How to "adjust" your wife accordingly

[Swam010]

Hello fellow FL-ers,

My wife's mindset to Money needs a fix. for example, we need a new carpet and she is complaining about how expensive it is. ( 500 euro carpets we're talking about...). She wants to settle for 150 euro or so, compromising style - quality and settle for average satisfaction, while we could afford even a 10.000 euro cash carpet if we so wish.

So instead of trying to convince her on my pov, I've done something different this time

I 've read her an email with the title:

*REVEALED* The astonishing secrets to get RICH now!

and then the mail:



Now let's see if it works )))

Ciao

 

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[townhaus]

I think it will be too much for her pretty little head.

 

[Swam010]

The image was fubar:
here's a new one

 

[townhaus]

Maybe you could create a budget that says where spending will be allocated, if you don't have one. Decide together how much each year should go on furniture & maintenance, food, travel, clothes etc.

Like, if you already agreed that $5k per annum is the budget for furniture, and you've barely spend half of that so far this year, it could be reasonable to buy some $1000 carpet.

 

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[Vigilante]

Um....

@Red any advice here?

:: backs out of the thread quietly::

 

[GMSI7D]

interesting chart.

to persuade people, we have to use their thinking against themselves.

to persuade a child, a wife or any emotional creature, we can't use logic but their level of thinking

 

[Swam010]

Maybe you could create a budget that says where spending will be allocated, if you don't have one. Decide together how much each year should go on furniture & maintenance, food, travel, clothes etc.

Like, if you already agreed that $5k per annum is the budget for furniture, and you've barely spend half of that so far this year, it could be reasonable to buy some $1000 carpet.

Hi Townhaus, thanks for your reply!

We even budget the parking costs paid by coins so that's not the issue. all expenses are closely followed.
The issue is my wife's mindset... it's totally slow lane... but I mean then the slowest version of slow lane.

 

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[Phones]

I can't see how choosing a 150$ carpet over a 500$ one is slowlane.

My mind is confused by this thread. *Slowly walks away*

 

[Swam010]

OK seeing the replies here, I guess I totally miss the point.
But also that is good, because it makes me reflect.

So may this then be deleted and free up space on MJ's server.

 

[458]

You can't, and i can almost guarantee failure. Men for thousands of years have tried to convince women to think like them, 99% of these men have failed and will continue to do so for another thousand years. I wish you luck, your going to need it. Your logical mind prevents you from understanding an emotional mind.

 

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[Red]

Um....

@Red any advice here?

 

[CycleGuy]

Interesting rich vs poor mindset theory.

I have my own theory. Poor people tend to think in monthly "payments". They never look deeply into finance charges or depreciation. They only care about getting something "RIGHT NOW". They have very little patience and are strong impulse buyers. This keeps them forever in debt and living paycheck to paycheck.

 

[Pete.Watson]

It could be just plain difference of opinions rather than mindset.

We all see different items differently and with different values. Some would pay +£500 for a handbag, when others would argue that the product isn't worth that amount. Maybe your wife doesn't see the value in a 500 euro carpet?

 

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[Fox]

LOL try and change your wife's mind with charts and diagrams? Best of luck.

Reminds me of this classic...

 

[Bugatti]

You can't, and i can almost guarantee failure. Men for thousands of years have tried to convince women to think like them, 99% of these men have failed and will continue to do so for another thousand years. I wish you luck, your going to need it. Your logical mind prevents you from understanding an emotional mind.

Honestly, it's not about gender but a simple difference in mindset and what people have been exposed to in the past. You will always find dolts in both genders. Take you, for example, because making generalizations is utterly foolish.

 

[amp0193]

I 've read her an email with the title:

*REVEALED* The astonishing secrets to get RICH now!

I can't believe you did that and she actually sat there as you read it. I don't know your wife, but that sounds like a moronic asshat thing to do, and my guess is that it will only cause her to dig in her heels.

Here's what really helped me understand and communicate with my wife. For fun, we figured out our personality types on the website https://www.16personalities.com. You do a survey and then they have very long descriptions of that person and everything about how their mindset/emotions work. For both of us, it was very very accurate and telling.

My wife makes decisions very much from an emotional standpoint with very little logic. She chooses on feelings, not facts. She's not stupid, it's just a different way of seeing the world. There have been many times that she has MORE clarity on a difficult choice than I do, because of this emotional intuition that I lack.


My 2 cents.

 

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[jmomcc]

Couldn't you just explain why the $500 carpet is better? Or why the $150 is not truly good value even if it is cheaper. Maybe $500 is the lowest amount you should pay for a carpet (i don't know if this is true). There seems to be an optimal price/quality point for a lot of consumer goods depending on need.

If your wife can't follow your logic, then either you aren't explaining it well, you don't make sense or she is incapable of understanding(illogical).

If you married someone who is incapable of following logic then that's on you. You aren't required to marry someone who is too 'emotional' in their choices. I didn't and other for being rightly called out for being an idiot a few times, it has worked out well.

edit: In this situation though, your argument just doesn't make sense. It could be that your wife is the logical one in the relationship. Buying something because you can is not always good logic.

 

[jesset17]

I've had a few discussions with co-workers and friends about how to get your significant other to buy into what you are trying to do or tell them. And from all the feedback and my own personal experience, the best way to do this is to have someone else tell them what you want. Its one of those things where if you hear it from a different person or read it in a book, your more likely to agree/believe it, rather than having your husband/wife tell you. For example, I liked a particular paint color for the living room, my wife wasn't on board until her father suggested almost the exact same color. I know I'm guilty of this often as well, men and women do this all the time.

I have talked about setting up a "Tell My Wife..." website where guys can post ideas that they want inceptioned into their wife's head and other members or the site can come up with a way to approach them and tell them the idea. Not sure the logistics of this or how to monetize it but me friends and I got a good laugh and thought the idea of it was good.

 

[OldFaithful]

Is my math screwed up, or is it the Euros that's throwing me? Maybe if it was in dollars I'd understand?

In the diagram under "How rich people think:" there is this equation "A lot of money / 10 = Expensive". Then the math says 250,000 / 10 = 12,500. That doesn't look right to me??? If that 12,500 should likely be 25,000...then for the rich anything below 25,000 is not expensive, and by 200 this item must be "cheap". That's a ratio of 125:1, and it needs to be 5x more (1,000) to become a good buy.

For the Poor & Mediocre, anything at 1,000 is expensive, and she thinks it's a good buy at 150. Then at the 5x ratio, it would have to be 30 for her to consider it "cheap". For the Poor, the ratio from "cheap" to "expensive" is 33.3:1

That email implies to me that the Rich are "Cheaper" than the Poor. I find this email & graphic to be very confusing.

It might be much more clear, and perhaps the true intent, to simply say that the Poor focus on the monthly while the Rich focus on big picture numbers. Or is this another Euro vs Dollar thing?

 

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[RHL]

[HASHTAG]#landfill[/HASHTAG]

Convincing people is pretty conventional regardless of their gender/sex.

You may find the following helpful:

1. Very, very, very few purchases are out of utility. All the rest are out of emotion. Typically, true utility purchases are only made on behalf of someone else.

2. If you fail to comprehend the emotion and enter the other party's worldview, speaking to the utility or practicality is irrelevant.

3. You can never reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.

3a. Objective information rarely wins subjective arguments.

3b. Attempts to make a subjective position seem objective will infuriate your negotiating partner.

Good luck. Maybe we on the forum should take a step back and reflect that we used some of our limited lifetime to discuss the carpet a stranger is going to put in his house. Carpet isn't usually worth thinking about even in your own house.

 

[SEBASTlAN]

LOL try and change your wife's mind with charts and diagrams? Best of luck.

Reminds me of this classic...

LOL dead

 

[Mattie]

Hello fellow FL-ers,

My wife's mindset to Money needs a fix. for example, we need a new carpet and she is complaining about how expensive it is. ( 500 euro carpets we're talking about...). She wants to settle for 150 euro or so, compromising style - quality and settle for average satisfaction, while we could afford even a 10.000 euro cash carpet if we so wish.

So instead of trying to convince her on my pov, I've done something different this time

I 've read her an email with the title:

*REVEALED* The astonishing secrets to get RICH now!

and then the mail:

View attachment 13179

Now let's see if it works )))

Ciao

Think it's a good way to trigger and polarize your wife. How did it work for you? I hope she has a good sense of humor. Does it really matter how much you spend on a carpet? Who really cares as long it looks nice in the room. I've been lower, middle class, and upper class homes, as a nurse aide, and I really can't remember getting on the floor, feeling it with my hands, and inspecting it with a magnifying glass, and asking, "I wonder how much they paid for this carpet? lol

 

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[Ricardo's]

I convince hundreds of girls a week to buy products on impulse.

That chart is not going to help man..

[emoji23]

 

[AG356]

 

[Swam010]

Think it's a good way to trigger and polarize your wife. How did it work for you? I hope she has a good sense of humor. Does it really matter how much you spend on a carpet? Who really cares as long it looks nice in the room. I've been lower, middle class, and upper class homes, as a nurse aide, and I really can't remember getting on the floor, feeling it with my hands, and inspecting it with a magnifying glass, and asking, "I wonder how much they paid for this carpet? lol

Mattie got the point! There's a sense of humor in it, and honestly she said, did you create this? She said It looked like copied somewhere from the internet.

Anyways, it's going to be the cheap low quality carpet anyways. In fact, the carpet never really was the issue ;-) ( although we do value time and money way differently ;-) )
thanks for the fun guys!

 

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[Swam010]

Whahhaha LOL , this picture says so much!

 

[Crossroads]

Hello fellow FL-ers,

My wife's mindset to Money needs a fix. for example, we need a new carpet and she is complaining about how expensive it is. ( 500 euro carpets we're talking about...). She wants to settle for 150 euro or so, compromising style - quality and settle for average satisfaction, while we could afford even a 10.000 euro cash carpet if we so wish.

So instead of trying to convince her on my pov, I've done something different this time

I 've read her an email with the title:

*REVEALED* The astonishing secrets to get RICH now!

and then the mail:

View attachment 13179

Now let's see if it works )))

Ciao

I get what you're trying to do (change someone else's view/thoughts). The bigger question I see, though, is why it's so important to *you* to have more expensive carpet. Perhaps that's the point she's not getting. Have you truly explained why more expensive is better? My guess is that expensive carpet provides no more value to her than Plain Jane carpet so, logically, why would she want to spend more? I would (kindly) ask why you believe she needs to conform her belief to your way of thinking? (I had to ask because after 24 years of marriage, I've learned to pick my battles...) You could win this skirmish but lose the bigger battle... If you are trying to teach her The Fastlane thought process, this just isn't working.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

[HASHTAG]#landfill[/HASHTAG] @Andy Black

 

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[Swam010]

I get what you're trying to do (change someone else's view/thoughts). The bigger question I see, though, is why it's so important to *you* to have more expensive carpet. Perhaps that's the point she's not getting. Have you truly explained why more expensive is better? My guess is that expensive carpet provides no more value to her than Plain Jane carpet so, logically, why would she want to spend more? I would (kindly) ask why you believe she needs to conform her belief to your way of thinking? (I had to ask because after 24 years of marriage, I've learned to pick my battles...) You could win this skirmish but lose the bigger battle... If you are trying to teach her The Fastlane thought process, this just isn't working.

Great that a women answers this, thank you truly! ;-)
Here's the thing: she admits the cheaper carpet is of less quality, will probably get worn much sooner ( meaning sooner need for replacement again ) the style and colour isn't fully her taste, she likes that 700 euro one much much more and would be her most wished carpet, but....
she chooses the cheapest, because it's the cheapest. Moreover the 700 euro one was found in 30 minutes, the cheaper one took an additional 5-6 hours to spot on some niche website. How would you explain to me as a man the way of thinking of a women behind that?
( additional info: we HARDLY buy any luxury goods and live waaaaaaay below our means )

 

[Swam010]

[HASHTAG]#landfill[/HASHTAG] @Andy Black

You know, I agree, it wasn't my intention it would become landfill. This should indeed be deleted, or moved to the fun forum.
[HASHTAG]#landfill[/HASHTAG] @Andy Black