Doing something just to please the parents ?

[The Racing Driver]

Little background here: I'm an 18M, and just dropped out of University after one year of a degree, I knew I'd probably not make a career out of. Parents were fine with that.

Just got back home and they're convincing me to go to flying school and get a commercial pilots license. For all the job benefits, status and so on...Only thing is, I have no real passion to go become a pilot, I've always wanted to be a racing driver. While racing is expensive, The Millionaire Fastlane has been a real eye opener what I can do to achieve it.

They've seen me try and fail a lot these last 2 years I've been trying to build an online business. I've started making a little money freelancing, and am continuously developing my skills and knowledge. To them, they're constantly worried sick about me doing nothing with my life. Don't know if the little money I've made impresses them.

But what if I fail ! ??? I need a backup plan, don't I ? All the nagging, worrying and naysaying from people all around me has been getting to me, I feel it may be better to just go off and do it for the sake of it. I just find the whole environment at home isn't always the best.

Will things just be better off just listening to them ? I really don't want to waste their money or disappoint them, as I have no desire to become a pilot. It seems the only way they'll continue supporting me with my ambitions is by just going and getting this done.

What is your take on just doing something just to please parents ? How do you keep your head up, and not be overwhelmed by all the adversity you face as beginning entrepreneur ?

 

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[DrunkFish]

I live with my grandmother and not my real parents so might view might be different. But honestly, when my grandparent doesn't believe in me, it just makes it that much harder. Instead of not supporting your goals and decisions and trying to veer you in a totally different direction I think is a bad idea.

I don't think back up plans are necessary, but I'm young. I don't care for a back up because I simply am not going to do it. I am never going to stop trying. Giving up and doing nothing but a 9-5 for the rest of my life just isn't something that will happen because I'm not going to live just to live.

I dropped out of college as well because it felt insanely irrelevant and my grandmother still tries to get me to go here and there, but she doesn't know why. She just knows she almost didnt get her job because she didn't have a degree. So now I'm $5k in debt because I tried to follow her advice and tell myself college was what I wanted.

That said, I now have a very clear goal with plans and I feel obligated.

YMMV

 

[juan917]

I've done that... has royally F*cked me. All I'm trying to do right now is get away again and I'm borrowing money from friends to try and make it happen (and getting a full-time job too)

 

[sija1]

How do you keep your head up, and not be overwhelmed by all the adversity you face as beginning entrepreneur ?

I asked myself what I wanted from life and how it could be possible. And I realized that in order to do 95% of things I need money (actually I need time, but money could help with that). I'm 25 now and if by 33 all I ever did was fail (I'm hard working in everything I set my mind to, but I wanted to think of every possible scenario), it's pretty much suicide for me. So that's how I keep my head up, if I don't make this happen in next couple of years, my life would be pretty pointless anyway.

 

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[Supa]

Think about what your goals are (being rich, being successful, etc) and just ask yourself this simple question: are my parents rich and successful? (or whatever your goal is)

If the answer is no, there is no point in following their roadmap. If there lifestyle is not what you want yours to be, like working 5 days a week and only living on the weekends, their roadmap is not the right one for you.

Please dont see this as disrespect for your parents. But chances are pretty high, that your parents are told the same old Slowlane story, that most people are told since their childhood.

If you want to achieve what people like MJ or other impressive Fastlaners achieved you have to think like them. And not like people who live a mediocre life, even if they are your parents or other family members and friends.

 

[AntEmpire]

I would only recommend going to college if they are paying for it. If so, then you can please them while doing your own thing on the side. If not, then you are better off grinding for your dreams rather than going into debt pleasing your parents.

 

[themaxx]

This podcast might help:
http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sta...bes-biggest-fitness-instructor-tells-40217471

 

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[Mattie]

I think when you follow your parents you end up doing things you never wanted to do in the first place. I think you have to decide to make your own decisions and choices. You're the one that has to live with them. And you have to do what's right for you. I suppose the lesson is when people don't support you in your life, it's time to stand on your own two feet and be independent. I think most people get stuck here, because they are seeking approval, validation, and want to please their parents. I think it's a time where you gain strength to manage your emotions, become mentally tough, and do things to manage the stress.

I suppose most people go through this being an entrepreneur or following their dreams. It's a point in time to mature, experience growth, and development, and make choices for yourself. Once you've succeeded and make your dreams come true, they will get over it. Usually when they naysay and fault find it is because of their own fears, anxieties, and worries. There thoughts, actions, and words belong to them. And you have your own. When you trust yourself, you end up doing the right thing. You may not feel you are in the process, but eventually you do end up finding out you made all the right choices.

 

[Bouncing Soul]

Remember this first, your parents are trying to help you with their best thinking.

REALITY CHECK- Most professional racing drivers start when they are 3 or 4 yrs old. If you have no racing experience at 18, you are WAY behind, not just in skills, but just as importantly, connections. I had an instructor at the Ford Racing School last year who had fought his way forward starting later in life and briefly was paid to race, but parents paid for his first rides, and he was naturally gifted. There are practically no stories at the top levels of someone starting so late with modern racing machinery, except, people with massive success outside racing that buy their way in.

Don't become a pilot just to please your parents, but please do figure out how to make money outside of racing as your top priority. That will be totally key to supporting your racing. Talk your plan through with your parents, if they push back, ask them GOOD questions about that. Don't whine, instead, ask what their concerns are based on and why. If they aren't going to support you, that's fine, but preserve the relationship.

 

[Digamma]

Just to add to the various great answers here: airline pilot is not a great career as far as I know. You start from nothing and have to get seniority slowly, and then you are basically bound to a company - if you change company, you start from the bottom.

 

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[Luffy]

I would say if you don't already have something going for you, do what your parents say untill you can stand on your own feet. You can always do something on the side while pleasing your parents.

 

[marklov]

Just to add to the various great answers here: airline pilot is not a great career as far as I know. You start from nothing and have to get seniority slowly, and then you are basically bound to a company - if you change company, you start from the bottom.

^This.

My uncle suffered a similar fate,
over 2 decades in the service and now he is at the
bottom of the barrel scraping it with everyone else.

 

[Fendaril]

I mean, you are very lucky, considering some of us who live with our parents don't have much choice but to work.

Be grateful your parents paid for your university and let you drop out and live rent free to pursue your dreams and take risks on their dime.

 

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[Ninjakid]

What is your take on just doing something just to please parents ? How do you keep your head up, and not be overwhelmed by all the adversity you face as beginning entrepreneur ?

When I was like ten, I used to always tell my mom not to smoke. Like I would tell her about five times a day. Of course I thought I was right for doing so. Of course in school they ram it down your throat how bad smoking is, and that it's your civic duty to discourage people from doing it, just like how that one South Park episode depicts the cultural attitudes. So I thought I was right for doing that, and she was wrong for getting annoyed at me.

A short time later I realized it was me who was wrong for nagging her and insisting I knew what was better. Even if I was right, it doesn't give me the right to tell her what to do. It must have gotten pretty annoying, and I probably would've thrown my ten-year-old self out a window or something. Good thing she's the parent and not me.

I have a family member who's like that too, and now I have to shun her. It sucks because we were quite close before, but every time we meet she goes on this big rant about how I should go school and get a regular job. Before I just brushed it off, but now that's pretty much all she talks about with me, and it's just pure annoyance. If someone has a differing opinion, fine; I expect most people to. But when you feel the need to constantly nag and act like your point-of-view is superior, it's just plain disrespectful and you won't find yourself in my presence very long.

99.99% of people who give you flack, cut them loose. You don't need them.

Just got back home and they're convincing me to go to flying school and get a commercial pilots license. For all the job benefits, status and so on...Only thing is, I have no real passion to go become a pilot, I've always wanted to be a racing driver. While racing is expensive, The Millionaire Fastlane has been a real eye opener what I can do to achieve it.

They've seen me try and fail a lot these last 2 years I've been trying to build an online business. I've started making a little money freelancing, and am continuously developing my skills and knowledge. To them, they're constantly worried sick about me doing nothing with my life. Doubt the little money I've made impresses them.

Well look at this from their perspective: they're trying to get you into a good career so you can make a good living. You may not realize it, but you're blessed. They wouldn't be okay with you just working some menial office job, they're willing to pay for you to be a pilot of all things, which for many people is a dream job. I promise you that the vast majority of people you meet were not privileged enough to be given that chance.

But you don't wanna be a pilot and that's cool, that's why you're on this forum. At the same time, you've done online business for two years and have barely made money. How long can you keep this up for? I don't blame your parents for being concerned about you.

So here's what I suggest you do: tell your parents that you're trying to make it as an entrepreneur, and if they want to pay for your flight school, you'll go, but you're going to work on your business in your spare time. And if your business does well, you're going to run it full-time instead of being a pilot. That way they know that you're not wasting your life, but at the same time you don't want to be a pilot, and you'll do something else if you can.

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

While we can't make your life decisions for you we can each give our viewpoint from our own beliefs, life experiences, and convictions.

"Nothing can resist a will which will stake even existence upon its fulfillment." Benjamin Disraeli.

In other words, I'll do it or die.

There is no plan B. There is no backup plan. There is no fall back. No retreat. You burn the boats.*

At some point we all need to make a decision about who we are and what we're going to be about. You're 18 now and your decision to make is whether or not you're ready to be a man and step up -- or will you draw out this period of frustration? It is a choice, my friend. Make your decisions wisely and then stake your very existence on it.

Good luck!

* My opinion only. How I try to live my life. If it's valuable to you, take it. If it's not discard it. You'll receive many varying opinions on this subject because we all come from different walks of life around here.

 

[TonyStark]

Take it one day at a time.

 

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[Supercar Ace]

In other words, I'll do it or die.

There is no plan B. There is no backup plan. There is no fall back. No retreat. You burn the boats.*

"Plan B is enforcing Plan A"

Only you can live your life, so that means that you will have to live with the consequences (good or bad) from your choices, no one else. Your parents, friends, and relatives won't be able to live it for you, so you have to be ready to do what you need to do to make yourself successful.

We all worry about being a burden to others, so you do have to factor in a minimum self-support system, be it a daytime job or family help. It's great to have understanding parents, use the support to help yourself achieve your goals.

 

[Ninjakid]

I changed my mind. Listen to @Kung Fu Steve

 

[Shdreams]

If what's in your heart eats up 8 hours a day, The way I see it, go for it man. But if you can manage it with less time why not make some coin? Why not learn to fly to far away places? I do have a hard time dealing with the thought of earning nothing. Is better than being miserable. I don't think I'll ever accept that mentality.

 

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[The Racing Driver]

Remember this first, your parents are trying to help you with their best thinking.

REALITY CHECK- Most professional racing drivers start when they are 3 or 4 yrs old. If you have no racing experience at 18, you are WAY behind, not just in skills, but just as importantly, connections. I had an instructor at the Ford Racing School last year who had fought his way forward starting later in life and briefly was paid to race, but parents paid for his first rides, and he was naturally gifted.

Thanks for the advice mate You're completely right, kids are starting out in racing younger and younger by the day. The odds are definitely stacked against me in that respect. However like anything else you may be passionate about, you do it for the love of it more than anything else. Coming up with the money to fulfil my passion is my #1 priority.

Sorry I didn't mention this earlier, but I have been racing for a few years now and have competed at national level kart racing and have also tested in Formula Renault. My parents have FULLY supported me these last 3 years, and I'm very grateful for them supporting me all this way.

However as I've risen up the ranks, so did the costs exponentially rise. To the point I was barely in the seat, and my parents simply couldn't afford any more. So I've had to stop and focus on making money.

 

[The Racing Driver]

Well look at this from their perspective: they're trying to get you into a good career so you can make a good living. You may not realize it, but you're blessed. They wouldn't be okay with you just working some menial office job, they're willing to pay for you to be a pilot of all things, which for many people is a dream job. I promise you that the vast majority of people you meet were not privileged enough to be given that chance.


So here's what I suggest you do: tell your parents that you're trying to make it as an entrepreneur, and if they want to pay for your flight school, you'll go, but you're going to work on your business in your spare time. And if your business does well, you're going to run it full-time instead of being a pilot. That way they know that you're not wasting your life, but at the same time you don't want to be a pilot, and you'll do something else if you can.

It's really me to blame for everything that has happened until now. I take full responsibility. Made many mistakes in business, and at times
haven't really put in the amount of effort and persistence needed to succeed.

You're completely right about being blessed. I'm incredibly grateful to have such supportive parents. I realised, I could either

1) Work at a job or freelance. With the possibility of barely earning enough to look after myself.
2) Take up flying. All expenses paid, not worry about putting food on the table.
This free's my mind up completely to work on my business on the side, and make a difference in the world.

I was just feeling guilty about all the money they're going invest when it's unlikely I'll ever become an airline pilot.

Anyways thanks for all the great advice. Cheers !

 

[Luffy]

It's really me to blame for everything that has happened until now. I take full responsibility. Made many mistakes in business, and at times
haven't really put in the amount of effort and persistence needed to succeed.

You're completely right about being blessed. I'm incredibly grateful to have such supportive parents. I realised, I could either

1) Work at a job or freelance. With the possibility of barely earning enough to look after myself.
2) Take up flying. All expenses paid, not worry about putting food on the table.
This free's my mind up completely to work on my business on the side, and make a difference in the world.

I was just feeling guilty about all the money they're going invest when it's unlikely I'll ever become an airline pilot.

Anyways thanks for all the great advice. Cheers !

You might find an unsolved need in the airline industry and perhaps make a business out of it.

 

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[Formless]

It's really me to blame for everything that has happened until now. I take full responsibility.

If you TRULY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY MEAN THIS, then you are ready to do whatever you want.

 

[Madhu]

I think the core problem is that parents live in a different era. In their day, talented people were in short supply so employers had to work hard to find and retain good staff. This doesn’t mean that our parents had it easy, but most of their challenges came from trying to prove their talent and building a network. University was a shortcut to doing this, and back then, it didn’t come attached with masses of debt. They just had to work hard to take advantage of the learning and networking opportunities university provides.

Now things have changed. Employers have no shortage of talent, especially as many tasks can be outsourced abroad or done by computers.

It’s very common to get a first class post-graduate degree and still have problems finding a job.
When you do get a job, it’s common to be paid poorly. And you just have to put up with it, as you need the pittance to pay back your debts.
After years of hard work and dedicated service that radically improves you company’s profits, you can be let go without any real warning.

That’s why being an entrepreneur is so important. It lets you put your destiny in your hands.

It’s very hard for parents to understand this, as the solution to their challenges was simply to work harder. When you talk about the realities of the jobs market, they’ll see it as a fear of trying. Don’t get me wrong, they mean well, but they don’t have the answers as they can’t comprehend the problem.

So unfortunately, you’ve just got to get used to their disappointment. It’s important not to let it get to you, otherwise you’ll be taking mental energy away from your business and waste it on justifying yourself.

As an entrepreneur you will face set backs. When you lack encouragement from parents, it’s harder to bounce back, as you’ll waste time fantasising about their vision of a “real job” instead of trying to find solutions to your problems. You’ll also be prone to taking stupid risks and acting out of desperation as there is more pressure to be successful quickly in order to prove your parents wrong.

On the other hand being a successful entrepreneur requires developing yourself as well as your business. Half the battle is forming the right mindset by focusing on “why” you want to become an entrepreneur and not get bogged down by the naysayers. In that sense, you parent’s doubts are the perfect rite of passage for fostering the mindset you need.

If you are not going to university, it’s important to have a clear plan and clear goals. It doesn’t matter if you plans and focus change, but you need to be steadily moving forwards otherwise you’ll start drifting. One of the best ways to do this is to keep a weekly progress journal, where you set and review goals. The key is to write your progress down, as if you keep it in your head it’s easy to lose sight of how you are really doing.

 

[CSRelentless]

I was in the same situation as you at 18 went to college for a year dropped out and was at home with my parents. They didn't understand, that's all I talked about when I was younger was going to college and getting rich(ha). But deep down I knew I didn't want to work the normal to 9-5 and had my mind set on doing big things.

And no I do not think you should give in to what your parents want, your young, only 18 and have plenty of time to show them that you can make it on your own without following society's rules, but I also think you should keep a normal job and not depend on your parents for support, while focusing on other dreams and ventures. You might not have success right now, but this path takes time, businesses are not successful over night and you are more than likely to fail, try to make them realize this.
If you show enough passion and drive and progress even if minuscule I think they will be happy, but if theeir not then you will just have to stop talking and start doing and just show them. Like I said this shouldn't be a problem, granted you don't sit around for the next 10 years and end up on their couch doing nothing with your life.

At the end of the day their your parents,and even though they might be disappointed, and confused they will still love you and support you in your life goals and dreams, just give them time.

 

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[The Racing Driver]

You might not have success right now, but this path takes time, businesses are not successful over night and you are more than likely to fail, try to make them realize this.
If you show enough passion and drive and progress even if minuscule I think they will be happy, but if theeir not then you will just have to stop talking and start doing and just show them. Like I said this shouldn't be a problem, granted you don't sit around for the next 10 years and end up on their couch doing nothing with your life.

At the end of the day their your parents,and even though they might be disappointed, and confused they will still love you and support you in your life goals and dreams, just give them time.

Amazing choice of words man. Exactly what I've been trying to reinforce. Failure is inevitable on this journey, patience and perseverance are key.

Ought to stop telling them and start showing more from now on.

 

[Deleted21961]

If that would be someone else, not your parents, would you do it? If yes, then do it.
If not, think about it. You have so many emotions attached to the word "parents" and you probably know emotions are not the best advisor, most of the time.

But if you can't take emotions out of equation, have a serious talk with your parents. Agree before this talk that you will both be brutally honest and let yourself and them speak your mind. You will learn what they actually think about the whole situation and be able to tell them why you don't want to pursue the thing they are pushing. Something may or may not come out of this, but when emotions comes into play, honesty is the best remover of mind filters.

 

[luniac]

if you don't want to be a pilot... you better not be flying the plane i'm in...

 

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[Deleted20833]

Doing anything "just" to please other people will lower your self-esteem
because you won't be living with integrity

 

[DeletedUser396]

Work ethic, confidence and vision.

You're 18, you can fail for 12 years in a row before even turning 30.
What will you do in the next 12 years? Will you put in the work? Will you master your craft? Or will you give up because of the naysayers?
If you don't believe in yourself, how can you expect your parents and other people to believe in you?

If you have no desire to become a pilot, then what's worse, disappointing your parents or disappointing yourself by living a life you don't enjoy?