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How To Block The Naysayers? The younger you are, the easier you're influenced?

Anything related to matters of the mind

DrScream

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Hey guys,

I'm currently rereading Unscripted (notes I've taken thus far on the bottom of the post) and wanted to get your feedback on something I realized on my second read through that I was doing. I've changed business vehicles about 4 times in the last year and was about to close out my LLC when I finally sat down and did a bit of thinking after reading chapter 28 of Unscripted . I realized that the reason I've been switching vehicles is that every time I'd get everything up and running (The website, advertising channels, etc...) I'd let the opinions of those around me start to influence me and put me in a more fearful state. I hate the fact that I'm so easily influenced but I'm also grateful that I now have this awareness.

I initially started my YouTube channel (DrScream) and migrated to selling CBD Oil because I saw an opportunity (along with 55,000 other people). I noticed everyone saying that this business was the next Get Rich quick scheme and I dropped it. I still believe that dropping the CBD was the right decision because I don't want to be going where everyone goes (An opportunity there could be to teach people how to start their own CBD Oil business). Anyway, I dropped the CBD and I moved onto another venture of selling cell phone repairs. I did this for a few clients and I realized that this wouldn't really be scalable unless I hired an employee which I had zero experience with. I was reminded of my zero experience by a family member and I bought into the fear and dropped the business altogether.

Now I've been in a very depressed state lately (on purpose I might add) because I wanted to get clear on my WHY and use that to fuel me into the next venture to set up walls of protection that help me get the opinions of those around me in one ear and out the other.

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think would be of great benefit to helping you develop that inner strength to block out the naysayers. I know MJ mentions that it comes with time but I just figured I could ask you timed veterans to get clearer. I'm currently meditating a lot on thinking about problems I've noticed others having so that my next venture is much more value based than my previous ones. Thoughts??
 
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DrScream

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Here's my notes thus far:
Unscripted By MJ DeMarco


  • The First Half: Unprogramming Bullshit
    • In the first half of Unscripted , MJ focuses on removing & reprogramming a lot of the old conditioned beliefs we receive through cultural hypnosis that keeps us imprisoned in dogma.
    • Different wealth vehicles from MLM "opportunities" to compound interest potential, following your passion & living frugally are just a few examples. While these wealth vehicles aren't that bad when paired with what MJ refers to as "fast lane business ventures," using them as your main vehicle to financial independence will guarantee failure or at best a mediocre life.
  • The Second Half: Action, Review, Change, Repeat
    • After you've gone through the reprogramming of the first half, MJ gets down to the actionable steps that you need to take in order to succeed in business.
    • What's your WHY? Why are you trying to become financially independent? Your WHY is what will get you to work late into the night when all of your friends are out partying because "it's Friday & that's what people do."
  • Action Fakers VS Action Takers
    • Action Fakers: The quickest way to recognize an action faker is to find someone who's overthinking the Logo, business cards, & how they're going to manage the tax side of all of the sales they're going to be getting (emphasis on GOING TO BE). They haven't gotten a single sale and yet they're planning 55 steps ahead without even trying to see if the collective consciousness (also known as 'The Market') needs their product/service?
    • Action Takers: The action taker isn't far apart from the action faker in that a lot of action takers started out as action fakers. You migrate to an action taker when you learn to find the MVP (Minimum Viable Product) and create a quick ad campaign with a $50 wordpress site to see if the market could use your product/service. The action taker realizes that all of the small details most people freak out about mean almost zero to the consumer trying to buy their product.

      Imagine for a second that you had cancer & someone had created a cure. Would you wait before purchasing the cure because that company or individual wasn't fully established? I sure hope not or else you'd be dead. This is an extreme example but it's meant to illustrate the point that no matter how much planning you do, you're wasting your time if the market doesn't want your product.
 

Andy Black

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If anyone uses phrases “you need to”, “you should”, or “you must” then I put them in the “ignore everything they say” box.

If people haven’t actually done what they’re advising me on then I take their advice with a pinch of salt.

I must admit I also don’t often ask for advice but observe what others are doing. When someone gives me unasked for advice I take that with a pinch of salt too.

Hmmm... I’d say take everything with a pinch of salt.

... and be careful of who you talk to about what you’re up to, and avoid people and situations where you’ll get a lot of unasked for advice.

... and get a stronger Why. If your why is to help certain people then you might find yourself less susceptible to being distracted by other people’s opinions.
 

DrScream

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If anyone uses phrases “you need to”, “you should”, or “you must” then I put them in the “ignore everything they say” box.

If people haven’t actually done what they’re advising me on then I take their advice with a pinch of salt.

I must admit I also don’t often ask for advice but observe what others are doing. When someone gives me unasked for advice I take that with a pinch of salt too.

Hmmm... I’d say take everything with a pinch of salt.

... and be careful of who you talk to about what you’re up to, and avoid people and situations where you’ll get a lot of unasked for advice.

... and get a stronger Why. If your why is to help certain people then you might find yourself less susceptible to being distracted by other people’s opinions.
Thanks for the useful information, Andy. It's much appreciated. I'm going to work on my why. I've got to meditate on it while I continue to read the rest of the book. I'm actually on the chapter of Meaning & Purpose as we speak so I'll be on the lookout for it.
 
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MitchM

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If you’re struggling with the opinion of others, then it seems to me this could be an issue of self-belief.

Having standards for yourself and rules for yourself - and sticking to them - is a fantastic way to build up belief in yourself and will give the resilience you need to come to your conclusions and take the opinions of others as just that.. an opinion.

At the end of the day, nobody has experience hiring people until the first time they do it.

Identifying yourself as someone who learns, adapts, and grows and doing things that are consistent with this belief will help build up the confidence required to follow through.

Maybe you’re already at this point, but if you think you may have an issue of keeping little promises to yourself - start there. Realize how important it is to have integrity.

When you know you’re on the path of growth and you have faith that you will follow through on your commitments, win or lose, you’ll find that the opinions of others don’t affect you.
 

DrScream

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If you’re struggling with the opinion of others, then it seems to me this could be an issue of self-belief.

Having standards for yourself and rules for yourself - and sticking to them - is a fantastic way to build up belief in yourself and will give the resilience you need to come to your conclusions and take the opinions of others as just that.. an opinion.

At the end of the day, nobody has experience hiring people until the first time they do it.

Identifying yourself as someone who learns, adapts, and grows and doing things that are consistent with this belief will help build up the confidence required to follow through.

Maybe you’re already at this point, but if you think you may have an issue of keeping little promises to yourself - start there. Realize how important it is to have integrity.

When you know you’re on the path of growth and you have faith that you will follow through on your commitments, win or lose, you’ll find that the opinions of others don’t affect you.
Thanks, Mitch! I'm still pretty early in the game so I'll definitely be making a conscious effort to develop that integrity to raise the belief in myself. I, like everyone else, have days where I believe in myself and days where I think everyone on the planet has better answers than me.

I've been working on my daily habits and figuring out how to develop routines around being process-oriented rather than event-driven.
 

Marc B.

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I wanted to ask, what do you guys think would be of great benefit to helping you develop that inner strength to block out the naysayers.

I deal in data, math, and facts. It is hard to pay attention to baseless negative feedback when your numbers tell the truth. So when someone says, "This isn't working for you," step back to assess the situation objectively. From a business perspective, yuou can quantify sales, satisfied and dissatisfied customers, profit, loss, how you use your time, etc.

If that is not enough, then it is imperative that you know what matters most to you. I struggled to find a strong enough "why" for years. A few FTE's later, and it is easy for me to decide who and what deserves my attention. Now it is clear that when my back is against the wall, I can only think about my closest friends and family. My pursuit of success as an entrepreneur is driven by a strong desire to spend my spare time with them having fun and making memories. When you grasp how limited your bandwidth is, it becomes almost impossible to dwell on negative opinions for long.

That worked for me, so as Andy said, take it with a pinch of salt. Good on you for reaching out to this community. It is okay to be easily influenced, so long as you choose the right influencers.
 
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Kevin88660

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Hey guys,

I'm currently rereading Unscripted (notes I've taken thus far on the bottom of the post) and wanted to get your feedback on something I realized on my second read through that I was doing. I've changed business vehicles about 4 times in the last year and was about to close out my LLC when I finally sat down and did a bit of thinking after reading chapter 28 of Unscripted . I realized that the reason I've been switching vehicles is that every time I'd get everything up and running (The website, advertising channels, etc...) I'd let the opinions of those around me start to influence me and put me in a more fearful state. I hate the fact that I'm so easily influenced but I'm also grateful that I now have this awareness.

I initially started my YouTube channel (DrScream) and migrated to selling CBD Oil because I saw an opportunity (along with 55,000 other people). I noticed everyone saying that this business was the next Get Rich quick scheme and I dropped it. I still believe that dropping the CBD was the right decision because I don't want to be going where everyone goes (An opportunity there could be to teach people how to start their own CBD Oil business). Anyway, I dropped the CBD and I moved onto another venture of selling cell phone repairs. I did this for a few clients and I realized that this wouldn't really be scalable unless I hired an employee which I had zero experience with. I was reminded of my zero experience by a family member and I bought into the fear and dropped the business altogether.

Now I've been in a very depressed state lately (on purpose I might add) because I wanted to get clear on my WHY and use that to fuel me into the next venture to set up walls of protection that help me get the opinions of those around me in one ear and out the other.

I wanted to ask, what do you guys think would be of great benefit to helping you develop that inner strength to block out the naysayers. I know MJ mentions that it comes with time but I just figured I could ask you timed veterans to get clearer. I'm currently meditating a lot on thinking about problems I've noticed others having so that my next venture is much more value based than my previous ones. Thoughts??
I think you have a legitimate question that need a legitimate answer.

You need to have a decision principle. If you have an idea that is not working then ask why? Do you need to change certain areas and tweak here and there because the idea is worth pursuing and you still see potential? Or you have decided that this is a dead end and you should move on and not waste time? Other people can give you opinion but you have to make the choice in the end.

You can try google “lean start-up”. Maybe you can find something there?
 

DrScream

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I think you have a legitimate question that need a legitimate answer.

You need to have a decision principle. If you have an idea that is not working then ask why? Do you need to change certain areas and tweak here and there because the idea is worth pursuing and you still see potential? Or you have decided that this is a dead end and you should move on and not waste time? Other people can give you opinion but you have to make the choice in the end.

You can try google “lean start-up”. Maybe you can find something there?
That's actually my next read after the secrets of the millionaire mind!
 

MJ DeMarco

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Ignore what other people say unless their opinion comes attached to money, or attached to a life you aspire for.

Most people are stuck in a rat race and simply want you to remain in it with them.

I deal in data, math, and facts. It is hard to pay attention to baseless negative feedback when your numbers tell the truth. So when someone says, "This isn't working for you," step back to assess the situation objectively. From a business perspective, yuou can quantify sales, satisfied and dissatisfied customers, profit, loss, how you use your time, etc.

If that is not enough, then it is imperative that you know what matters most to you. I struggled to find a strong enough "why" for years. A few FTE's later, and it is easy for me to decide who and what deserves my attention. Now it is clear that when my back is against the wall, I can only think about my closest friends and family. My pursuit of success as an entrepreneur is driven by a strong desire to spend my spare time with them having fun and making memories. When you grasp how limited your bandwidth is, it becomes almost impossible to dwell on negative opinions for long.

That worked for me, so as Andy said, take it with a pinch of salt. Good on you for reaching out to this community. It is okay to be easily influenced, so long as you choose the right influencers.

+ 1
 

Black_Dragon43

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I think you're asking the wrong question. You shouldn't "block naysayers", because the naysayers aren't the problem. Your reaction to them is the issue. The fact that they influence you negatively, that's the issue.

I think you should separate the emotions that you feel when you hear something negative, from your loss of motivation. The two don't necessarily have to be tied together. The moment you realize this, you are going to feel bad and hurt when you hear the naysayers, but it won't have an effect on your performance.

Pay close attention when you're around naysayers, and notice what happens. If you're careful, you'll see -> you hear something negative, you start feeling a negative emotion, your negative emotion fuels a train of thoughts which amplify the negative emotion, which leads to more thought, etc.

When that happens, you're F*cked. You've already lost your productivity and are going down the rabbit hole of feeling more and more negative emotion - emotion that YOU, not the naysayers, keep propagating. So be aware, stay present in the moment, and re-direct your attention elsewhere. BREAK THE CYCLE!

If you break the cycle you only feel negative emotions when you hear what they say, and after that it's gone. If you don't play it over and over again, if you don't keep focusing on it, then it will go. But if you cling to it, it's going to burn you harder and harder. Let it go...

Because here's the final fact:

NOTHING THAT ANYONE SAYS, REGARDLESS OF WHO THEY ARE OR HOW SUCCESSFUL THEY HAPPEN TO BE, CAN STOP YOU FROM SUCCEEDING

Words have never stopped anyone. Not securing financing, not getting enough clients, your fear - those things can stop you. But words that someone said never stopped anyone, nor do they have any power unless you give it to them.
 

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