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How to respond to haters

MJ DeMarco

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"So you went to college and got your 4 year degree to cut trees down?"

"Yes, on track to do a quarter million this year, how you doing in your cubicle?"
 

Bearcorp

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Ignore it and move on. Maybe they were having a joke with you and you were too sensitive to it, maybe the person's an a$$hole. Pick your path and ignore non-constructive chatter.

4-5 years ago I had lunch with a friend who has his own business, wanted to pick his brain in relation to my relatively new company. He offered little in the way of anything really, and even went as far as telling my dad later (they're friends too) that I was wasting my time and it would amount to nothing. Last night he messaged me on Facebook, wants to catch up and have me teach him how to take his business online, wants to come through my warehouse and learn my processes etc etc. The wheel turns when you stay focused on what you're doing and ignoring haters.

"First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,
then they fight you,
then you win"

*No idea who first said that, sorry.
 
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A lion doesn’t concern himself with the opinion of the sheep.
 

luniac

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How do you guys go about when you get haters that talk crap?

I recently had someone who I thought was my friend, who hadnt contacted me in months. I posted an IG story of me cutting a tree down and he says:

"So you went to college and got your 4 year degree to cut trees down?"

I was so mad because here I have someone who I thought was my friend being negative. I didnt know how to respond.

How do you guys deal with the hate?

I would have been like
"yes"
LOL
 

Bearcorp

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I imagine you are going to help him ?

I’ve invited him to come and visit at a time that suits me, if that works for him he’s welcome to come and pick my brain, I don’t have any animosity toward him about our lunch those years ago, we caught up for a few beers last year and had a laugh about it.

That type of thing isn’t unusual. I’ve had mates that mocked me that now ask for a job for example, it’s all a part of becoming better and growing. People either support you, envy you, become jealous, or drop off completely. That’s out of our control though, focus on and control what we can, not other people’s opinions/judgement.
 
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Andy Black

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True, you're absolutely right, life's too short.
Thanks for putting things in perspective.
Not only are there too many people in the world, there’s sooo many good people in the world who would be amazing lifelong friends with you. By keeping in contact with people who bring you down you’re missing out on meeting the amazing people who will enrich your life.

It’s sad that some people are crabs in a bucket. Throw them a lifeline, but don’t let them drag you into their world.

As you say, life is too short. Live it with people you enjoy being with, and who enrich your life.

Also, our mental health should probably be our top priority. Without it we potentially lose everything else, including our physical health, relationships, and life itself.
 

Andy Black

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Oh boy, you’ve got me on a roll now.

I remember reading a great line years ago. I’ll paraphrase it:

“Your job as a parent is to fill your child’s barrel of self-esteem so full that the world can’t affect them it when it pokes holes in it.”
 
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Fox

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First one or two times just a funny reply or no reply (like people mentioned above) and move on.

If a trend develops though I just block them/cut them out.
 

Andy Black

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How do you guys go about when you get haters that talk crap?

I recently had someone who I thought was my friend, who hadnt contacted me in months. I posted an IG story of me cutting a tree down and he says:

"So you went to college and got your 4 year degree to cut trees down?"

I was so mad because here I have someone who I thought was my friend being negative. I didnt know how to respond.

How do you guys deal with the hate?
I had something similar. I was posting somewhere - Facebook or YouTube, I can’t recall. A so called friend asked when I’d be as big as The X-Factor. I replied with something witty and have ignored him since. He could have just been trying to be funny, but I’m not interested in people with that humour.

See it as you dodging a bullet. They’ve shown their true colour and you can now remove them from your life. No need to be mean or burn bridges. I prefer to dispassionately think of it as you both not being good fits for each other.
 

minivanman

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I used to get negative people when I was talking about my business and how great it was. I was probably over-doing it but I was actually trying to get them on-board to start their own business. Mine was a house cleaning business so I used to catch all kinds of hell (I was a straight male in a female's world)...... until my friends stopped by my house one day. The same with my family, then when my sister came to see me she told them how I was living and then my other sister came up and from then on neither my friends or my family has said a bad word about how I make money. Nowadays I steer clear of talking about what I do because I'm scared someone will want to borrow money :jawdrop: :moneybag:

Moral of the story: Live your own life and don't worry about anyone else. Sounds as though he has lots of student loans, lots of debt, a nagging female and a boring J.O.B.

But my friends know what my response would have been because I am the biggest smart@ss you will ever meet and I doubt anyone would have said that because they know me.... It would have went something like..... Your mom pays my rent and bills so I just do this for fun. :bolt:
 

Odysseus M Jones

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"So you went to college and got your 4 year degree to cut trees down?"
Is it true though? :hilarious:

It could be playful or they could be jealous of your accomplishments, know you're thin-skinned & want a reaction.

Social media if full of losers that let steam off with negativity & redirect their disappointment with their lives to whoever is within earshot.

Agree with the others, steer clear of random haters, you'll make their day if you engage with them.

I deal with known 'haters' by agreeing with them & deprecating myself even more, it takes the wind out of their sails. Add a few twists in to play with their heads.

"LOL, that's my big promotion, last week I was shoveling compost.
Btw they let me take the chainsaw home, fancy a sleepover next Friday 13th?
I'll come over.
I know where you live..."

Remember though, there's only one thing worse than being talked about.
That's not being talked about.

And then you block.

It might be worth mention that I am a person who blocked a lot of my friends and who don't speak with many people nowadays, and who is okay with it. I have little patience even for my old-time friends, right now.

What do you gain by blocking people?
Essentially you're sticking your head in the sand, you've no idea what they're doing then.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
 

Andy Black

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Essentially you're sticking your head in the sand, you've no idea what they're doing then.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
There’s too many people in the world to bother keeping in close contact with people who don’t have your back.
 
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Odysseus M Jones

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Odysseus M Jones

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“Your job as a parent is to fill your child’s barrel of self-esteem so full that the world can’t affect them it when it pokes holes in it.”
I read that the best thing you can do for your kids while they're in school is make them look good, ie attractive. They'll be really popular.
I kid you not, that was scientific research. Kids are cruel & they'll pick on the outsiders with unconventional hairstyles & clothing.
I had a yellow parka when everyone else had blue.
Bananas anyone?
 

RealDreams

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People who bring you down are just insecure about their own level of success.
Nod, agree and move on.

It's as if you were clambing a mountain and you were further on top than them, and they would try to pull you down because they are scared to keep climbing.
 
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Madame Peccato

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Do not answer to haters. Ever.

They are not going to stop, in fact, seeing that you give them attention will make them even more involved in their distorted idea of annoying you for the sake of being annoying.

Or just answer "yep", but these remarks are best left unanswered.

However, what your friend said doesn't sound necessarily malicious. Maybe he is genuinely concerned with you, and he doesn't know better. If he was taught that the path to follow was the scripted one, of course he will think you are doing poorly.
 

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"Yes, and yet I still don't need to joke with people around me to make myself a little happier".

And then you block.

It might be worth mention that I am a person who blocked a lot of my friends and who don't speak with many people nowadays, and who is okay with it. I have little patience even for my old-time friends, right now.

So, this is me.
You are you.
If you're in the game of trying to maintain relationships, is up to you. I am in the game of maintaining only the absolutely necessary minimum to keep me sane, which for me is low.
 

Noo

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What do you gain by blocking people?
Essentially you're sticking your head in the sand, you've no idea what they're doing then.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

You don't gain anything except more time and liberty from people who will not help you achieve anything.

I don't need to compare myself to anyone because they're usually taking completely different routes and have completely different circumstances.

If it's someone you work with or study with, it might be worth it having them around, but if they talk shit about what you're doing, they don't respect you.
Enemies deep down have some kind of appreciation, or they won't even consider you enemy - you would be a nobody for them.
 
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amp0193

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How do you guys deal with the hate?

Ignore it, until you're successful, and they stick their foot in their mouths.

Nothing channels my drive more than people questioning me or telling me I can't do something.


My in-laws told my wife that starting my business was a bad idea. Fast forward 2 years and they are bragging about me to their friends.


Can't argue with success.
 

Timmy C

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I agree with @Bearcorp he could probably have just been joking. I talk smack to my friends all the time, it's playful joking.

You should be able to tell if it goes to far and if they are a good friend they will recognize that and not go that far again.

Things like this you just use your own judgment.
 
D

Deleted78083

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First they ignore you,
then they laugh at you,
then they fight you,
then you win"

*No idea who first said that, sorry

I think that was Ghandi.

Anyway, just ignore, it is not easy to do, just think some people spend their time building and giving values, and others spend theirs criticizing.

"Critics come most of the time for those who are self-conscious of their ignorance but want to broadcast the opposite".
 

Noo

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I don't recall having any girlfriends though.
Excuse me my therapist's waiting... :playful:


Girls just wanted to use me. I entered in too many relationships, too fast.

Sooo, my therapist is also waiting... :playful:

Okay, I guess I'll use this ludic moment to explore a little bit the topic of haters.

I was also bullied when I was a kid. I was bullied for being too smart(primary school), having acne(middle school), and being too poor(primary, middle, high school, and college, because I live in a dorm).

This never stopped. Then I was segregated because I didn't want to smoke drugs, and my school was basically infested by it. I've tried to change school, but my parents said "f you",and the school principal said: "the drugs problems need to be addressed with psychologists, not with the police".

So, 4 years later, there are still drugs there.

The years passed and things changed, but I live in a town with 2.5k's inhabitants, and in a school that serves 9k, so it was basically always the same people, and I've had always the same value for them: a shitty one, I were always shit. Only excuses have changed.

In college, one time all my ex-classmate from high school who were studying at the same place as me organized a dinner and they invited everyone except me.

So, basically bullying and hate never stopped.
Yes, I had friends. But most of the times to be with a person I liked, I needed to be with another person, who didn't like me.

When I went to college that problem stopped.

I didn't do anything: I was always the same person.

Because when it comes to haters: it's never about who you are, it's always about who they're.

In college, I am shit. I have bad grades. I don't speak to a lot of people(I am not rude with anyone, I just don't know a lot of people). I am much worse as a person, for my own judgement, because I am not as happy as I used to be. I am not as interesting, because I'm much less interested in people, and in life in general.
But people treat me better.
Why?
Because they're better people. They treat me like they should: as a normal human being with problems and shit to deal with.
 

Andy Black

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Kid

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Reminds me of how early oil fields owner behaved.

They were going into jewelry store in oil-dirty rubber boots
and worker outfit.
As you might guess they ware very welcomed and were buying
in cash whatever caught the eye of their wives.
 

Andy Black

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Smile and nod.

Make them feel safe by agreeing with them.

Do the opposite.
I love the Smile-and-Nod brush off almost as much as the “Thanks” brush off.

I don’t do the opposite though, I just keep on doing what I was doing.
 

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