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INTRO How often you exchange favours (with other founders) and has it paid back?

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MartinsMillers

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I’ve recently helped a few founders by offering them a free design consultation. From your experience, do arrangements like this ( favour to favour) has worked for you? Have you had good/bad experience?
 

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Neko

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If you actually helped these people, I don't see how it could end up being negative.

But if you are OFFERING things, I hope it's not because you want something back. If that's the case a mindset shift is in order.

What kind of "favour" exactly are you excepting from them?

Edit:
I'll add this:
If you are doing something and expect reciprocity, then say it clearly to whoever you're dealing with.
In this case you can call it an "exchange of favours".

If you are offering your help, you shouldn't expect anything in return. If you are, that's disingenuous.
 
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MartinsMillers

MartinsMillers

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Jun 11, 2020
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London
If you actually helped these people, I don't see how it could end up being negative.

But if you are OFFERING things, I hope it's not because you want something back. If that's the case a mindset shift is in order.

What kind of "favour" exactly are you excepting from them?

Edit:
I'll add this:
If you are doing something and except reciprocity, then say it clearly to whoever you're dealing with.
In this case you can call it an "exchange of favours".

If you are offering your help, you shouldn't except anything in return. If you are, that's disingenuous.
Interesting point, so you suggest, to be honest, and emphasise that I'm doing a favour? I always assume that it's a favour. I never empasise it.

I'm not waiting for anything in return at the moment. The guys I helped out with have some experience in VC funding and I think they could help me someday with a piece of advice on how to prepare for the meeting, get contacts, maybe even get some intos. But that's quite far down the line. I'm just building a network atm.

Do you do that a lot: favour-to-favour exchange?
 

Neko

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Honesty is a great quality.
Just like honor, respect and reliability. But that's personal.
Some might disagree and call me sentimental or whatever.

If, like you, I did something and expected something in return. I'd say something like:

"I'd be glad to help you do X for free. And I'd be grateful if you could maybe do X in exchange."

But here is what I think is wrong in your approach:

I always assume that it's a favour. I never empasise it.
It means that whatever you do, you expect something in return? What if this person doesn't give you anything? Does it make you angry? Do you feel scammed?


From dictionary.com

GIVE - Verb
- To present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow:
- To make a gift or gifts; contribute:

OFFER - Verb
- To propose or put forward for consideration.
- To present something as an act of worship or devotion; sacrifice.

What I advise you to do is to drop this "favour" mentality.

Instead, give. And expect nothing in return.

Think of it as an act of kindness. Helping someone in need.

First of all, I'm convinced it makes you happier and a better human being. Nothing beats the feeling of helping someone.

It doesn't need to be something incredible. Just make their day better.
For example:
A genuine smile and thank you to a service employees already goes a long way.

Im going get slightly off topic here and quote Gandalf in LOTR:

Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found that it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folks that keeps the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.
On a more "calculating" note, all human are ultimate lie detectors. If you do things just to get favours, they will absolutely end up feeling it's the case. Even if it's unconscious.

However, when you are act with true empathy and really want to help people, they feel it too.
Which paradoxically increase the chance they'll reciprocate.

Favour chasing is in some way similar to money-chasing.
If you chase something, you will struggle to get it. Once you focus on what really matters, it will come to you.


To answer your question:
No. I don't ever ask for favours because I never except anything in return for my help. Otherwise it's a non-monetary exchange.

Prime example is this thread. I'm helping you see things in another light. And I hope it will help you in life.
If it does that's great and I'll be happy. In no way shape or form am I excepting you to ever do anything for me tomorow or 20 years from now.
 
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Odysseus M Jones

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Maybe it's me, maybe it's just the way you wrote it & you didn't intend it to appear like that.
The words I made bold red are the ones that stuck me as incongruous in terms of the gist of your thread title & OP.
I’ve recently helped a few founders by offering them a free design consultation (did you specify a return favour at the time?)
From your experience, do arrangements like this ( favour to favour)...

Those two statements seem contradictory.

I'm not waiting for anything in return at the moment

The guys I helped out with have some experience in VC funding and I think they could help me someday with a piece of advice on how to prepare for the meeting, get contacts, maybe even get some intos. But that's quite far down the line. I'm just building a network atm.
Do they know you expect help?

Later you might find the recipient of your favours values their favours more highly than what you did for them.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into the words on the page.

Do you do that a lot: favour-to-favour exchange?
This kind of thing is usually agreed upon beforehand.
Even with close contacts & friends, expectations are different & one party may feel aggrieved.
Either specify, in which case it isn't a favour, it's a reciprocal agreement or help without expectation.

PS I wasn't going to post this as it's probably your writing & not your intention to sound like that, but the red looks so nice...
 

SteveO

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I don't see anything wrong with doing favors for people that could possibly help you... as long as you are genuine and don't expect. This is probably the most efficient way of finding a mentor. What better way is there of establishing a relationship?
 

Kak

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I can highly recommend the book "Give and Take" by Adam Grant. He studied people and found that people that give more of themselves are often found in the highest of leadership positions. They are also found trampled at the bottom of the food chain. Learning about this will help you walk the line. Giving without giving up.

Don't waste time being a taker or a matcher.
 

Odysseus M Jones

Your mystique.. it bothers me.
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I can highly recommend the book "Give and Take" by Adam Grant. He studied people and found that people that give more of themselves are often found in the highest of leadership positions. They are also found trampled at the bottom of the food chain. Learning about this will help you walk the line. Giving without giving up.

Don't waste time being a taker or a matcher.
The success sandwich. Who said that?
Dude at post #3 if I recall correctly.

 
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