User Power
Value/Post Ratio
247%
- Oct 5, 2018
- 175
- 432
Hey!
Looks like an interesting concept - I think there's something to it. Now about the page.
I like the fact that you're starting with an emotional benefit (never be forgotten)...
Before we dive in deeper, here's a quick note to provide some context for my following advice:
I would need to see the Facebook ads you're using to give you a more precise rundown because not all the clicks are the same.
For example - I could run an ad and say "Kybalion is the worst copywriter in the world - click here to look at this jackass" vs. an ad that would say ''Kybalion 10x'd my coaching business - click here to see how''. Both would get me traffic, but one would drive visitors who want to look at how ridiculous I am, and the other one would drive qualified leads.
So, keep in mind that I don't have the full context to give you exact advice. With that being said here's what you can do to improve this page:
1. While the headline is catchy it doesn't give me the full story. When I read it I don't get the exact idea of what you're selling. Are you selling cameras? Is there a contest where I have to record myself and send you a recording of myself? Do I have to do the recording and you'll offer editing services?
There are a ton of things the headline could mean. Of course, there's a big chance your Facebook ads elaborate on that, however it's better to be mind-numbingly clear and repetitive rather than creative, but vague.
2. Insert a call-to-action button in the top section of the page. And make it more visible, the current one is too hard to find. If the prospect lands with the intention to get your product, and is already sold on the concept, why make him scroll through all that copy?
3. Turn the ''What we do'' section into "What you get''. This is where you focus on the main pain-points/desires of your audience. Right now the feature you're addressing is ''you get to share your story''. But why do I want to share my story? I obviously don't want to share it just for sharing's sake.
Here are some ideas:
- I might want to give impart knowledge on my offsprings because I love them, and more importantly I want them to love me.
- I am afraid of death, so your offer may help me create an illusion of living forever in the memories of my loved ones.
- I want to feel important, like the dudes on TV, who give interviews. I want to increase my status, so your offer might help me stand out.
Obviously, you need to communicate they'll get these things, but don't be overt about it (bad example: ''Hey, old fu*ks - stay alive forever, make your kids listen for once, and let's make your friends think you're badass'')
Reverse this if you're targeting the grandchildren/children!!!
4. Include a section about you with a picture and a heartwarming story, which makes them feel like you understand them. (Quick idea: get a picture with you and your grandfather and write up how much it means for you to help others like him share their stories.) Right now nobody trusts you. After all, this interview is quite intimate and they have to like you and trust you.
5. Just took a look at the testimonials. Looks like you're targeting grandchildren/children. That's smart. But the messaging doesn't match up with the headline. The headline seems to address the people who're going to be interviewed, and testimonials address people who want to surprise their grandparents/parents.
I would recommend testing both audiences - BUT not at the same time. Create a separate page for each one and test everything. Something tells me it might be easier to convince kids to give this as a gift, rather than old people to share their stories AND pay you. My grandma is 81 and she's on Facebook, but she might be an outlier, so I think you've got a better chance with targeting younger people.
6. Include how it works section for obvious reasons.
7. Here's the structure you can follow:
- Headline
- What you'll get
- Interview example
- How it works
- Testimonials
- About me
- Guarantee
That's it. There are a bunch of other things, you can tweak, but the ones above are the ''needle-movers''.
Hope this helps!
Looks like an interesting concept - I think there's something to it. Now about the page.
I like the fact that you're starting with an emotional benefit (never be forgotten)...
Before we dive in deeper, here's a quick note to provide some context for my following advice:
I would need to see the Facebook ads you're using to give you a more precise rundown because not all the clicks are the same.
For example - I could run an ad and say "Kybalion is the worst copywriter in the world - click here to look at this jackass" vs. an ad that would say ''Kybalion 10x'd my coaching business - click here to see how''. Both would get me traffic, but one would drive visitors who want to look at how ridiculous I am, and the other one would drive qualified leads.
So, keep in mind that I don't have the full context to give you exact advice. With that being said here's what you can do to improve this page:
1. While the headline is catchy it doesn't give me the full story. When I read it I don't get the exact idea of what you're selling. Are you selling cameras? Is there a contest where I have to record myself and send you a recording of myself? Do I have to do the recording and you'll offer editing services?
There are a ton of things the headline could mean. Of course, there's a big chance your Facebook ads elaborate on that, however it's better to be mind-numbingly clear and repetitive rather than creative, but vague.
2. Insert a call-to-action button in the top section of the page. And make it more visible, the current one is too hard to find. If the prospect lands with the intention to get your product, and is already sold on the concept, why make him scroll through all that copy?
3. Turn the ''What we do'' section into "What you get''. This is where you focus on the main pain-points/desires of your audience. Right now the feature you're addressing is ''you get to share your story''. But why do I want to share my story? I obviously don't want to share it just for sharing's sake.
Here are some ideas:
- I might want to give impart knowledge on my offsprings because I love them, and more importantly I want them to love me.
- I am afraid of death, so your offer may help me create an illusion of living forever in the memories of my loved ones.
- I want to feel important, like the dudes on TV, who give interviews. I want to increase my status, so your offer might help me stand out.
Obviously, you need to communicate they'll get these things, but don't be overt about it (bad example: ''Hey, old fu*ks - stay alive forever, make your kids listen for once, and let's make your friends think you're badass'')
Reverse this if you're targeting the grandchildren/children!!!
4. Include a section about you with a picture and a heartwarming story, which makes them feel like you understand them. (Quick idea: get a picture with you and your grandfather and write up how much it means for you to help others like him share their stories.) Right now nobody trusts you. After all, this interview is quite intimate and they have to like you and trust you.
5. Just took a look at the testimonials. Looks like you're targeting grandchildren/children. That's smart. But the messaging doesn't match up with the headline. The headline seems to address the people who're going to be interviewed, and testimonials address people who want to surprise their grandparents/parents.
I would recommend testing both audiences - BUT not at the same time. Create a separate page for each one and test everything. Something tells me it might be easier to convince kids to give this as a gift, rather than old people to share their stories AND pay you. My grandma is 81 and she's on Facebook, but she might be an outlier, so I think you've got a better chance with targeting younger people.
6. Include how it works section for obvious reasons.
7. Here's the structure you can follow:
- Headline
- What you'll get
- Interview example
- How it works
- Testimonials
- About me
- Guarantee
That's it. There are a bunch of other things, you can tweak, but the ones above are the ''needle-movers''.
Hope this helps!