The Entrepreneur Forum | Financial Freedom | Starting a Business | Motivation | Money | Success

Welcome to the only entrepreneur forum dedicated to building life-changing wealth.

Build a Fastlane business. Earn real financial freedom. Join free.

Join over 80,000 entrepreneurs who have rejected the paradigm of mediocrity and said "NO!" to underpaid jobs, ascetic frugality, and suffocating savings rituals— learn how to build a Fastlane business that pays both freedom and lifestyle affluence.

Free registration at the forum removes this block.

How to Strike Up Conversation with People

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

UncleIroh

1079252849 kph
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
184%
Oct 20, 2016
116
214
27
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Hey!

I need to improve a lot in being able to speak to strangers outside of an activity. I feel that I am missing out opportunities to meet new people because of this.

I tried using the search function and I couldn't find any thread related to this

For example, I hit the gym six days a week but I could not meet any people there. I just go, smash the weights and mind my business. I feel there are quite a few interesting people there. I just find it too hard to start a conversation with a stranger if I am not doing a common group activity.

Or anything that is not a group activity

Any thoughts? How do you overcome this? Did you experience something like this before?
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

UncleIroh

1079252849 kph
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
184%
Oct 20, 2016
116
214
27
Buenos Aires, Argentina
I have read the book. I know everything about how to deal with people. But I just can't start the conversation.

Another good book related to Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is Les Giblin's How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with Poeple

If there is a reason for it I dont have trouble. For example selling something in person. I can do it normally. But outside business, or outside common ground. I just find it hard to break the ice.
 

Demigod

New Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
50%
Oct 5, 2016
12
6
33
I have read the book. I know everything about how to deal with people. But I just can't start the conversation.

Another good book related to Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is Les Giblin's How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with Poeple

If there is a reason for it I dont have trouble. For example selling something in person. I can do it normally. But outside business, or outside common ground. I just find it hard to break the ice.


Www.Girlschase.Com
The best resource for the social arts which also has a forum.

Skip to articles about how to talk to anybody and you should find the material you need.

As someone who was in your shoes, i can't say it would be an easy path for you to become comfortable and second nature talking to strangers. But after you cross the hump, it really is refreshing for others that you are more than just someone who "minds his business".

My next target is to bring that skill to my social media tools... It's excellent for digital marketing. You have to know this skill and I'm learning also.
 

lewj24

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
369%
May 12, 2016
432
1,593
28
St. Louis, MO
Is this a confidence issue? If you lack confidence you need to figure out why. Then you need to improve on the things that are making you lack confidence. Then convince yourself you're the most confident man alive and fake it till you make it.

Or

Go out with a friend. Give him $100. And tell him that you have to talk to whoever he tells you to. No matter how awkward or shitty the conversations are if you go up to everyone he points out you get your money back. If you chicken out you lose $100. I bet after one day you will find it way easier to approach strangers.

Especially if you have already read books on this then it sounds like you just have to force yourself to actually do it. Practice makes perfect.
 

Thiago Machado

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
324%
May 20, 2014
357
1,158
30
I think it all comes down to confidence.
Body language.

Just be genuinely interested in people and ask open-ended questions.

check this out:


 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.
Last edited:
G

Guest34764

Guest
I have read the book. I know everything about how to deal with people. But I just can't start the conversation.

No, you don't know how to deal with people or at least fully.

You're not going up to people because you can't fully deal with them, there's an issue that's stopping you from striking up a conversation.

Not trying to toot my own horn here but I've read the book and it's done wonders for me with conversations, really It's simply walking up to the person and saying "Hi".

You can speak "Hi" but something is stopping you from saying it and it isn't your mouth.

As others pointed out, perhaps a confidence issue.

@lewj24 gave you a solid plan of action try doing what he said about the 100$ scenario.
 

corius

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
234%
Nov 16, 2016
32
75
39
Nebraska
For me it was all about my comfort zone. I have always been comfortable with only 1 or 2 people to talk to.

Then I started to look at starting my own business and I had to step out of my comfort zone. Now that I'm moving towards my goal I'm starting to realize that when you move out of that zone is when you improve.

What might be the easiest is to start at the gym where you already have shared experiences. Maybe help someone that isn't as advanced at working out as you are
 

lewj24

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
369%
May 12, 2016
432
1,593
28
St. Louis, MO
Oh shit you want some easy advice. I didn't really think about the gym.

All you gotta do is go in there and go for a new 1 rep max. Find someone and say, "Hey can you spot me real quick? I'm trying a 1 rep PR."

100% of people will agree.

They spot your lift, you say thanks, they say no problem, you say, "I never caught your name." They introduce themselves, you introduce yourself.

BOOM! Ice broken.

Now you can either keep talking or leave and when you see him another day say, "Whaddup (insert name here)? We never really got to talk. Are you in school? Where do you work? Whats your routine? You take supplements? You bulking? (insert a million different questions here)????"

If you hit it off, cool. If not. Find a new spotter
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Determined2012

Silver Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
108%
Jun 22, 2012
775
837
Chicago, IL
I will literally just start talking to people. Anyone...

I will ask a question...A simple one, and usually from there a conversation will start.

I did the same thing you want to do. A new Whole Foods opened 2 mins from my house and I wanted to meet new people... 2 new peeps per day.

I decided to have lunch and work from
there one hour a day, every day. I literally would strike a conversation by telling the people sitting and eating around me that I wanted to meet 2 new people today. Hasn't failed yet.

Just start talking...
 

Chitown

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
165%
Apr 14, 2009
708
1,168
Culver City
No matter how awkward or shitty the conversations are if you go up to everyone he points out you get your money back. If you chicken out you lose $100. I bet after one day you will find it way easier to approach strangers.
@lewj24

Hilarious!
 

Andy Black

Help people. Get paid. Help more people.
Staff member
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
370%
May 20, 2014
18,564
68,695
Ireland
Oh shit you want some easy advice. I didn't really think about the gym.

All you gotta do is go in there and go for a new 1 rep max. Find someone and say, "Hey can you spot me real quick? I'm trying a 1 rep PR."

100% of people will agree.

They spot your lift, you say thanks, they say no problem, you say, "I never caught your name." They introduce themselves, you introduce yourself.

BOOM! Ice broken.

Now you can either keep talking or leave and when you see him another day say, "Whaddup (insert name here)? We never really got to talk. Are you in school? Where do you work? Whats your routine? You take supplements? You bulking? (insert a million different questions here)????"

If you hit it off, cool. If not. Find a new spotter
Genius.




OP, read the thread linked to in my signature about 700+ PMs with fellow forum members.

When someone follows me or gives me rep, I always PM them to say thanks.

I then ask them "How're things going?". A short conversation ensues. I learn that they are normal people with unique and interesting stories. What would happen if you tried that on this forum?



Also... my "Hello" in real life is normally a nod and a "How's it going?".

This is open-ended and doesn't need a response. If they respond with anything other than a grumble back, then I'll keep talking.

Practice on the checkout person the next time you're going through a till paying for groceries/ petrol/ coffee/ etc.

Practice on the waiter, waitress, barman, barber, person in the shop who came to ask you if you need a hand.

Just nod and say "Morning. How's it going?"

Everyone knows it's going to be a very short conversation and you're just being polite. And they're professional small talkers.

Treat it as a chance to brighten up someone's day who's doing a boring job.

I do this all.the.time.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Chitown

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
165%
Apr 14, 2009
708
1,168
Culver City
where you already have shared experiences.
@corious

Right here is where it all starts!

You're in the same venue, sharing an experience
. That one fact puts you farther along than you realize - you and this other person have something in common. This is a good thing because that human being you're trying to meet is assured of several things: commonality, fraternity, curiosity

If that other person responds to any of the above 3 items in you, chances are you're starting off on the right foot. [I'm not a psychologist, folks; just using-anecdotal observation]

Of course, not everyone will engage you at the same enthusiasm level. However, your chances of connecting with someone increases exponentially because odds are the majority of the people in the venue have a whole lot in common.
 

smarty

Gold Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
189%
Jan 2, 2013
984
1,859

Paul Thomas

Bronze Contributor
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
128%
Jul 9, 2013
264
338
De-dramatize the act of speaking to a stranger in your head - (aka. its not a big deal). Think of the positive potential outcomes of meeting a new person.

Go out and use this new frame of mind to say hey how are you, and take it from there.
 

LightHouse

Legendary Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
163%
Aug 13, 2007
4,297
6,996
Northern VA
It's not helping posting about not talking to people in real life by posting on a forum.

Do you know anyone locally that you see as a "great people person" or a "great networker"?
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Nomangee

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
152%
May 11, 2012
83
126
Germany
I'm currently working on the same problem as you and finally, also thanks to a few TFF members seeing some first results.

Today stroke up a conversation with a woman on a peddle board in the middle of a lake in the cold and it was really fun and we both left with a smile on our face.

I think the lesson for me was, to be unselfish about the situation and be genuinely interested in her (interest for peddle boarding).

Then it's not anymore about you, but about them, making their life a little better for a short time. Which in return creates positive energy and will come back to you at some point in time.

There is a book called "Mindset". The author explains that there are 2 different mindsets, the fixed and the growth one.

A growth mindset embraces failures and being rejected, as a means to see there is an area that can and should be improved and so they will, without the negative and sabotaging self talk most people have, as for them the journey to learn/master something is everything.

Also a speech on Youtube, a fellow fastlaner posted on the "Get Shit Done" system, explains it really well. The speaker says, that you are like a pendulum, one side has all the negative emotions like failure, rejection... and the other has all the positive. The less one side swings, the less the other side swings back.

If you embrace and even go directly into failing as fast and as hard as you can, you have pure growth. He for example started in the real estate business when he was 20 and went everyday to 50 homes and ringed, only hearing No's at the beginning.

Then he came home and called more and got only No's, after only a few months he already had a thriving business with 44 agents, if I remember correctly.
 
Last edited:

jaypi

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
135%
Jun 8, 2016
20
27
35
Nj
imo, striking a conversation at the gym will be your easiest place to build the communication skills. You work out six days a week, so you know what happens there through observation. Being a gym rat, I used to have this problem myself, but I've recently been working on personal development ever since I found interest in business earlier this week.

As @lewj24 mentioned, asking to spot you will break the ice. You can also ask "How many more sets do you have?" then toss a compliment, whether it be about their biceps, weights they're using on that set, form, etc. followed by another question, like "what are you working out for?" or "how long have you been lifting?" then eventually throw in questions about their personal life.

Just don't ask a bunch of questions, otherwise other people could perceive you as a detective. :/ Share some info about yourself, or continue asking until the other person starts asking questions about you. In addition, people, too, want to get their workouts in, so don't spend 30 minutes talking about their occupation. Just a brief chat, get their names, and perhaps throw in an invite to workout together sometime or hang out outside the gym. Actively listen to what the other person is saying and find something within the interaction to thread the conversation.

And last but not least, be curious.
 

Mattie

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
129%
May 28, 2014
3,485
4,490
53
U.S.
Are you an introvert? I believe Introverts have a hard time socializing. You might want to do research on communication skills for Introverts. This can be social anxiety as well. I believe just talking on cam on Periscope, or You tube or something draws your attention to people, and you force yourself to interact with them and get past your fears.

If you can do it online, you can turn around and do it offline. That always worked for me in the past.

If your an extrovert, it shouldn't be as a difficult because you're more sociable to being with, and I agree with same books already mentioned.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

Fox

Legendary Contributor
Staff member
FASTLANE INSIDER
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Rat-Race Escape!
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Forum Sponsor
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
690%
Aug 19, 2015
3,881
26,766
Europe
Ask questions.

Thats how you got this thread started and look how everyone jumped in. People love to talk about what they do and why. Find what other people are interested are in or excited about and ask them questions about it.

The gym is a really hard place to meet people since everyone is in beast mode. I am a friendly guy but at the gym I am there to work!
Outside the gym just ask good questions and its easy to talk to people.

Cuál es el mejor lugar para comer cerca de aquí? - Whats the best place to get food near to here. I ask this a lot in Colombia. Easy to pivot into what type of foods they like, about travel in general or talk about the city.

What also works is compliments that pivot into questions.

"Hey you are really good at that, how did you get started?"

And of course avoid closed questions - "Hey is this place open" ... "Yes" :(


*Bonus*

I grew up around some very charismatic and friendly people in Ireland. They could start a conversation with anyone and would often get distracted all the time talking to the most random people. A common thing they used to always do is funny/interesting observations...

For example: So you are in the gym and there are a few people working out near the free weights. They would say something like "man the grips on these are impossible to hold" or some funny type of observation. They would always laugh or smile saying stuff like this and just throw it out there. People naturally just want to jump in and start talking about the same thing. They have great body language and good eye contact etc.

They would do this all the time and if you hung out with them for a day they would end up talking to about 20-40 random people everyday. Its more advanced and you need to be a decent conversationalist to begin with but this really powerful. Just fun simple observations like you already know the person, people can open right up within seconds if done right.
 
Last edited:

Nomangee

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
152%
May 11, 2012
83
126
Germany
What I have observed now in the last few days while pushing me to do random conversations is, that most people, like me, read books like How to win friend or other material and that makes the whole process often so complicated and we overthink the whole doing.

Action is king!

Everyone who has that problem, watch the video above posted by Thiago Machado. It helped me instantly to start with the easiest and most effective solution. Nothing fancy, pure KISS, basically 2-3 easy strategies to implement...

And so I had the most amazing conversations since a long time today with 2 girls right after another. One was more fun, awkward and banterish, the other one was still fun, but more intellectual stimulating, which I sometimes like even more.

These where the 3 most important thinks for me to change:
1. Be completely non-judgmental ( to myself and them )
Through that you give an energy out to trust and be more open with you

2. Be 100% genuinely Interested in them and what makes them so unique
Instant boost in talking from their side, like 10x more, because otherwise they maybe think, they are not interesting enough or feel you are not interested in them or the chosen topic

3. It's not about me, it's about them!
So shut your F*cking mind up and really LISTEN, react to them with real interest on their topic of choice and ask quality open questions in regards to the chosen topic, even if it's something you are at first not interested in at all.

This is the hardest part for me to overcome and I still fell into the trap several times in the conversation, but every time corrected myself and got the conversation back to THEM with asking another more open question, about something they spoke about before ( building rapport )

Hope this help anyone. :)
 
Last edited:

AndreHimself

Goat Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
124%
May 12, 2015
49
61
LA
You can give a real compliment if you see something about them that you like. Don't give fake compliments.
Ask questions and be genuinely interested in their responses. People notice this.
Use the 80/20 rule when having a conversation. Listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time.
If you really listen to what is being said by the other person, you don't have to worry about what to say next because you'll know.
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

paper-boy

PARKED
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
0% - New User
Nov 26, 2016
3
0
35
Try talking to one new person every single day. You can start off with compliments and build upon that once you have enough confidence.

It's all about repetition before you get good at something.
 

S0l@ce

PARKED
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
0% - New User
Dec 22, 2016
2
0
30
I'm going through the same dilemma myself. I feel like I lose out on so much by not striking up conversations with strangers. I see others do it with such ease and watch with jealous awe. It's so frustrating and I'm ready to break out of it. So thanks for asking this. You're certainly not alone.
 

S0l@ce

PARKED
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
0% - New User
Dec 22, 2016
2
0
30
Is this a confidence issue? If you lack confidence you need to figure out why. Then you need to improve on the things that are making you lack confidence. Then convince yourself you're the most confident man alive and fake it till you make it.

Or

Go out with a friend. Give him $100. And tell him that you have to talk to whoever he tells you to. No matter how awkward or shitty the conversations are if you go up to everyone he points out you get your money back. If you chicken out you lose $100. I bet after one day you will find it way easier to approach strangers.

Especially if you have already read books on this then it sounds like you just have to force yourself to actually do it. Practice makes perfect.
I like the money method! [emoji38] Make it even more motivating...Do it when you are broke and have no extra money left over. Make conversation or starve!
 
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

DBXI

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
176%
Nov 24, 2015
49
86
Try joining some local groups for entrepreneurship or similar groups you find interesting. Then actually go to those meetups. It can be super stressful at first but the people there are all just like you and would love to have someone else to interact with. You mentioned you are working out which is huge for me for testosterone boost and overall "feeling awesome" about yourself which you need. Men / Women love confidence. Put people around you that are more social and influential and I promise you some of their personality will rub off on you. And one final thought: smile. Try "foreal" smiling at a random stranger sometime and saying "hi". It's weird at first but you wouldn't believe how that can lighten someone's day up.
 

MidwestLandlord

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
759%
Dec 6, 2016
1,479
11,226
What works for me is realizing people love talking about their "babies"

Their babies include:

1) Their job or line of work
2) Their biggest time waster (sports, TV shows, whatever)
3) Their actual babies (kids)

Ask questions about these, without getting too personal ("how much do you make?" Uh...no) and you're golden. Most people will spill their guts about their babies.

As for actually starting the conversation...it all starts with "Hi"

Most people are receptive to a "Hi" with a warm genuine smile. (As an aside, "Hi" is the best pickup line EVER haha)
 

Post New Topic

Please SEARCH before posting.
Please select the BEST category.

Post new topic

Guest post submissions offered HERE.

Latest Posts

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top