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Dating others with a similar mindset

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Aug 10, 2007
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I know that finding others with a similar mindset is very important. I, myself would never want to get into a serious relationship with a girl who does not share a similar mindset, or at least does not have an open mind to learn about financial freedom, investing, etc.

Where does one find someone with a similar mindset? Is it fate that you meet someone at a bar or on the street with similar ideals? Should we start a dating website for entrepreneurs and investors?
 

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JesseO

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Well, my wife and I met in high school, dated on and off for a few years. She always had the same mindset as my dad taught me; which is to invest in your future, not yourself. We agree on 99% of all financial matters, as well as many other things. If she didn't agree with me financially, I probably wouldn't have married her. It's a very very important decision, as it seems you already know. You can meet someone like this anywhere, but beware of the people who might say they agree at first, but are unwilling to take the risks. Best of luck =)
 

ProInvestor

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http://www.entrepreneurdating.com/ ??? (perhaps not a real site though..)

I feel there is a similar problem...... I don't seem to be hitting the right attitude of the fairer sex....
It seems people are not that interested in delayed gratification....

And of course it's just easier to say I'm a mortgage broker / property manager or what not rather than go into investing, etc.
 

andviv

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well, if financial freedom is important for you (one of your five key personal values) then you better look for somebody that does value the same thing (ideally, try to find somebody that match most of your personal values, but it is not a clone of you).

In my case, financial freedom happened after getting married. It took me years trying to convince my wife that this is the path... and still she feels it is important to have a job. I told her I'm fine if she wants to have a job, but we'll see what happens when we get there.
 

LightHouse

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http://www.entrepreneurdating.com/ ??? (perhaps not a real site though..)

I feel there is a similar problem...... I don't seem to be hitting the right attitude of the fairer sex....
It seems people are not that interested in delayed gratification....

And of course it's just easier to say I'm a mortgage broker / property manager or what not rather than go into investing, etc.

haha it works
 

MJ DeMarco

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This is were internet dating is priceless. I know it might not be cool, but it allows you to search for certain key words -- you could find women who've read similar books to you, own businesses, etc.

Internet dating works however it takes time to work.

Its Aiken to shopping in a warehouse 2nd-hand thrift store -- the place is loaded to the gills with low-quality used goods -- but if you look hard and long enough, you can find a diamond in the rough -- a barely used Versace purse or Hilfiger bag. :smxB:
 

Russ H

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I met my wife on the internet (on match.com).

We talked a lot about our goals and financially-oriented stuff before getting married.

She is my financial partner, as well as my best bud'.

I gotta say, it's the coolest thing.

Never thought I'd be in this kind of relationship, until I saw some of my clients and how they got along (typically as successful investing partners, since I worked for very wealthy folks).

Once I saw that it was possible, I had to re-arrange my list of priorities.

And figure out what would make this kind of friend/lover/partner relationship last.

-Russ H.
 

Russ H

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Anyone else out there met a partner on the 'net?

-Russ H.
 

yveskleinsky

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My husband and I met through an online dating site. At the time I was co-owner of a popular nightclub/restaurant and attracted all the wrong guys. My husband was (is) in an elite field in the Air Force and attracted all the wrong girls. We both had a good laugh when we "revealed" who we were to each other- I only knew that he was a lead singer in a punk band, and he only knew that I loved sushi and self-improvement. Turns out we are both over-achievers! ...I am still trying to get him onboard with a lot of my financial plans- but with the more numbers I show him, the more he is for it. Which is SO exciting for me.
 

andviv

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That issue of bringing your partner into your financial path is one I've struggled with in the past. Only when she started to see results and see that I was 105% committed then she started to get more and more interested. It is amazing how a book made a big difference for her. In our case, I got her a signed copy of Rich Woman --Kim Kiyosaki signed it for her, I really appreciate that little detail as that started her in the financial independence path.
 

ErikV10

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I'm dating a girl right now that I met from DECA meeting last year.

She has many goals in life and one of those is being financially free.

The first time I met this girl, I quickly fell for her! She's pretty, she's kind, she's smart.. I mean she has everything I was looking for. Talked to her, we got closer, and we started dating. :)
 

yahshar

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I thank God for my wife. She's open to learning and that's one of the things we talked about when we were dating. Some of the deals I make scare her, but she trusts God and is willing to step outside the box with me.
I tried internet dating and although it didn't work for me, what it did was help me to identify and appreciate my wife when we met.
Net dating was some crazy business! I believe I'll join MJ and write a book about it one day. :rofl:
 

yunghova35

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Jul 16, 2008
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I know that finding others with a similar mindset is very important. I, myself would never want to get into a serious relationship with a girl who does not share a similar mindset, or at least does not have an open mind to learn about financial freedom, investing, etc.

Where does one find someone with a similar mindset? Is it fate that you meet someone at a bar or on the street with similar ideals? Should we start a dating website for entrepreneurs and investors?
That would be an awesome idea, but I have this problem but mine is worst, I often imagine the day where, I end up having to leave my current g/f because our goals aren't on the same highway and honestly that sh** scares me, I mean its odd im not stranger to ending relationship but over THIS reason is just scary to me esp becuz I love who I'm with. I honestly just hope the more things START to fall in place the more she falls in however at this point right now, I don't even discuss my plans/thoughts so how can I have someone walk on this path with me when I cant even chat with them about it?
 

yveskleinsky

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That would be an awesome idea, but I have this problem but mine is worst, I often imagine the day where, I end up having to leave my current g/f because our goals aren't on the same highway and honestly that sh** scares me, I mean its odd im not stranger to ending relationship but over THIS reason is just scary to me esp becuz I love who I'm with. I honestly just hope the more things START to fall in place the more she falls in however at this point right now, I don't even discuss my plans/thoughts so how can I have someone walk on this path with me when I cant even chat with them about it?
I might get some grief over this, but getting married based on love alone is not enough of a reason to tie the knot. Of course you need to have that element there, but at the end of the day love is an emotion and comes and goes. Find a person who has the same values and morals as you do, and fall in love with them for those reasons, not because they are cute or good in the sack, then you know you'll always be on the same page. ...It's never easy to break it off with someone when you realize you aren't a match; however, it can be harder to stay with them if you have different priorities in life.
 

MsMoney

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I'm so glad you posted this! I've been struggling in my own personal relatonship with my b/f about whether to continue it or not. He absolutely adores, loves & respects me. We have a great chemistry together, AND he is very very supportive of my endeavours. He brags about me to his friends & family too!

Here's the issue I've had nagging at me....he'll make comments once in awhile about when I'm financially free he can stay home & raise the kids. HUGE TURN OFF (at least for me!). Number one, we DON'T live together now...I won't do that. Two, he has 2 kids 6 & 10 and has them EVERY WEEKEND. Three, my kids are basically grown and I'm ready to have some fun. The thought of my man staying at home and raising HIS kids with MY money makes me sick to my stomache.

He tells me he's joking about it, but I don't know....so I tell myself "well, you aren't ready to be married yet....just have fun and focus on business and when you are ready to look at that part of your life you will..." But I wonder, is that not being fair to him? I've been VERY clear with him about what a turn off that statement is, and also what I want out of my partner.

I am literally 50/50 on this one guys....and by the way, I've never done the internet dating thing. I've had friends that have and they've gotten good & bad experiences out of it!
 

yveskleinsky

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Here's the issue I've had nagging at me....he'll make comments once in awhile about when I'm financially free he can stay home & raise the kids. HUGE TURN OFF (at least for me!). Number one, we DON'T live together now...I won't do that. Two, he has 2 kids 6 & 10 and has them EVERY WEEKEND. Three, my kids are basically grown and I'm ready to have some fun. The thought of my man staying at home and raising HIS kids with MY money makes me sick to my stomache.

He tells me he's joking about it, but I don't know....so I tell myself "well, you aren't ready to be married yet....just have fun and focus on business and when you are ready to look at that part of your life you will..." But I wonder, is that not being fair to him? I've been VERY clear with him about what a turn off that statement is, and also what I want out of my partner.

I am literally 50/50 on this one guys....and by the way, I've never done the internet dating thing. I've had friends that have and they've gotten good & bad experiences out of it!
It sounds like you are clear on what you want and don't want. If you don't want to date a guy with young kids, there's nothing wrong with that. If you are dating him just to have someone fun to hang out with that's fine- but it sounds like it's not going any farther than that. He's making the choice to stay with you, knowing that it may not go any further, so don't feel bad about that. ...I think the bigger questions are: 1. How long are you planning on staying with a guy that you know is a mismatch with you- and are you okay with that? 2. Who are you missing out on meeting because you are treading water with this guy?

Hope I wasn't too blunt. :)
 

RealOG

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Most singles are slow laners, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. Most fast laners are not compatible with each other because they are so focused pursuing what they want, the other things in life come second. Relationships take work, work that most fast laners don't have time for.

I think relationships require more slow lane thinking than fast lane. They feed on consistency, time, repetition, and monogamy to be successful. Sounds like a job, doesnt it? This may be why many of the folks on this forum (including myself) have a hard time with them.

My relationship with my wife, while a struggle sometimes for me to meet her emotional needs, has helped multiply my fast lane progress. The majority of my successes can be attributed to her support.
 

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MsMoney

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It sounds like you are clear on what you want and don't want. If you don't want to date a guy with young kids, there's nothing wrong with that. If you are dating him just to have someone fun to hang out with that's fine- but it sounds like it's not going any farther than that. He's making the choice to stay with you, knowing that it may not go any further, so don't feel bad about that. ...I think the bigger questions are: 1. How long are you planning on staying with a guy that you know is a mismatch with you- and are you okay with that? 2. Who are you missing out on meeting because you are treading water with this guy?

Hope I wasn't too blunt. :)
You were perfect! Thank you!
 

yveskleinsky

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Most singles are slow laners, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. Most fast laners are not compatible with each other because they are so focused pursuing what they want, the other things in life come second. Relationships take work, work that most fast laners don't have time for.

I think relationships require more slow lane thinking than fast lane. They feed on consistency, time, repetition, and monogamy to be successful. Sounds like a job, doesnt it? This may be why many of the folks on this forum (including myself) have a hard time with them.
Interesting perspective. I've often felt that some people probably shouldn't be married- and there's a solid chance that I'm one of them. I never daydreamed about Mr.Right and a huge wedding- not once. I'm fiercely independent and tend to become obsessive when working on a project. These two qualities make being married hard (probably harder on my husband). I do enjoy being in a relationship, but not sure if I'm all for running a three-legged race with someone (like when you're married). ...Being married is tough at times.
 

fanocks2003

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I know that finding others with a similar mindset is very important. I, myself would never want to get into a serious relationship with a girl who does not share a similar mindset, or at least does not have an open mind to learn about financial freedom, investing, etc.

Where does one find someone with a similar mindset? Is it fate that you meet someone at a bar or on the street with similar ideals? Should we start a dating website for entrepreneurs and investors?
Why not start a dating site for entrepreneurs and investors? As you point out indirectly, business is not all about money and the exchange of money. It is also about personal chemistry. How you relate to the investor and how the investor relate to the entrepreneur. You need to feel comfortable with the people you do business with. I think you got something interesting there. Why not dive deeper into the idea and see if it is commercially viable?
 

yveskleinsky

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"this is such a hard thing. i have been in the slowlane and trying to get into the fastlane but wasn't sure how, and still not sure how, but this site is helping me see better... prior to finding this site, i have been seriously thinking about ending it with my partner, just cuz she supposedly doesn't care about money like i do. i care about her so much, in terms of companionship, she is great, but financially that's another story."

How do you define "cares about money like I do"? ...For some this could mean cares about the finer things in life. For others it could mean financial freedom.
 
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Gymjunkie

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Hmmm.. this got me thinking.. I've seen one girl changing her mind completely from feminist "I will never make food for my husband or be a housewife" to actually being that and still having a career. And guess what.. she is way happier with the guy. So a good Man certainly has ability to influence woman's opinion and the way she views things. Not talking about beating her into it though.
 

yveskleinsky

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Can one person influence another? Perhaps. It's somewhat of a risk though, and how long do you want to spend hoping they'll change? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Not to mention there's a solid chance that if they do change they'll resent the hell out of you for it.

As far as money goes, IMO there are two very different mindsets regarding the pursuit of it:

1. Quantity of life: Money is a means to get stuff. This mindset wants all the toys that money can buy. This mindset can only be achieved with a high income.

2. Quality of life: Money is a means to financial freedom. This mindset wants to exit the rat race and wants the freedom that only time can buy. This mindset can be achieved anywhere from a couple thousand a month to millions of dollars a year.

For me personally, the toys are great, but I don't want to be with someone who works 100 hours a week, making $5m a year and is constantly focused on the next shiny thing. I'd rather have someone who works 10 hours a week making $50k a year and spending our time together, doing things we love. ...Just because we share the value of entrepreneurship doesn't mean that we have the same mindset when it comes to money. So I would never look for an entrepreneur who fit into category #1--and odds are they wouldn't be happy with me as I see very little value in their pursuits.

I suppose in a nutshell, step 1 is if you want to date a canary, date canaries--don't date a horse and then get angry when it won't fly. Step 2 is to figure out if you like red or yellow canaries and then pursue them. :)
 

Gymjunkie

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Can one person influence another? Perhaps. It's somewhat of a risk though, and how long do you want to spend hoping they'll change? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Not to mention there's a solid chance that if they do change they'll resent the hell out of you for it.

As far as money goes, IMO there are two very different mindsets regarding the pursuit of it:

1. Quantity of life: Money is a means to get stuff. This mindset wants all the toys that money can buy. This mindset can only be achieved with a high income.

2. Quality of life: Money is a means to financial freedom. This mindset wants to exit the rat race and wants the freedom that only time can buy. This mindset can be achieved anywhere from a couple thousand a month to millions of dollars a year.

For me personally, the toys are great, but I don't want to be with someone who works 100 hours a week, making $5m a year and is constantly focused on the next shiny thing. I'd rather have someone who works 10 hours a week making $50k a year and spending our time together, doing things we love. ...Just because we share the value of entrepreneurship doesn't mean that we have the same mindset when it comes to money. So I would never look for an entrepreneur who fit into category #1--and odds are they wouldn't be happy with me as I see very little value in their pursuits.

I suppose in a nutshell, step 1 is if you want to date a canary, date canaries--don't date a horse and then get angry when it won't fly. Step 2 is to figure out if you like red or yellow canaries and then pursue them. :)

Hey, I don't mean to actually change the person, for that pair it seems to have happened naturally as they look very happy together and have a very good chemistry.

I'm into the 2nd mindset of Quality of life. You did great categorizing these two mindsets. Speed +
 

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