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Fighting CV19: Please send thoughts and well wishes to Greg B (Runum)

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SteveBatt

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If you ever feel alone, know there are people here all over the world rooting for you. Before I went to bed last night you were in my thoughts for well wishes. Feel free to use the forum as your source for whatever connection you might need, if you need to vent, share some thoughts, or just have an outlet for your mind. No one should have to be alone while they battle illness, and we won't let it. That fact the you feel well enough to share your thoughts during your struggle gives me great hope you'll get through it!
I agree nothing worse than being on your own, sure everyone is here for you on the forum
 
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@Runum

Hey, I just saw this thread. Dear heart, you're going to be ok. Fear is the mind killer.. love casts out fear.

This past month, for 22 days, I stopped eating gummy bears (they're like crack to me) or drinking any alcohol or getting on social media or messaging any of my friends who live far away or even reading any books in English. I didn't know what was going to happen, I just knew I needed a break. I needed to be away from all the little things that make my life pumped full of little dopamine highs and figure out what my day could be like, overlooking the Mediterranean, married, taking care of the kids, just me being me.

It was weird af. I got a lot done. I stayed on track for all the courses I signed up for and I didn't have any mood swings. I paid attention to the weather, a lot. I was always present when my kids were talking. Don't hold your breath now, this story isn't has no exciting climax.

I prayed occasionally. I journaled very little. I started a specific Bible study that has you read four different sections of the Bible concurrently. (McCheyne's)

Mostly I just wondered a lot. And focused on breathing. Then, a bunch of really stressful things all happened that weren't under my control at all. We had to move (because neighbors selfishly destroyed our little heaven) we lost money, we learned to forgive, we got sick. And just like life, the world turned and moved around and the sun kept gliding through a vast amount of space and then, suddenly, most of the stress was resolved. We felt better, the move was over, we realized money isn't everything.

And I thought, "I miss people." Breath in, good man, breath out long and slow.

So, I jumped back on my main app for convos to discover seven of my friends had been inspired by my late night foray into tiktok curly hair posts on New Year's Eve and caught my exuberance!? Now, they all have curly hair! It's making them laugh and research hair products. 40 years they've been styling their hair the wrong way but now, thanks to me getting into tiktok for exactly 24hrs they're reaping waves! Ha! One of them has perfect curly tendrils that she never even knew existed. How crazy right? Her very own curl miracle.

And then I picked up Evangeline by Longfellow. Breathing in, breathing out really long and slow. The words flowed into my soul. I haven't finished it yet. It's very calming though. Then, I did a Bible study on wind, because it's been 25-32mph for five days here, howling across the palm trees and making Spaniards wear their heaviest coats (it's 59 degrees F but feels like the depths of winter) and I'm wondering.. just breathing. And I'm crying a little too. Oh God, send your healing to this man, cover him and strengthen him in ways he can't imagine and rebuke the enemy that would trap him. You are his strength O King.

I made soup yesterday with Thai spices and a chicken cube and bitched out my darling man because he wants to put the pots and pans in a place that makes no earthly sense.. I love being organized, I am woman, hear me roar.. but ffs I need to get a grip, they're just pans. Sheesh.

Breathing in, breathing out. You are loved.

My boys hate wearing shirts. We have a fire going and they're cackling over fart jokes and debating about which of their stuffed animals need to be sent on the next mission with walkie talkies and Lego rockets and I'm wondering why their room smells like old Chinese good then I'm thinking, "Did I mention the shower today?"

Don't breathe in too much around them. ;)

Me, trying to read Harry Potter in Spanish is ridiculous but I finished it. Kinda proud of that. Equally proud of my ability to use the translate button on kindle when I need i to understand Harry's propensity for feeling awkward.

Have I told you about my skirts yet? I got skirts! They're hideous. No man on earth would think they're attractive and I don't care. They all make me feel like a Gypsy traveler Princess. My friends don't even comment when I send pics. They're too startled and horrified. I can SPIN in them and TWIRL!

The wind is still howling here... and rattling the windows but I'm safe and I'm loved and I'm happy, mostly. The shower is broken in our new apartment though and that's annoying.. Js. It's weird how the little things really lift you up or bring you down. We're all such simple creatures.

The hubby brought me gummy bears today though so life is good. I've gained fifteen pounds, so life needs to go to the gym. Rofl.

May you be blessed, may everyone tell you stories, may you breathe in and breathe out and thank God for this time you have to listen. May you rise up as the interceder you are called to be and invoke power into the hospital for those who don't have the ability.

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.
Hugs
 

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Right now it is more mental than physical. My mind wants to progress rapidly and to success. The disease has something to say about my success.
The mind is a powerful thing, my friend. Look mortal peril in the eye and show it you have the will to fight. Defiance is also medicine. When you beat the covid, as I am confident you will, I'll buy you lunch and we can discuss the great existential mysteries. Stay strong.
 

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From what I understand delta is still getting around a lot and delta attacks the lungs, omicron is the mild one that doesn’t.

Chances are you have delta which would mean the monoclonal antibodies would work.

I’ll leave it with you and the doctors and I wish you all the best.
 

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I had a better night. I also had a tough talk with the staff. This is so mental. High anxiety. So tough. When you are lying on the bed with 110 pulse in distress and the oxygen supply is not functioning. You call for help and no one responds. Anxiety skyrockets as you try to calm and recover. If you want me to calm down don't leave me in a bad situation, ever. I am getting better but the potential failures always play in my mind.
 

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I had a better night. I also had a tough talk with the staff. This is so mental. High anxiety. So tough. When you are lying on the bed with 110 pulse in distress and the oxygen supply is not functioning. You call for help and no one responds. Anxiety skyrockets as you try to calm and recover. If you want me to calm down don't leave me in a bad situation, ever. I am getting better but the potential failures always play in my mind.
Well, instead of writing more stories to distract you I'll just say we're praying.
 
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I had a better night. I also had a tough talk with the staff. This is so mental. High anxiety. So tough. When you are lying on the bed with 110 pulse in distress and the oxygen supply is not functioning. You call for help and no one responds. Anxiety skyrockets as you try to calm and recover. If you want me to calm down don't leave me in a bad situation, ever. I am getting better but the potential failures always play in my mind.

Glad to hear you had a better night. Tough nights when you're sick are the worst. You want to and need to rest but you can't. I've always found it strange that the body seemingly works against itself then.
 

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@Runum this too shall pass.

Look forward you posting “I’m back! No oxygen needed, I’ll just yell at people because I can”.

In the meantime, sending you healing vibes. The best kind too. It’s FLf after all, we got you.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Greg, I've created your own RECOVERY THREAD here and pulled out your story of the main CV thread... everyone here at the forum is rooting for you. Feel free to share anything here as others share their well wishes for you, so happy to hear that your night went a little better.
 
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All anyone can do is educate yourself on the risks and play your hand. I am 62 with no comorbities. I am very active and take care of myself. I contracted covid Jan 4 and have serious covid pneumonia. I am currently in the fight for my life. It can and does happen but I wouldn't want everyone locked down for me.
Get Well, Praying for your speedy recovery.
 

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Finally sitting up. Everything is so much of a struggle. I have about 5% lung capacity right now but I do think that is improving.20220126_182357.jpg
 

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Keep fighting. You got this.
 
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You'll get through this @Runum, we're here for you! Sending you warm energy and thoughts.
 

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How was your night Greg?
 

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Get well soon, Greg.
I am browsing through your TFF posting history to know more about you. There are many gems, especially in the mindset area. Thank you.
Best wishes from Germany
 

Runum

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Latest.....

On Jan 4 I had a great morning playing pickkleball. We both play, hike, bike, and workout 3 days a week. Most of our activities are outside in great weather during our travels. My wife got the sniffles and
Felt Run down. We thought seasonal allergies.

I was feeling progressively worse. Scratchy throat. Doing all the OTC stuff to kick it. Hot showers are usually great for me. I was struggling more each day, weaker. On Jan 11 I could not even sit up. My blood oxygen was around 80% and dropping. I was in pain and we found a local clinic. I tested positive and got ivermectine and a ton of other mods and went home. I did feel better and the clinic even did a follow up call and I felt OK.

Then Jan 14 was terrible. My oxy was dropping and I could not stand up. We had to have 2 guys help me into the truck. We found a real ER and made the 30 minute run. They admitted me immediately with could pneumonia and put me on high O2. There were no beds so I stayed in er for. 2 days. During that time you are not lucid. You are fighting for every breath. You are. In a constant struggle for homeostasis. The personal are running tests and asking questions. You are not your own advocate. You have few choices, follow along and live or not.

The struggle is so lonely. You are not sure of what the next level is. Are you going to crash? Will, they gave to trach you? Nurses coming and going. Very little explanations. That night it is you and you will to survive. Do you have enough?

Sometime during the night someone tripped over my IV and pulled it out. They had to install another one. They also have a blood gas artey test they need and kept missing the artey, it freaking hurts, 3 misses.

Late the second night I got moved to a room. It is more comfortable but no more info.

I couldn't sleep ever, I was not sure I would wake up. Supplemental oxygen is such a curse. Needed for survival but weakens your lungs fast.

I have been in this room for 13 days now and probably many more to come. The first nights I was so uncomfortable they kept having to up the meds.

I am not able to think and reason as I normally would. My cell will not call out. Fortunately I had set my wife up with resources for use during this trip. She has been able to take care of us.

My recovery is not linear. Good days and bad days. Yesterday was tough. Lots more painful tests. I did have fluid buildup in my neck that has disbursed. I have high anxiety about all of this so they have learned to keep me with Xanax for all of us. Nights have been spent watching the monitors. As long as they are still working I am still alive.

Shitting is an adventure. When I have to move my pulse goes to 110+ and it feels like my chest will explode. So I wiggle my a$$ on the pot to shut and my pulse is out of control. I am hyperventilating. After lying on the bed Edge for 45 minutes I figure out the oxygen is not working. There is no way I can recover to clean up and fall back into. The bed. In fact I may just have a heart attack at that point. Call for the nurse is hit or miss. They will tell me they are coming while I die in my own shift.

They are now giving me sleeping pills to help. My young roommate has constant fights with his girlfriend on the phone over money and bills. It is loud and can be quite amusing when I am in the mood.

With sleeping pills and Xanax nights are getting better. They also want me sleeping on my side, it makes it easier the breath at night. I had a talk with a couple of managers about equipment reliability and managing anxiety and stress. Apparently now I am the mean patient because I hurt some feelings.

I did ask for monoclonal therapy and was rejected. I know there are I there therapies but they do not seem willing to pursue. What do you do when they refuse?

I absolutely do not know more than they do. I cannot tell, them how to do their jobs.

More to come.
 
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Runum

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Runum

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@Runum

Hey, I just saw this thread. Dear heart, you're going to be ok. Fear is the mind killer.. love casts out fear.

This past month, for 22 days, I stopped eating gummy bears (they're like crack to me) or drinking any alcohol or getting on social media or messaging any of my friends who live far away or even reading any books in English. I didn't know what was going to happen, I just knew I needed a break. I needed to be away from all the little things that make my life pumped full of little dopamine highs and figure out what my day could be like, overlooking the Mediterranean, married, taking care of the kids, just me being me.

It was weird af. I got a lot done. I stayed on track for all the courses I signed up for and I didn't have any mood swings. I paid attention to the weather, a lot. I was always present when my kids were talking. Don't hold your breath now, this story isn't has no exciting climax.

I prayed occasionally. I journaled very little. I started a specific Bible study that has you read four different sections of the Bible concurrently. (McCheyne's)

Mostly I just wondered a lot. And focused on breathing. Then, a bunch of really stressful things all happened that weren't under my control at all. We had to move (because neighbors selfishly destroyed our little heaven) we lost money, we learned to forgive, we got sick. And just like life, the world turned and moved around and the sun kept gliding through a vast amount of space and then, suddenly, most of the stress was resolved. We felt better, the move was over, we realized money isn't everything.

And I thought, "I miss people." Breath in, good man, breath out long and slow.

So, I jumped back on my main app for convos to discover seven of my friends had been inspired by my late night foray into tiktok curly hair posts on New Year's Eve and caught my exuberance!? Now, they all have curly hair! It's making them laugh and research hair products. 40 years they've been styling their hair the wrong way but now, thanks to me getting into tiktok for exactly 24hrs they're reaping waves! Ha! One of them has perfect curly tendrils that she never even knew existed. How crazy right? Her very own curl miracle.

And then I picked up Evangeline by Longfellow. Breathing in, breathing out really long and slow. The words flowed into my soul. I haven't finished it yet. It's very calming though. Then, I did a Bible study on wind, because it's been 25-32mph for five days here, howling across the palm trees and making Spaniards wear their heaviest coats (it's 59 degrees F but feels like the depths of winter) and I'm wondering.. just breathing. And I'm crying a little too. Oh God, send your healing to this man, cover him and strengthen him in ways he can't imagine and rebuke the enemy that would trap him. You are his strength O King.

I made soup yesterday with Thai spices and a chicken cube and bitched out my darling man because he wants to put the pots and pans in a place that makes no earthly sense.. I love being organized, I am woman, hear me roar.. but ffs I need to get a grip, they're just pans. Sheesh.

Breathing in, breathing out. You are loved.

My boys hate wearing shirts. We have a fire going and they're cackling over fart jokes and debating about which of their stuffed animals need to be sent on the next mission with walkie talkies and Lego rockets and I'm wondering why their room smells like old Chinese good then I'm thinking, "Did I mention the shower today?"

Don't breathe in too much around them. ;)

Me, trying to read Harry Potter in Spanish is ridiculous but I finished it. Kinda proud of that. Equally proud of my ability to use the translate button on kindle when I need i to understand Harry's propensity for feeling awkward.

Have I told you about my skirts yet? I got skirts! They're hideous. No man on earth would think they're attractive and I don't care. They all make me feel like a Gypsy traveler Princess. My friends don't even comment when I send pics. They're too startled and horrified. I can SPIN in them and TWIRL!

The wind is still howling here... and rattling the windows but I'm safe and I'm loved and I'm happy, mostly. The shower is broken in our new apartment though and that's annoying.. Js. It's weird how the little things really lift you up or bring you down. We're all such simple creatures.

The hubby brought me gummy bears today though so life is good. I've gained fifteen pounds, so life needs to go to the gym. Rofl.

May you be blessed, may everyone tell you stories, may you breathe in and breathe out and thank God for this time you have to listen. May you rise up as the interceder you are called to be and invoke power into the hospital for those who don't have the ability.

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.
Hugs
ThanksPP
 

Runum

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I have been on the transferr list to a private therapy facility for several days. Unfortunately I am not stable enough to move.
 
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Glad you're hanging in there. Your resilience is admirable! Stay strong and optimistic, we are praying for you.
 
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Keep your head up, Greg. I am rooting for you.

My dad were in a similar situation as you back when the Swine Flu epidemic was around. He spent 1 whole month in coma back in 2011, made it out and is still doing well today. Never stop believing. Our mind and body are stronger than we realize. Stay strong my man!
 

Runum

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I am hearing whole hospital is full of patients like me.
 

Runum

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At this time I am improving which is good and bad. I am wary of the possible cytokine storm. I am continuing to press for alternative therapies to avoid that storm as much as possible. That is my main goal at this time. They are aware that I have the resources, just trying to get them to listen. The time window is closing.
 
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At this time I am improving which is good and bad. I am wary of the possible cytokine storm. I am continuing to press for alternative therapies to avoid that storm as much as possible. That is my main goal at this time. They are aware that I have the resources, just trying to get them to listen. The time window is closing.
You've got this Greg! Fighting!
 

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Praying for you. Keep fighting the good fight!
 

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