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From depression to Financial freedom...is there hope?

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Christygruber124

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Tonight, I sit at my computer depressed, dreading another day at my 9-5 job. I hate retail. Being mostly deaf and partially blind, I have no hope of progressing. Though my hearing has improved significantly thanks to my cochlear implant, and though I consider myself loyalty and one of the few that cares about my work and likes to learn, I have no hope of moving forward. I look at other associates who learned the things i wanted to learn and became department managers. While, I have no desire to be a department manager, at the same time I want to for the experience and a higher pay. I get looked over every time, and I really believe that it's because I am unable to move as fast as they like me to. I can't help that really. They act like they want to help me and encourage me towards becoming a department manager but turn around over look me like I don't exist. To my face they say I"m doing a great job, but I"m not sure they are being truthful. I'd prefer they look me straight in the eye and be honest, "No, you won't be a manager because you are not able to move at the speed we need you to move. Or something like that. IN all reality though, I have observed what department managers and I know that in the long run I probably couldn't handle it. I just want someone to be straight with me instead of encouraging me when they know there's no hope. Or give me other options instead of leaving me hanging.

With that said, I want to quit my job because I'm sick of it. I want to stay home and learn new skills so I can create and move towards becoming an entrepreneur and become financially free. I'm sick of being on government welfare and of being dependent on family to have a place over my head.

I want my own home, a dog, and access to public transportation or hire a driver that can get me to where I want to go.

What else do I want?
I want to inspire, motivate. I want to share my weight loss journey to inspire those with and without disabilities. I want to share my love of video games and sports by creating video games, collecting retro games such as commodore 64, gameboys etc. I want to create different types of YouTube channels that involves video games, tutorials, heow to use a pc or fix it. I want to show people that it is possible for anyone to be financially free even teachers, sales associates and so forth. I want to show people resources that can help them get to where they want to go. I want to do book reviews or share with my audience what I've learned from books such as Millionaire Fastlane, 6 months to 6 figures, etc. I want to write books with a Christian theme from Science Fiction to romance to sports.

I have many ideas, it's difficult to settle on a niche and focus on that one thing. I have so many questions and fears of stealing other people's ideas or be disrespectful to my religious beliefs in some way. In the sci-fi genre, I don't feel like I know enough or read enough books to write an effective story involving space battles, tech and so forth.

Over the last two years, I have brought many courses and wanted to devour them, but I am overwhelmed. One common theme is finding a niche and focusing on that one thing, but i don't know what that is. Or maybe I do but I have trouble focusing and staying focus on that because I'm impatient and want to do so many things at once such as weight loss journey, learning a new programming language etc. Some of the courses I brought was from Peter Vogd, to SEan Cannell's VRA courses and a few Udemy programming language courses. I applied for Fox's web design course but don't know if that's for me as I haven't heard anything from them yet.

Recently, I felt the need to learn Python, however, a fellow fastlane forum member suggested I learn c# and unity to create apps. I do want to learn both.

I apologize for my long post and moaning. I understand that I am responsible for my actions. I am responsible for the choices I made that got me here. It's hard not to get depressed thinking if only over the last 20 years. I'm responsible for the choices I make tonight, tomorrow and the next night. It's hard to break old habits though. For example, at work, I listen to books such as scriptures, and recently the Millionaire Fastlane. I get determined that I was going to learn something that very night. However, by the end of the day I feel drained, and I end up hiding behind video games because it's so much easier and more fun to play video games then to try and learn something new that will help me get to where I want to go. Especially since as mentioned I'm overwhelmed. (but that will only make me more depressed over time.)

Thank you for listening. I welcome any advice. Though it I k if some were to respond they might say:

Get off your butt, write down what you want, write your goals down, make a plan, pick one thing, focus on that one thing, be accountable, stop making excuses. Do what you need to do and stop hiding behind those flippin' video games! Turn off the playstation and learn how to program you dimwit!
**
So i guess what it all comes down to this. How do I focus on learning a programming language when I want to write this story, make that video about this or that, do my weight loss journey video, complete this course from the above mentioned courses?

One final note: I chose programming because it was something I wanted to learn when I was in HIgh School but I allowed fear and lack of knolwedge to keep me from continuijng it. I learned Visual Basic and C++ in the 90s. But I made choices that kept me from continuing that thread. I remember in HIgh School, I always wanted to work for NASA and help them go back into space and travel to other planets. That was why I wanted to learn how to create programs. I still do.

Thanks again for listening. Peace. (If this is in the wrong thread please feel free to move it!)
 

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sparechange

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Welcome to the forum!

Take small steps, in my own personal experience (depression etc) You are 100% overthinking things. Do a small thing, when you think about learning some coding, make a promise to yourself that you will do X or Y activity for at least 1 or 2 hours a day, it's really all about baby steps. Making a small consistent action will eventually become a habit.

So don't think you need to just kill it and work day and night at once, gradually build up to that point, maybe indulge in some video games as a reward for action taking behaviors (at the end of the day/weekend)

If it's within reason financially... dump the job and find something else if it's draining your soul.

And focus on providing value, improving a product or service, whatever your ideas are. Don't make the common mistake of pursuing passions (like creating a Youtube Chanel about video games etc)

If you forget all that, atleast remember this.

No matter how bad, hard, miserable your situation is, someone else in the world would be happy to trade places with you. A starving child in a 3rd world country, someone that lives in a war torn country that is constantly getting blown up, or someone that has no access to clean water.

Good luck on the journey!
 

socaldude

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Sorry to hear your struggle with depression Christy. Stay in control and pray to god for help in superseding your current cognitive structure.

I too was broke and depressed and living with my parents. I lost myself in philosophy and economics books. Even some logic and linguistics books. Little by little one regains their awareness and sees what they are doing wrong and takes the steps to fix those aspects of our cognition that lacks clarity.

You ultimately need a new metalearning model, metalearning is a sub branch of metacognition. It’s inverting intelligence to see what’s wrong with our thinking. It might help you with your lack of motivation and progress in learning. I personally keep hand written journals of my intelligence analysis. I call them “records”.
 
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LordGanon

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While I struggle with some similar issues, I wanted to tell you a true story about an inspiring individual I once met.

The guy was almost as blind as a mole from birth, and he drank so much that at some point, he wasn't able to move on his own anymore because of the damage to the nervous system. His memory was gone, he was almost always confused and disoriented. His addiction had literally crippled him.

Cognitive impairment and even dementia caused by alcohol abuse is common. And in most cases, it is not reversible.

Seven years later, he was the head of a small coaching and consulting empire. He really pulled himself out by his own hair. He had no mentionable formal education and was homeless. He made his disability his advantage. Because he couldn't "see" and thereby read people, he had developed other methods for doing so, which proved very useful to his clients. He is a multimillionaire by now.

I'm not saying that disability isn't a disadvantage. But it is one that can be overcome. And you didn't hear it from some life coach, you heard it from someone who actually met someone who did it.

And I can promise you one thing: It's not the money that is going to make you happy or cure your depression. I had money. It made me very depressed. Or at least the way I made it. And while I worked in psychiatry (yes, I later worked in the psychiatry I was a former patient at), I met so many rich and famous people who were miserable, you wouldn't believe it. Stars, starlets, entrepreneurs.
 

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