How to become a leader?

[JohnFuture]

Hello guys,

I have to admit this forum is very good in terms of theory (thanks in advance), but now I am at the present moment thinking that I actually need execution.

I am working full time as a software engineer, reading books, listening podcasts about mindset and entrepreneurship, basically brainwashing my brain with the content that will help me to serve in the future many people.

My question is how do I become a leader, not just a leader but a person who could lead people?
I am about to start toastmasters, because I know how important is to be on the front of the people.

Don't get me wrong I don't want to be the leader who points people what to do but to show and work with the team together. How can I improve leadership skills, what actions or opportunities should I do? I feel that I need more confidence in this area since I know this will be the most and difficult job ever. For successful business in the future, I do need this skill.

Any thoughts?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Kak]

I wouldn’t consider myself some ‘amazing leader’ by any stretch of the word. I, like most of you, simply strive for ongoing improvement.

@JohnFuture you have honed in on the most imprortant skill for building real enterprise. Nicely done. Anything can be done with the right leadership. Assembling the proper people, resources and capital around a project is our job as entrepreneurs.

With that in mind, take that knowledge and begin applying it. Want to build a space hotel? Ok, get enough people to believe in it, fund it, build it, launch it, and book it. Practice makes you better.

Books help, but they’re not going to make you a leader. Do.

 

[Raoul Duke]

LEADERSHIP: The Dichotomy It Takes To Dominate, ft. Jocko Willink, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO264

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0739PYQSS/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B079Y51FC3/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

http://jockopodcast.com/?s=leadership

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Kung Fu Steve]

To influence others you must first learn how to influence yourself.

To influence yourself, you'll need to understand your needs, your values, your rules, and your beliefs (The driving forces in your own psyche).

Once you understand those you can start to identify other peoples' needs, values, rules, and beliefs.

Then you can start to influence people they way THEY would be influenced... not how you think they should be influenced.

Level 1 is influencing yourself
Level 2 is influencing one on one
Level 3 is influencing groups of people
Level 4 is global influence -- meaning -- creating environments where people are naturally influenced

Many tactics and skills and platitudes such as "lead by example" or "be the change you wish to see" but there's a lot of truth to those.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[RayAndré]

Hi @JohnFuture!

You've essentially described the last year of my life.

"How do I go from a full-time IC programmer to an impactful fastlane leader?"

If you're like me, then you're NOT leading even in tiny everyday situations. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How decisive are you?
2. When interacting with others, how often do you make a choice that affects the group?
3. When in a conversation with others, how often do speak vs just sit and listen to their babble?
4. When in a conversation, how easily/quickly do you end/leave the conversation once you realize you want to?

These are just examples. Point being, lead yourself every minute of every day first. Baby steps It will become habit. It will build your future.

"Extreme Ownership" as mentioned above is a GREAT book. Read it.

I'm looking forward to your progress on this one, its something I'm working on myself.

 

[Andy Black]

“People listen to experts, they follow leaders.” (Doberman Dan)

I love this quote.

Leaders lead.

They don’t have to be an expert. They don’t have to be be best at what they do. They just have to be in motion, and people have to see they’re in motion.

A person in motion is a powerful thing. It creates a vacuum behind them and people get sucked in and follow.

I’ve created numerous progress threads where I “give myself permission to suck” (Doberman Dan again), and just go for 30 days. I knew jack about Instagram, paid email newsletters, doing selfie style videos, or podcasting.

I got in motion though. And I kept in motion for at least 30 days.

I also documented it - I was seen to be in motion. People followed because they could see I was in motion. So while those progress threads were active I was leading a few people.

I’ve literally put myself in front of camera knowing I’m crap to try and set an example that you just need to start, and keep going.

You can see me making it up as I go along, changing my mind, and trying new things. What you don’t see is me stopping dead at the first obstacle. I stop when I satisfied I’ve broken the back of it.

Get started. Keep going. Do it so others can see. People will follow.

Simple.


Here’s one of my first videos:

• People listen to experts, they follow leaders

 

[Kak]

The more I see this thread hanging out in the hot section, the more I see the general idea of this thread as oxymoronic.

Being taught how to lead is following by definition.

The best answer to the question "How do I become a leader?" Is quite simply to start leading. Set an example for those around you. Inside, outside and around your sphere of influence. Respect is earned, not commanded.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Fox]

Take action and openly share your results.

People respect those who do the things they are scared to do.
And they follow those who share these journey with these actions along with the processes, failures, and successes.

Everyone on this forum with influence...
- takes huge action
- shares that action (or you wouldn't even know about it)
- openly discusses both failure and success (different between a leader and someone trying to sell you X)
- they give back and have a heart

So...
- Pick the area you wish to lead in
- Do the hard work others won't or are scared to do right now
- Share that with others
- Help those who are coming up behind you to have the same success
= Leader

 

[MTEE1985]

Hello guys,

I have to admit this forum is very good in terms of theory (thanks in advance), but now I am at the present moment thinking that I actually need execution.

I am working full time as a software engineer, reading books, listening podcasts about mindset and entrepreneurship, basically brainwashing my brain with the content that will help me to serve in the future many people.

My question is how do I become a leader, not just a leader but a person who could lead people?
I am about to start toastmasters, because I know how important is to be on the front of the people.

Don't get me wrong I don't want to be the leader who points people what to do but to show and work with the team together. How can I improve leadership skills, what actions or opportunities should I do? I feel that I need more confidence in this area since I know this will be the most and difficult job ever. For successful business in the future, I do need this skill.

Any thoughts?

It is absolutely one of, if not THE most important skill you can develop. Can you clarify why you feel you need it right now though? Are you currently working on a project where you are overseeing others or because it is in your future plans?

There are some good books out there on the topic but ultimately, until you are put in a leadership role you can’t fully have the skill.

@Kak Where did you start?

 

[lowtek]

Hi @JohnFuture!

You've essentially described the last year of my life.

"How do I go from a full-time IC programmer to an impactful fastlane leader?"

If you're like me, then you're NOT leading even in tiny everyday situations. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How decisive are you?
2. When interacting with others, how often do you make a choice that affects the group?
3. When in a conversation with others, how often do speak vs just sit and listen to their babble?
4. When in a conversation, how easily/quickly do you end/leave the conversation once you realize you want to?

These are just examples. Point being, lead yourself every minute of every day first. Baby steps It will become habit. It will build your future.

"Extreme Ownership" as mentioned above is a GREAT book. Read it.

I'm looking forward to your progress on this one, its something I'm working on myself.

Took the .. errr.. characters right out from my fingertips.

I firmly believe you are what you continually do. If you're a follower in your own personal social situations, then that's indicative of the mindset you have.

To shift, start by leading in everything. Start the conversations, steer them (not forcefully, obviously), put forth suggestions for the group. Be decisive but not domineering.

Another aspect that I didn't see mentioned is to develop your tendency to build up others. When you're at work, don't hesitate to talk up your teammates to others (assuming it's justified). It's quite rare that people will follow a leader that beats down the troops, so it's important to start building that characteristic.

Another idea: be the one to jump on the grenade. If there's some task that the management brings up, be the first to volunteer, if you can get the job done. Become known as the person who gets stuff done, and this will help in your path to becoming a leader. Let's face it, nobody will follow the incompetent.

Disclaimer: I wouldn't consider myself a strong leader, but these are the traits and actions of those that have inspired me to follow them.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Kung Fu Steve]

@Kung Fu Steve How do I Identify other people's value,need,rules and beliefs if I dont know them so good, how to read between lines ?

Can you apply that in everyday situations ?

That's a massive question (and a massive study of human psychology).

But the right questions and listening to what's TRULY being said is the key.

I have literally hundreds of these but you can really learn about what drives someone by asking things like...

Who are you?
Who are you not?
Life is about...
Life isn't about...
Your most important beliefs are...
Who are you at work?
Who are you to the public?
Who are you to yourself?
How much is a long time? What's a short time?
What's acceptable? Unacceptable?
The past is...
The present is...

What's most important to you in life?
What's the second more important thing?

Would you rather have security or adventure?
Would you rather be loved or be important?

Questions like these are not only interesting (everyone will have a different answer) but you'll start to see who is more security driven versus variety. Who needs certainty and who needs excitement. Who wants to be unique and special and who wants to be a part of a team.

Once you can understand and appreciate someone's world it is so much easier to influence someone. Leadership IS influence.

There's that old saying I'm going to butcher:

When that guy spoke, people were inspired...

When he spoke, the people marched.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[ChrisV]

How to be a leader? Be the best at what you do. Just get better every day.

The alpha in many species is the one who can kick everyone's a$$

But in humans, the alpha is the most competent person in the room.

 

[ChrisV]

All these answers are just overly complex. The leader of any given group is the one who is the best at whatever activity that needs to be lead.

The chess club is going to be lead by Bobby Fisher. The Ice Skaters are going to be lead by Nancy Carigan. The swim team is going to be lead by Michael Phelps. Narcotics Anonymous is going to be lead by Ike Turner.

The leader is whoever is best at that given activity. The lead hunter isn’t some mediocre hunter, with the better hunters following his lead.

The “leaders” on this forum are the ones who have been through the ringer, and therefore have the best business advice. @biophase , @Kak , @Andy Black , @Vigilante .. MJ

All these guys gain “leadership” status around here because they know what the F*ck they’re talking about. Therefore people look to them for advice.

I mean there’s no paint by numbers method here. There’s no easy way. There are no leadership methods you’re going to read that are going to make you an overnight star and let you skip the line and get VIP tables at all the nightclubs. You have to ride to the top like everyone else. Be the best. Study your trade.

And finally If you’re already in that position and the best in your field, then teach the people under you to be as good as you, or as close as possible, for the betterment of the team.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[jlwilliams]

All these answers are just overly complex. The leader of any given group is the one who is the best at whatever activity that needs to be lead.

The chess club is going to be lead by Bobby Fisher. The Ice Skaters are going to be lead by Nancy Carigan. The swim team is going to be lead by Michael Phelps. Narcotics Anonymous is going to be lead by Ike Turner.

The leader is whoever is best at that given activity. The lead hunter isn’t some mediocre hunter, with the better hunters following his lead.

The “leaders” on this forum are the ones who have been through the ringer, and therefore have the best business advice. @biophase , @Kak , @Andy Black , @Vigilante .. MJ

All these guys gain “leadership” status around here because they know what the f*ck they’re talking about. Therefore people look to them for advice.

I mean there’s no paint by numbers method here. There’s no easy way. There are no leadership methods you’re going to read that are going to make you an overnight star and let you skip the line and get VIP tables at all the nightclubs. You have to ride to the top like everyone else. Be the best. Study your trade.

And finally If you’re already in that position and the best in your field, then teach the people under you to be as good as you, or as close as possible, for the betterment of the team.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Competence is not the same as leadership. The team of builders isn't always lead by the best carpenter. The fire team isn't necessarily lead by the best rifleman, and so on. While competence does add to the congruity and confidence that people naturally follow, it's not the whole enchilada.

Leadership is a skill set in it's own right, and it's learnable.

 

[B. Cole]

“People listen to experts, they follow leaders.” (Doberman Dan)

I love this quote.

Leaders lead.

They don’t have to be an expert. They don’t have to be be best at what they do. They just have to be in motion, and people have to see they’re in motion.

A person in motion is a powerful thing. It creates a vacuum behind them and people get sucked in and follow.

I’ve created numerous progress threads where I “give myself permission to suck” (Doberman Dan again), and just go for 30 days. I knew jack about Instagram, paid email newsletters, doing selfie style videos, or podcasting.

I got in motion though. And I kept in motion for at least 30 days.

I also documented it - I was seen to be in motion. People followed because they could see I was in motion. So while those progress threads were active I was leading a few people.

I’ve literally put myself in front of camera knowing I’m crap to try and set an example that you just need to start, and keep going.

You can see me making it up as I go along, changing my mind, and trying new things. What you don’t see is me stopping dead at the first obstacle. I stop when I satisfied I’ve broken the back of it.

Get started. Keep going. Do it so others can see. People will follow.

Simple.


Here’s one of my first videos:

• People listen to experts, they follow leaders

This.

Rep to @JohnFuture for asking about the most important skill there is - and for joining a Tostmaster’s club. This will do a ton for your confidence and ability to lead engagements, both large and small.

Early on, demonstrate strong critical thinking and problem solving skills. Exude perseverance and make getting results your top priority, no matter where you work. This will, in a short time, poise you for a leadership position in any organization. From there, consider this:

My background is architectural, I was mostly a carpenter and general contractor. I used the skills I mentioned above, and progressed to the career I am currently in. I lead a team of :

28 Carpenters
25 HVAC Techs/Engineers
25 Electricians/Engineers/Fire Engineers
12 Plumbers
15 Painters
50 Custodial staff
7 StoreKeepers (7,000+ line items in our inventory)
3 Project Managers
2 Exterminators
8 Inspectors
6 Administrative staff

Multiple layers of management in each trade. Annual Operating budget is $25M, maintaining 5M square feet of facilities (almost 700 buildings of all types: Recreation Centers, Fire and Police Stations, Libraries, Administrative Buildings, Pump Stations, etc.) Above me is an Administrator, and reporting to me are the Supervisors of each trade I mentioned.

In this capacity, there is no way myself or anyone else would know each of these trades well enough to perform ground level, play by play decisions. It is my job to employ people I trust to work with me to make decisions. As Andy says, these are my experts. They know their systems inside and out, I know the overall system at an organizational level and the parameters in which we have to operate. I respect their expertise, allow them to make decisions and I support them. Leaders create more leaders.You shouldn’t be in front of the people, as you said, as much as they should be in front of you, confident in where they are going because you’ve empowered them and given them a clear direction.

Early on I challenged them to help me build a vision for our department. We brainstormed, talked about past leadership, evaluated what was working and what wasn’t. We made corrections together that would make life better. I kept my promises to them, but also had to make changes they didn’t like, but understood because some things were prohibitive to our vision that we agreed to pursue. When people are part of the vision, they buy in and will go there with you.

Sometimes they strongly oppose one of my decisions, and we talk about why. Sometimes we just don’t have the resources for what they need, so we’ll work on an alternative. I’ll challenge them to come up with solution, we’ll vet them out. Sometimes they don’t actually need what they think they need, and it takes multiple points of view to realize it. This is the democratic leadership style, one in which the leader shares the decision making with the team. My opinion is that this is the best style, absolutely critical for innovative and developmental processes.

Why and how democratic leadership style is one of the most effective management styles

When you embark on your entrepreneurial venture, you’ll inevitably find things that you cannot do, or that are time prohibitive to learn. As you seek out people to help you and take over certain aspects, make sure you find people that excel in what you need done. This allows you to respect their expertise and employ it to build on your vision.

Be clear, but open minded. Trust them with what you have given them, and keep communication open and often as they work for you. Ask them what they think. Listen to them when they make suggestions, but know you have the final say. Know enough to know right from wrong, and stay true to your end goal.

Hope this helps -

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Kung Fu Steve]

I lost 110 lbs from Jan to Oct 2018. That isn't a small feat to accomplish. I want to identify how I did this and apply to other things. IE; business.

You tell us; why were you so successful? What did you do differently?

 

[MTEE1985]

I feel it because the earlier you will start the better you will be in the next years, in my case my business.
I also feel now that I want to challenge my work, since during meetings I am not leading the meeting but others, perhaps not feeling so confident. What books could you suggest?

1) listen carefully to everything @Kung Fu Steve says

2) figure out a way at work to start leading at something no matter how small, do a good job and it will snowball.

I personally like Simon Sinek’s books and Jocko’s books mentioned above. Start with Extreme Ownership. Even though he is ex military he is not a hammer pounding nails kind of leader, he knows his shit. My favorite thing he says is that a great leader needs to have humility. When I was overseeing 25 guys at the country club I worked at I made it a point to give them credit for EVERYTHING good, and take the blame for EVERY complaint. It fostered an enormous amount of loyalty from my staff and made us all better.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[The Abundant Man]

 

[TheSilverSpoon]

I am working full time as a software engineer, reading books, listening podcasts about mindset and entrepreneurship, basically brainwashing my brain with the content that will help me to serve in the future many people.

My question is how do I become a leader, not just a leader but a person who could lead people?

A few thoughts from another full time software guy. I've spent the past 6 months focusing real hard on team building and culture.

1. Hire good people

Seems obvious, but this one is easy mess up. Drive and ambition are more important than technical skills. A hunger to improve is golden. My last hire was a guy who was a bit green on the technical skills but has really picked things up quick. His communication is excellent, he brings up issues ahead of time, and he just wants to become the best developer he can be, as quickly as humanly possible. Those traits are invaluable to have.

2. Know your shit

Respect is important. It's a two way street. If you aren't impressed by what your people are doing, you f*cked up on #1. If your people think you are an idiot, then you probably shouldn't be leading them.

This becomes even more important when interacting with people outside your direct line of report. Don't overstep. Know what you are talking about and be honest when you don't.

3. Communicate well

Everyone has a different way of communicating. Learn it. Speak their language. Figure out what is important to them and what makes their eyes glaze over.

Tech people tend to be much more direct and literal. You'll have a much easier time laying out projects, requirements, etc to these people.

Also, make sure everyone on the team knows what your vision is. We keep it simple - make the best software possible faster than anyone else can. This has worked well for us. It keeps product quality high, development costs low and taps into just enough of a competitive edge to keep things engaging.

4. Let them grow

Assuming this is for a software related leadership position - your goal should be to have your people be the best developers they can be. This means passing you in technical ability.

Do everything you can to foster this. Buy them books. Show them reference materials and websites. Give direct feedback where you can see improvements can be made.

Encourage them to take risks and try new things. Explore what went wrong when things blow up. Praise them appropriately when things go good.

5. Drop your ego and get out of the way

The ultimate goal is to have a self-directed team that does not require you any more. This means no more playing super hero and saving the day when things go sideways. No more being the only guy who knows how to work on an area.

Drop the ego and do what is best for the team. Spread the knowledge and extricate yourself from as many things as possible. Rethink your position. You aren't leading the cavalry charge to war. You aren't playing tactical chess. You are bringing smart, driven people together and giving them the resources they need to do their best while simultaneously removing their obstacles. That's it.

While simple, this involves trusting your team, which is hard. And, in turn, taking ownership for the inevitable failures that will happen as the team grows. You are 100% responsible for any mistakes made. Learn from them, but don't dwell on them.

And finally, get out of the way. People take time to grow. Give both them and yourself time to learn and grow. Once things start to click, you will be amazed at how handsomely this stuff pays off.

6. Read

@csalvato has some incredibly good posts on team building. Start here. He knows his stuff and has been a huge factor in me getting to where I am today.

Jocko's Extreme Ownership is a great one.

Notes to a Software Team Leader is also great.

And a classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[RayAndré]

When in conversation with someone who just keeps talking without letting me talk, I always prefer the option to leave the conversation as soon as possible as I find that talking with people who are too selfish is very boring and a waste of time.

I also don't like to interrupt the other person because I think it can be disrespectful. As a person, I like to be respectful and leading by example is very effective. Also, why would I want to gain the attention of someone who just isn't interested in me.

Yes, this. Listen, listen, listen, then (maybe) talk.
I've found that if a person speaks a thought/story, then stops, that's an easy time to say something. To agree, to give your thoughts, to tell your story of a similar time.
But what if you don't? What if you let that moment, that silence hang?
Most of the time, THEY will break the silence. Its interesting. Try it.
I find that it helps build my self-control, and reduces my automatic response mechanism.
Reducing this auto-response I think is a key part of leadership.


But, what about when you're in a situation when the person doesn't stop, and you dont want to leave? In my example, I was in the jacuzzi, enjoying and relaxing, with this dude talking and talking.
So I thought, let me try, as an experiment, to start talking more. Yes I'll have to interrupt him. Yes I'll have to take the "spotlight" from him in order to have my own room to speak.
It was an experiment. I think, as a leader, especially when leading yourself, you HAVE to be willing to try new things, see how they worked, then do more or less of that new thing.

I used to be the type of person who would coward out of that kind of situation.
This basic, simple, every day situation was simply a test of me 1) breaking my comfort zone trying things I normally wouldn't, and 2) speaking up for myself (literally!)

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BlindSide]

LEADERSHIP: The Dichotomy It Takes To Dominate, ft. Jocko Willink, with Andy Frisella - MFCEO264

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0739PYQSS/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B079Y51FC3/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

http://jockopodcast.com/?s=leadership

The book Extreme Ownership is fantastic, I HIGHLY recommend it.

And I promise, Jocko won't just try to talk like a hard a$$ the whole time. He talks about how the lessons he learned in the military transfer over to what he sees in everyday life, and all of them are applicable.

Good share @Raoul Duke

 

[JohnFuture]

Hi @JohnFuture!

You've essentially described the last year of my life.

"How do I go from a full-time IC programmer to an impactful fastlane leader?"

If you're like me, then you're NOT leading even in tiny everyday situations. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How decisive are you?
2. When interacting with others, how often do you make a choice that affects the group?
3. When in a conversation with others, how often do speak vs just sit and listen to their babble?
4. When in a conversation, how easily/quickly do you end/leave the conversation once you realize you want to?

These are just examples. Point being, lead yourself every minute of every day first. Baby steps It will become habit. It will build your future.

"Extreme Ownership" as mentioned above is a GREAT book. Read it.

I'm looking forward to your progress on this one, its something I'm working on myself.

Hey! Thanks for the tips, I do like the small baby steps, now I am paying more attention to things I say and how I do it. For your questions, do you tend to participate and lead conversations/meetings or listen only, or both?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Hijena1]

@Kung Fu Steve How do I Identify other people's value,need,rules and beliefs if I dont know them so good, how to read between lines ?

Can you apply that in everyday situations ?

 

[Raoul Duke]

Can you clarify? What do you mean?

I lost 110 lbs from Jan to Oct 2018. That isn't a small feat to accomplish. I want to identify how I did this and apply to other things. IE; business.

 

[Bearcorp]

I just listened to this excellent podcast from Andy Frisella on leadership, well worth a listen


The MFCEO Project by Andy Frisella | #100to0 on Apple Podcasts

*It didn't link to the actual podcast for some reason but the heading is
"LEADERSHIP: The dichotomy it takes to dominate ft. Jocko Willink"

*** Apologies I didn't realise its already been mentioned in the thread! Well let me say a +1 to this podcast haha!

 

[jlwilliams]

Great conversation.

Something I'm working on myself that fits this pursuit is putting my environment under control, where I can. Little things like cleaning my house and car, organizing this area and throwing out that junk all have the effect of exercising self control. Self control is the cornerstone of leadership.

Cleaning your act up will help you carry yourself like a winner.

 

[Robert Williams]

If you want to become a leader than first thing you should be honest.It is One of the qualities that define a good leader is honesty. When you are responsible for a team of people, it is important to be straightforward. Your company and its employees are a reflection of yourself, and if you make honest and ethical behavior as a key value, your team will follow. You sholuu be hard worker if you are handing a team.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

That’s all valid, but you have to be good at what you do in order for people to follow you.

there are exceptions and it depends on the industry. For instance the Maestro doesn’t need to be a great flute player. But he does have to have a great understanding of Music in general. A CEO doesn’t have to be a great engineer. But he does need a strong knowledge of his field.

But the leader in any group has to have the most all around competence. There are tons of people jockeying for #1, and of you can’t defend your position, there are plenty of people who would love it. they’re just waiting for you to show incompetence.

Not to make it sound gruesome but #1 is a well sought after position.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I think you’re talking about THE Leader in a certain field.

If you’ve got 5 people following your breadcrumbs, or who’ve pinned their flag to your mast then you’re leading them. That makes you a leader.

Some people followed my progress thread where I tried to do selfie videos, record chats, and other stuff I knew nothing about. I enjoyed documenting how crap and clueless I was at the start. People followed because I was crap and clueless, but knew I’d keep battering at it till I got somewhere.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AstonMartinOne77]

Hey @JohnFuture, @RayAndré

I'm exactly in the same position as you guys. Programmer working for an employer, reading self-development books, working on my character...

I used to just listen. I didn't care where the conversation went. I didn't have a reason, a why, for even being involved in the conversation.

My thoughts as to why I am this way is a whole different story having to do with the family environment I was raised in.

But that's the past, and if I stay that way its by choice.

I choose to improve.

The other day I was in an apartment-complex jacuzzi, chatting with an older guy who just moved here. Well, I realized it was more like was listening to the older guy. He clearly liked talking and was just chatting away. I thought to myself, "Am I really just going to sit here and let this guy talk my ear off?"
No!
So what do I do? I could 1) leave, or 2) engage/steer the conversation myself. At that point I started talking more, asking questions, and contributing my own stories. One thing I realize is you sometimes have to interrupt the other person to do this! You speaking means they're not speaking. You have to accept this and believe your voice is just as (if not more) important than the other person's. Same with your ideas and opinions.

That's one small example. My tone and approach with coworkers and project managers at work has also changed. It can be hard to force yourself to start 1) knowing what you want, and 2) taking ownership of making it happen on such a small level like a conversation or meeting.

But it will be worth it. That's for sure.

I found what you've just said very interesting. I also find myself in this same type of situations sometimes.

When in conversation with someone who just keeps talking without letting me talk, I always prefer the option to leave the conversation as soon as possible as I find that talking with people who are too selfish is very boring and a waste of time.

I also don't like to interrupt the other person because I think it can be disrespectful. As a person, I like to be respectful and leading by example is very effective. Also, why would I want to gain the attention of someone who just isn't interested in me.

Even in conversations of 3-4 people, I don't like to feel that I always need to talk. I actually like to encourage people who talk less to speak up their mind. Listening is very underrated.

@JohnFuture

Concerning your leadership skills, I think the best way to improve upon it is to practice it. Actually, leadership and social skills are not a skill that you just acquire. Its a lifelong commitment that you make to always improve, perfect and fine tune it.

Don't let it be an excuse to slow you down in what you are trying to accomplish. Go ahead with your execution

Good luck

 

[Andy Black]

A few leadership/management thoughts that spring to mind:

• “Catch them when they’re good.” (Encourage the behavior you want.)
• “Criticise in private, praise in public.”
• Tell people what you want done, and why, and let them figure out how.