D
Deleted78083
Guest
Bringing back to life this very very very old thread, I wanted to write about it but thought someone had already posted it and indeed, there it is.
In this post, I'll share why I went to talk about my goals to everyone to stop and do the opposite: help people with their goals instead. Then I'll talk about how to trick yourself into not quitting at the early stage of an initiative.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First time I've watched Sivers' very short TED talk about "don't tell your goals", I got confirmation of something I had noticed about myself (apologies for the "me, me, me"): the more I talked about something and imagined everything, the more I felt I had already done it and hence became less "interested" in actually doing it. Even though I watched this vid some years ago (3 or 4), it's only recently that I decided to stop telling people my plans and goals for several reasons (and yes, writing this thread is paradoxical, but I hope it can help someone):
- I'd get less motivated after, as we've just spoken,and frankly, quite empty and like an impostor for talking about something I had not achieved yet.
- People get jealous: they don't like it when one seems to have other plans than they have and when others deviate from the norm, from the script. And I must be honest, I don't like it when people tell me they want to build a business either, I get reminded of my own mediocrity, that I'm nowhere in life and that I should work much harder. I still genuinely offer my help though, as I'm learning "value giving" currently and the idea of being associated to people's projects decreases jealousy.
- I prefer solving people's problems than talking about my own: with helping someone, there is this feeling of bondage and achievement. Talking about your own problems first of all is rude and uninteresting, and second, only makes them worse.
- It prevents unwanted emotional investment: working on a project because one is excited is unsustainable: you'll quit when you'll lose the excitement. Now, working on a project when one is commited is sustainable, because commitment is about discipline, not emotions, and relying on discipline is much stronger than relying on emotions. Leave emotions at the door. In fact, I like to make my own work not fun at all because if I get too much dopamine out of it, I'll get addicted and discourage when the work won't be fun. I also want to struggle so that I can feel that I deserve whatever I have. It's some sort of "I'm happy when I'm unhappy" type of thing.
Now, since I'm here, I want to give a trick about how to avoid quitting in the early stages of an enterprise. It works for me, hopefully, it will work for you too: make it too costly to quit.
What?
I started a blog in January and within two weeks, had written 20 articles because I knew I had to trap myself into making it too costly to quit. After two weeks, I was no longer in a position to stop because I had spent a lot of time figuring out how to create a website, how to use wordpress, how to write content, had spent money on server rental and had written...20 articles. This effort, I must say (and I'm kinda breaking my own rule) was fueled by excitement in the short-term...but sustained by discipline based on making it too costly to quit in the long-run. Quitting would mean I would have done all the work for nothing (I know it's a bit exaggerated to say nothing because I learnt stuff, but I always dramatize the consequences of quitting so that I don't), I see quitting as being priced at all the efforts you've made to get where you are. The more efforts, the higher the price. It's the endowment effect, very powerful.
The bottom line:
- Don't talk about your goals, it will make you less likely to achieve them. I'm always distrustfull of the threads written about what people will do instead of what they have done. In the meantime, I understand these threads help keep people accountable.
- Make it too costly to quit by investing soooo much at the beginning that quitting would be a giant waste of time and money and that keeping it going would be the clear best choice.
Hope it can help someone,
M.
PS: the vid:
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHopJHSlVo4
In this post, I'll share why I went to talk about my goals to everyone to stop and do the opposite: help people with their goals instead. Then I'll talk about how to trick yourself into not quitting at the early stage of an initiative.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First time I've watched Sivers' very short TED talk about "don't tell your goals", I got confirmation of something I had noticed about myself (apologies for the "me, me, me"): the more I talked about something and imagined everything, the more I felt I had already done it and hence became less "interested" in actually doing it. Even though I watched this vid some years ago (3 or 4), it's only recently that I decided to stop telling people my plans and goals for several reasons (and yes, writing this thread is paradoxical, but I hope it can help someone):
- I'd get less motivated after, as we've just spoken,and frankly, quite empty and like an impostor for talking about something I had not achieved yet.
- People get jealous: they don't like it when one seems to have other plans than they have and when others deviate from the norm, from the script. And I must be honest, I don't like it when people tell me they want to build a business either, I get reminded of my own mediocrity, that I'm nowhere in life and that I should work much harder. I still genuinely offer my help though, as I'm learning "value giving" currently and the idea of being associated to people's projects decreases jealousy.
- I prefer solving people's problems than talking about my own: with helping someone, there is this feeling of bondage and achievement. Talking about your own problems first of all is rude and uninteresting, and second, only makes them worse.
- It prevents unwanted emotional investment: working on a project because one is excited is unsustainable: you'll quit when you'll lose the excitement. Now, working on a project when one is commited is sustainable, because commitment is about discipline, not emotions, and relying on discipline is much stronger than relying on emotions. Leave emotions at the door. In fact, I like to make my own work not fun at all because if I get too much dopamine out of it, I'll get addicted and discourage when the work won't be fun. I also want to struggle so that I can feel that I deserve whatever I have. It's some sort of "I'm happy when I'm unhappy" type of thing.
Now, since I'm here, I want to give a trick about how to avoid quitting in the early stages of an enterprise. It works for me, hopefully, it will work for you too: make it too costly to quit.
What?
I started a blog in January and within two weeks, had written 20 articles because I knew I had to trap myself into making it too costly to quit. After two weeks, I was no longer in a position to stop because I had spent a lot of time figuring out how to create a website, how to use wordpress, how to write content, had spent money on server rental and had written...20 articles. This effort, I must say (and I'm kinda breaking my own rule) was fueled by excitement in the short-term...but sustained by discipline based on making it too costly to quit in the long-run. Quitting would mean I would have done all the work for nothing (I know it's a bit exaggerated to say nothing because I learnt stuff, but I always dramatize the consequences of quitting so that I don't), I see quitting as being priced at all the efforts you've made to get where you are. The more efforts, the higher the price. It's the endowment effect, very powerful.
The bottom line:
- Don't talk about your goals, it will make you less likely to achieve them. I'm always distrustfull of the threads written about what people will do instead of what they have done. In the meantime, I understand these threads help keep people accountable.
- Make it too costly to quit by investing soooo much at the beginning that quitting would be a giant waste of time and money and that keeping it going would be the clear best choice.
Hope it can help someone,
M.
PS: the vid:
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum:
Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.