Fvck relationships and friendships

[BellaPippin]

I'm just gonna add that every time you do something for someone else, do it without expecting anything in return. Always.
Every time you start feeling resentful, you did it wrong.
Instead, when you have the urge, do something for yourself and fill the "be nice to myself" tank instead. The energy you spend doing stuff for others and waiting for it to be reciprocated, use it on yourself. The power shifts and the people that are worth keeping will start showing up on their own.

Also I feel the same, and I only found like minded people in here. A lot of us did. Don't even waste time discussing with square heads or trying to change them.

I have way more satisfying, less often interactions over WhatsApp with people from this forum than anyone at work or "acquaintances", excluding my BF and two BFFs, which is the reason they are what they are.

 

[Simon Angel]

Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?

Your create your own reality, so this is just another limiting belief. It's true that most people lack self-esteem and aren't true friends, but not all people are like that.

You said "It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are." which not only automatically makes it become so (refer to my first sentence) but also shows that you're chasing and seeking out others rather than the other way around. Just focus on your goals and yourself, definitely get the dog and hang out with it outside and your phone will be buzzing soon enough. However, you will likely no longer wish to associate with these people.

 

[Johnny boy]

There's billions of people in the world.

There's awesome people who will support you and think you're the shit. They'll make life awesome

There's terrible people who will backstab you, make you feel like crap, and tell you that you suck. They'll make life a little worse.

Intentionally replace every shitty person with awesome people and have high standards for who you associate with.

When I was about 18 I just decided that every time I came across someone who didn't like me, didn't believe in what I believed for myself, or didn't support me, they were dead to me.

I only associated with people who were going to be absolutely on my side. It was that way with friends, girls, customers and employees.

Get used to the word "next". I say it internally every time I see too much negative behavior from someone.

There's awesome people out there, don't do THEM a disservice by letting shitty people take up a space in your life that could be filled by someone better. You are actively denying a great girlfriend by accepting a bitchy girlfriend. You are actively denying a great friend by accepting a friend who disrespects you. You are actively denying a great customer by appeasing a Karen. You are actively denying a great employee by letting the shit employees stay at your company.

It isn't easy. You'll come to expect that many people you meet will be "nexted". But it's worth it I promise you. Start going through life saying "are these people good enough for me?" and be willing to replace them.

I've replaced countless friends, girls, customers and employees because I KNOW that there's awesome ones out there just waiting to meet me, and I'm going to find them. It's my belief that for my business, there's hundreds of thousands of people who would make great customers and would fit our business, and there's thousands of people who would make great employees. Now I just have to go get all of them and bring them in.

Most people do sleepwalk through life, there's still people who don't. You are not alone. You're just thinking that you should pick your friends by whoever is closest to you. Just meet more people and get used to rejecting friendships and relationships that aren't helping you succeed.

 

[SteveO]

Good advice so far.

You can live your life and accomplish what you desire without worrying about others. If you feel hurt by others, you are worrying about the wrong things.

 

[eliquid]

I have to disagree with some statements on this post that "people are good" or that "generally people are good".

No.

People typically are selfish, immature, bad decision makers, won't admit when they are wrong, and sheep. Most are also closed minded and can't think for themselves. That mix doesn't equal out to "good" or being good most times.

That leaves a small amount of people that are not that. Or are at different levels of those stages who might be "bearable".

Finding the "gems" or the "awesome people" or the real "friends" then becomes very difficult. But like all great things in this world, nothing is easy.

It's part of the reason divorce is so high now days. Why finding good business partners is so hard. Why workplaces are so toxic at many employers. Why so many people have 1,000's of social media "friends" but in real life have less than 5.

The world is a pretty shitty place the majority of the time. The world = people.

Don't believe me? Try being homeless for 90 days or more. Sure you run across some gems, but what's the majority treating you like?

I've adopted a policy personally that you have to earn your way into my circle for friendship or a relationship. Earning to me probably isn't what it is to you though. This is how I find awesome people.

Trust me, the gate is narrow folks.

 

[Tom H.]

I have more than a few meaningful, satisfying relationships; I've put myself in unique life circumstances where I have contact with interesting people who are committed to bettering themselves.

Do more interesting, meaningful things and you'll find yourself surrounded by a different calibre of people.

 

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[BizyDad]

Yes and no. Let's be real here. Most people are idiots and are sheep that will follow the crowd. Case in point. If a sports team loses a lot most fans will either stop following them or be depressed. If a business is ablut to fail watch all the employees quit and get a better job. People aren't as loyal as we want them to be. They go with the winner. Same with women. If you lose your job or become a general loser they will not stick around and go for something better. It's human nature and no ideological view will change that. I've tried to be mr positive but it's a fairy tale. People are mean and selfish and will kick you if your down if they have the power to (not everyone but most will)

Fine. After four pages, fine. Like you said, "let's be real here".

Live with this worldview. Keep being negative or cynical.

The whole moral of this story you told is "stop being a loser and go out and be a winner".

A woman will stand by her man if he loses his job. She wants to support him and be there when things turn around. But if he loses his will? Just eats cheetos and watches netflix? Yeah, that strays into loser territory and she doesn't want that.

(This is actually a bad analogy because there's plenty of women that stick by loser men. Sheesh. But let's pretend you're right.)

Sports fans will stand by their team if they have a bad year. Or a bad few years. As long as they feel like the team is making progress towards winning. Sports fans abandon teams when they feel like there's just no hope of ever being good.

(This is actual a bad analogy because the Cleveland Browns, New York Knicks, Miami Marlins, Washington football team, etc all still have fans, even after over a decade of losing. But okay, let's keep pretending your right.)

So what's the difference between a winner and a good player? It's attitude. It's the mental game.

What's the difference between Allen Iverson and Kobe Bryant (drafted at the same time, both fierce competitors, both became legends)? Kobe wanted it more.

Don't believe me? Here, read this story from Allen himself and tell me I'm wrong.

Allen Iverson shares his heartfelt feelings on Kobe Bryant's death

Today has not been easy. With the tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his 13-year-old daughter, Gianna and seven others in a helicopter crash Sunday, it doesn’t seem like things will ever be normal again. Players and people across all platforms, countries and backgrounds have been expressing their...

www.nbcsports.com

Mamba mentality Roark.

Look at tennis. Physically speaking, there isn't much difference between the top ranked player and the 100th ranked player. They all hit the ball really hard, they all have quick reflexes, etc. The mental game is the difference. (Malcolm Gladwell writes about this in I forget what book)

What made Michael Jordan different from all of the other "he's the next Michael Jordan's"? The mental game.

All these winners have haters. All these winners have people that have given up on them. They have it even worse.

All these winners have people trying to bring them down. Constantly!

Think about that.

You think you got problems? Try actually being at the top of something.

I can't help but feel like you sound a little scared to reach the top. Cuz it's lonely at the top? Or like people won't love the real you, just the winner part of you? I mean, I know I felt that way years ago.I hope you're not being disempowered by this like I was.

But the mental game isn't about impressing other people or even worrying about other people. Don't empower the haters.

The lion does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep. (Yes, I just quoted a Lannister.)

The mental game is about getting your mind right. So go get your mind right.

A lot of people have tried to give you advice here, and you ain't taking it.

So go figure out how to be a winner. I know you can do this.

You also might want to study up on how to be a leader. Being in business is hard. And your attitude is going to make it harder. Life is hard. And your attitude is going to make it harder.

Here's the bottom line -- who in the world do I need to impress at the point in my life? Frankly, in this moment I just don't give a damn.

Read that again. Who do you need to impress Roark?

I'll tell you who. Yourself.

Dedicate yourself to that for a long while. Keep believing this non sense, keep being mr negative, and let it fuel you like MJ getting cut from high school bball. (Seriously, even after his first three-peat, he still used that as fuel. That's ludicrous. Tom Brady is still pissed he dropped to the sixth round in the draft after he got benched at Michigan. That was 20 years ago Tom! Apparently winners do not let things go easily...)

Go become the winner you obviously want to be. Adopt a winner's attitude. Adopt a winner's beliefs. Adopt a winner's work ethic.

And fire yourself up and go out and do things that really really REALLY impresses the crap out of you.

And then go do something cooler than that.

Like Kobe, find yourself working on your craft while other people are out at the club.

... I'm wiser now. I let myself be hurt because I was naieve to how the world works

That's just going to keep happening buddy. You know this. Even the strongest people in this thread get hurt by other people from time to time. That's the bad news.

The good news is you're going to keep learning and adjusting and keep getting wiser.

I know you will. You know you will.

You started with this thought:

I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously.

You're right. Do it! Work on yourself. Do it to the maximum.

If you do this to its fullest, I promise you years from now you'll realize the only thing you were wrong about is this: you are not going to die in your bed alone.

You will find true loyalty and true friendship. You'll find your Allen Iverson. Your Pau Gasol. You'll find your family.

Heck, my family started with a dog too, so there's that. Fun fact - Cynic meant dog like in ancient Greece.

 

[SteveO]

Of all the people that responded to this post, you only liked/ thanked one person. I wonder if you did not like anyone else's input or simply did not appreciate it.

 

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[S.Y.]

Of all the people that responded to this post, you only liked/ thanked one person. I wonder if you did not like anyone else's input or simply did not appreciate it.

"One who seeks friendship for favourable occasions, strips it of all its nobility"
Seneca
--

Some people just want to rant... They want to complain. And they don't want to be accountable nor take ownership.

Which is unfortunate.

To OP, there are many good replies. And I will take a different angle and add this: get over yourself and your ego.

Give without expecting something in return.

I don't see friendships as doing something with the expectations of getting something equal in return.

Some of my friends are lazy as F*ck. But when we get together, it is always full of laughter. And is a very good time.

We don't talk all the time. But when it comes to the important moments - good and bad - they are here. And that matters a lot to me.

Would I drop them because they are lazy?

Hell no.

In terms of efforts, I probably put more to reach out and see how they are doing. But I don't even think about it.

Am I mad or sad that I put more effort? No. I take ownership of my relationships.

Go and build a strong key circle, 5 people that you will be in touch with daily, that share your values.

Don't go building "friendships" expecting equal effort back. That is not a friendship at all. That's debt.

For all those other people that don't matter, don't spend time thinking about them.

--
"It is silly to try to escape other people's faults. Just try and escape your one." - Marcus Aurelius

 

[Tourmaline]

The rich rarely are made alone.

 

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[WJK]

Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?

This is a very hard lesson that comes as a growing pain. When most people hit this social wall, they quit striving. They can't stand the social rejection.

It goes like this... when a guy gets promoted, his past pals reject him both at work and socially. He doesn't fit in. They don't invite him out for beers anymore. If he shows up they quit talking and it's a very awkward moment. Everyone gets up and leaves or the guy who got the promotion leaves. They have a vested interest in pulling that guy back down to their level.

My father had an interesting saying that applies here. "Water finds its own level." In other words, this too shall pass. You're in a awkward moment where you don't fit into your old crowd and you haven't proved yourself enough to fit into the level that you are achieving.

So, here my advice for your discomfort. Work on yourself and your program. Be kind to people who are trying to pull you down. They are green-eyed-jealous. They don't see the work and the planning that has gone into you making your moves. They don't see the failures and the cost that you have paid. If they could see your path and emulate you, they would be doing it. You can afford to be thoughtful and kind. That does NOT imply that you should stop your program or let them derail you. Keep going.

If you must have love and attention right now, get a big, slobbery dog. That dog will be happy to see no matter what kind of day you have. By the way, the air is thin and it's rather lonely at the top.

 

[eliquid]

Its funny because I disagree with you; I think people are amazing. But then again I have very few friends, and about a billion acquaintences that I keep at arms length.

Think about this though - how many amazing things have been invented, built, created?

Lots right?

How many of those things were created by you?

Ohhh shit, looks like the whole "people are f*cked" paradigm is all in your head eh.

Focus on finding good things and maybe you'll see them.

Someone that built something, created something, or invented something does not equal a good or nice person/friend. No matter how amazing that thing might be, that doesn't cross over to them being a "better" person than someone that didn't invent or build something.

Steve Jobs built some amazing "stuff".

He was a pretty shitty person though to most people.

 

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[WJK]

I have to disagree with some statements on this post that "people are good" or that "generally people are good".

No.

People typically are selfish, immature, bad decision makers, won't admit when they are wrong, and sheep. Most are also closed minded and can't think for themselves. That mix doesn't equal out to "good" or being good most times.

That leaves a small amount of people that are not that. Or are at different levels of those stages who might be "bearable".

Finding the "gems" or the "awesome people" or the real "friends" then becomes very difficult. But like all great things in this world, nothing is easy.

It's part of the reason divorce is so high now days. Why finding good business partners is so hard. Why workplaces are so toxic at many employers. Why so many people have 1,000's of social media "friends" but in real life have less than 5.

The world is a pretty shitty place the majority of the time. The world = people.

Don't believe me? Try being homeless for 90 days or more. Sure you run across some gems, but what's the majority treating you like?

I've adopted a policy personally that you have to earn your way into my circle for friendship or a relationship. Earning to me probably isn't what it is to you though. This is how I find awesome people.

Trust me, the gate is narrow folks.

How sad for you to have such a low opinion of other people and the larger world. Yes, everyone is self interested on some level. Yes, everyone can be jerks. And we are both included in those failings. But, our challenge is to find the good part in ourselves and in others. Then we can chose to bring out that good.

You talk about being homeless. I helped start the first shelter in the Greater Los Angeles area for homeless women and their children. Before, no one would take the kids -- only adult women. I was chairman of the board for 5 years. During my participation, we helped about 5,000 women and 8,000 kids.

Today I deal with homeless issues on a regular basis through my residential units. Last month, it was disabled, senior couple who were just about to become homeless. The husband has had multiple strokes and the wife has emotional problems. They are moving into a bigger unit this week. This month we just moved in a guy who was homeless veteran. He's had to have both of his feet amputated. It took the cooperation of the State housing agency, his VA case worker, his State case worker, a local charity and me. We're not sure that he can live on his own, but we all worked together to let him try. Over half of my tenants are either disabled or seniors -- or both. And other tenants have kids -- lots of kids.

It's true. Sometimes people (some that I have helped) are mean to me. At those moments, I just hang on to the good times. I make the choice to not let them get me down -- and yes, it is my choice. Getting me upset doesn't hurt them at all. It only hurts me.

Start by loving yourself. Then help someone around you. Your view of other and the greater world is primarily a reflection of yourself.

 

[BellaPippin]

Mind inviting me to the what's app group? Been looking for something like that

I believe the general group is for summit attenders since we know each other in person...also I'm not in the general one so I can't invite. Start forging relationships here first, people get together for accountability buddies and calls all the time!

 

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[James Klymus]

These are the same friends that are "with you bro" when your up and will laugh at you with your down. thats not a real friend what you describe.

Part of growing up is realizing that "people should like me for just being me" is a bunch of Disney BS. Sure people who laugh at you while you are down are shitty, but the notion of "people should like me just because I'm me" is going to get you nowhere in life, and if you pursue entrepreneurship seriously, you will fail miserably with that attitude.

"Why doesn't anyone want to buy my product? I made it myself and i think it's great!" "Why doesn't that girl like me, Who cares if I work a job for $18/hour and have no real career path, She should like me because i exist!"

sorry but its people like you who see the surface i cant really stand and further proves my point.

I think you want the world to be how YOU want it to be, and you aren't looking at the world for what it ACTUALLY is. Nobody owes you anything for just existing, and no one will "just be there for you." Enough of the Hollywood idealistic bs dude. Build an awesome life for your self so that you don't have to complain on a forum that you can't keep people in your life.

 

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[Mutant]

I've been in there - in a dark place where everyone lets you down. It is eye opening & not especially pleasant. But like many things in life, one's perspective is paramount.
Whilst I was having my "eyes opened" I made sure to take a look at myself too & learn the lessons I needed to learn out of it - where I'd also gone wrong.

Then I did something about it.

Do you believe that - in amongst all the many, many people that suck - there are gems? People that are fun & interesting in the good times, & there for you in the bad times? People that are like minded? People that actively avoid drama rather than stirring things up needlessly? People with integrity?

If you don't, well, you won't have to look far for proof that you're right, & you can just get on with whatever existence you have planned for yourself.

If however you believe they're out there somewhere, well then your job is to find them & nurture those relationships.

I knew the kind of people I was after were niche, & so I upped my odds by being in a big city. It's not just a numbers game either - I wanted ambitious people who were doing something with their lives, so I embraced London - the centre of almost all industries in this country (& for a country roughly the size of Louisiana (England) or Oregon (the UK) we're certainly punching above our weight internationally too). Depending on where you are, moving could be helpful. So could the internet.

I also checked my expectations. I don't rely on any single person for everything - even in a romantic relationship. I have different friends for different interests, different activities (partying? philosophising? hitting various activities? industry strategising? Sure there's some overlap, but I have different crowds for each). Plus, when you are down, realise you can be draining (we all can) & by cultivating a whole group of friends (who are there for you), you can allow each to support you in turn.

Yes it takes energy, & there's times in my life when I have more of that or less of that & I adjust my actions accordingly. I also expect my friends to do similar. This means there will be periods where I'm mainly the one reaching out. I've made my peace with that. Some eventually drift away with no drama. One of the hallmarks of a good friendship though is when you do reconnect with someone, it can be like you spoke only yesterday. For the most part though, my friends are now solid friends of many years. And I'm still making new ones.

There's nothing quite like connecting with a similar brain. I think it's one of the main joys in life.

Even if the kind of people you get on with are very, very niche, it is possible to fill your world with them. I have.
And I enjoy my little bubble.

 

[Roark666]

Been feeling pessimistic about people lately. Most people sleep walk through life and aren't even aware the ways they are being hurtful or neglectful in relationships or friendships. Even if you do find a friend if you become more successful than them 99% of the time they will get jealous and try to bring you down. If your a hard worker you put effort into everything. It seems like I'm putting more effort in my relationships than others are. I don't even think others aren't because they don't like me but because they are just lazy. I find most people like this. I'm done. I'm honestly thinking of just getting a dog and working on myself and dying on my bed alone. Seriously. Anyone else feel like this?

 

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[Ismail941]

If it is the wrong people = It is gonna cost you - Cut them off
If it is the right people = treasure it, make them business partner, study together, build something entrepreneurial stuff, solve a problem in the marketplace, etc

filter/refine it out by respecting your time value, not people.

 

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[Deleted78083]

I am a millennial, and I pretty much agree. I never understood why I'm this way, but it sucks.

I don't especially like the guy, but he has a point:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU



In a nutshell, bad parenting + participation medal + technology = bunch of impatient people that want it all without putting in the world. Also I think we are deeply afraid to commit to think but we have been drugged with options, and committing is saying no to options.

I am a millennial too, I clearly recognize myself in that, although I am, I'd say, more patient and more willing to put in the work, BUT under one condition: it needs to be for people I care about (working for friends and family, for money or not), or work in which I am my own boss. The big faceless company i have been working for for three days is already getting on my nerves, and it's not "8 months" I'll take to quit, but 8 weeks.

Sometimes I wish a foreign army invaded my country, so that I'd have something to really fight for. Truth is, I'm so comfy, that while I am investing the work into a fastlane business, I could do 3x or 4x time more. But it's not like the house was burning so.... I kinda hate that tbh.

 

[maverick]

I'm just gonna add that every time you do something for someone else, do it without expecting anything in return. Always.
Every time you start feeling resentful, you did it wrong.
Instead, when you have the urge, do something for yourself and fill the "be nice to myself" tank instead. The energy you spend doing stuff for others and waiting for it to be reciprocated, use it on yourself. The power shifts and the people that are worth keeping will start showing up on their own.

Also I feel the same, and I only found like minded people in here. A lot of us did. Don't even waste time discussing with square heads or trying to change them.

I have way more satisfying, less often interactions over WhatsApp with people from this forum than anyone at work or "acquaintances", excluding my BF and two BFFs, which is the reason they are what they are.

This.

Reach out to people you haven't spoken to in a while. Just ask them how they're doing and remind them of what bonded you (e.g. old work colleagues / friends). Don't expect anything in return. In reflection, it might become obvious that you might not have been the best friend to them.

Also, don't project your reality onto others. Your goals / aspirations / capabilities will differ from your friends. And that's okay.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I have to disagree with some statements on this post that "people are good" or that "generally people are good".

No.

People typically are selfish, immature, bad decision makers, won't admit when they are wrong, and sheep. Most are also closed minded and can't think for themselves. That mix doesn't equal out to "good" or being good most times.

Amen.

Most humans are blind sheep, incapable of questioning whatever the television tells them.



You'd think we were in an enlightened age, but I assure you we aren't. The Milgram Experiment is a prime example, 200 years ago, 100 years ago, 50 years ago, and 5 months ago... it doesn't matter. Humans haven't changed in centuries and are still puppets to their lizard brains and whatever they see fit to feed it. (Case in point: Smartphone addiction).

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/the-milgram-experiment-why-you-must-always-question-authority.95714/

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

Having a clear understanding of the majority helps one to treasure the minority much more intensely.

Furthermore, knowing what most people act like does not prohibit one from forgiving them for those acts.

The OP would be wise from studying forgiveness and disentangling himself from such negative emotions while also developing boundaries that lead to the formation of mutually giving relationships.

 

[eliquid]

To add...most "bad" people are unintentionally that way. They just don't know any better. So the saying "generally people are good" means in general people want to be good

I get what you're saying.

But unintentional or not, does it matter?

If they WANT to be good, but still ACT and DO bad, does it matter?

-

I'm sure the convicted pedophile down the street really wants to be good.

Does that mean I'm allowing my daughters to start a relationship with him. A friendship maybe?

Does that mean I going to do it? Allow them a bit into my world and privacy?

Yeah, don't think so.

The world doesn't care what you want. Why?

Because it's full of the type of people I explained earlier about in my post that you are trying to defend. So wanting doesn't count for anything. It's the action in the end.

I'm sure the 5x known homewrecker my wife knows would really like to do good. Wants to do good. Would you think my wife should start a relationship with her/friendship with her? Hint: Prob not.

The world doesn't care what anyone wants.

Want = who cares.

If the old saying is true, "you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around most", then I'm trying to NOT hang around people that are making mistakes and causing issues and doing the things I pointed out above earlier.

.

 

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[StrikingViper69]

I'm sure the 5x known homewrecker my wife knows would really like to do good. Wants to do good. Would you think my wife should start a relationship with her/friendship with her? Hint: Prob not.

The world doesn't care what anyone wants.

Want = who cares.

If the old saying is true, "you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around most", then I'm trying to NOT hang around people that are making mistakes and causing issues and doing the things I pointed out above earlier.

.

I figured out, slightly later than I should have, that a good way to see a persons character is to look at their friends.

 

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[WJK]

If you don't know anyone there yet then you can't possibly know that everyone there has no integrity.

My dad used to tell a story about the old man who sat at the gates of a city. There was a beggar boy there sitting close to him. A couple walked up and asked what kind of people lived in the city. The old man asked what people are like where they came from. The couple talked about how bad they were -- liars, thieves, rotten to the core... The old man replied that people inside the gates were the same. They'd better look for another place to live. The couple trudged off to find another home. A second couple walked up to the old man with the same question and the old man asked them his question. They replied how wonderful the people were in their old home. They talked about how kind and wonderful the people were that they left behind. The old man stepped aside and ushered them in while explaining that the people in the city were similar. They would make wonderful new neighbors. After the second couple went into the city, the beggar boy confronted the old man's answers. Both of these statements couldn't be true since they were talking about the same people in the same city. The old man replied to beggar boy in one sentence, saying, "You find whatever you look for."

 

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[Deleted50669]

Finding good people is rare and befriending them takes time.

Idk how old you are, but millennials have been highlighted as a generation that is incapable to form friendships.

I believe this to be true.

I am a millennial, and I pretty much agree. I never understood why I'm this way, but it sucks.

 

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[Deleted50669]

I don't especially like the guy, but he has a point:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU



In a nutshell, bad parenting + participation medal + technology = bunch of impatient people that want it all without putting in the world. Also I think we are deeply afraid to commit to think but we have been drugged with options, and committing is saying no to options.

I am a millennial too, I clearly recognize myself in that, although I am, I'd say, more patient and more willing to put in the work, BUT under one condition: it needs to be for people I care about (working for friends and family, for money or not), or work in which I am my own boss. The big faceless company i have been working for for three days is already getting on my nerves, and it's not "8 months" I'll take to quit, but 8 weeks.

Sometimes I wish a foreign army invaded my country, so that I'd have something to really fight for. Truth is, I'm so comfy, that while I am investing the work into a fastlane business, I could do 3x or 4x time more. But it's not like the house was burning so.... I kinda hate that tbh.

I certainly agree with the drugged by options bit. The easiest way to cause someone anxiety is to introduce ambiguity into a decision.

I wouldn't necessarily align with the "afraid of putting in work" logic. I work a full time job then work 6 hours a night on my fastlane project. The real issue to me is self-doubt, or a lack of belief in process. The poison of comparison starts to say "This other guy has better funding, or beat you to the market, so you've got no shot" when in reality it doesn't matter if he takes 95% of the market, because 5% could be 10 million dollars. I think millennials tend not to be logical thinkers, there is a preference for fear and/or excuses. I've had to have someone smack me into my senses more than once because of that bad habit.

 

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[JDE]

Your reality is heavily influenced by your mood, meaning the worse of a mood you're in the more likely you are to be pessimistic about any topic, including about other people like in this thread.

We can debate all day on an intellectual level about whether people are good or bad or lazy or stupid but sometimes all you have to do is just go have some fvucking fun and do something you enjoy, and all of a sudden you can't even believe you wasted so much time ruminating about whatever negative thing you're caught up in.

Being in a negative mood is like being wasted, the stupid things you're doing and thinking makes sense at the time when you're caught up in it but once you're on the other side and sober again you can't even believe the dumb shit your negative mood/mind tricked you into believing.

The best thing you said in this thread was that you were putting a lot of energy into your relationships - good - keep doing that. There's not a single area in your life more important to get handled than your relationships with other people, at least if you intend to be happy.

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone – but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-old study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness...

www.ted.com

 

[Kybalion]

Sounds lewd.
Whilst fvuking friends may be ok in your book, I'd strongly advise against doing that to the dog.

I'll play the devil's advocate here and say ''just do it''

 

[S.Y.]

I'm far from perfect. In fact I'm sure some friends have thought that way about me. It's just that I've been let down so many times as every human like they said is imperfect. Maybe I don't know how to form strong relationships. A business, your body, your life I can do and know how to create success. But relationships? I don't know how. What if on my end I am doing everythi g right and give but the other person just takes? Other people are too rand to put my happiness on them. At least with a dog you can always know it'll love you unconditionally

The issue is right there. You are looking for happiness in people. You are not really looking to build relationships, you are looking for approval.

"What if on my end I am doing everythi g right and give but the other person just takes?". You take pleasure in giving. And you move on.

Question @Roark666, what's wrong with just giving? The theme in your posts on this thread is: "if I give, I should get something in return. If I don't, I should not give".

And actually, aren't you "taking" from the forum now without "giving" in return for the answers here?