- Jul 8, 2008
When I first started speaking as a career I was told that I "didn't have certainty" -- and I argued about it because I thought I did. I was certain. I knew what I was talking about. I know the words I'm going to say. I know where this was going.Hmmm I see thanks for this it's given me a lot to consider.
In the cultures I'm aiming to reach moving the head side to side does mean no - although I'm not sure at this speed it means the same thing? Maybe subconsciously?
I understand what you mean by be careful of small movements, I'm going to have to look more into this. Thank you for the heads up for this - these kind of things are easy to miss!
Would be great to get @Kung Fu Steve 's input on this too, and as I said I'll have to look into this more! And maybe join toastmasters or something to learn more about speaking.
But I've since learned there are MANY levels of certainty.
I'm sure you've heard (just like everyone else on the planet), that our communication is only 7% the words we say, the rest is tonality and physiology.
If we were all sitting in a room and someone walked in who was extremely confident... would we know? (I'm going to hallucinate you're gonna say yes)
How do we know that? Because of the way they carry themselves. The way they are moving. They way they walk and breath and stand, even.
Watch old videos of Michael Jordan. When he stepped onto the court he was a stud and EVERYBODY knew it. THAT is certainty. When you KNOW the ball is going to go into the hoop. When you KNOW you're going to win. You just carry yourself differently and you subconsciously communicate differently.
Take this small bit for instance:
You're telling people "Here's the reason you can't finish what you start... and that is perfectionism..."
Even that point right there you're trying to hammer -- when you SAY perfectionism, there's a weakness in your vocal cords and a tightness in your neck. You're delivering the word but there's no certainty behind it.
You're trying to convince ME that perfectionism is my problem but it SOUNDS like you're trying to convince yourself. Does that make sense?
Even after 2,500 live events on stage I still need practice. I'm working on certainty every single day. First it has to show up internally. I have to believe the words that I'm saying. Then I have to demonstrate that belief externally.
Here's a good practice tool (and if you're up for recording it, put it up here and we can do more).
I want you to say the words "Click the button to subscribe now."
And the first couple of times (3 - 5 times) you say the sentence I want you to basically scream it like you're in prison and someone is about to shank you and the only way you'll be able to defend yourself is by being the loudest, strongest, and angriest.
The second couple times you say that sentence I want you to come from a place of begging and pleading. Really weak and wimpy.
Then the third time find the middle of that pendulum and say it with absolute certainty.
Key notes: absolute certainty is not this I BANG ON MY CHEST AND RAAA I'M SO CONFIDENT -- absolute certainty looks like resolve. Where you're so sure that the sky is blue you simply say "The sky is blue." -- THAT sort of resolve.
Click here now to subscribe.