Do you feel a barrier between you and 'regular' people?

[Snoophek]

It's a strange feeling, but I will do my best to describe it to you.

Imagine you're behind a window. The glass is not that thick, you can even hear the other person speaking. More, you can nearly feel her breath. You're both laughing and having a great time... and then you want to hug her. BANG! You forgot about the window, did you? You forgot, that you will never be close.

In other words, I connect amazingly with people on a shallow level, but can't get a meaningful relationship. The barrier was there before, but ever since I've read TMFL it is even bigger.

How about you? Do you sometimes feel that people don't understand you?

Even though I've got lots of friends, I feel extremely lonely at times.

Like we and the other people live in a different reality. It's not that we're better, no. But we have different values and mindsets than most people. I read somewhere a comment that said 'If you have one, just one, person in your life who you can wholeheartedly call your true friend... You must be a happy man.'

And boy, does it hurt to not have him.


What do you think about this? Do you struggle with 'the barrier' too?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Almantas]

Hi there!

I see where you are coming from. I also have many acquaintances, but only one close friend.

I think most of the people are slowlaners and sidewalkers. They have different values, interests and habits and prefer hanging around people like themselves. Although you can be their 'friend' they and you will never feel properly connected and understood by each other.

I was also frustrated and in a way depressed some time ago, because I felt not understood, that my ideas are underappreciated and I literally felt like trying to wake-up people from a dream they never want to be waken up from. I realized they are living in a different life server than I. Therefore, I made two simple decisions:

Experiment and Observe Slow Laners and Side Walkers

I know I am going to come across as arrogant, but I made a decision to do my best to connect with SLs and SWs and by tuning-in into their reality see what motivates them most, what emotions drive their behavior and why they prefer X over Y. It became very interesting 'game' while surrounded by such guys. I started asking and listening more than talking and trying to literally drill inside their brain without them even realizing it. Unintentionally I started getting more attention, acquitances and random people started to like to hang around me more often. Although I was just experimenting with them, it became a good real-life educational experience and personal development training ground.

Hang Around Fast Laners More Often

Although it's not easy to come across pure FLs, they are there and ready to exchange valuable information if you know where to look and what to offer. Do your best to find them, ask them out for a coffee and stay connected with them. Go to Meetup.com, join FLs groups or create a local group for FLs. You'll typically feel instant rapport with them and connection on a personal level

 

[Chimp]

Like we and the other people live in a different reality. It's not that we're better, no. But we have different values and mindsets than most people

Exactly how I feel. In HS right now and I haven't met anyone who feels the same way. I value other things that I assume the majority of people don't give a shit about. Hard to relate to people sometimes in certain ways.

I know I am going to come across as arrogant, but I made a decision to do my best to connect with SLs and SWs and by tuning-in into their reality see what motivates them most, what emotions drive their behavior and why they prefer X over Y

I like doing this too! When you can't relate to another's mindset and you "dissect" and explore their way of thinking you can discover some things you'd never know on your own.

 

[lewj24]

I only try to make friends with smart people or those that strive for success. They don't even have to have a fastlane mindset per say. But it sounds like you are looking for friends. Lets talk. My name's Jason.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[corius]

I have been there. And I have changed who I was and lost sight of my goals just to fit in.

I'm rediscovering myself now and I realise that it was hollow friendship. Find those few people that are on your side of that glass.

 

[TonyStark]

 

[SteveO]

Get over yourself....

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MB2]

Hi there!



Experiment and Observe Slow Laners and Side Walkers

I know I am going to come across as arrogant, but I made a decision to do my best to connect with SLs and SWs and by tuning-in into their reality see what motivates them most, what emotions drive their behavior and why they prefer X over Y. It became very interesting 'game' while surrounded by such guys. I started asking and listening more than talking and trying to literally drill inside their brain without them even realizing it. Unintentionally I started getting more attention, acquitances and random people started to like to hang around me more often. Although I was just experimenting with them, it became a good real-life educational experience and personal development training ground.

This exactly what I also do.

 

[Tobore]

I know that feeling but...

I don't like to see "these people" as being "shallow" or from a "lesser-than-I-am" point of view.

I believe everyone is on a journey and following a path they created by their "unconscious" or "conscious" choices.

But...

That doesn't mean the friction or divide isn't there. It is there because you have different sets of values, beliefs, lifestyle... and/or play by different rules.

It will always be there unless, somehow, your road and theirs gets to merge.

Change is constant. People will resent you for changing...you may resent them for staying put. But all these are beyond your control.

Bottom line: I think its better to focus on what I have in common with "these people" and make conversations out of that... than focus on our differences.

 

[Snoophek]

Thank you guys for the responses! It's great to know there are other people who feel this way.

I don't like to see "these people" as being "shallow" or from a "lesser-than-I-am" point of view.

I didn't mean they're shallow nor did I say it. Just that I cannot really connect with them on a deeper level. I'd even say that they are the ones doing it 'better'. But again, we don't know what they are feeling. Maybe the majority of people have this problem, but everyone keeps it inside?

Get over yourself....

Do you think it is the case? I emphasized that we are not better, but different. Same probably goes for other groups of people: artists won't go well with sports men, etc. It's a huge generalization, but I belive that if you want to connect with somebody the mindset plays a huge role.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[SteveO]

Do you think it is the case? I emphasized that we are not better, but different. Same probably goes for other groups of people: artists won't go well with sports men, etc. It's a huge generalization, but I belive that if you want to connect with somebody the mindset plays a huge role.

I did see your statement in the original post that we are not better but the rest of your post implies it.

It all comes from biases. Would you still have these feelings if you were not? None of us need to believe the same things but we should not discount other people and their convictions.

Look for what you do have in common with others and build off of that.

You also might want to look into the definition of "friends". If you truly had lots of them, I don't think that you would feel lonely.

It is common for those of us that want the fastlane ideals to feel separated. That is a challenge. We cannot talk freely with others about our concepts of money or business. Someone may ask a question that fires up our passion and next thing you know their eyes are glazing over and looking for an escape from our conversation. I choose not to have these discussions with many of my friends and acquaintances.

This is why I am on this forum. This is why I have developed friends from this forum. Then I have the opportunity to discuss matters with people that I can relate to on certain topics.

 

[Paul Thomas]

Ego protection

 

[Unknown]

I don't think being fast lane or slow lane has anything to do with it. If you want more friends then make more friends. It's as easy as engaging someone, and then showing real interest in them. If you feel lonely then you clearly want friends, so judge less and engage more.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Digamma]

Of course.

Human beings feel connected with people who share their experiences. It's normal.

High school students feel connected with high school students.

Blue collar workers feel connected to other blue collar workers.

White collar workers feel connected to other white collar workers.

Religious people connect more with other religious people.

Heavy metal fans connect more with other heavy metal fans.

So yes, an entrepreneur will feel disconnected from people who are employees.
Being that we are not usually surrounded by other entrepreneurs, it's harder to feel like you belong.

It's not ego protection, feeling smug, or anything like that.
It's just human nature.

 

[Mikkel]

More times than not, the people who you grow up with are not going to have the exact same interests, morals and goals.That is what makes us different.

As @SteveO said, I connect with people on the Fastlane Forum because the majority of the people I come in contact with every day don't share the same interest as I do. But that is okay.

However, if you ask an individual what makes them special you will find that it runs the gambit from art to sports to business to community service.

If each of these people believed that you couldn't form a relationship without having this special interest, then the world would be a much different place.

You can take an artist who just won the highest honor in his/her field of work and not get paid a single dollar for this accomplishment. She could think that the world revolves around art, and that she made all the right choices in life. Until the businessman comes along and shakes his head, and all he talks about is how you she didn't scale.

The problem is the businessman thinks that all life is about is how to make money, when that is not the case for everyone.

Respect people for what they believe in and keep your passions to yourself, unless you are surrounded by like minded people.

One way of thinking is not better than others, it's just a different way to perceive the world. Sure, each person will receive different things, the business man money while the artist receives love.

Those at the FLF will think receiving money is more important than receiving "love" or whatever an artist receives. However, not all the world thinks that way.

So try and connect with people outside of those special interests, because there are just some things people cannot see eye to eye on.

 

[conquer]

Back when I first shifted my mindset, I noticed sudden differences.

I quit cooler talk with people who claim success is due to luck and other circumstances we don't control.
I wasn't always broke waiting for my next paycheck.
My confidence skyrocketed.
My results improved immensely.

Did I lose friends and create animosity between myself and others? Sure.

Am I perceived as an a**hole at times for setting high standards and have 0 tolerance for BS? Yep.

This is my life, my story. I'm the director, I call the shots.

I do not and will not live up to someone else's version of me.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[KingWing26]

I'll admit, since I've read TMFL I've had a much DIFFERENT perspective on life.

When I walk down the street I can't help but think "What are the chances that guy right there is attempting to start his own business at this moment in time? What about him? Or her?.."

Of course, the majority works the 9-5. But...what is done outside of that time frame is what matters. Are they working on a new skill? Are they shopping around on wholesale sites? Are they simply reading a book? Are they thinking of ideas? What are they doing in their spare time?

I'm not saying I look down upon anyone but I am just blessed to have a new mindset that many don't have. As long as people are happy with their lives, that is all that matters. What keeps me happy is knowing there is another path out there and I'm working at it every day.

 

[Andy Black]

I'm interested in everyone I meet. I assume there's something I can learn from them, and it's up to me to tease it out.

I enjoy interacting with people in all walks of life, unless they're complaining or miserable.

There's always common ground, it's up to me to find it.

 

[Tobore]

I'm interested in everyone I meet.

I assume there's something I can learn from them,

and it's up to me to tease it out.

This!!!

I see many people pay for dating/social courses because of this. Many people approach others with an "I-know-this-and-that" attitude...

I believe the key to great relationship is "CURIOSITY."

Yes, you read it right. Plain, old curiosity!

Every one (Fastlaner or not) is like an onion bulb with multiple layers. The key is to be curios about what makes them special.

This works for dating as well. Many people approach potential partners with a "may I OWN you" attitude rather than a "may I KNOW you" attitude.

They spend hundreds of $X on PUA/social dynamic products thinking something is wrong with their "pick up line" and end up developing "approach anxiety"...and their relationship problems continue.

Curiosity about others helps you to find "the light within them" that you can resonate with.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[B V Marlon]

Building on the post above, in order to be interesting to others, you need to be interested in others (I think that one is from Jay Abraham). If you ask questions and listen to others, instead of talking about yourself, they'll find you far more interesting. I've tried it and it works.

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason!

 

[Snoophek]

It is common for those of us that want the fastlane ideals to feel separated. That is a challenge. We cannot talk freely with others about our concepts of money or business. Someone may ask a question that fires up our passion and next thing you know their eyes are glazing over and looking for an escape from our conversation.

One way of thinking is not better than others, it's just a different way to perceive the world. Sure, each person will receive different things, the business man money while the artist receives love.

So yes, an entrepreneur will feel disconnected from people who are employees.
Being that we are not usually surrounded by other entrepreneurs, it's harder to feel like you belong.

I'm not saying I look down upon anyone but I am just blessed to have a new mindset that many don't have.

Did I lose friends and create animosity between myself and others? Sure.

The way I see it after your contribution(thank you for answering!) is that life is a compilation of different paths. The path - being a sum of choices, beliefs and a mindset - is not inherently good or bad. Some of those paths are highly populated, whereas other are not so common. That is the reason you might feel lonely.

What's more, those paths are not frozen in time. At the same moment, there are other people taking the same path, but they might be at a different stage of the journey. Maybe they started earlier than you, or maybe they're going faster? That's the reason you sometimes feel like there is no one around.

And, what is the biggest takeaway here, we should learn to respect people walking their Caminos. When I think of life in terms of Camino, it feels true. You're always happy to meet a new pilgrim and walk with him, even though you know your ways will part soon.

All people have distinct reasons for why they walk, but there is a common goal bonding us together...

We all want to make it.

 

[ZF Lee]

Not really...I just do my thing, and they do theirs.
I look at the complaints and grumblings, and think about what can be done in a Fastlane context.
And they keep grumbling....
Well, I find it a more stress-free way to live life.
It's not as if we Fastlaners are Martians or Morpheus from the Matrix. But the sad thing is that the mainstream population cherishes such a fantastical belief that they write books disecting the rich mind such as 'secrets of self-made millionaires' and 'the millionaire mindset'. Decent books, but it represents tragedy

Now I feel like a frog splayed out on a biology class tray :0

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MAU]

Watch the music video for Blind Melon's song "No Rain"

It not only defines the feeling but offers the solution.

Would love to know what you think after watching it.

 

[Mattie]

Curiosity about others helps you to find "the light within them" that you can resonate with.

I don't know if I agree with this, for the simple reason many people are curiosity, project their perception on them. You're mirroring yourself in them. People are multi-dimensional. People believe something about someone for years, and their reality doesn't match the person. They get caught up in what they believe the person may be. They have to dig deeper than they do. Usually their curious, but try to write a fiction story of your image.

Phil Zimbardo. You can be the Hero or Villain at the same time. It depends on what side of the fence they're standing. What they believe they perceive. It's all an illusion. I only know two people who ever digged deep for the answer to who I am in my entire life. The rest believe what they choose to believe.

I suppose I know this because I'm an INFJ. We have that Chameleon Effect. It's very true I can enter cultural, race, religion/spiritual, or any group and fit in. This doesn't mean I believe what they do. I suppose I would make a good investigator, detective, interrogator, private eye. I believe Extroverts do this all the time to Introverts. They will tell them who they are, because they're quiet, conclude, assume, and before you know it they have a fictional character.

They say we're a mystery and hard to read. I believe this. I suppose this forum, knows me more than most people in my private life. I choose to reveal myself here, because it's part of becoming an authentic leader and Entrepreneur. The pay off is higher.

 

[RussRussman18]

I think it has more to do with work ethic than anything. Most people truly think that they are automatically trying as hard as they can in every aspect of life- when in fact many of them are not doing very much at all. They have no real motivation or fire for life, but are convinced they do by media. 'Working harder' is a foreign concept as many of them believe (whether consciously or not) that they have no real control over their life and every problem they have is someone else's fault, so working harder would produce little to no gain. Really sad. But they don't know any differently, as they were brought up surrounded by this mindset. It is hard to explain to them that their life is not peaches and cream, that their actions have consequences, that they are largely in control of their own life and the only reason all the other factors hurt them so much is because they allow them to.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Snoophek]

Watch the music video for Blind Melon's song "No Rain"

Hopefully we will all find our gardens with tap dancing bees in it!

I'm an INFJ.

Do you believe those personality tests? To some extent they might be right, but I think that a human being is constantly changing and adapting. Would be a shame to label yourself with a certain word for a lifetime.

 

[JustAskBenWhy]

I don't have any regular people in my daily inner circle - no time for nonsense!

 

[SteveO]

Watch the music video for Blind Melon's song "No Rain"

It not only defines the feeling but offers the solution.

Would love to know what you think after watching it.

This is a song that I really enjoy. It is on my playlist.

The video is great. It shows a courageous girl that is not afraid to put herself into situations of critique. She is unhappy until she finds a crowd of like minded individuals.

It is not the solution that I like though. I like to be happy around people that I have things in common with. Not just with regards to money. Everything that I like to do!

Back to the song. The lyrics tell me that this song is about a narcissist that wants to fit in even though he just wants to do what he wants to do. Nothing wrong with that but the insecurities come though in the words.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Tobore]

I don't know if I agree with this, for the simple reason many people are curiosity, project their perception on them. You're mirroring yourself in them. People are multi-dimensional. People believe something about someone for years, and their reality doesn't match the person. They get caught up in what they believe the person may be. They have to dig deeper than they do. Usually their curious, but try to write a fiction story of your image.

Yes, you're right.

But when I said being curios about people, I didn't mean those people who hate your guts because you didn't follow suit. Why try to beat a dead horse?

I feel hypocritical writing this. I've resented others and projected myself in them, too. When I see someone who fails to be honest or sincere, I go hard on them.

Is this self-projection? Yes!

Am I mirroring? Yes!

But there's always a middle ground.

This is where curiosity comes in: the ability to "find" what interests both of you and make it the point of your relationship.

 

[Digamma]

Do you believe those personality tests? To some extent they might be right, but I think that a human being is constantly changing and adapting. Would be a shame to label yourself with a certain word for a lifetime.

You are what you think you are. You are what you do.

I used to be an "introvert". Now I'm definitely an "extrovert".

What changed? What I do and how I think.


The error is that people mistake cause for effect.

You don't act a certain way because you are an INTFGPSDSFS.
You get those test results because you act in a that way.

Just another lie that gets perpetuated through ignorance.