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How Can I Improve This Offer / Copy?

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I was a anxiety sufferer (both general and social) for the better part of 20 years.

I help anxiety sufferers almost on a daily basis.

Nowhere do you actually demonstrate that you know what an anxiety sufferer goes through.

What makes you different from the other 1000 other meditation coaches?

Keep up the good work.
 

Lex DeVille

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Demo: Women between 25-54 with some form of Social anxiety and or Depression living in the US/UK/CA.

Original lander: http://www.meditation-guru.com/old-front-page/ (no conversions 50+ visits)

New lander: www.meditation-guru.com (thus far no visitors, just created the lander today).

The main problem starts with your headline. It's not targeted beyond "meditation" and it's "me" focused from the start. If I showed up on this page I'd feel like you're calling yourself a guru, yet haven't shown any benefits in the headline or subheadline or given me any reason to read further.

Let's get mindful and enjoy life. <-- That tells me nothing. Too vague. Who is this even for? Who is your target customer? What does mindfulness or enjoyment mean to them? If you don't use the words they use to describe those things, they won't care. How do you help them achieve whatever those things are without extra struggle?

Right now the old page is better than the new one. The new one only talks about you. The old one at least touched their pain a little. The layout of the new page looks better, but you have to show you understand their problem first, then paint a picture of what life will look like when they solve it, then give them clear steps to fix that problem, then you can share your story and finally have a CTA. And if I were you, I'd do the first 3 parts with bullet points.

Also, I should note those are all copy/design related suggestions. You may need to check your ads and compare them to your landing pages. If your ad says one thing and your landing page says something different, people might click, but they'll bounce because they don't get what they expected.
 

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I was a anxiety sufferer (both general and social) for the better part of 20 years.

I help anxiety sufferers almost on a daily basis.

Nowhere do you actually demonstrate that you know what an anxiety sufferer goes through.

What makes you different from the other 1000 other meditation coaches?

Keep up the good work.

Thank you for taking the time to check out the content. Your comments are duly noted and I'll amend the copy accordingly.
 
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The main problem starts with your headline. It's not targeted beyond "meditation" and it's "me" focused from the start. If I showed up on this page I'd feel like you're calling yourself a guru, yet haven't shown any benefits in the headline or subheadline or given me any reason to read further.

Let's get mindful and enjoy life. <-- That tells me nothing. Too vague. Who is this even for? Who is your target customer? What does mindfulness or enjoyment mean to them? If you don't use the words they use to describe those things, they won't care. How do you help them achieve whatever those things are without extra struggle?

Right now the old page is better than the new one. The new one only talks about you. The old one at least touched their pain a little. The layout of the new page looks better, but you have to show you understand their problem first, then paint a picture of what life will look like when they solve it, then give them clear steps to fix that problem, then you can share your story and finally have a CTA. And if I were you, I'd do the first 3 parts with bullet points.

Also, I should note those are all copy/design related suggestions. You may need to check your ads and compare them to your landing pages. If your ad says one thing and your landing page says something different, people might click, but they'll bounce because they don't get what they expected.

Thanks for your feedback Mister Minister Sinister Lex.

Will remove the "me" focus ASAP. Have changed the vague sub-headline.

Originally I was targeting people that were interested in "meditation".... but after doing a few tests, I found out that I was getting more engagement from this new demographic (anxiety related) that's why the site might feel a bit weird.

Ad copy was: Learn how to meditate (title).... but just changed it now to this:

2016-12-31_1447.png
 

Kung Fu Steve

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@SinisterLex is a professional copywriter. And from what I see he's pretty damn good. The challenge is, his copy is on a completely different level from what you've provided here.

I hate it when anyone tells me what I *need* to do... however -- you NEED a framework.

By framework I mean someone who was a professional copywriter who laid out "here's what you say first, fill in the blank." "here's what you say second, fill in the blank."

You're missing huge parts of the sales process including explaining what it is, features, advantages, benefits, guarantees, how the product works, why it works, what's the alternative, etc., etc.
 

Andy Black

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You can't judge a landing page in isolation.

It's as Lex said... what are the visitors expecting to see when they get to the landing page?

What were your visitors doing before they were enticed to your page?


Listen to the call I had with @The-J.

Read the thread "The biggest landing page mistake".
 
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AlphaWulf

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By no means am I claiming to be a professional at copy BUT my opinion is that you shouldn't have the extra options for them to click like "about us." It just distracts people form what you're trying to get them to pay attention to.

My landing pages that converted the best always had just one CTA. No matter what it was or where it was on the page, always just one.

Hope that helps!
 

UncleIroh

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Have you considered an opt in? You exchange some valuable content related to your niche for their email address. With that you are now able to continously send them valuable info and offers over time making people much more willing to buy your meditation course and as well you could send them some related affiliate offers.

Start exploring email marketing.
 

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Have you considered an opt in? You exchange some valuable content related to your niche for their email address. With that you are now able to continously send them valuable info and offers over time making people much more willing to buy your meditation course and as well you could send them some related affiliate offers.

Start exploring email marketing.
I agree. Try and build a bit of trust before the 1c, 7 day trial. Maybe something like a "7 techniques you can use right now" article via email? Then do the above.
 
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Scot

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I agree. Try and build a bit of trust before the 1c, 7 day trial. Maybe something like a "7 techniques you can use right now" article via email? Then do the above.

It takes on average about seven interactions with a customer before they actually buy from you. I would definitely look into a lead magnet sort of situation to get them started and then follow up with retargeting or emails. That way if they bounce the first time they aren't lost forever.


I was a anxiety sufferer (both general and social) for the better part of 20 years.

I help anxiety sufferers almost on a daily basis.

Nowhere do you actually demonstrate that you know what an anxiety sufferer goes through.

What makes you different from the other 1000 other meditation coaches?

Keep up the good work.


I definitely agree with this. I am by no means a copy expert, however a good story about anxiety would help sell your offer. Definitely talking about the feeling of no control over your anxiety and how meditation help to you Would sell it better. Story telling is powerful and telling that story that invokes the scary feeling of living anxiety can help to cement that.



Also, maybe tone down the floating in the stars mediation lady. I sometimes enjoy yoga or meditation but as soon as I see crazy floating people with tie dye backgrounds and third eyes I get turned off.
 

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It takes on average about seven interactions with a customer before they actually buy from you. I would definitely look into a lead magnet sort of situation to get them started and then follow up with retargeting or emails. That way if they bounce the first time they aren't lost forever.





I definitely agree with this. I am by no means a copy expert, however a good story about anxiety would help sell your offer. Definitely talking about the feeling of no control over your anxiety and how meditation help to you Would sell it better. Story telling is powerful and telling that story that invokes the scary feeling of living anxiety can help to cement that.



Also, maybe tone down the floating in the stars mediation lady. I sometimes enjoy yoga or meditation but as soon as I see crazy floating people with tie dye backgrounds and third eyes I get turned off.


Thanks everyone. I've implemented changes to the lander based on some of the suggestions from you lot. Check out it out. I believe its 100% better than the shitty little copy I had originally LOL.

I had a lead offer.... it was working okay. Getting leads for around $1 each. I'm just not much of a email responder kinda guy. BUT... I guess I should re-consider going that angle instead of sending cold traffic to my lander.

The floating lady is actually the best performing ad image. When I first tested images, I was getting around 0.5% CTR maybe if I was lucky around 1%. But after testing this new audience and changing the ad copy... I'm now seeing around 5%.
 

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Imagine being put in a cage and outside the cage there is a living image of your ideal self. Your ideal self is happy, confident, and at complete comfort with himself.

You know that deep down that you ARE this ideal self, that is who you really are. But for whatever reason, due to the constant, incessant, and nagging feelings of anxiety, you cannot be who you really are. You feel like you are trapped, you cannot stop worrying and you cannot stop feeling inadequate.

Don't even get me started with the physical sensations. Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, heart beating at 100 milers per hour, etc.

You wonder if this is how you are going to feel your entire life, you just can't take it anymore. All you wish is to be free, you want your anxiety to just F*cking die. Anxiety prevents you from living a full life, and sometimes you feel like you have missed out on so much that there is to life.

----

If you feel that way what would be a headline that would grab your attention? Remember, this is all about capturing emotion. Human beings have an innate desire for freedom, espiecially freedom from pain, fear, and danger. You need to create an offer that would make anxiety sufferers feel that you have their ticket to freedom from anxiety.

Here are some examples of headlines you could use. Keep in mind I am learning just like everyone else that is here, I am simply following a formula.

- Finally! A Proven Way Of Putting An End To Your Anxiety
- Here's How Meditation Can Permanently Cure Your Anxiety
- How Mediation Can Cure Your Anxiety
- How Meditation Can Free You From Anxiety and Worry
- If You Suffer From Anxiety, This Method Of Meditation Will Change Your Life
- If You Suffer From Anxiety, Meditation Will Change Your Life
- Don't Let Anxiety Stop You From Living A Full Life, Here's How Mediation Can Help
- This Meditation Will Finally Kill Your Anxiety
- Why (How) Meditation Will Free You From The Shackles Of Anxiety

etc etc etc

idk
 
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Kung Fu Steve

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Let me try again.

Here's an example of a wildly successful meditation program:

http://www.theamericanmonk.com/products


Pay close attention to the amount of information that is delivered about the product.

By the time you finish reading this you know exactly what it is, what it does, why you should listen to Burt, how it's going to change your life -- and if you're skeptical? Check out all of these testimonials.

There's clear cut features, advantages, and benefits to every CD in the program.

To put it simply and profoundly -- they have built a case for what they have and why you should buy it.

Compare this to your page right now and look at the amount of work and effort they have put in versus what you have put in.

I'm not saying this to bash you but if you want to become successful it's going to take more than slapping up a Dr. Oz video and hoping that people give you a recurring revenue stream.

P.S. using Dr. Oz's likeness (or anyone's) to sell and/or promote your products is illegal unless you have obtained consent. Oz in particular has a team of lawyers hunting for people to sue every single day.

P.P.S. if you still haven't found a framework Digital Marketer has great frameworks you can use. If you don't want to use them, find someone else to help you write your first sales and/or landing page.
 

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Let me try again.

Here's an example of a wildly successful meditation program:
http://www.theamericanmonk.com/products
The American Monk Mindbox

Pay close attention to the amount of information that is delivered about the product.

By the time you finish reading this you know exactly what it is, what it does, why you should listen to Burt, how it's going to change your life -- and if you're skeptical? Check out all of these testimonials.

There's clear cut features, advantages, and benefits to every CD in the program.

To put it simply and profoundly -- they have built a case for what they have and why you should buy it.

Compare this to your page right now and look at the amount of work and effort they have put in versus what you have put in.

I'm not saying this to bash you but if you want to become successful it's going to take more than slapping up a Dr. Oz video and hoping that people give you a recurring revenue stream.

P.S. using Dr. Oz's likeness (or anyone's) to sell and/or promote your products is illegal unless you have obtained consent. Oz in particular has a team of lawyers hunting for people to sue every single day.

P.P.S. if you still haven't found a framework Digital Marketer has great frameworks you can use. If you don't want to use them, find someone else to help you write your first sales and/or landing page.

Thanks for your feedback. I've gone ahead and added some substance to the lander. It's not as extensive as the american monk's site... but it's bit more than what was there before.
 

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Been trying to make this page convert: Get a FREE Anti-Stress Cube thus far only had 2 trial sign ups out of like 500 visitors. Targeting mobile phone users. Mainly women in the UK with stress/anxiety issues.
 
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UncleIroh

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Been trying to make this page convert: Get a FREE Anti-Stress Cube thus far only had 2 trial sign ups out of like 500 visitors. Targeting mobile phone users. Mainly women in the UK with stress/anxiety issues.

1) This product is not unique, has been an amazon bestseller this last weeks and got really bad 3 star average feedback
2) Why would they risk paying 4.99 on a potentially unsafe website when they can just buy it on amazon for 3.75?
 

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1) This product is not unique, has been an amazon bestseller this last weeks and got really bad 3 star average feedback
2) Why would they risk paying 4.99 on a potentially unsafe website when they can just buy it on amazon for 3.75?

Thank you Uncle Iroh. I better find something more valuable to bribe people with. Me wonders what me could provide...
 

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You can get those cubes for 99p inc shipping on eBay (no idea how the sellers manage that). How much are you currently paying per signup? Worth giving them away completely free?
 
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You can get those cubes for 99p inc shipping on eBay (no idea how the sellers manage that). How much are you currently paying per signup? Worth giving them away completely free?

I need to charge something to get people into the trial... otherwise I'm just getting free members, which is pointless IMO. I want paying members LOL (me focused).

Hmmz... I can give 'em away for £0.98 a pop. I'm buying them for around $5 a pop. Small loss upfront, but if they remain members then its def. worth it. Get in..... But I kinda feel like people are not taking up the offer because its "too expensive" at £4.99.

But I know marketers should never to assume, so I'll test it !
 

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Been trying to make this page convert: Get a FREE Anti-Stress Cube thus far only had 2 trial sign ups out of like 500 visitors. Targeting mobile phone users. Mainly women in the UK with stress/anxiety issues.

Personally I am stressed as heck right now and it doesn't grab me.

Now, you say "Mainly women in the UK with stress/anxiety issues". I guess you are
talking about your ads. Why don't you do it with your copy as well? Just call out your
market. "Here's How UK Women Beat The Pants Of Anxiety Attacks" or something
along those lines.

Finally, try to act like your target market every once in a while. You might not be a
woman, but you get stressed, right? When you do, how do you feel? What kind of
thoughts go through your head? Just experiencing what your market experiences will
give you tons of idea for headlines, bullet points, calls to action etc.

Cheers,

Fotis
 

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Created a new offer.... hopefully it will work better. So far, had 2 people sign up (cost me around $12 a pop to get them)... BUT... they cancelled their subscription right after they paid £5 for shipping (I've now lowered the price to £0.01 just to see what type of results I can get).

www.meditation-guru.com/supplement
 
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Totally ran out of passion to continue with this project. Managed to get 3 people to sign up for the trial, but ultimately only 1 person stayed on as a paying member - they still are.

Moved on to other things. Thanks for all the help. This was a uphill battle, and I didn't have the passion to keep pushing it.

When you have a good product and service it shouldn't be this hard to sell something.
 

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When you have a good product and service it shouldn't be this hard to sell something.
Just for the purpose of learning from your "mistakes," is it possible the product isn't good? I know you think it's good, and your website does look good, but what about potential customers? They probably don't think your product is good if they're not signing up. The only reason I say this is because I've read everywhere that a great product sells itself, although bad copy can stop people from finding out your product is great.

One tiny thing about your copy (again, for learning purposes only)...I would have explained what mindful meditation was at the top rather than making visitors click on a button. Also, it might have made sense to say what you're getting instant access to in the sub-headline.

RELIEVE YOUR ANXIETY
12-week program that eliminates anxiety for good

GET INSTANT ACCESS FOR FREE

Edit: I think what you needed was an offer. An offer so compelling that they have to sign up. Anyways, peace.
 

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Just for the purpose of learning from your "mistakes," is it possible the product isn't good? I know you think it's good, and your website does look good, but what about potential customers? They probably don't think your product is good if they're not signing up. The only reason I say this is because I've read everywhere that a great product sells itself, although bad copy can stop people from finding out your product is great.

One tiny thing about your copy (again, for learning purposes only)...I would have explained what mindful meditation was at the top rather than making visitors click on a button. Also, it might have made sense to say what you're getting instant access to in the sub-headline.

RELIEVE YOUR ANXIETY
12-week program that eliminates anxiety for good

GET INSTANT ACCESS FOR FREE

Edit: I think what you needed was an offer. An offer so compelling that they have to sign up. Anyways, peace.

You are right. The offer wasn't irresistible enough and the product itself isn't actually that good.
 
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