How does this happen?

[Dolf112]

If what I was told tonight is true, how did this happen? Is there anything he could have done to prevent the situation being so hard on his financial situation? I'm also aware that what I was told could be lies... Seems like a pretty big story to make up though.

I stopped at a service station tonight and as I was washing my hands, there was a guy who was about 60 dashing around cleaning urinals and mopping the floor like I've never seen before.
Obviously this caught my eye so as I was passing him I asked him how he was doing.
He told me he was good and I complimented him on his work...
That opened up a whole conversation about his life.
He told me that he owned a bakery firm in San Fran CA. Three or so years ago his wife fell ill with a brain tumour but because of the type of tumour, it voided the health insurance? So he had to sell all his assets and pay 1.2M for her healthcare etc and sadly she passed away.
He told me he thought about ending it right then but decided to come home to the UK and be with his family. 3 months after being back home he suffered a stroke which was a year ago now and he has made a better recovery than most. Now he says he just wants an easy job and an easy living, no stress. If this is true, is he unlucky? Has life beaten him? or is he making the right choice? He is on minimum wage. I can't see it now but is there ever a point where you can fall as far as he has and not at least be able to use the skill set to at least not be a side walker?
It was an interesting conversation that has stayed with me for hours.

 

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[RussRussman18]

Well, there's always a way out of any given situation... but after having lost a spouse, his career, his savings, and probably some of his faculties (from aging+stroke) it might just not be worth it from his POV. He's honestly just lucky to still be of sound mind after suffering like that

 

[Dolf112]

Well, there's always a way out of any given situation... but after having lost a spouse, his career, his savings, and probably some of his faculties (from aging+stroke) it might just not be worth it from his POV. He's honestly just lucky to still be of sound mind after suffering like that

I can't even conceive the journey he has travelled. Your right, I'm just looking at it like if this guy has come out the other end of that journey. That means he is a lot stronger than probably most. So that's why I'm struggling to understand the slowlane part. Is he just filling his time? Also I have honestly never seen anybody who does that kind of work, take such pride and do it so well. There was also a very much alive person behind his eyes unlike most people who do that type of work.

 

[Guest34764]

Just because you have money doesn't mean you're a fastlaner.

If he is having a good time doing what he wants then why worry?Why even give it the time of thought?

 

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[Dolf112]

Just because you have money doesn't mean you're a fastlaner.

If he is having a good time doing what he wants then why worry?Why even give it the time of thought?

point taken, when I don't understand stuff, I try and analyse it until it makes perfect sense. It's kind of a weakness of mine. What he said was unexpected too.

Thanks for my mini lesson. I have to make an effort to not become too wrapped up in things that don't concern me.

 

[Jon L]

one of the differences between a sidewalker and a fastlaner is that the fastlaner has the power of choice. This guy consciously chooses to walk slowlane because he knows what he's getting and it matches what he wants. That's pretty 'fastlane' to me, even though it isn't. if that makes sense...

 

[rc08234]

you are missing the bigger picture here. you said he was cleaning like you have never seen. you complimented how well he cleaned. he went from being a millionaire to cleaning toilets.

No matter his situation, he does the best job possible. Thats what it takes to be successful. Doesnt matter if he is mopping floors or ceo of a firm, I'd bet his work ethic is linear.

Everyone copes in different ways. If he wanted to he could be "successful" again.

 

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[Dolf112]

one of the differences between a sidewalker and a fastlaner is that the fastlaner has the power of choice. This guy consciously chooses to walk slowlane because he knows what he's getting and it matches what he wants. That's pretty 'fastlane' to me, even though it isn't. if that makes sense...

Perfect sense. Thank You.

 

[Dolf112]

you are missing the bigger picture here. you said he was cleaning like you have never seen. you complimented how well he cleaned. he went from being a millionaire to cleaning toilets.

No matter his situation, he does the best job possible. Thats what it takes to be successful. Doesnt matter if he is mopping floors or ceo of a firm, I'd bet his work ethic is linear.

Everyone copes in different ways. If he wanted to he could be "successful" again.

I understand totally now. Thank you.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

is he making the right choice?

If it makes him happy, yes.

 

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[mikey3times]

So many people here think there is something wrong with the Sidewalk. They look down on people on the Sidewalk. I think this is a poor way of looking at and evaluating people.

There is nothing wrong with the Sidewalk or with having a job. If a person is happy on the Sidewalk then they are on the correct path, like MJ alluded to above. In fact, I think it is far superior to be happy on the Sidewalk than to be miserable in the Fastlane.

Please don't judge someone based on their chosen path.

 

[Captain Jack]

If what I was told tonight is true, how did this happen? Is there anything he could have done to prevent the situation being so hard on his financial situation? I'm also aware that what I was told could be lies... Seems like a pretty big story to make up though.

I stopped at a service station tonight and as I was washing my hands, there was a guy who was about 60 dashing around cleaning urinals and mopping the floor like I've never seen before.
Obviously this caught my eye so as I was passing him I asked him how he was doing.
He told me he was good and I complimented him on his work...
That opened up a whole conversation about his life.
He told me that he owned a bakery firm in San Fran CA. Three or so years ago his wife fell ill with a brain tumour but because of the type of tumour, it voided the health insurance? So he had to sell all his assets and pay 1.2M for her healthcare etc and sadly she passed away.
He told me he thought about ending it right then but decided to come home to the UK and be with his family. 3 months after being back home he suffered a stroke which was a year ago now and he has made a better recovery than most. Now he says he just wants an easy job and an easy living, no stress. If this is true, is he unlucky? Has life beaten him? or is he making the right choice? He is on minimum wage. I can't see it now but is there ever a point where you can fall as far as he has and not at least be able to use the skill set to at least not be a side walker?
It was an interesting conversation that has stayed with me for hours.

Either this guy misunderstood his situation or he's telling you a tall tale.

Health insurance isn't "voided" because of a certain condition. It's either covered or it's not. Sounds like he probably had really bad health insurance (or no insurance at all). I've seen people crippled by these kinds of things....but, in the end, it was due to poor planning on their part. They thought nothing would happen to them and, when it did, they were completely unprepared.

If anything, this is a good life lesson to not do that.

 

[Dolf112]

So many people here think there is something wrong with the Sidewalk. They look down on people on the Sidewalk. I think this is a poor way of looking at and evaluating people.

There is nothing wrong with the Sidewalk or with having a job. If a person is happy on the Sidewalk then they are on the correct path, like MJ alluded to above. In fact, I think it is far superior to be happy on the Sidewalk than to be miserable in the Fastlane.

Please don't judge someone based on their chosen path.

although what you say is true, I wonder how many people look back and wish somebody had shown them another way. If someone had just woken them up from that daydream they could have had a different life. Not to "look down" on them, but educate them.

 

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[Dolf112]

Either this guy misunderstood his situation or he's telling you a tall tale.

Health insurance isn't "voided" because of a certain condition. It's either covered or it's not. Sounds like he probably had really bad health insurance (or no insurance at all). I've seen people crippled by these kinds of things....but, in the end, it was due to poor planning on their part. They thought nothing would happen to them and, when it did, they were completely unprepared.

If anything, this is a good life lesson to not do that.

This was the kind of answer I was looking for originally. So although ultimately a terrible situation. Prior preparation could have helped dramatically. So even if he chose to do the job he is doing now and is happy with it. He could still have the freedom and ability to support everyone around him.

 

[mayana]

If this is true, is he unlucky? Has life beaten him? or is he making the right choice? He is on minimum wage. I can't see it now but is there ever a point where you can fall as far as he has and not at least be able to use the skill set to at least not be a side walker?
It was an interesting conversation that has stayed with me for hours.

That's a really sad story!!

All I can add as perspective is from my own experience. This year, I had a VERY hard year emotionally (not financially, thankfully). The hardest of my life, primarily due to one of my children's medical problems. Nothing as serious as what this guy had to go through, and yet, it can feel very hopeless - almost like life is winning!! So I can't pass a judgement on him at all for just deciding to make ends meet and just live simply. Maybe, after a while, he will decide to take life by the reigns again. We can only hope.

Man, that's a depressing story

As an added note, I'd like to add that this situation doesn't necessarily mean that he messed up or didn't plan correctly. Sometimes, really bad things just happen.

 

[mws87]

If what I was told tonight is true, how did this happen? Is there anything he could have done to prevent the situation being so hard on his financial situation? I'm also aware that what I was told could be lies... Seems like a pretty big story to make up though.

I stopped at a service station tonight and as I was washing my hands, there was a guy who was about 60 dashing around cleaning urinals and mopping the floor like I've never seen before.
Obviously this caught my eye so as I was passing him I asked him how he was doing.
He told me he was good and I complimented him on his work...
That opened up a whole conversation about his life.
He told me that he owned a bakery firm in San Fran CA. Three or so years ago his wife fell ill with a brain tumour but because of the type of tumour, it voided the health insurance? So he had to sell all his assets and pay 1.2M for her healthcare etc and sadly she passed away.
He told me he thought about ending it right then but decided to come home to the UK and be with his family. 3 months after being back home he suffered a stroke which was a year ago now and he has made a better recovery than most. Now he says he just wants an easy job and an easy living, no stress. If this is true, is he unlucky? Has life beaten him? or is he making the right choice? He is on minimum wage. I can't see it now but is there ever a point where you can fall as far as he has and not at least be able to use the skill set to at least not be a side walker?
It was an interesting conversation that has stayed with me for hours.

I'm sure he's doing what he feels is right, if his story is true. If he suffered a stroke on top of all the other shit he went through, I can't blame the guy for wanting to take it easy. Like MJ said, if it's what makes him happy, good for him. It's all about perception.

 

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[Dolf112]

That's a really sad story!!

All I can add as perspective is from my own experience. This year, I had a VERY hard year emotionally (not financially, thankfully). The hardest of my life, primarily due to one of my children's medical problems. Nothing as serious as what this guy had to go through, and yet, it can feel very hopeless - almost like life is winning!! So I can't pass a judgement on him at all for just deciding to make ends meet and just live simply. Maybe, after a while, he will decide to take life by the reigns again. We can only hope.

Man, that's a depressing story

As an added note, I'd like to add that this situation doesn't necessarily mean that he messed up or didn't plan correctly. Sometimes, really bad things just happen.

Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry to hear you've had a terrible time lately and I hope your situation improves from now on.
Just to clear this up, if it appeared that I was trying to belittle the guy in any way, that's not the case. I was just trying to make sense of his situation.

 

[Tapp001]

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a quiet life. It was my second choice. A few months ago, after Christmas, I was seriously considering abandoning everything here in the city, girlfriend, friends, life achievements, what have you, to go life in a cabin in some obscure North Ontario local, fill it with books, and go for long walks in the afternoon. Some days I still want nothing more. I'm going fastlane instead, because I realized what I really wanted was freedom. I realized I could either get it by running away, or get it by going fastlane. And this way I could still help and stay with my girlfriend.

Required Reading: In Praise of the Quiet Life

 

[Ninjakid]

We get so caught with all the choices we make that we don't always see how lucky we are from the beginning.

 

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[mayana]

Thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry to hear you've had a terrible time lately and I hope your situation improves from now on.
Just to clear this up, if it appeared that I was trying to belittle the guy in any way, that's not the case. I was just trying to make sense of his situation.

Thank you! Things are definitely improving

A few months ago, after Christmas, I was seriously considering abandoning everything here in the city, girlfriend, friends, life achievements, what have you, to go life in a cabin in some obscure North Ontario local, fill it with books, and go for long walks in the afternoon.

This looks exactly like my dream future. But I'm doing just what you are doing: getting it through the fastlane.

We get so caught with all the choices we make that we don't always see how lucky we are from the beginning.

We are lucky to HAVE as many choices as we do. I think you won this thread

 

[luniac]

If it makes him happy, yes.

but what if people are happy out of ignorance, is that still ok?
or is it better to be miserable but enlightened?
I'm having conflicting thoughts about this.

 

[SteveO]

but what if people are happy out of ignorance, is that still ok?

It does not make someone ignorant if they think differently than you. There are plenty of poor people that are happy and that is fine.

 

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[luniac]

It does not make someone ignorant if they think differently than you. There are plenty of poor people that are happy and that is fine.

Would you rather be happy or miserable? Do you really think it's "englightened" to do something that makes you miserable?

Personally, I'd say that the guy who is happy is generally more "enlightened" than the guy who is miserable, regardless of what they spend their time doing...

sorry sorry i can see how my words can be misinterpreted.
I don't mind the poor part, ive been poor and happy all my life. I only became miserable after college when I had to find a job and pay bills and the forever 40 hour/week job reality hit me like a wet brick.

how can i explain...
Complaining about job bullshit is a regular thing at the office i work at.
One dude at my office job is happy for my drive to make it and describes it as "we all gave up on our dreams already, but you didn't. you got this." The dude is barely 30 years old.
Another dude upon walking into the office had once commented something along the lines of "man seeing this damn office room is starting to get to me", yet does nothing about it but enjoys getting high all the time. Actually same thing with the previous dude and then some.
Almost everyone in the office is significantly overweight and suffering health problems but not a single one is over 40.

Then there's the one dude who claims he's happy where he's at. early 30's, slowly advancing in the department and career, in a longterm relationship with his girl.
In this case I am happy for him if he's truly happy, but then again... if he won the lottery would he still consider staying, of course not.
I discussed with him the topic of starting a business and he always argues with me saying something along the lines of

"what r u saying that i should make apps like you?"
and i say "no man, for me apps make sense, but there's infinite possibilities out there, just find a need, solve a problem"
and he says "like what, its not that easy"
and i say "yea i know its not easy, u gotta figure it out, do the research, find your path and whatnot"
and it just fizzles out from there...

So while the guy may be genuinely happy, and part of me is genuinely happy for him, another part of me thinks he just doesn't see the possibilities, if he believed that he could do better maybe he wouldn't be so happy no more in the same way as I'm not.

And the kicker is, we're all tech guys, good with software and logic, the people in my department are not burger flipping stupid teenagers at McDonalds, they can use their brains. Therefore I believe they could all do better, if they just believed they could.

I think it's ignorance of the possibilities and opportunities that keeps them from taking a shot at it.
In fact, the high all the time coworker even basically said "yea if you make it, that would be crazy, that'd make me think about what's possible, and wtf im doing with life..."

It's like everyone thinks business success is a rigged game, you must be chosen to succeed, the only other way is the lottery.

This is why I'm having conflicted thoughts. I swear im not trying to hate on anybody's life decisions, I've matured past that and am just thinking objectively.

 

[luniac]

If everyone were an entrepreneur, who would actually make, build, market, sell, transport, support, etc., all the things that the entrepreneurs were conceiving?

Not to mention, why would you want competition from 8 billion other people?

I understand that, and i also believe most people can't handle the long term mental pressure and sacrifice that starting a business entails.

But I'm talking about happiness, that ignorance is bliss.
If you really believe a standard career is the only realistic path in life, then even if you're happy being on that "correct" path, you're also ignorant of the possibilities.

I just feel it's a shame, like quitting the game without playing.
Whatever I guess, facts of life and all that, it is what it is.

 

[OldFaithful]

Sometimes life has a way of crushing your ambitions, hopes and dreams...so you settle for smaller/simplier/easier dreams.

If a person is content with their J.O.B., then good for them. If they are not, then they must make the change for themselves. All we can do is show them by example that a different life is really possible. So let's make it happen!!!

 

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[IrishSpring600]

If what I was told tonight is true, how did this happen? Is there anything he could have done to prevent the situation being so hard on his financial situation? I'm also aware that what I was told could be lies... Seems like a pretty big story to make up though.

I stopped at a service station tonight and as I was washing my hands, there was a guy who was about 60 dashing around cleaning urinals and mopping the floor like I've never seen before.
Obviously this caught my eye so as I was passing him I asked him how he was doing.
He told me he was good and I complimented him on his work...
That opened up a whole conversation about his life.
He told me that he owned a bakery firm in San Fran CA. Three or so years ago his wife fell ill with a brain tumour but because of the type of tumour, it voided the health insurance? So he had to sell all his assets and pay 1.2M for her healthcare etc and sadly she passed away.
He told me he thought about ending it right then but decided to come home to the UK and be with his family. 3 months after being back home he suffered a stroke which was a year ago now and he has made a better recovery than most. Now he says he just wants an easy job and an easy living, no stress. If this is true, is he unlucky? Has life beaten him? or is he making the right choice? He is on minimum wage. I can't see it now but is there ever a point where you can fall as far as he has and not at least be able to use the skill set to at least not be a side walker?
It was an interesting conversation that has stayed with me for hours.

It's really hard and difficult to come back from that. That was someone he truly, truly loved and would give all material possessions for another second with her.