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GOLD! Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

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andyhaus44

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Amp,

Thank you so much for sharing this! Your description of a Slowlane and Fastlane parent was the kick in the pants that I needed. Up until now, I’ve been a Slowlane parent with the intention of being Fastlane but now will focus on being a Fastlane parent. Thank you.

I've got a 2 year old daughter, with a son coming in April.

When it comes to time with your kid, quantity is greater than quality.

People/gurus/columnists who say "make time for 1 on 1 quality time with your kid once a week" are on the sidewalk.

How about make 4-8+ hours of time a day for your kid, by being in the fastlane, and having all the time in the world.

Whatever values and influence you wish to impart on your children, will surely have more impact if you are simply always there and available.


Not to mention, when you have free time, you can do cool sh*t for/with your kid.

In the past month:
  • I built a tree house with a sandpit underneath
  • I built a 12 foot rock wall in the backyard for the kid (complete with harness/belay system).
  • We've been to the library multiple times.
  • We're spending tomorrow at a museum in Dallas.
  • Read books together for 1-2 hours a day, daily.
  • Been to every playground in town multiple times.
  • Will take her fishing for the first time this week.
  • Sang the ABC song with her about 10,000 times.

Because I can take a trip/vacation whenever I want, she's going to be closer to her grandparents than I ever was to mine. We plan on making the trip to see my folks 4-5 times a year. Last summer, we spent 2 months in Sweden, and we plan to spend ever summer in a new far-off destination. International travel teaches you things that you could never learn in a geography/history book. People who say it's no fun to travel with kids, haven't done it right. Rent a kid-friendly airbnb with a playroom.

I hope to be sufficiently far enough along in the fastlane to where I can homeschool my kids completely, when they come to that age. As a former teacher, I've got a pretty negative view on our school systems, and I feel like I could just do it better myself.


I think the fastlane opens doors to a whole side of parenting that most people never get to experience. Fastlane Parenting is immersive.

Sidewalk Parenting is an afterthought that you do for 1 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours in the evening. And then some time on the weekend where your kids watch you do chores around the house.
I've got a 2 year old daughter, with a son coming in April.

When it comes to time with your kid, quantity is greater than quality.

People/gurus/columnists who say "make time for 1 on 1 quality time with your kid once a week" are on the sidewalk.

How about make 4-8+ hours of time a day for your kid, by being in the fastlane, and having all the time in the world.

Whatever values and influence you wish to impart on your children, will surely have more impact if you are simply always there and available.


Not to mention, when you have free time, you can do cool sh*t for/with your kid.

In the past month:
  • I built a tree house with a sandpit underneath
  • I built a 12 foot rock wall in the backyard for the kid (complete with harness/belay system).
  • We've been to the library multiple times.
  • We're spending tomorrow at a museum in Dallas.
  • Read books together for 1-2 hours a day, daily.
  • Been to every playground in town multiple times.
  • Will take her fishing for the first time this week.
  • Sang the ABC song with her about 10,000 times.

Because I can take a trip/vacation whenever I want, she's going to be closer to her grandparents than I ever was to mine. We plan on making the trip to see my folks 4-5 times a year. Last summer, we spent 2 months in Sweden, and we plan to spend ever summer in a new far-off destination. International travel teaches you things that you could never learn in a geography/history book. People who say it's no fun to travel with kids, haven't done it right. Rent a kid-friendly airbnb with a playroom.

I hope to be sufficiently far enough along in the fastlane to where I can homeschool my kids completely, when they come to that age. As a former teacher, I've got a pretty negative view on our school systems, and I feel like I could just do it better myself.


I think the fastlane opens doors to a whole side of parenting that most people never get to experience. Fastlane Parenting is immersive.

Sidewalk Parenting is an afterthought that you do for 1 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours in the evening. And then some time on the weekend where your kids watch you do chores around the house.
 
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Thomas Baptiste

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Having a kid (now almost 17 months old) made me a lot more motivated to get my personal issues in order more so than my fastlane endeavors. I was able to get over extreme video game addiction, anger issues (still working on but vastly improved), start working out regularly and has been one of the most difficult/awesome/crazy/amazing experiences of my life. It has been very motivating to get my personal sh*t together so I don't pass on my issues to him. I want him to have so many opportunities and try and help him become the best version of himself he can be.

My only advice would be to become the best version of yourself you can be, and to have an open mind and let your kid follow their own path. All you can give is unconditional love, your child may not even want to become an entrepreneur and that is ok. All you can do is support them the best you can. Actions speak louder than words and leading by example is definitely the way to go.
I'm not a parent but damn, video game addiction hit hard. I'm actually really happy that I've taken some of the same steps you've taken to become a better version of myself. This might seem weird, but my future son/daughter is actually my main motivator for all my FastLane ambitions right now. The thought of having a child right now with my given circumstances is really frustrating and it takes conscious effort to stop myself from ignoring that, seeing that I'm integrated in a side walked/slowlaned society. I want to bring them into a world with me being financially stable at least, but better yet financially independent!

Also for the single parents on the forum, don't take your being single as a burden ;it can be a beautiful thing. A partner is there for mutual support and it's better to have them absent from your lives than to have them eat away at your goals. Children should be raised in an atmosphere of love and support.
 

Elif

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I like Andy Frisella. He has made excellent points about children. He wrote a children's book recently. Now, I do not have any children. So, I can not say if it is legit or not.
 

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Love when this thread gets bumped in my notifications, I like adding to it.

Right now I'm in Europe with the family for a 2.5 month trip. My guys are back home running the warehouse. I work from 9pm-2am here, which is like afternoon U.S. time. Also do some work sporadically during nap times, or sometimes in the morning.

My 1 and 3 year olds are immersed in a different culture. I'm taking them a few days a week to an "open preschool" where parents and kids come together. We do songs in their language and they play with kids that don't speak any English.

In 2 weeks my daughter has gone from being apprehensive and scared at meeting kids that don't speak English, to embracing the challenge, and asking me about how to say things "in this place".

Not to mention the weather is 70-80 degrees every day.


My kids are learning freedom. We can leave and do cool things, that other people don't get to do, because I have a business, not a job.
 

Kak

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Has anyone thought of homeschooling? It's starting to look like the ticket at this point. The stats point in favor of homeschooled kids as far as academic performance is concerned.

I had a very interesting conversation with a successful guy that homeschool his kids. He said that kids being socialized to other kids is important but only a small part of their socialization. The goal with school is to help kids become functioning and educated adults. He said, and this was his opinion, that kids are the blind leading the blind, and they are forced to hang out with and learn from their own age group. In contrast, with homeschool, your children can become mature and far more socialized to adults primarily and other kids secondarily.

Thoughts? Obviously since adult is the goal, it has to be a good thing.
 

GPM

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As that due date looms closer and closer this is one the biggest concerns on my mind. The traditional school system terrifies me. I do not want my kid going through that, in the form that it currently takes.
 

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As that due date looms closer and closer this is one the biggest concerns on my mind. The traditional school system terrifies me. I do not want my kid going through that, in the form that it currently takes.

I’m thinking more and more that school trains kids to keep their head down and keeps them in “their places”. Screw that. Even high dollar prep school is probably bad news. Too many rich kids are jackasses.
 

CPisHere

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Has anyone thought of homeschooling? It's starting to look like the ticket at this point. The stats point in favor of homeschooled kids as far as academic performance is concerned.

I had a very interesting conversation with a successful guy that homeschool his kids. He said that kids being socialized to other kids is important but only a small part of their socialization. The goal with school is to help kids become functioning and educated adults. He said, and this was his opinion, that kids are the blind leading the blind, and they are forced to hang out with and learn from their own age group. In contrast, with homeschool, your children can become mature and far more socialized to adults primarily and other kids secondarily.

Thoughts? Obviously since adult is the goal, it has to be a good thing.
I literally cannot think of one thing school is good for. No way I will put my kids through it. You are fighting against a very strong current to try & raise your kids fastlane through the school system.
 

IGP

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I literally cannot think of one thing school is good for. No way I will put my kids through it. You are fighting against a very strong current to try & raise your kids fastlane through the school system.

Not really. Your kids will learn from watching you more than they will from school. It's not coincidence that my 4 year old wants to work out with me or that my 9 year old likes to come up with new business ideas.

I send my kids to public school, even though I could afford private school. And while it is frustrating at times, I don't see it as 100% negative.

We supplement at home where we see fit, which IMO every parent should do.

If there is something at school that I know is 100% BS, I tell them that straight up. I don't worry about the feeling of their teacher, principal or friends... Other things I explain to them the reasoning behind it in a more subtle way.

Really it all boils down to this: Don't be an absentee parent. Don't let the system raise your kid. Use it as construct and learning device to inspire them to dream bigger and reach farther.
 

CPisHere

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Not really. Your kids will learn from watching you more than they will from school. It's not coincidence that my 4 year old wants to work out with me or that my 9 year old likes to come up with new business ideas.

I send my kids to public school, even though I could afford private school. And while it is frustrating at times, I don't see it as 100% negative.

We supplement at home where we see fit, which IMO every parent should do.

If there is something at school that I know is 100% BS, I tell them that straight up. I don't worry about the feeling of their teacher, principal or friends... Other things I explain to them the reasoning behind it in a more subtle way.

Really it all boils down to this: Don't be an absentee parent. Don't let the system raise your kid. Use it as construct and learning device to inspire them to dream bigger and reach farther.
Like I said, you are fighting against a current. The current is going to pull them toward the status quo. It doesn't mean it's impossible.

But why fight the current? If it's because you don't have time or interest in taking your kids out of school, fine. School offers nothing of value that can't be easily replaced without it.
 
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IGP

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Like I said, you are fighting against a current. The current is going to pull them toward the status quo. It doesn't mean it's impossible.

But why fight the current? If it's because you don't have time or interest in taking your kids out of school, fine. School offers nothing of value that can't be easily replaced without it.

And like I said, I'm not fighting against any current. I simply don't agree with you. There is no magical force pulling kids towards a status quo.

Do you have kids?

I'm guessing not because I know plenty of people who home school their kids and the one thing that IS NOT is EASY.
 

Kak

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Not really. Your kids will learn from watching you more than they will from school. It's not coincidence that my 4 year old wants to work out with me or that my 9 year old likes to come up with new business ideas.

I send my kids to public school, even though I could afford private school. And while it is frustrating at times, I don't see it as 100% negative.

We supplement at home where we see fit, which IMO every parent should do.

If there is something at school that I know is 100% BS, I tell them that straight up. I don't worry about the feeling of their teacher, principal or friends... Other things I explain to them the reasoning behind it in a more subtle way.

Really it all boils down to this: Don't be an absentee parent. Don't let the system raise your kid. Use it as construct and learning device to inspire them to dream bigger and reach farther.

You are correct, I do not have kids. They’re on the radar though.

Good post @IGP rep to you
 

CPisHere

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And like I said, I'm not fighting against any current. I simply don't agree with you. There is no magical force pulling kids towards a status quo.

Do you have kids?

I'm guessing not because I know plenty of people who home school their kids and the one thing that IS NOT is EASY.
I have 3 kids under age 5. Home schooling is as easy or difficult as you want it to be, but it's certainly more work than shipping your kids off to babysitters. My kids are my WHY. I'm creating freedom for myself so that they can be FREE.

The vast majority of people fall into the status quo, it's the point of MJ's books. Schools are a foundational part of creating and guiding that status quo, that's the current you must fight to be on the Fastlane ("Get good grades, get a good job, buy a house, save for retirement").

Obviously, the vast majority of entrepreneurs went through school. It's not a death sentence to mediocrity. But as I keep point out & you haven't disagreed, it offers nothing of value - other than babysitting.
 

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Has anyone thought of homeschooling? It's starting to look like the ticket at this point. The stats point in favor of homeschooled kids as far as academic performance is concerned.

I had a very interesting conversation with a successful guy that homeschool his kids. He said that kids being socialized to other kids is important but only a small part of their socialization. The goal with school is to help kids become functioning and educated adults. He said, and this was his opinion, that kids are the blind leading the blind, and they are forced to hang out with and learn from their own age group. In contrast, with homeschool, your children can become mature and far more socialized to adults primarily and other kids secondarily.

Thoughts? Obviously since adult is the goal, it has to be a good thing.

Yep my GF and I know people that do this and when our kid(s) are of that age we aim to go a very different path with their education to the norm. If we live unscripted whats the point of putting kids in 12 years of scripted eduction? For them to come home at night bulk studying assignments with no relevance to their journey as an adult? For me to constantly say;

"I know your teacher told you that, and you need to memorise it so you get good grades, but ultimately its rubbish".

It never made sense to me when I went to school (I was the smart a$$ always asking teachers "tell me how I apply this to real life") and it makes even less sense to send my kids through it.*

*EDIT; having said that depending on circumstances they might do a few years of primary school in public school, there are a few in my area which fit in with our philosophy. Thats providing I still live where I do in 4 years when my young fella is ready to start.
 

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As that due date looms closer and closer this is one the biggest concerns on my mind. The traditional school system terrifies me. I do not want my kid going through that, in the form that it currently takes.

Take it from a former teacher.... it's bad.

@Kak We considered home-schooling, but decided against it. I think the socialization was a big factor, Not so important to me, but more-so for my wife.

We've landed on a liberal arts private school that a personal acquaintance started. No state testing, no textbooks. Love of learning, great literature, great art, some stuff done in mixed-grades, so it's not quite the "blind leading the blind" situation you described above. Like, if my kid's in 4th grade, but is ready for algebra, he could be doing algebra with 7th graders. etc. etc. And the things these kids can do at similar schools in other cities is a lot more than what you get with public school.

Even if in this set-up, my kids "achieved less" than their public school counterparts (unlikely), what matters most to me is the love of learning is not squashed out of them by 12th grade. That they haven't reduced learning to short-memory of facts for a multiple choice test.


Biggest downside to homeschool or private school options, is missing out on some great experiences in band/orchestra/choir. Hard to get group music through anything but public school... the homeschool and private school options exist for this, but don't compare in quality.
 

amp0193

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I'm guessing not because I know plenty of people who home school their kids and the one thing that IS NOT is EASY.

The other reason we opted out. I don't know if we could commit to all that goes into it.
 

IGP

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But as I keep point out & you haven't disagreed, it offers nothing of value - other than babysitting.

Okay, well I'll disagree now then. "Nothing" is a pretty strong word. Clearly, there is value to school, even if it's not exactly what we think it should be.

Kudos to you for taking on the challenge of home schooling. That is not an easy undertaking, especially as they get older.
 

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We are considering homeschooling and have some family friends who do a great job homeschooling their children. I asked him the socialization question and this was the response:

"Sure you get socialized, but socialized to what? When was the last time you were in room with 20 people exactly your age taking orders from a bureaucrat?"

Coming from someone that has 3 teenage and pre-teen sons that will walk straight up to you, look you in the eye and shake your hand like a man, I'm inclined to listen.
 

Patrickg

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My kids deserve the best education available, which means I sacrifice my money and my wife sacrifices her time, rather than sending them to the Marxist re-education camps we call public schools

My thoughts exactly... It's interesting to hear everyone basically agree stuck between the homeschooling versus private.

We are doing private preschool next year. But I really want to homeschool. Because even though private school is better education it's designed to create factory workers. The structure of hours etc
 

hughjasle

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Has anyone thought of homeschooling?
I have 3 kids, 7, 4, and 1. We homeschool. Always have and always will unless they request otherwise.

Key is being on the same page with your spouse. My wife is amazing and has learned a LOT about homeschooling and basically runs that entire side of the house while I run the finances. We picked a home in a great community full of kids our kids ages. They get plenty of socialization. We have also joined homeschool groups in town that we meet up with all the time for "field trips" get togethers, and sometimes even lessons on certain subjects.

There is a lot of good material out there for homeschooling all depending on what style you want. From very free range to structured syllabus.

We love it. Sure we sometimes think how fun it would be to be able to get rid of the kids sometimes and have the day to ourselves while the kids are away at school. I think that's the only negative we have. And even then it's fleeting because best time of the day at the parks/museums/etc. is when all the other kids are in school :)
 
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CPisHere

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Okay, well I'll disagree now then. "Nothing" is a pretty strong word. Clearly, there is value to school, even if it's not exactly what we think it should be.
You are saying you disagree, but you haven't pointed to anything of value that isn't easily done without school.
 

IGP

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You are saying you disagree, but you haven't pointed to anything of value that isn't easily done without school.

You keep using this word "easily"...

You have 3 kids under the age of 5, I guess you could say it's "easy" now. Come back in 5 years and LMK how "easy" it is.

I choose to send my kids to school, you want to home school. Great. Who cares?

I don't need to waste my time giving a dissertation on the value of school, especially when you already have your mind made up about what you want to do.
 

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Quality of the school district is key as well. As @IGP said, don't be an absentee parent.
We moved to the area we are in specifically for the school district. Our area is full of a lot of people that own businesses, work high up in large companies, and work from home / do sales. So generally, the kids have some concept of the real world. A lot of very actively involved parents helps.

So we have a good school district that we researched. Then we supplement with 'why' and 'real world' experiences. My kids work and run small businesses. We talk about finances a lot. Supplement with team sports, good coaches, and scout troop activities. Then be actively involved in their lives. Teach them to hold themselves to a high standard.

I also do my part for the community by going to talk in schools. Usually it is around career day. I end up talking budgets, etc. and 'why' we need money.

Good stuff about schools: structure, connections, community friends, involvement in sports | chorus | band | academic teams | etc., sense of community, a different voice, learning about hard things in life, social development, exposure to other cultures and opinions, learning to be PC, daycare so we can do things, you pay for it anyway why not use it, ........ all i could think of in 2 minutes......
 

chuckypita

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My Dad was in the FastLane - left his sales job with Maytag in the mid-1980's to move to Utah and start his own "RC Willey" furniture store. Problem was - he was ahead of his time. He had a HUGE warehouse, tons of inventory, cheap prices, excellent service - but his warehouse was in a poor location.

Fast forward 10 years.

Dad has to leave his retail store and go to work for someone else.

He earned his stripes with his employer and retired after 30 years. Crazy.

He had 10 mouths to feed. Sacrificed for his kids.

Now he has 10 offspring with families of their own and he's created a legacy with 40 grandkids.

2 of his kids are multi-millionaire entrepreneur fast laners.

What's more valuable - money? Or the legacy he's leaving with his children and grandchildren?
 

G. Wellthy

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Anybody that has kids that became entrepreneurial at a young age, feel free to chime in.

.

I first got the bug in high school, buried it for awhile to become a lawyer (although a friend and I blew up a small trading fund in about eight minutes when the Asset-Backed Commercial Paper market blew up in 2003) returned to it when I left full-time law to develop a technology five years ago (this is also when I had my first kid... awful timing) and now I'm really ramping up my entrepreneurial focus and trying to convey to wealth creators (that value family) how to think about family legacy... I'm not sure why I rambled that off except to show that I left a great paying job to the highest possible risk startup right when starting a family.

I think family helped me wake up to how boring and unfulfilled my career was because family life became really really fulfilling.

I feel like my mistakes (and books like TMF ) have really helped hone my personal development and I think my crazy-early focus on family legacy (I'm 36) is partly starting a family and partly reflecting on my career of helping wealthy families save taxes than blow up that savings in estate litigation because they cannot communicate to a common set of values and goals with their siblings...
 

G. Wellthy

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Then I told her how having money is nothing to be ashamed of, how I am very grateful for what we have, but that how much money we have is no one else's business and she doesn't need to talk about it with anyone.

I hope I handled that right haha.

I think the hardest part to teach wealthy kids is that the money IS powerful but that people that do not have money see how to use it incorrectly. The power is in making better people, not in having nice stuff.

I learned around the age of 16 (when the really rich kids at my private school started driving fancy cars and I was still driving an old pickup) that there is an unlimited amount of nice stuff to buy and if you focus on it you don't get ahead in life... I didn't have the language yet but coming from wealth means you are more likely to become a sidewalker so be frickin careful about gratitude, stewardship and the value of personal development.
 

G. Wellthy

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Very interesting opinions on here.
My mother sent me an article a few months back titled "Your kids should not be the most important in the family" that I'll try to attach to this message.
It was vastly different than the typical opinions you normally hear about parenting.
Thoughts?
30xex68.jpg


This is the SELF-FAMILY-BUSINESS hierarchy that TEC / Vistage preaches. Makes sense to me: you cannot be a great family man until you've got yourself figured out and you cannot be a good business leader until you've got yourself and your family life figured out
 

G. Wellthy

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I’m thinking more and more that school trains kids to keep their head down and keeps them in “their places”. Screw that. Even high dollar prep school is probably bad news. Too many rich kids are jackasses.

I've found that it is "luck of the draw" on the grade; awful awful jackasses in public school sometimes, horrendously entitled shitty ring leaders in private school sometimes.

Listen to your kids; they are probably right about the culture in their grade and if it is bad, get them away from it!
 

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