How to change mindset into being more single-Minded

[oimate]

Hi,

Hopefully this topic will evolve into advice and adding value to sidewalkers and slowlaners

The theme is simple:

I am a classic slowlaner-Average job, morgage,and getting by but nothing out of this world:

I listen to the likes of MJ and recently Gary Vee.

How do I go from being a nice guy to not giving a shit what people think about me?

What mind sets have you fastlaners went through to develop this way of thinking?

 

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[Andy Black]

Hi,

Hopefully this topic will evolve into advice and adding value to sidewalkers and slowlaners

The theme is simple:

I am a classic slowlaner-Average job, morgage,and getting by but nothing out of this world:

I listen to the likes of MJ and recently Gary Vee.

How do I go from being a nice guy to not giving a shit what people think about me?

What mind sets have you fastlaners went through to develop this way of thinking?

Having your own escape plan helps you to not gaf about what other people think. Keep chipping away doing your thing.

Because I'm on my own journey, not following someone else's blueprint, I can get advice from smart people that I nod my head to politely and then completely ignore.

Because I believe in myself and believe "I am enough", I can drive my 2006 Toyota Corolla that doesn't owe me anything and not gaf about the "nicer" cars on the road. It's my favourite car because it's proof I'm not driven (as much) by what other people think.

TL;DR?

Have a mission... to do something bigger than you. AKA help and focus on other people not yourself.

 

[Andy Black]

Oh, and I prefer listening to Russell Brunson's podcast "Marketing in Your Car" to Gary V now. I binged on Gary V a few months ago until it seemed to repeat itself...

 

[SteveO]

The realization that your life is about you. The term "selfish" has a derogatory connotation. It all depends on the context though. Any negativity that comes with that word should be related to choices that harm other people. Lying and stealing would be examples of this. It also comes into play when people do things that benefit them to the detriment of others. Littering because you are too lazy to carry your trash for a little while. Going through a barricade to get you somewhere faster, regardless of the workers that have to stop because you are in their way.

But in society the term also gets mixed in when people feel that others are not doing things to benefit others. This should not be any of their business.

I feel that I care about others. But, my actions are based on what benefits me, mine, and things that I care about. I'm not going to inconvenience others to convenience myself. There are people that think I would though. Raising the prices on goods and services might be seen as a selfish act. We all have choices to make. The definition of selfish is definitely in a gray area.

I put up "No Trespassing" signs all over the golf course. There is a community forum where this action is criticized. Why should families and people living adjacent to the course not be allowed to enjoy the open land and green grass. Well, I have many reasons. People can get hit by golf balls, they are a distraction to paying customers, they lend no money to the additional maintenance that comes from their use. I get in arguments with people and feel the need to say things like "I don't cut through your yard because it is faster or peaceful". It takes my time and money to fix holes left by running dogs on the putting greens. I have chased close neighbors off the course for this. Who is being selfish? Great greens are a major part of the customer draw. The list of issues is large but most people don't see them. They just see a sign and an inconvenience for themselves.

MJ is on a world stage. He presents his ideology in a way that opens him up to criticism. He would have great difficulty if he cared about what others think as a result. He knows that what he does benefits himself and others. That is what he cares about. It is not the path that all people should take.

 

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[MidwestLandlord]

How do I go from being a nice guy to not giving a shit what people think about me?

Have you read the book 'No more Mr Nice Guy'? If not, you should.

A lot of guys try to go from "nice guy" to "a**hole" and that's not really the way to do it. No one likes assholes anyway. There's a time and place for being an a**hole for sure. But to go from one extreme to another is in-congruent for a nice guy, so it doesn't work. The opposite of crazy is still crazy and all that...

The book above explains all that.

Because I believe in myself and believe "I am enough", I can drive my 2006 Toyota Corolla that doesn't owe me anything and not gaf about the "nicer" cars on the road. It's my favourite car because it's proof I'm not driven (as much) by what other people think.

This really is the essence of not being a "nice guy" ^^^

Why do people buy nice cars with payments they can't afford? Huge houses that turn into time and money pits? Toys like boats and motorcycles?

Do they do it because they can? Because they earned them, want them, and are fulfilling a dream?

Or is it because they wish to impress, get attention, status, and are using the perception of wealth to cover up the insecurity that they are "not enough"?

What do they care about more, themselves, or what other's think? If they cared about themselves more than other's opinions, would they really get themselves into financial trouble trying to prove their worth?

Understanding your own values, working to get your needs filled, and realizing that by being selfish and filling your own needs you are actually in a better position to provide for the needs of those you care about, is what it takes to not be a "nice guy"

"Putting yourself first" benefits everybody in your life.

 

[GoodluckChuck]

Another thing to consider if you find yourself constantly worrying about what OTHERS think about YOU is to stop the thought process at OTHERS.

The word worry is associated with anxiety and a common cause for anxiety is being overly focused inward. By focussing outward you can be more in tune with what's going on around you and worrying becomes a thing of the past, unless of course you're standing in front of a bear or something..

Focus on other people. Make sure they feel good about themselves. This is the quickest way to make anyone and everyone like you... but you're not worried about that anymore...

 

[JWelch]

Hi,

Hopefully this topic will evolve into advice and adding value to sidewalkers and slowlaners

The theme is simple:

I am a classic slowlaner-Average job, morgage,and getting by but nothing out of this world:

I listen to the likes of MJ and recently Gary Vee.

How do I go from being a nice guy to not giving a shit what people think about me?

What mind sets have you fastlaners went through to develop this way of thinking?

I'll share with you what I have found to be a very useful tool that has really helped me be laser focused and begin taking action.

If you don't already, look into and teach yourself about meditation. Not like you're a monk exactly but just find a means to reflect and find clarity. Get away from everyone and every thing a few times per week for 20-30 minutes. Go to a park or go for a walk by yourself with no phone.

When you do this consider what you ultimately want to accomplish in life professionally. Then consider the person you need to be to handle that business, the person that an organization looks to for leadership and guidance, to be CEO of your company

I think people often approach life backwards when it comes to this. They think that first they need to get their money right THEN they will change themselves into the person that fits the money. That's not the way it works. You need to find the person who's running your fastlane business in 5 years and act like that person TODAY! Your demeanor and thoughts and belief system dictate your actions, which ultimately dictate your results (money, success, results etc.)

 

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[OldFaithful]

You've received some great responses thus far. They have been so good, that it's hard to pick my favorite.

I'll just add the following thread regarding "moral selfishness":
Greed is Good

I'll also pull out a suggestion for a book that helped me better understand the concept.

I've read a terrific book that deals with this subject as it relates to business. "How to Be Profitable and Moral: A Rational Egoist Approach to Business" by Jaana Woiceshyn. I highly recommend it.

 

[oimate]

Oh, and I prefer listening to Russell Brunson's podcast "Marketing in Your Car" to Gary V now. I binged on Gary V a few months ago until it seemed to repeat itself...

Ha-I know what you mean-I still like him thou-I Think its the enthusiasm that he has which I like-Its the same with Tony Robbins... and I guess most of these type of people-Brilliant to listen to but in reality its the same story being re-hashed in a different way. The challenge is to start implimenting some of the good things that these guys make us aware off and simply get our a$$ in gear.

I hope MJ will be more active on the social side of things coming up too and after unscripted is released(or perhaps I looked at an old youtube channel of his with older videos)

 

[Andy Black]

Ha-I know what you mean-I still like him thou-I Think its the enthusiasm that he has which I like-Its the same with Tony Robbins... and I guess most of these type of people-Brilliant to listen to but in reality its the same story being re-hashed in a different way. The challenge is to start implimenting some of the good things that these guys make us aware off and simply get our a$$ in gear.

I hope MJ will be more active on the social side of things coming up too and after unscripted is released(or perhaps I looked at an old youtube channel of his with older videos)

Russell has the same energy, is excellent at sales and marketing, and is logging his journey as he grows his business. Great insights.

Episodes are short and on point. His enthusiasm is infectious. And he's consistent. Episodes 300-302 are gold, and starting from the beginning is like a ring side seat on his journey. Great format actually...

 

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[RMarques]

Realize that every day you aren't pushing yourself - you are wasting not only your potential.. but your potential to make an impact on others' lives.
Don't think that not caring what others think about you is the way to take.
Think about when you're on your death bed and what kind of life you want to look back on.
Did you go through life angry at others and chased temporary things that fade away OR did you push yourself to take risks so you can realize the true potential in your life.. to make an impact on lives around you.. that my friend.. is not temporary.

 

[G-Man]

How do I go from being a nice guy to not giving a shit what people think about me?

Realizing that for the most part, they don't think about you at all.

Also, and @SteveO 's story is the perfect example of this: If they do think about you, it's probably in a way that's totally selfish.

They just feel entitled to tear up your greens without paying.