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- Dec 14, 2014
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I had an odd experience yesterday. Maybe more of an observation than an experience, but it's been on my mind so I want to throw it on the table.
I was heading to pick up some printing and called a prospective client to follow up on my hopefully budding business relationship. I knew my point of contact was there and the owner probably was not so it was a good time for a short contact. She is the employee who will benefit most directly to her boss buying. As I pulled into the printer's parking lot I made what should have been a two minute call to find out if she and the boss had discussed my proposal before I called him on Monday.
Next thing I know I'm listening to this woman go on and on about her ex husband, her teen aged kids and her blah blah blah. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is EXACTLY the crap women tell guys who they are planning on NOT sleeping with. In my youth I sat and listened to how terrible the guys who were banging the girls I was listening to were... in hopes they would like me enough to sleep with me...but it doesn't work like that. This isn't a lesson I read from some pick up "guru" this is what I learned by being a nice guy. I got "friend zoned" and learned the low value of it. When I realized that I was resentful of this woman bleeding on me like a .... you get the picture..... I politely got off the phone. It was 11 minutes of being treated like her buddy, not like professional contact. I felt like my time would have been better spent rubbing one out.
Now, moving back to the non sexual context of my interaction with this woman. I'm not trying to bed her, I'm trying to sell her company a service. Still, I'm not going to be a tampon. Once I got the realization that brought back old memories of frustration, I got off the phone and decided to re evaluate this prospect. Maybe I'm reacting to past pain, but I'm uncomfortable so no matter the "real" reason I'm seriously considering dropping the prospect. I recognized that I'm wasting my time with my current approach strategy. While I'm not a young, single guy looking for action; there is a clear analogy in my mind. I let this woman steer the agenda away from the deal I'm trying to close toward her personal desire to have a guy listen to what A-holes the guys she sleeps with are. This has happened over the course of the times I've been to her office (thus I know about current and past relationships, because I've been friend-zoned). She and I are close to the same age (she's not unattractive) and I suspect this may be part of how she interacts with men. Or at least men who let her steer the conversation and play her way.
Anybody (particularly people in sales) have any thoughts on this? Is my analogy of "friend zone" where you get no sex to a friend zone where you aren't selling viable? Should I just suck it up and listen to this crap to get to the business? Because I'm NOT ok with that. I'm sure that I am at least in part reacting to old perceived slights, but I'm trying to work my game not play her game.
I was heading to pick up some printing and called a prospective client to follow up on my hopefully budding business relationship. I knew my point of contact was there and the owner probably was not so it was a good time for a short contact. She is the employee who will benefit most directly to her boss buying. As I pulled into the printer's parking lot I made what should have been a two minute call to find out if she and the boss had discussed my proposal before I called him on Monday.
Next thing I know I'm listening to this woman go on and on about her ex husband, her teen aged kids and her blah blah blah. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is EXACTLY the crap women tell guys who they are planning on NOT sleeping with. In my youth I sat and listened to how terrible the guys who were banging the girls I was listening to were... in hopes they would like me enough to sleep with me...but it doesn't work like that. This isn't a lesson I read from some pick up "guru" this is what I learned by being a nice guy. I got "friend zoned" and learned the low value of it. When I realized that I was resentful of this woman bleeding on me like a .... you get the picture..... I politely got off the phone. It was 11 minutes of being treated like her buddy, not like professional contact. I felt like my time would have been better spent rubbing one out.
Now, moving back to the non sexual context of my interaction with this woman. I'm not trying to bed her, I'm trying to sell her company a service. Still, I'm not going to be a tampon. Once I got the realization that brought back old memories of frustration, I got off the phone and decided to re evaluate this prospect. Maybe I'm reacting to past pain, but I'm uncomfortable so no matter the "real" reason I'm seriously considering dropping the prospect. I recognized that I'm wasting my time with my current approach strategy. While I'm not a young, single guy looking for action; there is a clear analogy in my mind. I let this woman steer the agenda away from the deal I'm trying to close toward her personal desire to have a guy listen to what A-holes the guys she sleeps with are. This has happened over the course of the times I've been to her office (thus I know about current and past relationships, because I've been friend-zoned). She and I are close to the same age (she's not unattractive) and I suspect this may be part of how she interacts with men. Or at least men who let her steer the conversation and play her way.
Anybody (particularly people in sales) have any thoughts on this? Is my analogy of "friend zone" where you get no sex to a friend zone where you aren't selling viable? Should I just suck it up and listen to this crap to get to the business? Because I'm NOT ok with that. I'm sure that I am at least in part reacting to old perceived slights, but I'm trying to work my game not play her game.
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