as a judge, father and husband, not as a man fighting back against women.

Another example that my fellow WSJ readers would know about is that California is trying to MANDATE a female board member at companies. These are extremely dangerous precencents being set. What I was alluding to above, albeit rather over the top, was that it is adherently just as bad to make statements leading in the other direction like males are on a path to losing alpha status on this earth. That is something I don’t see happening.

(If we ever get together for a round of golf we can chat further on this, I’m sure we’ll have a good laugh)

 

[ChrisV]

There is a lot of middle ground between the grotesque, destroyer of women, that feminism is today and your quote above.

I'm inclined to agree with @Richard Espinosa that the feminist indoctrination of young men is pretty sickening.

What the hell us wrong with a woman that cooks?

Agreed.

Here’s how I see it. If a woman wants to be ‘feminine,’ she can be feminine. If a man wants to be masculine, he can be masculine. If a woman want’s to pursue a career traditionally seen as masculine, go for it. We have plenty of women entrepreneurs (a position traditionally seen as masculine) on this forum. And if a man wants to be a nurse, then live and let live. But don’t knock those who want to play into their traditional gender stereotypes.

The shit gets out of control. I had an ex girlfriend who really wanted to study sociology. She loved sociology. But she ripped her hair out daily studying engineering instead. Why? Because some feminist professor drilled in her head that she shouldn’t go for positions like sociology because it just furthered the notion that women have certain places in society and she should go after the ‘higher quality position.’ The irony is, who are you to define traditionally feminine positions as ‘lower quality’... sounds to me like you’re the sexist. “Teacher” is an amazing position for someone who wants to be a teacher. “Mom” is an amazing position for someone who wants to be one.

I feel like that’s part of the unscripting thing. It’s not “X is better than Y” it’s “build a life that YOU want."

 

[Kak]

All I gotta say is.. if you're spending money on a woman you've never met before, you're doing it wrong.

My dates are usually free to minimal cost. And if there's money involved, they pay for their side. Nothing shameful about it.

Lol! Good luck with that.

My fellow men, for the love of God, pay for dinner at a halfway decent place if you are on a first date. Pull her chair out for her, open doors for her, walk her to her car.

There is a difference between paying for a dinner, and peacocking with a Lamborghini. For crying out loud.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

When I was younger than you, I would have said yes you were selfish in public.

Deep down inside though, I would have secretly thought to myself you were doing what you should for you. I always thought I was selfish on the inside, so I masked that on the outside.

As I have grown older, I've learned to trust my "inside voice" more and more and lead me to the right choices in life.

Turns out it's not selfishness.

You did the best thing for her and yourself, even though it hurts both of you ( maybe you ).

She needs someone that can meet her needs and demands, and you are just not that person right now.

You need space and time to meet your needs and demands.

I don't like to discipline my kids and see them fail. It hurts me and them at that point in time for right then and there. However, it's what they need and is the best thing for both of us.

I wish I was 20 or 17 doing what I knew I should have done from my inside voice, instead of worrying about what people told me to do and how to act and behave.. afraid of my inside voice that I finally let out much older in life.

You're making the right choices.

How do I know? they're always the ones that are hard and you question yourself over about, again and again.

.

+Rep. Amazing post.