I found the perfect mentor. How should I go about hitting him up?

[MJ DeMarco]

I don't think you know me well enough to form that conclusion.

You are absolutely correct.

However in my experience, most young people looking for "mentorship" aren't looking for legitimate mentorship where they will do WHATEVER it takes -- they're looking for someone to do the work and take the risk.

Do the hard work and show the world you are valuable and you won't have an issue finding mentors.

From my POV, you don't want to do "that work" -- you want to do "other work" pertaining to attracting a mentor with absolutely nothing to show of attractiveness other than a personal belief that you are special and different than the other hundreds kids who want attention from this same guy ...

And here's the other thing you still haven't figured out -- you are already being mentored here in this thread but you don't like the advice ... so you will continue searching until someone gives you the answers you like, versus getting the answers you need.

Good luck my friend.

 

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[AgainstAllOdds]

I wonder if MJ would appreciate you guys acting like a**holes on his forum, and bashing another member for TRYING.

A lot of people hear that getting a mentor is the easiest way to becoming rich. And it is in a way, but you're following the wrong formula. The formula you're following is:

1. Get a mentor
2. Get rich.

The real formula is:

1. Start doing stuff.
2. Find someone that has expertise in doing that stuff, likes you, and has a reason to help you out.
3. Get better at doing that stuff.
4. Meanwhile offer value along the way to the mentor.
5. Increase your chance of success, and maybe get rich.

You pretend that you're "TRYING", but really you're not. You're looking for the easy way out. You're looking to send a single letter that will change your life forever. You're not taking any control over your own life, but hoping that some random guy with lots of nice cars will. That's why this forum is apprehensive to your approach.

Think of it from your potential mentor's perspective:

He gets a handwritten letter in the mail. Opens it. Start reading. The letter says: "Hey, I noticed that you have a lot of pictures of nice cars on your instagram, and I want to get rich because I'm important. So I found your address on whitepages and wrote you this letter. I haven't started a business or ever tried, but know that if you're my mentor, I'll make it worth your while."

Then why would that guy mentor you? Personally I'd throw your letter in the trash and up my security system.

@jon.a and @SinisterLex give value. They think in terms of value. You displayed zero potential value to your prospective mentor, and only displayed a personal want. You made it about YOU, and not about HIM. They gave you criticism because of that, and then because it hurt your ego, you overreacted.

Send the letter if you want, but it won't work. You need to work on yourself, how you approach others, and the value that you can bring others before they even want to help you out.

 

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[Fox]

The best way to get a mentor is to already be in action in an area they have an interest in.

Last week I had a Reddit thread that went a little viral and I got a few hundred messages in the space of a week.

The only people I was interested in talking to were those already taking action. One person wrote me a massive letter about he was now committed to doing X, Y and Z and wanted to know where to start. Since that question is easily answered by a quick google (and my original thread) he didn't get much of a response.

Another guy just wrote a quick comment (not even to me) on my Facebook group about how he is nearing closing a deal using my info and wanted general advice from anyone about pricing. I messaged him and jumped on a skype call for 30 minutes. I have since helped him a lot and I think this week he is going to close a huge contract.

Why? I love talking to people who are doing and not planning. Everyone needs people to feed off and I think most people like to give back. The best people to help are those who are people already in action. Someone hitting to third base that you can help hit a home run.

From this thread it sounds to me like you are not in action. To get on this guys radar you need to be out there doing. Sinister Lex and Andy Black were two big heros of mine when I joined the forum, now I chat with them all the time (nearly too much ha). This happened cause I took action and I guess they wanted to surround themselves with people that will also motivate and push them. You see this with Andy all the time.

In short don't write a letter - go take some action. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

 

[SteveO]

By the way. Your conclusion that he would be a perfect mentor says a lot about how you view the business world.

Assumptions are being made.

The best mentor for you will be someone that can teach. They may not be a millionaire.

Not saying that this person would not be a good one. You make some leaps to come to that conclusion though.

 

[biophase]

I'd like to chime in here...

12 years ago I moved to Arizona and SteveO was a very respected and experienced member of another forum and I was a nobody on there. I sent him a PM and asked if we could meet. I was looking for a mentor at that time, and my thought was that maybe I could manage one of his apartment complexes. I wish I still had that PM or email. I don't remember what it said, but it probably did not say, will you mentor me and teach me how to buy apartment buildings? SteveO said yes and we met at one of his apartment complexes.

I have received a letter in my mail to my home from someone on this forum in past. My friends found it creepy. Especially since he did not include his forum name. So basically to me it was a random guy sending me a letter saying thanks for all my posts. I found it flattering, but was not compelled to write back or call. I mean there was no reason for me to. Do you normally respond to thank you letters? To this day, I don't know who it was.

Lastly, being that I am in the process of choosing 10 clients for my ecommerce program right now, I can tell you that actions have consequences. You can't just make bad posts or be a dick on the forum and then expect me to magically choose you over 10 other "normal" people. Maybe this would be obvious but I do read the past posts of my applicants. I want to see who I'm dealing with.

If I am already ignoring you on the forum, chances are 100% that you won't be picked. And, yes that has happened. You have already done something in the past that made me hit the ignore button. There's no chance I would want to mentor you and talk to you for 6 months no matter what you are willing to pay. I only ignore 6-8 people on here BTW.

If your past posts are just argumentative or come off as trolling, I'm probably not going to get along with you. If your past posts have no value at all and are just comments, bumps or feel like post count raising, that raises a bunch of red flags to me.

Remember, the person mentoring you probably has alot of things to do, many friends to hang with and doesn't need new friends. If you are going to get into his circle, he has to like you and get along with you. As someone on the mentor side, I have to think, do I want to talk to this guy for months or years? Why do I want to become friends with this person? I don't necessary think about value for me. Because value for me could just be a friend or a cool guy to hang with. But you have to be that cool guy first, and not the creep dude, or the dude that just wants something.

 

[Nicoknowsbest]

Some people might have a wrong understanding of what a mentor is.

Let me use a metaphor: sailing.

You are a simple fisherman who lives at the sea.

To get better fish, you want to sail from the crowded, noisy coast to a beautiful, untouched island.

The waters around this island house the biggest and tastiest fish.

You don't have a boat, it's too far to swim, and there are not boats for rent.

Nobody will allow you on their boat.

So how do you make it to this magic place?

You build your own boat.

You go and buy strong, durable wood. The best you can get for your budget.

You go and buy the biggest canvas you find.

Day in, day out, you work on your boat.

Once you are ready, you launch it.

You don't wait for the perfect wind - who knows when it will come?

You use the wind that is blowing right now. It is enough to leave the harbor and start on your journey.

While sailing, you meet the owner of a beautiful sailing ship, trying to catch some fish for lunch.

It's one of the first times he is trying to fish.

You sit down with him and show him how to catch his lunch.

The moment you want to continue your journey, he tells you to change your course and tighten your sail.

He sends you to an area with the best winds that will get you to your desired island much faster.

And this is what a mentor is.

A mentor is someone who helps you make course corrections when already sailing.

But for this, you need to leave the harbor.

To leave the harbor, you need a boat.

You are trying to sail without a sail, without a boat.

You can have the strongest winds, but won't go anywhere.

Build your boat first.

And don't scare away the people who want to help you with that.

 

[Ravens_Shadow]

I have a story that follows this idea of a "perfect mentor". There was a guy locally in my old hometown that owned over 5,000 mobile homes. Guy was raking in millions a month. My dad knew him personally, as we ran all the internet cables and networking stuff in his new building he purchased. For years and years we ran cables at this guys various business and we were the first person to call when a computer was infected etc, so we were trusted with the backend of his business. I was always around and admired how simple the guy was, Looking at him, you couldn't tell that he was worth millions. I decided one day after reading TMF that i'd give him a call and see if he would mentor me.

I called and he answered, I basically said "I'm X Guys son, and we help manage your internet and servers, I'd like to ask you questions about how you became so successful in life, and i'd like to buy you lunch." And he simply burst out laughing and said "No one has ever called to ask me what made me successful, and I certainly don't do "lunch" with anyone... come on down to my office on friday." At this point I was pretty scared that I might've messed up.

Friday came and I walked into his office and sat down. He told me about how he just acquired one property at a time and kicked people out when they didn't pay so the next could come in. He told me how he'd built something so large he wouldn't even know how to get out of it if he wanted to. He also told me the names of people and companies of other local guys who might be willing to teach me a thing or two. Some were owners of gas companies, and some were owners of other super mega corporations. He offered to introduce me.

But the only real advice he had to me directly was to not make money the major priority, to provide something to people first, and then he told me he wished me luck on my en-devours and to get out of his office and make something of myself, because if i keep doing what I'm doing now, i'll be successful.


My point with this story is I thought he was THE PERFECT MENTOR, but he wasn't. He didn't want a kid who was 18 at the time to pester him daily. He just wanted to sit in a boat and fish all day with his grand kids as he told me.

But he did teach me about going for what I want. He taught me how to be resourceful when times are slim, and taught me to stand up for what I want in life. If I want it, I have to go get it. He opened so many doors for me. Due to him, I moved across the country and sought after other mentors who also changed my life for the better.

There is no perfect mentor out there, just the one that's best for you at this current time. These mentors are just people, and if you go in thinking they're perfect, you're bound to be disappointed.

Edit: The other thing to note, was that in the things he was telling me, were opportunities that I never pursued.

 

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[Andy Black]

What's the first thing you should do when you realise you're digging a hole?

Stop digging.



What would happen if we always started a reply with "Thank you for ..." and work out what to be thankful for - *and* expressed it.



I've had people make comments I didn't agree with or didn't like. I get *extra* polite in those circumstances. "Thanks for taking the time to reply. I didn't think of it that way. That's helpful to know. Thanks."



Learning to "give thanks" is hard but it's well worth it.



I too have mentored people in this forum. I've also worked with clients and contractors from the forum. I too will look back at their recent posts.

It's amazing the insight you can get into someone's personality and values purely from the first sentence in each of their posts. Check out the first sentences of posts by @BaraQueenbee, @Nicoknowsbest, @BellaPippin, @ChickenHawk.

Compare the first sentences with people who've got themselves banned.

There's a pattern if you care to look.



Heck, check out my own posts. How do I start them? How do I finish them? There's a reason why the guys invited me to share the headaches of being a mod (I jest) - and it ain't cos of my technical skills at AdWords.



Want to be successful in business? Realise then that business is about building *relationships*.

Want more profits? Get Repeat Business and Referrals.

Want Repeat Business and Referrals? Add value and build RELATIONSHIPS.



As I mention in the post linked to below, "it's just a forum".

Why not choose to be the person you aspire to be?

Why not start now?



The post:

• www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/its-just-a-forum.70152

 

[SteveO]

You made some initial requests and some of us began a good ol' fashion bashing. It really was not intended to be so but it turned out that way.

I wish you luck moving forward and hope that you end up with good relations.

Buried in all of our input were snippets intended to help. There was a lot of information passed along that could be an aid for you. It began to turn ugly as it felt that there was chum in the water.

I hope that you can look back at the intent of the help.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Well let's see...

Hey @MJ DeMarco what do you say?

OP comes across as someone who is willing to work hard to find a shortcut... but is not willing to work hard.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

This story reminds me years ago when I started with NOTHING.

Had I approached a VC or an investor for some cash, I wouldn't be given the time of day. Nope, I'd be put on IGNORE and for good reason.

After I built something that provided value and had potential, the VCs / investors started calling me.

 

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[Andy Black]

Do something to help him or his business, without asking for his permission beforehand and without him knowing?


I help businesses generate more sales. It means I deal with business owners all day long. What a great way to "network" and be "mentored" by successful business owners.

One time I was waiting to meet a prospective new client about their (lack of) AdWords campaigns. While I waited I created an ad and got them to perform a Google search. They were quite impressed as you can imagine.



"Show don't tell."

I can help you.

vs

It was me who did that.



Say I wanted to meet Gary Vaynerchuk. Maybe I could create stunningly good ad campaigns for all the wines in his family business and give the campaigns to him? Do you think he might be interested in something that could grow his business? Do you think he might then be interested in talking to whoever just moved the needle in his business?



You're thinking about what he can do for you, instead of what you can do for him.

You're wracking your brains to come up with ways to meet him, when you should be wracking your brains to come up with ways to help him.


@Nicoknowsbest sent me a PM telling me my video and audio was out of sync in one of my videos. He offered to help fix them as he'd spent time editing videos in a marketing agency.

How do you think that approach went down?




Work out what will help him.

If you can, just do it.

Think of this as an exercise of getting *him* to contact *you*.




Also... re-read @jon.a 's replies. You may be better served finding peers or people a few steps ahead of you in this forum.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I remember how yesterday I had two one-hour calls with multi-millionaires who paid me to understand how they run their business and to help them figure out how to improve and grow. Funny thing is, I didn't write either a letter. I also didn't call them a**holes.

Mostly I just listened and took notes.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

How to read a book by Mortimer Adler

In this book he talks about how you will not learn from what you are reading, if you are not willing to open yourself up to the information. Of course critical reading skills are important, don't believe everything you read.

However, if you close your mind, if you put up mental walls and refuse to humble yourself and learn...how will you get anywhere? All you do then is run around confirming your own confirmation bias. We see this all the time with those in the slowlane and sidewalk. I'm guilty of it myself. (more than I care to admit. It's by far my biggest mindset issue)

Learning is a humbling experience. It can be very uncomfortable.

In a thread the other day, I gave advice. @Utopia corrected me, and he didn't beat around the bush about it.

I saw red for about half a second. But you know what? He was RIGHT, his way was BETTER, and I LEARNED from him. Now I will take that advice and use it to better care for my customers while protecting my own interests. (his prior posts proved to me he gives lots of value here, and I'm thankful he gave me that advice)

All I had to do was humble myself and take the advice to heart. That's not easy. Not easy at all. But it is necessary.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

But one thing that caught my eye in your post which I want to address is, *I* have already done something in the past to make you hit the ignore button? That's pretty surprising. Especially considering I've been almost non-existent on this forum aside from the last day or two. I also think it's pretty narcissistic of you to just assume that I would even WANT to be apart of your ecommerce class.

Geez, he's not alluding you want in his eCom class ... he's alluding that your body of posts are being evaluated.

And the 1-percenters here (the folks who are in your mentor-target) are trying to tell you nicely that you are coming across as self-entitled and not willing to listen.

Thread marked NOTABLE.

 

[SteveO]

Unless maybe I run into him at one of the car meets he always takes part in.

The answer is right under your nose...

 

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[SteveO]

I don't remember what it said, but it probably did not say, will you mentor me and teach me how to buy apartment buildings? SteveO said yes and we met at one of his apartment complexes.

I remember that meeting. I also remember offering you, a person that I had just met for the first time, the highest level position in my company. You did not even have experience in the field. But, there was something about you...

You did not accept it.

 

[jon.a]

Maybe he doesn't, at all. To be completely honest, I'm well aware that that's the most plausible outcome. But also, what if he does? You need to look at it as a risk/reward ratio. Worst case scenario, I lost a very small amount of time writing a letter. Best case scenario, he responds, and takes an interest in it. Now I have a mentor that's probably accomplished more in his life than any of the people of this forum could hope. I read this article one time, although I can't recall it now which sucks, because it would make you guys more understanding. It was a guy telling a story about how he met his first mentor. It was something about a very successful local businessman that I think owned a newspaper company or something like that. He wrote a *letter*. Got a response. The guy actually agreed to mentor him. The guy said something about he was getting old and had actually been waiting for someone to come around who he could teach, or something like that. I really don't remember but the point is, it worked. It could also come down to the fact of just giving back to his community. We are from/grew up in the same town. He was in the exact same spot I was when he was my age, and maybe he'll actually appreciate that the neighborhood kids are interested in learning about all he's accomplished. But either way, I know what I'm going to do now, so I don't need you or Lex's negativity.

THE RISK/REWARD RATIO IS GREAT.

In the mean time at least one member here had a good phone call with another this afternoon and got some actionable advice that he can put into his business tomorrow.

 

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[RHL]

Maybe he doesn't, at all. To be completely honest, I'm well aware that that's the most plausible outcome.

Then don't proceed until there's a more plausible outcome. All the ready-fire-aim stuff got people too hyped up. You go before everything is perfect, but you don't rush in with no game plan and no strategy. That's how you lose golden opportunities, money, and time. The first person I met like your mentor, I looked at his business for a while, really studied it and figured out where things were coming in and going out. I found an area that he didn't seem to be very good at. Probably, he didn't see the profit potential or wasn't savvy enough to exploit that aspect.

It worked, we met and spent six hours talking about things within 5 days of placing the call, and all I did was sort of fumblingly explained to him what I could do. 3 minute cold call, and done.

If you can't think of anything he needs from you yet, you need to stop thinking about how to get info and time from this guy, and start thinking about how to give him something. And something that matters, not something trite or replaceable. Shouldn't be hard.

 

[Waspy]

Let the forum be your mentor. A successful business person will lead you with the knowledge that he has.

This forum is leading you with the collective knowledge of 1000s of successful business people.

I've only been here a week, and I literally can't think of a business situation that couldn't be solved or improved by the input from members of this forum.

 

[Andy Black]

I remember how yesterday I had two one-hour calls with multi-millionaires who paid me to understand how they run their business and to help them figure out how to improve and grow.

This is why I love providing a B2B service. I mentioned it earlier in this thread, but I think it sank without a trace.

I LOVE getting paid to learn from, and to network with successful business owners.

Mostly I just listened and took notes.

Yeah, yeah. We know that about you.

Mostly I do all the talking. And y'all know that about me too.

(AndyTalks with @SinisterLex about Selling & Scaling)

 

[MakeItHappen]

I think the way you contact him isn't nearly as important as what your message will be.

and what I would be willing to offer him in return (I don't have a whole lot)

I think that's a problem. Your chances of success will be 100x higher if you could offer him something specific of value.
Finding something that would be of real value to him should be your priority and not what's the best way to make first contact.

Also I wouldn't tell him, that I want him to be my mentor right from the beginning. You also wouldn't ask a girl to marry you before the first date would you?

Good luck!

 

[Fox]

My 10 second plan...

- Get a decent camera and do a quick course on taking cool photos
- Do another course on photo editing as it relates to cars
- Go to car show and take pics of everyones cars
- Create FB group for the pics where people can join and you can communicate with them
- Most likely this will be 50-200 business owners (if it is a high end car show)
- Slowly blend in personal content and business on the car page but in very small amounts
- Build a relationship with these people slowly over time that is more then just about cars. Have your FB group the place where these guys connect with other business owners.

If he is into cars and has a huge social media following then you can add value by supplying cools pics that he can use on his platforms. That could easily turn into taking some pics of more cars at his house and an actual connection.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Yeah...perfect mentors are a fairy tale like the tooth fairy, santa claus, the perfect woman, and getting wealthy off your 401(k).

You forgot the secret millionaire hotline -- you know, that secret toll-free hotline you have exclusive access to if you just buy our "get rich" program for 3 easy payments of $99.95.

There are thousands of millionaires who have nothing better to do other than sit in a call-center all day fielding calls from informericial "get rich quick" buyers!

 

[jon.a]

Yeah but look at all his friends. Even if he is unwilling, possibly he knows someone that would be.

One of my favorite books is "The Richest Man in Babylon" - The poor man watches the rich man come strolling through town with all his luxuries. They grew up in the same town and went to the same school, but the poor man doesn't have all those luxuries. He basically asks what does the rich man know that the poor man doesn't? The rich man shows the poor man a thing or two and eventually the once or poor man makes something of himself too. In this case I'm the poor man and RB is the rich man.

It's a least worth a shot, isn't it? "Take the chance, or lose the opportunity."

There are many, by normal people standards, successful people here already trying to help others.

 

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[Fox]

Definitely a Gold Thread.

OP has probably gotten a few $$$$ worth of free advice from several millionaires and highly successful entrepreneurs on this thread.

He probably won't take it but I think many others will.

 

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[Jon L]

I read through this entire thread and realized that I have the opposite problem. There's a client of mine that is one of those mentor's mentors. He wants to take me to lunch, and I'm a bit freaked out by the idea. So...how did I get myself into this 'predicament?'

1) He found me from a google ad I placed a while back. I did a $750 project for him. I did it well, and supported him with a variety of small things
2) I met him for breakfast one time and sold him on a $5000 project, and have continued to support him on various small computer issues since then.
3) During the process, we talked about a variety of things
4) I have a project that needs an investor and asked him if he knew anyone. He's interested.

There's more to it, but I don't want to write it out on a public forum. But, the essentials of everyone's feedback in this thread are there:
1) We had a reason to come together - I provided value to him.
2) We've maintained a friendly working relationship over the several years that I've known him.
3) I've not asked many questions or for much advice. I've kept my focus on providing him value. I've gleaned a few key nuggets from him over the course of time.
4) The one time I asked for something, it was for something I knew he'd be interested in.

 

[SteveO]

create great businesses and the mentor, the investor etc will come to YOU.

Or....... you may find you don't need one...

 

[Lex DeVille]

It's a least worth a shot, isn't it? "Take the chance, or lose the opportunity."

Just do it already. Your chance is slipping by. Tick tock.

Could have met him 10 times in the time spent in this thread.

Do something. Report back with what you did. Whatever results you get, someone will learn from it.

 

[Lex DeVille]

Maybe he doesn't, at all. To be completely honest, I'm well aware that that's the most plausible outcome. But also, what if he does? You need to look at it as a risk/reward ratio. Worst case scenario, I lost a very small amount of time writing a letter. Best case scenario, he responds, and takes an interest in it. Now I have a mentor that's probably accomplished more in his life than any of the people of this forum currently. I read this article one time, although I can't recall it now because it would make you guys more understanding. It was a guy telling a story about how he met his first mentor. It was a very successful local businessman that I think owned a newspaper company or something like that. He wrote a *letter*. Got a response. The guy actually agreed to mentor him. The guy said something about he was getting old and had actually been waiting for someone to come around who he could teach, or something like that. I really don't remember but the point is, it worked. It could also come down to the fact of just giving back to his community. We are from/grew up in the same town. He was in the exact same spot I was when he was my age, and maybe he'll actually appreciate that the neighborhood kids are interested in learning about all he's accomplished. But either way, I know what I'm going to do now, so I don't need you or Lex's negativity.

Lol. Good luck.

Maybe he'll hand you a million bucks after he reads your letter and realizes you're the one he's been waiting for all his life.

Let us know how that goes for you.